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I'm pretty sure I've seen people comment on this elsewhere, but it's interesting that Hanako seems to have a better time of it - and come out of her shell more - in Lilly's route than she does in her own route. (E.g. with the mention of her joining a club in Lilly's route.)
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Feb 9, 2022 05:41
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Antistar01 posted:I'm pretty sure I've seen people comment on this elsewhere, but it's interesting that Hanako seems to have a better time of it - and come out of her shell more - in Lilly's route than she does in her own route. (E.g. with the mention of her joining a club in Lilly's route.) I think I can field this one, having been the school loner in the past. Eventually, you start to get pretty comfortable with not having a lot of people around. Like, you very quickly begin to prefer having just one or two good friends over having lots of them, or, if one is lucky enough, a significant other. In Hanako's route, Hisao was (in his dumb, dumb way) pursuing her and just being friends with Lilly, so Hanako was probably perfectly content with that situation and didn't feel a need to join any clubs. In Lilly's route, she had to deal with the discomfort of watching her best friend and her crush get closer and closer together, which would motivate her to find some other people to hang out with, and a club is a convenient way to do that without having to find a way to break the ice. I'm guessing she didn't want to just be completely alone because then Lilly and Hisao would worry. It's actually not the best look to automatically equate "more social" with "more better". In Lilly's route, Hanako's coping with the disappointment of not getting the guy she liked by putting a bit of distance between herself and the happy couple. Not sure that's "better". Kind of reminds me of how everyone in high school assumed I was in some way bothered by spending most of my time alone, when it just gave me more time to read or play on my DS.
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Feb 9, 2022 06:50
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Falconier111 posted:For what it’s worth, I’m noticing a serious overlap in this thread between neurodivergence, gifted child status, a pervasive sense of personal failure, and struggling to reconcile yout emotions with how you conceive of emotions in others. I think there’s more going on here than just gifted child syndrome; that emotional alienation is a trademark result of authorities failing neurodivergents and I might be able to tease a disability corner out of mismatched expectations unintentionally traumatizing disabled kids. I’d say, based on those similarities, there’s a very good chance you do qualify. Laziness isn’t actually real, after all. I'm pretty late because I've been busy, but thanks.  I still can't really shake off the feeling that I'm a big faker, but to be truthful I've been thinking about this for several years now - I was doing some story writing for fun and included a character who was intended to be a cliche clumsy oddball. After a while though, it developed into writing a lot of introspection about how people in her life dismissed every sign of her distress as a moral failing and how she internalized it so thoroughly that she just gave up on putting effort into anything, which... got me wondering about myself. And I guess once I've been wondering for five years it's probably not some fleeting thought anymore...?  Life might be turning up for me soon, and maybe I can use that as a springboard to see if I can finally talk to someone and figure my poo poo out. Just having some kind of goal to work towards will help, I think.(Funnily enough, I originally based that character on Rin, among other inspirations. I rewrote her backstory all over again recently and I think she ended up taking some Emi traits too.) As for archiving my commentary, sure, I'm alright with that, and will be so going forward unless I say otherwise! Please credit me as just "M.F.", though. I haven't really shared much sensitive info nor do I plan to but some slight separation is still reassuring. - There's not a lot I can say about Lilly that either hasn't already been brought up or isn't connected to spoilers, but I remember ending with her route on my playthroughs too and thinking it was a good capstone, especially since I did Hanako's right before hers, and it made it interesting to see the differences in how they and Hisao all developed. MiracleFlare fucked around with this message at 09:19 on Feb 9, 2022 |
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Feb 9, 2022 09:14
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EclecticTastes posted:I think I can field this one, having been the school loner in the past. Eventually, you start to get pretty comfortable with not having a lot of people around. Like, you very quickly begin to prefer having just one or two good friends over having lots of them, or, if one is lucky enough, a significant other. In Hanako's route, Hisao was (in his dumb, dumb way) pursuing her and just being friends with Lilly, so Hanako was probably perfectly content with that situation and didn't feel a need to join any clubs. In Lilly's route, she had to deal with the discomfort of watching her best friend and her crush get closer and closer together, which would motivate her to find some other people to hang out with, and a club is a convenient way to do that without having to find a way to break the ice. I'm guessing she didn't want to just be completely alone because then Lilly and Hisao would worry. That is a good point, and I can certainly identify with doing social things I don't really want to do with the aim of maintaining friendships, or in the hopes of meeting someone in a romantic sense. All that time spent uncomfortably clubbing when I was at Uni, ugh. (Though that was in the "before being diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder" times.) I was considering her seeming to have a "better" time of it separately to being more social - and thinking it seemed better since in Lilly's route she doesn't have a really bad panic attack in class. ... That we know about, to be fair. The times when she just quietly got up and left the class would make sense as being in response to panic attacks.
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Feb 9, 2022 10:27
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Antistar01 posted:That is a good point, and I can certainly identify with doing social things I don't really want to do with the aim of maintaining friendships, or in the hopes of meeting someone in a romantic sense. All that time spent uncomfortably clubbing when I was at Uni, ugh. (Though that was in the "before being diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder" times.) Yeah, keep in mind that the panic attack during Hanako's route happened under specific circumstances that we've not seen in Lilly's route. But it's entirely possible that Hanako, in looking for ways to be less dependent on Lilly and Hisao, has overcome some of her anxiety issues in a different way. I'd say that Hanako was in a similarly good place in relation to her anxiety by the end of her route, she just took a bit longer to get there because most of the route saw her dealing with the tumult of a budding relationship and Hisao's various dumb mistakes. Hell, without Hisao around to distract her and also kind of push her down a bad path with his misguided support, Rin's probably already figured out that the whole gallery thing isn't for her and noped out of the whole situation.
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Feb 9, 2022 11:07
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Antistar01 posted:That is a good point, and I can certainly identify with doing social things I don't really want to do with the aim of maintaining friendships, or in the hopes of meeting someone in a romantic sense. All that time spent uncomfortably clubbing when I was at Uni, ugh. (Though that was in the "before being diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder" times.) I know Yamaku’s support is inconsistent at best, but if Hanako’s having panic attacks that frequently there’s something much deeper going wrong. The last time I had panic attacks on a near-weekly basis I gave myself early-onset arthritis. EclecticTastes posted:Yeah, keep in mind that the panic attack during Hanako's route happened under specific circumstances that we've not seen in Lilly's route. But it's entirely possible that Hanako, in looking for ways to be less dependent on Lilly and Hisao, has overcome some of her anxiety issues in a different way. I'd say that Hanako was in a similarly good place in relation to her anxiety by the end of her route, she just took a bit longer to get there because most of the route saw her dealing with the tumult of a budding relationship and Hisao's various dumb mistakes. Hell, without Hisao around to distract her and also kind of push her down a bad path with his misguided support, Rin's probably already figured out that the whole gallery thing isn't for her and noped out of the whole situation. So Hanako’s route basically had her speedrunning her anxiety issues? That actually kind of makes sense, no wonder it was so full of fireworks.
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Feb 9, 2022 16:51
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Update 119: Correct Procedure (Act 4, Scene 3) Katawa Shoujo OST ~ Passing of Time .png) (Silence) I stand unmoving in front of the door to the nurse's office for what feels like at least a dozen minutes or so. It's not like I never entered the small, beige room before, nor is it because of any feeling of childlike anxiety over the visit. Maybe it's because the nurse's office is akin to a confessional, an admission that my body is flawed. The knowledge that such a fact is kept entirely confidential between the nurse and I hardly lessens the feeling. Remembering that the bell to signal the end of lunch break will sound soon, I give a sigh and open the door. The burden will stay with me just this while longer. Katawa Shoujo OST - Ah Eh I Oh You .png)  NURSE: "Well now, if it isn't Nakai. Good to see you. Or bad, I guess, considering that I'm a nurse." He gives a small laugh, amused at his little joke. I find his humor lacking and somewhat off, but the fact that he can make light of such a situation is perhaps comforting, or at least distracting. His brief episode of entertainment over, he claps his hands together and gets down to business. I take a seat as he gestures for me to do so. I wish the classrooms had seats this comfortable. I can feel my mind wandering as my eyes quickly scan the room, distracted by all the small changes since I last came. NURSE: "Alrighty, so what brings you here? I haven't seen you often, so I assume your health's been good so far?"  HISAO: "Well, mostly." NURSE: "I see." (Silence) His smile drops as I trail off. I feel slightly guilty about it. It's these moments where I can't rationally call myself “normal” that make me so reluctant to see the nurse. They're an admission that I'm different from everyone else. HISAO: "While I was on a trip during the long weekend, I had a few problems with my heart." He hums very seriously and nods as he does so, urging me to go on. HISAO: "I think it was... yeah, it was as I was walking a fairly long distance. I think the right term for it is a heart flutter. I suddenly went weak at the knees and felt almost like I was having a small heart attack, but it passed in about half a minute. Even afterward though, I felt pretty fatigued and nauseous." NURSE: "Hrm. Not good. Not good at all. That was how many days ago, exactly? Did you do anything unusual, aside from exerting yourself, before the episode? Were you taking your medication properly?" The nurse switches from awkward jokester to serious health professional mode, rattling off questions, making notes, and calling up stuff on his computer. I tell him about my forgetting to take my pills that morning, and the preceding evening. It was a stupid thing to do, but I can't change anything about it now, except answer honestly and bite the bullet. His seriousness evolves into a frown, and the talk evolves into an instant checkup. I finish buttoning up my shirt and again get motioned to take a seat in front of the nurse. NURSE: "Is this the first heart problem you've had since coming to Yamaku?" HISAO: "I've had short pains in my chest before, just a couple of times, but they were more discomfort than anything like this." He leans back in his chair, briefly resembling a white-coated Poirot as he mulls over the mysterious case of the heart flutter. Moving his lips from side to side to show he's thinking, his nonexistent mustache wiggling, he eventually comes to a conclusion. Katawa Shoujo OST - Ah Eh I Oh You NURSE: "Well, you survived it. That's always on the plus side." I blink at this one, then notice the nurse wearing his “got you” face. It's actually somewhat reassuring. I don't think he would crack jokes if things were really serious, so I keep silent and take my lumps. NURSE: "I'll have a talk with your doctor, but right now I suspect it's simply due to physical exertion. Have you been keeping up with regular light exercise like I directed you to?" HISAO: "I make sure to walk a reasonable amount every day. It's usually enough to work up a bit of a sweat, but then again I'm not really as fit as I used to be." NURSE: "That should be enough, then. The main thing to keep in mind is to do regular low-stress exercise, not short bursts of sprinting and such." HISAO: "I understand. Since leaving the hospital I've been a lot more focused on my studies, partly to take my mind off not being able to do more physical things." NURSE: "It's good to hear you're coping well. Sudden lifestyle changes can be hard at the best of times, so I'm pleased to hear that you sound like you have everything in order. Almost everything, that is. Nevertheless, I want to keep a close eye on you for a while, just for observation's sake. Just to make sure things aren't going downhill, you understand." That's something I really didn't want to hear. Since coming to Yamaku, all I've wanted to do is live as normal a life as possible. “Observation” was one of the words I came to hate most during my hospital stay. For so long I felt as if I could have just walked straight out the hospital doors, if not for that “observation” the doctors wanted so dearly. HISAO: "Sure. Should I come in more often?" He checks the calendar next to his computer, which seems to inflict on him a nasty case of furrowed brow. He spins back towards me after that. NURSE: "The summer holidays are a bit of a pain, considering the timing... I'll check with your doctor to try and get a better handle on the situation and see how he wants to proceed, but I think you should just take things slowly and carefully for now. What you're describing doesn't immediately sound like a recurring event, but it won't hurt to slow down a bit for a while, just to make sure." HISAO: "What should I do for today?" He looks over my shoulder at a clock hanging over the door. I'd never have noticed it if I hadn't followed his gaze. NURSE: "It's nearly time for school to be over, so you may as well just leave early." He gives me a sly wink, making sure that I understand he's doing me a favor. HISAO: "Well, nurse's orders. Thanks." NURSE: "That's what I'm here for, after all. I know you might not want to hear this, but you can't ignore your condition. Don't hesitate to see me if you have any further problems, or if you just have anything you want to ask. Bye." (Silence) He spins around and gets back to typing on the computer in front of him. I suppose I'll just read before waiting for Lilly by the gate, considering I don't have much else to do. Even as I leave, his words echo in my mind. My condition isn't something as limiting as many of the others here in Yamaku, and I don't want to burden Lilly with thinking about it. If I just live life normally and avoid any short, sharp shocks, I should be okay. I won't let my condition rule me. Katawa Shoujo OST - Afternoon .png) Lilly comes into view soon after the bells heralding the end of the school day ring out. She says farewell to a number of her classmates headed in the other direction, before beginning her weekly trip to the convenience store. HISAO: "Afternoon, Lilly." The immediate warm smile and relaxed demeanor she assumes upon noticing my presence are unexpectedly welcome.  