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My old web comic "Super Temps" (named after a temporary employment agency for supers) took place in a world where everyone had special powers, just most of them sucked or weren't flashy enough to put a cape on for. Some people were immune to cholesterol. Others found small, lost objects from around the world whenever they ran a dryer. Some people could do a flash costume transformation... but that was it, they just got a costume. And then other people could rapid-fire concussive energy blasts from their fists. Post in this thread. I will tell you the secret power you wield simply by looking at your user name! Some people might have fantastic powers! Most will not. Some dicing is involved. I will start with myself. My power is: The ability to SMALK! SMALKing is the power to turn ordinary MILK into SMALK! SMALK is just like regular milk except it can be drunk by ANYONE, even people who are normally lactose intolerant or vegan or to whom dairy products create a lethal or irritating reaction. When a vegan is near SMALK they will not recognize it as being non-vegan and if they drink SMALK they will claim it is vegan friendly (even though technically it totally isn't). If SMALK is left out it naturally turns into SMURK, which is like a runny, plain yogurt that stinks but is still edible and tastes like a mild cheese. When left out longer it just turns into rancid yogurt which is less remarkable.
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May 8, 2021 06:00
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| # ? Apr 18, 2024 12:54 |
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Did you know your website currently has a huge ad for some kind of real dolls on it? Did you write the TV Tropes page about your webcomic and the seemingly exhaustive list of Super Temps characters that's on it?
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May 8, 2021 06:07
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I cube therefore I'mmm
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May 8, 2021 06:07
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Post the webcomic name drop, get the Smik-Smalk
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May 8, 2021 06:09
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Alright
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May 8, 2021 06:31
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I've been waiting 17 years for this thread
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May 8, 2021 06:32
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This is the perfect thread to try out my new shitpost catchphrase if I could remember what it was
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May 8, 2021 06:34
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I think it was something like WELL THATS A POST ALRIGHT
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May 8, 2021 06:35
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I’d be like, the David hasselhoff of Whorewatch. 
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May 8, 2021 06:39
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Funky See Funky Do posted:Did you know your website currently has a huge ad for some kind of real dolls on it? Did you write the TV Tropes page about your webcomic and the seemingly exhaustive list of Super Temps characters that's on it? I don't really have a website, it's hosted on The Duck so their ads are their business. I just keep the domain name I got for it waaaaaay back when I first worked on it. I laid the comic to rest after my wife passed, but some recent event had me find some bits about how I made up weird powers for everyone commenting and wanted to do it again. Funky See Funky Do: Your power is the ability to CONTROL HAIR! Not just your own, but the hair of others! Your powers allow you to: - Grow hair -- anywhere there are or were follicles. You can force grow hair in scant seconds. This allows you to blind people as their hair rapidly covers their entire face. Yes, you can also grow their pubes until it cripples their movement. - Remove hair -- same as Grow Hair, but it falls out. This has psychological combat potential! Make your enemies bald, shatter their confidence, or make them think they've been radiated! - Control hair -- you can shape and manipulate hair and can attack people with their own hair growth. Your powers would legitimately allow you to enter the Super Hero or Villain business, or you could instead just operate the world's most powerful hair salon ever.
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May 8, 2021 06:47
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Zeluth posted:I cube therefore I'mmm Zeluth, your power is: CONTROL Z - You can sense Z's. - You can also force Z's to appear on walls. - You have the ability to force the CNTRL-Z short cut on computers with the power of your mind! (rolled kinda low on the power table, sorry)
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May 8, 2021 06:54
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Post
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May 8, 2021 07:02
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William Henry Hairytaint posted:Post the webcomic name drop, get the Smik-Smalk William Henry Hairytaint, your power is... Control Erectile Dysfunction! This is pretty self-explanatory. It's useful but you don't like to talk about it.
