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If we estimate a task for too many hours the CEO gets involved and starts trying to design poo poo and then we go way over the estimate and he complains. So instead we just underestimate every task and then go way over the estimate and he complains.
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# ¿ Jan 30, 2021 06:53 |
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# ¿ Mar 29, 2024 07:57 |
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We have a 2 hour meeting every Friday at 08:00 that the entire company is required to attend. I take that one from my phone, in bed, asleep.
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# ¿ Jan 30, 2021 22:54 |
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Our entire dev and QA departments have to get background checked and fingerprinted every time we get a new client despite the fact that they cannot view actual client data. Because security The clients routinely send me emails with enough PPI to steal the identities of thousands of people despite being repeatedly told to stop. I don't even have security training because I'm not a dev.
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# ¿ Jan 31, 2021 17:32 |
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One of our long time system architects retired recently. On his way out our brain genius CEO decided to load him up with a ton of work only he knew how to do because the company doesn't believe in documentation or training. I'll leave it to you, fine goons, to guess how much of that vital work he actually did.
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# ¿ Feb 15, 2021 17:02 |
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ben shapino posted:all of it, like a good little boy?
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# ¿ Feb 15, 2021 17:04 |
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The CEO has announced some crunch time bullshit where the entire company must work unpaid OT tomorrow because there are 11 outstanding tickets. We are all remote, and they have no way of tracking our time. LOL
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# ¿ Feb 18, 2021 02:41 |
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Someone convinced the CEO we should do AGILE but he hated it so all we do is have scrums and planning sessions and then ignore everything and do whatever the emergency of the day is. Our Scrum Master is a project manager for a client who we do no work for and have basically no interaction with. He has no idea what our team does and the sum total of his contribution is to add meetings to everyone's Outlook calendar.
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# ¿ Feb 24, 2021 18:51 |
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AHH F/UGH posted:Here's the best email I ever got from one of our field techs. No information, no context, no nothing - just three words, his typical Windows 3.1 background, and his name. What was wrong? GARY
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# ¿ Feb 24, 2021 19:05 |
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Marcade posted:Making changes on live without testing. Somehow broke 3 totally unrelated systems. There's no documentation, and no one has a clue what she did. The systems that are hosed are all externally hosted by our worst, most tech illiterate client, and can't be debugged by anyone who isn't onsite with them. I dumped the ticket on one of her devs with a note that basically amounted to "Your boss has hosed this so hard our team can't even figure out how it's hosed." at 4:59PM and then left for the day. BA Lyfe
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# ¿ Feb 26, 2021 02:05 |
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Woo, it's three-hour quarterly meeting day! Highlights: We can't have documentation or policies because it's too much work. We can't have competitive pay, OT, or bonuses because actually there is a very complicated policy that clearly outlines..." HR giving HR awards. We can't have federal holidays off because the CEO doesn't like holidays.
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# ¿ Mar 12, 2021 19:14 |
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Turtle Sandbox posted:You work security, why do you even give any shits? You aren't military, you arent guarding anything of actual value, you dont need to follow the general orders of a sentry. Slack rear end and if anyone every comes for whatever you are "securing", help them take it. It's a dope job if you don't give a poo poo because nobody expects you to actually do anything except maybe walk around and look at stuff. When I was a guard I never once did anything except hang around and talk to whoever was there. Got to chill with Richard Petty and The Big Show. Both great guys Rent-A-Cop fucked around with this message at 16:09 on Mar 15, 2021 |
# ¿ Mar 15, 2021 16:07 |
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Called me at 9AM on a Saturday because our QA department is a dumpster fire.
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# ¿ Mar 20, 2021 16:10 |
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My employer is insanely stingey about software licenses. I have made myself indispensable to our client-facing operations because I can edit PDFs.
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# ¿ Apr 2, 2021 21:31 |
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Since work from home started my company has roled out three different conference solutions (Skype for Business, GoToMeeting, MS Teams), and our clients use at least three more. No training has been provided on any of them, and we use all of them simultaneously. I just call people in the phone if I want to talk to them.
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# ¿ Apr 4, 2021 20:48 |
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ITT people who remember programming VCRs have the temerity to call anyone old.
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# ¿ Apr 4, 2021 21:00 |
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We do AGILE with no standardization of what points mean and it's hilarious. Constant points inflation as team leads compete for that sweet sweet praise.
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# ¿ Apr 6, 2021 23:19 |
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"We explained to the client how AGILE works and they said No." - Project Management
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# ¿ Apr 19, 2021 18:48 |
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Time tracking systems are great. Yesterday we had company-wide mandatory OT with no notice, so I billed updating my resume and applying to new jobs to the client.
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# ¿ Apr 23, 2021 16:51 |
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Scientastic posted:I only recently experienced working on an “agile” project. I have come to the conclusion that the name was given by someone with a heightened sense of irony.
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# ¿ Apr 30, 2021 04:27 |
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I have started forcing clients to talk to a project manager to schedule a meeting if they want to talk to me. I am doing this because I used to just call them and they abused that privilege. So now everyone must suffer. These constant asinine meetings have improved my productivity because now I have an excuse to ignore Skype for 7 hours a day.