LILLY: "Hello, Hisao. Good afternoon to you too." She hesitates for a second, but eventually deigns to tilt her face forward and close her eyes. My lips meet hers with a measure of slight trepidation before we move off, hand in hand. The fact that we're so close in height is somewhat useful at times, there being no need for either of us to turn our head upwards nor downwards in order to meet the other's. It doesn't take much time to leave the noise of the other students far behind us, the tapping of Lilly's cane in her free hand the only sound to be heard. Silence, blissful silence, is all that greets us while we slowly walk in the setting sun's light. HISAO: "I think I'm coming to really like this town. The huge, green, hilly expanse, the trees everywhere, the somewhat rustic little buildings..." .png) LILLY: "So you've come to appreciate the tranquility of it as well?" HISAO: "I think so. I came from a metropolitan city near Tokyo, so the quiet of this town really alienated me when I first arrived. After a while it became really nice, though. I think I prefer it to the hustle and bustle of my home city now." LILLY: "While I preferred the quiet of such a rural town even when I first arrived, I suppose I had the advantage of growing up in a quiet area before I came. Hanako said the surroundings are very pretty, too." Lilly may say such a thing quite easily, but each time she mentions how others describe sights around her as beautiful or pretty, I feel a little put off. I notice her expression becoming one of anticipation for some question or another. She always had a good sense for when somebody's not saying something that's on their mind, so I may as well speak up. HISAO: "I was kind of wondering... uh, how to put this... Do you ever... regret that you can't see what things look like for yourself? It's just something I've been thinking about." She thinks carefully for a time. LILLY: "Do you ever regret that you can't hear people whispering on the other side of a room? I can only speak for myself, but the fact that I can't see is the only way I've experienced life. Just as I cannot do something you can, you can't do something that I'm capable of. The fact that the world is made for those who are sighted can be a pain sometimes, but there are many, many people who suffer much more than I because of the way the world is." HISAO: "That does make sense, but still, it just feels kind of bad to describe something that you can't experience to you." She tilts her head quizzically, as if I'd just said something that makes very little sense at all. .png) LILLY: "But I can experience it. You just said yourself that you like this area because of the way the surroundings are. I like this area for the very same reason. Thanks to the fact that this is a small rustic town surrounded by trees, it gives some peace and quiet away from the din at school and the bustle, not to mention the smells, of the city." I suppose it would also be much like the home she shared with Akira, as well. Her outlook on it seems pretty sensible, and I'm not surprised that she's got a much better handle on her particular condition than I do on mine. Just like how her coming from a location somewhat similar to Yamaku's surroundings let her become more acclimatized in a shorter time, being born blind affected her stance, by her own admission. I should stop being so annoyed with myself over it, but I can't shake the feeling that I've depended on Lilly far too much, given the circumstances most have had to deal with in Yamaku. HISAO: "That makes a lot of sense. You're pretty good at explaining, as always. Come to think of it, where is Hanako anyway? She was with us for lunch.” LILLY: "It seems she's busy studying. The exams are far from over, and she said she wants to do better this year than the last." HISAO: "While I admire her work ethic, she's really been trying to give us a lot of room alone recently." LILLY: "She's that type of person, I think; the kind that puts others' needs above her own at every chance. She's a sweet girl, even though so much has hurt her in the past. I don't know... I feel like it's only now, when she's less close to me than ever, that she's truly finding herself. It was thanks to you that she began to become more confident, after all, not me." I take my hand from hers and gently place it on her head. HISAO: "The important thing is that you were there for her. I can't even imagine what she'd be like without having found someone like you. That much became obvious while you were in Scotland. We're all still friends, so we've just got to have faith in her. I think she'll become a good person, and that much is thanks to you being there for her when she most needed it, just as you were there for me." LILLY: "It makes me feel a bit childish when you sound so wise." HISAO: "Well, I try. Are you doing anything on the weekend, by any chance?" LILLY: "Nothing that comes to mind. Why?" HISAO: "Then how about a date on Sunday? It'd be something to do besides exam preparation." Countering my rapidly beating heart, she simply smiles and nods. LILLY: "That would be lovely." HISAO: "Where would you like to go?" Her face suddenly changes to one of disapproval. LILLY: "You can't do that, Hisao. That's cheating." HISAO: "Do what?" LILLY: "A gentleman should never ask a lady where to have a date." HISAO: "Ah... oh." Her smile quickly comes back, assuring me that she's far from serious. LILLY: "Don't worry about it. I'll think about where we could go." HISAO: "I'll leave it to you, then. I promise to decide on the next date, though." (Silence) With our plans for the weekend made, the rest of the walk down the hill continues in silence. The prospect of that lasting for any length of time, however, is shattered as I catch sight of a familiar figure waiting for us, her hand held high. .png)  AKIRA: "Yo." Katawa Shoujo OST - Daylight STOREWOMAN: "Thank you, please come again!" The change in temperature as I step outside from the convenience store sends a chill up my spine. It feels like summer's starting to wind down. Looking to my side, the same feeling seems to affect Lilly as well, though unlike me she doesn't manage to hide the fact. Something I didn't realize at first was how physically delicate she is, even compared to the likes of Hanako. If I had to describe her, I'd have to say that she reminds me of a china doll. .png)  Akira’s sprite pops in behind Lilly’s and they both shake before they separate. Lilly’s face goes from cheerful to dismayed. Akira walks up behind her and gives a couple of hard pats on her shoulder, much to Lilly's consternation. For a moment she looks as envious of my status as an only child as I am of their close relationship. They talk between themselves for a few moments as I sort out my bags, their voices too low for me to catch, but eventually they break off and we begin the walk back to school. AKIRA: "Ah, it feels good to be out of that damned office. You kids don't know how good you have it here." LILLY: "Kids..." AKIRA: "Tsch. “You two,” then. Kids grow up so fast, nowadays." LILLY: "You're not old enough to say that." AKIRA: "I don't know. Being around Hideaki makes me feel damned old; he's so precocious he reminds me of you when you were younger." LILLY: "He's a nice boy. It would be a shame if Shizune comes to have too much of an influence on him." Akira gives an amused snort at her sister's antipathy. She really doesn't seem to regard it as anything to make a serious fuss about, treating it more like a childhood spat. She looks over to me, apparently only just remembering that I'm here, and gives a small grin as she reaches towards her back pocket. HISAO: "What is it?" AKIRA: "Just a sec, let me dig it out..." After quite some difficulty, she manages to retrieve her black leather wallet from her back pocket, quickly fishing out what looks to be a folded square of paper. With Lilly all but unaware of what's happening, Akira unfolds the scrap and hands it to me. .png) An old photo of... what looks to be a younger Lilly and Shizune operating a noodle stall, with some other girl in the background. She looks vaguely familiar, but I can't quite pinpoint why. LILLY: "What is it, Akira?" AKIRA: "I think you know." Lilly mulls this over for a few moments before realization dawns on her. LILLY: "Akira... you really needn't..." AKIRA: "It's fine, isn't it? Besides, it's like the only photo I have of you two since you entered Yamaku where you're not at each other's throats." I look back down to the photo in my hand. It does seem strange to see Lilly and Shizune working together so dilligently without any sign of animosity. If the photo's of them during Yamaku's festival, that means it must have been taken one or two years ago. In other words, the time when they were both in the Student Council together. HISAO: "Who's the girl in the back? She looks kind of familiar." AKIRA: "Hah, I knew you wouldn't recognize her. It's Misha before she went and dyed her hair pink." HISAO: "That's Misha? No way..." It feels extremely strange to see Misha without her so very distinctive hairstyle. Judging from Akira's tone, she doesn't take favorably to Misha's idea of fashion. I suppose that fact just accentuates how odd the situation looks. To think they were so friendly in the past... I wish I could do something to mend their relationship. LILLY: "You're being very quiet, Hisao." HISAO: "It just feels kinda strange to see you all so friendly like this." Lilly moves to say something, but stops herself. In the end, this isn't a matter for me; it's between Shizune and Lilly, and nobody else. LILLY: "Things change. Unfortunately." (Silence) I hand the photo back to Akira, who sighs as she folds it up and slides it back into her wallet. A little memory, quietly hidden away, to be pulled out again some time later. AKIRA: "Yeah, that they do." Initially I think Akira's reaction to be simply in response to the situation between Lilly and Shizune, but she looks oddly glum compared to what I'd expect. Lilly's expression has clouded as well. HISAO: "What's wrong?" AKIRA: "Ah, it's just that I'll be going to Scotland fairly soon." HISAO: "You're leaving for Scotland again?" For a long moment, Akira looks surprised. It's an ill-fitting expression for her. After a glance at Lilly, she turns back to me as if she'd never done so. AKIRA: "Yeah. In a couple of weeks I'll be leaving for Inverness to work at the company's headquarters. It's a pretty big jump in corporate position, and it's not a chance that's going to come again." So Akira's going to leave Japan, on what seems to be a permanent basis... I can't help feeling that my assumption that we could all happily while away our days, having fun in this isolated little world, is coming to an end. It's unsettling. I look at Lilly, mildly surprised that she hasn't told me such a thing despite usually being so forthcoming. She continues to walk with her face fixedly pointed ahead. I can't read her expression, nor can I even guess what's on her mind, which is discomforting given how it's usually easy for me to do both. It reminds me of the time when we met at the Shanghai, just before what could be called our first date. At the time, all I could do was comfort her without knowing the cause, and now feels no different. .png) As we finally reach the school dormitories once again, there's a somewhat awkward silence. I don't think I'm the only one who feels it. HISAO: "See you tomorrow then, Lilly. Bye, Akira." LILLY: "Good night, Hisao." AKIRA: "Seeya." And with that, they walk to the female dormitories. Opening the door to the male dormitories, I stop and look back at them just moments before their figures disappear behind the heavy wooden door. That was... a strange moment when Akira said she was leaving. While that wasn't the first time when my thoughts regarding my new life have been called into question, it's perhaps the first time to do it quite so profoundly. I still don't know what to make of Akira's reaction, much less of Lilly's. The night's chill reminds me to get back to my room before I catch something, my bags pulling down on my arms with seemingly redoubled weight. If nothing else, I have a date with her set up for the weekend. I just need to stop overthinking stuff and get on with things as they are. The exams are still ongoing, after all, and with the trimester's end and the summer holidays beginning soon, there'll be plenty to keep me busy for a while. As I give a yawn and retreat inside, my thoughts turn to what Lilly will decide to set as the location of our weekend rendezvous.
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Feb 9, 2022 20:16
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As a side note: would anyone here happen to know anything about working with Ren'py, specifically getting the written script out of a project? Asking for a friend.
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Feb 9, 2022 20:17
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Falconier111 posted:As a side note: would anyone here happen to know anything about working with Ren'py, specifically getting the written script out of a project? Asking for a friend. Yes, I've done it before. PM me. (Or, if you feel like some DIY, try this tool: https://github.com/Lattyware/unrpa)
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Feb 9, 2022 20:31
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This version of nurse is weirding me out
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Feb 9, 2022 23:02
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Did the text change? I've been looking for one line, but can't find it. It's Hisao's narrative musing about the image Lilly presents, but I cannot remember exactly what, even enough to ctrl+F. No idea what I posted, but you have my permission to share it.
