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ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010






Time for the semi-regular reboot of the afp thread, you know how it all works by now, post your favorite food disasters.


quote:

"Oh balls, the chili escaped"


quote:

"Hey ma, you know that thing we had on the stove?"

"The pressure cooker?"

"Yeah, it escaped. Into the mountains. I hope it finds a good home."

As usual, most anything goes, just don't be weird about it. It's not worth starting a blood feud over Carbonara.


But for some examples, there's the good old staple of just plain ugly food:


Unreasonable quantities of food:


The Unknowable:


The Mistakes:


The Weird:

quote:

I made menstrual blood cookies! I am not entirely happy with how they turned out, so I am going to experiment with some recipes throughout the rest of this month so I can try for something great next cycle. This recipe was far too floury.

And the Fad/Influencer poo poo:


Trip reports:
bunnyofdoom tries the Big Boss, which has less snake than one might imagine. And provides his taste test of the reeses cups burger, wherein he both wins and loses.
GOTTA STAY FAI tries out some weird Illinois regional food. And then explains the history of the breakfast abomination only known as The Harold And finishes up with a beautiful hand made reeses cups stuffed burger, beating out Bunnyofdoom. PROCLICK Then makes a delicious Ramen Sandwich
cash crab a local raccoon tries out Subway's in-name-only Lobster Sub And then goes balls ovaries deep into a Double Down
johnnyratbastard demonstrates false advertising with the help of Pizza Hut's mince pie bite stuffed crust pizza
PandaK makes his own pizzabomination
Horrible Smutbeast channels M Night in his tasting of Cadbury's with Vegemite.
And going above and beyond the line of duty, forums hero chitoryu12 goes all out and makes a sister thread just for MREs and military food.
Tasteful Dickpic makes a weird hot dog abomination, but worst of all, he eats it with a fork.
Gotta Stay Fai graces us with his glorious radio voice once again. And maybe eats some poo poo from Wendys idk.
atholbrose goes to Burger King to try out their commemorative Ronald McDonald Clown Blood Burger Angriest Whopper.

Also because we're apparently doing recipes now:
The Page 1731 Chili Cheese Corndog Casserole

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The Bloop
Jul 5, 2004




Ultra Carp









Julias
Jun 24, 2012



I love these threads, claiming top spot with all my love.

Only registered members can see post attachments!

Code Jockey
Jan 24, 2006

you can call
but I seldom answer after all




ground floor

e. I ate a dinner consisting of a pile of hard boiled eggs tonight, thanks to being snowed into my neighborhood and my supplies running a little thin. I don't care. They're delicious.

ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010




And just for the hell of it, gonna post some old faves from previous threads:





https://twitter.com/bobby/status/695630146166984704

Zil
Jun 4, 2011

Satanically Summoned Citrus



Ran out the of eggs when making cornbread tonight and was no way in hell going to the store to get some in all this ice. Turns out you can use vinegar and baking soda as an egg substitute.

Not the greatest, but went well with the chili we made. Oh and lots of butter.

CzarChasm
Mar 14, 2009

Blah Blah Blah
Look at me
I'm the Goddamn Batman
Blah Blah Blah


Bringing it back from the old thread in case anyone missed it

fizzymercy posted:

Do a chili cheese corndog casserole.

In a greased 9/13 casserole: Homemade chilli (leftovers are great for this, make sure it's warmed through though) on the bottom, then a layer of good cheddar cheese, top with cornbread mix made to package directions and mix in chopped raw jalapenos and onion, top that with chopped hot dogs, top with more cheddar cheese.
so:
cheddar cheese+hot dogs
prepped raw cornbread mix with jalapenos+onion
cheese
warmed chilli

Bake at 375f until it's bubbly and browned. Usually 40ish minutes? Serve with pickled jalapenos and sour cream and chopped onions.

It's too good. You'll die of happiness.

Sounds really good. Gonna do it next time I make chilli

Aardvark!
Mar 3, 2002



ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010




CzarChasm posted:

Bringing it back from the old thread in case anyone missed it


Sounds really good. Gonna do it next time I make chilli

I actually put it in the OP so it's there forever, can't just let it go to waste after all.

drrockso20
May 6, 2013

Has Not Actually Done Cocaine


So since Rand can no longer be a mascot for these threads for the horrible things he's done, we definitely need to create new versions of the emotes previously associated with his usual icon, the question is what to replace the obese jaguar with?

