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Mrs. Dash
Apr 11, 2009


manero posted:

How does someone become a pro wrestling ref anyway? What career path leads to that?

Being a failed pro wrestler

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Regrettable
Jan 4, 2010


Vince MechMahon posted:

Hey. You can also be too fat or too sane.

counterpoint:

SilvergunSuperman
Aug 6, 2010



gently caress

Cubone
May 26, 2011

Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.

it always struck me as ridiculous that the big show was sent down to ovw for being overweight when it was fine for viscera to be shaped like a human boulder for most of his career

how can you even tell if the big show is overweight? maybe he's supposed to be that shape, you don't know. science has no data

Dr.Smasher
Nov 27, 2002

Cyberpunk 1987


My Lovely Horse posted:

What are the storylines going into this year's Mania? Some friends and I might do an online watch party and I can't be arsed to look it up. I know we're getting boring old Randy Orton vs. the Boogeyman and I know we're getting another Steen vs. Generico.

WWE's match promo videos are usually really good and will give you a good idea of the feud.

Shaman Tank Spec
Dec 26, 2003

*blep*




Eclipse12 posted:

Sorry I called you jabronis that was unkind

I'll forgive you if you do more Raw reports.

If not, I'll cry.

Master J Plus
Apr 20, 2010
eggcup
E-G-G-C-U-P
eggcup


MakaVillian posted:

Mike Tyson apparently!

If you go to Mike Tyson's hotel room at 1am, you're either there to get punched in the head or have sex with him.

Bogus Adventure
Jan 11, 2017

More like "Bulges Adventure"

Master J Plus posted:

If you go to Mike Tyson's hotel room at 1am, you're either there to get punched in the head or have sex with him.

So you're saying I've got a 50-50 chance of loving Mike Tyson if I go to his hotel room?

My Lovely Horse
Aug 21, 2010




He's got two hands and one penis (presumed), it's probably more like 33-66

Eclipse12
Feb 20, 2008



You can have it all.

verbal enema
May 23, 2009

only marfans dot com


Cubone posted:

it always struck me as ridiculous that the big show was sent down to ovw for being overweight when it was fine for viscera to be shaped like a human boulder for most of his career

how can you even tell if the big show is overweight? maybe he's supposed to be that shape, you don't know. science has no data

Big Show is 100% supposed to be that shape

Elephant Ambush
Nov 13, 2012

...We shoulde spenden more time together. What sayest thou?




Nap Ghost

Master J Plus posted:

If you go to Mike Tyson's hotel room at 1am, you're either there to get punched in the head or have sex with him.

100% chance of both

FullLeatherJacket
Dec 30, 2004

Chiunque puÚ essere Luther Blissett, semplicemente adottando il nome Luther Blissett



Bogus Adventure posted:

So you're saying I've got a 50-50 chance of loving Mike Tyson if I go to his hotel room?

Please clarify:

1) are you a normal man or a genetic freak

2) will Samoa Joe be there he's fat

Bogus Adventure
Jan 11, 2017

More like "Bulges Adventure"

My Lovely Horse posted:

He's got two hands and one penis (presumed), it's probably more like 33-66

Eclipse12 posted:

You can have it all.

FullLeatherJacket posted:

Please clarify:

1) are you a normal man or a genetic freak

2) will Samoa Joe be there he's fat

lol

Regrettable
Jan 4, 2010


FullLeatherJacket posted:

Please clarify:

1) are you a normal man or a genetic freak

2) will Samoa Joe be there he's fat

Animal-Mother
Feb 14, 2012

RABBIT RABBIT
RABBIT RABBIT

Senior JOE!

Shaman Tank Spec
Dec 26, 2003

*blep*




verbal enema posted:

Big Show is 100% supposed to be that shape

Young WCW Giant was actually in pretty drat good shape.

Bogus Adventure
Jan 11, 2017

More like "Bulges Adventure"

Shaman Tank Spec posted:

Young WCW Giant was actually in pretty drat good shape.



He'll always be Captain Insano to me

Vince MechMahon
Jan 1, 2008





Bogus Adventure posted:

He'll always be Captain Insano to me



AEW filled a trademark for this when they signed him. He might appear on AEW TV as Captain Insano at some point.

Bogus Adventure
Jan 11, 2017

More like "Bulges Adventure"

Vince MechMahon posted:

AEW filled a trademark for this when they signed him. He might appear on AEW TV as Captain Insano at some point.

YES!!!

Bonzo
Mar 11, 2004

Just like Mama used to make it!


