PYF Horrible Food: your favorite procedurally generated menu items

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CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

HookedOnChthonics posted:

in honor of the new thread i wanna inaugurate a new project to taxonomically categorize all afp

the kingdoms would be like

1. normal foods specific goons don't like (maybe because of childhood trauma, maybe because they just hate vegetables, or eggs, or condiments, or the abstract concept of moisture)
2. normal foods, cooked in a purposely weird/bad way or served on strange plates
3. forrin muck (normal food for 75% of the world that the OP hasn't encountered before or thinks sounds gross)
4. #wifematerial
5. masaokis and friends
6. stunts (kings hand and chocolate alligator)

What about stuff from 1950s cookbooks? In the last thread I made a Spam fort with small potatoes contained within and a side of asparagus and hollandaise sauce because it was from one of those cookbooks, and there's always the theme of "Put it in aspic" that was popular at the time. Totally counts as a food fad from the past.

Oh and a request for a picture: the one with a bowl of pea soup and a single square slice of ham resting on top. Plorp.

edit:

gschmidl posted:

First "Would" of the thread.

Scarodactyl posted:

A couple drafts of attempts at the "small pastry" concept with varying degrees of terribleness.

Part pastry, part shrimp.

All shrimp (pessimal pastry resemblance, but I wanted to draw it)

Part (of a) shrimp

This will take some workshopping.
Anyone have a particularly fat cat?

Once you get a proper small pastry emote, can you make it say "Would" like :getin:

CannonFodder has a new favorite as of 17:00 on Feb 15, 2021

# ¿ Feb 15, 2021 16:42

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# ¿ Apr 25, 2024 10:17

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Dalris Othaine posted:

"Normal food, cooked in a bad and strange way". Everything on that list is normal but they do not belong together.

That's fair.

How about a category of "Audience participation" because in the last thread it was great when Cash Crab got a KFC Double Down and relayed the experience to the thread.

Even in the last pages of the old thread we got this gem of audience participation:

Elviscat posted:

"Hey Elvis?"

"What's up brain? It's like 2 AM"

"You know what you suck at?"

"Baking?"

"Yeah, but worse than that."

"Decorating anything?"

"Yeah that, you're awful"

"OK, cool, I don't care"

"Yeah, but what if you made a cake for your anniversary yourself? Babish made it look super easy"

"Yeah brain, that sounds reasonable. Imma go back to sleep and do that tomorrow. "

My Lovely Horse posted:

The swirl came out nice considering your unorthodox choice of decorating tool

I would love more of this stuff.

# ¿ Feb 15, 2021 17:25

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Brawnfire posted:

The guy behind the camera's reactions had me dying. "aw... oh..."

That looks ... *brain tries to find acceptable word* amazing!

# ¿ Feb 15, 2021 18:08

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Sakurazuka posted:

There must be an easier way....

The easier way is to take off the root and the top layers and then send the onion through one of these guys

# ¿ Feb 16, 2021 17:04

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

The General posted:

Also I would eat all of those baksos.

I would need 120 of my closest friends to take on the Beach Ball Basko, one for each egg. 55kg good heavens that's an enormous meatball.

# ¿ Feb 17, 2021 16:29

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

fizzymercy posted:

Chefkoch! I totally forgot about that site. I have so many weird salats saved from there. I got super into making lunch salads for work and I gotta say the Germans deliver on salad recipes. But they're ugly things.

Much like this thread has no pizza rules, Germany has no salad rules.

# ¿ Feb 18, 2021 16:23

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

DrBouvenstein posted:

Eat like snake!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qxIcKolzdU

The snake guy is Ilram Choi and he talked about it on a "Stuntmen React" video.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8V7XV8hjDs&t=562s

# ¿ Feb 18, 2021 16:35

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

My Lovely Horse posted:

This from the country where a salad is a whipped cream gelatin dessert with candy bars.

Lots of Germanic influence in the US.

# ¿ Feb 18, 2021 19:09

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

steinrokkan posted:

When you eat a dish with soaked wheat or other grains, for added fun imagine that each individual grain that rolls over your tongue is a huge tick, nice and fat and ready to burst as soon as you bite into it.

https://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/1988/11/15

# ¿ Feb 19, 2021 22:45

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Aardvark! posted:

all foods become a salad if you let them sit long enough

If a jello salad sits out long enough to melt and liquify, does that turn it into soup?