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May 8, 2021 07:03
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Posting to find out my power
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May 8, 2021 07:05
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yo hey hi can I get a power please
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May 8, 2021 07:08
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Spinz posted:Alright Spinz your power is... Spinning! - Unlike normal people, you can spin at anytime, any place, at any speed without falling over! - If you are in a vehicle that doesn't provide enough room for you to spin, you will cause the vehicle to spin wildly out of control! This will likely kill you and others, please don't do it! - You will very likely throw up! Yes, you can continue to spin while you do it and re-enact a scene from The Exorcist! That's gross, please don't do it! (No offence, it was just a low roll on the power table)
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May 8, 2021 07:10
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I am brimming with power. I feel it.
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May 8, 2021 07:11
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I only want a power that will help me rob a bank, otherwise whats the point?
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May 8, 2021 07:15
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Smik posted:Spinz your power is... I have spun my chest and hair clean off YIKES
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May 8, 2021 07:17
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Supreme Allah posted:I've been waiting 17 years for this thread Supreme Allah, your power is... THE 17 YEAR WAIT - You have the ability to delay anything event that has begun in motion to not complete until 17 years later, once per event. - Your ability takes 17 years to recharge after use. WARNING: Do not attempt to prolong an orgasm for 17 years! You will die of dehydration and a heart attack! - No seriously don't, I'm pretty sure it would stop being fun after five minutes. - Yes you can probably give yourself an extra 17 years to live.
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May 8, 2021 07:22
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i would like a power
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May 8, 2021 07:33
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Hairy Right Hook posted:This is the perfect thread to try out my new shitpost catchphrase if I could remember what it was Hairy Right Hook your power is... poo poo CONTROL! - You can force anyone within your line of sight to poo poo with as little or as much force as you wish! - Your power is of Super rank, which means you can make your foes poo poo themselves to death! - With enough practice you can eventually figure out how to make a target full-body prolapse! - You are inevitably but silently blamed for any bout of diarrhea by anyone who knows you. - If you are feeling especially cruel you can reverse the making GBS threads process. This takes a lot of effort.
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May 8, 2021 07:36
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posting for powers
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May 8, 2021 07:40
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I could benefit from a super-power, now that I reside in Joe Biden's America.
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May 8, 2021 07:42
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ClamdestineBoyster posted:I’d be like, the David hasselhoff of Whorewatch. ClamdestineBoyster your power is... BIVALVIA POWERS! (B-grade super) You are gifted with the powers of bivalves like oysters and clams! - You can tolerate even artic waters and cold! - You can spray byssus threads to cement foes to hard surfaces! It's like Spider-Man's webs but a lot grosser! - You can create a thick shell to defend yourself with! It is not terribly bullet-proof but it can withstand some blunt force trauma so it's better than nothing. - You occasionally poo poo pearls. They are of very high quality and are very valuable but unfortunately they are not separate from your regular feces. You know one when you pass one though. - Extremely virile. - You have the power to talk to vaginas. Much like your shell in that while you don't have the power to command vaginas, it can provide some insight and is better than nothing.
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May 8, 2021 07:56
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That strange guy your power is... MINOR STRANGENESS CONTROL - You can control how strange something seems to be, from "Nothing unusual" to "Let us not speak of this again" - This power can let you do things that are strange but everyone at the time will consider what you're doing to be normal. Note that this power does not last indefinitely and so if you do something of consequence people will remember you doing it, they just didn't think what you were doing was "Strange at the time". - You can also make perfectly innocuous things and behaviours seem extremely strange, but the most people will do is either stare, avoid looking at it, or ask the person doing the suddenly 'strange' behaviour to please stop. - This is a good way to make your weird fetishes seem completely normal if you really want to talk about them, just keep in mind people will find them strange if they are brought up later and you're not around.
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May 8, 2021 08:10
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Gimme the juice
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May 8, 2021 08:12
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Zil posted:Posting to find out my power Zil, your power is... The Ability to ZILLIFY! Zilllification allows you to turn any dill flavour into something that tastes like you! You can also reverse the process, causing your body and its excretions to taste like dill! This pretty much well can only be used for evil if we're being honest.
