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except read Lord Of The Rings. My sister has been reading it to her son and he's been telling my son about all the cool nazgul battles and poo poo and now my boy wants me to read it to him and i've tried to convince him that it's mostly about walking and people called Glonn'heeDDegah pining for the fjords. You can read comics, read it youself. Let's post where we draw the loving line
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Feb 14, 2021 07:15
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I remember reading about teen girls donating money on Venmo or whatever to some kardashian or Jenner oval office for no reason other than to push her over the billionaire line but if I found my kids sending cash to an oligarch I'd enforce a strict no electricity rule. right now he's two and a half and I draw the line at a half hour of morphle. I hate morphle. stick up for yourself morphle
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Feb 14, 2021 07:23
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I love chicken tenders and nuggets. Who doesn't. But I don't give a poo poo that you want nuggets and chips cause we have mother loving vegetables and schnitzel, come on schnitzel is just like a different tender, no you can't just poke to loving food and say you're full and ready for dessert, just eat some food please, I don't want you getting loving scurvy JUST EAT SOME loving FOOD.
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Feb 14, 2021 07:23
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Your only recourse is to read A Song of ice and Fire aloud to your kids.
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Feb 14, 2021 07:24
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Pawn 17 posted:Your only recourse is to read A Song of ice and Fire aloud to your kids. Heck, i hear it has boobs in it. Tolkien shoulda included something for the dads
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Feb 14, 2021 07:29
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Maybe i should read him Silmarillion to discourage him once and for all
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Feb 14, 2021 07:30
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Eat my rear end, OP For your kds
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Feb 14, 2021 07:51
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QuarkJets posted:Eat my rear end, OP Too big, just as LOTR
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Feb 14, 2021 07:58
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lotr is seriously the most boring poo poo I ever read , it took me three attempts, and I started reading 600 page books when I was like 7. Every time someone would start a 3 page poem about king glumbeard my eyes would 360 no scope in my sockets, it sucks so much. Read him got for real, it's better written, bloody, and porny.
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Feb 14, 2021 07:58
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Just read him The Hobbit it's shorter and better
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Feb 14, 2021 08:04
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ohnobugs posted:Just read him The Hobbit it's shorter and better Yeah this is pretty much my plan Or watch the film E :The LOTR films, not the hobbit films
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Feb 14, 2021 08:07
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Hey dol! merry dol! ring a dong dillo! Ring a dong! hop along! fal lal the willow! Tom Bom, jolly Tom, Tom Bombadillo! Hey! Come merry dol! derry dol! My darling! Light goes the weather-wind and the feathered starling. Down along under Hill, shining in the sunlight, Waiting on the doorstep for the cold starlight, There my pretty lady is, River-woman's daughter, Slender as the willow-wand, clearer than the water. Old Tom Bombadil water-lilies bringing Comes hopping home again. Can you hear him singing? Hey! Come merry dol! derry dol! and merry-o, Goldberry, Goldberry, merry yellow berry-o! Poor old Willow-man, you tuck your roots away! Tom's in a hurry now. Evening will follow day. Tom's going home again water-lilies bringing. Hey! Come derry dol! Can you hear me singing? Suck my ring a dong dillo, bombadil you loving nerd
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Feb 14, 2021 08:09
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Feb 14, 2021 08:16
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Son of Rodney posted:Hey dol! merry dol! ring a dong dillo! Good point. I need to stress to my son that if they ever meet someone like bombadil IRL they need to run away and tell an adult
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Feb 14, 2021 08:28
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I would do nothing for your children
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Feb 14, 2021 08:30
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i hate to point this out, OP, but you are saying that you are willing to read The Silmarillion to your son to be fair, if you try, he may ask you to stop and also stop asking you to read LotR
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Feb 14, 2021 08:35
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just cart this bad boy into his bedroom and let peter jackson do your job for you
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Feb 14, 2021 08:44
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r u ready to WALK posted:just cart this bad boy into his bedroom and let peter jackson do your job for you No way could i afford a tv that big
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Feb 14, 2021 08:47
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read the first part with the Shire and then skip to the Council and then skip to the Balrog (in the books version Legolas seriously shits his pants and starts screaming at this part and it's funny) -- just tell them the story ends when Gandalf dies.
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Feb 14, 2021 08:50
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It's really fun in the book because Legolas and Gandalf are pissing their pants and everyone else is like what the hell is a ball rock.
