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Filthy Hans





no one likes these:

Why did the necromancer avoid funerals? He always got an embarrassing case of mourning wood

Why was Jimmy Carter the poorest president? Because he inherited peanuts

I'll tell you the name of one turkey who'd never get pardoned: Joseph Gobbles

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vanisher



all my posts



Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Heather Papps, & Death Sext

biosterous






Filthy Hans posted:

no one likes these:

Why did the necromancer avoid funerals? He always got an embarrassing case of mourning wood

Why was Jimmy Carter the poorest president? Because he inherited peanuts

I'll tell you the name of one turkey who'd never get pardoned: Joseph Gobbles

these are all worthy of a "heh" and a small smile imo



thank you heather papps for this sig!!!

Buttchocks

No, I like my hat, thanks.


This works better spoken aloud, preferably at a wedding reception:

A guy walks into a bar, sits down at the bar, puts his head in his hands and lets out a deep sigh. The bartender walks over and says, "gee, you look down in the dumps; can I get you a drink?"
The man says, "yeah, thanks, I'm just having a difficult time with my wife. I don't even want to be at home right now, that's why I'm here."
"Sorry to hear that," the bartender replies, pouring a drink.
"We'll get through it, though. We'll work it out, it's just one of those arguments couples have. We still love each other; we're still married; we're just going through a rough time. Marriage is like that, you know, ups and downs, better and for worse, that sort of thing. You know how marriage is, don't you? You've been married, right?"
The bartender replies, "Nope, can't say 'I do'."

The joke is that the bartender can't say the words "I do" and therefore can't complete a marriage ceremony.

nut


every stanza that i penned
every verse that i wrote
every line that i rhymed
bout a buckskin coat


sk

(ヤイケス!)




https://giant.gfycat.com/SmoothAdoredFoal.webmthank you prof crocodile and vanisher!!

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bird.




one time i wrote a premise where a middle schooler mistakenly thought "go homo" was cool slang for "going home" and said that he was gonna "go homo" every day after school and everyone else thought he was either confident and brave or extremely shock value edgy but he thought he was just staying current with slang, and nobne of the other middle schoolers felt comfortable enough to ask him what he meant


ty city of glompton

LargeHadron

They say, "you mean it's just sounds?" thinking that for something to just be a sound is to be useless, whereas I love sounds just as they are, and I have no need for them to be anything more than what they are.


Buttchocks posted:

This works better spoken aloud, preferably at a wedding reception:

A guy walks into a bar, sits down at the bar, puts his head in his hands and lets out a deep sigh. The bartender walks over and says, "gee, you look down in the dumps; can I get you a drink?"
The man says, "yeah, thanks, I'm just having a difficult time with my wife. I don't even want to be at home right now, that's why I'm here."
"Sorry to hear that," the bartender replies, pouring a drink.
"We'll get through it, though. We'll work it out, it's just one of those arguments couples have. We still love each other; we're still married; we're just going through a rough time. Marriage is like that, you know, ups and downs, better and for worse, that sort of thing. You know how marriage is, don't you? You've been married, right?"
The bartender replies, "Nope, can't say 'I do'."

The joke is that the bartender can't say the words "I do" and therefore can't complete a marriage ceremony.

This is actually pretty good. But for continuity, I'd switch the order of these two lines: "You know how marriage is, don't you? You've been married, right?"

Anyways, this joke would fit nicely in the canon. I hope you're proud.

Stoner Sloth




lol



sigs by the awesome Manifisto, Vanisher, City of Glompton, Pot Smoke Phoenix, Nut and Heather Papps!!- ty friends!

Glutes Are Great

Well yeah, but honestly..



vanisher posted:

all my posts

https://giant.gfycat.com/NiftySlowBoaconstrictor.webm

RickRogers

Woh, is that a thing I like??

One I trialed on my "so called friends" in the UK:

I would tell you my story of big-penis addiction.

But it's too long.

But rest assured it has a happy ending

Finger Prince

"I think he's watching us..."

