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HugeGrossBurrito
Mar 20, 2018


Mr. Steak posted:

how did some of you write so many words??

procrastinating 50 page papers until two days before the due date.

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Mr. Steak
May 8, 2013

T.T.D.D.T.D.D

Thug lyfe.


i just realized the stories would be copy-pasted so rip to the two (2) italicized words in my story

fishception
Feb 20, 2011

~carrier has arrived~


Oven Wrangler

I dont know i saw rust and thought "man rust vomit would be grody, working in a mine probably does that right???" so I thought about what I was doing for my Thunderdome entry and said "gently caress it same universe let's go" and did that

Spokes
Jan 9, 2010

Thanks for a MONSTER of an avatar, Awful Survivor Mods!

That was a lot more fun than I expected! Thanks for the prompt (and thanks to the two people who occasionally tabbed into the google doc and watched me beat my head against the keyboard)

Edwardly
Jun 28, 2011


Now that it's over I feel safe to post mine as I wasn't a participant and started a bit late.

Tarawa awakens only to Feast
511 Words

The song of the Tarawa was that of nightmares. When it was ďhungryĒ the gnashing of its teeth on its underbelly was like nails on a chalkboard. At all other times, there was a constant moaning as the Tarawa lazily drifted along until it found its prey. The massive Tarawa was always hunting for its next prey.

At first, Taneti had hated this - the Tarawa kept him from really sleeping for the first month he made it his home. However, as he explored the rusted steel that made up the skeleton of this once great beast, he learned to feel comfort in these low growls. The growls meant the Tarawa was temporarily satiated. That it wasnít hunting.

Taneti had found this behemoth - or rather, the behemoth had found him - at a time when he had almost given up hope. Heíd been clinging to a piece of debris for a week and had run out of food several days before. At first, he thought it was a sign from above that he was saved. Now, he knew better. Taneti was just a parasite in its meal.

Where its unending maw was filled with daggers its back was flat with its name emblazoned in large letters. Taneti had created small basins for capturing rainwater as well as planters using the small amounts of soil thatíd been somehow consumed over the years. On good nights heíd sometimes sleep out there under the stars - just to get some peace and quiet.

A shock as the Tarawa pulls hard to port, ripping Tanetiís feet out from underneath him, losing his grip in the process. ďOh no-no-n-Ē Taneti scrambles after the spanner as it skitters across the deck of the Tarawa, catching on the edge. ďOh fu-Ē Taneti misses it by millimeters as it flips off the side, his eyes following it as it flies down and down until it disappears below the clouds a hundred feet below the stern.

ďDammit Tarawa, the hellíd you do that for?!Ē

As if answering him, Tarawa starts to scratch and creak. The shifting and warping of steel. Taneti looks out onto the horizon and sees the hull of a tanker floating directly in its path. He can hear water, freed from being trapped within the superstructure, dripping throughout. Tarawa is salivating. Tarawa had found its next prey.

Taneti scrambles as he feels tremors become more and more frequent. Grabbing a tarp tied off on one side of the planters he runs it to a tie off and puts all of his weight to tighten it, sealing down soil. Buckling and snapping comes from the underbelly of the beast and a bolt only three feet away from Taneti explodes off.

ďJust calm down, you metalhead, youíll eat soon enough, donít pull yourself apart now!Ē

Not satisfied with the tarps, Taneti screams out in frustration. Heíd lost one of the planters a few weeks back and he wasnít planning on losing another. He wraps the rope off the tarp around his forearm, holding it taut.

ďBon appetit, Tarawa, bring me something good.Ē

Aardvark!
Mar 3, 2002



Mr. Steak posted:

i just realized the stories would be copy-pasted so rip to the one (1) italicized word in my story

pasting in here hosed up my paragraph breaks real bad, so i ended up having to gently caress with that in preview for a while. i don't think i'll use word for this next time.

boar guy
Jan 25, 2007



so glad they taught us to touch type in 6th grade

Arsenic Lupin
Apr 11, 2012

This particularly rapid unintelligible patter isn't generally heard, and if it is, it doesn't matter.