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Feb 14, 2021 08:51
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Supreme Allah posted:It's really fun in the book because Legolas and Gandalf are pissing their pants and everyone else is like what the hell is a ball rock. It's been 20 years since i read the book but in the film it seemed like the balrog problem could've been solved by walking out the nearby exit. Gandalf just had to show his mad bridge wrecking spell
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Feb 14, 2021 08:56
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Icochet posted:It's been 20 years since i read the book but in the film it seemed like the balrog problem could've been solved by walking out the nearby exit. Gandalf just had to show his mad bridge wrecking spell In that part the book version is much better, they start running and Gandalf isn't sure whats chasing them, and he's casting spells to block it, and the Balrog casts a counter-spell so strong it almost breaks Gandalf (in his words) -- the movie version was great too but the book really sells it that this thing is at least Gandalfs equal (and Legloas does actually scream AEIIII AIIIIEE, he;s the only other one in the party that has perspective on what this thing is) Maybe you should read them the Hobbit it's more of a kids book and I dont think it has much poetry like the main books Actually if they like comics I have this version and it's pretty great - also seems to be on sale https://www.amazon.com/Graphic-subt...13290380&sr=8-1
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Feb 14, 2021 09:14
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I can read some dry-rear end nonfictional history, but I can't read Tolkien. Not even The Hobbit. Every time I try, I get to the barrel-in-the-river part and Tolkien trails off and starts talking about the history of some gently caress-off hill for the upteenth time and I give up in a rage. Either stick to your fantasy language or get a goddamn editor, you poo poo. Maybe I'll try the audiobook next time. Loquacious gently caress.
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Feb 14, 2021 09:21
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my dad read me the odyssey when i was small - approximately one million times cooler, actually moves along pretty rapidly, and will get your kid bragging about all the wild poo poo that happens so his friend will quit LOTR and want to read it too.
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Feb 14, 2021 09:51
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I tried as a kid but stopped at Tom Bombadil. I remember hating all the dumb songs in The Hobbit but when I got to Tom Bombadil and he started singing that fuckin nonsense I was like "This is bullshit!" and went back to some badass Belgariad stuff.
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Feb 14, 2021 09:53
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Sooo i just promised we could watch peter jacksons fellowship of the ring tonight. The kid doesn't know english and subtitles move a bit fast for him (dude is 7) so i will be reading the subtitles out loud to him. For three hours. Not really dodging a bullet, more like taking it in the arm
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Feb 14, 2021 10:29
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Tom Bombadil is boring as gently caress, except that barrow downs part where the hobbits get their first weapons.
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Feb 14, 2021 10:41
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Icochet posted:Sooo i just promised we could watch peter jacksons fellowship of the ring tonight. The kid doesn't know english and subtitles move a bit fast for him (dude is 7) so i will be reading the subtitles out loud to him. For three hours. Not really dodging a bullet, more like taking it in the arm My dude the movies have been translated into all languages that exist, are you Atlantian?? Also comedy option, use the hilarious Chinese subtitles and confuse the hell out of him. He'll want to stop after 15 minutes, saving you a lot of reading. Also they are God drat hilarious      
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Feb 14, 2021 10:47
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Aaah! I have that version! Hoppits is a running joke in my family.
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Feb 14, 2021 10:53
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Son of Rodney posted:My dude the movies have been translated into all languages that exist, are you Atlantian?? Pretty much yes. The atlantian language family survives only in hungary, estonia and finland. Sadly none of these nations have the technology to speak over a movie
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Feb 14, 2021 10:54
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Icochet posted:Heck, i hear it has boobs in it. Tolkien shoulda included something for the dads He did, all the stuff in elvish is actually hella raunchy if you know how to read it, adds a whole nother layer to the story.
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Feb 14, 2021 12:51
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Mooey Cow posted:He did, all the stuff in elvish is actually hella raunchy if you know how to read it, adds a whole nother layer to the story. People think the silmarils are magical jewels or whatever, but they're actually balls.
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Feb 14, 2021 12:59
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when Jackson added the Strider & elf woman love stuff i can't believe he didn't consult the writers of star trek deep space nine, the ultimate successful heroes of writing inter-species romance into nerd poo poo
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Feb 14, 2021 13:13
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Read your kids IT and don't skip past the orgy bit.
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Feb 14, 2021 13:13
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Son of Rodney posted:lotr is seriously the most boring poo poo I ever read , it took me three attempts, and I started reading 600 page books when I was like 7. Every time someone would start a 3 page poem about king glumbeard my eyes would 360 no scope in my sockets, it sucks so much. Please consider reading Silmarillion so, in a very Avast voice, your definitions of boring can be updated.
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Feb 14, 2021 13:54
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The most boring thing I've ever read is a dear friend of mine's translation of Odyssey, which was released in a glacial pace, rewritings, and author notes, and if the concept "a friend's translation of Odyssey" isn't bad by itself, said friend has a very powerful skill at writing really, really boring poo poo. Every original work of his is boring. It's far more boring than the Silmarillion could ever be. I feel like to put this in perspective, I must say that my favorite book of all time is Finnegans Wake. With this in mind, try to picture the threshold of how boring his translation of Odyssey was to annoy me.
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Feb 14, 2021 13:59
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Icochet posted:Maybe i should read him Silmarillion to discourage him once and for all
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Feb 14, 2021 14:00
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hey you guys know you can just not read the poems right? just go right to the end and you don't miss anything. I figured this out when I was 6.
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Feb 14, 2021 14:13
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A real parent edititorialises all the trash out of it, so the length is like 40-50% tops. Hobbit also just way better.
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Feb 14, 2021 14:16
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| # ? Apr 20, 2024 05:26 |
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The Walrus posted:hey you guys know you can just not read the poems right? just go right to the end and you don't miss anything. I figured this out when I was 6. This, but the prose
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Feb 14, 2021 14:16
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