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Echoing the sentiments regarding the writing here. I don't remember much about this route other than being really frustrated trying to get the good end. Falconier mentioned it briefly, but Rin's route is on a whole different level compared to the others mechanically, and I wasn't super great about intuiting the "correct" path through. It'll be interesting to see if it's any more obvious to me now.Evil Kit posted:This is bothering me a bit and could probably be answered by going back and rereading Emi's route, but I guess Emi and Rin know about Hisao's condition where as the other girls didn't at this point? It just threw me off a tad when Rin just casually mentions it and Hisao takes it in stride vs the previous two routes we've seen where he clearly goes out of his way to hide it. Context kinda answers my question already but man it feels a little off putting when put next to Hanako and Shizune's routes where he hid it. The way I interpret it is that the "default" Hisao is reasonably open about it, but in Hanako and Shizune's routes he's much more private about it to reinforce themes. For Hanako, he actually tells Lilly but doesn't tell Hanako (though IIRC Lilly actually shares it with her) because he's trying to "protect" her and part of that is hiding his problems. Part of the good ending is him showing her the scar on his chest, which shows vulnerability and transitions to a relationship between equals rather than him unilaterally acting like a parent. And I already expounded some on how Shizune's route is about communication and putting on a show of strength: his relationship with Shizune is explicitly based gamesmanship and not displaying weakness (which is a really lovely basis for a relationship).
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Dec 4, 2021 04:31
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Karia posted:Echoing the sentiments regarding the writing here. I don't remember much about this route other than being really frustrated trying to get the good end. Falconier mentioned it briefly, but Rin's route is on a whole different level compared to the others mechanically, and I wasn't super great about intuiting the "correct" path through. It'll be interesting to see if it's any more obvious to me now. I think I said it earlier, but this is the only route in Katawa Shoujo that I got a bad end on, and it was due to one particular choice. I don't like the way it was presented - though I think it was intentional... but hey, we'll get there when we get there. Basically it's a difficult route.
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Dec 4, 2021 07:40
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Dec 4, 2021 11:05
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I read a summary of Rin's route (picked at random) when this thread first started because I was incredibly sceptical of the "4chan dating simulator" concept, and I think it really set my expectations too high for the other routes.
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Dec 4, 2021 15:15
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Update 90: Eternity in an Hour (Act 2, Scenes 6-8) Katawa Shoujo OST ~ Passing of Time .png) Katawa Shoujo OST - Fripperies Having exhausted the books Kenji lent me in just a few nights, I go back to the library, deeming it a safer alternative for getting my reading fix. I return the books he had stolen while I'm at it, to Yuuko's delight. I don't tell her where I got them, though. .png)  YUUKO: "Wow, you sure read a lot, don't you?"  HISAO: "Yeah, I guess I do. I mean, I do. Even I think it's weird. I think I might have a reading problem. Maybe I'm a junkie." YUUKO: "No no, I didn't mean it that way. It's not weird at all, and being addicted to reading is a lot better than being addicted to... to something else." HISAO: "Yeah, I know. It was a joke." I smile at her reassuringly and drop the books on the counter so Yuuko can check them out. I feel tired, so I sit down in the vacant chair in front of her desk. While Yuuko goes through the modest pile of reading material I found, I let my gaze wander around the library. At the tables, a pair of girls is chattering in hushed tones rather than working on their homework. The short-haired one notices me looking in their direction and waves at me. When I raise my hand back, they glance at each other and giggle in unison. I'm not sure how I should feel about that, so I decide it's a good thing. The one who waved at me has a horrible case of epilepsy. I saw her having an attack a few days ago. It was one of the most disturbing and scary things I've seen in a very long time. Yet, there she is, happily chirping away about whatever, as if she doesn't have a care in the world. HISAO: “You know, this school is really something else.” Yuuko raises her eyes from the books she was going through, slightly startled. She adjusts her glasses and puts on a nervous, confused smile. YUUKO: "What do you mean?" HISAO: "I don't really know how to explain it. It's just that everyone's so... active, or ...how should I put it? It's not just the festival thing, I think, even though I haven't been here that long, but it's everything. People talk more, work harder and just... are... more than in any other school I've seen before." I'm struggling for words, but it feels like I'm speaking honestly. .png) HISAO: "This school feels so alive." >"It's refreshing." >"It makes me feel like I'm stuck."  We decided on going with stability, so we’re sticking to it here. >”It makes me feel like I’m stuck.” HISAO: "I feel like I need to start moving in some direction, too. That's how this school makes me feel." The only difference this choice makes (in the short term) is which of a couple lines Hisao says before Yuuko butts in. We’re going with this one, but I think the other choice is worth mentioning before we go on: A hypothetical Update 90 posted:HISAO: "Sure, there were some people like this in my old school, too, but not as many. And it feels more intense, somehow. I think, if I had to pin it down to one thing, that the students here really appreciate going to school." YUUKO: "I don't think that's a bad thing." HISAO: "Yeah, me neither." Suddenly I realize that I've just been babbling my thoughts to Yuuko, out of the blue. She's a bit of a jumpy person, so I fear I might've made a bad impression. She's looking at me with what I hope is curiosity rather than horror, so I figure she's all right. HISAO: "Sorry for suddenly talking about weird stuff like this. I didn't mean to trouble you." YUUKO: "Oh no, it's not troubling. I'm happy to listen if you feel like talking. It makes me feel a little reliable, too." Yuuko smiles sweetly and a little bit ironically at that. I respond with a thankful smile of my own. As she pushes the neat stack of books across the counter, I stand up and gather them in my arms. YUUKO: "Here you are." HISAO: "Thank you." YUUKO: "I guess we'll be meeting each other again. Please come here anytime." Yuuko's kindness is heartwarming. HISAO: "You can count on it. See you later." Katawa Shoujo OST ~ Passing of Time .png) While each writer had control of their route, they also frequently pulled in other writers to help, whether borrowing text from each other’s scenes, calling them in the right scenes where their characters showed up, and, in Hanako’s case, finish the route itself when the guy in charge had to leave the project. Iwanako’s letter is an example of the former, as is this scene – for the most part. We saw a version of this scene back in Emi’s route, but keep an eye out for the differences. (Silence, Crowd Sounds) The morning of the track meet greets me with a brilliant sunshine from a crystal blue sky. While I leisurely stroll towards the track, I decide this is a good sign. Of what, I'm not sure; this event isn't as exciting for me as it seems to be for a large portion of the student body. I'm even less interested in watching sports than I am in participating, but cheering for Emi is a good cause. I'm not expecting this to be any sort of amazing and spectacular experience, but it can't hurt. I'd probably be spending the time reading while cooped up in my room, otherwise. .png) When I approach the bleachers, I spot Rin emerging from the crowd right before she spots me.  RIN: "You came." HISAO: "Of course. I said I would, didn't I?" RIN: "That doesn't necessarily imply that you had to follow through. Lots of people say things and don't mean them." HISAO: "Well, I don't." Katawa Shoujo OST - Air Guitar Rin shrugs. Seemingly bored with our conversation, she turns on her heel and heads back toward the stands. HISAO: "So, are you excited about this?" RIN: "Not really." HISAO: "Me neither." RIN: "Then why did you come?" HISAO: "Why did you?" She doesn't reply at all, so I decide not to, either. We enter the bleachers, and Rin nods upwards. RIN: "Up there." Rin leads the way, and soon we've settled down on an almost-empty bench. .png) There's an older woman sitting next to Rin - someone's mother, I assume. She's got rather long hair done up in a braid. On seeing Rin, she gives her an oddly familiar-seeming grin.  MEIKO: "Well, this is surprising. I thought you went to get a snack, not a boy." HISAO: "Huh?" RIN: "This is no good?" The woman laughs at Rin and shakes her head, apparently unable to find a comeback for that. I know the feeling. MEIKO: "Well, I suppose you've always been one to go out for one thing and bring back another. But I'm being rude! I haven't introduced myself. I'm Meiko Ibarazaki. I'm sure that if you know this girl, you've at least met my daughter, too. Pleased to meet you." Well, that explains it. She's like a taller, older, more motherly Emi. Apart from her hair being somewhat darker than her daughter's, there's really no mistaking the resemblance. HISAO: "Sorry, I'm Hisao. Hisao Nakai. Nice to meet you." RIN: "I'm Rin Tezuka." Mrs. Ibarazaki laughs again - she really does resemble her offspring - and then leans back a little on her seat and raises an eyebrow. (Sudden Silence) MEIKO: "So, now that we all know each other, how long have you and Rin been dating?" My response consists of silence as my brain suddenly lurches into gear. But just before I can begin to utter a hastily babbled explanation, Emi's mother bursts into laughter again. Katawa Shoujo OST - Air Guitar MEIKO: "Ha! You're a blusher, aren't you?" I don't know if there's any way to keep my dignity in this situation, so I settle for a mumbled response. HISAO: "We're not—" MEIKO: "I know, but it's funny to watch you squirm. I'm sorry. Forgive an old woman her amusements." She chuckles again to herself. Old woman? She sure doesn't look that old to me. HISAO: "I suppose I can let it go." MEIKO: "How kind of you." RIN: "It's starting." (Silence, Crowd Sounds Stop) .png) I direct my attention to the track, where they're preparing for the first sprint. It looks like the 400 meter dash. My eyes scan the runners, before finding Emi. She's smiling, with an almost cocky look on her face. The starter raises his pistol. (Pistol Shot, Emi Running Sound Effect) .png) Emi explodes off the block, disappearing from the starting line in a blur. It's amazing. Even as the other sprinters converge on the lanes closest to the inside line, Emi surges to the front of the pack. By the time she rounds the final turn, a few of the other runners have caught up with her. But she puts on a final burst of speed that leaves them at least a half second behind. (Emi Running Effect Stops, Crowd Cheering) .png) Mrs. Ibarazaki whoops and shouts, applauding wildly, and generally looking like any other parent cheering on their child. Katawa Shoujo OST - Daylight Emi bounds off the track, looking pleased with herself. I cheer right along with the rest of them. The announcer (sounding suspiciously like Misha) gleefully gives the results. MEIKO: "I think she's gotten faster since the last time." HISAO: "That was incredible." Mrs. Ibarazaki grins proudly. MEIKO: "Emi's a heck of a runner." We fall silent as the next event prepares to start. I'm surprised to see Emi striding out onto the track again. HISAO: "Wait, didn't she just run?" Emi's mother nods. MEIKO: "Yes, but she runs multiple events