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ChickenHeart
Nov 28, 2007

Take me at your own risk.



Kiss From a Hog

*Is a noble, expertly-trained over decades and armed with the finest equipment money can buy*

*purebred steed that costs the income of several towns gets pincushioned by the 2nd arrow volley*

*gets stuck in some mud trying to assault defenses on foot*

*ignored for most of the battle while futility attempting to peel off armor that requires a 2nd man to remove*

*gets slowly pelted to death by couriers and auxiliaries with stones after the main force routs*

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Mozi
Apr 4, 2004


here he comes
and he's gone again


Nap Ghost

ah poo poo guys i think i left the stove on, i'll be right back

DarkSoulsTantrum
Apr 6, 2011

this kills the crab

Sure, they're visually impressive, but a lot of posters find large avatars physically uncomfortable. Furthermore, the owners of large avatars often rely on their size alone and don't bother to develop more refined posting techniques.





Gosh, I sure hope none of these strapping, muscular men penetrate me with their lances over and over again.

Icochet
Mar 18, 2008

I have a very small TV. Don't make fun of it! Please don't shame it like that~


Grimey Drawer

You said we would only show our arses to the english, nobody said anything about showing dick. It's not much of a taunt on a cold day like this

Bad Purchase
Jun 17, 2019





A sleek and aerodynamic dong conveys upon the enemy that you are a soldier above all else. Between your legs rests no common dong meant for filling holes in peacetime, nor slapping from thigh to thigh with each stride of your charge. Nay, this dong is a tiny button peeking out from its bunker of hair, well entrenched and steadied for battle. Hardly a wobble will disturb its poise as you tumble across the battlefield. It is a warrior's dong, built not for pleasure and show, but for the bloody business of war.

mom and dad fight a lot
Sep 21, 2006

twenty-six characters long



*dies from malaria*

Ventral EggSac
Dec 3, 2019



The camera follows the sewage trough from all of the making GBS threads ITT under a bridge to the other side of the camp, where a vast poo poo smelting operation is underway. Steam hisses into the air and metal clanks can be heard all around as artisans turn the poop into swords and armor. The Isengard theme music plays. A sturdy man fires a doody arrow into a straw target, nods approvingly to another man. A page is carrying a bundle of poo poo halberds.

A Fancy Hat
Nov 18, 2016

Always remember that the former President was dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin



Aye, my axe hungers for battle! It has been far too many years since it tasted anything but those shrubs that my mother-in-law INSISTS on trimming into fanciful shapes because "it makes the house look nice."

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

Saalkin posted:

"A Shameful dong will only bring defeat."
-Sun Tzu

Ah yes a dong is the highest military rank in Sun Tzu's time... Your generals ought to be filled with pride and vigor if you hope to win!

Icochet
Mar 18, 2008

I have a very small TV. Don't make fun of it! Please don't shame it like that~


Grimey Drawer

gently caress the phalanx, today I'm gonna dual-wield daggers

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com


Pissing my pants at the mere thought of battle because I'm an abject coward whose only hope is a quick end.

Saalkin
Jun 29, 2008

GREAT RACK



Icochet posted:

gently caress the phalanx, today I'm gonna dual-wield daggers

Looking cool is half the battle!

DarkSoulsTantrum
Apr 6, 2011

this kills the crab

Sure, they're visually impressive, but a lot of posters find large avatars physically uncomfortable. Furthermore, the owners of large avatars often rely on their size alone and don't bother to develop more refined posting techniques.





Haha, wow, so weíre really doing this huh? I never really thought it would get this far, I mean, itís pretty obvious he lost the election, you know?

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

Do you want to live forever, men?!?? Huh now that we're here I'm inclined to say yes. It's a wonder that foxholes make philosophers of all

poisonpill
Nov 8, 2009

The only way to get huge fast is to insult a passing witch and hope she curses you with Beast-strength.



Ouch I slept weird and my neck is like, you know, if I look right itís fine but when I turn my head to the left, itís like, it doesnít feel right. Iíll catch the next one.

Icochet
Mar 18, 2008

I have a very small TV. Don't make fun of it! Please don't shame it like that~


Grimey Drawer

Check out Steve. He's trying to multiclass.

Looking good Stevie! NOT!! Haha

StarkRavingMad
Sep 27, 2001





Yams Fan

*grasps your forearm strongly* Today, we go to war. We stand together, not just as men, not just as warriors, but truly as brothers in this battle. If we watch each others' backs, and stand with hearts brave and true, God will protect us and we cannot lose. Stand firm, brother, stand firm.

*runs off and leaves you to die five minutes in*

Cobra Commander
Jan 18, 2011


*Charges into battle and trips on a rock*

*is impaled by own sword and dies*

Badactura
Feb 14, 2019

My wish lives in the future.


While you guys do the important job of fighting and dying, I will do the equally important job of holding this standard that says we are a particular regiment. If they get close to me and try to steal it you guys need to fight extra hard to make sure they don't. If we don't have the standard then no one will know what regiment we are and this battle won't make any sense, ok?