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Feb 10, 2022 05:40
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This entire response has been edited to include my citations, references, and some links on Feb 13 2022 @ 1409hrs Eastern standard time. This thread has meant a lot to me personally, so I wanted to contribute with something near and dear to my heart. I hope this presents it in the same respectful manner of everyone else in the thread. Trigger warning for child abuse in a general sense. Disabled children are more likely to be abused/have been abused (Brittain & Hunt, 2004, p. 281). There are a lot of factors that go into this. However, the two factors that horrify/fascinate me the most is that 1) if disability put additional stress on the caretakers (Brittain & Hunt, 2004, p. 281) and 2) that people that grew up in abusive household are about 4,600% more likely to abuse substances (Big Think, 2015) [I am pretty sure this man is one of the doctors that made the ACE study possible, based his patient story] or have issues with attachment or poor parenting skills, thanks to their parenting models being substandard (Crosson-Towers, 2021, p. 409)2, which can create disability in their children as the proper conditions for development are not provided (Brittain & Hunt, 2004, p. 287)3. Not to mention, that the standard illnesses abused children present- poorly-controlled asthma, chronic ear-infections, obesity, stomach issues (Harris, 2019, p. 143)- are disabilities themselves or can create disabilities down the line. Chronic stomach issues can create problems absorbing nutrients; ear infections can cause hearing loss, etc. Also, the chronic toxic stress (or a child with a life-threatening illness like asthma) an abuse child faces changes how your body responds to stimuli on a genetic (and epigenetic) level, which makes kids more prone to develop auto-immune disorders (Harris, 2019, pp 83-87). This horrible positive feedback loop between poor health (and disability) and abuse (and toxic stress) was identified thanks to the Adverse Childhood Experiences Questionnaire (Felitt et al., 1998) and a few dedicated doctors. [If you want a good layman understand of the science behind this interplay Dr. Nadine Burke Harris’s “The Deepest Well” is incredibly detailed and insightful; this is decent summary/reflection from a blog https://vialogue.wordpress.com/2021/03/23/the-deepest-well-reflections-notes/ .] However, doctors are only recently paying attention to how ACEs effect their patient’s health. Most people will be able to say they have at least 1 ACE, but people that can say they have 4 or more really need to find doctors that understand the impact of ACEs on health. People with 4+ ACES are 2 times more likely to have heart disease; 3 more times likely to develop cancers; likely to live 10 years less than those with less than 4 ACEs (Stopabusecampaign. n.d.). I scored 9/10 on the ACEs Questionnaire by the time I was 13; I probably scored 5/10 by the time I was 2. (My symptoms would often present atypically as well, so getting doctors to recognize and properly treat my diseases/conditions was an entire other thing that doesn’t have much bearing on this topic.) I am in my 30s now and have been diagnosed with 7 different diseases (and am undergoing testing to identify more, like why I can no longer process/absorb? Vit D and B12), 3 of which are recognized as disabilities by the ADA. I had all the abuse-illness noted above as a child, and have some disabilities related to them. Here is the basic ACE questionnaire: https://acestoohigh.com/got-your-ace-score/ References: Acestoohigh.com (n.d.). What aces/pces do you have? https://acestoohigh.com/got-your-ace-score/ Brittain, C. & Hunt, D. (Eds.). (2004). Helping in child protective services. Oxford University Press. Crosson-Towers, C. (2021). Understanding child abuse and neglect (10th ed.). Pearson. Harris, N. (2019). The deepest well. Healing the long-term effects of childhood adversity. Mariner Books. Felitti, V., et al. (1998). Relationship of childhood abuse and household dysfunction to many of the leading causes of death in adults. The adverse childhood experiences (ACE) study. American Journal of Preventive Medicine, 14(4), 245-258. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/9635069/ Stopabusecampaign. (n.d.). What does your ace score mean?. https://stopabusecampaign.org/take-your-ace-test/what-does-your-ace-score-mean/ The citation appended numbers correspond to the studies that those authors cited for that citation: 1 Sullivan and Knutson. (2000). Maltreatment, competency deficits, and risk for academic and behavioral maladjustment. Developmental Psychology, 37(1), 3-17. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/11206431/ 2 Helfer. (1978). Childhood comes first: A crash course in childhood for adults. East Lansing, MI: Ray E. Helfer. 3 Oroy. (2002). The effects of alcohol and illicit drugs on the human embryo and fetus. Israel Journal of Psychatriy and Related Sciences, 39(2), 120-132 https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12227227/; Autti-Ramo. (2000). Twelve-year follow-up of children exposed to alcohol in utero. Developmental Medicine and Child Neurology, 42, 406-411 https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10875527/; Garbarino & Garbarino. (1986). Emotional maltreatment of children. Chicago: National Committee for the Prevention of Child Abuse https://www.ojp.gov/ncjrs/virtual-library/abstracts/emotional-maltreatment-children-second-edition; De Bellis et al. (2002). Brain structures in pediatric maltreatment-related posttraumatic stress disorder: A sociodemographiclally matched study. Biological Psychiatry, 52(11), 1066-1078 https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12460690/. Garden of Kida fucked around with this message at 20:14 on Feb 13, 2022 |
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Feb 11, 2022 02:56
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Your links didn’t take; you have to enter them with BBcode tags (check the BBcode button under the text body while posting or editing for a guide). I would appreciate it if you had the time to add them back in, I could probably use some of those studies.
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Feb 11, 2022 06:32
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Falconier111 posted:I know Yamaku’s support is inconsistent at best, but if Hanako’s having panic attacks that frequently there’s something much deeper going wrong. The last time I had panic attacks on a near-weekly basis I gave myself early-onset arthritis. It's unfortunately all too easy for me to imagine how this might happen (with Hanako). I think I mentioned this earlier in the thread, but I had a lot of panic attacks at high school, and there was a period of several months when I was 15 or so when they just didn't stop; it was like one big uninterrupted panic attack that went on for months. A minute can feel like an hour in the middle of a panic attack (at least that's how it is for me), so those months in the middle of high school felt like they lasted years and years. I guess my body reacted like it was years and years too; I also developed arthritis at a young age, funnily enough! Psoriatic arthritis at nineteen. (Also my hair starting to turn grey at seventeen, of course... can't forget that.) But that's one of the nasty things with Social Anxiety Disorder (that I also think I mentioned earlier in the thread); you're good at hiding that kind of suffering, because you don't want to attract attention.
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Feb 11, 2022 08:01
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Update 120: Out and About (Act 4, Scene 4) Katawa Shoujo OST ~ Passing of Time .png) Katawa Shoujo OST - Red Velvet .png) I'm pretty sure this is about the last thing I had in mind when Lilly said she'd decide where to have our date. No man nor woman is dressed in anything but their finest, their formality only matched by that of their surroundings; rich red wallpaper adorns the walls as the city lights far below flicker and glow. Combined with the ambient hum of quiet speech and the high-pitched clattering of cutlery and wineglasses, the mood is very formal, yet relaxed enough for me not to feel too uptight despite this being our first real date. Once we get seated, our waiter leaves to attend to others with a quick bow, after an appreciative nod from Lilly. Far from depending on my help, Lilly's managed to navigate herself around surprisingly easily so far, despite the unfamiliar environment. A light brush here and there, and she's generally quite deft at orienting herself as needed. .png) My eyes look to Lilly's. I can tell from her face that she's listening to her surroundings just as hard as I'm looking. Though truth be told, my eyes are lingering on her each time they sweep across the room. The red cheongsam she's wearing accentuates her figure very well and shows off her legs. Even her hair is done up, and the scent of perfume is just noticeable. While my black suit may be a rental, I managed to select an appropriate one. It feels surprisingly comfortable considering I've so rarely worn one, and fits the setting just as well as Lilly's attire. HISAO: "I guess this is a new experience for both of us, then?" She turns somewhat sheepish. LILLY: "I've never come to a place such as this before, no." HISAO: "One hell of a first date, that's for sure. It's going to be pretty hard for me to top this." A small giggle. Even now, our nervousness is dissipating. Her hand skates along the center of the table until it touches the menu, which she takes in both hands and brings to her face. LILLY: "Um, Hisao?" As she lowers the beige, laminated sheet just below her eyes, I can see another sheepish look. I doubt asking the waiter for a menu in Braille would be productive. HISAO: "I can read it out for you, no problem." .png) I take mine and give it a quick read, my small grin faltering. HISAO: "Er, perhaps there is." LILLY: "What's wrong?" HISAO: "There are quite a few items on here... and I'm not completely sure how to pronounce a couple of them." One fine cuisine after another is listed. Most may be in Japanese, but a few are in English and French. I guess it's to be expected, but I have no idea what's in some of these. Oh, this one I recognize. Wait, hang on... HISAO: “...You can cook that?” A small giggle of amusement comes from behind the paper sheet. HISAO: "Well, I could read them all out, but it'd take a few hours." LILLY: "Is there anything with some kind of fish in it?" HISAO: "Let's see..." No. No. No. No. Aren't those poisonous? No. No. No. They eat that stuff? No. No. No. No... Ah, here we go. HISAO: "A tuna salad seems to be a good bet. From the picture, it looks like it'd be pretty filling as well." LILLY: "That seems to be a reasonably safe option." HISAO: "Let's order two, then. I'm pretty sure a couple of these dishes are from poisonous animals. I've had enough deadly run-ins for now." Lilly maintains a smile, but there's a distinct lack of laughter. Black humor mustn't be her cup of tea, though to be honest I don't find it exceedingly funny either. LILLY: "There are certainly quite a few interesting smells wafting about. The same is true of the sights, I assume." HISAO: "I've never been anywhere quite like this. A fancy Japanese teahouse on an occasion or two, but never anything this lavish nor European in styling." Before another word can be said, a portly waiter in a distressingly tight vest appears at our table to take our orders. HISAO: "Provençal Tuna Salade Niçoise, please. Two." I hope I didn't mess up the pronunciation of that too badly. Even if I did, he doesn't show it. LILLY: "And may I have a glass of Chardonnay, please. Hisao?" HISAO: "Oh, uh, the same." As the waiter nods and leaves, I suddenly realize what I said by absentmindedly mimicking Lilly's answer. I regret it pretty quickly. HISAO: "Alcohol..." LILLY: "Only a bit." This girl has an odd propensity to getting hooked on things, I swear. HISAO: "Surprising that they didn't ask for identification. Then again, I guess we both do look mature for our age." LILLY: "I'll have to take your word for it. I'll add that this isn't what I'd call the type of place to ask such things, though." HISAO: "Good point." We both relax a little into our seats, trying to take our minds off the choking formality of the surroundings. As soon as we do, the same waiter reappears at our table with two empty glasses and a bottle, the contents of which are quickly and professionally poured into the former. .png) We both nod politely as he leaves, Lilly taking her glass and gently moving it from side to side. The liquid inside glistens as it moves around in the glass, and I have to admit it makes me a little less regretful for ordering the same. I guess it must take effort to judge how the liquid inside is acting based only on its center of balance. Maybe it's like her origami; taking every little chance to practice her dexterity. HISAO: "I guess I'm not surprised that you know about a place like this. Those who have money would, I suppose." This reminds me of just how completely different our upbringings were. In Yamaku, it's easy to forget about social and economic disparity between students all wearing the same uniforms, living in the same dormitories. LILLY: "Well, Akira was the one to tell me of it. She's come here before, apparently." So that's what they were conspiring about on Friday. HISAO: "And you chastise me for cheating?" LILLY: "That's not cheating. It's simply making use of personal contacts." HISAO: "If you say so. Still, I get the feeling that you're more familiar with this kind of restaurant than I am." She pauses a moment, a wistful look on her face, before softly smiling. The compliment seems to brighten her mood. .png) LILLY: "You can thank my former school for that. If I were to appear any less, they'd be gravely disappointed." She has mentioned her previous schooling before, but now I'm kind of curious. She seems to think a lot about her past, so I don't see any problem in asking. HISAO: "What was that like?" LILLY: "It was prestigious, all-girls and Catholic; these facts made my parents choose it for me. Many wealthy families sent their daughters there." HISAO: "From how it sounds, life there must've been pretty strict." LILLY: "I wouldn't say it was a bad experience... but you're quite right; it was very strict. Thankfully, I managed to adapt well enough and make a number of friends. Unfortunately, the same can't be said for my sister. She found the atmosphere and religious aspect suffocating, and ended up leaving for a job as soon as she was able to." She gives a small, self-deprecating chuckle. LILLY: "I shouldn't complain about it though. Not many even have the chance to go to such a school." HISAO: "Do you... resent your parents for sending you there, then leaving?" She gently shakes her head. LILLY: "My family is highly patriarchal. My father, business always on his mind, was entirely lost as to what to do with me. In the end, he made the decision that my education was of higher priority than staying with the family. He simply did what he thought was best." To say such things so easily. What an unbelievable girl. That said, I'm a little surprised she doesn't think her blindness played any part at all... though maybe I'm being too harsh on her family. .png) HISAO: "You're too kind-hearted, you know that?" LILLY: "Hmm?" HISAO: "Most would hate their parents for something like that." LILLY: "Well, some do..." Oblivious to my raised eyebrow, she takes a sip from her glass. The wine slips down effortlessly, her fondness for it evidently helping her deal with the flavor of alcohol. I can't say the same goes for me. LILLY: "What of yourself? What was your schooling like?" HISAO: "Mine? Let's see... It was a fairly normal public school, I suppose, maybe a bit busier than the norm. I did quite