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Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




Dip Viscous posted:

I have no idea why I know that this exists.



At least I can understand them using that advertising tactic with Chuck Norris. The earlier one looks like the poster for a porno.

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tarlibone
Aug 1, 2014

Am I a... bad person?
AM I??





Fun Shoe

Captain Log posted:

Here's the #1 thing to know about physical confrontation -

- It's extremely, extremely confusing.

Painful? Sure.

A little scary? Can be.

But the overwhelming emotion you'll feel when you get punched in the face is confusion. Your brain starts mashing all the buttons at once and you'll have the instinct to do eighteen things at once.

"Everyone has a plan until they get punched In the face."
- proverb from an anonymouth philothopher

NerdyMcNerdNerd
Aug 3, 2004

Lol.i halbve already saod i inferno circstances wanttpgback


The one thing I know about physical confrontation from my days in school was:

Most people are really bad at fighting.
Most people only want to do fights they're sure they can win.
Nobody will ever help you if you get jumped.
Any time authority gets involved they somehow always make it worse.

As a side note, if you've never, ever taken a hit to the jaw, it's an interesting experience. You know how when you were a kid you'd gently caress around with a light switch, flicking it on and off real quick to mess with the dog or whatever? Knuckles hitting your jaw just so will do that, but for your consciousness. You don't have to get laid out to be like 'wait where'd that half second of time go'.

Just lmao if you've never had at least one concussion.

Ugly In The Morning
Jul 1, 2010

So pat yourself on the back and give yourself a handshake
'Cause everything is not yet lost




Pillbug

NerdyMcNerdNerd posted:


As a side note, if you've never, ever taken a hit to the jaw, it's an interesting experience. You know how when you were a kid you'd gently caress around with a light switch, flicking it on and off real quick to mess with the dog or whatever? Knuckles hitting your jaw just so will do that, but for your consciousness. You don't have to get laid out to be like 'wait where'd that half second of time go'.



Gotta love The Button. I got someone in a boxing match with a right hook to the jaw and they dropped like a marionette with its strings cut.

Dip Viscous
Sep 17, 2019



That was what my one time ever attempting boxing was like. Dodging and blocking pretty well, getting in some good hits, feeling good about myself, and then wondering why I'm on the floor.

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




My first ever round was only three minutes with kickboxing rules. Punches and kicks, but no knees or elbows. Fun Note - Most headgear doesn't cover the jaw. This is important.

I was twenty-five and weighing about 210 while five foot eleven. I was matched up against a five foot six sixteen year old ginger that weighed 160ish. He was a high school athlete. I was a chubby drunk.

The first two minutes went really well. I was keeping him at arm's length with a stiff jab while he was cocking his arms at ninety degree angles and trying to wade win with hooks. Every time I hit a jab, it functioned like a reset button on the dude. I was feeling smug.

Then the final minute happened and the bottom fell out. I began to feel so exhausted I was letting my mouthguard hang out, which the coach had to yell at me to keep it in. My legs were jelly and I felt nauseous. I kept stooping over and the kid would just step inside the phone booth and uncork. I almost turned my back at one point because one guy in my brain was screaming "HIDE!" while another guy was screaming "WHAT'S HAPPENING?!" and a third was yelling, "VOMIT EVERYTHING!" It had nothing at all to do with pain. It was all confusion. Your body isn't trained to suddenly do precise strikes when a tiny ginger is wailing on your face.

But I made it to the ten second buzzer and might have won the round based on two minutes of dominance vs the kid's one minute. Maybe.

You know what a showtime kick is? Let me show you an example.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhgOtbbU1UM

Turned out, the kid and his lanky friend had a Muay Thai bag in their basement and had been practicing variations on the predecessor to that kick. Basically, you fake a low kick. But use the momentum from the planted leg to do a surprise aerial switch kick to the face. Translation - It's a surprise head kick, delivered while completely airborne.

With a second or two left, Ginger cranked me on the jaw with an aerial kick. You're not supposed to go that hard in 80% sparring, but he was young and full of adrenaline. It landed where the headgear didn't cover.

I didn't go OUT out, but my body locked up. I fell onto my back like a tree, with my gloves frozen out front of me. It felt like falling backwards into a pool. No pain, just more loving confusion. I remember staring up at the giant gym fan on the ceiling, thinking it was moving in slow motion.

