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Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

pro hobo

Silent Majority
THE DON







You do not have poo poo on your hands, so you improvise. "Ensign Cogsworth, where is the head?" He points you toward it. You go to the restroom and find some poo poo-covered TP, which you carry up to the top of the superstructure, and use the poo poo to draw a weed leaf on the flag in the middle of a smiley face, then raise it. Some of the mutinous crewmen try to stop you. You draw your glock and shoot their dicks off. Some fall off the ship, two others writhe around in agony. You take their rifles and leave them there.

At the bridge once again, you order Cpt. Frida to contact the Coast Guard, and to tell them that the SS Boipussy has sunk. She sends the message and informs HQ that Dauntless will conduct search and rescue operations.

One of the crewmen shouts for you. You go out to the deck and see many people leaping off the rickety boats and attempting to swim toward Dauntless. The speedboat is racing around them, before turning and gunning it towards you. A man on the bow of the speedboat loads an RPG..

>_



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Pinche Rudo
Feb 8, 2005



>Burn a bunch of weed to create a smoke screen and make a hard turn

>Open fire on the speed boat with the 25mm cannon

>Open fire on the swimmers with the .50 cal MGs

>Grab an AR and a bottle of rum to get ready for boarders

Ventral EggSac
Dec 3, 2019



Burn some joints in your beard like Blackbeard

HIJK
Nov 25, 2012

People were stupid, sometimes. They thought the Library was a dangerous place because of all the magical books, which was true enough, but what made it really one of the most dangerous places there could ever be was the simple fact that it was a library.


You have an old surfboard and some road flares, can the flares be used as propulsion for the surfboard to deliver some kind of payload to the Dauntless?*

*idk what the payload would be

Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

pro hobo

Silent Majority
THE DON







You radio Shoggath to ignite three pounds of weed on SS Boipussy to create an intoxicating smoke screen, then order him to send the old surfboard over with the remaining weed, using the flares as propulsion. That doesn't work at all, so Shoggath has a guardsman paddle the supplies over. You then order Captain Frida to make a hard turn to port.

An RPG strikes the bow of Dauntless, causing minimal damage. "Ensign Cogsworth," you shout, "open up on that bitch!"

As the ship lists hard to port, the 25mm opens on the speedboat, blasting its crew into flesh chunks and the boat into shards of fiberglass. As Dauntless and the towed SS Boipussy turn in a circle, the .50 cal on the starboard side starts firing blind into the smoke screen. After a few moments, people emerge in the water in life vests or clinging to foam pillows, begging to be let onboard. You dispatch sailor Greenwood to deploy the Zodiac boat to look for survivors and inspect the vessels for the good stuff. Greenwood finds 13 people still on the wood boats, high as poo poo, with 105 pounds of cocaine and 363 pounds of marijuana. As you have the boat slowly turn in circles, some of the swimmers are able to climb onto SS Boipussy, where you order them to be put in custody, 19 all told. The drugs are split among yourself and the crew. The few surviving sailors whom you shot the dicks off of, you kick overboard.

The radio crackles again. It is Doctor Snappers.

"Hey fucker, why aren't you here yet? You're only a few miles away, I'm waiting."

You grab the radio. "We ran into a thing, Doc. We'll be there by evening."

"Roger. Over and out."

As sun lowers over the horizon of the Gulf of Mexico, you do a line of coke and blaze. Bellefontaine Point is within view from the bridge, and you can see the Betsy Ann anchored near the pier. Captain Frida informs you that an anomalous object has been spotted half a mile to the south. You stuff a couple blunts in your beard and light 'em as Dauntless plows the briny seas.

Inventory: 9mm glock with 8 rounds, 3 M16 rifles with 160 rounds, old surfboard, 8 pounds of weed (for you personally + 1 and 1 half pounds of coke) SS Boipussy and everything on it (vw van, box truck, large tarp, 50 feet of rope, full bar), the Coast Guard Cutter USCGC Dauntless

>___



Zippy the Bummer fucked around with this message at 01:26 on May 12, 2021

BigBadSteve
Apr 29, 2009

Self Defense
Nil Satanus carborundum

Yeshua akbar!
(Xtian anarchisto, no bombo)


I dunno the next move, but Dr Snappers better bite this guy's dick off for great justice by the end of the CYOA.

Pinche Rudo
Feb 8, 2005



>turn the survivors into a human centipede

>Try to get binoculars onto the object to the south

> Warn Dr snappers we may have more company

Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

pro hobo

Silent Majority
THE DON









just some context. i'll be back. a tree branch fell on my fence



Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

pro hobo

Silent Majority
THE DON







The 19 swimmers prove to be migrants from central America. You radio Shoggath and order him to give them a half-pound of cocaine. He does so, and reports that they have started an rear end-mouth chain gang in the bar area of the SS Boipussy*. Fortunately there are no children involved since they all died in the ocean.

Captain Frida has been monitoring the strange object to the south east. You get Dr. Snappers on the horn.

"Yo Doc, is it normal for an emerald-greed pyramid to be in the ocean?"

"What the gently caress do you think, idiot? Send Shoggath to investigate, and bring Dauntless to Bellefontaine Point. Out."

