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The Voice of Labor
Apr 8, 2020

too shorter: 3 inch tall homunculus that rode around in too short's front pocket. "50 swears and 50 bitches a 50's olds and hella riches. my kinky pube, a sprig of yew short dog knows what he's about to do. gonna touch two girls where they pee and from my pube will sprout a 3 inch me" was the invocation that brought too shorter to life. many of the "singing worm" synth leads on are actually too shorter rapping. If you shift the pitch down, you can make out what he's rapping about (mostly being a 3'' tall homunculus). He is credited for programming/engineering on many too short albums as ant banks

a.c. hammer: m.c. hammer's first sidekick. the initials stand for albert craig. he quit being m.c. hammer's sidekick because the stress of being call apprentice of ceremonies was too much for him. his final words to m.c. hammer, "I am albert craig, I am a boy not a title" cryptically appeared in the liner notes to the funky headhunter. though it has never been proven, it is suspected that a.c. hammer went on to become bay area underground rapper night hammer

m.c. hammer's second sidekick, p.c. hammer, was shot to death by hammer's nemesis marmeister

snoop's dog: snoop's beloved bergamasco, after constant second hand exposure to the dankest of the dank, developed an understanding of the english language and it's succulences and derivations. it also developed the ability to bark short phrases, like scooby doo. thus proving mckenna's stoned ape hypothesis and birthing what should have been a promising canine musical career. while working on demo tracks, snoop's dog passed by a burning house on its way to the liquor store. snoop's dog dragged 3 of the building's unconscious residents to safety before being shot to death by the lapd for acting aggressively and being black


The Walrus
Jul 9, 2002

Jeru tha Cleaner Upper: pretty self explanatory, has a broom or bandages so he can work with both types of destruction

Andre 2999: Andre thought that 'big boi' implied that Andre was small and short, so he made this other guy literally change his name legally to be one number less than his out of spite, really crazy stuff, like what does one even have to do with the other, it's extremely tenuous.

Peasant Paul: Prince's literal twin brother that was separated from him at birth and lived in a thatch hut rather than the palace, it's quite a tale!

Oct 5, 2005

floor rider, flo ridas personal shoeshiner. can be found riding in flo ridas chrome bugatti veyron in a special compartment next to the gas pedal. if you have ever wondered how flo ridas boots always seem impossibly shiny its all thanks to floor rider.

in 2012 flo rida was playing live at seaworld in orlando florida when floor rider jumped onto the stage and gave tramar lacel dillard the most incredible shoeshine he had ever experienced. flo rida cried and everyone clapped. they have been inseparable ever since.

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