InediblePenguin
Sep 27, 2004


somebody posted hot dr pepper in the old thread and i have to vouch for it. i've had many a sip of accidental hot dr pepper after leaving the bottle in the cupholder in the car for fifteen minutes while i pump gas in a texas summer, and thought: "this would actually be great at christmas." i highly recommend it in the proper season tbh! and y'all still in texas are due for an ice storm so what better time than the present to het up your pepper

bunnyofdoom
Mar 29, 2008

He wants to come in...





drrockso20 posted:

So since Rand can no longer be a mascot for these threads for the horrible things he's done, we definitely need to create new versions of the emotes previously associated with his usual icon, the question is what to replace the obese jaguar with?

....what did Rand do?


Like i stoppwd reading the thread for a while.

ulmont
Sep 15, 2010

IF I EVER MISS VOTING IN AN ELECTION (EVEN AMERICAN IDOL) ,OR HAVE UNPAID PARKING TICKETS, PLEASE TAKE AWAY MY FRANCHISE


bunnyofdoom posted:

....what did Rand do?


Like i stoppwd reading the thread for a while.

Check the ending to the last thread and see if you can figure it out. Spoiler: https://forums.somethingawful.com/banlist.php?userid=210968#frompost507039653

bunnyofdoom
Mar 29, 2008

He wants to come in...





What the actual gently caress.

Edit: For content in the spirit of my previous two trip reports I am thinking of sacrifing my body for burger's priest soon

motoh
Oct 16, 2012

The clack of a light autocannon going off is just how you know everything's alright.

https://twitter.com/akaihaato/status/1360947259010023433

Greetings from virtual youtubing, where we watch anime girls order terrifying ingredients from amazon, and then make them worse.

That is a crocodile hand in chocolate.

Ultimate Mango
Jan 18, 2005



motoh posted:

https://twitter.com/akaihaato/status/1360947259010023433

Greetings from virtual youtubing, where we watch anime girls order terrifying ingredients from amazon, and then make them worse.

That is a crocodile hand in chocolate.

Those hands are reserved for the most honoured guests. Respect.

Canned Panda
Jul 10, 2012






Our middle child decided she wanted us to do a Nailed It style competition for her birthday party.

Everyone got a theme. Try to guess what mine was.

I TRIED to make cake pops and, well...




I got DuckTales

City of Glompton
Apr 21, 2014



Canned Panda posted:

Our middle child decided she wanted us to do a Nailed It style competition for her birthday party.

Everyone got a theme. Try to guess what mine was.

I TRIED to make cake pops and, well...




I got DuckTales

i was trying to figure out how this take on loss worked

tonight i'm enjoying how cardi b handily brought out every fancy chocolate-dipped strawberry on twitter

https://twitter.com/artsygalnish/status/1361121971384238082

Scarodactyl
Oct 22, 2015




A couple drafts of attempts at the "small pastry" concept with varying degrees of terribleness.

Part pastry, part shrimp.

All shrimp (pessimal pastry resemblance, but I wanted to draw it)

Part (of a) shrimp

This will take some workshopping.
Anyone have a particularly fat cat?

My Lovely Horse
Aug 21, 2010




Scarodactyl posted:


Part pastry, part shrimp.
I love all of those but this one in particular extremely much

Hempuli
Nov 15, 2011



https://i.imgur.com/9CCzLNG.mp4
This was posted in the previous thread and stuck with me

Some others:






Kenning
Jan 10, 2009

I really want to post goatse. I wish I had 10bux




Hempuli posted:

https://i.imgur.com/9CCzLNG.mp4
This was posted in the previous thread and stuck with me

I hate this man very much.

Mercedes Colomar
Nov 1, 2008


"I have to confess... I never killed anybody."
"Not even a teensy bit of killing?"
"MAYBE I JUST WASN'T TRYING HARD ENOUGH."






I cook at a hospital. I can tell y'all some horror stories of weird gross tickets sometime.

The one that will always stick with me? Pureed tuna salad is a vile, awful thing. It's like cat food, but worse...

bob dobbs is dead
Oct 8, 2017

hes dead


Nap Ghost

My Lovely Horse posted:

I love all of those but this one in particular extremely much

ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010




Scarodactyl posted:

A couple drafts of attempts at the "small pastry" concept with varying degrees of terribleness.


This one is real great goddamn

Edit: Also goddamn i just looked back at the old thread real quick and we were a month away from that one being 5 years old. Christ almighty.

