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A Fancy Hat
Nov 18, 2016

Always remember that the former President was dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin



"East of the Rockies, you're on the line."

"Yeah so I think my house is haunted. I got a camera set up in the living room and every night I'm picking up a lot of orb activity. Orbs everywhere. I had a psychic come by and he said the house was built on the site of an old insane asylum and he needs to perform a cleansing ritual.

So I go down in the basement and, sure enough, I get this weird vibe and my psychic said that's because there's probably some dead patients under the concrete. He wants to dig up my basement and put the bodies to rest, it's a little expensive but it should stop my orb problem. Has anybody dealt with something similar? Thanks, big fan of the show."

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DarkSoulsTantrum
Apr 6, 2011

this kills the crab

Sure, they're visually impressive, but a lot of posters find large avatars physically uncomfortable. Furthermore, the owners of large avatars often rely on their size alone and don't bother to develop more refined posting techniques.





*has radio on in background*

A Fancy Hat
Nov 18, 2016

Always remember that the former President was dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin



Yeah, hi, I uh.... I saw a UFO over my house last week. I heard it first, it kinda sounded like a helicopter. Then I look up and saw lights on it, kind of like a helicopter might have.

What was this helicopter-like UFO I saw?

Who What Now
Sep 10, 2006

In the cheery brightness of the 41st millennium there is only CHRISTMAS SPIRIT!


The LIEberals want to put chemicals in my medicare opioids to turn me trans! We need to stop the DEMONrats! They keep stealing my trash, that's why I have to keep all my garbage in my garage now, but I'm running out of room so I now it's going in my large adult son's room. Why won't anyone stop them from listening to my thoughts?!?

Ad by Khad
Jul 25, 2007

SomethingAwful's Official Karen





George please, I don't think it was angels, okay

A Fancy Hat
Nov 18, 2016

Always remember that the former President was dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin



Ad by Khad posted:

George please, I don't think it was angels, okay

Follow up question, what kind of clothing do you think these angels were wearing? Was it perhaps a cotton blend of some sort? Could these angels be wearing robes made of polyester?

DarkSoulsTantrum
Apr 6, 2011

this kills the crab

Sure, they're visually impressive, but a lot of posters find large avatars physically uncomfortable. Furthermore, the owners of large avatars often rely on their size alone and don't bother to develop more refined posting techniques.





“Hey, uh, first time listener, long time caller here...ah gently caress GODDAMIT KENNY YOU BEEN TRYIN TA GET ON THIS SHOW FOR FOUR YEARS AND YA gently caress IT ALL UP LIKE YA gently caress EVERYTHING UP LKE YA DID WITH SUSIE AND THEN WORKIN AT THE PLANT MOTHERF—“

nuketulsa
Apr 18, 2003

budlitemolaram



Hello there is a portal to hell in my bathroom

Athanatos
Jun 7, 2006

Est. 1967


Hi Art first time, long time...gonna be a bad steamroller issue:
https://soundcloud.com/user-917488080/c2csteamroll

Also going to be something awful at the old pencil factory:
https://soundcloud.com/user-917488080/pencilfactory

HOMO ERECTUS
Dec 27, 2012

Love Conquers All







SOMETHING AWFUL DOT COM WE GOT THE POSTS WE GOT THE THREADS COME ON BY

Paint Crop Pro
Mar 22, 2007

Find someone who values you like Rick Spielman values 7th round picks.





Back when I got off work at midnight I used to enjoy listening to Coast to Coast on my ride home.

Also their Halloween special Ghost to Ghost AM was usually really good.

OMFG FURRY
Jul 10, 2006

[snarky comment]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-AcfyuoyOkg

Ad by Khad
Jul 25, 2007

SomethingAwful's Official Karen





Hi Art it's Monica from Reno here

My new years prediction for 1996 is, I think there's going to be a lot of harmonizing energy across the west coast and, it's going to like, this energy is going to be harnessed by the government and I think by the end of the year we're going to have astral projection as transportation from Oregon to Alaska

I'm wondering if your guest knows anything about which particular frequencies are best for astral projection?

A Fancy Hat
Nov 18, 2016

Always remember that the former President was dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin



Ad by Khad posted:

Hi Art it's Monica from Reno here

My new years prediction for 1996 is, I think there's going to be a lot of harmonizing energy across the west coast and, it's going to like, this energy is going to be harnessed by the government and I think by the end of the year we're going to have astral projection as transportation from Oregon to Alaska

I'm wondering if your guest knows anything about which particular frequencies are best for astral projection?

Hi Monica I'm a psychic healer based in Fresno and I can help you out. You want to buy some amethyst and place it in a circle around the place where you want to set up your astral projection zone.

