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Its already February and I haven't seen a good one of these in a long while so lets all roll out our favorite poo poo-related stories. I'll start with my most recent unfortunate poop event, while not pants-making GBS threads per-se, there was definitely poo poo on my pants. I had strolled into the mall early Saturday morning. I like to get a jump on any weekend shopping and beat the crowds. As with most Saturday mornings, I was drinking coffee and had a mild hangover. I could tell that there was a bit of "motion in the ocean" as the automatic doors slid open. The Culprit  I made my way into the first restroom I could find. There was still a custodian in there and he was wiping down sinks. I went to the furthest stall down, prepared to unleash the contents of my previous night upon the pristine porcelain. I sat down and released a torrent of hot beer-poo poo. It was a heroic grog-bog, and I felt relief wash over me like a warm hug. This relief was short lived however. Before I could flush, the custodian started to violently plunge the toilet in the adjacent stall. This created some sort of pressure differential in the pipes strong enough to fire the contents of my own bowl upwards, covering my balls in poo poo-water. It came up high enough to wash over my thighs and drip down the sides of the bowl onto my pants. "WHAT THE gently caress MAN!" I shouted. I understand the man probably didn't realize the contents or scope of his actions. So I wasn't really mad at him, but I desperately needed him to stop plunging. "Oh, oh, sorry, sorry" I heard him reply. "Yeah, cool, whatever". I said. I heard the guy quickly push his cart out of the bathroom, leaving me to clean myself as best I could with the cheap commercial-grade toilet paper. I did a good enough job, left the mall, and drove home. No shopping happened that day. poo poo story number 2: I was a Peace Corps volunteer living in West Africa with a host family in a small village. I was still getting accustomed to everything and had been there for about 1 month. My host mother, who is one of the nicest people I've ever met, usually cooked for me when I got home in the evening. She had asked one of our local staff, a sort of cultural liaison, what sort of food I liked to eat. As it was a very poor village, the options were usually limited, and she tried really hard to be accommodating. She found out that I really like pasta, and set out to make me some spaghetti. She proudly presented me with a covered pot, telling me she had made spaghetti. When I uncovered the pot, the dish was looking back at me. 3 fish heads with spaghetti noodles covered in palm oil and tomato paste. Now, the country I was in was land locked, and these fish were far from fresh. They mostly ate dried fish, and heads were especially prized. I knew she had put effort into it so I muscled down as much of it as I could with a smile on my face to make her happy. That night I was laying outside in my mosquito net and awoke with a horrible pressure in my stomach. I tapped on my belly and it felt like a ripe watermelon. I new that poo poo was imminent. The shitter itself was a hole in the ground about 10 metres away, surrounded by a concrete wall and flimsy wooden door. I tried to get up but I felt like tube of toothpaste. Any sort of bending at the waist and I could feel poop coming out. I managed to roll out of my bed and Bishop from Aliens crawl towards the wall of the adjacent hut, and then use my arms to walk myself up from the prone position while staying completely rigid. I then waddled towards the latrine and managed to get the door open. I positioned my hands on my waistband, know that I had one shot. I squatted and removed my pants in one motion, turning myself into a green-poo poo hydrant. It flowed out from me. I got maybe %20 of it into the hole. I felt woozy and broke into a cold sweat. There was maybe 300ml of water in the "teapot" used for cleaning up. I washed myself up and stumbled back to my sleeping pad and passed out. I was feeling somewhat delirious and was positively mortified when I found out that my host sister had cleaned the latrine the next morning. It was my intention to clean up, but in my depleted delerium I just got confused and fell asleep. Hello.  I had to ride into town and speak to a doctor, who diagnosed me with Amoebic Dysentary. He laughed really hard as he asked me "Have you eaten anything strange lately?" knowing the answer was absolutely yes considering my weak-rear end western stomach. Welp, those are my poop stories for now. Share poop stories here:
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Feb 6, 2021 07:46
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 12:08 |
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P solid username/thread topic.
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Feb 6, 2021 07:49
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once in 1st grade this kid went to the bathroom that was attached to the classroom and he was pissing real loud. Like, I'm just there at my desk and I hear big pee. And I was impressed. like "drat, that owns, that's strong" So I went to piss right after this kid, and I'm tryna piss real loud too. Cuz I'm that kinda guy. But then I pooped myself. But I played it cool and just ditched my underwear in the trash.