With your binoculars, you can see the water around the pyramidal object frothing and churning. The pyramid is taller than the ships by several feet/meters. You order Ensign Cogsworth to detach SS Boipussy, and radio Shoggath to pilot that ship to take a look at the strange object. Dauntless continues on course to Bellefontaine Point. It is now evening.

*I hate this, but that's ok.



------------------------------------------------------------------

You are now commanding the character Shoggath.

>___



DeadFatDuckFat
Oct 29, 2012

This avatar brought to you by the 'save our dead gay forums' foundation.


I dunno how to investigate an ocean pyramid, but take some diving gear just in case. And some gifts just in case its filled with aliens or something, so maybe some drugs and the surfboard?

Geemer
Nov 4, 2010




>as a cryptid yourself, open diplomatic channels by offering who / whatever is inside the pyramid the finest drugs. and maybe a little human sacrifice if you're feeling saucy.

Ventral EggSac
Dec 3, 2019



>comb your hair a little with your fingers before they put you on their viewscreen so you look nice

Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

pro hobo

Silent Majority
THE DON







You order Ensign Cadiz, the young woman at the helm, to turn hard to the southeast. Eleven sailors under your command take up positions on the deck, with one other watching the migrants cavort in the bar area. You open up the laptop on the bridge, and fumble around trying to get some sort of uplink with someone. You furiously comb your hair with your paws in case someone appears on the screen-- always best to keep up appearances. SS Boipussy surges through the surf toward the emerald pyramid. Suddenly on the screen appears a blurry, murky image of what appear to be mermaids. At this point, you light a joint and blaze. "What's up and who are all yall?"

A dozen sonorous voices sing through your computer screen in very poor audio quality. "We come bearing dire portents for the land-dwellers. The sea is angry and intends to punish you," the harmonic chorus announces, "repent your ways and aid us in the Great Healing, or you will all be destroyed."

You puff a little. "Uh huh. Gimme a sec." You mute the computer and close it. "Cadiz, bust out those charts and tell me how deep this water is." You point to another sailor whose name you don't know. "Find a set of scuba gear that would fit a six-foot-tall skunk ape, just in case. And bring all the poo poo in the van up to the bridge." Meanwhile the radio crackles. Doc Snappers radios to you and Dauntless to steer far south of Bellefontaine Point. "Motherfucking poo poo is --- a ---to---ing shallow. Don n-- app-- out."

You light up another joint and open the computer, greeted with the visage of a crab the size of an elephant, in a large green-lit room filled with stone pedestals and altars. Next to the crab is a Deer Man, whom you recognize.

"Holy poo poo, Jammers is that you?" you cough. "I know some who might be looking for you."

The crab roars. "Silence, ape! Hear our terms or be destroyed."

"My name ain't ape, son, its...well its Shoggath to you."

"I AM N'JJSAR THE MIGHTY. KNEEL."

You toke. "I ain't calling you that. Come up with a better one."

The crab looks nonplussed. "Uh...XBox360."

"No. Try again. Third time's the charm dude."

Ensign Cadiz whispers, "Sir, the seabed is about 20 feet below."

The crab dons some glasses and flips through a leather-bound book. "Umm....ok...Aristotle. Call me that."

"Ok Aristotle, I'm coming over. Out." You order Cadiz to full stop and drop anchor. You don your scuba gear and bring along 2lbs of coke and 3lbs of weed, along with a lighter, and swim to the base of the pyramid, where you find a hatch that you can enter. The lower levels are full of water, where the mermaids greet you and help you to the upper levels above the water line. There you climb out of the floor and see Aristotle and Jammers in the weird Grecian-styled room.

"Jammers, dude, its been a while," you say as you strip off your mask and shake hands in the cryptid fashion. You toss the drugs onto the floor, and turn to Aristotle. "A gesture of good faith. What is it that you want exactly?"

He begins to chow down on an entire pound of weed. "Let's see. The mermaids want human men to gently caress, and I want the destruction of the Church of Scientology and Mormonism. And I want a space ship. This one stopped working eons ago. But I'll haggle, if you're in the mood for it. And some taquitos," he adds. "Hundreds of thousands of years ago my ancestors--"

"Stop. Jammers, how did you end up with this dude?"

Jammers shrugs. "He's been recruiting cryptids for over a century to do various poo poo. Its a better gig than hanging out in the woods and eating raw flesh."

>_____




-------------------------------------------
gently caress that took forever



Zippy the Bummer fucked around with this message at 02:53 on May 14, 2021

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DeadFatDuckFat
Oct 29, 2012

This avatar brought to you by the 'save our dead gay forums' foundation.


We got ourselves a primo party boat...err.. pyramid. Can't be that hard to get these mermaids some dudes to gently caress once we get the word out. And I bet they can hook up Doc with some sea turtle babes. I dunno about crab dude's needs though. Ask if he will settle for some taco bell catered to the Party Pyramid for now.

Also at some point we gotta hotbox the whole pyramid. Not necessarily now. Just for the future

DeadFatDuckFat fucked around with this message at 03:52 on May 14, 2021

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