BIG TEXAS, BIG STATE, BIG INFECTION RATE

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > BIG TEXAS, BIG STATE, BIG INFECTION RATE

flubber nuts: Oct 5, 2005

Pennywise the Frown posted:

In boot camp my company was outside of the med bay sitting down for something and one of the corpsman said "Everyone from Texas stand up!" Like, a third of the company stood up. "These guys will gently caress you! They will gently caress you!"

i know where im going for spring break!

# ? Mar 3, 2021 00:35

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# ? Apr 19, 2024 07:16

Shinjobi: Jul 10, 2008; Gravy Boat 2k

Pennywise the Frown posted:

Sorry Texas, I'm not a fan of you. You need better education programs.

We need a hell of a lot more than just that, but yeah

# ? Mar 3, 2021 00:45

Novo: May 13, 2003; ^{Stercorem pro cerebro habes}; Soiled Meat

i'm going to make some bold predictions:

- in a month or two this will become the spectator thread for posting the ongoing collapse of texas

- they will somehow end up selling most of their vaccines to take advantage of temporarily inflated market prices

- having vaccinated only 10% of texans by the height of hurricane season, the thread will be renamed to reflect the hilarity of the first of what become yearly hypercanes making landfall

- the torrential rains cause lots of plant growth, but this is short lived as the last heat waves of summer kill most vegetation and create conditions for massive wildfires. the thread is renamed again

- winter 2021: texas freezes again

etc

# ? Mar 3, 2021 00:50

Fluffy Bunnies: Jan 10, 2009

Novo posted:

i'm going to make some bold predictions:

- in a month or two this will become the spectator thread for posting the ongoing collapse of texas

- they will somehow end up selling most of their vaccines to take advantage of temporarily inflated market prices

- having vaccinated only 10% of texans by the height of hurricane season, the thread will be renamed to reflect the hilarity of the first of what become yearly hypercanes making landfall

- the torrential rains cause lots of plant growth, but this is short lived as the last heat waves of summer kill most vegetation and create conditions for massive wildfires. the thread is renamed again

- winter 2021: texas freezes again

etc

Texas is at 13.4% vaccinated right now.

# ? Mar 3, 2021 00:53

poll plane variant: Jan 12, 2021; by sebmojo

we've never seen what happens with unmitigated variant spread but we're gonna lmao

# ? Mar 3, 2021 00:57

Milo and POTUS: Sep 3, 2017; I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?

UnfortunateSexFart posted:

Texas is getting more cases per day than my country has had since the start of the pandemic.

the maldives?

# ? Mar 3, 2021 01:01

Milo and POTUS: Sep 3, 2017; I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?

low key sex master posted:

Nah they'll just spawn a hydra den and do a rush that way while they spawn another drone for the transformation into a pool

cant spawn hydra den without pool the dinguses

# ? Mar 3, 2021 01:15

MrQwerty: Apr 15, 2003; Staunch and proud ally of Big Pharma! We stand with you!

Can't wait for Texans to come to New Mexico to ESCAPE THE RONA, flaunt all the rules and beeline a massive infection rate from El Paso to Albuquerque then cause another shutdown, just like the 2nd one.

# ? Mar 3, 2021 01:18

French Canadian: Feb 23, 2004; Fluffy cat sensory experience

Griddy more like Shiddy

# ? Mar 3, 2021 01:21

Doctor J Off: Dec 28, 2005; There Is

Texas more like Tex-rear end

# ? Mar 3, 2021 01:24

a mysterious cloak: Apr 5, 2003; Leave me alone, dad, I'm with my friends!

Corona has not killed enough dumb people, therefore this is a good thing.

loving :hmbol:

at Texas, what a piece of poo poo state

# ? Mar 3, 2021 01:30

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

One time there was a goon from Texas who saw poop on the roof, then immediately went for a gun, then got locked out of the house, and systematically destroyed every single door in the house because of the poop on the roof. And all of GBS rightfully dunked together.

I am dead loving serious

topher2915 posted:

Last night about nine p.m. I was sitting on my back porch having a beer and a cigarette. I stepped inside to talk to my wife, grabbed a beer and headed back outside. I immediately noticed a puddle that had formed on my deck while I was inside. I thought it was odd, and mentioned it to my wife. She came out, looked at it and determined it (by smell) to be piss. I grabbed a flashlight and hopped on a chair to see what the deal was, as we could see that it was dripping from the roof.