Well. I learned something really important. If I turn off ALL the internal voices, I can finish a 1500-word short story in two hours, with time off for dinner. Lesson learned: turn off the internal voices during the first draft.

Rhymes With Clue
Nov 18, 2010



Aardvark! posted:

i noticed several fuckups plot wise/missing things that i needed to put in immediately after i posted. i dont know why posting it made them all immediately obvious

I noticed a whole different story that would have been a LOT better, immediately after I posted.

Psychomax
Apr 4, 2009


I started writing one story, decided it was poo poo, started writing a second story, decided I was better off just sticking with my original idea, ate through my proofreading time and STILL didn't manage to write an ending.

Oh my god I'm dead

Edit: when's the next one

Xelkelvos
Dec 19, 2012


Mr. Steak posted:

how did some of you write so many words??

No idea, but my count is off by a few words because I added some in the post. Also, I was about a half hour late to the party but planned out my idea on the drive in.

Mr. Steak
May 8, 2013

T.T.D.D.T.D.D

Thug lyfe.


my problem was that when i was satisfied with my act 1 and transition into act 2, i noticed i only had 30 minutes left and where i WANTED to put an action sequence and better emotional pacing, I could no longer fit one.

Julias
Jun 24, 2012



I failed

But on the bright side, I've been very rusty with writing in my free time, and the last couple of hours has helped me get a bit of that mojo back.

I'll accept an av or a probation for my failure though.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

boar guy
Jan 25, 2007



slap these into a kindle book and sell it for a dollar imho

toanoradian
May 30, 2011


I'm gonna go against the grain and said I'm proud of my story.

fishception
Feb 20, 2011

~carrier has arrived~


Oven Wrangler

toanoradian posted:

I'm gonna go against the grain and said I'm proud of my story.

I mean same, it's probably better than my thunderdome stories

Thats not saying a lot though

boar guy
Jan 25, 2007



im fine with mine, it isnt great and it isnt poo poo either. two hours cold is a challenge

Mr. Steak
May 8, 2013

T.T.D.D.T.D.D

Thug lyfe.


btw, every single time i wrote an adverb, i could hear sebmojo shaming me in the back of my head. so thanks for that, seb

fishception
Feb 20, 2011

~carrier has arrived~


Oven Wrangler

Mr. Steak posted:

btw, every single time i wrote an adverb, i could hear sebmojo shaming me in the back of my head. so thanks for that, seb

i forgot what adverbs were in the haste of writing

boar guy
Jan 25, 2007



the last time i wrote fiction was 1994 so this was quite eye opening. my dialogue sucks rear end haha

Beezus
Sep 11, 2018

I never said I was a role model.


I am sorry for all of the word crimes I committed this night. I'm also sorry I didn't title my story "Ambien."

Horrible Butts
May 7, 2012


Aw poo poo. I made time for this and forgot.
Congratulations to all who did the drat thing!

toanoradian
May 30, 2011


Didn't know there's such a thing as a 'writing high', I'm pumped up, man, my fingers never moved with such careless abandon before. Gonna put my hands to better use.

HugeGrossBurrito
Mar 20, 2018


boar guy posted:

the last time i wrote fiction was 1994 so this was quite eye opening. my dialogue sucks rear end haha

it was good

boar guy
Jan 25, 2007




oh, thanks!

Xelkelvos
Dec 19, 2012


boar guy posted:

the last time i wrote fiction was 1994 so this was quite eye opening. my dialogue sucks rear end haha

I only have one character and all of it is some sort of exclamation so I think you're fine on that.

boar guy
Jan 25, 2007



i went in trying not to write any dialogue, mainly because i couldn't remember how to format it lmfao

Xelkelvos
Dec 19, 2012


boar guy posted:

i went in trying not to write any dialogue, mainly because i couldn't remember how to format it lmfao

I forgot until I realized it would be all narration without it.

steeltoedsneakers
Jul 26, 2016





boar guy posted:

i went in trying not to write any dialogue, mainly because i couldn't remember how to format it lmfao

For future reference - esp. for things on CC - here's a good guide on formatting for SA that the TD folks use.

boar guy
Jan 25, 2007




Samuel Glompers
Nov 26, 2020


God drat it I pulled the ultimate goon move and read EST as PST

boar guy
Jan 25, 2007



is it okay to talk about what we were trying to do or are judges reading this thread

my goals were to finish, to have a surprise ending, and to write an unlikeable protagonist. originally wanted some sort of love interest/side story too, but cut it for time

Aardvark!
Mar 3, 2002



The short time limit really pushed me to actually complete a story. I'll definitely be back for more of these.

