|
don't ever take a basket that has an old discarded piece of paper in, because it is a cursed shopping list and you will be compelled by a malevolent spirit to buy the items on it even if you don't want them!
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2021 13:36
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 23, 2024 16:10 |
|
|
I went grocery shopping last night. There was a guy in a wheelchair without a mask just kind of sitting by the bakery aisle talking to himself, becoming more and more distraught. Nobody’s paying him any mind. I’m grabbing potatoes a little bit away and hear a loud crash followed by “oh no!” Guys on the floor and yelling and somehow in the short time since I first saw him (45 seconds?) half his face is covered in blood. He’s not able or willing to get up, surrounded by grocery workers. All the customers are just kind of staring cause nobody knows what the gently caress but also shopping at the same time. EMTs come as I was leaving. It was some weird poo poo. Whoever said earlier “get the pre-made sushi you deserve it” I did
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2021 13:36
|
|
|
One pro tip! If you pull your pants down and start pooping, masterbating, and crying loudly in the ice cream aisle the staff will kick you out of the store for free!
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2021 13:37
|
|
|
If you ask the door greeter if they have stairs in their house, they will let you in to the much nicer secret shop under the normal one, where everything is free and they still have all the products you miss from being a kid.
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2021 13:37
|
|
|
A lot of people sue the grocery store for money if they slip and fall on a poorly maintained winter parking lot. That’s silly though, because you’re just gonna buy more food with all that money and give it right back to the store! The pro move is to sue for a lifetime supply of groceries.
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2021 14:17
|
|
|
Big Beef City posted:Or I mean she could text you and you could just remember what you need that never moves from it's spot at the same store you've gone to for years weekly Why don’t you try another app I like, it’s called “SuckMyBalls”
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2021 14:24
|
|
|
once I was MOD in a grocery store and an old lady slipped on some water that was leaking out of a coke fridge by the checkout I was soooo fuckin scared i was gonna get sued but she was a very nice lady. I felt terrible though.
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2021 14:24
|
|
|
Bring a bunch of expired coupons and try to use them on the wrong products. When the cashier tries to tell you no, just start yelling "But it's double-coupon Tuesday!" over and over. Refuse to explain or justify yourself any further. Everyone will hate you, but you will have the satisfaction of having made their day a little bit worse.
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2021 14:26
|
|
|
Rent a Super Nintendo game from the grocery store and then have your Mom accidentally return it to Blockbuster video instead.
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2021 14:27
|
|
|
DarkSoulsTantrum posted:Why don’t you try another app I like, it’s called “SuckMyBalls” GOT 'E Wait hold on wtf!?
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2021 14:27
|
|
|
The Walrus posted:once I was MOD in a grocery store and an old lady slipped on some water that was leaking out of a coke fridge by the checkout Her name was Maria Pepsi and you started a turf war. 1. All mozzarella is fun-sized, so eat it before you leave the store for more fun. 2. Amendment to a previous post: you can flirt with the cashier if you are doing self-checkout. It hurts more when you get rejected. 3. Publix bathrooms are clean enough, but feel like a crime scene waiting to happen. See: opening of Casino Royale. 4. Tip for supermarkets: bring back crane games so I have something to look forward to in my withered husk of a life. The good ones from Japan, not the poo poo ones with asbestos toys and lobster harmonicas.
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2021 14:48
|
|
|
- If you live in a city with walk distance grocery stores and you don't have a car, even though you look dumb af these little pull trolleys that grandma's use are baller for shopping a lot. - never pay full price for coffee, that poo poo is half price constantly - buy things that go together as sets so you always have enough for a meal. Spaghetti and sauce, pizza dough and cheese, lube and zuchini, you don't want to be caught hands down with something missing, let me tell ya
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2021 15:27
|
|
|
When you buy eggs check each egg individually. You'll look like a crazy person spinning all 12 eggs in the carton but at least you'll know that any broken eggs you find later on are nobody's fault but your own. At least I imagine you'd look like a crazy person I've never seen anyone else crazy enough to do it but it sure feels like people are staring at me when I do it.
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2021 15:30
|
|
|
Hot dogs come in packages of 10 and buns come in packages of 8 or 12. you are legally allowed to take two(2) hot dogs or buns out of another package to even this out. Funky See Funky Do posted:When you buy eggs check each egg individually. You'll look like a crazy person spinning all 12 eggs in the carton but at least you'll know that any broken eggs you find later on are nobody's fault but your own.
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2021 15:53
|
|
|
Hand baskets have the right of way, you lazy cart pushers. Move!
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2021 16:06
|
|
|
"I better stand here directly in the middle of the aisle with my cart parked across it and stare at soup." - me, an obese, old white woman
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2021 16:12
|
|
|
Big Beef City posted:"I better stand here directly in the middle of the aisle with my cart parked across it and stare at soup." - me, an obese, old white woman well knock it off
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2021 16:27
|
|
|
Funky See Funky Do posted:When you buy eggs check each egg individually. You'll look like a crazy person spinning all 12 eggs in the carton but at least you'll know that any broken eggs you find later on are nobody's fault but your own. Your grocery bagger offers a free service called “fuckin dem eggs up” to save you time when making scrambled eggs at home. If you don’t want the service make sure to speak up so they can put the eggs directly on top of your bread and tomatoes for extra cushioning.
