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track day bro!
Feb 17, 2005

#essereFerrari


Grimey Drawer

Ok so after I managed to write an op adn then loving closed the tab because i'm somehow the dumbest motherfucker alive here is the second attempt at this so it's probably even worse.

Anyway it's literally the day before the official



As we start the first race at <circuit name> lets go over the teams and maybe realise that most of the teams are loving from the same fail island where they all eat congealed horse goop and eels. So the best thing to do is to start with the ones that come from much nicer countries where they learned to cook actual food.

So lets start with the best team in the sports history, the team that is the foundation of the sport and that we all love. There would be no Formula 1 if this team didn't exist, obviously I'm talking about Scuderia Mission Winnow Ferrari the team everyone on the grid aspires to be like.

Their pilots are
Charles Marc Hervé Perceval Leclerc

Carlos Sainz Vázquez de Castro


This year is definitely Ferraris year and after definitely watching all of pre-season testing and all the analasysi I can whole heartedly say that Scuderia Mission Winnow Ferrari are going to win both the drivers and construction titles this year.

Now the next team are also based out of Italy, but unfortunately they are now owned by the devious Austrians, Austria as we all know is the home of Hitler so this marks them down somewhat but I think we can maybe give Scuderia AlphaTauri Honda the benifit of the doubt. Also do you remember when they were called Minardi and were sponsored by local cofffee company Mokador? Do you remember that? Go on? You'd tell us if youd remember??????

Anyway the pilots lineup is
Pierre Gasly

角田 裕毅
<there are no images of 角田 裕毅 because photographs are illegal in japan>

Anyway so we all hooted and hollered when Pierre Gasly won at Monza last year and it was very heartfelming to see. According to this thread 角田 裕毅 is either complete poo poo or absoloutely amazing. But it's nice to see a japanese driver in F1 again so I hope he does well. Ohio as they say in Japan.

Now we move onto Alfa Romeo Racing Orlen who are based in switzerland which if you think about it is pretty much just Italy but a bit german. So we can put them in the good an honest Italian teams category.

Oh my god, they still have a 9000 year old
Kimi-Matias Räikkönen

And Antonio Maria Giovinazzi


God drat I'm so loving sick of kimi now, I wish he'd gently caress off seriously. In the previous op I wrote a multi paragraph rant about Finnish game 'My Summer car' and how the dev pretty much ruined the game over time by adding more and more things to make it purpousley un-fun. But you'll just have to imagine that and how boring it was. Giovonazzi is definitely a front runner for most forgettable driver this year, he was a front runner for this last year too alongside someone else I can't remember. Does anybody care where sauber finish? no ok next team.

Now we move on to the bad british based teams, starting with the least british Alpine F1 Team who have actually decided on a decent livery this year with a nice French racing blue with the tricoloure or whatever. Miles better than the black poo poo rear end one.

The pilots are
Fernando Alonso Díaz

Esteban José Jean-Pierre Ocon-Khelfane (fuckin hell you got enough names there)


Fernando Alonso is well known for his cool calm head and never loosing it while driving for a mediocre backmarker team. He will never yell at the engineers over the radio that the car is poo poo, the engine is poo poo, or the setup is poo poo and that he wants to kick the team principle in the nuts. Ocon guy with a million names will enthrall everyone as he vailiantly battles for 14th place. (watch how he somehow wins a race now i've said that)


Starting to get into the more fraudulent teams now with Red Bull Racing Honda who claim to be Austrian. Now as we know, austria is the home of hitler. They are also based out of a place called Milton Keynes and everyone here loves red bulls team principle who is married to a pop star or something idk.

The featured pilots are
Max Emilian Verstappen


Sergio Pérez Mendoza


Now we all love Max and his agressive driving style, sometimes he just pushes the car a little too much but thats because he's always on the edge. Thats what we like about our Max, everyone itt is always saying how much they love his weirdly shaped head and how they want to kiss it. Pérez has been rewarded by driving one bad british shitbox car well by getting a drive in a slightly less bad british shitbox car, I hope he can show his potential in a better car or maybe just be hosed off by the team because they seem incapable of supporting two different drivers.

The next team is formed by some of the worst countries in the world and also Russia. Obviously I'm talking about Uralkali Haas F1 Team what the hell is a Uralkali, please don't tell me. I would've probably spent the 2 seconds putting Uralkali into google but instead I typed this.