Shaman Tank Spec posted:

Young WCW Giant was actually in pretty drat good shape.



I thought he got sent to OVW to learn how the wrestle better. I seem to recall WCW just used him because of his size and figured they could teach him as time went on.

I saw him in the Toy Tiger one night with (what seemed like) the smallest bottle of Bud Lite ever.

Master J Plus
Apr 20, 2010
eggcup
E-G-G-C-U-P
eggcup




T H I C C C C C C

Eclipse12
Feb 20, 2008



King of the Ring Part 2

Welcome back Sports Entertainment Enthusiasts! I'm going ALL OUT and BARRING NO HOLDS for today's KING OF THE RING UPDATE because poo poo GETS CRAZY! CAPS LOCK! DIAL-UP MODEM USERS GO TO HELL!



Here's where we left the action!

.................................


Mean-rear end Gene uses some middle school tactics to start some poo poo between Hart and Perfect by twisting Bret's words into implying Perfect is an easier matchup than Mr. Hughes. And then, to continue the playground maturity level, the two grapplers literally start arguing about whose dad was stronger. Seriously.


"All you Canadians are alike..." Perfect starts, and I got all giddy with anticipation for sick burns, but then he just non-sequitored into a different thought and now I hope he loses.

We segue immediately into their match.

Real talk: These guys have zero beef and both are babyfaces, so the interview felt like an absolute half-rear end attempt to create some bad blood mere seconds before their match. Whether you like or hate what the WWE has become in the modern era, you have to admit at least they TRY and build tension in the weeks/days before matches instead of waiting until the actual last minute.



So now, here's The Bret There Is, The Bret There Was, and The Bret There Ever Will Be against Mr. Perfect in a 30 minute match.




Perfect's hair looks like uncooked ramen. Uncooked! Uncut! Uncensored A mullet!



Good technical wrestling, but looking at the crowd and you'll see a sizeable part of the audience isn't even looking at the match.




Dick Stomp! If Dick Stomp is a legal move, why would you ever use anything else?



"Good grief! What a chop! It's flesh-on-flesh!" It's so good having JR for this match



Rare EXTREME action (for 1993) when Hart is catapulted from the apron into a railing.






Hell yeah, this is good wrestling



Ref does some hotdog maneuver to keep up with the action. Fun!




Forget the hip toss. Here's the hair toss.



Heenan is arguing with JR about the sleeper hold. Heenan says it's "choking him" and JR argues that no, it's not a choke, "it's a sleeper hold." WHAT?



Hart delivers an uppercut:
"What a lifter!" gasps Macho Man.
"He brought that from the basement to the roof!" proclaims Heenan.
"He brought that from the heartland to Dunton!" JR screams, copying Heenan while also forgetting the name of the city he's in.



In a surprising finale, the match ends not with a Sharpshooter or Perfectplex, but with a Hart countering Perfect's roll-up pin.


Class act he is, Perfect congratulates Hart on his win. [Editor's note: I didn't edit this photo. The weird glow was part of the screenshot itself. I caught it right as camera flashes were going off. Looked cool so I kept it.


...............................



No context

"There's no water around us! There will be no sneak attack!" Hogan declares about his upcoming fight against Yokozuna. Hmm... what is he getting at??????????



Holy poo poo, Jimmy Hart without his shades looks like an absolute maniac here.

.......................


With that, we interrupt the brackets (so Hart can rest his stomped balls) for Yokozuna vs Hogan in a title match. Somehow Hogan allowed himself to not be the main event?!



"Yep, I'm feeling really good about this match. Yessir. No insane spectacle the likes of which we've never seen before. Nosiree. Just a regular ol' wrestlin' match."




Crowd goes apeshit for Hogan's entrace, but I've seen them go apeshittier in the past :/



"Forget the NBA!" Heenan yells, in anticipation of Hogan/Yokozuna.
In 1993
On the same night as game 3 of the NBA finals
With Jordan and the Bulls vs Barkley and the Suns
in a game that would have a combined score of 250 points



Ha ha ha! He follows it up with "This is where you make the money," which is just an absolutely flat-out stupid thing to say.




I'm not gonna retype them all, but trust me, there is a LOT of Asian stereotype/veiled racism/unveiled racism from the commentary crew, specifically Heenan.






Rare demonstration of the double-fishhook. I had a friend in high school who loved the fishhook. He used it in an actual after-school, backwoods fistfight. Crowd (of high schoolers) went nuts then, too.




Hogan grabs a sack and tries to heft a chonky boi but just can't get the deed done. Hogan would need unprecedented levels of Hulkamania to generate the power needed.