Now I actually have a sale right now on amethyst, and I'd also suggest you order some sage. I can hear some dark spirits on the phone behind you right now, picking up a LOT of EVP material with my spirit box.

Okay, so anyway, has anyone else experienced an encounter with a shadow person? One has been lurking in my house, when I go down in the basement I hear a strange hissing noise and develop terrible headaches, that's when the shadow person shows up. I'm going to burn some sage in the basement tonight to get rid of it.

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013




Hey this is Aaron, Rainbow 7 out by the big lakes, and I'm just wonderin' *muffled sounds of something* when...if uh..the government is gonna acknowledge some of the...*more muffled sounds* some of the uh lights and such that we're seeing?

youre dick
Jan 29, 2019


Ad by Khad posted:

Hi Art it's Monica from Reno here

My new years prediction for 1996 is, I think there's going to be a lot of harmonizing energy across the west coast and, it's going to like, this energy is going to be harnessed by the government and I think by the end of the year we're going to have astral projection as transportation from Oregon to Alaska

I'm wondering if your guest knows anything about which particular frequencies are best for astral projection?

good post/av combo

DarkSoulsTantrum
Apr 6, 2011

this kills the crab

Sure, they're visually impressive, but a lot of posters find large avatars physically uncomfortable. Furthermore, the owners of large avatars often rely on their size alone and don't bother to develop more refined posting techniques.





“Hey, uh, this is, uh, uh Bob Onmydick *snickers* and uh, I uh, got *background laughter* some paranormal activity in my pants *muffled laughter*. *Snorts* I keep waking up covered in ectoplasm *more laughing* can you uh, send someone out to investigate I think they might find a lot to *guffaws* uncover here *wild laughter, hangs up*”

limaCAT
Dec 22, 2007

il pistone e male


Slippery Tilde

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b26W3PcgS5U

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014



hi id like to request AC/DC - Back In Black.

COMPAGNIE TOMMY
Jan 24, 2016

If you can look into the seeds of time, and say which grain will grow and which will not...





THEYRE EXTRA DIMENSIONAL BEINGS

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013




COMPAGNIE TOMMY posted:

THEYRE EXTRA DIMENSIONAL BEINGS

...and really Art?
That's the reason I want to speculate that our instruments can't find them.

Waterbed Wendy
Jan 29, 2009

airy tender puffs



Hi, is the secret sound french stewart?

Extra Large Marge
Jan 21, 2004



Fun Shoe

Not only did we not land on the moon, but the moon itself isn't even real. It's a hologram projected onto the night sky by the New World Order to trick us into thinking that the government ISN'T controlling the tides using a second HAARP array built on an offshore platform near St. Helena island.

Who What Now
Sep 10, 2006

In the cheery brightness of the 41st millennium there is only CHRISTMAS SPIRIT!


COMPAGNIE TOMMY posted:

THEYRE EXTRA DIMENSIONAL BEINGS

Mr. Lucas? George? Hey- hey Geor- Mr. Lucas if you don't calm down I'm going to have to hang up on you!

El Macho
Feb 10, 2005


Hey Art, I have discovered a hidden alien flying creature that I call Roswell Rods, as they have rod shaped bodies surrounded by mysterious spiral wings . You can only see them when you set up your VHS cam corder in certain lighting conditions and review the footage later on. Please see my website for more details.

FBS
Apr 27, 2015

The real fun of living wisely is that you get to be smug about it.



I had sex with a ghost wolf that came out of my radio

Waterbed Wendy
Jan 29, 2009

airy tender puffs



FBS posted:

I had sex with a ghost wolf that came out of my radio

Oh no that was 5g actually. You have wifitis now babe.

Noblesse Obliged
Apr 7, 2012



I will prove to your callers that psychic ability is real.

For instance. The next caller will have gone through a brutal divorce

Poasty
Nov 17, 2017


Ultra Carp

Bigger Luke is on the loose

bweep boop!
Dec 31, 2007

Nice shootin', Tex!

Good evening - Art? Art. I just want to comment now on the Mothman; I know it might be scary to a lot of listeners, but I gotta say I'm not scared. Why? Because of one man who lived a long time ago, and who was in the most important book ever written. That man is Jesus Christ, and that book is the Bible. I know a lot of - huh? Oh, yeah. Oh, sure, okay. Thank y-

Space Camp fuckup
Aug 2, 2003



Noblesse Obliged posted:

I will prove to your callers that psychic ability is real.