The pilots are
Ники́та Дми́триевич Мазе́пин
<again photos are illegal in russia, but after seeing someone illegaly post his picture in the old thread I'm glad there is no picture>
Mick Schumacher


Ники́та Дми́триевич Мазе́пин seems like a gigantic unlikeable oval office so obviously he's destined for F1. I know Mick is the son of Scud legend Michael but LMFAO THAT FUKKEN NECK WAS YOUR MAMA A GIRAFFE LOL CANT STOP LOLLING AT THAT NECK

Anyway lets move onto nobodys favourite team Aston Martin Cognizant F1 Team why can't these teams have normal names like Scuderia Mission Winnow Ferrari instead of poo poo like Aston Martin Cognizant F1 Team. They were pink and now they are owned by the dad of canadian failson 1, the fact that there are now two canadian failsons in f1 is amazing.

Pilots are
SebaldstianSebastian Vettel
This photo is not correct as he is bald and in this photo he has hair.
Lance Stroll


I think Vettel is going to hate it here and just gently caress off and retire after this season also he should just shave his head instead of wearing a cap all the time. Does anyoen remember when Lance stroll qualified first and then finished like 11th or something last year lol he's so poo poo.

There are too many formula 1 teams, I propose we eliminate Williams Racing for 1) Being poo poo 2) Being british 3) having a goon work for them

Pilots are
Nicholas Daniel Latifi
- who is apparently so un-noteworthy that they just used a picture of the car
George William Russell


Did canadian failson 2 do anything of note last season? I mean I guess williams were so dogshit that it would be hard to tell. George Russel looks like the guy who wants the ring in lord of the rings sorry don't know what he's called because I've never seen that show also the goblin thing in harry potter again haven't seen that either.

Almost there thank god, but we still have to look at McLaren F1 Team unfortunately

We have
Daniel Joseph Ricciardo

Lando Norris


After actual good driver Carlos Sainz Junior left bad british team mclaren, they had to get someone else. So they just found someone lying on the floor in cashies after passing out from drinking from his shoe, that person was daniel ricciardo. Lando Norris is not a real name, I refuse to accept somebody named their child this and they aren't some sort of minor star wars character. He is an epic gamer so at least he'll have that to fall back on once being a poo poo british f1 driver fails

Finally we come to the worst team in the sport, the team everyone hates and nobody has a good word to say for them. The disgusting Mercedes-AMG Petronas F1 Team

Who pilots these wretched cars? well
Sir Lewis Carl Davidson Hamilton

Valtteri Viktor Bottas


With another sucessfull season of cheating to fraudulently win another empty set of championships this is the season where both cars engines just constantly explode and both cars DNF every race. Bottas probably won't need any help with DNF's though because he's poo poo mercedes team principle is too bitchmade to actually hire a good second driver because poois shamilton might cry even more on the radio than he does currently about the tyres while cheating his way to another win.

Anyway I'll edit all the gifs and stuff into the op tomorow or some gbs moderator can do it idk!

Pragmatica posted:



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spaceblancmange
Apr 19, 2018

#essereFerrari


get in there lewis

Dynamite Dog
Dec 12, 2012



I hate everyone that messes up lose and loose, especially the op. gp2 posting.

Thanks Ants
May 21, 2004

#essereFerrari


I am ready to be #blessed this season, OP

Skim Milk
Nov 19, 2006

#essereFerrari


ground floor

Skim Milk
Nov 19, 2006

#essereFerrari


sergio perez 2021 WDC

FAUXTON
Jun 2, 2005

daef


haas sucks lol

Tsaedje
May 11, 2007

ASK ME ABOUT BEING A JOYLESS CURMUDGEON WHO CANNOT ENJOY LIFE'S SIMPLY PLEASURES LIKE EATING AN ICE CREAM WHILST HAVING A SHIT


I unironically enjoy Formula 1 and think it's cool to care about what happens in it.

Max will never be WDC

Thanks Ants
May 21, 2004

#essereFerrari


Skim Milk posted:

sergio perez 2021 WDC

I actually have it on good authority that Danny Ric is winning the championship this year, for noted excellent lads McLaren.

the paradigm shift
Jan 18, 2006

#essereFerrari


bottas is a loving idiot for not going by viktor

VodeAndreas
Apr 30, 2009



Clapping Larry

quote:

LMFAO THAT FUKKEN NECK WAS YOUR MAMA A GIRAFFE LOL CANT STOP LOLLING AT THAT NECK

Lol 🦒

Gonna be weird to have Melbourne at the other end of the year this time.

Mercedes win, the real question is if Alonso or Seb break down first in their new teams.

Nick Soapdish
Apr 27, 2008




MSC will score at least a point this year but not in a Haas

Skim Milk
Nov 19, 2006

#essereFerrari


Thanks Ants posted:

I actually have it on good authority that Danny Ric is winning the championship this year, for noted excellent lads McLaren.

mods ban this sick gently caress

ethanol
Jul 13, 2007

#essereFerrari


net work error
Feb 26, 2011

#essereFerrari


e: ^^^ hell yeah


Good thread thank you OP.

