Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Post
  • Reply
Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

pro hobo

Silent Majority
THE DON







post random anecdotes from your life. they can be funny or just something you find interesting, but preferably brief. unless you think it is really, really good
---------------------

when i was visiting Ireland in my teenage years we took a day trip to the Aran Islands and hiked up to a stone fort on a cliff above the sea. as we were looking around and taking photos i saw a girl who looked about my age sitting near the cliff. the wind was blowing her long hair in such a beautiful fashion that i (rudely) took a photo of her. she happened to turn and saw me doing this, but said nothing and didn't move. i think she might have been a faerie

when i was in college some of my friends and i broke into the cafeteria liquor cabinet and raided it. we got really drunk, then snuck into the library through an unlocked window, went to the computer lab, printed out a bunch of nasty porn, and left it strewn around the stacks or inside books. i guess we thought this was edgy or something (it was a christian school)

a few years later in a different city i was living in a house with some friends and we had a party for halloween. i dressed as a glam rocker with a big black wig and got smashed on blue moon beer. early the next morning i woke up to find i had messily shat my bed. i drunkenly snuck down to the basement (no one else was awake) and hurled my clothes and bed linens into the wash on the longest cycle, then snuck back up to the bathroom to shower. i just bent over in the shower with my rear end pointed at the water stream and stayed like that for a few minutes. i had neglected to remove my wig, or shut the bathroom door, so when one of my house mates walked in, we just made eye contact, then he turned around and left.

gently caress you op, im gay and goku



Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Malcolm Excellent
May 20, 2007





Buglord

This is probably about 15 years ago now but I still think about it and laugh about it. I was at a red light with a no turn on red. The woman behind me kept honking her horn at me ( not little toots, full HONK HONKs) so I extend my arm up and flip her the bird. She beeps even more, and as the light turns green I turn into the far lane and she pulls next to me screaming so I just maintain speed and flip her off again.

She screams even more, but doesn't slow down or speed up. About 100 feet ahead the lanes merge so she can either speed up, slow down, or hit me. She decided to do option D and crashes up onto the curb.

It was very very funny and cool of her to do.

Icochet
Mar 18, 2008

I have a very small TV. Don't make fun of it! Please don't shame it like that~


Grimey Drawer

It was the dawn of the third age of mankind – ten years after the Earth-Minbari War.

The Babylon Project was a dream, given form. Its goal: to prevent another war, by creating a place where humans and aliens can work out their differences peacefully. It's a port of call – home away from home – for diplomats, hustlers, entrepreneurs, and wanderers.

Humans and aliens, wrapped in two million, five hundred thousand tons of spinning metal . . . all alone in the night.

It can be a dangerous place, but it's our last best hope for peace.

This is the story of the last of the Babylon stations. The year is 2258. The name of the place is Babylon 5.

Revins
Nov 2, 2007

the stars are strange and this isn't home


A pigeon pooped on me while I was in Venice. We were using a camping hostel situation on a nearby island so I wound up throwing that shirt away and buying a new one

Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Aug 1, 1981

MTV




Revins posted:

A pigeon pooped on me while I was in Venice. We were using a camping hostel situation on a nearby island so I wound up throwing that shirt away and buying a new one

Did you pull out a gun and shoot it?

Son of Rodney
Feb 22, 2006

ohmygodohmygodohmygod



One day I started randomly getting calls later at night (10, 11 pm) from some random guy I didn't know but who knew my name, who tried convincing me to come down to one of the main streets for street walkers in order to gently caress prostitutes with him. I am very much not a guy who does this, but he kept talking about me coming by, his treat, to double team some women I heard hollering in the background. He was completely unknown to me, so it was extremely bizzare. I assume it was a prank by my friends, though we have never been into pranks like this at all, and he kept denying it. After I told him no he tried again on a few random days later until I blocked his number, but I have zero idea what his deal was to this day. He knew my name, it was close by to where I lived, just weird as hell. The only reasonable explanation I have is that maybe I gave my number away drunkenly one night to a random person I met, but I never do that and don't really want to interact with randos at the best of time, so who the gently caress knows.

Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Aug 1, 1981

MTV




Son of Rodney posted:

One day I started randomly getting calls later at night (10, 11 pm) from some random guy I didn't know but who knew my name, who tried convincing me to come down to one of the main streets for street walkers in order to gently caress prostitutes with him. I am very much not a guy who does this, but he kept talking about me coming by, his treat, to double team some women I heard hollering in the background. He was completely unknown to me, so it was extremely bizzare. I assume it was a prank by my friends, though we have never been into pranks like this at all, and he kept denying it. After I told him no he tried again on a few random days later until I blocked his number, but I have zero idea what his deal was to this day. He knew my name, it was close by to where I lived, just weird as hell. The only reasonable explanation I have is that maybe I gave my number away drunkenly one night to a random person I met, but I never do that and don't really want to interact with randos at the best of time, so who the gently caress knows.

That was me mb

strange feelings re Daisy
Aug 2, 2000




My girlfriend broke up with me through a text message so I ugly cried and got blackout drunk at an airport bar called "Bahama Joe's" or some poo poo. My co-pilot and passengers were super pissed off.

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013




One little factoid about me: im gay

down1nit
Jan 9, 2004

outlive your enemies

Wife finally has a day out of the shop so we're going to visit a small winery I haven't been to since the fires tore through Sonoma. The owners are almost always in the tasting room. They just love putting on a big show when there's a lot of folks in the tasting room, laughing loudly, making jokes and such. They gave us wine glasses and a free bottle of old vine zin on a lark one trip. Just lovely folks and a good product.

We've had many visits there, and even though they're mostly a mail order business during lockdown, we're going to stop by to say hi. That's all. Just excited to go again.

Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Aug 1, 1981

MTV




Big Beef City posted:

One little factoid about me: im gay

I heard it on the NPR

Captain Kosmos
Mar 28, 2010


Years ago, when I was backpacking across Western Europe, I was just outside of Barcelona, hiking in the foothills of mount Tibidabo.

I was at the end of this path, and I came to a clearing, and there was a lake, very secluded, and there were tall trees all around.

It was dead silent. Gorgeous. And across the lake I saw a beautiful woman bathing herself. But she was crying and I was like yikes I don't want to deal with that and left without her noticing.
Later at hostel got my leg stuck in toilet.

Das Boo
Jun 9, 2011

There was a GHOST here. It's gone now.




When I was 7, I went on a family vacation to Florida. We met my dad's work friend, Jeffrey, down there and he took us out on his boat for a day trip on Lake Monroe. Florida in the summer is sweltering, so we asked him if there were any alligators in the lake. "Nope." We jump in and get towed behind the boat via rope for a bit. Suddenly, we're told to get back in the boat. No one would tell me why.

First the engine died. We put up the sail. The wind died. Jeffrey was deep into the 4 six-packs he'd brought and drunkenly tried calling ship-to-shore. "Hello! Hello! we need a tow on Lake Monroe! Haha, that rhymes!" So I guess they thought we were just a bunch of drunk assholes, because help never comes.

Night falls, we're still on this lake. There are billions of green bugs bombarding the boat and Jeffrey is now vomiting over the side. My mom looks out the porthole and sees something in the water. Alligators. Jeffrey is chumming the water. We're out there all night with alligators circling the boat because Jeffrey is too drunk to do anything else.

Morning comes and the wind picks up, and we finally make it to shore. My dad and Jeffrey have to hitch a ride with prostitutes to get back to our car. After the whole ordeal, we meet with a family friend who works at Universal Studios. He informs us they used to shoot scenes of Tarzan on Lake Monroe because there are so many giant alligators in it.

The epilogue is that Jeffrey turned out to be a sociopath. He had a real bad record before we met him (I remember kidnapping and rape being on there), but he was so friendly, charming and fun, we never had an inkling. I used to play with his daughters. Around 2000, he murdered his wife. He was released from prison just last year.

tl;dr: Got stuck on a boat and almost eaten by alligators alongside a career criminal who later murdered his wife.

shut up blegum
Dec 17, 2008


--->Plastic Lawn<---

Captain Kosmos posted:

Years ago, when I was backpacking across Western Europe, I was just outside of Barcelona, hiking in the foothills of mount Tibidabo.

I was at the end of this path, and I came to a clearing, and there was a lake, very secluded, and there were tall trees all around.

It was dead silent. Gorgeous. And across the lake I saw a beautiful woman bathing herself. But she was crying and I was like yikes I don't want to deal with that and left without her noticing.
Later at hostel got my leg stuck in toilet.

Agreed, wouldn't want to talk to a beautiful woman in a gorgeous lake in Barcelona either.









