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nut


"I apologize, Marcus-dono-sensei, far be it for a mere Ultra-Squire (2th degree) to question the God-King, but aren't we supposed to take the wax off afterwards?"

"Miyagi was a fool. At best, he was half right."

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nut


Brad-kono, Protectorate of the Seventh Seal: Alright class, everyone line up. In 3...2...1....and now kick, punch, it's all in the mind


Bright Bart

False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped.

Two old men fighting with cheap umbrellas.

A toothless damsel looks on in distress.

Heather Papps


hello internet friend






you must learn to flow, like a freshly poured mountain dew. strike boldly, like a racoon attacking a garbage can in full light. but most of all you must be honorable, like he who does not steal his grandmothers medication. now pick up your tire irons, and SPAR!

https://giant.gfycat.com/GloomyThreadbareAfricanwilddog.webm
a 2020 vanisher original, paired with my khanstant lord - a byob classic!

Heather Papps


hello internet friend






i'm not an alcoholic, i'm a ronin. this is a trick!

https://giant.gfycat.com/GloomyThreadbareAfricanwilddog.webm
a 2020 vanisher original, paired with my khanstant lord - a byob classic!

Aardvark!


rise, josh, and receive the highest honor of our art: the camo belt

nut


Sensei Catelynn: Do not fret, nut, for one day, it will work. Until then, practice mercilessly.

nut: *nods sagely, assumes a wide stance and and palm strikes the air in front of me* GET OVER HERE


Heather Papps


hello internet friend






ah yes, my padawan. i see it now! your totem beast is the velociraptor. quickly, don the jersey and sing the song of victory!

https://giant.gfycat.com/GloomyThreadbareAfricanwilddog.webm
a 2020 vanisher original, paired with my khanstant lord - a byob classic!

vanisher



"The art was developed as a necessity to acquire forbidden objects"

Police: Okay but you still can't break into peoples houses and steal their PS5s



Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Heather Papps, & Death Sext

vanisher



I noticed on your resume you have mastered something called "The Art of the Stream" under personal achievements, can you help us understand that?

"I'm not at liberty to discuss the complexities of the martial art, but let's just say I'm the last person you want to pick a fight with in a public restroom"



Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Heather Papps, & Death Sext

vanisher



"You'll give me your wallet if you want to live, punk!"

I cower and reach around to my back pocket with my right hand. The barest glimmer of a smirk crosses my lips as I feel my hand touch the plastic snaps that are the only thing between this idiot and the violent rampage that awaits him when I unclip my fanny pack and wield it like nunchucks as I have trained countless times.



Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Heather Papps, & Death Sext

nut


weve been wasting our time on physical training. through ancient secret arcana and forbidden knowledge I have located all seven dragonballs. they are being held in the kingdom of Etsy, for an affordable price plus shipping.


FutonForensic



my idiot friends stand dumbfounded as i pluck their paintballs out of the air with chopsticks


by Khanstant

Heather Papps


hello internet friend






FutonForensic posted:

my idiot friends stand dumbfounded as i pluck their paintballs out of the air with chopsticks

https://giant.gfycat.com/GloomyThreadbareAfricanwilddog.webm
a 2020 vanisher original, paired with my khanstant lord - a byob classic!

Buttchocks

No, I like my hat, thanks.


Attempting to crane kick in ill-fitting confederate soldier's uniform

nut


alright before you all ask yes I did take advantage of the belt sale at Walmart. and also before you ask no sorry all they had was brown and black. accordingly, you are all karate masters from this day onward


Bright Bart

False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped.

nut posted:

alright before you all ask yes I did take advantage of the belt sale at Walmart. and also before you ask no sorry all they had was brown and black. accordingly, you are all karate masters from this day onward

sk

(ヤイケス!)




vanisher posted:

"You'll give me your wallet if you want to live, punk!"

I cower and reach around to my back pocket with my right hand. The barest glimmer of a smirk crosses my lips as I feel my hand touch the plastic snaps that are the only thing between this idiot and the violent rampage that awaits him when I unclip my fanny pack and wield it like nunchucks as I have trained countless times.

Quote From Man Beaten By Fanny Pack: "What are you gonna do, beat me with your fanny pack?"

https://giant.gfycat.com/SmoothAdoredFoal.webmthank you prof crocodile and vanisher!!

Add to your sig if you're a proud supporter of Local 69!
Check out my Retired Sig Parade!