# ¿ Feb 19, 2021 22:50

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

uber_stoat posted:

during the Ice Storm of Death I braved the frozen roads to go to the grocery store. it was an absolute madhouse. panic buying of course, and some sections of the store were utterly ravaged. not a single loaf of bread, a few desultory tortilla packages. the frozen section got wrecked too. of course some things no one wants to eat, even if the world is ending. Uncrustables were one of the only things remaining in the frozen food cases.

The only stuff left in the chip aisle of a Memphis truck stop was the ghost pepper tortilla chips and the Chex Mix section which wtf Chex Mix is just fine.

# ¿ Feb 26, 2021 03:34

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

drrockso20 posted:

Chex Mix is often heavily overpriced

It's convenience store food, it's all overpriced, but all of the Lays and Doritos that were also overpriced were gone.

# ¿ Feb 26, 2021 16:36

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

LoudPipesSaveLives posted:

The one like that in NZ is called Bin Inn, they have just about everything either in the dispensers with the lever you pull towards you or the bins you scoop from. We go there for lots of stuff but the main draws are:

They have a Vince Russell peanut butter mill. Roasted peanuts in the hopper at the top, peanut butter out the bottom. Nothing else added, you can choose from smooth to crunchy and fill whatever sized container you want. It rules.

I must find a version of this in the US.

# ¿ Feb 27, 2021 18:40

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

uber_stoat posted:

i feel like you could do a raisin pizza if you used the right cheese and sauce. no pizza rules.

très bonne

And it would be good if the raisins were distributed evenly instead of having a slice of "Oops! All raisins!"

# ¿ Feb 27, 2021 19:57

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

I wonder if the founder of MyPancake will make a movie saying that the election was stolen.

# ¿ Feb 28, 2021 05:17

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Porfiriato posted:

I�m starting to see the thought processes that led to giving mercury a try

Or mercury as a kid led to warm sushi soup as an adult.

# ¿ Feb 28, 2021 08:13

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Chococat posted:

They have those PB machines at Lowes Foods and Sprouts for sure if your location listing is still current.

Awesome, thanks!

edit: I used to work at the Harris Teeter where the Sprouts is now located :stare:

I don't live in Greensboro anymore but I'm close enough for a quick hop over there.

CannonFodder has a new favorite as of 19:56 on Feb 28, 2021

# ¿ Feb 28, 2021 19:48

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

CommonShore posted:

I would take that big box of fries meat and sauce and put it on two sawhorses and lay underneath to wait for my destiny

The slop of Damocles.

# ¿ Mar 2, 2021 15:33

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

uber_stoat posted:

https://twitter.com/bunchofbats/status/1366799282364440576?s=20

Watermelon is the opposite of keto, it's loaded with natural sugar.

# ¿ Mar 3, 2021 01:17

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

uber_stoat posted:

eeeeyyyyyyy happy st patricks day, i made ya pasta and gravy!

More like St Pooptrick's Day.

# ¿ Mar 3, 2021 22:59

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

fizzymercury posted:

I would so hard I'd put on a shirt that already has food stains because I would totally get messy.

fizzymercury posted:

We used to sing that song every Friday while we learned Texas History and eat peanuts and drank fruit punch in 2nd grade. My teacher called us "her little cotton pickers". I grew up weird.

My Mema always called 'em goobers and when she'd make boiled goobers I wished she didn't call them that. Took a lot longer to get around to trying boiled goobers than it would have if they'd been peanuts.

I'd prefer boiled goobers because in the right southern drawl "boiled peanuts" sounds a lot like "bull penis"

CannonFodder has a new favorite as of 16:47 on Mar 5, 2021

# ¿ Mar 5, 2021 16:35

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

fizzymercury posted:

Why?

It's curdled and it has so much nutritional yeast in it I can taste feet from the photo the noodles are overcooked that texture is going to be gritty schmelorp.

I'll plorp some diced ham into my schmelorp and eat it straight from the pot. I'm also a monster that actually like soft noodles.

# ¿ Mar 5, 2021 16:54

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

FFT posted:

Can oven fries not be reverse seared?

Like slow cook'em in the oven then sear the outside on a ripping hot skillet or a quick hot deep fry?

sous vide your oven fries then subject them to ~500F/260C in a little or a lot of fat for a bit to get them crunchy

Ehh... the first bake needs to get some crispness on the outside of the fries then the fries need to cool off at bit before a second bake. Sous vide probably won't give it the outer shell that crunch.

# ¿ Mar 6, 2021 10:08

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Brawnfire posted:

Dude ... I feel like Mrs. John Lithgow when I've got one of those things in my mouth!

Carolus Linnaeus would classify these as lovely.