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# ¿ May 5, 2021 19:33 |
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Today one of my clients removed a task from the upload queue to ask when it would be uploaded. It is very urgent you see. They can do this because we are transparent!
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# ¿ May 21, 2021 04:57 |
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Outrail posted:If you have to tell a story I say give the people a story: I was in the office all week, even on the weekend. If someone were to ask you where I was or if you'd seen me you should feel comfortable telling then I was in the office. Because that's where I was, in the office.
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# ¿ Aug 5, 2021 22:45 |
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Hyrax Attack! posted:Haha you're right about the in-house podcast thumbnails but they don't write annual reports. Did I already mention it takes eight of them to write an internal online newsletter that's maybe 2 double spaced pages a month, and is unpopular enough they have to bribe people with gift cards to read it? I'd be pissed about this but I know the guy who scammed himself into the job of being in charge of the dumbass podcast and he's a cool dude. He does basically nothing since his team's only responsibility is two newsletters and a 30 minute podcast every month. Since he got the job he has become a much better drummer and I still occasionally go to see his band play.
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# ¿ Oct 22, 2021 22:23 |
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We have a client who requires that I have access to their internal email system to respond to the dumbass questions they ask me. As part of having an account on the system I must pass a few mandatory trainings. One of the trainings is active shooter training. I work from home, if there's an active shooter here it's probably fuckin' me.
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# ¿ Nov 22, 2021 14:27 |
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Verdugo posted:There is someone in my org who needs to replace the battery in their smoke alarm and doesn't know how mute works so when we have work from home all hands meetings we get hear it chirping every 15 seconds or whatever.
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# ¿ Dec 18, 2021 15:00 |
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Verdugo posted:We had ours go out in the middle of the night once and I drove to Walmart at 230 am tor replace it because gently caress I am not having that chirp every minute.
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# ¿ Dec 19, 2021 03:44 |
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Outrail posted:Narrator: The junior workers were absolutely hosed.
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# ¿ Jan 9, 2022 00:16 |
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All project management systems are stupid because all project managers are useless middle management shitlers who combine the jobs of a salesman and analyst and do them both worse.
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# ¿ Mar 21, 2022 05:30 |
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I just don't answer the phone because caller ID is a thing for me since I'm not living in some kind of time hole where it's still 1988. Also legitimate question here: What do project managers even do?
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# ¿ Mar 27, 2022 14:59 |
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SkyeAuroline posted:Funny enough, despite having an S21+ and being on Verizon, never did get working caller ID from them or elsewhere. I get a location and that's about it.
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# ¿ Mar 27, 2022 16:49 |
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GI_Clutch posted:From my experience, things project managers do:
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# ¿ Mar 27, 2022 17:25 |
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SubponticatePoster posted:Still younger than Something Awful Work is fuckin dumb
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# ¿ Apr 26, 2022 02:30 |
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Just found out that HR won't pay out my PTO if I quit and won't approve a PTO sale after I give notice. Guess who isn't getting notice
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# ¿ Jun 1, 2022 15:43 |
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Thomamelas posted:Some of the Sheetz here in NC are advertising $15 to $16 an hour starting pay. I'm sure that number is bullshit and dependent on factors no new hire could meet. But when you look at the McDonalds offering $11 an hour, that has to make recruiting harder. I never made more than $12.50 in that town and wasn't making $20 until I was a loving professional. Good for those folks! From what I hear the local seasonal tourism employers are getting hosed because nobody wants to deal with them any more now that practically every job is $15+. gently caress them and I hope several of my old bosses eat poo poo. Rent-A-Cop fucked around with this message at 01:55 on Jun 24, 2022 |
# ¿ Jun 24, 2022 01:52 |
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I joined a consulting firm. They sent me to a big ranch where everyone is very nice. This is definitely a fuckin' cult but the benefit plan is baller.
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# ¿ Jul 8, 2022 04:41 |
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Dumb things my work did: Hired me, sent me to Atlanta for orientation, gave me a week of online orientation, sent me to Dallas for orientation, gave me COVID. One month in and I might actually be able to do some work tomorrow. I'm oriented as gently caress though.
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# ¿ Jul 14, 2022 22:55 |
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My former employer ate a ransomware attack a couple weeks after I left and still hasn't asked for their lovely Dell laptop back. I would remind them, but they were mean to me on my way out so
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# ¿ Aug 8, 2022 13:04 |
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ChickenDoodle posted:I wonder if I can get a doctor’s not saying I have a severe allergic reaction to people and offices.
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# ¿ Aug 17, 2022 16:15 |
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MrQwerty posted:8 hours before going back after 2 weeks off, I'm sitting around contemplating since I have less than 90 days left before I'm filing UI for being laid off.
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# ¿ Jan 2, 2023 23:19 |
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# ¿ Mar 29, 2024 07:57 |
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Presenting an education session on a new feature. Except it doesn't exist because management got involved and delayed it for 3 months to add features. We don't know what features either because the client refuses to approve any new designs until their PM comes back from PTO in two weeks. And we can't possibly deploy anything until December. Should be a short presentation.
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# ¿ Jul 29, 2023 22:35 |