for the team. Especially the sprints. It's a lot of running, but Emi can handle it." From the looks of things, she's right. Emi doesn't appear to be tired, as if she hadn't run the previous event at all. If not for the sweat visible on her shirt, you'd never know. HISAO: "Which event is this?" MEIKO: "It's the 200 meter dash. She'll do this one, the 100-meter, and the relay." HISAO: "I see." (Pistol Shot, Emi Running Sound Effect) Once again the pistol sounds, and once again Emi flies off the block. A thumping sound draws my attention away from the race. It's Rin's foot. She seems completely absorbed in the race. (Cheers, Running Effect Stops) Emi's mother cheers again, and I assume that the race is over. Sprints don't seem to me like they'd take very long to complete. HISAO: "Your foot." RIN: "Hmm?" HISAO: "Your foot was bouncing on the bleachers." RIN: "Oh." HISAO: "You seem pretty into this stuff. I'm surprised; I thought you said this wouldn't be exciting." RIN: "Hmm, I suppose you're right. It's not that interesting. But I'm watching Emi, not the sport." HISAO: "I don't follow." RIN: "Emi's the most Emi when she runs. You don't get to see Emi at her Emiest very often. But here, you can. See?" She directs my attention toward the track again, where the 100-meter dash is about to start. (Silence) I watch Emi closely. As she gets onto the starter blocks, her whole body seems to relax, but it's a false relaxation. I can see that she's actually like a coiled spring. .png) As the starter tells everyone to get set, her head snaps up, and her eyes narrow slightly. Her mouth curls upward in what could be a grin and could be a growl. (Pistol Shot, Emi Running Sound Effect) When the pistol goes off, it's as if she's been unleashed from a cage, like she was always moving at this blinding speed, but we couldn't see it happening until the starter's pistol dispelled the illusion of motionlessness. (Cheers, Running Effect Stops) As soon as she crossed the finish line, the fierce look was replaced by her normal grin. The conquering general returning to his farm. HISAO: "Amazing. She's really amazing. I've never seen someone move that fast." MEIKO: "Well don't look at me, I'm far too relaxed to run that fast. No, I think Emi's prowess all came from her father's side." At the mention of Emi's father, Mrs. Ibarazaki looks wistful, almost sad. MEIKO: "He got her into running, you know." HISAO: "Ah, really? I didn't know that." I leave it at that, and don't say anything for a little while. I get the feeling this is something personal I shouldn't ask about. A beeping noise suddenly emanates from Mrs. Ibarazaki's pocket. Reaching into it, she pulls out a cell phone and looks at it. MEIKO: "...Honestly, text messages? What is he, sixteen?" HISAO: "Hmm?" MEIKO: "Oh, nothing. I've got to go meet up with a friend of mine. Will you tell Emi I'm very proud of her and that I'll call her later tonight?" HISAO: "Of course." Katawa Shoujo OST - Afternoon While waiting for the relay to start, I peer at Rin. She seems uninterested in her surroundings, myself included. Katawa Shoujo OST - Afternoon (Muffled) That remark she made before is still stuck in my head. “Emi's the most Emi when she runs.” It does make sense, now that I think about it. After seeing her run now, I can believe that Emi gives her all on the track. Sports are more than a hobby or even a competition, to her. They're a defining aspect of her life. What about Rin, then? Does she feel the same way about art? Considering the persistence she displayed before the festival, I could easily believe it. Did I see Rin at her “most Rin” when she was painting the mural? Katawa Shoujo OST - Afternoon The relay's about to begin, but I don't see Emi anywhere. HISAO: "I thought Emi ran the relay." RIN: "She runs anchor. So she won't be running for a while yet." HISAO: "Ah." RIN: "Did you see it?" HISAO: "Huh?" RIN: "Emi at her Emiest." HISAO: "Maybe." RIN: "Hmm. Maybe this time." The race begins, and I cheer Emi's teammates along as they pass the baton. Finally, I see Emi sprinting onto the track to take the final handoff. Once again I'm taken aback by how graceful she looks when she runs. It really is beautiful. The look of determination and fearlessness on her face only adds to the picture. Emi at her Emiest, I suppose. (Pistol Shot, Emi Running Sound Effect) Finally, I see Emi sprinting onto the track to take the final handoff. Once again I'm taken aback by how graceful she looks when she runs. It really is beautiful. The look of determination and fearlessness on her face only adds to the picture. Emi at her Emiest, I suppose. (Cheers, Running Effect Stops) Emi flies across the finishing line with a great leap, just barely ahead of the next runners, but still in first. RIN: "Well, let's go down. Gotta crown the victor. See if you can find a laurel branch." HISAO: "That's not going to be easy." Rin shrugs. RIN: "At least we tried." (Silence, Crowd Sounds) Emi is surrounded by her teammates, all of them congratulating her on the run. Rin seems to be waiting for Emi to notice that she's arrived. It doesn't seem her style to draw attention to herself. Or to emote beyond shrugging. Being more impatient than Rin, I wave to Emi in her stead. She looks up and grins happily at us. Katawa Shoujo OST - Standing Tall (Emi’s Theme) (Crowd Sounds Continue) .png)  EMI: "Hey, you showed up!" RIN: "We would have brought you a crown of laurels, but Hisao didn't find one." HISAO: "Neither did you." RIN: "It wasn't my job to look." HISAO: "When did we assign jobs?" RIN: "When I said “See if you can find a laurel branch.” Try to keep up." I shrug. Guess Rin's rubbing off on me. HISAO: "Seems it's my fault after all, Emi." Emi laughs at Rin and me. EMI: "It's okay, I'm sure you'll make it up to me somehow." HISAO: "Uh, sure." EMI: "Good! So, how'd I look?" HISAO: "Very impressive." Emi seems pleased with this assessment. I don't mention how much more impressive her performance is given her lack of legs. I figure she knows that already. Besides, it seems like it would take away from her efforts, somehow. EMI: "Great to hear! I was worried that I looked a little slow on the relay, but I guess I did fine, huh?" Emi giggles, and then seems to remember something. EMI: "Oh, before I forget... Rin and I are going to do something next Sunday as a post-track meet celebration! You should come along! Normally we do it the day after, but since today is Sunday, I've got homework and class and all that stuff to take care of." HISAO: "Oh sure, I'd love to." EMI: "Great! It's a promise, then!" HISAO: "Oh, right. Your mom wanted to say she's proud of you. She'll call you later tonight." EMI: "I thought I saw her in the stands! I'm glad she made it!" TEAMMATE: "Hey, Emi! You're going to miss the medal ceremony!" EMI: "Oh yeah, thanks!" She turns to Rin and myself. EMI: "You don't have to stick around for this part. It takes forever. Besides, you should get cracking on your homework now if you don't want to be up late, Hisao." (Silence, Crowd Sounds Continue) Emi skips back to her teammates, leaving me and Rin by ourselves. Neither of us has the slightest interest in the post-competition ceremonies, so we silently get away and back to the quad. Rin yawns without even trying to restrain herself and shuffles her feet around restlessly. I feel awkward, but less so than if I was with someone else. Still, I'm left hanging, not knowing what I should say next. HISAO: "Emi was great, wasn't she?" RIN: "She was great. I am very jealous of her." HISAO: "Why?" RIN: "Like I said, don't you think it's great to be able to really be yourself?" It sounds weird, coming from Rin. HISAO: "I don't think you, of all people, should have trouble finding a way to express yourself. Don't you have your paintings?" (Sudden Silence) .png) She turns to look at me. For the first time, I see in her eyes this strange, hollow expression that I think must be unique to her. RIN: "No, you see, the problem is that I'm not really sure who I am." Katawa Shoujo OST ~ Passing of Time .png) (Silence) Today's art club meeting is currently on hold while everyone waits for Nomiya to show up. I take this time to try and explain my theory about Yamaku to Rin. I've tried to figure out what exactly about the school feels so special to me; that concept I unsuccessfully tried to explain to Yuuko the other day. It's still difficult, but the track meet and the time I've spent observing my fellow students have helped my ideas mature a little. HISAO: "Have you noticed that people talk all the time? I can't really explain it, but..." Once again, as I try to explain my observation, I'm struggling for words. The student body is heavily cliqued, and I'm only now beginning to make sense of the intricate grouping and popularity networks. And yet, the feeling of being a part of a group is stronger here than I remember it being in my old schools. HISAO: "I'm trying to say that this school isn't like other schools. Or at least, the students aren't, even after discounting the obvious. ...Do you know what I mean?" RIN: "I don't know what you mean." HISAO: "Oh, well... whatever, then." I want to pursue the issue, but at that point, Nomiya arrives. Katawa Shoujo OST - Fripperies The teacher is wiping sweat from his forehead with a handkerchief and breathing rather heavily. He quickly glances over the room, then settles down a bit. .png)  NOMIYA: "Hello, hello; apologies for being late. Is everyone present? Good! I must confess, I haven't really planned anything for today as I have been extremely busy, lately. But I'm sure we can come up with something entertaining. Anyone have any suggestions? I was thinking we could have a discussion circle since we haven't had one in a while. I, at least, found the last one magnificently enjoyable." There are some murmurs here and there, but nobody raises their voice in support of or against Nomiya. NOMIYA: "We could delve into various movements of art. Or does someone have a good topic in mind? Come on, throw it out there. It doesn't matter if it's silly or odd, we can always cook up something interesting!" Nobody seems to be brave enough to make such a suggestion. As the awkward silence refuses to be broken, I lift my hand in the air. NOMIYA: "Oho? Our newest friend seems to have something on his mind. Speak up, my boy, speak up!" HISAO: "Um, well... I don't know about anyone else, but I've always wondered why art exists in the first place." (Silence) My voice trails off. A silence sets in the room, and nobody makes a followup on my meek suggestion. Then, the teacher bursts in laughter. NOMIYA: "Hohoho, excellent! Very good, very good indeed. Right out of the gate with the big one, huh? Fabulous!" Chuckling, he shifts some papers around on his desk for a few moments. When he's done, he appears to have made some sort of decision. NOMIYA: "Very well, then. Let us run with this and see where it gets us, shall we? Oh my, even an old fogey like me gets excited when such delicious enthusiasm is present. Oh my, indeed. Let me gather my thoughts a moment so I can figure out a good starting point for everyone." For some reason the teacher seems to be almost literally bursting with excitement. He scribbles a few things down on a loose sheet of paper, then cleans his glasses with the handkerchief. He strikes a pose, then freezes for an overtly dramatic, artistic pause that spans what must be half a minute. It's so quiet I could hear a pin drop. Katawa Shoujo OST - Everyday Fantasy NOMIYA: "First, let's come up with a few questions that we want answered, such as “What is art?” and “Why does art exist?” Anyone have any questions that might be related?" The boy with sunglasses pipes up almost immediately. His voice is soft and quiet, and I have a hard time making out what he says. SUNGLASSES BOY: "What defines an artist?" After him, another question comes up. STUDENT: "If I fill a cardboard box with water and call it art, is it art?" Everyone laughs at that, even the teacher. NOMIYA: "Great! Wonderful, all of these! Let me start by saying that this is not a clear-cut issue by any means, and as such, I'm not going to give any answers to you. I'm only going to speak from my own perspective. Scholars have argued about these sorts of