well in class and played in the soccer club. Since I am an only child and my parents both worked a lot, I wasted most of my free time and money at the arcade with my three friends. No matter how much I played, though, I never did manage to beat Mai at any of those machines. Even Takumi and Shin lost to her whenever they tried. Then I'd be left trying to be the responsible adult when Shin and Mai fought. Again. Just the four of us, aimlessly enjoying our childhood. Those were some pretty silly times." I catch myself as I realize that I'm starting to zone out, the days of my old school disappearing to the night sky and bright city lights outside the window. Lilly's face is an odd mixture of curiosity and sympathy. Given her strict schooling, I suppose something like this would seem an interesting contrast to the only life she's known. LILLY: "It sounds like your previous school was a lot of fun." HISAO: "I'm not really sure how much of it is nostalgia, but there are some nice memories. That's in the past though. I can't go back there now, but through my accident I found a new life I'd never have imagined leading. The peace and calm of Yamaku, a new direction for my future in science, the friendship of Shizune, Misha and Hanako, and most of all, you." .png) She gives a deep, genuine smile as she moves her hands towards me, her fingers just lightly searching out my face before softly caressing my cheek. Her hand reluctantly retreats after a second of warm silence, as we notice the waiter arriving with our meals. Lilly does a deft job of covering her condition, except for the fact that her nod to him is slightly misaligned due to his silence. She really seems to work hard at appearing as normal as possible in public. While I noticed it long ago, I still can't quite gauge whether it's a want to not be treated differently, a slight sense of vanity, or some mixture of both. The dish served lives up to the salad name, and the portion's pleasantly large. With sliced eggs and tomato, it looks very enticing indeed. Lilly takes her knife in one hand and fork in the other, quickly getting to work on the dish as I do. It's later than when we usually have dinner, so we're both eager to dig in. .png) My cautious skewering of leaves and vaguely meat-like squares with my fork is matched by Lilly's silent and measured prodding and chewing. An occasional tap around the sides of a piece of the food to work out its edges is the only giveaway to her lack of sight. I'm done with my meal in little time, Lilly taking the last few bites as I sit observing her. LILLY: "Finished, Hisao?" HISAO: "Yeah. It was pretty nice." That much is very true. I never thought a simple salad could be so tasty and filling, but then again, I suppose that's why it costs so much to eat here. Content with my appraisal, and evidently agreeing, Lilly gives a small nod. HISAO: "You know, given that you're part foreign, exotic-looking and quite pretty, I'm surprised that nobody's ever confessed to you before." LILLY: "You're assuming nobody did." The simple statement takes me off guard. I shouldn't be surprised, given that I was complimenting her just moments before. HISAO: "Really?" LILLY: "I've received several confessions, both in this school and my previous one. Adolescence is a funny time." She's kinda talking as if she's above it herself... HISAO: "Huh. How easily you say such a thing." Lilly looks surprised for a moment, before a playful smirk covers her face. LILLY: "Is that... jealousy?" HISAO: "What? No. It isn't." LILLY: "You're a bad liar, Hisao. You should take that into account. Then again, I do appreciate how sincere you are. Even if you don't intend to be, sometimes. I think your honesty will always serve you well when dealing with others." I clear my throat in mock disapproval of this whole business and try to steer the conversation elsewhere. HISAO: "To tell the truth, though, I do prefer solitude to being surrounded by others. I don't think I could maintain a social circle like you do." She contemplates this for a moment. LILLY: "I don't think that's true either. I've seen how gentle and caring you are around Hanako, and you get on marvelously well with others, even those whom you hardly know. I think you're quite adept at social situations. But on that note, what of your confessions, Hisao? I'm sure someone like you must have had at least one admirer." As I open my mouth to speak, I can feel my face turn slightly dour. At times like this, I secretly appreciate the fact that she can't see my expressions. HISAO: "Just... one. Her name was Iwanako. It was when she confessed to me that I had my heart attack. There in the woods, during winter." Lilly finds herself speechless, not expecting for the topic to move into such an area. My condition has always been something of a concern for her, something that I strive to minimize despite my body's best efforts to the contrary. HISAO: "Afterwards, she visited me for a while when I was in the hospital. For weeks she came in and talked. It was usually just smalltalk or classroom gossip, but that was enough. But eventually... she just stopped coming. She was there every day. Then every other day. Then once a week. Then finally, one day, she just stopped visiting entirely." LILLY: "Did you ever... see her again?" Wrapped in my own little world, I shake my head before remembering the futility of the gesture. >Mention the letter. >Drop the subject. What did Lilly just say she liked about us? Over and over again through this route, we’ve seen how honesty and straightforwardness lead to better results than hiding things for the perceived benefits of others. Going over our past like this may be painful, but coming to terms with it is healthy. And sparing our girlfriend this knowledge isn’t going to help anybody. =>Mention the letter. The memory of that single letter Iwanako sent me comes back to my mind. HISAO: "I never saw her again, but after I was sent to Yamaku... she wrote me one letter." Lilly's face shows an expression I know well. I've piqued her interest. I'd be slightly offended that it's simply a matter of curiosity for her, but she's never been very good at masking her reactions. HISAO: "In hindsight, it really didn't say much. What was going on in my old class, how she was faring, and, almost as an afterthought, that it was probably best for the both of us that we don't see each other again. After reading it, I ended up reassessing a lot of things I thought I'd managed to work out. For the most part, that letter reminded me that the world around me was still moving, and just how much I'd become isolated from it. And... I guess it also reminded me of what I'd lost.” .png) She gives the information some thought before her face lights up in realization. No doubt she's worked out that it was this letter which had contributed to my angst during that lunch on the rooftop. It's a rare sight to see Lilly quite so lost for words, her entire persona is a little deflated from her earlier rapt interest. As charismatic as she is, in the end that isn't any replacement for life nor relationship experience. LILLY: "Perhaps... it is better she sent it than not." HISAO: "How's that?" LILLY: "It can be difficult to work out how best to communicate with those you haven't met in a long time. All the more so, considering your separate situations. Instead of doing what was easiest, she built up the courage to talk to you one last time; not only for her sake but, from how it sounds, for yours as well." HISAO: "Maybe. I don't hate her for it, not that I really ever did, but... I don't know." Probably a more noncomittal answer than I should give, but it isn't without cause. I've never looked at the situation from Iwanako's perspective like that before. Seconds pass in silence before Lilly speaks again. LILLY: "Moving to Yamaku must have been hard for you, having your friends and even your girlfriend taken from you for no fault of your own." HISAO: "The worst of it passed while I was in the hospital. When all that surrounds you is four white walls and a small television, your mind takes on a life of its own. It's like my old school, I guess. I just try not to dwell on what's happened and keep thinking ahead. All that reminiscing does is get me down, and it's largely thanks to you that it feels like things are finally getting back on track." LILLY: "That's... pleasing to hear, Hisao." She lowers her face slightly, her expression pensive. I guess I went too far and embarrassed her. HISAO: "I suppose you went through something a bit like what I did when you entered Yamaku anyway, right? I imagine the vast majority of our school's students did, after all. You said yourself that you made friends in your old school. I can't imagine many followed you." Lilly's deep smile drops, her expression unexpectedly darkening. Even her hands retreat to her lap. After a long while, she speaks. .png) LILLY: "Hisao... can you promise not to tell anyone else what I'm about to—" HISAO: "I promise." She looks slightly taken aback by my serious tone, but then relents and smiles weakly before continuing. LILLY: "When I moved to Yamaku, I did regret losing the friends I'd had at my other school. But there was one person whom I most regretted not seeing again. He was the reason I took up English as a future career." “He?” Considering she came from an all-girls school, that can't have been a schoolmate then... LILLY: "I rejected the confessions I'd received until then for him. Every time I improved my English skills, his praise was my most treasured reward. It's funny, isn't it? Someone like me, able to boast about the people who have set eyes on me, liking someone so utterly unattainable as my tutor. It truly is the most ridiculous thing..." HISAO: "Did you...?" She quickly shakes her head from side to side. LILLY: "I couldn't. Even then, I knew it was impossible." A silence reigns over both of us. This does seem to explain her ardent focus on her future in teaching English, but I can't help thinking of her confession to me. She lost him without ever letting her feelings be known... did she somehow fear that would happen again, but with me? I don't really know what to make of it. I've heard of such relationships before; taboos born of such things as puberty and youth. The fact that she had the good judgment not to act on it, though, is heartening. LILLY: "I know this must sound strange, but please... don't think of me..." HISAO: "Why would I think any less of you for that? To be honest, I think he must have been a very nice person if you liked him so much. Not only that, but you stopped yourself before going too far." For a moment, she looks somewhat lost. Most unexpectedly though, it isn't a second before she starts to laugh. The sound takes me off guard. It's not a giggle, nor a restrained chuckle, but honest and genuine laughter. I find myself smiling, and not just at her display of relief and happiness, but for her to trust me enough to let me see this most private of secrets. Before I realize it, I feel her palm touching my face. Her touch is gentle as ever, with her thumb slowly stroking my cheek. LILLY: "You're kind, Hisao. I really do love you." Seeing her face like this, with her palm gently caressing my face... I think tonight has been a wonderful night. HISAO: "I guess we've both had pretty weird pasts, eh?" LILLY: "I think by most standards, our present is rather odd as well." I smile and hang my head. This woman can easily run rings around me, of that I'm quite sure. I look back around the room with its continuing quiet hum of patrons. HISAO: "This place probably fits into the “odd” category, too." LILLY: "It is a tad... overbearing." HISAO: "That's one word for it, yes." I catch the eye of a scurrying waiter, a short, scrawny guy no older than twenty. He kind of reminds me of Kenji, though unlike him the waiter isn't dressed for winter during midsummer. After a curt bow and an offer to remove our plates, Lilly asks for the bill politely and softly. With expert coordination, he maneuvers around the tables, our plates in hand, to retrieve our bill. In no time he reappears through the doors, smartly handing our bill to Lilly. ...who promptly hands it to me, causing him to raise an eyebrow. As I read the small computer-printed leaflet, the cost is considerably more than I expected. LILLY: "Hisao?" HISAO: "Oh... uh..." I quickly stammer out the amount, to which Lilly merely nods and reaches for her purse. Giving her card to the waiter, he disappears once again. HISAO: "That was... a disproportionately large amount of money." The statement seems to make Lilly slightly uncomfortable. LILLY: "My family leaves me more than enough for my education. The same goes for my sister, though she dislikes being reminded of that fact. That said, I too dislike throwing money about.” .png) LILLY: "But this one time I think I can make an exception. Just for you." HISAO: "Not only did you choose our date, but you paid for both of us as well..." I take the bridge of my nose in my fingers. HISAO: "I can't believe how high you have set the bar for our next date." She gives a small giggle. LILLY: "I'll be looking forward to it, Hisao." The waiter reappears beside us, as if by magic, and hands Lilly's card back to her. Evidently picking up on her lack of sight, he places the card in her hand with an extra, perhaps unneeded, amount of firmness to make sure of her grip. Leaving, he exercises a measure of diplomacy by keeping a neutral face despite my own expression. Clapping my hands together, I stand up from my seat in order to bring an end to our night out. HISAO: "Shall we be off then, m'lady?"
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Feb 11, 2022 22:19
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It seems like the social class mismatch is the underlying conflict in this route. Shizune's route didn't seem to focus so heavily on the difference in wealth. There's an interesting restaurant in Toronto called Au Noir, its selling point is that the dining room is completely dark to experience dining while blind. All the waiters are visually impaired. Actually pretty great for a date since it's remarkably quiet.
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Feb 13, 2022 05:41
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I just noticed that this Skyrim mod popped up the other day, and thought people here might find it interesting: - Handicapped Citizens At a glance it seems like it's trying to strike a balance between portraying this sort of thing in a way that fits the setting, and... not being a dick about it, but I haven't looked at it closely enough to get much of an idea of how well it manages it. Interesting thing to tackle in a Skyrim mod, though.
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Feb 13, 2022 10:11
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Decoy Badger posted:There's an interesting restaurant in Toronto called Au Noir, its selling point is that the dining room is completely dark to experience dining while blind. All the waiters are visually impaired. Actually pretty great for a date since it's remarkably quiet. I'd be interested in a very-low-lighting dining experience where I can't see what I'm eating, or even eating blindfolded, but absolute pitch blackness sets off my claustrophobia, or something similar anyway. I wonder how common that is? I notice the website says some people will have problems but that they mostly expect guests to be aware of their own limits and not book if it's going to be an issue. It's possible that I would be okay because the noises of other people eating would help orient me in a way that being alone in utter darkness doesn't, but I still wouldn't go because I wouldn't want to be a bother if I couldn't handle it. I'm that person who has tiny glow-in-the-dark stars in a few places in the bedroom to create reference points once the lights are turned off. Not many, just marking the corners of furniture for a quick sense of space and layout.
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Feb 13, 2022 18:01
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Update 121: A Morning’s Reverie (Act 4, Scenes 5-6) Katawa Shoujo OST ~ Passing of Time .png) (Silence) .png) HISAO: "Gyah!" I snap upwards out of my sheets and sit bolt upright in bed, as if an electric shock had just run through my entire body. The night air feels cold against the sweat on my bare skin, my breathing short and rugged nearly to the point of hyperventilation. Mind racing, I bring my hand to my head in an attempt to soothe my body's panicked state. It takes me a number of seconds to realize my hand is shaking violently, even as I press it against my face. More seconds pass in complete silence, my desperate attempts to subdue my body and mind slowly, thankfully, working. Gathering myself, I start taking measure of the state I'm in. It feels like I've run a marathon, every muscle feeling tensed and sweat practically pouring off me. I carefully direct my attention to the beating in my chest, measuring out the rhythm in my head. Sure enough, my unreliable heart is functioning properly, for once. Just... what the hell was that? A heart attack? A bad nightmare? Medicine side-effects? I've heard about panic attacks, and this does seem to have the hallmarks of one... I can't even be bothered thinking about it right now. I feel utterly exhausted yet completely awake, after this experience. .png) I look over to the other side of my bed, the pale white of the silent figure's face almost glowing in the nighttime darkness of the room. Just the sight of her is enough to calm me down significantly. Her graceful demeanor persists even while she's asleep, her perfectly measured breathing and gentle face making it impossible to tell whether she's awake or truly sleeping. Giving in to temptation, I delicately run my fingertips over her hand. Her skin is soft to the touch, as it always has been, yet warm even in the cold night. It's at times like this, silently appreciating each other's presence, that I feel we're closest. My fingers stop at her wrist and I bring my hand back down to the bed beside me. I'm not entirely sure why, but as we became ever closer to each other, it felt as if something grew between us. I'm not entirely sure what it is, nor whether it existed before we'd fallen in love. Everything is moving so fast. I don't mind it at all, but it feels unlike Lilly to be pushing things this much. Katawa Shoujo OST - Raindrops and Puddles Thankfully, there aren't any students milling around in the hallways at this hour of the morning, lest I be interrogated on why I'm carrying two plates of breakfast to my room while dressed in an obviously hastily-donned uniform. That isn't to say things like this never happen, of course. A single security guard patrolling between two sets of bedrooms situated right next to each other is a very small force, compared to adolescent hormones. Come to think of it, the fact that it's Monday morning probably helps. I'm not really sure why, but Mondays seem to bother me less than they do most others. It takes a little creative use of my hands and elbow, but eventually I manage to work the door to my dormitory room open. .png) Stepping inside, I see Lilly just getting up from the bed and tiredly rubbing her eyes. She looks a mess, just like most other times I've seen her soon after she wakes. She really isn't a morning person. HISAO: "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." She groggily shakes her head. The morning light illuminating her makes for a very pleasant sight. LILLY: "It's okay, I needed to get up anyway. What time is it?" I put my plate down on my desk and turn the clock around to check the time. HISAO: "Still early. Don't worry, there's plenty of time left before school." She sits on the side of the bed and begins to sniff the air. As she does so, I quickly move her plate away and put it on the desk beside mine. HISAO: "Yes, I got us some breakfast. Shower and clothes come first, though." She stands still for a moment with her chin pointed slightly out. I gladly acquiesce and press my lips to hers, savoring the soft feeling before breaking off. With a small, sweet smile, apparently quite satisfied, she slowly makes her way to the showers. I stretch to try and wake myself up a little more, briefly looking at the steaming dishes on the desk. Rice, fish, miso soup and some vegetables; a standard breakfast for a somewhat unusual day. I grab the bottles from my desk and start taking my daily regimen of pills. Sometimes I wonder what these things are even good for, given all the troubles I've had since the initial accident. I can't even say that it doesn't hurt to take them, considering the side effects so far. Well, whatever. Doctor's orders are that I have to take them, and rationality suggests that I'd be well served to trust his judgment over mine. It doesn't take long for the noise of the shower to cease, a quick one apparently being fine for Lilly given the circumstances. Emerging from the bathroom, she looks significantly more awake, having had the chance to collect herself. Without a word, I gently take her hand in mine and guide her to my desk. Considering I don't have a table in my room as she does, it'll have to do. LILLY: "Thank you, Hisao. What did you prepare for breakfast?" HISAO: "Just rice and some vegetables. Something fast." Her face lights up at the revelation. LILLY: "That's quite a breakfast. This is normal for you?" Now she's just being nice. I have little doubt, considering her past, that this isn't exactly a high class meal by her standards. HISAO: "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Just because we're students, doesn't mean we can take it lightly." That's my belief, anyway. From what others I've talked to have said, I might be in the minority. I take a seat on the side of my bed and begin eating together with Lilly, her chopsticks lightly tapping out the outlines of the vegetables just as I'd noticed her do during our date. LILLY: "This is quite nice, Hisao. I had no idea you could cook this well." This time she's much more genuine, I can tell that much. That said, cooking really isn't anything special at all; after a bit of practice it's pretty easy to make a simple dish. HISAO: "Most of the credit goes to modern technology; still, after years of cooking for myself, I should hope so. I got bored of eating instant noodles and ordering pizza every time my parents were both working, so I taught myself how to make a few meals. I'm still trying to get the knack of it, though." LILLY: "You'll make a good wife someday, Hisao." I take a grain of rice and place it onto my thumb, before carefully taking aim and giving it a good flick. Lilly jumps a little as it hits her cheek, right on target. I can't help chuckling a little at her expense as she lowers her brow and tries her best to assume a harsh and serious expression. LILLY: "Oh, that's right..." HISAO: "What is it?" Katawa Shoujo OST - Raindrops and Puddles (Muffled) LILLY: "Did you have any problem sleeping last night? You seemed restless." So she was awake back then, or at least partly so. Whether it was my heart or a nightmare caused by the side effects of my medicine, the last thing I want is for her to be worrying about me even more. Even before my relationship with Lilly, I'd felt my body was a drag on everything I did. My body is my burden alone, so as long as I'm with her, I'll continue to act as normally as possible. HISAO: "No, not particularly." LILLY: "Is that so... that's good, then." Luckily, she seems to take me at my word. LILLY: "Come to think of it, there was something else I wanted to ask." HISAO: "Oh?" Katawa Shoujo OST - Raindrops and Puddles LILLY: "How should I put it... When you dream... do you see people and objects?" HISAO: "Yes, of course I... oh." I feel more than a little sheepish for that slip of the tongue, however earnest it may be. Lilly looks unperturbed, though. LILLY: "But you don't taste, feel, nor smell things?" I move to answer, but find myself stuck before thinking about it. The more I mull it over, the more I realize that her hypothesis is correct. HISAO: "That's... true, I guess. I never looked at it that way. Are you saying that you do?" LILLY: "For the most part I only hear in dreams, but yes, sometimes I touch and smell things as well. I'm just asking since Akira thought it very strange that I did when I brought it up with her. If you don't either, then maybe it's due to my blindness." HISAO: "That would make sense. You rely on your other senses more than me, so maybe that affects your dreams as well." The wonders of the human body, I guess. For the rest of the time before school, we quietly eat the hearty breakfast in front of us, exchanging a few small pieces of smalltalk as we do. (Silence) A quick peek out of the door assures nobody's looking directly at the entrance for the boys' dormitories, so we walk out with the path clear. Katawa Shoujo OST - Air Guitar HISAO: "Ah, the weather's good today." I stretch as Lilly and I make our way outside, the bright morning's sun beaming down on us. By now a few students can be seen doing the same, making their way to the main school building either from the dorms or through the main gate. .png) LILLY: "It does feel nice and warm." Our hands linked and her cane tapping the ground, we begin in earnest our trip to the school building and join the chatting throngs of students around us. LILLY: "This would be the last day of exams, no?" HISAO: "Yeah. How're you going in them?" LILLY: "Fairly well, all things considered. You seem a bit stressed by them, though." HISAO: "It's that obvious, huh? I don't think it's just the exams, though. A lot of stuff's been happening in a short amount of time, and I'm not doing that well on the humanities subjects." LILLY: "You're doing well in science though, aren't you?" HISAO: "Well, it would be hard not to do well in science for me. Come to think of it, didn't you say before that you weren't very good at science and maths?" She suddenly looks very sheepish, my remark no doubt hitting home. Lilly's sense of pride really can be a double-edged sword. LILLY: "Well, aside from that... have you ever given thought to what you might do with that ability? It seems a pity to waste it." HISAO: "A bit, mostly at Mutou's prompting. In any case, I'll probably end up doing science as a career in some form." LILLY: "That's good to hear, Hisao." (Sudden Silence) As we enter the gardens, I suddenly receive an unsolicited pat on the back. The green-dressed culprit dances around to meet me, evidently not paying any heed to Lilly at my side. Katawa Shoujo OST - Out of the Loop .png)  KENJI: "Hey man, what's up? Haven't seen you in a while." HISAO: "Hey. Just been busy lately with the exams and stuff." KENJI: "Exams, ekshmams. A true Renaissance man needs no study to excel in such things." Kenji does strike me as the kind of person that does well in school, even if he has a horrid attendance record and poor work ethic, so I've little reason to doubt his ability. To be honest, I'm a little envious of him; between studying for exams and my time with Lilly, I've had practically no time to myself. Maybe this is a bit like how Yuuko feels. .png) LILLY: "Good morning, Setou. It's good to hear you're doing well." It feels slightly odd to see Lilly speaking so formally. She's come to address me more casually over the months, though I have seen her speak more formally to classmates from time to time as well. Some people never change, I guess. Not that I'd say her calm and polite manner is a bad thing; it was one of the reasons I liked being around her to begin with, after all. Kenji seems to take a moment to work out who it is beside me, and probably hasn't noticed us holding hands either. I wonder if those glasses of his actually do anything. KENJI: "Oh, hey Lilly. Good luck on your exams, too. I'll see you after school then, man." The slight edge to his voice makes me think those words are meant to be an imperative rather than a casual farewell. I guess I'll have to smooth things over later. HISAO: "Sure. Seeya." Kenji nods curtly. He moves to pass by us, but he's too busy glaring in Lilly's general direction to take notice of her cane. Before I can try to react and save the situation, Kenji trips and reflexively reaches out for a handhold. Unfortunately, said handhold turns out to be Lilly's arm. KENJI: "Whoa!" LILLY: "Ah!" Both fall to the ground in a sprawling heap, with me left feeling rather helpless. HISAO: "Ah, drat. Are you two okay?" Kenji quickly rises back up, seemingly unfazed by the accident. KENJI: "No problem, man, no problem. This is nothing, my body can take much worse abuse." Lilly lies facedown on the grass. She doesn't look hurt by the incident; more startled than anything. I move closer to offer her my help. HISAO: "Are you all right, Lilly?" KENJI: "Hey, Satou?" Kenji offers her a hand, tentatively touching hers to let her know what he's doing. He says some odious things sometimes, but I do think he may be a genuinely good person at heart. I imagine he feels pretty bad about this. (Silence) To his surprise and mine, though, Lilly pounds on the ground with her fist without warning. LILLY: "Dammit!" Kenji freezes, entirely caught by surprise at her outburst. I'm just as shocked; she never acted like this before, not even around Shizune. KENJI: "Uh..." .png) Seemingly only now remembering that there are people around her, Lilly slowly climbs to her feet. Her face as she does so makes me retreat a little. I only catch a glimpse of her expression before she turns away, but it's not something I'll forget soon. She showed plenty of annoyance during her clashes with Shizune, but this flash of anger was something else. There's no way that this is just about this petty incident. She pauses for a moment before sighing and walking on ahead. I really don't know what to make of this. HISAO: "I'll, uh... talk to you later, dude. See you." KENJI: "Yeah, seeya." Kenji scratches the back of his head trying to find something to say, then shrugs and walks away, giving us a wide berth. I quickly catch up to Lilly. She turns her head a little to acknowledge my presence, but nothing else. I should probably scold her for lashing out like that, but I also don't want to get into a shouting match with her. She's still very obviously annoyed. In the end, I keep my mouth shut and wait for her to cool off. After a quiet walk in, we eventually reach the top of the third floor stairs and the junction where we part every day. I turn to Lilly before she leaves. While I do like the comfortable and warm silences we usually share, this was anything but. I don't want to leave things like this. HISAO: "You seem... quieter than usual recently. Is anything wrong?" She shakes her head almost automatically, as if to dispel any notion that I need to worry about her. LILLY: "It's just the exams taking their toll. I'll be fine." I don't think that's the reason. I very nearly say so, but decide against it. There's no point trying to draw it out of her if she doesn't want to tell me, especially when she's in a foul mood like this. HISAO: "If you're sure. I'll see you later, then." As I turn down the hall to go to my classroom, Lilly's soft voice rings out from behind me. LILLY: "Hisao, um..." HISAO: "Yeah?" LILLY: "... I'm sorry." With that, Lilly makes off down the hallway to her own classroom, her hand skating along the metal railings. I stand still and watch her until she turns into her classroom and out of sight, before going to my own class with a fair measure of reluctance. Katawa Shoujo OST - School Days As usual, I'm early. Mutou is fiddling with folders and papers on his desk as he prepares for the day while a handful of students mill about, chatting away. While my feelings about Lilly haven't dissipated, far from it, her mention of my exam performance did remind me that I have my own life's journey to attend to. After thinking about it, I have realized that I do genuinely want to pursue science in some form as a career, rather than it simply being the path of least resistance. Until now though, I didn't have much of an idea of where in the field I wanted to go. Just “science” is a pretty broad category of jobs. Something Lilly mentioned earlier focused my thoughts. Something I'd only idly pondered about before, I'd not seriously considered following this specific path. I walk up to Mutou's desk, his attention too focused on preparing for the day's lessons to notice my approach. It's the same every day. HISAO: "Good morning." He looks up with an expression of mild surprise that's quickly replaced by his typical awkward smile. .png)  MUTOU: "Good morning, Nakai. Can I help you?" HISAO: "Do you mind if I ask you something?" He looks down at his messy pile of books on the desk, before putting down the papers in his hand and standing up with some difficulty to properly address me. MUTOU: "That's what I'm here for, after all. Ask away." HISAO: "I was just wondering... what would you say is the motivation behind teaching?" He thinks on this question for a few moments before responding, evidently far from having a prepared answer. MUTOU: "If you talk to ten different teachers, I think you'll get ten different answers to that question. While I can only speak for myself, I'd say that I teach because... hmm..." He sinks into thought again, carefully assessing the way he wishes to present his idea. MUTOU: "Think of it this way; when you were a child, you probably played with sticks and pebbles in moving water such as the gutter or puddles, right?" HISAO: "Yeah. I think a lot of people do that when they're young." MUTOU: "Well, it's not just when they're young for some, though it does take on another form. My point is, though, that when one is doing that, they're curious about how the water will flow or be changed. Everyone, even at that young age, possesses an intense wonderment about how the world around them works, even in its smallest forms. I still feel that sense of wonderment about the universe. Even just reading about new discoveries or classic experiments gives me a renewed sense of awe at how marvelous everything is, from the farthest stars to the smallest puddle. I just hope that I can give others even a small piece of that wonderment I feel. If I can do that, even if it's just for one person, I think that I can be happy as a teacher." He scratches his head as he mentally reviews what he's said. I feel like I understand him better now. Even if he's awkward around others, he does have a genuine want to be around them and offer them a piece of his self that he values. What Lilly told me yesterday rings in my ears. “I think you get on well with others,” huh. She always did say I was unusually curious... MUTOU: "Sorry if that was a little meandering. Does it answer your question?" HISAO: "It does, thank you. I also had another question, actually." MUTOU: "Oh? What might that be?" HISAO: "Um... do you have any college brochures or guides? It's about time I started getting some applications in." He nods and bends down to look inside his desk. As he does so, I notice that he is wearing a remarkably genuine smile. I don't think I've ever really seen him act this natural around others. Perhaps this isn't Mutou, the teacher, but rather Mutou, the person. MUTOU: "Here. If you need any more, feel free to ask." He hands me about half a dozen brochures and booklets of various colors and sizes, which I take eagerly. Yes, it will be this information which I'll use to forge my own future. I think now, after all this time and all these trials, I can finally start to see the big picture of my life ahead of me. My body may be like this, but my mind is still very much able. HISAO: "Thank you." Katawa Shoujo OST ~ Passing of Time .png) (Silence) Strange. Katawa Shoujo OST - Stride .png) That single thought has graced my mind a countless number of times since my life here began. It feels like an easy way to discard a troubling question, as if simply labeling something with those three words will make it go away, or at least not worth thinking about any further. My life before my heart attack feels more blurry every time I try to remember it, and my mind struggles to keep up with all the events suddenly happening around me since. I heard somewhere that this is what it feels like to be left stranded in a country with only the most basic understanding of the local language. Indeed, when I think about it, that seems a marvelously apt analogy for what's happened to me. But such situations are also supposed to make you very capable in that language very fast, as you're forced to learn it in order to survive. Put another way, the situation becomes “sink or swim.” I wonder if I've really managed to swim, after all this time. The exams are stressing me out a lot, even though they're finally coming to an end, but I have remained in Mutou's favor, and I have some sort of direction for my future now. But I keep using that stupid, meaningless phrase. “This is strange.” It really is amazing how fast one comes to accept being surrounded by people with sometimes incredibly jarring disabilities and conditions. So much so, that I really wonder why I feel so much like a foreigner. It certainly isn't for lack of socialization or friends. I've come to know most of my classmates on first-name terms, and know a few others around the school. Whether they're missing an arm or a leg, the students here are just like anyone else of their age. I can navigate the halls that I once lost myself in with an ease I'd not expected to ever have, thanks to the school's logical layout, and can engage my teachers in comfortable discussion. I swirl around gently the tea in my cup, the reflected image of my face becoming distorted by the moving liquid. This is strange... I used to hate drinking tea. HISAO: "Maybe I'm thinking too much." The familiar sound of china rattling from a teacup touching an accompanying saucer rings out. LILLY: "Is something the matter?" HISAO: "Don't worry, it's nothing." .png) I take a long sip of the tea in front of me as the girls do. Just whiling away the time in Lilly's room sipping tea with her and Hanako. It feels familiar, almost nostalgic. HISAO: "So how's your work in the newspaper club going, Hanako?" LILLY: "I want to know too, it sounds like it would be quite interesting." Hanako's face turns down at the attention placed upon her, though her smile belies the fact that she genuinely likes being the center of interest for the two of us.  HANAKO: "It's... good. I think I'm getting better at it. Naomi and a couple of her friends handle most of the jobs... getting stories and stuff. I just do the computer things, like putting the stories together and getting it printed. I-it's nice, since I can sit and concentrate." I see Lilly's low-tech nature isn't shared by Hanako. While sitting in a room compiling other people's newspaper articles into documents doesn't strike me as overly outgoing, it is heartening to see her widening her circle of friends. Baby steps, I guess. It's probably a bit much to be expecting her to become a socialite like Lilly. LILLY: "How are you finding Naomi? I've heard she can be quite troublesome at times." And Lilly's going into her mothering mode over Hanako. Letting go of her is something she's had to learn. Hanako scratches her cheek, thinking on her answer. HANAKO: "Naomi's... nice. She's a bit loud sometimes, and a bit tiring... but she's really helpful. Her friends are nice, too." LILLY: "That's wonderful to hear, Hanako. I'm glad you've found a source of such enjoyment." Lilly's smile is warm and genuine, but I can sense a touch of wistfulness to it as well. Hanako seems to miss that entirely, but I don't think for a second that I'm imagining it. I suppose it's because I've slowly come to pay more and more attention to everything going on around me. With things seemingly happening faster and faster, it feels like I'll miss something if I'm not as observant as possible. With the exams, my newfound love life, trying to fit in some studying regarding my options for college and university, and my heart condition applying the brakes on everything at irritatingly random times, my brain's been in overdrive recently. It makes me appreciate the rare quiet times such as these. I guess this is why Lilly came to appreciate her weekly walks to the convenience store and her tea parties with Hanako, despite her like of being surrounded by others; they gave her a moment of peace in a chaotic and busy life. HISAO: "Thank god the exams are over, eh?" The comment draws an earnest chuckle from both of the girls. It seems like everybody's been a lot happier since the exams ended, last week. HISAO: "So what're you doing for the summer holidays, Hanako? Only..." I quickly count the days in my head. Today's Monday, and school finishes on Saturday... HISAO: "...five days to go, after all." HANAKO: "I was thinking of... traveling. Just... around a bit. There's a lot of places I want to see, and... I think I have enough money to pay for the bus and train rides. Naomi and one of the other girls in the newspaper club said they might come along, too." Her look indicates she's given the matter quite a lot of thought. I'm kind of surprised that she's contemplating something like this. It seems she's really become intent on striking out on her own. LILLY: "Is there anywhere in particular you're thinking of going?" HANAKO: "I was thinking that... Kyoto sounds nice. I-I think I'll try to go to a few places... though." Lilly nods in approval, happy with Hanako's plans. While I cast my eyes to Lilly, I refrain from asking her the same question. She's been evasive with her plans for the future for a long time now, but I never seem to get a good time to broach the subject alone with her. Every time it comes up in conversation, it feels like she's either unsure of herself or simply dodging the question. It's troubling. HISAO: "Be sure to call sometime while you're out and about. I gave you my number before, right?" Hanako gives a quick nod, a happy smile on her face. It's strange to see how happy people seem to become when they have a goal to work towards. Yuuko seems to brighten whenever her university aspirations are brought up, and now Hanako is just the same. So why do I still feel this uncertainty? And why Lilly, too? Relationships really can be irritatingly troublesome, sometimes. HANAKO: "Oh, um... wh-what time is it?" HISAO: "Hmm? Oh..." It takes me a second to remember that Lilly's clock doesn't have any visual feedback. I really should know, given how many times I've been in her room. Nevertheless, I take my watch from my bag and quickly check it, the reason for her asking becoming clear. HISAO: "It's about twenty past ten. Nearly curfew." Hanako rises to her feet, dusting herself off and neatening her gown after doing so. HANAKO: “I'd... better be going, then. Good night Lilly, Hisao.” LILLY: "Sleep well, Hanako." HISAO: "Seeya tomorrow." (Silence) With that, she walks to the door and quietly makes her exit. .png) ... Silence. This seems to be happening more and more between Lilly and I, recently.
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Feb 14, 2022 22:41
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Totally ignoring the more important parts of the update, but do most (sighted) people really not taste, touch, or smell things in their dreams? I definitely do.
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Feb 15, 2022 02:16
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Ghost Car posted:Totally ignoring the more important parts of the update, but do most (sighted) people really not taste, touch, or smell things in their dreams? I definitely do. Depends, but no for a lot of people. Its where the whole trope of pinching yourself to confirm you aren't dreaming comes from.
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Feb 15, 2022 02:22
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Ghost Car posted:Totally ignoring the more important parts of the update, but do most (sighted) people really not taste, touch, or smell things in their dreams? I definitely do. I definitely hear and feel (though feeling happens mostly when I'm almost awake and usually comes from an outside stimulus). I can't think of a time offhand when I smelled or tasted things in my dreams.
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Feb 15, 2022 02:26
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Ghost Car posted:Totally ignoring the more important parts of the update, but do most (sighted) people really not taste, touch, or smell things in their dreams? I definitely do. I almost never remember dreams, but what I do remember is auditory and visual, rather than those other senses. Logically, I must be experiencing them when in a dream state, but they don't stick; and as scent is supposedly the sense most tied to memory, that's a bit confusing. But on the other hand I'm weird.
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Feb 15, 2022 02:28
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There seems to be some kind of conflict brewing between Hisao and Lilly, but heck if I know where it's coming from. Am I missing something subtle?
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Feb 15, 2022 02:46
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I don't remember ever smelling anything in a dream. Touch, yes, but only if I'm paying attention, and it tends to be muted. I have slapped myself silly in a dream (I was aware I was asleep but having trouble waking up) and I certainly felt pain, but less than I should have if it were real. Fire is hot, water is wet, but not as much as it should be. Taste, very rarely but mostly because I'm very rarely eating anything in a dream. I distinctly remember tasting a very bad kiss in a dream once though.
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Feb 15, 2022 02:47
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Ooooh it's about how Hisao can't see where he's going e: TooMuchAbstraction posted:There seems to be some kind of conflict brewing between Hisao and Lilly, but heck if I know where it's coming from. Am I missing something subtle? If they were real people there are two extremely obvious sites for relationship friction: class, and planning. Class is obvious, Lilly comes from a dramatically higher class than Hisao and while a while roll in the hay with the stable boy is fun, there's inevitably friction that comes from being with a person who doesn't understand your norms, your language, and your relationship with money and all the enormous knock on effects that has. Lilly has a clear vision of what she intends to do with her future. Hisao is going "uhh iunno i'll figure it out in the next...3 months;" it's very common for that lack of decisiveness and clarity to be received as irritating, careless, even disrespectful. Admittedly I think that if somebody is hyper ambitious, it's good for them to be with somebody who goes with the flow, but that is heavily informed by my years trying to be an academic where professors married to people with mobile, flexible careers tended to have healthier relationships (and Lilly's plan to 'be an english teacher in japan' is not exactly Olympian). Strictly speaking, it was not Hisao's fault that Kenji and Lilly tripped over each other. But Hisao was the best positioned to see what was about to happen, and that he was not able to stop it - because he was inattentive, or sloppy, not fast enough, or indecisive - lead to Lilly being hurt and embarrassed. Hisao's lack of foresight has gotten in Lilly's way. It is small, but it is synecdoche for his failure to be clear about his post graduation plans. Tulip fucked around with this message at 03:44 on Feb 15, 2022 |
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Feb 15, 2022 03:34
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TooMuchAbstraction posted:There seems to be some kind of conflict brewing between Hisao and Lilly, but heck if I know where it's coming from. Am I missing something subtle? for my own two cents in this, I feel like there is some potential external factor as well. Suddenly Akira is moving back Scotland to the primary branch of their family's business? On top of that Lily hasn't been willing to talk about it at all in detail, especially in relation to herself since she brushed off the question of who she'd be living with after school ended now that Akira is gone. Perhaps it is simply general family pressure on Lily's career choice rather than her love life, or perhaps both? May be reading in to it a bit heavily but that's my gut reaction to what's been happening, aside from the good points Tulip made.
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Feb 15, 2022 04:26
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TooMuchAbstraction posted:There seems to be some kind of conflict brewing between Hisao and Lilly, but heck if I know where it's coming from. Am I missing something subtle? Tulip and Evil Kit have done some great analysis, but there's one thing I want to add. Lilly is extremely proud of how she's been able to compensate for and overcome the limitations her blindness imposes. It's pretty clear that she prides herself on both not letting her lack of sight hold her back, and of not being merely passively dependent in the situations where she does need to rely on other people. So when she gets knocked over, it's more than just embarrassing, it's a reminder that she's got serious limitations that she might not always be able to work around. This also follows up on the last situation she's been in where her blindness really was problematic: when Hisao nearly had a heart attack and she felt like she couldn't do anything to help. Couple that, her focus on keeping up appearances and acting as a stable anchor for the people around her, and the fact that Kenji tripped over the physical manifestation of her blindness, and yeah, it's pretty easy to see how such a simple incident could really shake her up. There's a lot more going on than just this, as other posters have described, but it's at least a factor.
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Feb 15, 2022 05:19
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TheDavies posted:I almost never remember dreams, but what I do remember is auditory and visual, rather than those other senses. Logically, I must be experiencing them when in a dream state, but they don't stick; and as scent is supposedly the sense most tied to memory, that's a bit confusing. I remember them when they’re plot-relevant. Like, I still remember a dream from my childhood where I ended up in a meadow in the rain in front of a faucet. I knelt down, turned my mouth under the faucet, opened the valve, and literally poured bacon into my face; I still remember how sudden and vivid the bacon taste was. But that’s the exception.
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Feb 15, 2022 06:22
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I don't strongly recall any dreams where I had much experience of smell, but I've definitely had dreams involving taste and touch, and related physical sensations like pain and muscle fatigue - I do a lot of long, long walks in my dreams, trying to hoof it between towns that are 20+ miles apart in the waking world on the regular. But my dreams got extremely vivid once I finally started taking antidepressants a couple years ago, just extremely vivid about only slightly exaggerated but otherwise extremely mundane bullshit. (This is not particularly mentally restful, feeling like I just spent the past 6-8 hours of sleep struggling to get somewhere when I wake up most mornings, but it's still preferable to depression.)
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Feb 15, 2022 07:55
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disposablewords posted:I don't strongly recall any dreams where I had much experience of smell, but I've definitely had dreams involving taste and touch, and related physical sensations like pain and muscle fatigue - I do a lot of long, long walks in my dreams, trying to hoof it between towns that are 20+ miles apart in the waking world on the regular. But my dreams got extremely vivid once I finally started taking antidepressants a couple years ago, just extremely vivid about only slightly exaggerated but otherwise extremely mundane bullshit. (This is not particularly mentally restful, feeling like I just spent the past 6-8 hours of sleep struggling to get somewhere when I wake up most mornings, but it's still preferable to depression.) Oh god, Wellbutrin (Buproprion) is the loving worst for that. I was on it for a bit (and will probably get back on it at some point because holy poo poo depression is awful), and the extremely vivid lucid dreams were horrible. I distinctly recall one time where I "woke up" three times in a single dream before finally getting pissed off enough to actually wake up and get out of bed. It was some Inception level bullshit. You're right though, lovely dreams are still infinitely better than depression.
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Feb 15, 2022 08:02
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I'm just going to add my cents on the dreams and say that I have probably remember having like 2 actual dreams from the past 20 years or so and a couple dreams of falling, for me it's literally lights off, lights on when I go to sleep. Also the sleep monitor apps I've tried detect REM at best one in five days, it's pretty funny.
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Feb 15, 2022 08:59
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TooMuchAbstraction posted:There seems to be some kind of conflict brewing between Hisao and Lilly, but heck if I know where it's coming from. Am I missing something subtle? More like cracks forming. Lilly has built (or been forced to build) herself into a certain type of person. Methodical. Calm. Dutiful. A quiet place, a tower of strength, a helping hand, may things to others - and what's left for her? While her friendship with Hanako is genuine, she's very much the senior partner in that relationship. Her relationship with Shizune, her equal (and opposite) isn't too good. And obviously her middle school crush went nowhere. Hisao was the first (possibly) person she could see as an equal, to develop a relationship...and it's (nearly) taken away. And when he shows up, restored, and returns her feelings...the dam breaks. And she's making up for lost time. It only seems quick because we couldn't detect the buildup. But everything worked out. Which means now she's in a more precarious position, having something to lose. So, by my count, Lilly is worrying about : -exams -graduation -jobs -Hisao -her class -Kenji (being in her class, I'm certain he pisses her off SOMEHOW) -her family (possibly; they don't seem to worry about her overmuch) -the only non-lovely member of her family LEAVING (I didn't pick this up the first time, but that's a BIG thing) -and more to be revealed? People are like metal; the stronger they are, the less ductile they become. One random strike to an already stressed piece means it doesn't bend; it shatters. To a (former) proper Catholic girl, that one slip was the equivalent of cussing like a sailor.
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Feb 15, 2022 10:55
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I'm going to add my two cents and say that it's probably very mundane. Hisao isn't telling Lilly about his troubles with his heart and his medication, and how he feels about it all. In return Lilly isn't talking about how she really feels about Akira leaving, and (I'm guessing) the frustrations that come from her disability. Both of them are aware that the other isn't telling them things, and both are feeling left out because of it. And it's causing a negative feedback loop.
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Feb 15, 2022 19:01
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Yeah, I definitely think she's bothered by how Hisao's not being very open to her about his heart troubles. Dunno if that's related to her outburst specifically (very well could be, idk), but I think that's a general problem building up.
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Feb 15, 2022 20:13
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Update 122: Context (Act 4, Scenes 7-8) Katawa Shoujo OST - Everyday Fantasy HISAO: "Oh yeah, I talked to Mutou on Friday, and finally checked out some guides on college and how to apply for it." LILLY: "That's good news. If you're going to be applying for colleges, I assume you have some idea in mind of what you might do in the future?" HISAO: "I think I've settled on becoming a science teacher. It's going to take a while to get through university and everything to be qualified, but I think it'll be worth it." Lilly's face brightens considerably at the news. I suppose, with her wish to become a teacher, she's delighted I'd take the same kind of path. LILLY: "So, you've decided on a career of teaching... I think that path suits you most excellently, Hisao." I smile and nod. This time, even if I know she can't see me doing so, I know she feels it. LILLY: "I imagine Mutou would have taken to the news well?" HISAO: "That's one word for it. Hey Lilly?" LILLY: "Yes?" HISAO: "I know you want to be a teacher, but..." For a second, I wonder whether I should really ask her the question on my mind, but that's quickly brushed aside by the fact that this is rather late to have second thoughts. LILLY: "Surely you don't still think I'd be offended by something regarding my blindness." Her accusing tone is betrayed by her grinning face, amused at my awkwardness in raising the topic. Some things never change. HISAO: "Good point, I guess. I was just thinking whether or not being blind would be a hindrance, what with your ambitions to become a teacher and all." She looks mildly surprised before giving the question some thought. I refuse to think she's never actually pondered this issue before. LILLY: "I wonder... Hisao, could you close your eyes for a moment?" HISAO: "O... kay?" Raising an eyebrow, I do as she requests. I have no idea what she has in mind, and my questions only increase as I peek out from one eye. Taking the black ribbon she usually wears in her hair from the cabinet beside her bed, she advances towards me while running it through her fingers to remove any stray hairs remaining on the piece of cloth. .png) The screen goes black from top to bottom, like something’s gradually blocking our vision. I suddenly click on to her intentions as I feel the black strip make contact with my face, wrapping around my head and over my eyes. HISAO: "Um... what exactly is this for?" LILLY: "It's a little test, Hisao. Since you seem to be wondering, I'll let you see things as I do for a time." Huh, so that's what this is about. To be honest, this actually sounds kind of fun. Childish and rather silly to anyone who would be watching, but a bit of silly fun never hurt anyone. I stand up with a heave, my hands quickly moving out in front of me to warn me of any obstacles. HISAO: "Okay, now what?" LILLY: "Now, touch me." HISAO: "If you say so. Now then..." I slowly make my way forwards, towards the sound of Lilly's voice. My walking speed could barely even be called a shuffle, the entire experience feeling alien enough that I don't want to risk inadvertently tripping over anything, such as her table or her haphazard piles of books. Something soft, yet solid, brushes against my left leg. Further inspection reveals it to be Lilly's bed. I move onwards, finding myself thankful that Lilly's room is so neat and tidy. Even the piles of books she has are generally kept close to the wall, well out of harm's way. The hard wall pressing against my outstretched hands makes me furrow my brow in frustration. HISAO: "Hey Lilly, where are you?" LILLY: "What are you doing over there? I'm over here." Lilly's voice comes from the other side of the room, far from where it was before, even to my untrained ears. If she's going out of her way to avoid me reaching her, then is this just a game to her? ...Of course it is. Compared to a life where even the concept of sight is an abstract one, a few minutes in a blindfold are nothing. I guess she's made her point; she's more than capable of navigating her room, and further, I've seen how independent she is even when compared to many of the others in Yamaku. Well, even if this is just a game, I may as well play it wholeheartedly. With a pace much quicker than before I move towards the source of her voice, deftly sidestepping the table in the center of her room thanks to remembering its position. HISAO: "I've got you now!" She gives an impish giggle, one just long enough to work out that she's passing just beside me. I quickly turn around to face the new directio— (Loud Thump) the table wasn't there before! HISAO: "Ow... ow... ow..." I slowly sit up next to the table, raising my blindfold as I rub my aching head. I give an irritated kick to the table that's sitting just in front of where I fell. Utterly pointless, but the thing deserved it. .png) LILLY: "Hisao?" Lilly's still standing just to my side, obviously unsure of what's befallen me. HISAO: "Sorry. I kinda fell over." LILLY: "Are you hurt?" HISAO: "My head hurts, but I think I'm okay. I think the table moved in order to trip me over." She giggles as she walks over and takes a seat beside me, her hand resting on my own. LILLY: "I suppose that's the end of that then?" HISAO: "I think so. But I also think I get the point. Though I do wish it hadn't involved such a headache." Lilly suddenly looks blank. LILLY: "Point?" And I return an extraordinarily flat look. HISAO: "That was just for fun?" LILLY: "I just thought it might ease you up a little about the subject. You always seem to tiptoe around it, after all. In regard to teaching, sight isn't that important. There are plenty of classes taught by entirely blind teachers, and more than enough resources for me to learn the subject. It's as simple as that, really." I slump my shoulders and give a snort of amusement. HISAO: "Yeah, I understand. I guess we'll both just have to work hard to reach our goals, then." LILLY: "Hmm..." HISAO: "What is it?" With a little hesitation, Lilly pushes forward her chin and closes her eyes in an unmistakable gesture. I accept gladly, our lips touching. Katawa Shoujo OST - To Become One As they do, I suddenly feel her hand snaking up my chest from underneath my shirt. The feeling of her hand against my bare skin is enough to make my heart suddenly accelerate. So she's in that kind of mood again? Well, I'm hardly one to complain. She does genuinely like this, and even with all my medications, my libido is thankfully still intact. I lean into the kiss further, holding her hand tightly as I feel it tracing the contours of my chest. Eventually we break off from one another, the room silent but for our breathing. LILLY: "Hey, Hisao?" HISAO: "Yeah?" LILLY: "I don't suppose... you could wear the blindfold again?" .png) I guess a bit of kinkiness runs in the family. With the blindfold on, they maneuver into position and, as usual, Lilly takes the lead. She starts teasing him and eventually, Hisao realizes she’s challenging him to take a more active role – and after a quick moment to confirm, he does so. He finds it exciting, and between that and the blindfold the sensation gets almost overwhelming. (Silence) More... I want more... I can feel my chest tightening as I rock back and forth frantically, both of us entirely taken with ourselves. (Heartbeat) Nothing... that unusual... I just need to take deeper breaths to steady... myself... (Heartbeat) This feeling is just... normal... (Heartbeat) HISAO: "Aah... aaaaaaaah..." (Heartbeat) This isn't... I can't... this pain is too much...! (Heartbeat, Heartbeat) HISAO: "AAAAARGH!" I stumble backwards from Lilly with unseemly haste, clumsily hitting the back of my foot against the table and falling to the ground with an unceremonious crash. The screen goes white. Breathing wildly, I frantically scrape at the ribbon over my eyes as I lay on my back. I have to get this off, I have to get this off... .png) For a moment, everything goes blank. As the rush of newfound light assaults my eyes, my breathing slows from the brink of hyperventilation. Katawa Shoujo OST - Cold Iron .png) Seconds pass, and I carefully measure out the rhythm of my heartbeats with every ounce of concentration I can muster. My heart is... normal. It's back to normal. My body feels utterly bizarre as I lay dazed on the floor looking at the ceiling. The adrenaline from before is still pouring through my veins, but my mind is completely exhausted. I prop myself up as I hear Lilly getting off the bed and coming towards me. .png) LILLY: "Hisao? Are you okay? Hisao!?" HISAO: "I'm fine, Lilly. I'm... fine." She gives a sigh of relief, her worried expression collapsing. Her face afterward is the very last I'd ever wanted to see from her. It's a face I'd detested when I first saw my parents in the hospital all those months ago. Pity. Lilly... pities me. I just close my eyes and turn away, powerless. I feel like throwing up. I can hear the sound of Lilly moving away and quickly attending to herself, the ruffling of her clothing being pulled back on after a moment of searching just barely audible. HISAO: "Sorry..." She slowly shakes her head as she finishes buttoning up her top. Her kind smile looks so fragile, so delicate, that it makes my heart sink. Approaching carefully, she feels out the edge of the low table before taking a seat next to me, putting her arms around my chest. LILLY: "I'm sorry, Hisao. I shouldn't have pushed my desires onto you." HISAO: "You don't need to apologize. I'd normally be fine, you've seen that much before. I guess I shouldn't have tried to push myself so far." My eyelids feel heavy. Calmly sitting next to her like this is probably letting the adrenaline work itself out of my system, and letting my mind relax. LILLY: "So that's... why you never took the lead...?" HISAO: "Yeah. I guess it's a good thing you like to, huh?" The joke seems to lighten her expression a little, a fact which helps let me feel less unease about my unreliable self. Lilly's head comes to rest on my shoulder as I struggle to keep my eyes open, with more difficulty after each blink. I feel completely drained. LILLY: "It's okay, Hisao. It's all okay." (Silence) No sooner does she say this than a small, quiet tune escapes her lips. Entirely too tired to think, all I can do is listen to her soft humming. It's a soft, almost melancholic tune. It sounds familiar, but the more I try to remember its origin the less I seem able to concentrate. The feeling and scent of her head gently resting on my shoulder and her warm body against my side are soothing. The soft humming of her voice, too, relaxes my mind as much as her warmth relaxes my muscles. This singular, quiet moment... after all this fracas, it makes me realize just how exhausted I've become. I can feel my eyelids slowly becoming heavier and heavier. Even with the chaos of before, I wish this moment would last forever. Lilly and I together, sharing a single, solitary occasion together, just as we used to. But if that's the case... why does she feel... further away than she's ever felt before? Katawa Shoujo OST ~ Passing of Time .png) Katawa Shoujo OST - Fripperies The loud clatter of books falling into the return slot abruptly breaks the grip of silence over the school library. It's become a habit for me to come to the library at least once a week. Not only does the reading itself keep me busy, but discussing books with Hanako and Lilly also does. .png) Obviously startled, Yuuko suddenly twists towards the direction of the noise. I'd have thought her used to people dropping books by now, since she does work here.  