Luvcow




*montage of a man training for years with his chickens to learn a unique and devastating new style of fighting, chronicling his initial struggles, his cuts and bruises, falls and stumbles, and his eventual conclusion of bowing in respect to a wizened old rooster. scene cuts to a chanting crowd, dim lights and the roar of approval as his opponent enters the ring.... a battle weary chicken perhaps 1/20th his size which he promptly crushes with a flurry of awkward kicks and punches. credits roll as the scene freezes with him raising his bloodied hands in victory*


https://giant.gfycat.com/FrankTightButterfly.webm

thanks to manifisto for the amazing sig

FutonForensic



Luvcow posted:

*montage of a man training for years with his chickens to learn a unique and devastating new style of fighting, chronicling his initial struggles, his cuts and bruises, falls and stumbles, and his eventual conclusion of bowing in respect to a wizened old rooster. scene cuts to a chanting crowd, dim lights and the roar of approval as his opponent enters the ring.... a battle weary chicken perhaps 1/20th his size which he promptly crushes with a flurry of awkward kicks and punches. credits roll as the scene freezes with him raising his bloodied hands in victory*

classic hero's journey


by Khanstant

u sp33k l33t br0

Who Doesn't Like Intercourse?


I misread the title as Hebrew martial arts in a small town.

Royal Updog

Do you ever wonder if there are other planets out there
(source)

u sp33k l33t br0 posted:

misread the title as Hebrew martial arts in a small town.

I feel seen


original sig do not steal

Royal Updog

Do you ever wonder if there are other planets out there
(source)

Kick. Punch. Its all in the mind
Think you know the Torah
I知 sure you値l find
The things I値l teach ya is sure to beat ya


original sig do not steal

nut


Royal Updog posted:

Kick. Punch. Its all in the mind
Think you know the Torah
I知 sure you値l find
The things I値l teach ya is sure to beat ya


nut


sensei, me and the other guys are getting tired of only training by hoisting you up and down in a chair. No, it's not that it's too tough, we're just getting weirded out that we also have to pretend that you're getting married while we do it.


Bright Bart

False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped.

It's good to be sensei.

snergle


we practice ball kundo in this dojo not balldo how many times do i have to tell you! now get out of here. also call me later

snergle


ball kundo is the art of punching / kicking people in the balls but after the lawsuit we have to teach people how to punch / kick people in the ovaries as well so im going to have to strip everyone of their current belt except for staci and we will all re earn our belts as we mastery the new techniques. Also since staci is the only one retaining her belt she is now your sensei.

Luvcow




i think you'll find my extensive research has made me more than a master swordsman and really i am a master of all blades. YouTube really is an amazing resource that our ancestors could have benefited from.


https://giant.gfycat.com/FrankTightButterfly.webm

thanks to manifisto for the amazing sig

aldantefax

ALWAYS BE MECHFISHIN'

two for one sensei deal thanks to the Yes!! Kicks Training Course. say YES!! to KICKS

nut


kung fubu


Heather Papps


hello internet friend






actually this is farm to table historical european martial arts, with a focus on locally sourced ukrainian wrestling and cabbage rolls.

https://giant.gfycat.com/GloomyThreadbareAfricanwilddog.webm
a 2020 vanisher original, paired with my khanstant lord - a byob classic!

PHIZ KALIFA
ABS THUNDERSKULL.

element: thunderbolts.

steed: a thunderbolt.

slogan/motto: "gonna clap them cheeks like a Thunderskull."


making woosh noises as i do ninja moves around my dads room, dodging sick traps as i creep into his closet looking for the hidden treasure: a dog-eared BUDK catalog

mods only know two things: eat hot grape and lie

PHIZ KALIFA
ABS THUNDERSKULL.

element: thunderbolts.

steed: a thunderbolt.

slogan/motto: "gonna clap them cheeks like a Thunderskull."


clutching it to my chest i scamper down the hallway on all fours as my parents sit in stoic silence, maintaining unbroken eye contact with the melting, candlelike visage of Andy Rooney. i slam my door behind me and cackle. i shove my legos under my bed in a grandiose double-armed sweeping motion and sit in the center of what looks like a tornado disaster zone as my eyes bulge completely out of their sockets, sliding over the cheapest possible direct mail print paper hoping to absorb the glory faster.
i sucked my eyes back into my skull like testes fleeing cold water, making a noise akin to a shop vac devouring an entire cafeteria steam tray of spaghetti bolognese. having memorized the appearance and description of every single object for sale, my head cocks back and i begin vividly hallucinating every possible combat application of these tools available to me.
I dissociate so hard envisioning wave after wave of ninja crawling through my bedroom window, spiderlike, which i dispatch expertly with my matching Fire & Ice Twinblade Tactical Machetes. a flock of Spying Pidgeons roosting by the bus stop is pumped full of high-speed copper BBs, fired from a real replica tommy gun. like in the movies.
i sit unmoving for eight hours. my mental kill count has reached the millions. i am an enormous robot slicing planets in half with a sword forged out of every sword from every planet i destroy, and with each kill my reach expands, till all of existence has been reduced to a fine mince floating in an utterly silent void.