questions since time immemorial, and there has never really been a broadly applicable consensus reached. There are, however, some qualities that most tend to generally agree upon. Hopefully, you all should find these acceptable as well. In short, art defines itself. It simply cannot be contained to a definition from the outside, since the boundaries of art expand and contract from forces within. Every day, someone somewhere comes up with something completely outrageous that challenges any and all preconceptions. The core reason for this is that rather than the rational side of the mind, art appeals to the intuition, the instinct, the primal. You would find it very hard to explain why exactly it is that you enjoy some particular style or piece, no?" He doesn't wait for a response before continuing. NOMIYA: "This is exactly why. So, art is this sort of wild, uncontrollable thing that lurks somewhere deep in our subconscious. Now, why does it exist?" Nomiya apparently expects someone to pipe up with a guess, but as nobody dares to interrupt his inspired speech, he continues. NOMIYA: "It was a trick question! You see, art also validates itself. Generally speaking, you might say that art exists for no other purpose than itself. It's something that exists merely to leave a mark in history. It's the defiance of a mortal against the face of darkness, as was once said. Art is truly the proof of our existence. You all should know that human culture and civilization are tightly tied to the existence of art. Then, what about artists? What drives a man to dedicate his life to a thing so fickle and mysterious that it even defies definition? There are as many answers for this as there are artists, but if I had to put it into words... an artist doesn't make art because he can, but because he must." Nomiya takes a pause, and his gaze sweeps over his audience, eyes flaring with passion. NOMIYA: "It is obvious that art touches the very soul of each and every human being in one way or another. So, if you were given a chance to connect with your fellow man in such a fundamental way, how could you not? There is a poem I'm very much fond of, and I shall recite the most well-known part of it to you now. I feel that, for me personally, of all possible things it captures best the essence of what it means to be an artist." (Silence) Nomiya leans against the desk as he clears his throat in preparation. Looking at some distant place, he utters the words in the heavy afternoon air with his soft basso voice. Katawa Shoujo OST - To Become One NOMIYA: "To see a world in a grain of sand and a heaven in a wild flower, hold infinity in the palm of your hand and eternity in an hour.” There is a solemn and unbelievably awkward silence after he finishes reciting the short fragment. Nobody dares speak a word. Nomiya clears his throat again. NOMIYA: "To be an artist is to see the world in a grain of sand. You see, dear children, without art, there would not be much to live for in this world. It is a most profound thing." He is clearly touched by this notion. I almost expect to see a lone tear rolling down his rough cheek, but it never comes. I turn to Rin and whisper to her. HISAO: "So how is this a discussion circle?" She shrugs nonchalantly back at me. RIN: "The previous ones were the same." To his credit, Nomiya does try to get some debate going, but the club seems to be reluctant to comply. I feel a bit guilty about opening my mouth. Maybe we would've been spared from this. Katawa Shoujo OST - School Days As the meeting comes to a close, I realize we haven't once touched any paint or pens today, and I feel somewhat disappointed. .png) Nomiya suddenly appears next to us. He seems to be still fired up from the speech he delivered. His cologne smells musky and saccharine at the same time, giving me an instant headache, even though I'm not sensitive to perfumes. He is looking at Rin like a hungry wolf. NOMIYA: "Tezuka, do you remember Mrs. Saionji, who visited us at the festival?" RIN: "I think so." NOMIYA: "I'm going to tell you something amazing. The thing is, she's a very well-known gallerist around here. It turns out I might be able to get her to consider having some of your work put on display." He ends his sentence with a dramatic gesture. It seems he's expecting Rin to show some sort of joyous, shocked reaction at such grand news, but she just stares at him blankly. NOMIYA: "Magnificent, isn't it? This could be a real chance for us to get ahead, girl." RIN: "But..." NOMIYA: "Now now, I know what you're about to say. Yes, it wouldn't be a simple affair, but I think this is an absolutely fantastic opportunity. Frankly, I wouldn't be surprised at all if we even made it big! This could be the first step! And then, when the word is out, we strike while the iron is hot! Right, Nakai?" HISAO: "Er, yeah, it does sound pretty great. If you're into that kind of thing." NOMIYA: "See? We should definitely not let this one pass, am I right?" (Silence) .png) RIN: "I don't... really." Rin seems to be troubled for some reason. I can't figure out why. What Nomiya is saying does indeed sound like a possibly great thing. She looks pretty down though, and confused. I've never seen her like this. NOMIYA: "So, what do you think?" Rin looks up to her teacher's glowing face, then back down at her desk. RIN: "I'll think about it." Nomiya is at last taken slightly aback by Rin's lack of superlative delight. Then he smiles widely at her and gently pats her head. NOMIYA: "Good girl." The club meeting is finally over, and as I lazily collect my things and help clean up, I start feeling exhausted, for some reason. There isn't much to do, however, so it's over quickly.
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Dec 6, 2021 17:14
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quote:NOMIYA: "Magnificent, isn't it? This could be a real chance for us to get ahead, girl." Oh, I don't like that at all. A chance for us, is it? What exactly did you contribute to Rin's art? I have a bad feeling about this guy.
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Dec 6, 2021 18:02
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quote:Nomiya is at last taken slightly aback by Rin's lack of superlative delight. Then he smiles widely at her and gently pats her head. Well, that isn't super condescending and creepy at all. I'm sensing where Rin's conflict arc is going to come from.
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Dec 6, 2021 19:20
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Is dressing like a color-blind thrift store refugee art? I love Rin's avatar; she's the most expressive.
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Dec 6, 2021 19:24
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Rin's nonlinear approach to conversations resonates with me both for reasons that I've touched on before with my own issues and other, interesting issues I'll get into later on in the route. But I am for sure getting that dreaded "gifted and talented" vibe from how her teacher is treating her.
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Dec 7, 2021 02:46
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Falconier111 posted:To his credit, Nomiya does try to get some debate going, but the club seems to be reluctant to comply. I feel a bit guilty about opening my mouth. Maybe we would've been spared from this. This takes me back to art theory lectures at Uni; no-one really wanted to engage with the lecturer during those either!  I felt bad for the lecturer; he was really good - and reasonably (but not obnoxiously) energetic about it. Much better than Nomiya here. Maybe the other students were like me, and just felt too shy to speak up in front of everyone... combined with those art theory subjects being something we had to take as part of our various degrees, but not the core reason we were there. (Multimedia, TV production, graphic design, etc.) I did find some of the art theory stuff kind of interesting, but it wasn't what I was there for.
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Dec 7, 2021 04:49
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Falconier111 posted:I leave it at that, and don't say anything for a little while. I get the feeling this is something personal I shouldn't ask about. A beeping noise suddenly emanates from Mrs. Ibarazaki's pocket. Reaching into it, she pulls out a cell phone and looks at it. Muto and Meiko are "special friends" confirmed? ChrisBTY fucked around with this message at 12:01 on Dec 8, 2021 |
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Dec 8, 2021 11:56
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ChrisBTY posted:Muto and Meiko are "special friends" confirmed? Think that's supposed to be the Nurse, but who knows? Update 91: Underwater and a Maple with a Name (Act 2, Scenes 9-10) (Silence) I catch up to Rin who left the club room just a moment earlier, so we're walking down the stairs to the ground floor while I try to go over Nomiya's passionate speech about art, and Rin seems to be lost in thought. Not an unusual state for her, I've learned, but something about her expression makes me feel uneasy. HISAO: "Penny for your thoughts." RIN: "That'd be too cheap." HISAO: "You're just overpricing your thoughts." RIN: "I wouldn't be able to sell them anyway. I'm not sure what I'm thinking yet. That'd be fraud too, like stealing a candy from a baby." HISAO: "That's theft, not fraud." RIN: "I have to think about what I think." HISAO: "Is this about what the teacher said? Getting your work put on display and all that?" She doesn't answer, but stops in her tracks as we reach the lobby. We're the only people around, so it's very quiet. Footsteps echo from a few floors up as someone hurries along a hallway. .png) RIN: "I think I'm going to go somewhere elsewhere." I think she really is troubled. HISAO: "Want company? I can't promise much help with the thinking, but it's not like I have much else to do, and I'm supposed to do some light exercise." RIN: "If you like." (Nature Sounds) .png) Rin leads me outside, to the wall behind the dormitories. There is a small back gate there, made from the same wrought iron as the main gate. It leads to the shadowy woodland park behind the school. The gate is rusty, as if it hasn't seen much use. However, it sits open, so we pass through. It's not forbidden for students to leave the grounds, but somehow I feel a little uneasy. .png) A path leads deeper into the forest. Tall zelkova and maple trees rustle in the wind, their canopies creating patches of chill air hanging in the places where the shadows fall. The forest smells strongly of earth. I almost feel cold, even though the midsummer day is as hot as ever. Rin trudges ahead like a sleepwalker, surefooted but with no apparent destination in mind. Her thoughts seem to be somewhere else. I follow a few steps behind, taking more care to watch where my feet land. The path follows the land uphill at a low angle, sometimes making little detours downhill before climbing back upward. The muted brown and gray trunks line the path on both sides, peppered with ferns and other undergrowth. After a little while, I start getting worried. The path is still wide and clear, so there's no chance of getting lost, but it doesn't look like we have any particular destination. There's nothing wrong with a bit of aimless wandering around, but I don't want to go so far that I get too tired to walk back. I'm starting to get a little winded and my legs feel heavy. I want to stop and get a chance to catch my breath and rest my legs, but Rin keeps on going. HISAO: "Where are we going? Or are we going anywhere at all?" RIN: "Worry Tree." HISAO: "I see. So what exactly is the Worry Tree?" RIN: "It's just a tree. Like this." .png) She stops in front of a particularly large maple that might or might not be the Worry Tree. Its lush green leaves sway lightly in the breeze blowing through the small clearing we entered. HISAO: "I guessed as much." RIN: "There are people who believe that you must come here to wallow in misery, if you are miserable, only by “people” I mean me, and the tree isn't really called anything." HISAO: "So... if you're miserable, you talk to a tree about it?" RIN: "No. What? You can't talk to trees. What do you think I am, crazy?" HISAO: "No... I didn't mean it like that." RIN: "Or maybe you talk to trees? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that you are crazy. Even though you probably are if you talk to trees. I wouldn't recommend it in either case. People will think you are a weird person." HISAO: "No, I... just forget it." She looks mildly confused, for which I don't blame her at all. She tilts her head a little to the side, expression melting back to her usual one. RIN: "All right. I'm good at forgetting things." HISAO: "So why are were here? Are you miserable then?" I can't read the expression she makes. I hate how bad I am at interpreting Rin's mood. She doesn't answer right away, as if she herself isn't quite certain of her own mood. The blank stare changes into a more difficult expression as she shuffles her weight around. Finally, coming to a conclusion, Rin shrugs her shoulders. I've grown to seriously dislike that gesture. It doesn't mean anything. RIN: "Maybe. I just feel kind of like I'm sinking underwater. I don't know what I should do. I don't know where I should go, that's all. Maybe it's not a big deal but I thought walking might help. Kind of like, if I go somewhere I would know where I should go. I don't really know if it did. It really would've made sense if walking had helped to decide where to go. HISAO: "So you don't want to try to get an exhibition? Or rather, you don't know if you do? Can't decide?" Rin doesn't say anything for a while, arranging her thoughts in silence. The quiet is broken by birdsong from somewhere in the treetops, followed by rustling leaves as the bird takes flight. RIN: "Maybe. I'm not sure if I can have a thing like that. So far I've only painted for myself. I don't think I could have my things on display the way I am now. This me couldn't do it." Her reason sounds like a weak excuse. I make my trademark frown but she doesn't notice it. HISAO: "I don't get it. The teacher certainly thinks you could. I don't think he'd suggest it otherwise. Sounds like he's calling in favors from his friends, too." RIN: "I know. He's really done a lot for me. But this might be too much. Becoming someone who can do it might be pretty hard. Maybe I couldn't do it at all. He can't do it for me and if I let him try, I'd just sink deeper and deeper." Rin stands in front of the large maple and turns away from me. I want to close the few feet of distance between us and... I don't know. My irritation is suddenly gone, and I start feeling sympathetic to her. HISAO: "I know exactly how you feel. Well, maybe I don't, but still. I think I haven't felt like I was actually in control of my own life this whole year. I'm just helplessly going along with the flow. Like coming here to this school. I didn't really choose it myself. And I certainly didn't choose this time of my life to learn that I have... this condition." I still can't casually say the word aloud. HISAO: "It's like... yeah, it's exactly like being underwater. Like I can't even breathe." Rin turns to face me again, a sad expression on her face. .png) RIN: "Is that why you look so sad all the time? I don't want to look sad like you. Do I look to you like you look to me?" HISAO: "I don't look sad all the time. I just... don't know what I should be feeling. What kind of face I should be making." RIN: "Me neither. Do I look sad now?" HISAO: "Not really. You look like you always do, I think." RIN: "But I'm sinking. I should try to float. Up, like a rubber duck. Quack quack all yellow and creepy." I have to think for a few seconds about which direction I should pursue in this conversation, then I realize that it doesn't matter. HISAO: "You think rubber ducks are creepy?" RIN: "You don't? I think they look very creepy. Everything that has eyes but isn't alive is very disturbing. Like rubber ducks and reflections in mirrors." She plops down on the forest bed, leaning on the maple she named the Worry Tree. After wondering what to do for a minute, I sit down too, three feet apart from her. .png) The forest envelops us in its embrace, and its stillness falls upon the two of us. We sit there without speaking for a long while. I can literally feel the time passing. Patches of sunlight litter the small clearing in a pattern that echoes the maple canopies. One of them falls directly on me, warming me all the way to the bone. I wonder what I could do for myself, and maybe for Rin. For now, I just keep watching her from this distance. Sometimes she cranes her neck all the way back, so much that it looks almost painful, and stares up at the small patch of sky visible past the canopy of the Worry Tree. Sometimes she just stares blankly ahead, as if seeing something just beyond her reach. She keeps whispering to herself but so quietly that I can't hear her, even though I'm sitting right next to her. I only see her lips moving, like she was in the middle of a distant dream. I realize that right now, I no longer feel any of the intense loneliness I feel at night, just before falling asleep. I might be more like Rin than I thought. I can either give up and stay submerged under the weight of all the crap in my life, or try to change myself for the better. Her decision is different, yet the same. And unlike her, I know for sure that I can't stay like this forever. .png) I have to change. >I want to be more like Rin. >I want to be more like Emi. I think I got a little too clever with this one. “Platonic solids” referred to Emi’s platonic relationship with the protagonists, and “graveyard poetry” referred to a pre-romantic literary movement. But we went with platonic and so the Emi choice is canon for this run. I do think the Rin answer is worth touching on before we continue, though: A hypothetical Update 91 posted:Rin could probably do it. Even though she seems to doubt herself, I have no doubts about her strength. She could do it, even if she can't. =>I want to be more like Emi. Emi probably has done it. She's so happy and energetic, a runner girl without legs. If anyone has “beaten” a disability, it must be her. It makes me feel a little bit better too, and I lean back against the tree, breathing out deeply as if for the first time in a long time. We stay that way in the small clearing until the angle of sun changes and the chilly shadows deepen. No longer warm where we sit, we leave the forest, returning along the same path we took coming in. It doesn't seem like Rin has come to a decision. HISAO: "I wonder if it was a bad idea for me to come along." RIN: "It's all right. I don't mind. I'm sure the trees and dirt and rocks won't mind either. Did you mind?" HISAO: "No, not at all. I think it helped me too." .png) While we walk back towards the dormitories, the sky is changing to a deep ultramarine. The first summer stars twinkle softly from between spots in the canopy, barely visible like tiny fireflies. I become very self-conscious about Rin's presence. I haven't thought much about girls since things fell apart with Iwanako. This is kind of the same situation as then, but to be honest I don't think it really counts for much. Not with Rin. And yet... it feels good walking next to her, even if it isn't anything more than this. At first, I think Rin agitated me quite a bit with her unpredictable behavior. But recently, I feel I haven't had to be on my toes so much. I've managed to let myself go a little. It makes me feel satisfied, even though ultimately I think it's more thanks to Rin than myself. She seems to be disinterested in a huge number of things, but something in her makes me try harder than I normally would. It's not that I want to impress her; I think that truly impressing Rin would take near-superhuman effort just because of how she is. Instead, it's because there is this relentless feeling inside of me that I shouldn't let Rin down. It's really weird. I wonder why I started thinking like that. I don't even know what sort of expectations she has about pretty much anything. So how could I let her down? Rin has this unassuming air around her, and she doesn't really talk about stuff very often. Even today's confession of her self-doubt caught me a little bit off guard. I feel like I want to talk more with her. The realization suddenly dawns on me that Rin is basically the only person I talk to nowadays, apart from whatever I have to endure from Shizune, Misha or Kenji. I feel slightly depressed. In front of the dormitories, as if summoned by my dark thoughts, we run into Kenji himself. It feels very odd seeing him outside, breathing fresh outdoor air. At least it's already dusk; I partially expect Kenji would disintegrate upon direct exposure to the sun. Kenji himself seems very insecure as well, standing around looking like he's waiting for something, but doesn't know himself what it might be. HISAO: "Hey, Kenji. What're you doing?" RIN: "Hello." (Nature Sounds Stop Suddenly) .png)  KENJI: "Who're you?" HISAO: "It's me, Hisao. Umm... I'm not sure if you know Tezuka from class 3-4?" From his face I can see that not only he doesn't know Rin, he also can't see her from this short distance. Katawa Shoujo OST - Out of the Loop .png) KENJI: "Oh, sup dudes?" Kenji sticks his hand enthusiastically forward, almost straight into Rin's stomach. Rin looks at his outstretched hand in confusion until Kenji clears his throat and retracts the hand. There is something almost cool that he manages to do with social awkwardness. It's not like I'm the most suave man on the planet, but I don't think I'll ever be able to even approach Kenji's level. I think I respect Kenji a little bit more. HISAO: "So you're waiting for someone?" He leans closer and lowers his voice to an agitated whisper. I see his facial muscles twitching. KENJI: "Come on man, you know I can't talk about stuff here in public. They might be listening. I'm going to have to go pick up some stuff from somewhere, and I don't want those snooping student council hags to get on my case. Also, I don't trust your friend. Nothing personal. Are you sure he's trustworthy?" I briefly consider telling Kenji about Rin's gender, but as it might end up badly for one or both of them, I decide against it. HISAO: "Yeah, I'm sure." He turns from me to Rin, and I immediately get the feeling that I have to prevent them from talking to each other with whatever means necessary. However, there is little I can do now, apart from physical violence. KENJI: "In that case, would you be interested in knowing about the worst threat to mankind since they invented vegetarianism?" He sounds like a vacuum cleaner salesman. RIN: "I thought it was Sunday." KENJI: "I see you're not in the know. Yeah man, I'm talking about man-eating cows here. Very few people know what I know, so I'm not surprised. We can't talk here, but if you'd like a pamphlet, come to my room after curfew on Mondays or Wednesdays." He suddenly reaches to his pocket and draws out a ballpoint pen and what looks like a convenience store receipt. Kenji furiously scribbles on the scrap of paper and then thrusts it towards Rin. KENJI: "Here's the password. Memorize it and then eradicate any trace of this document. Eat it, burn it, dissolve in acid, whatever." I take the receipt from Kenji as Rin is unable to do so, and glance at it. It's indeed a receipt, apparently for two rice balls and five boxes of matches. I hope he is not planning to burn anything down. On the other side is written just one word. quote:HONEYMUFFIN I show it to Rin too, but she shows no reaction. RIN: "Thank you." KENJI: "Yo, Hisao. You still in that club? The club of dark arts?" HISAO: "Fine art. Anyway yeah, actually just had a meeting today." KENJI: "Still got your wits about you? No shady mind tricks going on? Nothing personal man, but I have to be on top of things. Can't get caught with my pants down. Speaking of which, you should really take showers a bit later. Gotta respect that personal space. Nothing personal." Kenji looks around as if he heard something and then straightens his jacket. KENJI: "Okay, I gotta scoot now before it gets too late. Later dudes. Good luck." (Silence, Nature Sounds) Kenji takes off rapidly towards the main gate. Rin looks after him, frowning. We watch after Kenji's diminishing figure