It was a big pile of poo poo. (picture taken this morning for lighting purposes)

Figuring it to be either a big animal or a human, I went back inside to get a gun and my wife went to our neighbors house, as they were in their garage, to see if they heard or saw anything. We all met in the back yard, and wandered around looking for signs of trespass. Then, my wife went to go inside to check on our baby, asleep at that time. She found the door to have been locked behind us, and it only locks from the inside. We were all outside. The baby was inside with whoever locked the door.

With gun in hand, I immediately hauled rear end around to the front of the house while my wife followed, screaming at the neighbors to call 911. I burst through the front door and ran to the back of the house and into the baby's room. She was fast asleep in the crib, so I started running around kicking doors open, checking closets, turning lights on. Nothing and no one. We got the baby and went outside to wait on the cops.

They got there about twenty minutes later, we explained the situation, all looked at the poop, and went around the house. At the point where our fence ties into the house, the shingles were smashed down, as if someone was standing on the fence and dragging themselves up. no other evidence was found, besides the obvious leavings.

Possibly a kid playing a prank, but that is a dangerous game to play when in Texas and putting my wife and child in danger, whether real or imagined.

Honestly I don't even know if there was actually anyone inside at any point. It has never happened, but I suppose in the excitement the door could have locked itself, though I have no clue how.

We don't normally lock any doors unless we are going out of town, but I guess we will have to start that now, and it sucks. Sucks to feel violated.

Assuming no one was inside, does anyone know of an animal that can take a human size poo poo, then piss on the poo poo, and do it all on a roof? That would help alleviate our anxiety.

TLDR: poo poo on a shingle

# ? Mar 3, 2021 01:40

BIG FLUFFY DOG: Feb 16, 2011; On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog.

Ron DeSantis came in second in the CPAC poll where Trump wasn't an option with other no-Mandater Noem in second so Abbott's doing this because he somehow thinks he can still be president and if he has to kill a couple thousand texans more so be it.

# ? Mar 3, 2021 01:41

The X-man cometh: Nov 1, 2009

This should finally stop obnoxious Californians from moving to Austin.

# ? Mar 3, 2021 01:45

Meme Poker Party: Sep 1, 2006; by Azathoth

EorayMel posted:

One time there was a goon from Texas who saw poop on the roof, then immediately went for a gun, then got locked out of the house, and systematically destroyed every single door in the house because of the poop on the roof. And all of GBS rightfully dunked together.

I am dead loving serious

lol what a dumbass

# ? Mar 3, 2021 02:16

Seth Pecksniff: May 27, 2004; can't believe shrek is fucking dead. rip to a real one.

# ? Mar 3, 2021 02:17

Milo and POTUS: Sep 3, 2017; I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?

The X-man cometh posted:

This should finally stop obnoxious Californians from moving to Austin.

It sounds like it'll attract the obnoxious californians buddy

# ? Mar 3, 2021 02:17

Colonel Cancer: Sep 26, 2015; Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

Have they tried shooting at covid

# ? Mar 3, 2021 02:17

flubber nuts: Oct 5, 2005

Colonel Cancer posted:

Have they tried shooting at covid

the forbidden vaccine

# ? Mar 3, 2021 02:22

Who What Now: Sep 10, 2006; by Azathoth

The best thing to come out of Texas is a low-tier steakhouse

# ? Mar 3, 2021 02:25

Shinjobi: Jul 10, 2008; Gravy Boat 2k

EorayMel posted:

One time there was a goon from Texas who saw poop on the roof, then immediately went for a gun, then got locked out of the house, and systematically destroyed every single door in the house because of the poop on the roof. And all of GBS rightfully dunked together.

I am dead loving serious

Thank you for this

# ? Mar 3, 2021 02:37

Milo and POTUS: Sep 3, 2017; I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?

Who What Now posted:

The best thing to come out of Texas is a low-tier steakhouse

It had the good sense to get out of texas

# ? Mar 3, 2021 02:43

Seth Pecksniff: May 27, 2004; can't believe shrek is fucking dead. rip to a real one.

EorayMel posted:

One time there was a goon from Texas who saw poop on the roof, then immediately went for a gun, then got locked out of the house, and systematically destroyed every single door in the house because of the poop on the roof. And all of GBS rightfully dunked together.

I am dead loving serious

Honestly that quote about goons being so beyond the pale that if you explained this to anyone outside the forums they'd think you were making poo poo up continues to be one of the most prescient posts that ever was written about this place

# ? Mar 3, 2021 02:53

Red Alert 2 Yuris Revenge: May 8, 2006; "My brain is amazing! It's full of wrinkles, and... Uh... Wait... What am I trying to say?"