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Feb 6, 2021 08:04
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I'm a parent of a 1yearold. Nobody told me ahead of time just how much babies fart. The number of times my wife and I have had to sniff our kid's rear end to determine the difference between sound and fury is immeasurable. That said my kid pooped her pants so hard once they had to be thrown out, totally unsalvageable.
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Feb 6, 2021 08:23
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I went into a Starbucks to apply for a job. They gave me an application form and a pen. I bought a coffee and went to the outside seating area. As I was filling out the form, a bird shat directly on my right hand, splattering onto the page and the pen. People saw it happen and laughed. I took it as a sign from God that I would never work at Starbucks. They called me for an interview a few days later but I had already landed a different lovely job.
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Feb 6, 2021 09:12
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I had noravirus like five years ago and was confined to bed. Well part of the virus is making GBS threads your pants so I did that, changed into nice clean pyjamas then immediately poo poo myself again.
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Feb 6, 2021 09:22
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WILDTURKEY101 posted:once in 1st grade this kid went to the bathroom that was attached to the classroom and he was pissing real loud. Like, I'm just there at my desk and I hear big pee. And I was impressed. like "drat, that owns, that's strong" So I went to piss right after this kid, and I'm tryna piss real loud too. Cuz I'm that kinda guy. But then I pooped myself. But I played it cool and just ditched my underwear in the trash. You totally one upped that kid. sudonim posted:I'm a parent of a 1yearold. Nobody told me ahead of time just how much babies fart. The number of times my wife and I have had to sniff our kid's rear end to determine the difference between sound and fury is immeasurable. Buy them an account. I've got a pants making GBS threads question I'd like to pose to goons. Is it better to have your pants tucked into your gumboots when you soil your slacks? It certainly makes for easier cleanup.
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Feb 6, 2021 10:04
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i've never poo poo my pants but i have poo poo the bed. was chilling in bed naked, as you do, and felt the squirts coming on. normally i can clench up and keep it in long enough to make it to the bathroom, but this time it just burst out. pretty wild feeling having no exit strategy that doesn't involve you soiling your sheets
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Feb 6, 2021 10:09
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egg_dog posted:I had noravirus like five years ago and was confined to bed. Well part of the virus is making GBS threads your pants so I did that, changed into nice clean pyjamas then immediately poo poo myself again. lol I just told this to the entirety of the people here (more than several) and they all laughed.
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Feb 6, 2021 11:19
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Glad my rear end has finally brought some joy into this world
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Feb 6, 2021 11:38
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Years ago I was recovering from the norovirus and was just about to leave to a friend's wedding. Trusted the wrong fart and produced about a tablespoon of sludge. That feeling when you think you've just soiled your only suit... But by some miracle it didn't seep through the underpants instantly and the trousers were saved. Because I'm a huge idiot I still went to the wedding. And somehow I didn't manage to poo poo myself there. It still weirds me out. Obviously it should have happened. It was my destiny to poo poo myself at that wedding. Crazy loving universe, this.
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Feb 6, 2021 11:39
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egg_dog posted:I had noravirus like five years ago and was confined to bed. Well part of the virus is making GBS threads your pants so I did that, changed into nice clean pyjamas then immediately poo poo myself again. Yeah I had noro a couple months back and pooped the bed. I cleaned myself up and then inspected the bed and matter of factly said "yep yep" and woke my wife up and told her I pooped the bed. Changed the sheets and put a thousand towels down and went back to sleep. I'm a hot sleeper and sometimes I sweat and then fart myself awake but think I've pooped myself.
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Feb 6, 2021 11:43
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I poo poo Myself for E-fame and Only Got 5 Re-Tweets!
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Feb 6, 2021 17:51
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does it count if you cheeks held it without touching your underwear
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Feb 6, 2021 19:10
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gary oldmans diary posted:does it count if you cheeks held it without touching your underwear I've definitely had a turtle heading event. Haven't shat my pants yet fully though.
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Feb 6, 2021 19:12
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drat you got some prehensile cheeks clappin back there? Some big booty clasping? G.I. Joe BUnG-fu grip?