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2021 16:28
|
|
|
just lol if you can't sense, spiritually, whether any of the eggs are broken
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2021 16:45
|
|
|
Whatever you do, don't pick up a carton that isn't neatly lined up with the rest, or is slightly ajar. That means some other loser picked it up, found a broken egg, and sat it back down. lmao Smugworth fucked around with this message at 17:05 on Feb 9, 2021 |
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2021 16:47
|
|
|
The Walrus posted:once I was MOD in a grocery store and an old lady slipped on some water that was leaking out of a coke fridge by the checkout You should have given her a ban + month
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2021 17:01
|
|
|
The Walrus posted:once I was MOD in a grocery store and an old lady slipped on some water that was leaking out of a coke fridge by the checkout I feel like if it had been a costly enough accident, you could throw the vendor under the bus for that one, depending on how long the spill had been there.
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2021 17:29
|
|
|
Lol, yeah right. What are you gonna do when Coca Cola says "gently caress you" and stops stocking their products in your store? 
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2021 17:34
|
|
|
Meredith Baxter-Burnout posted:Lol, yeah right. What are you gonna do when Coca Cola says "gently caress you" and stops stocking their products in your store? Perfect opportunity for underdog RC Cola to grab some prime shelf space.
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2021 17:46
|
|
|
Is grocery delivery not a huge thing int he US yet? That's what I've been doing for the last 10 months.
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2021 17:50
|
|
|
Bonzo posted:Is grocery delivery not a huge thing int he US yet? That's what I've been doing for the last 10 months. It is, especially now, but it’s awful. You get a million plastic bags because they put like one item per bag.
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2021 17:54
|
|
|
Son of Rodney posted:- If you live in a city with walk distance grocery stores and you don't have a car, even though you look dumb af these little pull trolleys that grandma's use are baller for shopping a lot. Seconding this, mee-maw knows what's up
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2021 18:00
|
|
|
If your instacart driver forgets any of your items, they are required to personally drive you back to the store to make sure they get them - okay, we all know that, but did you know you're allowed to pick the music in their car? That's what that big vote in California was all about.
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2021 22:27
|
|
|
If you go into the store after they turn off all the lights then everything is free!
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2021 23:06
|
|
|
If you stop in the aisle at Aldi's for longer than it takes to grab an item, the customer behind you is allowed to kill you.
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2021 23:06
|
|
|
Meredith Baxter-Burnout posted:Lol, yeah right. What are you gonna do when Coca Cola says "gently caress you" and stops stocking their products in your store? Stick a pepsi fridge there.
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2021 23:28
|
|
|
If you don't have enough money to cover your groceries, offer sex to the cashier in exchange. If they refuse ask to speak to the manager and offer them sex.
|
|
#
?
Feb 9, 2021 23:34
|
|
|
If you're buying small fruit like grapes or cherries it's okay to eat one or two or a handful or so to make sure they are good before you buy them
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2021 01:22
|
|
|
Make sure to block the entrance to the store with your cart as you wipe the grime from its previous utilizer. The more people politely smiling behind you by the time you enter the store, the more the cashiers respect and want to gently caress you.
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2021 01:28
|
|
|
Ever heard of "you break it, you bought it"? Well, you can probably see where I'm going with this.
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2021 01:29
|
|
|
Aardvark! posted:Ever heard of "you break it, you bought it"? Well, you can probably see where I'm going with this. Brb pushing an old lady into the beer display
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2021 01:47
|
|
|
DarkSoulsTantrum posted:Your grocery bagger offers a free service called “fuckin dem eggs up” to save you time when making scrambled eggs at home. If you don’t want the service make sure to speak up so they can put the eggs directly on top of your bread and tomatoes for extra cushioning. related pro tip: pick the checkout lines with ladies doing the bagging rather than a man, because then your lettuce will be at the top of the grocery bag and the canned beans on the bottom. yeah this is probably perpetuating stereotypical societal gender roles, but god drat it is true. the 19 year old dude does not know what a vegetable is or understand that, while a raw red pepper may feel firm and sturdy, it is not a suitable load-bearing element for a jug of OJ.
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2021 02:03
|
|
|
DeadFatDuckFat posted:Brb pushing an old lady into the beer display Dude if you want an old lady that bad you dont have to hurt innocent beer display to get her.
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2021 02:11
|
|
|
The grocery store industry is corrupt af and you can totally bribe the employees and they will let you just walk out the door with the merchandise. They might even put it all in bags for you! Ngl I take advantage of this a lot and it's really the owners' fault for not paying their employees more but I do feel bad for the people storing their groceries there.
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2021 03:19
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 23, 2024 16:10 |
|
|
The Walrus posted:once I was MOD in a grocery store and an old lady slipped on some water that was leaking out of a coke fridge by the checkout One time a lady cut her foot on a broken glass jar and wanted me to put a bandaid on it.
|
|
#
?
Feb 10, 2021 08:12
|
|