Who What Now posted:

The best thing to come out of Texas is a low-tier steakhouse

texas roadhouse is from indiana

# ? Mar 3, 2021 03:46

YeahTubaMike: Mar 24, 2005; *hic* Gotta finish thish . . .; Doctor Rope

I feel really bad for all the normal people just trying to live normal lives in Texas. They deserve better than this.

# ? Mar 3, 2021 03:54

coronatae: Oct 14, 2012

DFW airport chat: Terminal E is proof of the absence of a loving god but Terminal D is super nice since that's the international terminal. If you have a lot of time to gently caress around before your flight it is worth using the skylink to go see the nice spots and maybe get hammered

DFW covid chat: we are all gonna loving die

The X-man cometh posted:

This should finally stop obnoxious Californians from moving to Austin.

# ? Mar 3, 2021 04:22

Zugzwang: Jan 2, 2005; You have a kind of sick desperation in your laugh.; Ramrod XTreme

My brother-in-law and his family are voluntarily moving to Texas from a sane blue state, lmao

# ? Mar 3, 2021 04:35

SweetMercifulCrap!: Jan 28, 2012; Lipstick Apathy

The top three states for total number of COVID cases are:

1. California
2. Texas
3. Florida

The top three most populated states are:

1. California
2. Texas
3. Florida

The per 100k data is what you should be looking at, which gives all three "average' results.

# ? Mar 3, 2021 04:40

Who What Now: Sep 10, 2006; by Azathoth

Relax Or DIE posted:

texas roadhouse is from indiana

LMAO

# ? Mar 3, 2021 04:50

Inept: Jul 8, 2003

SweetMercifulCrap! posted:

The per 100k data is what you should be looking at, which gives all three "average' results.

well goddamn no wonder they don't need masks in texas any more

# ? Mar 3, 2021 05:17

SweetMercifulCrap!: Jan 28, 2012; Lipstick Apathy

Inept posted:

well goddamn no wonder they don't need masks in texas any more

Oh, no, I don't expect it to stay average. Thank goodness I live in.... *checks notes*.... Florida!

# ? Mar 3, 2021 06:01

AHH F/UGH: May 25, 2002

lol My friend told me tonight he's considering moving there

I was like "oh cool" but inside I thought "why the gently caress would anyone actually move TO texas lmao"

# ? Mar 3, 2021 06:06

Idiot Kicker: Jun 13, 2007

If the northwest whistles and slowly backs away how far do you think we can get from the rest of America before we're caught

# ? Mar 3, 2021 06:07

Cubone: May 26, 2011; Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.

YeahTubaMike posted:

I feel really bad for all the normal people just trying to live normal lives in Texas. They deserve better than this.

yeah

# ? Mar 3, 2021 06:16

coronatae: Oct 14, 2012

I walked out of my office and yelled "Boss, our clinical trial is gonna have so many patients!"

# ? Mar 3, 2021 07:31

fizzymercury: Aug 18, 2011

AHH F/UGH posted:

lol My friend told me tonight he's considering moving there

I was like "oh cool" but inside I thought "why the gently caress would anyone actually move TO texas lmao"

Your friend is batnuts and you should ask him if he's okay. I don't think he's okay.

I've only ever lived in Florida and Texas but now I get to move to Michigan so at least this is a good excuse to move faster. You know, outside of my ruined house and no job prospects.

I loved my garbage state until like two years ago. Now I still love parts of it but the people in my area are completely loving insane and it's scary. 2% of my hometown voted for Biden. That's 67 people. Nothing in this town is worth it. Not even the nice VW hall.

This is sad. I'm so sad.

# ? Mar 3, 2021 07:50

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

MrQwerty posted:

Can't wait for Texans to come to New Mexico to ESCAPE THE RONA, flaunt all the rules and beeline a massive infection rate from El Paso to Albuquerque then cause another shutdown, just like the 2nd one.

https://twitter.com/patriottakes/status/1366985256369291266

# ? Mar 3, 2021 07:53

Galewolf: Jan 9, 2007; The human gallbladder is indeed a puzzle!

Hey guys, uh, I'm not an expert or anything but this doesn't sound like a good idea.

Wasn't all Joe Rogan listening dumbasses saying things like "If you move to Texas from CA, don't bring your commie votes :smuggo: