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Buttchocks
Oct 21, 2020

No, I like my hat, thanks.
What is my power and how do I use it to take more/better naps?

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Smik
Mar 18, 2014

haggisforthesoul posted:

I'd love a superpower, please.

haggisforthesoul your power is...

CONSUMPTION POWER! Believe it or not, it's an A-Grade Super Power
- You can consume the organs of any living thing to absorb a portion of its strengths!
- This includes plants and insects!
- This includes people!
- Your digestion process is more efficient and faster.

Examples:
- Cheeseburgers grants you a tiny portion of the strength of a bull and the ability to taste delicious as well as being able to better digest grasses.
- Plants (such as spinach) give you a portion of the ability to photosynthesize and regeneration.
- Eating the corpses of people is extremely frowned upon but the rate that you can absorb their physical strengths is much faster. Just don't eat weak people. Also you can still easily get diseases from eating the brains even though it's the only way to steal their skills.

Only registered members can see post attachments!

Smik
Mar 18, 2014

Raku posted:

My power must be overwhelming!

Raku your power is...

RAKU-WARE GOLEM CONTROL, a B-Rank Super Power!
- You must shape your golems ahead of time using clay, and your golems must be shaped by your own hands!
- You must then "charge" your golems in order to get them to do tasks. The more potent the charge, the "hotter" the golem.
- "Cold" golems are slow moving and generally harmless but they don't cause any collateral damage. Their charge lasts about an hour, but they can be reused quite a bit.
- "Warm" golems are slightly faster and generally harmless. Their charge lasts 30 min before they become "Cold" golems. They can be reused quite a bit, but not as much as Cold golems.
- "Hot" golems are fast and dangerous, and will inflict serious burns on those who touch them! Generally only useful for combat. They last 30 min before they cool down into statues and can no longer be animated. If they are rapidly cooled the golems will shatter.

(The time, effort and preparation keeps this power from being A-Rank)

Only registered members can see post attachments!

Smik
Mar 18, 2014

muffler posted:

Does anyone here have super lawyer powers that can make up for the rest of my life being made legitimately not worth living by someone overstepping their boundaries and drugging me with a testosterone blocking prostate cancer drug to protect the dignity of terri schiavo

muffler your power is...

DETECT MUFFLER
- You can detect mufflers, no matter how they are hidden!
- You can tell how close you are to a muffler!
- You can tell how much useful life is left in a muffler by proximity! If you are next to a muffler but can't sense it very well, the muffler has very little usable life left!

OK, I need to hit the hay. Tune in next Bat-time, same Bat-channel!

Only registered members can see post attachments!

My Face When
Nov 28, 2012

Hide your healthcare.
Hide your wife.

Im intrigued and scared at the same time.

thatswhatshesaid

alpaca diseases
May 19, 2009

hmu

syntaxfunction
Oct 27, 2010
Gimme some of that sweet, sweet superpowers. I crave it.

Cascade Failure
Jan 8, 2010
These are cool op, I'd like one as well.

Zenostein
Aug 16, 2008

:h::h::h:Alhamdulillah-chan:h::h::h:

Meme Poker Party posted:

Zenostein what’s my oppai level?

crayon shin chan, i'm afraid.

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007
Probation
Can't post for 19 hours!
It's my 40th birthday OP.

Elentor
Dec 14, 2004

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
I would like to know what my power is, thanks, I've always wanted to be a hero and/or a villain.

Arrrthritis
May 31, 2007

I don't care if you're a star, the moon, or the whole damn sky, you need to come back down to earth and remember where you came from
These powers are pretty cool. I'd like one, please.

John Dounce
Jan 17, 2012

Draw me like one of your webcomic guys :wink:

PoptartsNinja
May 9, 2008

He is still almost definitely not a spy


Soiled Meat
I hope we get this far, please empower me!

PoptartsNinja fucked around with this message at 04:59 on May 10, 2021

Flergatron 3000
May 8, 2008

you look like a fool with those buns!
The ability to eat hot pockets without burning the roof of my mouth would be great TIA.

DrSnakeLaser
Sep 6, 2011


My username is practically a super villain already, gimme some of that RNG powers to seal the deal.

Asterite34
May 19, 2009



I can feel some strange unidentified power welling up within me... :ssj:

Rodney The Yam II
Mar 3, 2007




Whether or not you power me up, thank you deeply for this thread which is adding a lot to my day! I've chuckled---thrice!

post-apocalyptic erotica
Jan 28, 2013
I'm kind of worried to learn what you come up with for me

Smik
Mar 18, 2014

Flowers for QAnon posted:

Super power please

Flowers for QAnon you power is...

FLOWERS OF RECONSIDERATION!
- Whenever you give someone flowers they will reconsider a harmful life choice!
- This power gets stronger the more you practice it as the more ingrained the harmful choice the more difficult it is for it to be questioned, let alone reversed!

Only registered members can see post attachments!

Brutal Garcon
Nov 2, 2014



I promise to use my powers only for evil.

John Dyne
Jul 3, 2005

Well, fuck. Really?
Hit me with that super power.

You Are A Werewolf
Apr 26, 2010

Black Gold!

Flergatron 3000 posted:

The ability to eat hot pockets without burning the roof of my mouth would be great TIA.

Or eat Cap’n Crunch without cutting up the roof of your mouth.

Dixville
Nov 4, 2008

I don't think!
Ham Wrangler
Do it motherfucker I dare you

Elentor
Dec 14, 2004

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Smik where is my power motherfucker

Zulily Zoetrope
Jun 1, 2011

Muldoon
yeah sure

cake bunny
Oct 29, 2011

Like, what even IS power, maaaaaan?

BigBadSteve
Apr 29, 2009

I don't know what my super power could be other than tuggin'.

Nessus
Dec 22, 2003

After a Speaker vote, you may be entitled to a valuable coupon or voucher!



Smik posted:

Nessus your power is...

Indifference to Titanic Events!
- You can sense titanic events shortly before they occur and react with indifference!
- Indifference allows you to keep a calm head and react to said events without panic!
- Indifference also allows you to be calm enough to lie convincingly even if you've just recently been shot with a poisonous arrow that is causing you excruciating pain!
- Please note that Indifference interferes with fight-or-flight functions like adrenaline. Only use Indifference during times where panic would be detrimental. Ask your doctor if Indifference is right for you.


Beautiful. A future avatar for sure. May the space-deities requite thee abundantly.

Smik
Mar 18, 2014


Linux Pirate your power is...

ATTRACT PIRATES! (A terrible roll power)
- You attract all kinds of pirates! Sea pirates, air pirates, software pirates, booty pirates!
- All you do is draw the pirates, you have no control over the circumstances or how the pirates react to you!

Only registered members can see post attachments!

Smik
Mar 18, 2014


Knot My President! your power is...

INFLUENCE FURRIES!
- You have the ability to influence furries! The degree of your influence is proportionate to how furry the person is!

EXAMPLES:
- Not furry: no special influence.
- Very slightly furry, ie "The Thundercats are so hot!": very slight influence. You have a slight edge in arguments or to be considered a trusted source of information.
- Slightly furry, ie "I love monster girls": slight influence. You are more likely to win arguments/be a trusted source of information.
- Furry, ie "I want to bang Lola Bunny from Space Jam/Gadget from Rescue Rangers": You tend to win arguments and are considered a trusted source of information.
- Very Furry, ie "I go to furry conventions": You can easily influence them and are instantly trusted within the community.
- Dangerously Furry, ie "I wear a full fur suit at conventions and yiff like a... stereotypical furry at a furry convention": You are the head of their cult, like it or not.

You can stave off your power by consciously focusing "Do not influence the furries" when you're trying to keep a low profile. While you do not have the ability to "Detect Furry", you can tell when you're talking to one pretty quickly.

Only registered members can see post attachments!

Smik
Mar 18, 2014

You Are A Elf posted:

Hey, OP :wink:

Please give me some powers so that I may finally achieve omniscience.

You Are A Elf, you are also the possessor of...

ELFMORGRIFICATION!
- You can ELFMORGRIFY yourself and others into ELVES!
- Your power takes practice, and initially will be very random until you learn to control it!
- You can also attempt to reverse the elfmorgrification!

When ELFMORGRIFYING (or attempting to reverse), roll 1-100, and you may modify this roll by adding/subtracting points up to your SKILL rank:
1-10: Keebler Elf. Elf is approximately 60 cm/24 inches tall. Skilled at baking cookies. Obsessed with baking cookies. Physically stays the same except for pointed ears and whimsical clothing.
11-20: Shoemaker Elf. Divide height by half. Skilled at making shoes, can make 2D6 beautiful shoes per hour, does not need materials. Shoe & foot fetish. Physically stays the same except for pointed ears and whimsical clothing.
21-30: Herself the Elf, a line of elves directed at young girls by a greeting card company. Height reduced to 30 cm/12 inches tall, gender changed to female. Friends with all woodland animals; this gets complicated when some of your woodland friends eat each other. Functioning alcoholic.
31-40: Honk Elf. Add 30 cm/12 inches to height, reduce weight by 30%, skin becomes milky white, pointy ears. Develop sociopathic tendencies and a superiority complex to anyone not a Honk elf. Will try to murder Donk elves on sight. Will think they have magic powers.
41-50: Donk Elf. Add 30 cm/12 inches to height, reduce weight by 30%, skin becomes dark grey-blue, pointy ears. Develop sociopathic tendencies and a superiority complex to anyone not a Donk elf. Will try to murder Honk elves on sight. Will think they have magic powers.
51-60: Anime Elf. Automatically female. Reduce height by 30%, weight by 40%, breasts automatically C-cup, pointy ears, skin colour stays the same, blonde hair colour will become bright yellow, black becomes blue, brown becomes green, red becomes pink. Will speak like their dialogue was translated (even if Japanese).
61-70: Hentai Elf Type-1. Automatically female. Reduce height by 30%, weight by 40%, breasts automatically DD-cup, pointy ears, skin colour stays the same, blonde hair colour will become bright yellow, black becomes blue, brown becomes green, red becomes pink. Will speak like their dialogue was translated (even if Japanese). Sex drive doubled.
71-80: Santa's Elf. Divide height by half. Skilled at making just about anything. Pointed ears. Immune to cold. Obsessed with making toys and gaining the acceptance of immortal, fat bearded men or Odin.
81-99: Hyrule Elf. Reduce height by 30%. Pointed ears, perfect skin and hair, beautiful features. Lose the ability to speak except for excited cries. May have to kill an evil wizard.
100: FAERIE ELF - childlike, no gender, pointed ears, eldritch powers and immortal. Will lose 75% of all memories at midnight of every new year.

Only registered members can see post attachments!

Smik
Mar 18, 2014

The Hambulance posted:

I’d like a power, please.

The Hambulance, your power is...

HAMSUTATION!
- Transform any food into any kind of ham, pork or bacon!
- Anything you can safely eat qualifies as "food"!

It's not a complicated power, but it's a good one.

Only registered members can see post attachments!

Knot My President!
Jan 10, 2005

Smik posted:

Knot My President! your power is...

INFLUENCE FURRIES!
- You have the ability to influence furries! The degree of your influence is proportionate to how furry the person is!

EXAMPLES:
- Not furry: no special influence.
- Very slightly furry, ie "The Thundercats are so hot!": very slight influence. You have a slight edge in arguments or to be considered a trusted source of information.
- Slightly furry, ie "I love monster girls": slight influence. You are more likely to win arguments/be a trusted source of information.
- Furry, ie "I want to bang Lola Bunny from Space Jam/Gadget from Rescue Rangers": You tend to win arguments and are considered a trusted source of information.
- Very Furry, ie "I go to furry conventions": You can easily influence them and are instantly trusted within the community.
- Dangerously Furry, ie "I wear a full fur suit at conventions and yiff like a... stereotypical furry at a furry convention": You are the head of their cult, like it or not.

You can stave off your power by consciously focusing "Do not influence the furries" when you're trying to keep a low profile. While you do not have the ability to "Detect Furry", you can tell when you're talking to one pretty quickly.



Friends that wear masks at social gatherings? Friends that wanna gently caress the booby bunny honker hopper? Hell yeah I'll lead that cult ty

kntfkr
Feb 11, 2019

GOOSE FUCKER

Smik posted:

kntfkr your power is...

VOWEL DELETION!
- You can remove the vowels from printed pages, Internet posts, and from speech!
- This impacts a person's thought processes as well, which can confuse and disorient! People will also not be able to find vowels on keyboards or remember how to write them!
- You can cause people to not hear or see vowels!
- Wizards and English teachers hate you!



Thnks P!

Smik
Mar 18, 2014

SRQ posted:

My irl superpower is knowing the value of vintage computers by sight.

SRQ you are blessed with a legitimate A-Rank Super Power:

LIVING STAR SHIP TRANSFORMATION!
- Armed with multiple laser canons well beyond our current technology!
- Protected by a deflector shield that can defend against anything short of atomic warfare!
- Speedy enough to out-run atomic warfare!
- Capable of space flight!
- Your digestion system is cold fusion!
- Not good for fighting crime! You're a little too big and a little too shooty. Better suited for taking down evil empire fleets in fantastic shmups.

Only registered members can see post attachments!

SRQ
Nov 9, 2009

Smik posted:

SRQ you are blessed with a legitimate A-Rank Super Power:

LIVING STAR SHIP TRANSFORMATION!
- Armed with multiple laser canons well beyond our current technology!
- Protected by a deflector shield that can defend against anything short of atomic warfare!
- Speedy enough to out-run atomic warfare!
- Capable of space flight!
- Your digestion system is cold fusion!
- Not good for fighting crime! You're a little too big and a little too shooty. Better suited for taking down evil empire fleets in fantastic shmups.



I love you and thank you.

Smik
Mar 18, 2014

Droogie posted:

Fine, alright

Droogie your power is...

PACIFISM VOMIT!
- Whenever you vomit, it will pacify anyone around you!
- Those who were violent will vomit out their violence! The more violent they are, the more they will vomit!
- Those who are not violent at the time may vomit anyway but it will be regular vomit!
- Those who vomit out their violence will feel the need to just go home and forget about the day! You will too!

Only registered members can see post attachments!

Smik
Mar 18, 2014

Pot Smoke Phoenix posted:

I am so loving high right now

Pot Smoke Phoenix your power is...

TRANSFORM INTO POTNEIX, a B-Grade Super Power!
- Transform into a magical pot girl!
- Get really, really high!
- Make others extremely high in a considerable blast radius!
- It fights the crime! It fights the cops! It fights the productivity!
- Even when people know you're just there to stop them from doing something they are extremely reluctant to do anything about it!
- You'll need someone else to clean up the mess though, everyone else will be out of it for the rest of the day.
- Bottom-Left!

Only registered members can see post attachments!

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Smik
Mar 18, 2014

low key sex master posted:

Pls to give me a special power thxxx

low key sex master your power is...

ANTIBACTERIAL SECRETION!
- Your skin can secrete an antibacterial, viscous fluid that kills moulds, bacteria and single-celled organisms!
- It's sort of mildly salty!
- It's slippery enough that you can use it to escape predators if you leave your clothes behind!
- Let's face it, you're just going to use it for spermicidal lube.

Only registered members can see post attachments!

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