YUUKO: "Oh, hello Hisao. Back again?" It takes me a moment to respond, my mind still distracted by the familiar melody of Lilly's humming that's hardly left my ears in the several days it's been since I fell asleep to it. HISAO: "Hmm? Oh, yeah. Just returning some books I borrowed." She casts her eyes downwards, presumably to the bin the books dropped into. YUUKO: "You're a very heavy reader, aren't you?" HISAO: "It's become a bit of a routine now. Passes the time, at least." YUUKO: "I wish I had free time to pass..." From smalltalk to depression in less than five seconds. I think that's a new record for her. She seems a bit down in general today, even compared to normal. Considering she has to work two jobs just to support herself, I could see how that would take a toll on her lifestyle. Come to think of it, the pay for her job here can't be all that bad. The idea of staff in such a prestigious private school going hungry strikes me as counterintuitive. HISAO: "Working two jobs must take a lot of time. I'd probably never manage it." YUUKO: "You're lucky, being a student. Do you think you'll be able to go to university?" If she's asking, then I guess that's the expected result of having this kind of education. Private schools like this don't exactly come cheap. HISAO: "I... guess. I have the money, I think. I've got plans which will require going to one, and my marks are good enough. It's more a matter of how I'll pay to do so." YUUKO: "University costs so much that I'm having to work two jobs to afford to enter it... paying for daily expenses too makes it a lot harder. If you're reading this much though, that means you're doing well in school, right?" Interesting logical jump. Not an altogether wrong one, though. HISAO: "I suppose so. I didn't find any of the exams very hard, aside from maybe one or two. Do you mind if I ask what studies you're pursuing in university?" Yuuko appears to genuinely brighten at the question. YUUKO: "Anthropology. To be specific, I'm specializing in the history of classical era Athenian civilization and democracy." She really seems to know her stuff. Such enthusiasm is to be admired, and it's nice to see her genuinely excited about something. I guess even somebody like Yuuko can be happy if she has a visible road ahead of her. HISAO: "That's good to hear. If you—" (Sudden Silence, Phone Ringing) Both of us jump at the sudden interruption coming from my pocket. Apologizing profusely and quickly shuffling into the hallway as I fumble with the cover of my mobile phone, I glance at the screen. ...Weird. It's a mobile number I don't recognize. Considering I can count the number of people with my number on one hand, I briefly wonder whether it's some telemarketer that lucked out. .png) HISAO: "Hello, Hisao Nakai speaking." ???: "Geez, pick up faster next time. Anyway, guess who?" It only takes me a second to recognize the distinctively deep, brusque voice. Katawa Shoujo OST - Katawa Shoujo OST - Generic Happy Music HISAO: "Hey, Misha. Didn't expect you to call me." AKIRA: "Huh!? Ya actually think I sound like her?" HISAO: "Not at all, Akira. I don't remember giving you my number though, so I thought I'd mess with you." AKIRA: "Oh, that? I got Lilly to give it to me. Not hard." She positively brims with pride at the statement. She's trying to get me caught up in her pace, I know it. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that the two would share my number though, given how close they are. HISAO: "So, what's up?" AKIRA: "You free right now?" HISAO: "I... guess? Why?" AKIRA: "Could you meet me at the park in town? I just want to talk to you about some stuff." HISAO: "Is that an invitation to a date?" AKIRA: "What? Of course not..." She sounds suddenly crestfallen, her previous teasing nature having instantaneously left. It seems strange for her. HISAO: "Anyway, I don't see why not. When do you want to meet?" AKIRA: "Kind of... now. Ish." HISAO: "Wait, right now? But it's—" (Sudden Silence) The dead silence suddenly coming from the phone announces the fact that she has unceremoniously hung up. For a long time I just stand there, staring at the “CALL ENDED” message on the screen while replaying the conversation in my head. HISAO: "What the hell, Akira? .png) Throwing a glance up and down the street, I cross the road and step into the park. I've learned to pace myself on such walks, mostly because Lilly's slower speed during our forays into town means I have to consciously slow myself down. That aside, I hope Akira didn't expect me to be immediately prompt. Katawa Shoujo OST - Nocturne .png) It takes only a couple of seconds to spot her, waiting on a bench with a can of beer in her hand. The look she gives me as I walk up lacks any hint of acknowledgment or greeting. HISAO: "What's with that look? I needn't have come, you know." AKIRA: "I knew you would. You're that kind of person, after all." I lower my brow at her remark as she disposes of the can, emptied by the time I arrived, and a metallic clatter rings out. Akira takes a seat on the old wooden bench, and I follow her lead. She takes another can of beer from beside her and opens it before speaking, taking a large gulp. She seems to really like that stuff. .png) HISAO: "I suppose I don't need to ask what this is about, or rather, who it's about?" AKIRA: "I heard from Lilly that you asked about our family." They share more than phone numbers, that's for sure. I'd probably be very worried right now if it weren't for the total lack of malice in her voice. Rather, her tone sounds almost wistful. HISAO: "Idle curiosity, mostly. ...I have to admit, I'd never have guessed you two were half Scottish." She gives a wry chuckle of amusement. AKIRA: "I've heard that before, trust me." The small smile falls from her face, her eyes looking ahead distantly. Aside from the occasional elderly couple talking as they slowly walk the meandering paths, and the odd aging car, it's pleasantly quiet. AKIRA: "She didn't tell you everything though, did she?" HISAO: "It was pretty brief. Your parents live in Scotland, she hasn't met them since she was twelve, and she wants to meet them again." .png) AKIRA: "It's always surprised me how devoted she is to our parents, for all the good they did us." The way she says it sounds almost derisive. She gives a small sigh, as if to quickly brush the feelings away. AKIRA: "Why do you think they left, Hisao?" HISAO: "Why do I think they left? From what Lilly told me, it was because of work. I guess a pretty decently-paying job was involved as well, given the way your parents seem to live. So Lilly went to a private school, and that's why she carries herself with the airs and graces of the upper class." AKIRA: "Yeah. Since the business in Inverness boomed, our father decided to move directly to the same city as its headquarters. That's just the conclusion I'd thought you'd come to, though. You're too good-natured." HISAO: "You don't think they left for their career?" AKIRA: "I'm sitting here bitching to you about it. What do you think? Yamaku Academy. I've always felt that place was kinda creepy; like it was an isolated hideaway for those “proper society” doesn't want to see nor hear. They probably just rue the fact that Lilly wasn't old enough to be shoved there by the time they left." A long silence follows her abrupt and very harsh criticism of her own parents, and Yamaku. Lilly's blindness is hardly something that could be simply ignored for a high-class family attempting to keep up appearances, much less so when a lucrative offer is on the table. Eventually Akira gives a derisive snort, her feelings coming to a head. AKIRA: "Moving to secure our financial future with his new job posting. Even at the time I hardly believed it." Not wanting to simply be an avenue for her venting, I gently try to steer the discussion. HISAO: "So you stayed in Japan with Lilly, then?" AKIRA: "Either I stayed with her, or she went to live with an ailing grandmother and grandfather." HISAO: "What about Shizune's family? If you're cousins, then..." AKIRA: "Our fathers hate each other. I'd have been more than happy to tell them to go screw themselves and live with them anyway, but Lilly wouldn't have wanted that. I'd also had an offer for a job by then, so we did our best to keep our parents' house in proper shape, and tried to continue our lives as if they'd never left." HISAO: "So you just lived by yourselves?" AKIRA: "Basically. Lilly had school and I had my job, so we weren't exactly languishing. With her schooling, her study, and having to do chores while I worked, though, I can't help feeling like I failed her. In the end, I tried to be there for her, and screwed it up. ...Expecting a nineteen-year-old to be a mother for a blind child. It's ridiculous." So... Lilly and Akira lived alone after their parents moved, with Lilly largely taking care of herself. I guess that explains her apparent independence, compared to many in Yamaku. I may have lived alone much of the time since my parents both worked, but that's... just something else entirely. AKIRA: "Sorry for making you listen to my moaning, Hisao." HISAO: "I don't mind at all, but... do you mind if I ask why you're telling me all this?" AKIRA: "Hmph. You always were curious. Context, I suppose. Life isn't a fairytale, Hisao. Some people have to learn that the hard way." (Silence) She takes a long drink from the can in her hand, her face becoming more depressed than distant. AKIRA: "I broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago. After I leave, we're not going to be able to see each other again. But that's how life is. You can't just set your life up and expect it to stay that way forever; sometimes stuff happens that you have to roll with, even if it means hurting yourself or others." She takes a long breath before looking up at the bright orange sky. AKIRA: "drat... if I smoked, I could take a nice, long drag right about now and look kinda cool." I want to respond, to help her in whatever way I can, but I feel utterly useless. This kind of situation is one I've never been in, and I simply don't have the experience to say anything meaningful to comfort her. Akira looks over and evidently picks up on this, much to my embarrassment. AKIRA: "I must look pretty pathetic right now, whining about this to someone I barely know." HISAO: "Hardly, and I'm pretty much an expert on looking pathetic." She gives a chuckle, the act feeling like a personal victory for me. AKIRA: "You're a good kid, Hisao. When I said that I approved of you being with my sister, I wasn't joking or just being nice." She picks herself up off the seat with a grunt, one that seems ill-fitting given her age, and throws the now empty can into the bin after one last swig. AKIRA: "It's just unfortunate that doesn't really count for much in this world.” .png) AKIRA: "When I said that I was leaving for Scotland, I was doing it because a good position opened up in our company's headquarters. When our folks told me that when we were at their place, though, they also gave Lilly a summons to rejoin them in Inverness.”
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Feb 16, 2022 14:58
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It's interesting how the two characters I find the most comprehensible and accessible (Emi and Lilly) are the two routes that have engaged the most strongly with Hisao's disability and its consequences. At this point Hisao's health is genuinely scary. Also c'mon, cultural history of classical Athens isn't going to be in an anthropology department! At a Japanese university that would be in European Studies or history! Anyway, a blogger I like who mostly writes about subway construction costs and transit planning wrote something recently about disability in transit planning: https://pedestrianobservations.com/2022/02/11/notes-on-accessibility-and-chronic-pain/
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Feb 16, 2022 15:48
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Having a heart (or heart-related, in my case*) problem is weird. On one hand, it's really invisible most of the time, so you feel like "oh, it's okay if push myself a bit." But when it fucks up, it REALLY fucks up. So you end up in this weird yoyo where you're like "yeah I'm fine", then you exert yourself and it is Not Fine, and then that passes and the cycle starts again. Spoilered for non-explicit goon sex talk, hopefully this is okay: oh, Hisao  yeah this is an issue. I thought I was ace for a long time til I got my diagnosis and realised the reason I wasn't, ahem, enjoying myself was the major and definitely abnormal heart palpitations. Poor kid. And it's not like a doctor is gonna tell him "yeah, avoid doing x or y during sex because it's likely to trigger an attack, but z should be fine" because we all like to pretend teenagers aren't horny.*(it's complicated but essentially, bad nervous system=bad everything but especially heart)
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Feb 16, 2022 19:29
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As in many other things in KS, Lilly is the Gallant to Shizune's Goofus when it comes to kink. In this case, Hisao had full control, was able to clearly communicate, and was able (if not entirely willing) to end things immediately when they started going wrong. It was still messy, awkward teenage sex, but there was no risk of Lilly accidentally murdering Hisao just by having him wear the blindfold (well, aside from the tripping hazard).
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Feb 17, 2022 00:28
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Falconier111 posted:AKIRA: "When I said that I was leaving for Scotland, I was doing it because a good position opened up in our company's headquarters. When our folks told me that when we were at their place, though, they also gave Lilly a summons to rejoin them in Inverness.” I enjoyed the speculations over what had Lilly so troubled, but there you have it, folks. Also that makes the Satous just as bad as Shizune's dad, loving off to the other side of the world and leaving a disabled child in the care of a 19 y.o. just starting law school. And then acting like they can just get them back when it's convenient. They're very lucky that Akira and Lilly aren't in much worse shape, psychologically or otherwise.
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Feb 17, 2022 00:46
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