Rad Suburban Dad Megathread: Close that door, I aint paying to heat the neighborhood

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Rad Suburban Dad Megathread: Close that door, I aint paying to heat the neighborhood

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(Thread IKs: BAGS FLY AT NOON)

Are you a rad suburban dad
	No im a city slicker
	yes i am a rad suburban dad
	goku
	Derpies Tuglord

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

Hello I am Derpies, suburban dad, and I figured we needed a safe posting space for fellow suburban dads to talk about suburban dad things.

Rules:

Post about being a rad dad, who lives in the suburbs

No girls/wives allowed (except certified soccer moms)

Must never break the demeanor of being a suburban dad.

To start us off, what socks do you guys wear with your sandals? I prefer whatever is on sale at Costco.

CURRENT ALLIES: City Dads

ENEMIES: Rural Dads (We call them Quaids)

PLOT TWIST: All verified Suburban Dads will be listed below with their BBQ setups.

Play posted:

And put MY precious barbecue equipment on the internet for local thieves to case?? I think NOT

Derpies posted:

Here is my suburban dad rig will update op in a bit too with it

DarkSoulsTantrum posted:

Rig postin�

Bonus fire pit we put in last summer

A few bricks shy massive suburban dad haul

AFewBricksShy posted:

I am the suburban daddest of dads.

Grill Set up:

Basses:
Black one was my first, Ibanez five string a couple of years later (20 years ago fuuuuck)
Built the Gibson ripoff with a warmoth neck a couple of years ago, it's pretty much a fancy p-bass.

Fire pit.

Guinness Stew from last week

Dad slippers and pj pants.

Bonus: overly complicated deep frying rig for my turkey at christmas this year.

Derpies fucked around with this message at 22:34 on Apr 27, 2021

# ¿ Mar 6, 2021 22:56

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# ¿ Apr 24, 2024 12:58

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

dee eight posted:

i'm a rad dad and a rad grand dad try to keep up

Tell us a long rambling story to prove this

# ¿ Mar 6, 2021 22:59

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

Pimpcasso posted:

Im a rural dad with all the cool tools and half finished projects

this is not the thread for you then sir but i appreciate your big dad energy

# ¿ Mar 6, 2021 23:03

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

Lobotomy Bob posted:

I'm talking to you over the fence about my latest batch of homebrew beer.

as a suburban dad i also have a nice home brewing kit i have used one time

# ¿ Mar 6, 2021 23:17

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

I'd like to take a vote of suburban dad's in creating a rule where whenever we say "my wife" we say it like Borat

# ¿ Mar 7, 2021 00:34

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

Lil Peeler posted:

I live in the suburbs, but I'm only a dog dad. But I'm a pretty rad dog dad and I hope that doesn't make anyone mad

You will be assigned the first divorced soccer mom that wanders into this thread so you can be a suburban dad tok

# ¿ Mar 7, 2021 00:40

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

bossy lady posted:

I was promised bass guitars.

# ¿ Mar 7, 2021 02:02

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

I have a sudden fear that my lawn might be a millimeter above code

# ¿ Mar 7, 2021 07:33

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

Full Metal Jackass posted:

Planted some shrubs today and carefully selected fertilizer with 13-7-7 formula. Then grilled some chicken drumsticks and drank beer. Watched the UFC fight. Dad life.

i always watched the punch persons fights and as usual they dissapoint

# ¿ Mar 7, 2021 08:34

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

Oh no I'm late for the planning and zoning subcommittee meeting for my municipality, someone has to keep those crooks honest !

# ¿ Mar 7, 2021 20:49

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

MattO posted:

gently caress the HOA that flag's not coming down

*Has a seething hatred for your non compliant flag and you're now my suburban dad enemy*

# ¿ Mar 7, 2021 20:52

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

bossy lady posted:

What is the dadliest guitar / bass guitar? Serious answers only please.

I have an American Standard Fender Jazz base that was one of the last years they made them in the USA so I am gonna go with mine as our resident Suburban Dad.

# ¿ Mar 8, 2021 02:01

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

Wife was gone so the child got dino nuggets and broccoli for dinner

# ¿ Mar 8, 2021 02:38

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

DarkSoulsTantrum posted:

*finishes sixer and walks back to store to get another*

*repeats*

# ¿ Mar 8, 2021 06:04

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

I refuse to buy any home improvement products or materials that the state of California doesn't claim causes cancer

# ¿ Mar 8, 2021 23:41

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

DarkSoulsTantrum posted:

There are always a minimum of 5 open bags of grass seed in my garage.

*goes to Lowe�s to get more grass seed*

pick me up some charcoal while youre there

# ¿ Mar 9, 2021 00:29

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

I'm thinking ARBYS

# ¿ Mar 9, 2021 00:55

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

Walking around in my dad slippers in my suburban home

# ¿ Mar 9, 2021 01:42

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

DarkSoulsTantrum posted:

They got the rubber soles in case you need to take the trash out?

hell yeah safety first

# ¿ Mar 9, 2021 02:43

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

mom and dad fight a lot posted:

Hello I am divorced suburban Dad.

I see my kid every second weekend and have a Harley-Davidson that I never ride but am constantly "working on".

username checks out

# ¿ Mar 9, 2021 06:41

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

It's 7 am on a Saturday and everyone's so drat loud. Time for my weekly call to code enforcement, local ordinances clearly say no loud decibel activity until 7:30.

# ¿ Mar 9, 2021 17:13

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

bossy lady posted:

Am I an honorary dad? I have seven bass guitars, but I live in a city.