Then I had the coach and the kid appear above my face, both looking alarmed and asking if I was OK.

I spat out my mouthpiece, but it just fell back onto my face to demonstrate me as being the big uncoordinated doofus I am. I said, "That was a good kick."

22 Eargesplitten
Oct 10, 2010

Certified Centrist Trash


I got in a lot of fights when I was in school but thankfully only one or two since then. I've learned two things. One is that if you don't have the deep down intention to hurt someone, you're screwed (this was my problem in school, I'd lash out but not actually have the intent to follow it up). I think that's something that most generally good people have a problem with, but macho assholes don't. Maybe that's an argument for judo/jujitsu as a first/primary martial art for a lot of people, knocking someone on their rear end and running doesn't require that ugly intention, and when I took it, it emphasized a lot of ways to escape someone grabbing you.

Second, with your punches all your power comes from your legs. I had someone trying to choke me out and I was unsuccessfully punching them to get them to let go, I almost blacked out by the time I got a hand around one of their fingers and pulled back until they let go. I guess that brings up a third. Most people are really bad at fighting but if they get lucky it doesn't matter, you can still be in a real bad position unless you're good at fighting. Which I'm not, I'm definitely not. I'm just big, which thankfully means less people are going to start poo poo.

I planned to go back to jujitsu training before the pandemic, but now I live somewhere else and have no idea what the options are anywhere close to me. Basically the only skill I have in muscle memory from back then is breakfalls, although tbh living where there's a lot of ice and snow that has helped me more times than any sort of fighting techniques would.

E: Did that guy fake a low kick, jump with his planted foot, then kick off the cage with his kicking foot to give him more force? What the gently caress? I had to slow it down to 25% speed to tell exactly what he did.

22 Eargesplitten fucked around with this message at 21:40 on May 31, 2021

Capn Beeb
Jun 29, 2003

Enter the woods, find a friend!


All I really remember from high school fights boils down to:

Everything is a weapon, and nobody expects to get put through a table or get cracked in the teeth with a text book.

Of course I was always the one getting suspended for the temerity of defending myself from good 'ol boys who had family on the school's payroll, but getting folded up in a table got one of them to reconsider their life path. Well, to an extent anyway. Later heard of him doing hate crimes out in Arizona before slinking back east to the comfort of the established klan community he grew up in.

DarkHorse
Dec 13, 2006

Vroom Vroom, BEEP BEEP!

Nap Ghost

Captain Log posted:


I didn't go OUT out, but my body locked up. I fell onto my back like a tree, with my gloves frozen out front of me. It felt like falling backwards into a pool. No pain, just more loving confusion. I remember staring up at the giant gym fan on the ceiling, thinking it was moving in slow motion.


This is such a common reflex it has a name: the fencing response. The extensor muscles lock up so your arm goes in front of you, you turn into a stiff plank, and then fall over like a tree when a lumberjack makes timber

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




DarkHorse posted:

This is such a common reflex it has a name: the fencing response. The extensor muscles lock up so your arm goes in front of you, you turn into a stiff plank, and then fall over like a tree when a lumberjack makes timber

Huh, I'll be damned. Didn't know that. In the combat sports world, unrelated to the stiff arms and treelike fall, it's called a flash KO. But those can turn out your lights for a second, but you're always back by the time you hit the ground.

Here is an example of a fighter shutting off a guy's lights three times with flash KOs, then getting struck by the MMA equivalent of lightning. It's really worth a watch, because it's one of the damndest sequences ever seen in fighting.

Pat Barry was always my favorite bad fighter and the significant other of Champion Thug Rose Namajunas.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMAwOwBB5OQ

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




Got a dentist appointment tomorrow to take care of some of these tiny cavities.

I've reached the point in my life where getting blasted on nitrous while I listen to chill music on a wireless earbud makes me look forward to getting my mouth drilled.

Cyrano4747
Sep 25, 2006



Capn Beeb posted:

All I really remember from high school fights boils down to:

Everything is a weapon, and nobody expects to get put through a table or get cracked in the teeth with a text book.