Also, why was your leg in the toilet?

Gentle Autist
Jun 4, 2003



Big Beef City posted:

One little factoid about me: im gay

lucky

Antivehicular
Dec 30, 2011

I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving
And something has got to give


Zippy the Bummer posted:

when i was in college some of my friends and i broke into the cafeteria liquor cabinet and raided it. we got really drunk, then snuck into the library through an unlocked window, went to the computer lab, printed out a bunch of nasty porn, and left it strewn around the stacks or inside books. i guess we thought this was edgy or something (it was a christian school)

Why did a Christian college cafeteria have a liquor cabinet? Did you get blasted on cooking sherry?

Funky See Funky Do
Aug 20, 2013
STILL TRYING HARD

I invented the two and a half seat couch.

Kaewan
May 29, 2008


I would have severe motion sickness as a young child to the point where on a long car ride for instance me vomiting was inevitable. Once during a bus ride between cities I puked on the floor and it sloshed around everywhere. I do clearly remember the screams of horror as bus turned or came to a stop. I’m sure given it was a very warm part of the world there were plenty of open toed shoes and what not.

Sjs00
Jun 29, 2013

Yeah Baby Yeah !

whats with all the puke anecdotes? my friend had his birthday in Jan I had two Irish carbombs and I threw up later

Mooey Cow
Jan 27, 2018



Pillbug

OP post the pics of the fairy I'm a faeologist.

GenericOverusedName
Nov 24, 2009

KUVA TEAM EPIC


Back in college I would walk to all my classes because that shits reliable unlike the buses.

Until summer rolls around and the severe weather pops up. It was probably tornado watch level, I dunno because I was trying to survive being outside in it instead of checking the forecast like some smart person. I had an umbrella and the storm demons decided to take offense at that and they yanked it out of my hands and I never saw it again.

Lieutenant Dan
Oct 27, 2009

Weedlord Bonerhitler


One time in college I was having a cigarette in the designated smoking zone and this middle-aged white lady I had never seen before came running up to me, waving her arms around, yelling "YOU DON'T BELONG HERE" repeatedly as a group of children slowly approached in the background.

I looked at the Designated Smoking Zone sign, shrugged, and left, because I'm a nonconfrontational doormat.

Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

pro hobo

Silent Majority
THE DON







Antivehicular posted:

Why did a Christian college cafeteria have a liquor cabinet? Did you get blasted on cooking sherry?

it was cheap wine and whiskey. don't know what else to say. christians drink booze

edit: oh i should add we were under age



Rupert Buttermilk
Apr 15, 2007

RowboatMan: Freezing time is an old P.I. trick...


I've posted this around the forums a few times, last time being in Sept in the Switch thread, so I figure this is as good a place as any to repost.

-----

Oh! I wanna take a second to tell you all about the time I sort of met Charles Martinet (the voice of Mario), back in 2009 or 2010, can't remember.

I was working for a web hosting company called Hostopia. We handled a bunch of companies who had the same or similar backend. So, when we'd get a call, it'd show up on our phone who we were supposed to be speaking on behalf of.

I get a call, it pops up "X7 Hosting". I greet the caller, and the guy gives me his info and wants to know about billing, plus he wants his FTP info.

I see the name "Charles Martinet" pop up on screen, and I immedialty know who that is. My team lead is a fellow nerd, and he's working today, so I stand up, snap my fingers at him, and wave him over. He's totally confused, kind of put off (for anything else, it would've been rude) but comes over. I'm telling Mr Martinet that I'll have to put him on hold for a minute while I get the info he wants (I already have it in front of me, I just wanted to show my TL who I was talking to).

So I put him on hold, and turn to my TL, Terry.

Me: "Terry!! Look who it is!!"
Terry: "Holy poo poo! What does he want?"
Me: "FTP info and then I have to transfer him to billing."
Terry: "Is it really him?"
Me: *clicking on the button that pulls up a given client's website*

It was very much THE Charles Martinet. His website was admittedly horribly laid out, and I think the background was purple, but whatever. It was him.

Me: "Terry, stay right here, I'm gonna say something..."

So, I take Charles Martinet off hold.

Me: "Alright, Mr Martinet, sorry for the hold. I have your FTP info here, it's (username / password), and though I'm not trained in billing, I can certainly transfer you to that dept.

Charles Martinet: "Sure, that'd be great, thanks."