You're close but you are still a filthy city slicker. Once you start whining about property taxes though you can get an internship.

Gorgar posted:

If you count, so do I. Seven is the correct number of basses to own. Looking at moving to the suburbs this year.

I refuse to refer to the cats as kids or furkids or whatever, though.

We can get you into an associates program but you can't be one of us til you post a picture of your yard and BBQ in the suburbs

# ¿ Mar 9, 2021 21:28

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

In fact all Suburban Dads are required to post their BBQ set up and I will update the OP with verfied Sub Dads.

# ¿ Mar 9, 2021 21:28

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

Play posted:

And put MY precious barbecue equipment on the internet for local thieves to case?? I think NOT

This response has very B.S.D.E

# ¿ Mar 9, 2021 21:35

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

Gorgar posted:

Any leeway for also having a few Strats, a 335, and a couple silverface Fender amps? Flying Vs counted, but mine aren't white.

We can maybe pass on a few credits to your suburban dad training courses and you won't have to take "Dad Rock 101" if you can show me how many captain beefheart albums you own in vinyl.

# ¿ Mar 9, 2021 21:52

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

Gentle Autist posted:

i�m a cool dad who is really into coffee, snowboarding, mountain biking, and electronic music

i have girls with old lady names like maggie or enid

i travel a lot for my marketing/sales/mgmt job and have status with the airlines

i regularly go on boys weekends to expensive hotels/restaurants and get boozed up and play golf or ski or whatever and almost cheat on my wife

This is the enemy of all SA suburban dads, and I bet he owns an extremely expensive electronic "smoker" as well.

# ¿ Mar 9, 2021 22:06

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

DarkSoulsTantrum posted:

Yeah I think we can waive the photo requirement just this once.

I�ll post my setup tomorrow, supposed to be almost 60 degrees, good grillin weather.

Cant wait to see that grill

# ¿ Mar 10, 2021 00:37

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

Bonzo posted:

Just ordered new cargo shorts off Amazon. Won't do yard work without them.

Did you get the reinforced knees and crotch segments? Gotta be ready at all times for extreme suburban dad poo poo.

# ¿ Mar 10, 2021 00:43

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

Weka posted:

The solution is simple pal, I own two pairs, one with holes for casual wear and a black holeless pair for formal wear.

Derpies I feel like your poll has no options for an anti-anime rural dweller like myself, and before you suggest the last option I could tug you off with both hands tied behind my back.

Look if you're not within ten miles of a Panera bread I just don't even know what you people enjoy or do. I'll watch some Netflix documentaries and try and do better next time.

# ¿ Mar 10, 2021 07:23

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

Full Metal Jackass posted:

Just checking the oil in the wife's car, whistling the peppa pig themesong.

Can we take a moment to pour out one of our homebrews we swear we are gonna make this week to the ultimate suburban dad, Daddy Pig.

Our Hero, Our Savior, Our Charlemagne

# ¿ Mar 10, 2021 21:27

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

Full Metal Jackass posted:

This pig, without exaggeration, is me.

No sir, this man is not Daddy Pig

I am Daddy Pig.

# ¿ Mar 10, 2021 23:21

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

Here is my suburban dad rig will update op in a bit too with it

# ¿ Mar 10, 2021 23:26

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

Full Metal Jackass posted:

I don't cover the grill or smoker. Years of rain and sun gives em charm.

The wife covers it, got me the grill as a father's day present and doesn't understand a rusted petina makes everything taste better

# ¿ Mar 11, 2021 02:03

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

Play posted:

that grill cover could use a wash, too. not that I'm trying to tell a man his craft, you understand

-yelled at the top of my lungs over the adjoining fence unprompted

Last time I cleaned the smoker out I had to use engine degreaser. Took me half a day and I wasn't that much cleaner in the end tbh, and now all my food tastes vaguely like a 1967 Camero

# ¿ Mar 11, 2021 02:04

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

Bulgaroctonus posted:

So, I’m a trailer park dad but I have a bass guitar:

And this thing:

So I can like, play bass with my feet while playing bass guitar at the same time. Do I qualify? Also I drink a poo poo ton of Lone Star and grill on a charcoal pit that my grandparents received as a wedding gift in 1950.

Trailer parks can be located within suburbs.

My only question is are you within ten miles of a chipotle/panera/etc.

# ¿ Mar 11, 2021 02:27

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

Hmm good weather this weekend gonna spend five hours detailing my mid model subaru outback.

# ¿ Mar 11, 2021 02:39

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

poisonpill posted:

Nice fire pit, good dog, solid tiles. But let�s get that white fence up to suburban dad standards, bub

I am sure the fence is on the dad list of projects so no harm no foul!

# ¿ Mar 11, 2021 18:16

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

Play posted:

Society already judges our suburban dads so harshly, so I won't say a thing more about it

We really should organize and become a protected class

# ¿ Mar 11, 2021 19:59

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

DarkSoulsTantrum posted:

Nobody ever thinks of us white middle aged men

You could say we are a large portion of the population that is remaining silent.

Excuse me while I rev my boatley davidson boat motor bike combo hooked to my RV covered in flags.

# ¿ Mar 11, 2021 20:35

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# ¿ Apr 24, 2024 12:58

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

dee eight posted:

gentlemen, please accept my resignation from your club. i do not care to associate with anybody.

Congrats you are now the Social Secratary

# ¿ Mar 11, 2021 21:52

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Rad Suburban Dad Megathread: Close that door, I aint paying to heat the neighborhood

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