Yep. The only fight I got into in middle school ended when I put a 800 page hardcover history book into the other guy's nose.

madeintaipei
Jul 13, 2012



Captain Log posted:


I've reached the point in my life where getting blasted on nitrous while I listen to chill music on a wireless earbud makes me look forward to getting my mouth drilled.

gently caress. It has been a while since I was at a rave.

madeintaipei
Jul 13, 2012



Captain Log posted:


I've reached the point in my life where getting blasted on nitrous while I listen to chill music on a wireless earbud makes me look forward to getting my mouth drilled.

I'd like to change my answer to: Way ahead of you there, bud.

mlmp08
Jul 11, 2004


Nap Ghost

Birdberries

https://twitter.com/lucent508/status/1399718619144204288?s=21

I Demand Food
Nov 17, 2002


Late to the fight talk, but even though most people don't know how to fight and are cowards, groups of people are loving scary. A few weeks back Mrs. Food and I dropped the kiddos off at the in-laws and had a drunken adventure at a local beach town. Because we were going on a drunk adventure, I left my EDC at home. The main street of that town is closed to vehicle traffic and is basically a walkway flanked by sidewalks and bars and restaurants, most with outdoor seating.

As we were drunkenly walking down the main street, there was a homeless man who was kung fu fighting some imaginary assailants with the help of severe psychosis and/or hallucinogens. I was keeping an eye on him because while he wasn't directly in our path he wasn't that far away. As we watched, he walked up to a group of about 5-6 teens skateboarding on the street and very weakly tapped one in the arm -- it looked like play fighting to me, but one yelled "what the gently caress, dude!" and in an instant they all rushed him, shoved him down to the ground, and just started raining punches and kicks down on him. Then one cracked his skateboard across the guy's head.

At that point, a guy eating at a restaurant stood up and yelled "HEY! STOP IT! I'M CALLING THE COPS!" and they scattered.

There was no communication, no planning, just a wordless common purpose among the kids to beat the living poo poo out of the guy.

mischief
Jun 3, 2003


Trucking people with a skateboard is just overkill, I always cringe when I see videos of it.

Very good way to catch a charge over what is usually just a verbal altercation.

kupachek
Aug 5, 2015

We both like to hang out in public bathrooms?!

mischief posted:

Trucking people with a skateboard is just overkill, I always cringe when I see videos of it.

Very good way to catch a charge over what is usually just a verbal altercation.

Not just overkill, it can kill.
There was a Canadian case a few years back, but it's a pain to search for because the kid was underage at the time. He smashed a homeless man in the head with his skateboard over allegations of a stolen bicycle and killed him.

I Demand Food
Nov 17, 2002


It was one of those situations I've thought about a few times since.

If we hadn't been planning on a drunk adventure, I would have been sober and carrying that day.

I probably would have been more likely to yell for them to stop, like the other guy did. But what if the kids kept wailing on the guy? What if they got mad at me and closed in? The criteria for reasonable fear of serious injury or death was clearly there, especially when skateboard met skull, but gently caress a potential confrontation with 5-6 aggressive people over a cracked out transient.

I came to the realization that I am likely a selfish coward myself and would not have gotten involved regardless.

Somebody Awful
Nov 27, 2011

BORN TO DIE
HAIG IS A FUCK
Kill Em All 1917
I am trench man
410,757,864,530 SHELLS FIRED




It's time for a new chat thread again. Anyone want to come up with something fabulous? If not I'll do one later.

Dip Viscous
Sep 17, 2019



I've never had any dentist offer me nitrous.

Current dude is chill as all hell and is like "don't close your mouth while I go take a leak, those files are like, WAY up there in your skull lol". He's so good at being chill than nothing matters.

canyoneer
Sep 13, 2005


I only have canyoneyes for you


I'm never 'guana die in no ghetto

tarlibone
Aug 1, 2014

Am I a... bad person?
AM I??





Fun Shoe



Florida Lawyers posted:

They also wrote that Patterson believed the iguana "could have injected poison" into him.

"Thus he rushed to incapacitate the iguana the best way he could in order to preserve its antidote," they wrote.

When I read that aloud, my wife said, "Why haven't I heard of iguanas doing that?"

I responded using my best Red Mantle impression: "Because you are sane!"

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




Do we have any lighter nerds in here?

In rooms without birds, our house burns a lot of incense. It's needed with Pops, who smokes a fair amount of joints.

I recently replaced the gas station lighters with proper Zippos, because I cannot stand cheap Bic lighters. One of them has a really low flame unrelated to how full it is or isn't. What do I do to increase the flame itself? Trim it? Or yank it further out with needle nose pliers?