Me: "Before I let you go, sir, I just wanted to say that I really appreciate your work, I love it, and I hope that you continue to bring so much happiness to people for many, many years" (I mentally practiced that before I said it, I didn't want to fumble it)

CM: "Oh, how sweet of you to say!..."

and without missing a beat, he then shouts, in his best Mario voice....

"T'ank you veddy much!!"

I laugh, Terry could hear it from my headset, he laughs out loud, and I tell Charles that he just made my day, I thank him and then transfer him to billing.

Charles Martinet is incredible.

Sjs00
Jun 29, 2013

Yeah Baby Yeah !

I keep thinking about some drun k rear end in a top hat chumming up the water with his puke

Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

pro hobo

Silent Majority
THE DON







Mooey Cow posted:

OP post the pics of the fairy I'm a faeologist.

the photos were not on a digital camera BUT i will try to upload them....no promises though

Funky See Funky Do
Aug 20, 2013
STILL TRYING HARD

I was the drunk driver that killed Charles Martinet 13 years ago.

Fluffy Bunnies
Jan 9, 2009

FUCK





I'm currently working for a guy whose ear I screamed into when I was 11 or so. Dude remembered. It's pretty cool.

Take the plunge! Okay!
Feb 24, 2007




My roommate in college shat out a turd so large it wouldn’t flush no matter how much he tried so he used our landlord’s grilling set (you know, the fork and the spatula thingy with long handles) to break it into pieces

Who What Now
Sep 10, 2006

In the cheery brightness of the 41st millennium there is only CHRISTMAS SPIRIT!


I'm gay

Internetjack
Sep 15, 2007

oh god how did this get here i am not good with computers


Top Cop

In high school we would eat lunch outside in a big open air courtyard. There were seagulls that would hang out scavenging for food; and of course occasionally poo poo on someone. If you were lucky, you maybe only got shat on once in your 4 years. This one guy though was probably shat on a good 40 times. It was statistically amazing. 800 students, teachers, etc, and this one guy gets hit all the time.

One day he gets shat on and just flips out and charges at a group of seagulls on the ground across the courtyard. They take flight, but he actually grabs one by the leg or tail feathers as its taking off. No idea what his plan was; I think he was just enraged. So now he is holding onto a seagull, and its flapping around above his head freaking out and of course it shits all over him, a lot; like 10 shits in one second. He lets go and the bird flies away. Dude was covered in poo poo, just painted in it. It was hilariously gross and massively funny at the same time. The teachers let him go home for the rest of the day.

We speculated so much as to "why". Do you smell weird? No. Do you dress in colors that make you a target? No. Is it just one seagull in particular that has a grudge with you? No idea, they all look the same. We never had an answer. But he was the seagull shitter guy for his high school years.

Jeza
Feb 13, 2011

The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.


I was on a bus aged like 15 or so and this guy got on board the bus I was on. I can't really recall what he looked like or what he was wearing, but he stood about a foot away from me and pulled up a litre of full-fat milk in one of those cardboard cartons and started drinking it normally, but then sorta tilted his head further back and just started gulping and gulping and he just kept going and it overflowed out of his mouth and big rivulets of milk ran down his neck and started soaking his shirt. About halfway through he turned to look at me and just made this demonic eye contact with me as he downed the entire thing in some bacchanalian milk lust.

I swear nobody else on the bus even batted an eye or noticed him doing it, but in some ways I've never recovered from the incident.

Revins
Nov 2, 2007

the stars are strange and this isn't home


Mods please change my name to bacchanalian milk lust tia

laserghost
Feb 12, 2014

trust me, I'm a cat.


Some years ago, one day, on early morning, I was walking to my morning train to my lovely mall cop job, when suddenly a headache hit me so bad, I actually loving grabbed my head like I was physically hit. The pain was incredible, and located somewhere in right temple. Persisting, I went aboard the train. After 10 minutes, the pain was starting to become so unbearingly bad, I started asking other passengers if somebody has any painkillers. Nobody had, it was really early in the morning and we were outside the larger towns. So I got out on my station, and started slowly walking towards the mall where I was working, thinking how I am going to survive next 15 hours. The moment I approached the final road crossing to the mall, I poo poo you not, I heard a quiet "pop" in my head, and the pain just went away in a moment, surprisingly not ending with me having apoplexia and being paralyzed for rest of my life.