DarkSoulsTantrum
Apr 6, 2011

this kills the crab

Sure, they're visually impressive, but a lot of posters find large avatars physically uncomfortable. Furthermore, the owners of large avatars often rely on their size alone and don't bother to develop more refined posting techniques.





*is saved by the sex arse stuffed into the front of my pants*

StarkRavingMad
Sep 27, 2001





Yams Fan

Badactura posted:

While you guys do the important job of fighting and dying, I will do the equally important job of holding this standard that says we are a particular regiment. If they get close to me and try to steal it you guys need to fight extra hard to make sure they don't. If we don't have the standard then no one will know what regiment we are and this battle won't make any sense, ok?

At least they gave you a standard, all I have is this stupid drum. What the gently caress am I supposed to do with this?

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com


StarkRavingMad posted:

At least they gave you a standard, all I have is this stupid drum. What the gently caress am I supposed to do with this?

Don't stop beating off or we won't know how to march okay?

Halloween Liker
Oct 31, 2020



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKsGu3eQZmA

Icochet
Mar 18, 2008

I have a very small TV. Don't make fun of it! Please don't shame it like that~


Grimey Drawer

...long story short, I dropped out of med school and now I'm a berserker

Dumb Sex-Parrot
Dec 24, 2020

bird/bird


Hey guys if you can hold off for a few days I can get this trebuchet set up and running. It will be wild you guys!

Badactura
Feb 14, 2019

My wish lives in the future.


Dumb Sex-Parrot posted:

Hey guys if you can hold off for a few days I can get this trebuchet set up and running. It will be wild you guys!

Sorry, if we wait any longer too many people will have dysentery to have a good fight.

Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

pro hobo

Silent Majority
THE DON







Oh yeah?? I will SUCK your DICK!!



PinheadSlim
Apr 2, 2015

FRIENDS for EVER

Zippy the Bummer posted:

Oh yeah?? I will SUCK your DICK!!

I'll suck you off to the DEATH!!!!

Who What Now
Sep 10, 2006

In the cheery brightness of the 41st millennium there is only CHRISTMAS SPIRIT!


I always shove the hilt of a dagger up my butthole. That way if anyone tries to attack me from behind I just clench my b-hole and it shoots out like a missile

Revins
Nov 2, 2007

the stars are strange and this isn't home


DarkSoulsTantrum posted:

Haha, wow, so we’re really doing this huh? I never really thought it would get this far, I mean, it’s pretty obvious he lost the election, you know?

>you are stoned to death by your former comrades

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com


Who What Now posted:

I always shove the hilt of a dagger up my butthole. That way if anyone tries to attack me from behind I just clench my b-hole and it shoots out like a missile

I didn't quite understand that and could someone send for whatever the opposite of a bloodletter is?

Captain_Indigo
Jul 29, 2007

Smooth soft red velvety lungs.

*sings an old timey English spirit-lifting song called something like 'I can't wait to sniff the bluebells in St Yves once more'*

*dies of disentary and shits self to death as I drown in a mud puddle*

*It's the invasion of Iraq in 2002*

runnypoops
Mar 26, 2016

been there. done that. prove yourself to me.

Im that guy in gladiator that gets killed right as he enters the arena

GolfHole
Feb 26, 2004



hey guys lets see who can yell 'penis' the loudest without getting in trouble

Weka
May 5, 2019

And if you gaze long into an abyss, you will say `look, no ring.`

20 Blunts posted:

is it just me or have our phalanxes been really gay lately

Look I'm telling you it's how we're going to beat the Spartans.

Captain_Indigo
Jul 29, 2007

Smooth soft red velvety lungs.

GolfHole posted:

hey guys lets see who can yell 'penis' the loudest without getting in trouble

*snort* Okay!

*yells penis and is immediately court martialled*.

Rascar Capac
Aug 31, 2016

Surprisingly nice, for an evil Inca mummy.

*does the entire St. Crispin's day speech, but unfortunately no-one can hear it over the sound of armour being put on, swords being tested, etc.*

Panic! At The Tesco
Aug 19, 2005

Geezer


This is my rifle!
There are many like it, but this one is mine.
My rifle is my best friend! It is my life!
I must master it as I must master my life!


*shoots self in head*

Blurry Gray Thing
Jun 3, 2009


Panic! At The Tesco posted:

This is my rifle!
There are many like it, but this one is mine.
My rifle is my best friend! It is my life!
I must master it as I must master my life!


*shoots self in head*

*Rides up on a chariot*

Alright, can we get some formal rules, here? I know 'Warrior' is a pretty vague term, but as you can see, I had certain expectations!

*Feeds one of the chariot goats a carrot*

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poisonpill
Nov 8, 2009

The only way to get huge fast is to insult a passing witch and hope she curses you with Beast-strength.



*teleports in wearing AI-enchanted power armor, with self-guided antipersonnel missiles and laser rifle*

Oh, man. No, no, itís okay. Iíll go change. I didnít realize. I thought... no, no, donít worry about it. I didnít know it was like just a swords thing. Iíd feel like a sick just blowing everyone away in like two seconds. No, itís fine, you know what? Maybe Iíll just sit it out today

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