Memento
Aug 25, 2009




Bleak Gremlin

Try pulling the wick up a bit, yeah. If it's quite black, pull it up until you have completely fresh wick, and trim it to the top of the guard. Remember that the wick has a little wire running through it for structure, so the best thing to trim with is a pair of good side cutters.

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




Memento posted:

Try pulling the wick up a bit, yeah. If it's quite black, pull it up until you have completely fresh wick, and trim it to the top of the guard. Remember that the wick has a little wire running through it for structure, so the best thing to trim with is a pair of good side cutters.

Perfect. I thought it was something simple, just couldn't remember.

tarlibone
Aug 1, 2014

Am I a... bad person?
AM I??





Fun Shoe

Yeah, if the flame is too low, just pull the wick up a bit. But don't pull it up too high. I usually trim mine with the top of the lighter bezel. I don't even smoke, but I love Zippos.

The worst thing in the world that ever happened was when people stop carrying lighters to concerts, and just started using their cell phones. I hate that so much.

DarkHorse
Dec 13, 2006

Vroom Vroom, BEEP BEEP!

Nap Ghost

tarlibone posted:

Yeah, if the flame is too low, just pull the wick up a bit. But don't pull it up too high. I usually trim mine with the top of the lighter bezel. I don't even smoke, but I love Zippos.

The worst thing in the world that ever happened was when people stop carrying lighters to concerts, and just started using their cell phones. I hate that so much.

I don't smoke either and I loved zippos. I somehow convinced my mom to get me one when I was 16 and didn't understand why she was reluctant lol

I've been converted to butane lighters though. I have to light my smoker when I'm inspecting my beehives, and it was a pain waiting for stuff to light with a regular flame in the wind. The story how I got one is pretty funny though.

We were inspecting our hives at the park we've installed them, and randomly a police officer came out of the bushes and asked what we were doing. After a bit of we convinced him we were inspecting our beehives (the veils and smoker and hive tools helped) and that we had permission to be there. By way of explanation he said that kids had been smoking weed in those bushes and he'd seen the smoke from our smokers and assumed it was them.

After he left we noticed that two of our cinderblock bases was missing. We checked in those same bushes and saw those ganja smoking hooligans had probably been using them as seats. One of them had also apparently dropped their butane lighter, and after fiddling with it for a bit figured out how to work it. It immediately came in handy because it was a really windy day and had been having trouble lighting the smokers.

kupachek
Aug 5, 2015

We both like to hang out in public bathrooms?!

DarkHorse posted:

I don't smoke either and I loved zippos. I somehow convinced my mom to get me one when I was 16 and didn't understand why she was reluctant lol

I've been converted to butane lighters though. I have to light my smoker when I'm inspecting my beehives, and it was a pain waiting for stuff to light with a regular flame in the wind. The story how I got one is pretty funny though.

We were inspecting our hives at the park we've installed them, and randomly a police officer came out of the bushes and asked what we were doing. After a bit of we convinced him we were inspecting our beehives (the veils and smoker and hive tools helped) and that we had permission to be there. By way of explanation he said that kids had been smoking weed in those bushes and he'd seen the smoke from our smokers and assumed it was them.

After he left we noticed that two of our cinderblock bases was missing. We checked in those same bushes and saw those ganja smoking hooligans had probably been using them as seats. One of them had also apparently dropped their butane lighter, and after fiddling with it for a bit figured out how to work it. It immediately came in handy because it was a really windy day and had been having trouble lighting the smokers.

Good news!

You can toss an insert in and make use of your zippo still.

I'm not sure about these inserts, but in the past Zippo was pretty good about mailing out replacement alternate inserts at no cost. I swapped out a half dozen of mine with the pipe inserts a while back. All I did was write to them asking if I could buy a half dozen, and the gal asked for my address and mailed them out that day gratis.


Edit; They sell them for 15 bucks.
https://www.zippo.com/products/single-torch-butane-lighter-insert

kupachek fucked around with this message at 13:41 on Jun 3, 2021

poeticoddity
Jan 14, 2007
"How nice - to feel nothing and still get full credit for being alive." - Kurt Vonnegut Jr. - Slaughterhouse Five

kupachek posted:

Good news!

