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Dec 14, 2020
Can't post for 3 days!

Kids like kites. Kites are a pain in the rear end to put together. While I disagree with the general thesis, many people also argue that kids are a huge pain in the rear end.

I am trying to break a cycle and not doing a good job. I'll buy a dainty little butterfly kite that is easy to put together. It also just basically crashes into the ground. Easy figure 8 then smash. Fine. I'll buy an "easy kite" on Amazon. I can't put this poo poo together and the instructions seem to assume basic Kite knowledge. In a past life I used to deal with 180kg equipment regularly. So it is not like I am so dainty flower. But my spouse, bless them, thinks I am dainty so they come in and just smash it and break it all leaving my daughter crying.

So, what kite to I buy so I can go fly kites and not have to deal with a lot of assumed knowledge about how kites loving work because I do not know that poo poo?

Absolute beginner level. I do not know what I am doing.


axolotl farmer
May 17, 2007

When I press the special key
it plays a little melody

I know very little about kites, but instablility means that you need to have a longer tail on the kite.

Partial Octopus
Feb 4, 2006

I was hoping this was about those Xtreme kites where people like jump off the ground with their kite and fly like 60 feet or something.

Mar 17, 2009

"I want to break your heart, and give you mine."

An eddy kite or a box kite, op.

Safety Dance
Sep 10, 2007

Five degrees to starboard!

I've always thought Delta kites are pretty straightforward to fly:

Also check out foil and sled kites. They pack down really small, so they're easy to keep in the car or near the door for whenever it's a nice day.

Unrelated story of kite-flying as a kid:

One time on a trip to the beach as a kid, I bought a cheap kite at a toy shop. I flew it on the beach in pretty strong wind and, of course, being a kid, I let out all 600 or so feet of string that came with it. One of the spars snapped, and the kite crashed on top of somebody's house several blocks away. The string was draped over some power lines, but fortunately they were insulated and it didn't cause any damage.

Safety Dance fucked around with this message at 15:58 on Mar 5, 2021


Jul 24, 2008

I grew up flying dual-line stunt kites with my dad and own several of them for wind ratings ranging from 30 mph down to practically no wind at all, and a couple parafoil power kites for upwards of +30mph that I use to smash my frail body against hillsides. I also own an ultralight that can apparently be flown indoors, like inside a gymnasium using nothing but the HVAC, but I'm pretty sure that's bullshit and I got ripped off. I'll never know because it broke the second I breathed on it too hard and I'm never going to bother repairing it because I hate it.

Stunt kites are such a pathetically sad 80's hobby, I'm embarrassed to bust them out in public and I sicken myself when I take them out onto the lonesome rangeland like it's some kind of extreme sport. They're fun if you hate yourself, though. I used to fly formation with people three times my age, it's like water ballet for boring old dudes. I can do all kinds of dumb tricks like backflips and snap stalling into a half-axel followed with a coin flip into a lazy susan, which might sound stupid but believe me, it looks just like a kite getting all tangled up in it's lines as it flails around in mid air. Truthfully, it's the tactile feel of the wind at my fingertips and the power it can produce that's the entire draw for me, it's just a thing to do while you ride the vibe and feel the breeze in your hair. It's also a skill that translates pretty well into things that don't inherently radiate silliness, like kiteboarding or paragliding, unless you live in poverty like me and can't afford nice things. If you're a bougie bitch who has some money but not enough to buy yourself a personality, you can get a quad-line kite like like a Revolution and be lame in style. It compliments jorts and a jimmy buffet dress sense really well, and adults and children of all ages will flock to you in droves to ask about your weird expensive toy and to beg you to let them fly/break it, no matter how badly your desperation stinks or how much you wish they'd gently caress off.

If you still want to see how deep this rabbit hole of sadness goes, Prism are good for beginners. They make relatively cheap single-line and dual-line kites that are weirdly durable for the price and easy to assemble and fly--I mean, they're toys for children how hard can it be?

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