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May 8, 2021 08:22
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o gosh im afraid i dont have ANY powers, im just a huge LOSER . sorry to bother this thread, what a dunce move that was
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May 8, 2021 08:30
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kntfkr posted:yo hey hi can I get a power please kntfkr your power is... VOWEL DELETION! - You can remove the vowels from printed pages, Internet posts, and from speech! - This impacts a person's thought processes as well, which can confuse and disorient! People will also not be able to find vowels on keyboards or remember how to write them! - You can cause people to not hear or see vowels! - Wizards and English teachers hate you!
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May 8, 2021 08:32
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May 8, 2021 08:45
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Meme Poker Party posted:I am brimming with power. I feel it. Meme Poker Party (I'm so sorry but I rolled a 1 out of 100 so your power is really going to suck) your power is... DE-MAMMIFICATION! You have the power to restore the mammary glands of cartoon characters to their natural form. This primarily only impacts media since there aren't any actual lizard tits in the wild, with the exception of people with breast implants. - You can remove mammary glands from reptilian characters! - You can reduce the mammary glands in mammals to being non-existent unless they are nursing! - You can remove breast implants! - Furries hate you! - People who like boobs also hate you! This power pretty much well only has evil application. I'm sorry.
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May 8, 2021 08:53
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Fashionable Jorts posted:I only want a power that will help me rob a bank, otherwise whats the point? Unfortunately Fashionable Jorts we are living at the whims of fate and fate has decided your power is... FASHION CONTROL - You have the ability to appear fashionable regardless of what you are wearing! - This power is limited to yourself and only in person; any record of what you were wearing will reveal its true fashion.
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May 8, 2021 09:04
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My officers chose me to get the Something-Awful Serum.
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May 8, 2021 09:16
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Derpies posted:i would like a power Derpies, your power is... CONTROL STUPIDITY - Super Rank power! - You can control the intensity of someone's stupidity; while this doesn't allow you to make someone smarter, you can minimize their stupidity to the point where truly stupid individuals will just come to a complete standstill! - You can intensify the stupidity of others! With practice you could increase the stupidity of a target to the point of forgetting how to breathe properly! - With this great power comes great responsibility; please use this for good as we have enough stupid in the world already!
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May 8, 2021 09:17
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Smik posted:I don't really have a website, it's hosted on The Duck so their ads are their business. I just keep the domain name I got for it waaaaaay back when I first worked on it. I laid the comic to rest after my wife passed, but some recent event had me find some bits about how I made up weird powers for everyone commenting and wanted to do it again. I swear to use my powers for good. Only giving men who own their baldness and shave their heads back a full of mane of thick luxurious hair and I guess people on chemo too. Evil-doers beware! I will put so much hair in your rear end crack you'll spend too much time wiping to commit any evil deeds.
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May 8, 2021 09:25
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ninjoatse.cx posted:posting for powers ninjoatse.cx your power is... The art of NINJA GOATSE: - You can cause any screen to display you know what. - You can discreetly include you know what into any web page regardless of its security. - For pages without the ability to display images, you know what will be displayed in ASCII or other means. - You can target any device that reaches you, regardless of the security used to prevent tracking, effectively allowing you to display you know what to the screens of spammers or random posters. - You are immune to you know what; you will simply move any shock material into your own arsenal.
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May 8, 2021 09:37
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How do people find out their lame abilities, are they just born knowing they can do X thing?
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May 8, 2021 09:49
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Nessus posted:I could benefit from a super-power, now that I reside in Joe Biden's America. Nessus your power is... Indifference to Titanic Events! - You can sense titanic events shortly before they occur and react with indifference! - Indifference allows you to keep a calm head and react to said events without panic! - Indifference also allows you to be calm enough to lie convincingly even if you've just recently been shot with a poisonous arrow that is causing you excruciating pain! - Please note that Indifference interferes with fight-or-flight functions like adrenaline. Only use Indifference during times where panic would be detrimental. Ask your doctor if Indifference is right for you.
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May 8, 2021 09:52
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Humility is a virtue, so I'd be happy with any superpower no matter how seemingly useless or powerful. The real superpower is the power of love and acceptance
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May 8, 2021 09:54
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