"No, it's just the Mountain Peeks."
(Source)



This elicited zero reaction from my Star Wars and electrical engineer friends (they're the same friends) so it either isn't funny or they are frauds (probably the first one).

Scene:
A gonk droid dejectedly gonks down the dusty streets of Mos Eisley, having been repeatedly turned away from various establishments, the owners pointing angrily to their "no droids" sign.
The gonk droid suddenly perks up, seen a bar with a sign that says "lgbt friendly!"
The droid enters, then utters a confused gonk when it appears there are only same-sex couples inside, no power droids at all.

See, it misinterpreted the LGBT sign as -I-GBT... Insulated Gate Bipolar Transistor. Which, being a power droid, and IGBTs being key components in high voltage power supplies...

Thanks you've been a lovely crowd I'm here all week don't forget to tip your waiters!

Filthy Hans





Finger Prince posted:

This elicited zero reaction from my Star Wars and electrical engineer friends (they're the same friends) so it either isn't funny or they are frauds (probably the first one).

Scene:
A gonk droid dejectedly gonks down the dusty streets of Mos Eisley, having been repeatedly turned away from various establishments, the owners pointing angrily to their "no droids" sign.
The gonk droid suddenly perks up, seen a bar with a sign that says "lgbt friendly!"
The droid enters, then utters a confused gonk when it appears there are only same-sex couples inside, no power droids at all.

See, it misinterpreted the LGBT sign as -I-GBT... Insulated Gate Bipolar Transistor. Which, being a power droid, and IGBTs being key components in high voltage power supplies...

Thanks you've been a lovely crowd I'm here all week don't forget to tip your waiters!


looks like your friends haven't stayed current with the Star Wars Extended Universe canon

the joke has potential but I see why it was met with resistance

watt's the matter with your dork friends


and so on

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

Heather Papps


hello internet friend






i like to go "ba da ba ba baaa" and then say something very sad. it's a very clever parody of the mcdonalds jingle but none of my friends or family have ever laughed at any of the times i've gone "ba da ba ba baaa pandemic life!"

https://giant.gfycat.com/GloomyThreadbareAfricanwilddog.webm
a 2020 vanisher original, paired with my khanstant lord - a byob classic!

RickRogers

Woh, is that a thing I like??

Heather Papps posted:

i like to go "ba da ba ba baaa" and then say something very sad. it's a very clever parody of the mcdonalds jingle but none of my friends or family have ever laughed at any of the times i've gone "ba da ba ba baaa pandemic life!"

Lol. I would be sorely tempted to break terrible news this way.

RickRogers

Woh, is that a thing I like??

My and a freind once came up with a whole sitcom concept where David Bowie, Alan Rickman and Jim Broadbent are room mates.

Running gags included:
Jim being picked on by the others until he would sometimes turn into "Moulin Rouge Jim".
David being just an incredible rear end in a top hat and kleptomaniac (routinely steals Alan's milk, so he is forced to eat his cornflakes dry) who cannot tell the truth.
Alan just being terminally sad and monotone.

I mean we thought it was pretty funny and could do all the voices.

google THIS



RickRogers posted:

My and a freind once came up with a whole sitcom concept where David Bowie, Alan Rickman and Jim Broadbent are room mates.

Running gags included:
Jim being picked on by the others until he would sometimes turn into "Moulin Rouge Jim".
David being just an incredible rear end in a top hat and kleptomaniac (routinely steals Alan's milk, so he is forced to eat his cornflakes dry) who cannot tell the truth.
Alan just being terminally sad and monotone.

I mean we thought it was pretty funny and could do all the voices.

The Odd Throuple

RickRogers

Woh, is that a thing I like??

google THIS posted:

The Odd Throuple

Well that's it, that's got to be the title now. No excuses.
I will let everyone know when the pilot is done.

nut


google THIS posted:

The Odd Throuple

jack lemmon party


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Slumpy




clothed spawn


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