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

Thanks again for the submissions, everyone.

So far, all of the judges are still awake and reading and are perhaps intending on getting judgement done soon. We're all mostly about 50% of the way through.

Mr. Steak
May 8, 2013

T.T.D.D.T.D.D

Thug lyfe.


cursory impressions of the first 2 entries before i realized how many there are and got lazy:

fishception:
a little hard to follow at first, but i like the premise of "mysterious mine investigation", once it was clear that's what was happening.
still a bit hard to follow, though it does read kind of like a nightmare, which isn't a bad thing. i had an enjoyable spook. enjoyable character voice too.

Rhymes With Clue:
this one had me fully engaged from beginning to end, which is not a given with me lol. though after finishing it, i admit im kind of confused what to take away from the resolution. for a moment i thought it would have some kind of horror ending where zanna's depiction of the spider comes true or whatever, but it kind of left me wondering why zanna is suddenly okay, if not for murdery horror reasons. my best guess is that she discovered that she could channel her feeling of hate into her art and then forgave her roommates because they allowed her to get in touch with it (or she thought they did, anyway).
also, i feel like the prompts were included sort of superficially, instead of a major element of the story. which isn't a crime, just an observation

Mr. Steak fucked around with this message at 07:03 on Mar 6, 2021

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

judgement appraoches!

Spokes
Jan 9, 2010

Thanks for a MONSTER of an avatar, Awful Survivor Mods!

Chili posted:

judgement appraoches!

i love judgement!

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

Alright letís get one thing clear first. Competing in this contest was a bold move, and youíre a gritty son of a bitch for even giving it a go.

I got my start doing creative writing here in Thunderdome, which, if you havenít checked out, please do. That contest gives you a week to come up with what you all did in just two hours.

I hope you learned from this process and took something away from it. Iím super happy that this got as much attention as it did and I hope to see more from everyone who submitted.

In Third Place Fishceptionís Men Rust Over with its tale of Company Evil doon th'Pit, this is a deceptively well-written piece, with a lot of clever work going on in the imagery, rhythms and word choices as well as a slick ending.

In Second Place Beezusís Sucks To Be You which economized space and time perfectly this week and delivered an unsettling and vivid scenario that made a lasting, chilling impression.

The Champion: Our winner of the first Write it Now is QuoProQuid with Corrosion. This entry held characters that were believable, a relationship that rang true, and an unsettling story that landed with positive closure and optimism It was polished, evocative, and visually clear.

Winners, be on the lookout for contact from me about your prizes!

And thus concludes this experiment. Someone else do one now, please, so I can participate. Thanks!

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010


Legit Cyberpunk


there was blood on the floor of the judge grotto but that's fairly normal it's weirder when there aren't any stabbings

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Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

Write It Now

Crits for each entry! If you have any questions or comments, please reach out to me directly!

Men Rust Over - Itís impressive what you got done in only a little amount of time. Itís unfortunate that you submitted earlier than you needed to as there are fairly obvious proofing errors that you likely could have caught out if you gave this another pass. But letís get to the story. The voice of this seems to have flowed out of you well, itís not too heavy handed and it works for the most part. I also appreciate how directly you handled the prompt, itís very clear you wrote this thing right the gently caress now. Overall, the imgaery and the concept of coughing up rust/metal itself was visceral and fresh and this is pretty drat effective!



Hate and the artistic temperament - Ehhh, halfway through you got me hoping for a creepypasta twist and then you kinda let me down. What you did really well here was handle the dynamic between room mates who kinda tolerate one another, especially ones who are all struggling. I liked Zanna enough and enjoyed her process but Iím not as much a fan of you introducing a mystery with no solution, and not just not solution, itís kind of ignored in favor of this pompous statement on art. Anyhow, well done for the most part a pretty enjoyable read.