mods only know two things: eat hot grape and lie

PHIZ KALIFA
ABS THUNDERSKULL.

element: thunderbolts.

steed: a thunderbolt.

slogan/motto: "gonna clap them cheeks like a Thunderskull."


today in Jeet Kune Dirtbag we'll practice concussing ourselves by hitting a car's A-pillar with an aluminum baseball bat.

mods only know two things: eat hot grape and lie

nut


PHIZ KALIFA posted:

clutching it to my chest i scamper down the hallway on all fours as my parents sit in stoic silence, maintaining unbroken eye contact with the melting, candlelike visage of Andy Rooney. i slam my door behind me and cackle. i shove my legos under my bed in a grandiose double-armed sweeping motion and sit in the center of what looks like a tornado disaster zone as my eyes bulge completely out of their sockets, sliding over the cheapest possible direct mail print paper hoping to absorb the glory faster.
i sucked my eyes back into my skull like testes fleeing cold water, making a noise akin to a shop vac devouring an entire cafeteria steam tray of spaghetti bolognese. having memorized the appearance and description of every single object for sale, my head cocks back and i begin vividly hallucinating every possible combat application of these tools available to me.
I dissociate so hard envisioning wave after wave of ninja crawling through my bedroom window, spiderlike, which i dispatch expertly with my matching Fire & Ice Twinblade Tactical Machetes. a flock of Spying Pidgeons roosting by the bus stop is pumped full of high-speed copper BBs, fired from a real replica tommy gun. like in the movies.
i sit unmoving for eight hours. my mental kill count has reached the millions. i am an enormous robot slicing planets in half with a sword forged out of every sword from every planet i destroy, and with each kill my reach expands, till all of existence has been reduced to a fine mince floating in an utterly silent void.

PHIZ KALIFA posted:

i sit unmoving for eight hours. my mental kill count has reached the millions.

lmfbo


Royal Updog

Do you ever wonder if there are other planets out there
(source)

PHIZ KALIFA posted:

a shop vac devouring an entire cafeteria steam tray of spaghetti bolognese

lol


original sig do not steal

PHIZ KALIFA
ABS THUNDERSKULL.

element: thunderbolts.

steed: a thunderbolt.

slogan/motto: "gonna clap them cheeks like a Thunderskull."


redneck martial arts is basically a rock paper scissors of "sweaty grappling" "wildly off-balance haymaker" and "dropkick."

mods only know two things: eat hot grape and lie

snergle


PHIZ KALIFA posted:

clutching it to my chest i scamper down the hallway on all fours as my parents sit in stoic silence, maintaining unbroken eye contact with the melting, candlelike visage of Andy Rooney. i slam my door behind me and cackle. i shove my legos under my bed in a grandiose double-armed sweeping motion and sit in the center of what looks like a tornado disaster zone as my eyes bulge completely out of their sockets, sliding over the cheapest possible direct mail print paper hoping to absorb the glory faster.
i sucked my eyes back into my skull like testes fleeing cold water, making a noise akin to a shop vac devouring an entire cafeteria steam tray of spaghetti bolognese. having memorized the appearance and description of every single object for sale, my head cocks back and i begin vividly hallucinating every possible combat application of these tools available to me.
I dissociate so hard envisioning wave after wave of ninja crawling through my bedroom window, spiderlike, which i dispatch expertly with my matching Fire & Ice Twinblade Tactical Machetes. a flock of Spying Pidgeons roosting by the bus stop is pumped full of high-speed copper BBs, fired from a real replica tommy gun. like in the movies.
i sit unmoving for eight hours. my mental kill count has reached the millions. i am an enormous robot slicing planets in half with a sword forged out of every sword from every planet i destroy, and with each kill my reach expands, till all of existence has been reduced to a fine mince floating in an utterly silent void.

this really makes the thing i do in long car rides where i pretend im a skateboarding rollerskating ninja fliping and grinding over the terrain seem sane and also increadibly lame. i aspire to your level of imagination.

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(hefting one of my mom's Ginsu knives) It's basically a katana

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