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Feb 6, 2021 19:13
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jEM8-Gbknk
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Feb 6, 2021 19:16
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gary oldmans diary posted:does it count if you cheeks held it without touching your underwear
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Feb 6, 2021 19:16
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One time I was just like, gently caress it I’m not getting up to go poo poo. Be what it may, we are not machinations of destiny or minions of fate, I will resist nature and all her obligatory bullshit. I lost a philosophical argument with myself that day. 
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Feb 6, 2021 19:20
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is cooper's sparkling ale any good? I've never heard of seltzer beer before (I'm assuming that's what it is since all beer is technically sparkling)
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Feb 6, 2021 19:27
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That custodian definitely intentionally plunged the toilet to get shitwater on you.
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Feb 6, 2021 19:28
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I once tricked a near-sighted building inspector to approve my wardrobe as a toilet, so basically all my clothes are kosher to poo poo in
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Feb 6, 2021 19:29
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Anyone try them new fangled self-making GBS threads pants? These youths today couldn't even poo poo their own pants, what a goddarn disgrace. Why back in the day we used to poo poo our pants both ways, in a thunderstorm, uphill!
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Feb 6, 2021 19:54
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Chumbawumba4ever97 posted:is cooper's sparkling ale any good? I've never heard of seltzer beer before (I'm assuming that's what it is since all beer is technically sparkling) It's good for midrange Australian beer, so not really. It's like bottle fermented or some poo poo so it comes with a bunch of yeast in the bottle. Iirc it's just fizzier than their pale ale, while still being pretty much a pale ale. It's an impressive attempt to make a process brewed lager with ale yeast and no pasteurization, but why you'd want that I have no idea.
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Feb 6, 2021 19:54
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I poo poo my pants when I was 16. I vomited so hard that the puke bounced off the water in the toilet and hit the walls and I simultaneously shat myself while this was happening. Good times. Wasn't drunk or anything, just normal sick. Didn't puke again until I was in my 30s. It was such a great experience that I developed a very very strong stomach afterwards. It takes a lot for me to hurl now. --- Someone post the goon stories about: a - going on a date and pooping in the girls apartment and flooding the toilet and trying to squish it down the shower b - other goon date where he had a boner and couldn't pee or something and the girl walking in while he was jacking off and pooping or something.
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Feb 6, 2021 20:24
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Waltzing Along posted:
Hahaha I'd love to read this one. Wish the first one was saved somewhere, it was good I have not poo poo myself yet but girls don't poop so it's impossible anyway. Just kidding, there have been a few close calls but it miraculously hasn't happened yet. Once after a late night subway ride that took over an hour, full of lovely college food and Starbucks frappucinno bottles, I came home and basically gave birth
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Feb 6, 2021 20:41
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sudonim posted:I'm a parent of a 1yearold. Nobody told me ahead of time just how much babies fart. The number of times my wife and I have had to sniff our kid's rear end to determine the difference between sound and fury is immeasurable. I’m getting a loving vasectomy
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Feb 6, 2021 21:05
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poo poo pants during sex
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Feb 6, 2021 21:35
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AHH F/UGH posted:I’m getting a loving vasectomy
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Feb 6, 2021 21:36
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Big Beef City posted:drat you got some prehensile cheeks clappin back there? Some big booty clasping? G.I. Joe BUnG-fu grip?
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Feb 6, 2021 21:44
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Lil Swamp Booger Baby posted:poo poo pants during sex That's why you take them off and get on top of a glass table duh
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Feb 6, 2021 22:00
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You can't poo poo your pants if you don't wear pants
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Feb 6, 2021 22:29
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sudonim posted:I'm a parent of a 1yearold. Nobody told me ahead of time just how much babies fart. The number of times my wife and I have had to sniff our kid's rear end to determine the difference between sound and fury is immeasurable. You sure it wasn’t your wife? Women are almost always farting, like women microfart all day long. You notice how women never talk about farting? It’s because they are constantly releasing small amounts of gas from their rear end. They kept alluding to it in Scent of a Woman but pachino never comes out and says it explicitly. Like he wanted to, he wanted to say “women microfart almost constantly and never admit to it, but don’t call them on it nephew, for it is the darkest most well kept secret of the universe, hoooowaaaahh”. It was all distractions and misdirection, like why is HE keeping their secret? It’s a pact between all of them and they won’t break it for anything, I might have said too much already. 