Feed Your Head - The greatest success of this story is its biggest challenge. You wrote a scattered, disorganized story. But it certainly seemed like that was your intent, so well done. Apart from that, you handle the group dynamic well and I found the protagís discomfort and insecurity relatable and true. Little difficult to get a bigger sense of whatís actually happening here though or what Iím supposed to be rooting for/expecting. Well done in your handling of the prompt, which you did directly.



Bill Of The Bridge - OK, we got some things to talk about here. If your story is going to be about this bridge, you gotta at least indulge in a bit of worldbuilding. I need to see this thing. You talk about how people interact with it but give me something to visualize the scene. Also, Iím a little hazy on the ending. Did Bill like become one with this thing? Thereís major jumps in time with little to no actual kinesis in this story so Iím not sure what has or hasnít been earned. Itís quite difficult to tell much of whatís going on here. Your voice in this is the strongest part itís gotta a good feel to it, and it sounds like itís being told to me outloud as a bit of local folklore.



Orange Blossoms and Cheap Cigarettes - Weíve got a person tied up, seemingly kidnapped, and the majority of this story deals with them trying to escape whatever horrific fate may befall them. This is a tricky one. On the one hand I like that the story is tightly focused on one concept. I also think you do a pretty decent job with the errant musings of your protag. On the other hand, I never found myself caring about your protag. I couldnít quite identify anything in them to root for nor was I all too worried about the somewhat vague potential outcomes here. Overall, I didnít ever really buy in to this.



Rusty Feelings - The opening to this is immensely bloated and stogy, I donít care about this person yet so I donít need to learn about their preferences. I get that this a story about one person, doing something seemingly mundane, but you spend nearly the entire story just talking ABOUT this person without actually showing much of anything and then they arrive where they were going and you kinda just dive in to describing more stuff. And then very little, if anything happens except a quick cursory glance at the prompt. I really canít say that I know what you were going for here.



Absolut - Your opening is quite a bit of babble and not much story. As Iím reading this I canít tell if Iím supposed to already know how this person is achieving absolute zero or not. But I certainly donít know, and I mostly donít care. And by the end of this, thatís largely my sentiment, and Iím also confused. I canít quite follow the barking motif and I really donít know whatís going on here except this person is, somehow, being pushed to their moral limits but I also donít really know why or how, and itís hard to care because I donít know much about this person at all.



Buoyant - This works pretty well for me, Itís a singular image and scene between two people and even though itís somewhat surreal and abstract the feelings are real and they pop. The blocking is also relatively solid in that I can tell whatís happening despite it being a tricky thing to portray. Well done.



Gone So - I canít make heads or tails of the device your using to tell this story or why you would choose to do it this way. Itís also really difficult for me to collow the action or even tell who or what is narrating this thing. Time is a tricky concept in this as well as I canít quite tell when these things are happening or how much time passes between beats. But, thanks for capitalizing LEVITATING!



The Floating Continent - Boy, does that first sentence need a comma. The whole first beat feels largely superfluous. Itís clunky and loaded down with personal exposition and feeling. All I wanted out of it is ďcharacter is going on quest to look for a thingĒ You spent way too many words getting us there. You earn some points for me from the rest of the story though cos itís sappy parenting poo poo, and Iím a sappy parent. But thereís quite a few problems here. Iím not sure how Lucretia (whos name you seem to REALLY like to type, like way more than you need to) does to actually earn her kids interest. I think the story plays better if she comes around to him and learns what heís into. I got feels from this, but again, thatís more from my place than the writing itself. I donít know how much I believe this story or could really see it happening.



Rustbucket - Iím conflicted on this one. I loved reading it, and then it ended. Like what? Itís this totally unearned windfall that has no relevance to anything. But ugh, you did a good job characterizing your protag and I was bought in hoping for something cool to happen after his shift ended but thenÖ nothing does, just the most obvious happy ending ever? I wanted more from this.



Yogi - I think you probably know you didnít need to take this long to do what you did. At its corwe weíve got a duel brewing. Itís a good premise for a piece of flash fiction, You spend a lot of time characterizing your protag in that first beat and though you handle it decently itís overblown, and frankly thatís kinda the thru-line for the rest of this. Also, what is going on with these hyphens? Youíre at your best in this story when youíre working place, you pretty deftly handle evoking the senses.