I am ready for more and #blessed posting with my fellow f1 thread friends.

track day bro!
Feb 17, 2005

#essereFerrari


Grimey Drawer

VodeAndreas posted:

Lol 🦒

Gonna be weird to have Melbourne at the other end of the year this time.

Mercedes win, the real question is if Alonso or Seb break down first in their new teams.

I feel like Seb already knows he's on his way out of F1 anyway so probably doesn't care as much as Alonso

Carrier
May 12, 2009


420...69...9001...


That's a really big neck

Lou Takki
Dec 4, 2009

#essereFerrari




Every time I see one of those electric scooters I think about Sir Lewis passing VET

The Big Jesus
Oct 29, 2007

#essereFerrari


Mercedes
Red bull
McLaren
Tracing Point (I'd have them above McLaren but Vettel will sbin too many times)
Renault (alpine? Alfa? I haven't learned new names yet)
Toro rosso
Ferrari
Orlen or sauber, whatever the one that has kimi
Williams
Haas

True story I was putting down the teams I could remember in relative ranking and Ferrari was the 10th team I couldn't think of

Zeta Acosta
Dec 16, 2019

#essereFerrari


vtlel spent the entire 3 days of testing trying to accomodate to last year mercedes who got hosed over by the new aero regulations poor dude cant catch a break but he was catty with scud lady silvia hoffer frangippane so he can gently caress off

Zeta Acosta fucked around with this message at 00:14 on Mar 26, 2021

FAUXTON
Jun 2, 2005

daef


Lou Takki posted:



Every time I see one of those electric scooters I think about Sir Lewis passing VET

dang that's the fastest I've seen a ferrari go in a long time

Literally Lewis Hamilton
Feb 22, 2005

#JusticeForBreonnaTaylor
#BlackLivesMatter
#StillIRise
#Blessed




Close the thread

OhsH
Jan 12, 2008

#essereFerrari


Lance stroll, driver of the day.

Jobbo_Fett
Mar 7, 2014

It would be a sad error in judgement to mistake me for a corpse.


Clapping Larry

What?

Bloody Pom
Jun 5, 2011




Get in there Checo.

Also hoping Gasman gets to rub Horner's face in it some more.

Bloody Pom fucked around with this message at 00:12 on Mar 26, 2021

track day bro!
Feb 17, 2005

#essereFerrari


Grimey Drawer

i will try and catch some of fp1 and fp2 at least at the bahamen gp

biglads
Feb 21, 2007

I could've gone to Blatherwycke





Grassy Regassy

Bloody Pom
Jun 5, 2011




FP1 starts at 0030 for me. My sleep schedule is going to be so hosed

Gonna use the Spark Sport trial to watch this weekend for free.

jazzyhattrick
Jul 1, 2010

Screw you OP, ain't nobody gonna change my avatar.



Pube-Diarrhoea Failrrari are a bad fail team full of bin men. Can't wait to see what zany hijinks they have in store thos season.

Also hugely up for seeing are Sir Lewis get in there for another season

Anime Store Adventure
May 6, 2009


track day bro! posted:

And Antonio Maria Giovinazzi



I'm pretty sure they photoshopped his face onto someone else in this pic

madsushi
Apr 19, 2009

#essereFerrari


Looking forward to Haas' resurgence with a single driver, Mick Schumacher, and weirdly nobody else.

POCKET CHOMP
Jul 20, 2003

me irl.

cool thread op. gotta agree with the ferrari owning part. they own.

Zedd
Jul 6, 2009

I mean, who would have noticed another madman around here?




HAM

BOT

PER

Let's go.

italian quid
Jan 19, 2014

#essereFerrari


I will not be watching Formula 1

I will be watching MotoGP

pik_d
Feb 24, 2006

follow the white dove





I'm not waking up for any of these races probably, so just pretend i empty quoted
this every sunday thanks

Skim Milk
Nov 19, 2006

#essereFerrari


a lot of fraudulent posters itt

ewe2
Jul 1, 2009

TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP

put clinton in prison imo


Lipstick Apathy

this finger



that finger

FAUXTON
Jun 2, 2005

daef


ewe2 posted:

this finger



that finger



He's in the points folks

BWV
Feb 24, 2005



OP I hope your favourite team and their coach Matt BinOtto does better this year.

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Skim Milk
Nov 19, 2006

#essereFerrari


FAUXTON posted:

He's in the points folks

close the freakin thread

this is the best post

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