in silence. RIN: "What's wrong with him?" HISAO: "Technically speaking, I think he's legally blind." RIN: "Oh. I see." Katawa Shoujo OST ~ Passing of Time .png) (Silence) .png) I can immediately tell from the envelope that it's not about official matters of any sort. Someone actually wrote me an old-fashioned, hand-written paper letter. Who bothers doing something like that in this day and age, anyway? Yet, as unlikely as the prospect of receiving one sounds, there is definitely a letter lying on my desk. The classes for the day are over. Still feeling pretty full from the big lunch that I had unexpectedly eaten at the cafeteria, I returned to my dorm, planning on finishing my homework and probably skipping dinner, or at least just eating light. I feel like I need to eat less than I used to. Maybe I don't use that much energy, now that I don't do much beyond reading. However, the letter on my desk has naturally caught my interest. It's the first piece of mail I've received here at Yamaku, so it'd feel special even if it wasn't something as rare as a handwritten letter. What causes me even more trepidation is the name of the sender, written neatly on the back of the envelope. Iwanako. I have no idea why she would write to me. I haven't been in contact with anyone from my old school since I transferred, and Iwanako is the last person I'd expect to want to write me a letter. Katawa Shoujo OST - Caged Heart The last time I saw Iwanako was terribly awkward; embarrassingly so. She came to my hospital room, peeled me an apple out of courtesy and then we practically sat in silence for half an hour. She said “goodbye” and didn't look me in the eye when she closed the door. It might've been a natural end to the series of visits that were probably pretty painful for both of us. Every time she visited me in the hospital I wanted to talk to her, but something stopped me every time. Every time that I didn't speak made the next time even harder. Iwanako always had this aura of fragility around her, as if she'd shatter into pieces at the slightest disturbance. Initially I think it might've been that delicacy that attracted me to her, but after what happened back then, it felt as if she really had shattered. She looked so sad that I didn't want to say anything that might upset her, and I never could figure out the right words to say. I told her that it wasn't her fault, she nodded and I really think she understood that if it hadn't been that, then sooner or later something else would've made my heart give out. Yet she looked so hopelessly sad every time she opened that door and entered my room. So I never managed to say the things I wanted to say. In the end, that might've hurt her even more. .png) Carefully, I open the envelope and draw out the folded letter from within. Iwanako’s Letter posted:Dear Hisao, After finishing reading the letter I fold it like it was, and place it on my desk. I don't know what to think of this. I feel empty and confused. Why now, after all this time? Just yesterday I decided that I can't let myself stay like this, that I'd try to get on top of my own life. Reading this letter just reminds me of what could have been. Of course I wish that I didn't have to be here. I'd want to be in the same class with Iwanako again. Maybe we would talk every day now and go on dates. My life didn't go like that. I didn't really need to be reminded of this. Iwanako needed to write this letter for her own sake and I'm glad for her that she could, but it would've been better if I hadn't read it. Of course, she is right. I thought of the same thing yesterday. I had fallen into a pit of depression and now have to try to climb out. I rip out a page from my notebook, and after a moment of thinking how to frame my words, write a short reply to Iwanako. I find it difficult to be really honest to her, but at least I try to appear somewhat convincing. I don't write her about Yamaku at all. I doubt she will write me again, but I don't feel at all sad about it. I fold my own letter to her and as I have no envelope, set it next to Iwanako's. I'll mail it to her later. Then I lie back on my bed, looking at the monotone gray ceiling. A bird sings outside of my window and a sudden gust of wind flutters my curtains. The summer afternoon feels still, as if time had stopped for a brief moment. I think about all the things I've lost and will never regain. Falconier111 fucked around with this message at 03:31 on Dec 10, 2021 |
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Dec 8, 2021 15:17
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Falconier111 posted:I can't read the expression she makes. I hate how bad I am at interpreting Rin's mood. She doesn't answer right away, as if she herself isn't quite certain of her own mood. The blank stare changes into a more difficult expression as she shuffles her weight around. Finally, coming to a conclusion, Rin shrugs her shoulders. I've grown to seriously dislike that gesture. It doesn't mean anything." It looks like you're missing a Rin headshot in this section. I don't have a whole lot to say about this route so far, but this is definitely a lot more interesting and better written, and I'm finding it significantly more enjoyable.
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Dec 8, 2021 15:52
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Explopyro posted:It looks like you're missing a Rin headshot in this section. gently caress, completely forgot I needed to fix that  E: Just got confirmation that every single participant in the latest round of recruiting got extended an offer. Hooray! I wasn't expecting that. I also know that they didn't properly examine the admission process and I think it screwed at least a couple of people out of attending. Boo! I was kind of expecting that, but I'm still not happy to see it. I think it's the kind of thing we can fix next year, though, I just hope the people it bit weren't discouraged enough not to attend next time. Falconier111 fucked around with this message at 04:54 on Dec 10, 2021 |
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Dec 10, 2021 03:31
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Update 92: In Her Own Image (Act 2, Scenes 11-12) Katawa Shoujo OST ~ Passing of Time .png) Katawa Shoujo OST - Nocturne .png) Thus the languid days of mid-June pass by. I mail my letter to Iwanako, and receive no reply. Having decided to ditch the old me, I start observing my fellow students even closer than I did before, hoping to understand how other people cope with their own issues. I start seeing things I didn't before, and it makes me wonder if I've been wrong twice. Superficially, everyone is abnormal yet so strikingly normal that it shocked me at first. I admired the way my new school mates turned my prejudices around just like that, simply by being themselves. Now that I've gotten used to it, I begin noticing other kinds of tones in the people surrounding me every day. There is this soft, numb sadness all around me. I can see the effort everyone has to make just to get through the day, and how it weighs on their shoulders, like it weighs on mine. Even the brightest smile is just slightly subdued, every outburst of annoyance just slightly dampened. It's subtle, but it's definitely there. I try to think what it means, what I can learn from others. I wonder if deep down, everyone is as lost as I am. Is there even one person in here who has truly found peace? I start to feel doubtful about myself once again. I can't decide whether these people are happy, unhappy, or if they've just learned to cope and now live in an unfeeling limbo like I did all spring. I escape from these feelings into the towering piles of books I carry to my room from Yuuko's sanctuary. After realizing that this will just shut me down even more, I start going to the art club's room more often, usually whenever I can. Rin too seems to spend more time in there than in her own classroom. I've often seen her totter towards the door at the very end of our corridor. That wooden door and the room behind it, smelling of paint and paper, seem to mean more to her than the rest of the world combined. She says she has special permission to use the room, which I don't doubt at all. I don't think Nomiya would deny Rin anything. He seems to dote on her like an uncle upon a favorite niece. The object of his affection, however, has no favorites. She says she appreciates the teacher a lot for going the extra mile for her sake, but even when she says that, her expression is the same as always. It's as if she was talking about a particularly unremarkable rock that she saw the other day. I can't really figure out their relationship. Rin doesn't seem to let anyone close. I don't think even Emi could say she's crossed the gap that seems to separate Rin from the rest of the world. I don't understand it. She seems so indifferent, yet so passionate at the same time. (Silence) Somewhere, the school bells ring the last call of the day. I realize I've been zoning out for who knows how long. Dazed, I sit up straighter, trying to look as inconspicuous as possible. The pungent smells of linseed oil and turpentine mix in my nostrils as I draw a deep breath. I feel drowsy and lightheaded. It's already this late and a few club members left early, so it's just me, Rin, the teacher, and two other girls who are also about to leave. Katawa Shoujo OST - Air Guitar .png) Rin is sitting to my right, slowly working on a painting while I'm idling the time away. I don't think she realizes I've been watching her this whole time. With a nimble move of her delicate ankle, she dips the brush into crimson paint and presses it lightly onto the canvas. A stain spreads around, as if the brush was bleeding. Her progress has slowed down to a crawl. By now I've learned that this is dangerous for her technique, as the paint must not be allowed to dry before she's finished. It occurs to me that I am literally watching paint dry. And yet somehow I'm not feeling bored, despite spacing out just now. Most of the time, the art club is very relaxed and free-form. Apart from times when Nomiya gets really excited about some technique or style he wants to teach us about, everyone is free to pursue their own interests. Lacking one, I keep floating around without a direction. I try this and that, but nothing really leaves me with a deeper impression, not to mention that I don't seem to have a special knack for anything. Well, I did get praised for my attempt at watercolors, and I felt pretty good about that, myself, but that's it. I suppose it's to be expected. I joined the art club mostly on a whim, after all. I'm thinking that maybe I should quit the club, if it's going to be this pointless. But there's nothing really wrong with pointlessness and I can't exactly say I'm unhappy. Unsatisfied maybe, but I've got only myself to blame for that. As the pair of girls exit the club room with a cheerful “bye-bye”, Nomiya stands up from his desk. His chair scoots back with a loud screech that breaks the harmony of this quiet afternoon. He taps a pile of papers in his hands twice against the tabletop in order to straighten them, then stretches his back. NOMIYA: "I have a faculty meeting to attend, so I can't stay. I'll have to do some paperwork later, so if you want to stay we can talk then. Sorry about this." There are two people here, but he's really talking to only one of us. Nomiya spends extra hours of his time mentoring Rin after official club hours are over, and I'll bet he'd like to discuss his plan of getting Rin's art into a gallery a little more. RIN: "It's all right. I think I'll probably be here, but it's not a big deal if I'm not. I don't really have much going now." Rin answers without moving her eyes from her work in progress. The tone of her voice is neither the polite kind expected when talking to a teacher, nor her usual monotone. NOMIYA: "So I won't need to send a search party if you aren't here?" RIN: "Yes, no thanks, I don't like to party. We can talk later." NOMIYA: "Good girl." (Silence) Smiling, the teacher picks up the rest of his papers and makes his way to the door. I glance at the clock above it and then at my watch to double check. They're three minutes apart, but