Eating Your Way - This is one goofball of an entry. I donít really see what youíre going for here but I did follow everything, which is some kind of achievement given as what actually happened in this story is relatively bananas. Your concepts here are good and something tells me if you had some actual time to sit down and turn this into something you could, maybe?



Untitled - A title would be helpful here! As it stands, Iím getting mighty lost throughout the first beat, it all largeyl seems like unnecessary introductory crap. She made a mistake, seems to be all that matters. And all of that for a mouse that does a small thing? I canít tell what youíre going for here but it seems to be a laborious tale that indicates something oppressive. Thatís how I felt reading it though as there wasnít much to cling onto or provide intrigue.



Corrosion - Story to beat, as far Iím concerned. Thereís a lot to like here. Your protag manages to transcend just being a cantankerous son of a bitch, thereís humanity in him. The pacing is also sound, I like learning about Johnny in the second beat and how it colors reading things onward. This story, given a bit more time and consideration, could be pretty special or at least expanded into something Iíd like to read more of. The husband is won over a bit easily by his wife in the end, even though he does breadcrumb that he leans on her in the beginning. I want to see more. Anyhow, I read this one with more rapt attention than most so far.



Affixed - The story improves after all the bickering commences. Iím wondering if we really needed it at all? I canít quite tell what the person really wanted going to meet the wizard and then once things start itís often difficult and distracting trying to gauge who is talking. The musings toward the end are somewhat satisfying to read and could very easily have become cloying so thereís at least that.



Sucks to be you - You had me for pretty much all of this. I cared for Carrie and rooted for her. I wanted to learn more and understand her plightÖ. And I canít really say that by the end I do. Clearly thereís been something traumatic but it seems like I should be able to infer more and perhaps Iím missing what that is, or maybe you werenít clear enough. I can tell you that your imagery really worked for me and I did find the experience of just reading the story to be fairly evocative and chilling, I just want to understand more about whatís going on.



Better Late than Never - I appreciate what youíre going for here, but this isnít a story. Itís an essay. Not necessarily a bad essay and itís likely going to be one that occasionally pops itself into my head with an idea I hadnít considered but itís not a story. Iíd like to actually be there with the narrator through some of these episodes and experience them firsthand. You set the stage for that rather nicely, as it happens, by calling into question the nature of reality. Thatís a good seed to a story.



The Rust Miner - I feel like what this story has going for it is accomplished in its elevator pitch ďwhat if rust is whatís really valuable?Ē Apart from that, this is fairly procedural doesnít invite me to care very much. Thereís also a lot of issues with keeping tenses straight and it certainly didnít help that the lines of the story were all smooshed together. What you end up with here is just a bunch of actions that I donít really care too much about.



Night - I am utterly lost here. Thereís a pensieve mourning thing happening, and a seemingly supportive friendship, then demon hunting, and the world is dead but it isnít? How did you go about cramming all of this stuff into just 600 some odd words? At its core the story seems to largely be about grief and Iím guessing everything else is somehow a metaphorical representation of that but man, this thing just gets messy. Itís nearly impossible for me to envision any of this actually playing out.


Magical bureaucracy is really no different than regular bureaucracy - Your prose carries this otherwise bore of a story. Itís a hell of a thing to kind of admit, from the outset, that the story will ultimately be boring but thatís kinda what you invoke with your title. The relationship you have between your protag and their pet is well handled and also a highlight of the entry. I really liked the beginning of the way you characterize your protag. Their voice feels consistent with their identity as well.


Rusty box - Well thatís a story I guess. So the person keeps on occupying this space. They find the safe, and then goes down swinging. I mean, I guess I followed it all well enough but I donít really care about this conflict. I kind of like the imagery of this person digging around trying desperately to find something but then he finds it and the ending doesnít really land. You cook into the story the detail that Ferdie believes if they find the safe all of their problems will be solved, so once they do, I guess it doesnít matter and then they take to attacking these other people? I donít know, itís fine I guess.

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