You can toss an insert in and make use of your zippo still.

I'm not sure about these inserts, but in the past Zippo was pretty good about mailing out replacement alternate inserts at no cost. I swapped out a half dozen of mine with the pipe inserts a while back. All I did was write to them asking if I could buy a half dozen, and the gal asked for my address and mailed them out that day gratis.


Edit; They sell them for 15 bucks.
https://www.zippo.com/products/single-torch-butane-lighter-insert

I got a butane insert for my Zippo and I'm very glad I did just because I don't have to worry about Zippo fluid evaporating in my pocket but have something more pleasant and durable than a Bic in my EDC.

The jet style ones are great if you have to deal with heat shrink, btw, because you can get much more controllable heat and can aim it downward at an angle instead of having to come in from the top.

NerdyMcNerdNerd
Aug 3, 2004

Lol.i halbve already saod i inferno circstances wanttpgback


Stupid question. How do you know you're getting a good deal if you scrap a car? My ancient 91 Buick is no longer worth its problems.

CBJamo
Jul 15, 2012



Those butane inserts are great, but do be aware that they aren't covered by zippo's otherwise great warranty. You should also consider them as consumables, the little piezo sparker will poo poo the bed eventually.

tarlibone
Aug 1, 2014

Am I a... bad person?
AM I??





Fun Shoe

NerdyMcNerdNerd posted:

Stupid question. How do you know you're getting a good deal if you scrap a car? My ancient 91 Buick is no longer worth its problems.

If you get triple digits for it, that's a good deal.

When it comes to junking or scrapping, the person with the big junky item is at the bottom of the junk chain. You might get $100 for it, and the person who gets it will get more because they're going to get parts off of it that maybe someone wants. Later, some scrapper will get some more because they're getting rid of various non-recyclables and getting the leftover metal to the scrapyard.

In my experience, I'd even take $50 for something that I'm never going to drive again that can't be sold because it's just too horrible to fix up and make reliable. Why? Because otherwise, you have a lawn decoration in the shape of a car. Sooner or later, in my jurisdiction, I have to either hide it from view (car covers don't count) or keep putting tags on it. If I don't, then they tow it, and I owe money on top of the nuisance citations I might get from the city.

I've scrapped out a couple of vehicles in my day for literally "Come by and pick it up." No money. But, I didn't have a trouble-anchor sitting in my driveway anymore. And, I was happy with the deal.

poeticoddity
Jan 14, 2007
"How nice - to feel nothing and still get full credit for being alive." - Kurt Vonnegut Jr. - Slaughterhouse Five

When I bought my current vehicle, I traded in a deathtrap minivan where the brakes were almost entirely shot.
I told the salesman I was dealing with, "Please don't let someone drive that off the lot. I don't think it's safe."
My trade in offer was dropped from $600 to $100, but I got the peace of mind of knowing they didn't let a mechanic drive it off the lot to get splattered on the highway or something.

I should have, in retrospect, taken the seats out and sold them because they were in surprisingly good condition and probably worth more than the rest of the vehicle.

Cyrano4747
Sep 25, 2006



Yeah, the last two cars I've scrapped I basically got free disposal. Neither of them could be driven to the scrapper, so the deal was basically that they'd have their guy tow it and then I wouldn't have to worry about it. Frankly it was worth it.

The one before that I got IIRC $400 for it, but that was in the middle of some insane bubble in steel prices. That was about 2010 iirc.

NerdyMcNerdNerd
Aug 3, 2004

Lol.i halbve already saod i inferno circstances wanttpgback


Thanks for the input.

https://twitter.com/_Etudez/status/1400261315659190290?s=20

darnon
Nov 8, 2009


You can call ahead and ask what they're paying for scrap cars. Most places are going to price in gross tons which is 2240lbs rather than the 2k# net ton. You can get a bit more if you cut off the catalytic converters or if it has aluminum rims dismounting the tires to scrap separately.

I Demand Food
Nov 17, 2002


I thought various charities accepted donations of cars, including non-running cars, and that it kind of worked on the honor/best guess of market value principle up to $500.

Might as well get a write-off while getting rid of a junker.

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Somebody Awful
Nov 27, 2011

BORN TO DIE
HAIG IS A FUCK
Kill Em All 1917
I am trench man
410,757,864,530 SHELLS FIRED




June chat is live.

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