nevertheless the club's meeting time is over now. Rin seems intent on staying here to work on her piece while waiting for the teacher. I can't quite imagine what their one-on-one time would be like. Would they actually discuss anything? Rin is always so subdued in what she says, and when she does say something it's difficult to understand what she's talking about. Maybe Nomiya just talks endlessly like he does at club meetings, letting Rin absorb what she will from his infinite well of art knowledge, like a sunflower turning to face the glowing sun. HISAO: "Do you mind if I stay? I er... thought maybe I'd give watercolors another try." I blurt out the excuse sort of accidentally, embarrassing myself. Rin doesn't take her eyes off her painting. RIN: "Okay." I shift around in my chair, then get to fetching a cup of water, brushes, colors and some paper. The sound of my footsteps invades the still afternoon air. Before starting, I try to recall what the teacher told us, an important philosophy of the medium: working with watercolors means more working with water than working with color. I try to keep that in mind, and dip my tiny sable brush into the water cup. I'm mixing yellow and blue, trying to capture the sunlit treetops outside of the window. The sun is low, so the yellows are more pronounced and everything looks darker. I still can't quite connect what I see with what my hand does with the paints, but it's a passable attempt for my level. After a while I start losing my focus and move the paper aside, deciding to watch Rin work for a while, instead. That little while stretches first into a long while, then into a really long while. Katawa Shoujo OST - Raindrops and Puddles .png) Rin paints, her entire being fully concentrated on the brush between her slender toes and the painting coming to life one stroke at a time. She seems determined and yet at the same time relaxed, effortlessly moving the brush around, never hesitating. Colors meet and part, mix and cover each other on the canvas, bending to her quiet will. I don't know anything about composition, structure or any of that stuff, but I really like Rin's paintings. I like how she looks when she paints. As usual, the silence between us compels me to speak rather than merely wait for her to open up. She might end up saying nothing at all. HISAO: "Do you mind if we talk?" .png) RIN: "I don't mind." HISAO: "I kinda wanted to ask more about why you get so weird about this thing the teacher wants to arrange for you." Rin picks up a tube of paint and squeezes it between her toes on a palette almost as easily as someone with opposable thumbs would. Taking up a brush again, she replies. .png) RIN: "A lot of things. And some not-things. Unthings. I don't think that's a word." HISAO: "Do you want to talk about it?" I try to reach out to her clumsily, ignoring the embarrassing feeling of awkwardness. Rin keeps her focus on the painting, spreading more and more paint on the canvas, her lips forming a perfectly straight line as she concentrates on the job. RIN: "Not really. Talking is hard. I mean, it's not hard, I'm talking even now. But saying the right things is really hard for me. No matter what, I just can't say the things I want." HISAO: "That sounds weird." RIN: "It's true. I say all kinds of things that I don't really mean all the time. And sometimes I forget words and then I use the wrong words. I even come up with new words for things that already have some. That's the worst thing. I get really nervous and everything comes out a mess and even I don't really understand what I want to say.I think there's something wrong with me that makes it like this. Remember when I said I can only think of four things at the same time?" I nod wordlessly. RIN: "It's not really four. I mean, it is four, but everything else is also there kind of in the background. Like being at an amusement park and a beehive at the same time. But that's not the point. I used to do better. Like six or seven things. I think so, at least. I feel like I'm becoming dumber." HISAO: "I think everyone has times when they feel like they can't say the right things." RIN: "But it's there all the time. Stronger and deeper. Yeah, deeper is a good word. I like that word. Deeper. It's that feeling of being underwater. Maybe it's just art. The more I paint, the more words I forget. Maybe at some point I will forget how to speak completely. It feels like I'm slowly forgetting everything. Do you remember what you thought about things three or four years ago? I don't." A long pause ensues, during which time seems to bend around itself, almost tying itself into a knot. I don't think I've ever heard Rin talk this earnestly and for so long about anything before. RIN: "It's like I'm fading away from the world." .png) Rin's foot has stopped its work on the canvas and she is staring at her painting, unmoving, as if gazing at some faraway horizon. Sunlight briefly glints in the corner of her onyx eyes. Something floats up into the top layer of Rin's being and she lets out a long breath. (Sudden Silence) Then she blinks and it's gone. RIN: "Paintings stay behind. When I look at my old things, I remember what I was thinking back when I made them. They make me feel like I can be with all the past mes when I was a different me. I guess they are the proof of my existence." She uses the exact same words Nomiya used when he spoke to us of the nature of art. I didn't think Rin was paying any attention, back then. I wonder if she was listening, or whether she had heard the same passionate speech from Nomiya before. Either way, I feel overwhelmed. HISAO: "Boy, are you complicated. I would've taken up writing a diary." Her eyes quickly flicker to my direction and then back to the painting, but she doesn't pick up the brush any more. Katawa Shoujo OST - Parity (Rin’s Theme) RIN: "That's a great idea. Why didn't I ever think of that?" HISAO: "Are you being sarcastic?" RIN: "What's sarcasm?" I don't call her on the joke, if it is one. Right at that moment, Nomiya returns from his meeting. He waves to us a very melodramatic hello, mildly surprised to see me here along with his pet student. Walking with a boisterous gait to his desk, he drops his papers upon it. He picks up a handkerchief and cleans his glasses with incredibly meticulous care before walking over to us. Before he is within earshot of us, Rin says something to me in a quick, quiet voice. (Sudden Silence) RIN: "Change is the scariest thing in the world to me.” .png) RIN: "And I seriously don't know if I want to change into a person who could do the thing the teacher wants me to do. I don't know if I could even if I wanted to." .png) NOMIYA: "Hello again!" HISAO: "Hello." RIN: "Hello." Katawa Shoujo OST - Stride He smiles a bit sheepishly, looking at both of us with uninhibited interest. HISAO: "Ah, nothing. We were just talking about that thing with your acquaintance and the gallery. For Rin's works. Sort of." NOMIYA: "Oho? Any decisions?" I look at Rin, who is trying to arrange the bothered expression on her face into something else. .png) HISAO: "Anyway, I don't think I have much else to say, other than that you should go for it." >"You'd be wasting your talents otherwise." >"You won't get a chance like this again." >"You should aim high." Rin’s route has a deserved reputation as the most complicated in the game, with unclear choices tripping obscure flags and bouncing you unpredictably between endings. Thing is, it’s not actually that complex, it’s just hard to explain verbally and I can’t find any diagrams that don’t have spoilers. So let’s give it a shot.Remember those three choices we had to make? Each of those answers is connected to a choice we can make in this scene; pick one of the two options, it activates one potential choice and deactivates another. You reach the scene, you have three active choices to pick from. So far so good. Each choice in this scene, in turn, either trips a flag or doesn’t; much later in the route, the game checks to see if that flag is active or not, then based on that directs you into one of two mini-routes. While different thematically, mechanically speaking they’re nearly identical, each closing with a choice that starts the Ending selection process in the same way. As far as the game’s concerned, this choice is nearly irrelevant to where you end up. Of course, players don’t know that unless they’ve charted everything out or have a guide on hand. It isn’t clear what these choices mean, it doesn’t tell you when the changes kick in, and it happens so far down the line you might’ve forgotten what you chose. It doesn’t help that the effects aren’t evenly distributed; of the 3 questions we dealt with earlier, only two can activate choices here that trip the aforementioned flag. Picking randomly, you have a one in four chance of hardlocking yourself into the mini-route you get when you don’t trip that flag without realizing it. And on top of everything, these choices all change what happens next in this scene with no obvious connection to anything else. It’s a mess. Fortunately, I know which answer does what. In this case, "You'd be wasting your talents otherwise" and "You won't get a chance like this again" don’t activate the flag, while "You should aim high” does. Since we said that art isn’t bullshit earlier, for reasons I’ll explain later we’ll be leaving that flag dormant for now. >"You won't get a chance like this again." HISAO: "I mean, the teacher is probably right. You're not going to get a chance like this again. People don't get many chances in life, and you shouldn't waste any of them even if you have doubts." Rin stares at me unresponsively. It's like my words don't have any meaning to her at all. RIN: "I don't think I want to talk about this. I'm going." Rin stands up and trots out of the room without anyone saying anything more. HISAO: "I'm sorry. I think I made her upset." NOMIYA: "Hahaha, don't worry about it. She'll be fine, I'm sure. I'll talk to her later." Each choice Hisao makes has him give a different little speech, and each speech gets one of three responses. Two options get you the one we saw here, where Rin, offended, stands up and ends the conversation; two others have Nomiya step in and interrupt Hisao before he gets on her nerves. The last two, the ones that activate that flag, have Hisao work himself up and start ranting before Rin disengages. Remember this, it’ll come up again later. Nomiya looks at me over his circular pink glasses, smiling sympathetically. NOMIYA: "You've made friends with her then, Nakai?" HISAO: "Uh... well, something like that, I guess. Depends on how you look at it. To be honest, I'm not really sure." It's more like me and Rin just tend to hang around each other irregularly, talking or not about something that more often resembles some twisted mockery of philosophy rather than normal, everyday things that “friends” chat about. NOMIYA: "Well, that's all good, isn't it? You're a new student and we should be promoting integration into the student body and such. I can't remember all the buzzwords they spew at faculty and Yamaku Foundation meetings, but that's how it is. Tezuka isn't the most social person around these parts, either." HISAO: "Yeah, that's definitely true." NOMIYA: "So she's talked about my suggestion to you?" HISAO: "Oh, no, not really. I think it's been more me pressing her to decide something. Maybe I shouldn't have." NOMIYA: "No, I'm sure it's fine. I'm too soft with her, even when I shouldn't. I don't really know how to handle Tezuka, she's so independent and willful. I wonder if this is what every old geezer of an art teacher who got his hands on a young and fiery prodigy felt like." He chuckles ironically to himself a little bit, turning to face Rin's latest work which she left drying on the easel. She departed so abruptly that I wonder if she considers it finally finished. NOMIYA: "So, let's see the painting then." He leans in closer, peering at the canvas. NOMIYA: "It draws you in, doesn't it?" Nomiya stands back straight, his face a dreamy, nostalgic visage. I don't answer him, as he seems to be taking my agreement as a given. NOMIYA: "I sometimes stay here after hours just to look at Tezuka's paintings. She's really just