I never had a similar headache since, but I am afraid that someday it will come back, or what that "pop" actually was.

TheSpamalope
Dec 30, 2008

DUNK A DILL PICKLE REALDO

Lipstick Apathy

Frikken cat messed a bunch of crap up. I'm mad

DarkSoulsTantrum
Apr 6, 2011

this kills the crab

Sure, they're visually impressive, but a lot of posters find large avatars physically uncomfortable. Furthermore, the owners of large avatars often rely on their size alone and don't bother to develop more refined posting techniques.





laserghost posted:

Some years ago, one day, on early morning, I was walking to my morning train to my lovely mall cop job, when suddenly a headache hit me so bad, I actually loving grabbed my head like I was physically hit. The pain was incredible, and located somewhere in right temple. Persisting, I went aboard the train. After 10 minutes, the pain was starting to become so unbearingly bad, I started asking other passengers if somebody has any painkillers. Nobody had, it was really early in the morning and we were outside the larger towns. So I got out on my station, and started slowly walking towards the mall where I was working, thinking how I am going to survive next 15 hours. The moment I approached the final road crossing to the mall, I poo poo you not, I heard a quiet "pop" in my head, and the pain just went away in a moment, surprisingly not ending with me having apoplexia and being paralyzed for rest of my life.

I never had a similar headache since, but I am afraid that someday it will come back, or what that "pop" actually was.

Sorry you had an aneurysm and died that day.

PinheadSlim
Apr 2, 2015

FRIENDS for EVER

laserghost posted:

Some years ago, one day, on early morning, I was walking to my morning train to my lovely mall cop job, when suddenly a headache hit me so bad, I actually loving grabbed my head like I was physically hit. The pain was incredible, and located somewhere in right temple. Persisting, I went aboard the train. After 10 minutes, the pain was starting to become so unbearingly bad, I started asking other passengers if somebody has any painkillers. Nobody had, it was really early in the morning and we were outside the larger towns. So I got out on my station, and started slowly walking towards the mall where I was working, thinking how I am going to survive next 15 hours. The moment I approached the final road crossing to the mall, I poo poo you not, I heard a quiet "pop" in my head, and the pain just went away in a moment, surprisingly not ending with me having apoplexia and being paralyzed for rest of my life.

I never had a similar headache since, but I am afraid that someday it will come back, or what that "pop" actually was.

As someone who has a bunch of inner ear problems, this sounds like an inner ear thing. It was probably just some sort of pressure buildup due to excess fluid in the inner ear or something and when it finally corrected itself you were able to hear it and relief was instant.

I go through a very similar thing in airplanes, popping my ears does nothing and the change in pressure is always agonizing.

Frankenstyle
Dec 3, 2005



I took my dog out to poop and she pooped and I walked way down the hill to a dumpster to throw it out and when we got back up the hill she pooped again and I had to go all the way back to the dumpster.

ante
Apr 9, 2005

SUNSHINE AND RAINBOWS

When I was like, 11, there was the one class that I found really boring, and I realised that failing classes wasn't really a thing at that age, so I didn't do any of the homework all year. There was one group project though, and my part in that was to do the physical diorama, and I went hog wild, using a woodshop I have access to, I built a big box, and set up a (fake) river flowing through some sand, and carved some boats, and just did a great job because I love poo poo like that.



Teacher takes me aside and accuses me of getting my parents to make it for me.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Revins
Nov 2, 2007

the stars are strange and this isn't home


laserghost posted:

Some years ago, one day, on early morning, I was walking to my morning train to my lovely mall cop job, when suddenly a headache hit me so bad, I actually loving grabbed my head like I was physically hit. The pain was incredible, and located somewhere in right temple. Persisting, I went aboard the train. After 10 minutes, the pain was starting to become so unbearingly bad, I started asking other passengers if somebody has any painkillers. Nobody had, it was really early in the morning and we were outside the larger towns. So I got out on my station, and started slowly walking towards the mall where I was working, thinking how I am going to survive next 15 hours. The moment I approached the final road crossing to the mall, I poo poo you not, I heard a quiet "pop" in my head, and the pain just went away in a moment, surprisingly not ending with me having apoplexia and being paralyzed for rest of my life.

I never had a similar headache since, but I am afraid that someday it will come back, or what that "pop" actually was.

Brain worm working its way in obv

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • Post
  • Reply