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I joined a monastery so I could see what all this hub-bub about enlightenment's about and I'm getting pretty sick of it. Can't even ask someone where the extra sugar packets are kept without someone answering: "An oak tree!" or hitting me on the head with a stick. Just trying to find inner peace but they won't give it to me until I solve their "unanswerable riddles". Anybody know where I can find an answer key? Really just trying to get this knocked-out so I can say I've escaped Samsara and move on to the next thing. And before you ask I've washed my bowl four loving times in the last 24 hours. I'm not washing it again.
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Feb 25, 2021 07:08
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look if you idiots are too dumb to solve this quiz that you need to spend the next 40 years working it out, that's on you Me? I'm just here to get the box ticked and the certificate to put on my CV in the hope next years round of pay rises looks on me favorably, like sun setting over a quiet lake
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Feb 25, 2021 07:20
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Let's go down the back oval and solve a couple of conez after school if you know what I mean.
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Feb 25, 2021 07:25
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I remember asking people for some salt for some oatmeal (it was like bulk rolled oats and milk etc but totally unsalted) and they all looked at each other for about 30 seconds like silently reasoning with each other if it was ok to tell me where the salt was and then one of them feebly told me what Tupperware bin it was in as if they had revealed some horrible secret they were going to be murdered for and I was like jfc if these idiots don’t learn how to speak to ppl I’m gonna poo poo in their sugar. 
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Feb 25, 2021 07:27
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**Claps with one hand at you**
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Feb 25, 2021 10:51
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It seems obvious now but the sound of one hand clapping is clearly a euphemism for masturbating.
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Feb 25, 2021 10:54
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I am a tree falling in the woods AMA
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Feb 25, 2021 13:20
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Q: If a tree falls in the forest an no one is around to hear, does it make a sound? A: yes. Soundwaves are produced regardless of whether there is an observer present.
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Feb 25, 2021 13:50
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*slow cl raising into ovation*
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Feb 25, 2021 14:13
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If you stand facing the Buddha just to the right and double jump forward you can clip through the alcove wall and get to enlightenment without doing all the koans
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Feb 25, 2021 14:58
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What are best strats on killing Buddha on the road tho
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Feb 25, 2021 14:59
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Did you try washing your bowl OP? I find it to be a calming task that allows my mind to find its own way through life’s riddles.
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Feb 25, 2021 15:07
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Wu or mu, whatever.
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Feb 25, 2021 15:12
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Stop telling me things are a reminder of the impermanence of life! I'm just trying to find out what the part number is so I can order a new one so I can fix the TV and watch sportsCenter. I do not need to know how this is a metaphor for existence.
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Feb 25, 2021 15:29
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*dead air*
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Feb 25, 2021 15:34
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The part number for what is missing in your existence is 42069.
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Feb 25, 2021 15:42
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What is the sound of one hand clapping? A: who loving cares nerd lmao
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Feb 25, 2021 15:42
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I am one with the earth, the sun and the moon. I'm fat AF.
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Feb 25, 2021 15:44
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Rage Against the Machine - Farting in the rear end Of
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Feb 25, 2021 15:45
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If you can’t solve the koan you’ve already figured it out.
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Feb 25, 2021 16:11
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The master keep wordlessly holding up flowers. Is he hitting on me?
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Feb 25, 2021 18:10
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Would you like to wash Wang? Or watch Wang wash wang?
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Feb 25, 2021 18:12
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A novice was trying to fix a broken Lisp machine by turning the power off and on. Knight, seeing what the student was doing, spoke sternly: “You cannot fix a machine by just power-cycling it with no understanding of what is going wrong.” Knight turned the machine off and on. The machine worked.
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Feb 25, 2021 18:15
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Lil Swamp Booger Baby posted:Would you like to wash Wang? Or watch Wang wash wang? Yes
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Feb 25, 2021 18:38
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*cuts off your arm* now, you are enlightened
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Feb 25, 2021 18:50
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Applewhite posted:Q: If a tree falls in the forest an no one is around to hear, does it make a sound? Sound waves are merely waves of energy. Sound does not exist until the energy is perceived by someone/something with sound receptors. (Devil's advocate)
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Feb 25, 2021 19:53
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Applewhite posted:Q: If a tree falls in the forest an no one is around to hear, does it make a sound? how do you know though you don't know if the tree is in a vacuum or a pocket dimension where sound doesn't exist or, at that exact moment, at that exact place, all sound was muted 
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Feb 25, 2021 20:02
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Q: "Manjusri Manjusri why do you not enter?" "I don't see a difference between outside and inside. Why should I enter." A: Manjusri's going to catch a cold because he's playing games with his health.
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Feb 25, 2021 20:31
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BIG FLUFFY DOG posted:I joined a monastery so I could see what all this hub-bub about enlightenment's about and I'm getting pretty sick of it. Can't even ask someone where the extra sugar packets are kept without someone answering: "An oak tree!" or hitting me on the head with a stick. Just trying to find inner peace but they won't give it to me until I solve their "unanswerable riddles". The answer was your stupidity all along The answer is meaningless, as are you The answer is We Nars
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Feb 25, 2021 20:42
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Someone needs to tell the guy hitting this bell during chanting that hes completely off-rhythm
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Feb 25, 2021 20:54
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BIG FLUFFY DOG posted:I joined a monastery so I could see what all this hub-bub about enlightenment's about and I'm getting pretty sick of it. Can't even ask someone where the extra sugar packets are kept without someone answering: "An oak tree!" or hitting me on the head with a stick. Just trying to find inner peace but they won't give it to me until I solve their "unanswerable riddles". lol yea e: and you knew it'd be me Big Beef City fucked around with this message at 22:16 on Feb 25, 2021 |
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Feb 25, 2021 22:13
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Lol, you're asking me to achieve enlightenment by thinking about getting dressed.
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Feb 25, 2021 22:32
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Colonel Cancer posted:What are best strats on killing Buddha on the road tho Peanuts. He's super allergic but too polite to refuse if you offer him some.
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Feb 25, 2021 22:34
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Colonel Cancer posted:What are best strats on killing Buddha on the road tho Poisonous Mushrooms or spoiled pork depending on ur character build
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Feb 25, 2021 23:02
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BIG FLUFFY DOG posted:Poisonous Mushrooms or spoiled pork depending on ur character build Speed runners just one hand clipping to skip the encounter
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Feb 25, 2021 23:05
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Just got admitted for food poisoning. Probably should have washed my bowl
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Feb 25, 2021 23:08
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If you meet the Buddha on the road, give him a handie.
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Feb 25, 2021 23:35
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christmas boots posted:If you meet the Buddha on the road, give him a handie. This "handie" is actually called Buddha's Delight, and can be ordered at many chinese restaurants. Please note that it is customary and polite to take off your pants before ordering it
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Feb 25, 2021 23:44
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This thread sucks, I was expecting a collaboration of Goon minds to crack these ancient koans with good old fashion crowd sourced effort. Instead you guys are just posting jokes or something. This is why Reddit laughs at us.
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Feb 25, 2021 23:49
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CheeseThief posted:This thread sucks, I was expecting a collaboration of Goon minds to crack these ancient koans with good old fashion crowd sourced effort. Desire is the source of all suffering. Accept the suchness of the thread and you will find peace
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Feb 25, 2021 23:51
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