prodigious, and at such a young age. I get shivers just thinking of what she could become with a few more years of refinement. You asked what makes an artist, remember? This is it. They take a piece of the world and reshape it in their own image. Metaphorically, of course. Looking at her makes you wonder what the world looks like through her eyes. It's a wonderful thing, to be young and full of passion, the most extraordinary time of your life. You would do well to remember that, Nakai." HISAO: "Yes, sir." NOMIYA: "It's so silly. People always ask artists “Where do you get your ideas?” as if ideas were something sold at the market for pocket change. You can't explain inspiration. For people like Tezuka, it's like breathing. It's an instinct. I've met maybe one or two with the same kind of raw potential. But no amount of potential will amount to anything if one doesn't work to realize it. It's practice, technique, skill. Draw for an hour every day for a few years and even the most hopeless case becomes a passable artist. Tezuka is not brilliant because she was born with a natural talent for this kind of thing. She's brilliant because she works harder than anyone, ever since she learned to hold a pen, most likely. And all of it with her feet, no less. Absolutely phenomenal." Silence finally lands in the clubroom as Nomiya lets himself get drawn back into Rin's painting, gently murmuring acceptance toward the still-wet canvas. HISAO: "What kind of things do you paint yourself?" As if waking from a reverie, he looks at me, surprised at my talking to him. NOMIYA: "Oh, I don't. Not any more. I became an art teacher only after my career in that field came to an end. Now I just pass on knowledge to the next generation." The way Nomiya answers is curious, both giving and withholding information. I feel like asking more, but he cuts in before I get the chance. NOMIYA: "Now you should run along, my boy. It's almost dinner time, isn't it?" HISAO: "Yes, sir. Have a good evening." NOMIYA: "You too." (Silence) I quickly collect my stuff and step out into the deserted hallway, leaving the teacher alone with his musings. The weekend will be here soon. It's amazing how fast time flies here. I promised Emi I'd join her for the celebration of her triumph at the track meet last week. That should be plenty of fun. Katawa Shoujo OST ~ Passing of Time .png) Katawa Shoujo OST - Daylight .png) HISAO: "Are you sure you want to go?" The weather that has been wonderful for all of June has finally taken a turn for the worse. The leaden clouds drooping over the town look worrisome and the air feels heavy and still, just like before rain. The forecast says there's a 60\% chance of rain this afternoon. Maybe this will mark the beginning of the rainy season. EMI: "Of course I'm sure! I've been waiting for this all week!" Emi had planned a picnic at some nearby park, with snacks aplenty bought from the convenience store, but with the weather this gloomy, it seems risky. EMI: "I asked some other people to come too, but they didn't want to go because of the weather. We have to prove them wrong!" HISAO: "Wrong how?" EMI: "You know, like how it always rains when you think it won't, and when you think it will, it doesn't? We'll go no matter what, so it's a win-win situation! I've been going without sweets for weeks because of practice for the track meet. But now I can splurge on anything I want. Nothing is going to stop me now!" HISAO: "I thought you were all about a healthy lifestyle and stuff." EMI: "Ohoho, Hisao, you understand so little. There's not a single girl on this planet who doesn't love sweets!" .png) RIN: "I don't like sweets." EMI: "She doesn't count. Anyway, is this clear?" HISAO: "Completely. We will go and eat our fill of sweets." EMI: "drat straight we will. I'm going to have to work it off later but it's so worth it." Emi seems to be extremely determined about this. She is positively exhilarated, brimming with energy as always, but something seems special today. It looks like she can hardly stop herself from jumping up and down on the spot. EMI: "Come on!" I grasp the wooden handle of the umbrella I brought and start to follow the two girls, who seem to have no qualms about leaving me behind if I keep daydreaming. My umbrella is really fancy, the old-fashioned kind with a curved handle and a metal spike at the end. It used to belong to my grandfather. It looks like an antique, but it's in really good shape; almost as good as new. It's really big, too. I remember how my grandfather, my grandmother, and I all fit neatly under it when a rainstorm caught us on an afternoon walk years ago, when I was around nine or ten. My grandparents are both gone now, but I still have the umbrella to keep me dry when it rains. We walk along the road leading down from the school towards the convenience store, the clouds casting their dark shadow down on us. The weather seems to be taking a turn for the worse and I am pretty sure I just felt a raindrop on my head. HISAO: "Didn't you guys think of taking umbrellas? It really looks like it'll rain." .png) Rin looks at her limply hanging sleeves and shrugs her shoulders. EMI: "I don't have one. Besides, a little rain won't kill us." She pushes her chest out, looking very confident about that. EMI: "We aren't made of sugar!" HISAO: "I thought that's exactly what girls were made of, especially considering what you're planning to gorge yourself on today." She just sticks out her tongue in reply. The walk down from the school to the local shopping district is not a long one, but it's not very short, either. It's all downhill so our steps roll easily, but time stretches out nevertheless. The distance is right there, in that gray area where you don't expect the trip to be quickly over with, but you aren't preparing for a long walk, either. Thus, the trip is slightly too long to stay comfortably quiet the whole time, though the girls don't seem to mind. Rin walks calmly ahead, seemingly lost in thought. I'm kind of wary about starting a conversation, since the last time didn't end very well for either of us. I haven't exchanged a single word with her since then. Emi, on the other hand, is way too happy about just walking. She seems to literally jump a little on every step, or skip over cracks, or balance on the edge of the sidewalk. Every now and then she comments on something to which Rin replies in an automatic-sounding, nonsensical way that makes Emi giggle a little. As we reach the bottom of the hill, the first raindrops begin to fall. I feel one hit the top of my head, then two more hit my nose in quick succession. (Sudden Silence, Painfully Loud Lightning Strike, Rain Sounds) .png) It's not one or two rainclouds any more. The entire sky has turned shadowy gray, billowing rainclouds swirling right on top of us. EMI: "Oh, shoot. I guess we aren't going to have a picnic then." HISAO: "What now?" RIN: "Maybe we could have a rain picnic. A picnic in rain." EMI: "No, we'd all just catch a cold and I don't like getting me or my snacks wet." RIN: "I kind of like it. Not the snacks part though." Emi considers our problematic situation for a moment while I open my umbrella and lift it up, trying to hold it so that all three of us get covered. EMI: "Hey Hisao, have you been to the Shanghai yet?" HISAO: "It's a café somewhere around here, right? I've heard of it." EMI: "It's a nice place. Let's go there and wait out the rain. If it's just a really quick shower, we can still go for the picnic, and if it gets worse, we'll just order cake there instead." Neither Rin nor I have better ideas, so with Emi taking the lead, we start walking briskly along a side street.
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Dec 10, 2021 15:52
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drat Rin I hear that. Probably the easiest character for me to understand so far.
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Dec 10, 2021 16:26
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Yeah I still struggle with words and teen-me was really torn up about it.
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Dec 10, 2021 16:37
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Wow, I'd forgotten most of the stuff Nomiya says. He's not a creeper, and he's not (consciously, at least) trying to leech off Rin; he sincerely believes the direction he's pushing her in is what's best for her future. But he doesn't understand her at all. Like most people who meet Rin, he writes her off as flighty and weird, and doesn't make any effort to find out what's really going on inside her head.
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Dec 11, 2021 17:11
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Yeah, Rin is absolutely the character I feel closest to. Like, her four things, but everything else is also there? That's my head, except the four things aren't that much more present than the rest of everything, and I'm thinking about all of them all the time. Which helps a lot with creativity. Sometimes. I likened my head to a billiards table or particle accelerator previously because ideas bounce around inside it, occasionally dropping something different into a pocket (out my mouth). The products are also high-energy and decay quickly, hence the particle accelerator analogy. The sometimes happens because it's pretty much random what'll wind up falling out of my forebrain. I take walks to focus, because there's a lot of distractions at home and at least one study discovered that the physical act of walking improves creativity. On these walks, I talk to myself about basically whatever crosses my mind. Sometimes this is plans for a building, sometimes it's a mission or adventure I'm designing for a game. In these cases I usually come back home with a real good idea. But sometimes I just vigorously explain type mechanics in Pokemon (I still don't have a solid grasp of the Dragon/Fairy update) or talk about the theoretical upper limits of Monkey D. Luffy's strength (As a shonen protagonist, this is literally limitless). A lesser variant of this happens without going on walks, where I'll just be puttering around the kitchen and suddenly have an idea to glue a glowing orb to an invisible NPC to mimic will-o-wisp activity in ARMA.
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Dec 11, 2021 18:01
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Dareon posted:I take walks to focus, because there's a lot of distractions at home and at least one study discovered that the physical act of walking improves creativity. On these walks, I talk to myself about basically whatever crosses my mind. Sometimes this is plans for a building, sometimes it's a mission or adventure I'm designing for a game. In these cases I usually come back home with a real good idea. But sometimes I just vigorously explain type mechanics in Pokemon (I still don't have a solid grasp of the Dragon/Fairy update) or talk about the theoretical upper limits of Monkey D. Luffy's strength (As a shonen protagonist, this is literally limitless). A lesser variant of this happens without going on walks, where I'll just be puttering around the kitchen and suddenly have an idea to glue a glowing orb to an invisible NPC to mimic will-o-wisp activity in ARMA.  Except that I don't know anything about Pokemon - or what a Luffy is. (Okay fine I know that they're a character from an anime/manga, but that's literally it.) But yeah; I'm fortunate enough to live across the road from a nature reserve, so I go for a bush-walk every morning before breakfast. It's when a lot of the design work on my mods happens - and goes a long way towards keeping me (mostly) sane. Being out there does reduce my anxiety a bit, at least for a while. Anyway, I guess I find Rin to be fairly relatable too - at least so far in the route. Probably second-most relatable after Hanako for me, which is interesting considering how inscrutable Rin is, generally. I was actually thinking earlier that on the face of it - based on the Act 1 common route - you might expect Rin's route to be the one with (attempts at) random humour, and Shizune's route to be the one about difficulties with communication and relating to others... rather than it being the other way around.
