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BIG FLUFFY DOG
Feb 16, 2011

On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog.




I joined a monastery so I could see what all this hub-bub about enlightenment's about and I'm getting pretty sick of it. Can't even ask someone where the extra sugar packets are kept without someone answering: "An oak tree!" or hitting me on the head with a stick. Just trying to find inner peace but they won't give it to me until I solve their "unanswerable riddles".

Anybody know where I can find an answer key? Really just trying to get this knocked-out so I can say I've escaped Samsara and move on to the next thing. And before you ask I've washed my bowl four loving times in the last 24 hours. I'm not washing it again.

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Serak
Jun 18, 2000

Approaching Midnight.

look if you idiots are too dumb to solve this quiz that you need to spend the next 40 years working it out, that's on you

Me? I'm just here to get the box ticked and the certificate to put on my CV in the hope next years round of pay rises looks on me favorably, like sun setting over a quiet lake

Funky See Funky Do
Aug 20, 2013
STILL TRYING HARD

Let's go down the back oval and solve a couple of conez after school if you know what I mean.

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015



I remember asking people for some salt for some oatmeal (it was like bulk rolled oats and milk etc but totally unsalted) and they all looked at each other for about 30 seconds like silently reasoning with each other if it was ok to tell me where the salt was and then one of them feebly told me what Tupperware bin it was in as if they had revealed some horrible secret they were going to be murdered for and I was like jfc if these idiots donít learn how to speak to ppl Iím gonna poo poo in their sugar.

Weka
May 5, 2019

And if you gaze long into an abyss, you will say `look, no ring.`

**Claps with one hand at you**

Funky See Funky Do
Aug 20, 2013
STILL TRYING HARD

It seems obvious now but the sound of one hand clapping is clearly a euphemism for masturbating.

Prof. Crocodile
Jun 27, 2020



I am a tree falling in the woods AMA

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

IN THE GRIM BARKNESS
OF THE FUTURE
THERE ARE ONLY DOGS



Nap Ghost

Q: If a tree falls in the forest an no one is around to hear, does it make a sound?

A: yes. Soundwaves are produced regardless of whether there is an observer present.

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

*slow cl raising into ovation*

Ventral EggSac
Dec 3, 2019



If you stand facing the Buddha just to the right and double jump forward you can clip through the alcove wall and get to enlightenment without doing all the koans

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

What are best strats on killing Buddha on the road tho

DarkSoulsTantrum
Apr 6, 2011

this kills the crab

Sure, they're visually impressive, but a lot of posters find large avatars physically uncomfortable. Furthermore, the owners of large avatars often rely on their size alone and don't bother to develop more refined posting techniques.





Did you try washing your bowl OP? I find it to be a calming task that allows my mind to find its own way through lifeís riddles.

bomb
Nov 3, 2005




Wu or mu, whatever.

BIG FLUFFY DOG
Feb 16, 2011

On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog.




Stop telling me things are a reminder of the impermanence of life! I'm just trying to find out what the part number is so I can order a new one so I can fix the TV and watch sportsCenter. I do not need to know how this is a metaphor for existence.

bomb
Nov 3, 2005




*dead air*

DarkSoulsTantrum
Apr 6, 2011

this kills the crab

Sure, they're visually impressive, but a lot of posters find large avatars physically uncomfortable. Furthermore, the owners of large avatars often rely on their size alone and don't bother to develop more refined posting techniques.





The part number for what is missing in your existence is 42069.

A Festivus Miracle
Dec 19, 2012

I have come to discourse on the profound inequities of the American political system.



What is the sound of one hand clapping?

A: who loving cares nerd lmao

Saalkin
Jun 29, 2008

GREAT RACK



I am one with the earth, the sun and the moon. I'm fat AF.

Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Aug 1, 1981

MTV




Rage Against the Machine - Farting in the rear end Of

hell astro course
Dec 10, 2009

pizza sucks



If you canít solve the koan youíve already figured it out.

BIG FLUFFY DOG
Feb 16, 2011

On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog.




The master keep wordlessly holding up flowers. Is he hitting on me?

Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Aug 1, 1981

MTV




Would you like to wash Wang? Or watch Wang wash wang?

Vivian Darkbloom
Jul 14, 2004



A novice was trying to fix a broken Lisp machine by turning the power off and on.

Knight, seeing what the student was doing, spoke sternly: ďYou cannot fix a machine by just power-cycling it with no understanding of what is going wrong.Ē

Knight turned the machine off and on.

The machine worked.

DarkSoulsTantrum
Apr 6, 2011

this kills the crab

Sure, they're visually impressive, but a lot of posters find large avatars physically uncomfortable. Furthermore, the owners of large avatars often rely on their size alone and don't bother to develop more refined posting techniques.





Lil Swamp Booger Baby posted:

Would you like to wash Wang? Or watch Wang wash wang?

