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Jul 19, 2007

You've got to admit, you are kind of implausible

WeaponX posted:

1. Bride or Re-Animator (1989)

If you are a fan of the original and havenít seen the sequel I would definitely recommend you check it out.

A tranashula?!

Didn't know this thread was happening; can't wait to join in! Loved doing the Halloween one!


Jul 19, 2007

You've got to admit, you are kind of implausible

Yeti: The Giant of The 20th Century (1977)

What if King Kong, but dumb?

You know you're in for a good time when the dog gets name checked in the opening credits.

A million year old, thirty foot* tall Yeti is unfrozen from a glacier, taken to Toronto, and runs amok. Some people want it dead. Jane and her mute brother Herbie want to protect him. And the director of this film loves his shots of helicopter rotors.

You know how in King Kong it takes at least twenty minutes (Kong: Skull Island) to nine hours (Peter Jackson's King Kong) to see the titular monkey? Not this loving film! Within five minutes they're freeing the Yeti from his frozen ice block. Using flame throwers, which doesn't seem like the brightest of ideas, but hey, I'm not a scientist.

Sixteen year old Jane and her mute younger brother Herbie (who stopped talking after their parents died**) work (?) for their grandfather Morgan Hunnicut, who runs lots of businesses and is very successful. He plans to use the newly discovered Yeti (discovered by Herbie, we're told. The movie doesn't show this, because it had flame throwers to get to) as a mascot for all his businesses (Which apparently does work, since we're later treated to a montage of people going nuts over Yeti-mania, brother.) The Yeti (pronounced "Yay-Tee" by Jane) immediately goes berserk, and kidnaps Jane and Herbie. After a SFX of the Yeti's nipple becoming erect (yes, really), Jane and Herbie somehow befriend the Yeti, and convince him to follow them back to their camp.

The grandfather then transports the Yeti via a very impressive shot of a toy helicopter, to the top of a Toronto hotel, where is once again goes berserk and climbs down the building (You see, Kong went up, Yeti goes down). Jane manages to hide the Yeti in a warehouse, where agents of a rival to her grandfather's business frame the Yeti for a murder. The police want to kill the Yeti, the killers kidnap Herbie, Yeti rescues Herbie and kills the killers. Jane tells Yay-Tee to go back to the wilderness, and the final shot is of the Yeti superimposed over a glacier with tears streaming down his cheeks.

The End.

This movie definitely feels like it was made in response to Dino De Laurentiis' King Kong, but other than the idea of "Giant Hairy Creature Goes Nuts", the film doesn't seem to know what to do with itself. There's a guy, Cliff, who helps resurrect the Yeti, but it turns out (spoilers!) that he's working for/is voted in charge of a rival corporation which is jealous of the success of the Hunnicut Corp? I mean, you never hear about the Burger King trying to murder Ronald McDonald, but I guess if someone has a real, live Yeti as a mascot, no other business could possibly compete with that?

The effects of this film are bad. Like, laughably bad. There's crowds shots on the roof of the hotel, and the director decided to blue screen in the main cast instead of shooting them with the rest of the crowd. The large animatronic hands and feet of the Yeti look like something from a high school home coming parade float.

And then there's the score. There's one main theme, played over and over, and it sounds like a Basil Poledouris rip-off of "O Forturna" from "Carmina Burana", except for one part ...

... Remember the old SNL sketch with Bill Murray; Nick the Lounge Singer? Where he makes up lyrics to the disco-fied theme from "Star Wars"? Well, this film did it in earnest, sticking lyrics to the main theme, lyrics that sound like "Yeti, he's so large ..."

So is this a good film? No, no it is not. But at least it's never boring, so it's got that going for it.

2 out of 5 "Yeti, Kiss Me!" T-shirts.

Watched on Tubi

1.) Yeti: The Giant of the 20th Century

*size varies depending on blue screen shot
** you'd think at some point the kid would suddenly talk. Nope. Never says a word. Not even when his dog comes back to life.