For instance. The next caller will have gone through a brutal divorce

lol

MageMage
Feb 11, 2007

I SUCK AND LOVE TO YELL PERFORMATIVE HOT TAKES AND NONSENSE LIES WHEN I GET WORKED UP. SOMETIMES AUTOBANNED IS BETTER. MAYBE ONE DAY WHEN I STORM OFF I'LL ACTUALLY STOP SHITTING UP THE SITE FOR REAL


*low battery smoke detector chime*

wesleywillis
Dec 30, 2016

SUCK A MALE CAMEL'S DICK WITH MIRACLE WHIP!!


Hey George, I was reading on the somethingawful.com forums that when you get the covid vaccine, the microchip that gets implanted in to you steals your energy and sends it to the lizard people dimension where it is used to power sex toys. Does your guest know if these are regular sex toys or GAY SEX TOYS?

Chinatown
Sep 11, 2001

~*Suck My Balls*~

Fun Shoe


Mods KNEW

Code Jockey
Jan 24, 2006

you can call
but I seldom answer after all




Hi, first time caller, long time listener. I've installed a pyramid of aluminum foil on my desk, exactly 5"x5" at the base with the correct angles described in last month's newsletter. My question is, is there a preferred brand of foil to use? I went with a store brand, and it seems to be discouraging the wicked thoughts, but it isn't entirely ridding me of them

wesleywillis
Dec 30, 2016

SUCK A MALE CAMEL'S DICK WITH MIRACLE WHIP!!


Code Jockey posted:

Hi, first time caller, long time listener. I've installed a pyramid of aluminum foil on my desk, exactly 5"x5" at the base with the correct angles described in last month's newsletter. My question is, is there a preferred brand of foil to use? I went with a store brand, and it seems to be discouraging the wicked thoughts, but it isn't entirely ridding me of them

You definitely need to use brand name foil. The minimum "name" brand you should be using is the costco brand, Kirkland. Any less than that is just asking for trouble, as the purity of the aluminum in store brands is only about 75% whereas the Kirkland brand is 83.67% so thats good, but you should try the Alcan, or Reynolds brand as they are closer to 96.93% pure aluminum.

COMPAGNIE TOMMY
Jan 24, 2016

If you can look into the seeds of time, and say which grain will grow and which will not...





K first of all you need purestrain aluminum

wesleywillis
Dec 30, 2016

SUCK A MALE CAMEL'S DICK WITH MIRACLE WHIP!!


COMPAGNIE TOMMY posted:

K first of all you need purestrain aluminum

Hey listen PAL, I've been an Illuminattiolo... I mean ALUMINOLOGIST for over 25 years now. I know what I'm talking about!!

A Fancy Hat
Nov 18, 2016

Always remember that the former President was dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin



Hi Art, I'm a hiker and a few weeks ago I was out hiking. The weather was really nice and I saw the sun shining off of something, so, you know, I go to see what it is.

Anyway I'm under this beautiful tree and I see a piece of metal and an alien body there. And she has very shapely breasts, I'd guess they were double Ds for sure. And she's got long blonde hair. But I knew she was an alien because she's wearing this shiny metal suit that looked like tin foil. And she had 6 arms and 3 eyes which were all black.

So I go up to her and before I know it she's running at me and I trip over a tree root and fall. Next thing you know, I wake up strapped to a table and surrounded by 9 alien women. All of them with enormous, bouncing, bountiful breasts. So that's when they start the semen extraction, Art.

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Halloween Liker
Oct 31, 2020



Art: On my Area 51 line, you're on the air, hello.

Male caller: Hello, Art?

Art: Yes

Caller [sounds frightened]: I don't have a whole lot of time.

Art: Well, look, let's begin by finding out if you're using this line
properly or not.

Caller: OK, in Area 51?

Art: Yes. Are you an employee or are you now?

Caller: I'm a former employee. I, I was let go on a medical discharge
about a week ago and, and... [chokes] I kind of been running across the
country. drat, I don't know where to start, they're, they're gonna,
they'll triangulate on this position really soon.

Art: So you can't spend a lot of time on the phone, so give us something
quick.

Caller [voice breaking up with apparent suppressed crying]: OK, um, um,
OK, what we're thinking of as aliens, Art, they're extra-dimensional
beings, that, an earlier precursor of the space program they made
contact with. They are not what they claim to be. They've infiltrated a
lot of aspects of, of, of the military establishment, particularly the
Area 51.

The disasters that are coming, they, the military, [long pause] I'm sorry, the
government knows about them. And there's a lot of safe areas in this
world that they could begin moving the population to now, Art.

Art: So they're not doing, not doing anything.

Caller: They are not. They want those major population centers wiped out
so that the few that are left will be more easily controllable...."

[Broadcast begins to break up]
Art [fragment]: ...discharged...

Caller [uncontrolled sobbing, then fragment]: I say we g ....

[Dead air]

Halloween Liker fucked around with this message at 14:56 on Feb 26, 2021

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