ACES CURE PLANES has a new favorite as of 08:17 on Feb 15, 2021

HookedOnChthonics
Dec 5, 2015

Profoundly dull




in honor of the new thread i wanna inaugurate a new project to taxonomically categorize all afp

the kingdoms would be like

1. normal foods specific goons don't like (maybe because of childhood trauma, maybe because they just hate vegetables, or eggs, or condiments, or the abstract concept of moisture)
2. normal foods, cooked in a purposely weird/bad way or served on strange plates
3. forrin muck (normal food for 75% of the world that the OP hasn't encountered before or thinks sounds gross)
4. #wifematerial
5. masaokis and friends
6. stunts (kings hand and chocolate alligator)

HookedOnChthonics has a new favorite as of 08:43 on Feb 15, 2021

My Lovely Horse
Aug 21, 2010




ACES CURE PLANES posted:

This one is real great goddamn

Edit: Also goddamn i just looked back at the old thread real quick and we were a month away from that one being 5 years old. Christ almighty.
well good thing we're disassociating it from Randaconda then

gschmidl
Sep 3, 2011

it's the journey
not the destination
as we know



"YOU TRIED" DIVISION


RareAcumen
Dec 28, 2012






https://i.imgur.com/5KTEo8c.mp4

My Lovely Horse posted:

well good thing we're disassociating it from Randaconda then

drrockso20
May 6, 2013

Has Not Actually Done Cocaine


HookedOnChthonics posted:

in honor of the new thread i wanna inaugurate a new project to taxonomically categorize all afp

the kingdoms would be like

1. normal foods specific goons don't like (maybe because of childhood trauma, maybe because they just hate vegetables, or eggs, or condiments, or the abstract concept of moisture)
2. normal foods, cooked in a purposely weird/bad way or served on strange plates
3. forrin muck (normal food for 75% of the world that the OP hasn't encountered before or thinks sounds gross)
4. #wifematerial
5. masaokis and friends
6. stunts (kings hand and chocolate alligator)

Needs a category for regular foods at stupid huge sizes

HookedOnChthonics
Dec 5, 2015

Profoundly dull




that would be a phylum under 2

2a. too big to cook sensibly
2b. too small to cook sensibly
2c. too wrapped in other foods to cook sensibly

OwlFancier
Aug 22, 2013

It is a powerful visual metaphor for my posting.


Petition to classify jellied eels as forrin muck.

fizzymercury
Aug 18, 2011


I love this guy so much. I wanna call him Chunderly.

OwlFancier posted:

Petition to classify jellied eels as forrin muck.
Can someone describe the texture of jellied eel? Is it like actually surrounded on all sides by slimy fish jell-o? Is it really eel-forward in flavor? For the life of me I can't fathom an experience that isn't "Jell-o salad made with aquarium scum"

I really want to try them some day. I bet they're appalling in the fun way.

fizzymercury has a new favorite as of 09:44 on Feb 15, 2021

OwlFancier
Aug 22, 2013

It is a powerful visual metaphor for my posting.


No idea, they are purely a london thing afaik, and I've never been to london so I wouldn't know.

Sakurazuka
Jan 24, 2004

NANI?



I've been to London and would rather drink straight from the Thames than try jellied eels

NLJP
Aug 26, 2004




They're appalling in the not fun way. Honestly and I mean this sincerely, I'd rather eat surströmming.

Yes I've done both

Edit: the texture is definitely the issue, not the taste so much

Enfys
Feb 17, 2013

i am a dragon



Perfection

https://mobile.twitter.com/ratemyplatenow/status/1361069877482696704

Ibblebibble
Nov 12, 2013




I've tried jellied eels out of curiosity in Kent, it was like extremely underseasoned and undergrilled unagi with a dollop of vaguely-salty jelly which had no real texture. The eel itself was about 50% meat and 50% vertebrae.

All in all, not the worst food I've ever had, but I wouldn't pay for a second helping.

fizzymercury
Aug 18, 2011



Those are eerily smooth balls.

NLJP posted:

They're appalling in the not fun way. Honestly and I mean this sincerely, I'd rather eat surströmming.

Yes I've done both

Edit: the texture is definitely the issue, not the taste so much

Ibblebibble posted:

I've tried jellied eels out of curiosity in Kent, it was like extremely underseasoned and undergrilled unagi with a dollop of vaguely-salty jelly which had no real texture. The eel itself was about 50% meat and 50% vertebrae.

All in all, not the worst food I've ever had, but I wouldn't pay for a second helping.
Between the two of these I think I really have to try it now. It's starting to sound not too different from my Mema's preserved catfish, which wasn't great because it's home canned catfish in an oyster broth. But you put some vinegar and salt on it and it's food. Definitely a food.

fizzymercury has a new favorite as of 11:14 on Feb 15, 2021

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NLJP
Aug 26, 2004




Yeah honestly it's usually texture that's an issue for me with foods, not so much taste.

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