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Davros1 fucked around with this message at 19:43 on May 4, 2021

Jul 19, 2007

You've got to admit, you are kind of implausible

Retro Futurist posted:

2: The Gift

What a weird cast for this movie. They all did a fine job, but the plot takes way too long to get where itís going, just kind of hangs out there for a while, and then has a really hosed up (not in a good way) ending. Could have been something if it were paced differently but it just falls flat

Is this the Sam Raimi film or the Joel Edgerton film?

Jul 19, 2007

You've got to admit, you are kind of implausible

Death Ship (1980)

More like "Crap Ship", amirite?

This film was one of the last of a dying breed: when a filmmaker could go to a studio, tell 'em they're making a movie starring a doughy white guy, and get money for it. Nowadays, the doughy white guy is a supporting role. Important maybe, but never the lead.

In this film, the D.W.G. is George Kennedy, and he plays a cruise ship captain with a stick up his rear end who hates his crew and his passengers. Well, good news for him, because his ship crashes into a derelict ship (or does the derelict ship crash into them? Duh-Duh-Duuuuuh), killing almost all the crew and most of the passengers. That'll learn 'em.

His first mate, and the man who was to succeed him as captain, is Richard Crenna, who was 54 at the time of this film. His wife was played by Sally Ann Howes, who was 50. They're among the survivors along with their two children, the older of which couldn't be more than 10 years old, the youngest, like, 6 years old? Way to keep the passion alive, I guess.

Also among the survivors is another crewman Nick, who's in a relationship with Lori. Then there's Jackie, the cruise ship's entertainer, played by Saul Rubinek, and Mrs. Morgan, who I guess is supposed to be elderly, but is the same age as Sally Ann Howes. And finally, George Kennedy survives as well.

They're drifting along in a makeshift raft when they come upon the derelict ship (which rammed their ship, then went away for awhile). They get aboard, find the ship empty, Kennedy is possessed by the ship (which is leftover from WWII, and is a Nazi, too). The ship kills some people, or has Kennedy kill them, until only Crenna, Howes, and their children are left. It's all very dumb.

This film has all the excitement of waiting in cruise line buffet line, but with none of the payoff. People act as dumb as the script needs them to*, and what exactly does the ship want is a jumbled mess. It was used by the Nazis as a floating interrogation craft, but instead of being the ghosts of the victims (and we see their remains), it's the ghosts of the Nazis? The ship attacks people, but are the attacks real, or hallucinations? Kennedy, possessed, claims that "The Ship needs blood!" and yet, it kills several people by throwing them overboard? So is it a metaphorical blood? But then why all the shots of the engine room pistons pumping? (And there are a lot of shots of pistons pumping)

Like I said, dumb.

One out of five cruise ship passengers dressed as Hagar the Horrible.

Watched on Amazon Prime.

*At one point, Lori takes a shower, and the shower head begins spraying blood, and the door won't open, which sends her into a full blown panic. Except ... it's not like the shower is filling up with blood. It's still going down the drain. Stop bouncing off the wall and maybe try bouncing against the door? And Nick, instead of beating the door frame with a piece of wood, why not try to break the glass of the shower door?

And at another point, once Kennedy is possessed by the ship, he takes to wearing a Nazi Captain's uniform. Yet later, Crenna stumbles into a office and is stunned by the presence of Nazi paraphernalia. Like, no poo poo dude. It's a Nazi ship. You'd think the uniform would've been a huge giveaway.

1.) Yeti: The Giant of the 20th Century 2.) Death Ship

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Jul 19, 2007

You've got to admit, you are kind of implausible

E.G.G.S. posted:

10. Tremors (1990)
A fantastic creature feature that plays out how you wanted those 50s schlock movies to play - it graboids your attention immediately. Jaws in the desert.

.5 /5

Are any of the sequels good?

Two and Three are fun and worth watching, despite lower budgets. Four (a prequel set in the old west) isn't bad. Anything after four is pure poo poo and should be avoided at all costs.

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