In a callback to Hogan/Andre in Wrestlemania, Hogan gets a nice long bearhug so his opponent can catch their breath.




It's happening! Hulkamania is exceeding it's maximum safety threshold. Fans are being asked to evacuate the building for their own safety but they refuse!



Lol, this fan



Big Boot! To the head! Yokozuna is down!




Big Leg Drop! Mr. Fuji gets punched in the mouth! Hulkamania is reaching critical mass!


Okay, the match is about to end. Guess how it ends. Seriously, guess. What is the most ridiculous, out-of-nowhere idea you can come up with? And remember, in Wrestlemania IX, Giant Gonzalez used a chloroform rag on Undertaker, but tonight's outdoes that a thousand times over.

Interruption from Mr. Fuji? Been done.
Surprise attack from supposed-ally Brutus Beefcake? Yawn.
Lighting fixture falls from the ceiling onto both grapplers? Not NEARLY crazy enough.

Keep in mind, there is no setup, no foreshadowing, no peek earlier at what is to come.

Ready?

You sure?








CAMERA MAN WITH FLAMETHROWER!!!!!!!

You DID NOT see that one coming!




This is why you watch early 90s wrestling. This. I hope they never, ever explain it.



Hogan's down!
Leg drop from Yokozuna!
Hogan's done!



This one's for you, Bogus Adventure



Ha ha ha. The "official decision" goes to Yokozuna. Imagine any other sport where a participant is attacked with a flamethrower in full view of God and everyone and the refs just shrug their shoulders and go, "Guess that means he loses."



"Hulkamania is dead!"



"There's children crying!"


Take it like a man, crybaby.

...


Okay, real talk. I knew from memory that Yokozuna won, but the fireball camera was new to me. And I thought Hogan did slam Yokozuna at some point? Must be confusing it with another event. Anyhow, this will wrap up part 2. Stay tuned for part 3! Coming soon!


RIP Hulkamania

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
drat, this was awesome.
................

Eclipse12 fucked around with this message at 01:27 on Apr 8, 2021

MrMidnight
Aug 2, 2006



just lmao

manero
Jan 30, 2006





Hulkster was 39 when all that happened, he looks at least 10 years older than that

Gavok
Oct 10, 2005

Brock! Oh, man, I'm sorry about your...

...tooth?





I believe they did explain at some point that the photographer was noted heel manager Harvey Whippleman, but it didn't matter because this would be Hogan's last appearance in the company for the 20th century, so there was no point in talking about it.

Also, as a kid, I didn't see this PPV. Instead, I watched it through scrambled cable. Scrambled TV + Jimmy Hart's jacket =

Borrowed Ladder
May 4, 2007

monarch of the sleeping marches

Eclipse12 posted:




Heenan is arguing with JR about the sleeper hold. Heenan says it's "choking him" and JR argues that no, it's not a choke, "it's a sleeper hold." WHAT?
]


Before MMA there was a kayfabe difference between a sleeper and a choke. Announcers often called out that the ref was checking to to make sure sleepers and chin locks were not chokes. Something about slipping your elbow under the chin too far.

Neurolimal
Nov 3, 2012


Has Hulk sans bandana ever not looked like someones gym rat dad

Vince MechMahon
Jan 1, 2008





Borrowed Ladder posted:

Before MMA there was a kayfabe difference between a sleeper and a choke. Announcers often called out that the ref was checking to to make sure sleepers and chin locks were not chokes. Something about slipping your elbow under the chin too far.

In real life they're different things too aren't they? A sleeper stops the blood flow by putting pressure on an artery while a choke is, well, a choke.

SilvergunSuperman
Aug 6, 2010



Man I loving cackled at the flamethrower

ncumbered_by_idgits
Sep 20, 2008



I am quite literally breathless every time I finish one of these reports. Keep up the good work friend. No itís not because Iím fat. I mean I am fat but thatís not why Iím breathless.

ncumbered_by_idgits fucked around with this message at 03:47 on Apr 8, 2021

Bogus Adventure
Jan 11, 2017

More like "Bulges Adventure"

Eclipse12 posted:


This one's for you, Bogus Adventure

lmao, thank u 4 ur service

this eagle cries as Hulkamania dies

Elephant Ambush
Nov 13, 2012

...We shoulde spenden more time together. What sayest thou?




Nap Ghost

https://twitter.com/maki_itoh/status/1379101201078263811

PotatoJudge
May 22, 2004

Tell me about the rabbits, George


She's so good at that, staying perfectly straight and rigid through the fall. Best one was when she started it with no opponent there, her tag team partner catches and stands her back up, drags the opponent over then tips Maki over.