(different food, same sentiment)

# ¿ Mar 6, 2021 15:54

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Aardvark! posted:

I appreciate the ketchup bottle leaning at the same angle

# ¿ Mar 13, 2021 18:09

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

My Lovely Horse posted:

... cat radish?

It's like horseradish but instead of carrying people around a track it just sits there on the top shelf judging you.

# ¿ Mar 14, 2021 23:30

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Mr.Radar posted:

Does this count as a Pizza Rule or a Milk Rule?

I am unfamiliar with the Milk Rule. Could you please explain?

# ¿ Mar 15, 2021 14:25

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Sekhmnet posted:

I found the won-ton wrappers at the grocery store and I started making rangoon at home. Then I discovered that while the ingredients are very cheap, they are a fiddly pain in the rear end to stuff and fold/wrap . I'm baking them after giving them a spritz of oil, which works but you don't get that bubbly skin on the wonton. I've found it far easier to mix up some green onions, cream cheese and garlic (and show the bowl a picture of a crab like the cheap take out places around here) and use it like a dip for crackers.

Imitation krab is the other option, and maybe shrimp but that's almost as expensive as real crab in some places.

I don't care if it's fake I love it.

# ¿ Mar 16, 2021 21:50

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Is the hand plaster/molded?

# ¿ Mar 16, 2021 22:09

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

StarkRavingMad posted:

I was so disturbed by this that I had to track it down

https://hungryhappenings.com/hand-burgers-creepy-halloween-recipe/

Thanks! I hate it!

# ¿ Mar 16, 2021 22:49

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Chainclaw posted:

Remember this food trend from 10 years ago?

Fast food places were popping up that got one of those spiral potato cutters, and would deep fry it. It was mostly relevant to this thread for the name, they would call these "pornados". A lot of the reviews from this place are people hung up on that name for obvious reasons https://www.yelp.com/biz/hurricane-spud-seattle

I saw a version of that with a spiralized chicken breast. Kicking myself that I didn't try it, now that place is closed and demolished.

# ¿ Mar 18, 2021 16:00

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Aardvark! posted:

I want to see someone make ramen but use one of these instead of the flavor packet

I use this on my carrot and celery sticks

The salt helps the ranch stick to the sticks.

# ¿ Mar 19, 2021 16:32

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

ShortyMR.CAT posted:

Oh hell yeah id eat that lettuce bun burg. I also enjoy wedge salads. Its just more wedge salad. A win win for me

I've had lettuce wrap burgers, and the only downside for me is that they put the same amount of mayo and mustard on the lettuce version but the lettuce doesn't soak up the sauces so it gets extra messy.

# ¿ Mar 21, 2021 14:08

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

uber_stoat posted:

I'm a big wheel down at the Pork Tent.

Wow, that's a deep cut

# ¿ Mar 23, 2021 10:13

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

boar guy posted:

rainbow jello shots where every layer is a different alcohol

Taste the rainbow!

The rainbow is made from various Boone's Farm flavors.

# ¿ Mar 24, 2021 18:27

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

CAPTAIN CAPSLOCK posted:

This is violence. The best part of sicilian pizza is the corner piece because it gets two sides where the cheese crisps up on the sides of the pan.

# ¿ Mar 27, 2021 16:22

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

It claims "spicy taste noodles" but is only one chili pepper out of four. Would more spicy mean more immortal or less?

# ¿ Mar 27, 2021 19:30

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

fizzymercury posted:

I have 3 bags of Voodoo chips in my house right now. I will die clutching a bowl filled with a 50/50 mix of Crawtaters and Voodoo. It's a problem.

I like to dip them in peanut butter mixed with Tabasco.

I like the Voodoo and the Hotter then Hot Jalapeno, but not the hot version of Voodoo. Idgi.

Then I found out Zapps also makes frozen food with Hotter than Hot Jalapeno poppers. :hellyeah:

Found them in Harris Teeter where they also had the Jamaican spicy meat pastys.

# ¿ Apr 2, 2021 20:39

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Data Graham posted:

fwiw,

That L with a line through it "ł" trips up everyone not in Poland. My mom's family called it gwumpki and that's what we ate.

Also, gołąbki means "little pigeon" in Polish, much like how "burrito" is little donkey in Spanish.

# ¿ Apr 13, 2021 19:29

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# ¿ Apr 25, 2024 10:17

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

uber_stoat posted:

eeeyyyy

Made so many of these as a kid.

# ¿ Apr 17, 2021 20:15

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > PYF Horrible Food: your favorite procedurally generated menu items

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