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from now on jokes go in this thread and not other threads. please do not post jokes in other threads, link to posts in thread if you must, but keep all other threads free and clear of jokes.
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Feb 24, 2021 00:16
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| # ? Apr 19, 2024 10:54 |
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I have proof that the OP only exists because the cumshot that made him dribbled out of his mother's rear end in a top hat and down into her vagina (they were doing it doggy).
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Feb 24, 2021 00:17
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when five guys was just becoming a big thing, one was getting ready to open up on my college campus and me and my friend were walking by it and he was like "why isn't it open yet" and I was like "because look, there's only four guys in there" (you could see 4 men through the window)
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Feb 24, 2021 00:23
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An Italian, a Jew, and a Greek all die at the same time and find themselves in front of the Pearly Gates. St. Peter tells them "You three get one more chance to give up your sinful vices and live good lives or you won't go to heaven. You screw up one time here, and you're going to Hell!" So the three appear on the streets of NYC and are walking home until they pass an pasta restaurant. The Italian takes a biiiiiiiiiig whiff of the delicious tomato sauce coming from the front and poof, he disappears So the Jew and Greek continue their walk. Soon, they see a ten-dollar bill laying on the sidewalk. The Jew walks toward it, and the Greek says "No! Don't pick up that ten-dollar bill! You heard what St. Peter said!" The Jew says, "Oy they're not going to worry about ten measly dollars." So he bends over to pick up the bill, and the Greek disappears.
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Feb 24, 2021 00:28
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516 922 WINE
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Feb 24, 2021 00:32
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AHH F/UGH posted:An Italian, a Jew, and a Greek all die at the same time and find themselves in front of the Pearly Gates. St. Peter tells them "You three get one more chance to give up your sinful vices and live good lives or you won't go to heaven. You screw up one time here, and you're going to Hell!" Idgi Is it Racism?
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Feb 24, 2021 01:19
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Professor Shark posted:Idgi Gay
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Feb 24, 2021 01:26
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I'm the notoriously sinful vice "pasta sauce."
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Feb 24, 2021 01:28
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Professor Shark posted:Idgi The joke is that this never happened and is all the imagination of a thirteen-year-old autistic boy.
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Feb 24, 2021 01:42
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numberoneposter posted:from now on jokes go in this thread and not other threads. please do not post jokes in other threads, link to posts in thread if you must, but keep all other threads free and clear of jokes. I don't get this joke??
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Feb 24, 2021 01:44
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Professor Shark posted:Idgi He buttfucks him. 
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Feb 24, 2021 01:46
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The proof is me btw I was the butthole (but I'm not anymore).
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Feb 24, 2021 01:47
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Zeluth posted:516 922 WINE Use your finger!
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Feb 24, 2021 01:52
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William Henry Hairytaint posted:The proof is me btw I was the butthole (but I'm not anymore). Ehhhhhhh *wiggles hand*
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Feb 24, 2021 01:52
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my wife
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Feb 24, 2021 02:10
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I don’t like that joke Edit: not your wife
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Feb 24, 2021 02:12
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Cross posting this from the actual joke thread because it’s the best joke ever. If you ever tell it at a party, be sure to act it out. Al Cu Ad Solte posted:Three guys are walking through the woods when they find a lamp. One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie.
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Feb 24, 2021 02:35
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How many Germans does it take a to screw in a lightbulb? One, they're efficient but not very funny.
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Feb 24, 2021 03:52
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What’s the difference between Baptists and Methodists? Methodists wave to each other in the liquor store.
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Feb 24, 2021 04:32
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numberoneposter There's the joke
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Feb 24, 2021 04:33
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DarkSoulsTantrum posted:Cross posting this from the actual joke thread because it’s the best joke ever. If you ever tell it at a party, be sure to act it out. This is amazing
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Feb 24, 2021 04:36
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turn off your monitor for the joke
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Feb 24, 2021 04:54
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A guy is at a restaurant, and he walks into the bathroom to take a piss. While he's peeing, a very short man in a green suit with bright orange hair walks in and takes the urinal next him. The first man, being naturally curious, looks around the divider for a comparison,and sees that the short, orange haired man has a monstrous penis. Shocked, the first man strikes up a conversation and says, "Hey, I couldn't help but notice that you have a huge dick." The short man replies with a very thick Irish accent, "Well yes, I'm a leprechaun, ya know." The first man says, "Well, if you'e a leprechaun, that means you grant wishes, right?" The leprechaun says, "Sure I grant wishes. Whatcha want, son?" He replies, "I would like to have a large dick like yours." The leprechaun nods and says, "Big dick? No problem. But, as payment, I have to do ya." The first man looks confused for a second and says, "Do me? What do you mean by that?" The leprechaun chuckles and says, "Well imma take you in the stall, bend you over and do ya." The man considers it and accepts the offer. They go into the stall, and the leprechaun starts doing him, and asks "So, son, what's your name?" The man grunts and says, "Tommy." "How old are you, Tommy?" "Twenty six." The leprechaun chuckles for a second and says, "Tommy, don't you think 26 is a little old to be believing in leprechauns?"