She also uses the top rope diving headbutt which gives me too many Benoit flashbacks. Hopefully she's safer about it and doesn't scramble her brain.

Bogus Adventure
Jan 11, 2017

More like "Bulges Adventure"

PotatoJudge posted:

She's so good at that, staying perfectly straight and rigid through the fall. Best one was when she started it with no opponent there, her tag team partner catches and stands her back up, drags the opponent over then tips Maki over.

She also uses the top rope diving headbutt which gives me too many Benoit flashbacks. Hopefully she's safer about it and doesn't scramble her brain.

Yeah, I worry about that as well. I don't want to see Maki devolve into a chud.

FullLeatherJacket
Dec 30, 2004

Chiunque puÚ essere Luther Blissett, semplicemente adottando il nome Luther Blissett



Vince MechMahon posted:

In real life they're different things too aren't they? A sleeper stops the blood flow by putting pressure on an artery while a choke is, well, a choke.

yeah, putting someone to sleep by compressing both carotid arteries (the side of the neck) is good, trying to forcibly crush someone's windpipe is bad

this post brought to you by a bunch of brazilian jujitsu guys and a bunch of weird sex stuff guys doing the handshake from predator

Eclipse12
Feb 20, 2008



I guess in my experience, most mma submissions that cut off blood flow are still referred to as "chokes" (guillotine, rear naked, triangle, etc). So it's weird to see an argument about whether it's a hold or choke when either way you're depriving the brain of oxygen.

Eclipse12
Feb 20, 2008



All choking aside, I'm more curious about Hogan's loss here. Is the flaming camera widely known/discussed, because it was new to me and even in the book I read it wasn't mentioned. Maybe just thought of as another weird moment in a sport that has endless to choose from?

The book We Promised You a Great Main Event states that Hogan, despite still being a big draw with casual fans, had his value hurt by the steroid scandal, a gimmick that was becoming predictable, and newer more exciting wrestlers. Hogan also felt he needed to ascend to the next level and work on his film career. It's unknown (by me, at least) whether Hogan was already in talks with WCW but he wouldn't get signed by them until a year later.

Technically Hogan did do some more work with WWF after KotR, but it sounds like it was just appearances at live house shows until he officially left in August.

I can kinda see his logic in the Yoko fight. Vince wanted Hogan to lose the title to Hart at Summer Slam but Hogan refused because he felt Hart was "too small" to ever plausibly best Hulk. Yokozuna was big, so that made it okay and they decided he would lose at KotR instead. But, and I'm guessing now, Hogan still didn't love the idea of being beaten fair and square so he needed to lose only because the opponent cheated. And it had to be special, not just salt in the eyes or a low blow. Hence, flaming camera.

Still a hell of a weird way to (temporarily) end his WWF career...

My Lovely Horse
Aug 21, 2010




Of course the Japanese heel cheats using a gimmicked camera. Of course.

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bradzilla
Oct 15, 2004

It's mysterious what attracts you to a post...


Eclipse12 posted:

All choking aside, I'm more curious about Hogan's loss here. Is the flaming camera widely known/discussed, because it was new to me and even in the book I read it wasn't mentioned. Maybe just thought of as another weird moment in a sport that has endless to choose from?

The book We Promised You a Great Main Event states that Hogan, despite still being a big draw with casual fans, had his value hurt by the steroid scandal, a gimmick that was becoming predictable, and newer more exciting wrestlers. Hogan also felt he needed to ascend to the next level and work on his film career. It's unknown (by me, at least) whether Hogan was already in talks with WCW but he wouldn't get signed by them until a year later.

Technically Hogan did do some more work with WWF after KotR, but it sounds like it was just appearances at live house shows until he officially left in August.

I can kinda see his logic in the Yoko fight. Vince wanted Hogan to lose the title to Hart at Summer Slam but Hogan refused because he felt Hart was "too small" to ever plausibly best Hulk. Yokozuna was big, so that made it okay and they decided he would lose at KotR instead. But, and I'm guessing now, Hogan still didn't love the idea of being beaten fair and square so he needed to lose only because the opponent cheated. And it had to be special, not just salt in the eyes or a low blow. Hence, flaming camera.

Still a hell of a weird way to (temporarily) end his WWF career...

I was wondering when Hogan actually showed up in WCW, and I guess it was in 94. Crazy that even in 93 the Hulkamania gimmick was getting stale, yet he kept it up for another 2 years in WCW before the nWo.

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