Yes

StarkRavingMad
Sep 27, 2001





Yams Fan

*cuts off your arm*

now, you are enlightened

Genesplicer
Oct 19, 2002

If anyone wants me, I'll be in the Angry Dome!

Total Clam

Applewhite posted:

Q: If a tree falls in the forest an no one is around to hear, does it make a sound?

A: yes. Soundwaves are produced regardless of whether there is an observer present.

Sound waves are merely waves of energy. Sound does not exist until the energy is perceived by someone/something with sound receptors. (Devil's advocate)

low key sex master
May 27, 2004






Applewhite posted:

Q: If a tree falls in the forest an no one is around to hear, does it make a sound?

A: yes. Soundwaves are produced regardless of whether there is an observer present.

how do you know though

you don't know if the tree is in a vacuum or a pocket dimension where sound doesn't exist or, at that exact moment, at that exact place, all sound was muted

BIG FLUFFY DOG
Feb 16, 2011

On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog.




Q: "Manjusri Manjusri why do you not enter?"

"I don't see a difference between outside and inside. Why should I enter."

A: Manjusri's going to catch a cold because he's playing games with his health.

pop fly to McGillicutty
Feb 2, 2004
Im gonna put cupcakes on your mind


BIG FLUFFY DOG posted:

I joined a monastery so I could see what all this hub-bub about enlightenment's about and I'm getting pretty sick of it. Can't even ask someone where the extra sugar packets are kept without someone answering: "An oak tree!" or hitting me on the head with a stick. Just trying to find inner peace but they won't give it to me until I solve their "unanswerable riddles".

Anybody know where I can find an answer key? Really just trying to get this knocked-out so I can say I've escaped Samsara and move on to the next thing. And before you ask I've washed my bowl four loving times in the last 24 hours. I'm not washing it again.

The answer was your stupidity all along

The answer is meaningless, as are you

The answer is We Nars

BIG FLUFFY DOG
Feb 16, 2011

On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog.




Someone needs to tell the guy hitting this bell during chanting that hes completely off-rhythm

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013




BIG FLUFFY DOG posted:

I joined a monastery so I could see what all this hub-bub about enlightenment's about and I'm getting pretty sick of it. Can't even ask someone where the extra sugar packets are kept without someone answering: "An oak tree!" or hitting me on the head with a stick. Just trying to find inner peace but they won't give it to me until I solve their "unanswerable riddles".

Anybody know where I can find an answer key? Really just trying to get this knocked-out so I can say I've escaped Samsara and move on to the next thing. And before you ask I've washed my bowl four loving times in the last 24 hours. I'm not washing it again.

lol yea

e: and you knew it'd be me

Big Beef City fucked around with this message at 22:16 on Feb 25, 2021

ikanreed
Sep 25, 2009

Rise and shine, master leprechaun.





Lol, you're asking me to achieve enlightenment by thinking about getting dressed.

goatface
Dec 5, 2007

I had a video of that when I was about 6.

I remember it being shit.




Grimey Drawer

Colonel Cancer posted:

What are best strats on killing Buddha on the road tho

Peanuts. He's super allergic but too polite to refuse if you offer him some.

BIG FLUFFY DOG
Feb 16, 2011

On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog.




Colonel Cancer posted:

What are best strats on killing Buddha on the road tho

Poisonous Mushrooms or spoiled pork depending on ur character build

ikanreed
Sep 25, 2009

Rise and shine, master leprechaun.





BIG FLUFFY DOG posted:

Poisonous Mushrooms or spoiled pork depending on ur character build

Speed runners just one hand clipping to skip the encounter

BIG FLUFFY DOG
Feb 16, 2011

On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog.




Just got admitted for food poisoning. Probably should have washed my bowl

christmas boots
Oct 15, 2012

To these sing-alongs of siren songs
To oohs to ahhs to big applause
With all of my anger I scream and shout
America, I love you but you're freaking me out


Biscuit Hider

If you meet the Buddha on the road, give him a handie.

DeadFatDuckFat
Oct 29, 2012

This avatar brought to you by the 'save our dead gay forums' foundation.


christmas boots posted:

If you meet the Buddha on the road, give him a handie.

This "handie" is actually called Buddha's Delight, and can be ordered at many chinese restaurants. Please note that it is customary and polite to take off your pants before ordering it

CheeseThief
Dec 28, 2012




This thread sucks, I was expecting a collaboration of Goon minds to crack these ancient koans with good old fashion crowd sourced effort.

Instead you guys are just posting jokes or something. This is why Reddit laughs at us.

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BIG FLUFFY DOG
Feb 16, 2011

On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog.




CheeseThief posted:

This thread sucks, I was expecting a collaboration of Goon minds to crack these ancient koans with good old fashion crowd sourced effort.

Instead you guys are just posting jokes or something. This is why Reddit laughs at us.

Desire is the source of all suffering. Accept the suchness of the thread and you will find peace

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