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Feb 24, 2021 20:09
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BigBadSteve posted:A guy is at a restaurant, and he walks into the bathroom to take a piss. While he's peeing, a very short man in a green suit with bright orange hair walks in and takes the urinal next him. The first man, being naturally curious, looks around the divider for a comparison,and sees that the short, orange haired man has a monstrous penis. Shocked, the first man strikes up a conversation and says, "Hey, I couldn't help but notice that you have a huge dick." The short man replies with a very thick Irish accent, "Well yes, I'm a leprechaun, ya know." The first man says, "Well, if you'e a leprechaun, that means you grant wishes, right?" The leprechaun says, "Sure I grant wishes. Whatcha want, son?" He replies, "I would like to have a large dick like yours." The leprechaun nods and says, "Big dick? No problem. But, as payment, I have to do ya." The first man looks confused for a second and says, "Do me? What do you mean by that?" The leprechaun chuckles and says, "Well imma take you in the stall, bend you over and do ya." The man considers it and accepts the offer. They go into the stall, and the leprechaun starts doing him, and asks "So, son, what's your name?" The man grunts and says, "Tommy." "How old are you, Tommy?" "Twenty six." The leprechaun chuckles for a second and says, "Tommy, don't you think 26 is a little old to be believing in leprechauns?" lmao 
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Feb 24, 2021 20:15
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Its my favorite party joke and its pretty terrible, but the context is important. It was told to me by a matronly grandmother lady probably in her late 70s, at some BBQ picnic thing I was at. Imagine your grandmother telling you this joke. There is an accident and a guy's wife ends up in a coma in the hospital. After a week or two the doctors are stumped, not sure how to revive her. They talk with the husband, suggesting maybe he can sit with her and read a favorite book, or even just the newspaper. The husband is willing to try anything, so yeah... Doctors say we will be in the next room monitoring her signs. Unfortunately nothing changes. The docs say they will discuss it and come up with another plan. The next week they suggest he holds her hand, brushes her hair, talk to her, etc, maybe the physical contact from her husband will work. Husband is a-okay with that. Docs say they will monitor from the next room. Again though, nothing changes. The doctors again say they will discuss it and see what they can suggest. Third week, and the docs suggest that though this is very personal, maybe some oral stimulation could cause a reaction. Husband is all in, anything at this point. Again, docs say they will be in the next room monitoring. The docs leave. Monitoring from the next room, the docs are watching vital signs. Suddenly the heart rate monitor goes from beep...beep...beep, to BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP and then a flatline... They rush into the patient's room... The husband is buck naked totally panicked out. They ask what happened. His reply: "I think she choked."
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Feb 24, 2021 20:48
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what did the italian cheesemaker say when his cheese factory exploded? gouda grief-a!
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Feb 24, 2021 21:54
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drat OP we’ll miss you in the other threads
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Feb 24, 2021 22:00
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DarkSoulsTantrum posted:Cross posting this from the actual joke thread because it’s the best joke ever. If you ever tell it at a party, be sure to act it out. Chrs posted:drat OP we’ll miss you in the other threads
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Feb 24, 2021 22:14
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What do Jehova's Witnesses and Balls have in common? They knock but they never get in.
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Feb 24, 2021 23:02
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Ventral EggSac posted:What do Jehova's Witnesses and Balls have in common? may I direct you to the balldo thread
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Feb 24, 2021 23:03
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guess what chicken butt AHH F/UGH posted:An Italian, a Jew, and a Greek all die at the same time and find themselves in front of the Pearly Gates. St. Peter tells them "You three get one more chance to give up your sinful vices and live good lives or you won't go to heaven. You screw up one time here, and you're going to Hell!" If smelling food is a sin, then I'm going to double hell or something.
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Feb 24, 2021 23:06
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Nefarious 2.0 posted:may I direct you to the balldo thread Oh, I've been there many times, heh (Balldo == Watchtower??? gently caress )
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Feb 24, 2021 23:09
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I Ii II I-
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Feb 24, 2021 23:13
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it turns out that hobbits name was bilbo. theres probably a joke in there someone could think of
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Feb 24, 2021 23:21
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This joke only works if you're a Brummie What kitchen utensil is both cheap and costly? Six pence sieve
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Feb 24, 2021 23:32
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Internetjack posted:Its my favorite party joke and its pretty terrible, but the context is important. It was told to me by a matronly grandmother lady probably in her late 70s, at some BBQ picnic thing I was at. Imagine your grandmother telling you this joke. Tite Barnacle fucked around with this message at 23:50 on Feb 24, 2021 |
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Feb 24, 2021 23:48
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this thread is a joke
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Feb 24, 2021 23:49
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A jewish rabbi and a catholic preist are on a plane filled with seminary students on their way to do missionary work. Suddenly the engines fail and the plane begins to plummet from 30,000 feet. The pilot can't control it, it's clear that there only a few minutes left before the inevitable impact. Priest turns to the rabbi and says, we should gently caress these boys. The rabbi responds, out of what?
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Feb 25, 2021 00:01
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Space Race Riot posted:Norm MacDonald
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Feb 25, 2021 00:23
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| # ? Apr 19, 2024 10:54 |
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Space Race Riot posted:A jewish rabbi and a catholic preist are on a plane filled with seminary students on their way to do missionary work. Suddenly the engines fail and the plane begins to plummet from 30,000 feet. The pilot can't control it, it's clear that there only a few minutes left before the inevitable impact. Priest turns to the rabbi and says, we should gently caress these boys. The rabbi responds, out of what? That preist has gone rouge and the cheifs at the vatican need to send an enfrocer to bring him back in line!!
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Feb 25, 2021 00:53
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