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Feb 6, 2021 22:35
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Chumbawumba4ever97 posted:is cooper's sparkling ale any good? I've never heard of seltzer beer before (I'm assuming that's what it is since all beer is technically sparkling) Its pretty good.
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Feb 7, 2021 00:19
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ClamdestineBoyster posted:You sure it wasn’t your wife? Women are almost always farting, like women microfart all day long. You notice how women never talk about farting? It’s because they are constantly releasing small amounts of gas from their rear end. They kept alluding to it in Scent of a Woman but pachino never comes out and says it explicitly. Like he wanted to, he wanted to say “women microfart almost constantly and never admit to it, but don’t call them on it nephew, for it is the darkest most well kept secret of the universe, hoooowaaaahh”. It was all distractions and misdirection, like why is HE keeping their secret? It’s a pact between all of them and they won’t break it for anything, I might have said too much already. Al Pacino went from being a really good actor who played solemn and meek yet determined characters, really complex individuals, to a loud 90s guy with bird hair. Some say this change is due to a cocaine induced pants making GBS threads episode in the early 90s.
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Feb 7, 2021 00:33
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ClamdestineBoyster posted:You sure it wasn’t your wife? Women are almost always farting, like women microfart all day long. You notice how women never talk about farting? It’s because they are constantly releasing small amounts of gas from their rear end. They kept alluding to it in Scent of a Woman but pachino never comes out and says it explicitly. Like he wanted to, he wanted to say “women microfart almost constantly and never admit to it, but don’t call them on it nephew, for it is the darkest most well kept secret of the universe, hoooowaaaahh”. It was all distractions and misdirection, like why is HE keeping their secret? It’s a pact between all of them and they won’t break it for anything, I might have said too much already. You must know some gassy gals. Not everyone’s like this. That being said for a one week window before (and during) your period, yeah you’re a fart factory
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Feb 7, 2021 01:54
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Poohs Packin posted:Al Pacino went from being a really good actor who played solemn and meek yet determined characters, really complex individuals, to a loud 90s guy with bird hair. Some say this change is due to a cocaine induced pants making GBS threads episode in the early 90s. They say he poo poo his pants in devils advocate to get in character. 
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Feb 7, 2021 03:50
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Al Pacino started mashing nuts with a tonfa, would wait in alleyways and assault the male half of a couple in the dim dark of late evening, arm flourishing with the black Asiatic truncheon gripped firmly in a powerful backhand, upriver swing to gnash gnads and cause pain and psychic harm. He started yelling to enhance the trauma.
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Feb 7, 2021 05:36
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One time several years ago I was violently ill. My wife decided it’s time to go to the ER because I literally can’t walk around the house without vomiting or running for the toilet to crap. Well being poor at the time combined with feeling significantly better on the way there we decided to skip the ER and try to tough it out back at home...bad idea. About halfway home my stomach starts to churn and roll so we again decided to reverse course and go back to the ER. To do this she pulled into the parking lot of a Boston Market to turn around at which time I realized I had to poo poo RIGHT NOW. She stops the car, I try to get out and proceed to fall head over heals across a couple parking spots and immediately poo poo all over myself. To this day, best experience ever at a Boston Market.
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Feb 7, 2021 05:38
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 12:08 |
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ncumbered_by_idgits posted:One time several years ago I was violently ill. My wife decided it’s time to go to the ER because I literally can’t walk around the house without vomiting or running for the toilet to crap. Well being poor at the time combined with feeling significantly better on the way there we decided to skip the ER and try to tough it out back at home...bad idea. About halfway home my stomach starts to churn and roll so we again decided to reverse course and go back to the ER. To do this she pulled into the parking lot of a Boston Market to turn around at which time I realized I had to poo poo RIGHT NOW. She stops the car, I try to get out and proceed to fall head over heals across a couple parking spots and immediately poo poo all over myself. To this day, best experience ever at a Boston Market. Lovely story, thank you for sharing. Really glad to have read and to have seen you share. I'm very glad for you.
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Feb 7, 2021 05:39
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