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Dec 12, 2021 06:21
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Falconier111 posted:Think that's supposed to be the Nurse, but who knows? You are correct. My mistake. Rin is the only route I've done and it was pretty hard to take in just because of how roundabout her method of verbal communication is. It sort of made the romance seem improbable just because she seems to be operating on a different plane of existence. Which is absolutely crazy of me because I talk a lot like Rin sometimes, just for different reasons. ChrisBTY fucked around with this message at 08:14 on Dec 12, 2021 |
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Dec 12, 2021 08:03
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Update 93: Umbrella Logic Cake (Act 2, Scenes 12-13) (Silence, Rain Sounds) The café is only a few blocks away, but even with the umbrella, we can't avoid getting slightly damp. The rain keeps coming down harder and harder. Raindrops leave tiny dots on the black asphalt road, which then combine into bigger patches like pointillist artwork being made in front of our eyes in mere seconds. It's pouring heavily, drumming on the hoods of the cars parked on the sides of the street and already flowing in little creeks along the sidewalks. The yellow light shining through the rainwater streaming down the windows looks very warm and inviting. Katawa Shoujo OST - Red Velvet (Crowd Sounds) .png) I shake the excess water off the umbrella and head inside with them, following Emi to a vacant table in the furthest corner of the small café. The place is almost full; apparently other people had the same idea as Emi, and now we are all stranded together here in this cozy little place. Varnished wooden pillars and paper screens mix with Parisian-style tables and chairs in discordant harmony, a contrast of old and new. Light jazz plays quietly in the background, though it's mostly drowned out by the murmur of the customers. There's only one waitress serving the full house, frantically gliding from one table to another and trying to keep up with everything. To my surprise, I think I recognize her. I watch her deliver a tray of tea cups and pastries to another table taken by Yamaku students, then take an order from a middle-aged couple sitting across from us before finally turning to serve us. .png) HISAO: "Yuuko?" Now that she's close and facing me I see that it really is her, the part-time librarian of Yamaku in full waitress attire. It's a pretty cute outfit, and she has tied her hair up in buns to match. It's a completely different image from her mousy, plain style at her other job. Yuuko blinks a few times looking confused, then remembers that she was about to say something. YUUKO: "Umm... ah, welcome to the Shanghai. " HISAO: "So you work here too? I thought you were a university student or something." YUUKO: "Ehh, yes, that too. It's a part-time job as you can see, ehehe. It's Sunday, so there aren't any lectures. Good thing, too, since today has been so busy I'm wishing for another pair of hands. Anyway, I'm in a bit of a rush as you can see. What can I get you today?" (Sudden Silence, Crowd Sounds Continue) Emi doesn't hesitate even for a second. Her eyes glitter like those of a kid in a candy store. Katawa Shoujo OST - Katawa Shoujo OST - Generic Happy Music (Crowd Sounds Continue) .png) EMI: "Tea for everyone! And cake for me!" Yuuko tries to stay as formal and professional-looking as possible, smiling cheerily at my ravenous companion. YUUKO: "Ahh... yes, today we have a choice of strawberry shortcake, raspberry layer cake, or lemon meringue pie." EMI: "Strawberry... no, lemon! No, actually I'll take both!" She looks at me in challenge. HISAO: "Err... I'll take just the pie." RIN: "Nothing." Emi makes a face at Rin as though she had bitten into a lemon. She's clearly unhappy with her for not joining in. EMI: "Oh come on, Rin. That's not polite at all." RIN: "Nothing, thank you." EMI: "No, no, you silly! I meant that you should order something too." RIN: "I'll take a straw then. My feet are all wet." YUUKO: "Sorry?" RIN: "The drinking kind of straw. One, please." Yuuko is obviously uncertain of what to think about this. She fiddles with her pen and stationery for a moment, looking like she's about to cry, before deciding that we've finished ordering. YUUKO: "Thank you very much!" Her sprite jerks down before vanishing. She bows down a little bit too deeply and scampers to safety behind the counter. After that ordeal is over with, I have a chance to relax a bit and take a better look at the surroundings. Almost every table is occupied by people happy to be out of the rain, thankfully sipping their tea while waiting to dry off. Fragments of grumbling about the lousy weather or discussions over recent homework carry from nearby tables to my ears. Each one overlaps the other, but all are covered by the sound of falling rain. After a while Yuuko returns to our table, carrying a tray with a huge teapot, three cups, a slice of cake and two slices of pie. She slaps the tray onto our tiny table with a clatter, almost sending the teapot toppling over into Rin's lap. We barely recover before she bows again and leaves, hurrying off to serve the other customers. Emi has been eyeing her strawberry cake very hungrily all this time, but somehow she managed to contain herself until Yuuko was out of sight. She digs in with gusto, while I content myself with pouring tea for everyone and placing the straw in Rin's cup. Rin looks at the way the tea swirls round and round in her white china cup, her eyes half closed, almost like she is being hypnotized. I pick up my fork and eye the food in front of me. .png) The pie I got looks perfectly done, a thick layer of meringue atop creamy lemon custard. After having the first bite, I pause, savoring the combination of tangy citrus and smooth, sugary meringue. It's quite good, though a bit too sweet for me. EMI: "Iff ver’ good." She's talking through a mouthful of cake, already halfway through her slice even though it's not exactly small. EMI: "I want to taste some of that." (Sword Strike Sound Effect) Emi’s sprite rapidly zooms in and out. Before I get to respond, she strikes out at my delicious pie, takes a piece with her fork, and escapes with it. EMI: "This is pretty good too." HISAO: "What are you doing? You have a slice of your own!" EMI: "Yeah, but if I started on that before finishing the cake, it'd be rude, don't you think?" Her insolence is outrageous, but the gentleman in me allows for no retaliation. I glare angrily at her, and she replies by sticking out her tongue impishly. Emi is even more hyper than usual today, but I don't mind. It's good for her to let off some steam. I take another sip of the tea in my cup. It's good and hot, even though I don't usually care much for tea, and the atmosphere in the café is very relaxing. I don't mind spending the rest of the afternoon here, not even after Emi orders her second piece of strawberry cake and Rin spends most of the time staring fixedly at the rain streaming down from the heavens. Even Yuuko rolls her eyes at the third piece of cake disappearing into Emi's bottomless stomach just as quickly as the previous two. (Crowd Sounds Stop, Rain Sounds) Despite the passing of time, it's still raining outside when we exit the Shanghai, though it seems to be letting up a little. HISAO: "Too bad it had to rain on your parade." RIN: "Weren't we supposed to have a picnic?" Emi doesn't look too distraught over this turn of events. .png) EMI: "Nah it's fine! We had a good time, didn't we? I feel really pumped up. It isn't even raining that hard any more. I kinda want to hike back to school to get rid of this energy and work off some of that cake." She stretches her arms out, and arches her back like a cat. After rolling her shoulders around twice, she smiles brightly. EMI: "Man, I can't really run with these legs, though, especially uphill. I wish I'd brought my other ones." This notion sounds odd, spoken so casually. But I guess for Emi, changing legs is sort of like someone else changing shoes. EMI: "Maybe if I walk really fast, that'll be kinda like running. I think I'll do that." HISAO: "I won't be able to keep up with that going uphill, though; I really am in bad shape. Plus, you'll get wet without an umbrella." EMI: "It's hardly even a drizzle, now. A few drops won't hurt. I think I'm gonna go to the track after I change my legs, too." Emi skips away from the protection of my umbrella and goes on ahead at a brisk pace. Suddenly, she seems to remember something as she stops and spins around. EMI: "See you tomorrow! Come eat lunch with us on the roof! I'll bring enough for three." (Silence, Rain Sounds Continue) .png) Rin and I are left to watch her wave at us and skip off again. Soon she disappears around a street corner. I'll never understand why Emi is perpetually in such a hurry to get somewhere. HISAO: "So, would you like me to walk you back to school so that at least one of you won't get wet?" RIN: "If you are happy with it." It seems neither of us wants to keep alive the strained atmosphere from the argument a few days ago in the art room, which makes me feel relieved. I don't want to bear grudges and I'm happy that Rin feels the same way. Thus it is decided that we are content with each other's company for now, and we start walking in the same direction as Emi, albeit at a considerably calmer pace. .png) I get a bit closer to Rin, even though the umbrella is already big enough to shelter us both. I can feel her nearby warmth providing a contrast to the chill of this rainy weather. Raindrops hitting the umbrella make a distinctive sound, playing the staccato melody of rainfall for nobody in particular. I realize I haven't been outside in the rain in what feels like forever. I inhale, taking in the scent of rain, feeling the weather with all my senses. The world melts into a blur inside the rain. The colors of the sky have deepened from gray to dark blue, with hues of red added to the mix from the sunlight reflecting off the clouds. The low-hanging sky looks pretty, as if I could reach out my hand and touch it. .png) RIN: "Have I told you how much I like rain? It's like painting. It makes me feel connected." Almost echoing my thoughts, Rin lets out one of her own. It slips out of her mouth, circling around us gently. RIN: "Everything looks so soft, like the outlines of things just disappear. I like that. It's like the rain is hugging me." Her voice sounds different from usual; more gentle, now, and soft. I wonder if it's only because of the rain, or because of the mood the rain brought upon the quiet artist girl. I feel that mood in myself too, enhanced by her words. .png) HISAO: "Yeah. I like rainy weather too. It's nice every once in a while. I wonder what is it about the rain." .png) RIN: "Everything." A silence follows the statement, as it allows for no continuation. I decide to push the direction of the conversation a little. HISAO: "But you know, if you like the feeling of being connected, what's the problem with showing your paintings to others? Don't you want to be connected to other people?" RIN: "It's not the same thing. You're comparing apples and squids." I brought up the subject Rin wants to avoid, and it shuts her down again. The question stays hanging between us for the rest of the trip back to school, and I can't help wondering what on Earth I could have said to truly reach Rin. Does she feel that she's lacking an identity? She has a strong personality, but if pressed to elaborate, I'm not sure I could describe it accurately. She feels like a person who is in constant conflict with herself. I never know what to expect when I talk to her. I wonder how she herself experiences that disconnect. If Rin is asking herself every day “Who am I?” and obsessively paints images to define herself day after day, what does she think of that way of living? .png) The irony is, that's the exact same question I've been asking myself for the past four or five months. For me, it was miserable. I can only assume that it's the natural state of being for this girl. When we stop in front of the dormitories Rin turns to face me, as if sensing my thoughts from afar. Her gaze travels emptily past my left shoulder into the shapeless rainfall. Her dark eyes seem to suck the low ambient light into themselves, like a reverse mirror. That empty gaze lets nothing out. If I want to understand what's going on behind those eyes, I have to work it out myself. Rin opens her mouth, then closes it without saying anything. The silence lasts for a few more moments before she takes a step towards the dorm building door. RIN: "See you tomorrow." Katawa Shoujo OST ~ Passing of Time .png) (Silence) The next morning, like every second Monday morning until he says otherwise, I have an appointment with the nurse. They allow me to skip part of my first class in the morning, and I don't feel any shame in skipping the rest, either. Rather than being thankful I get to miss world history, I instead feel dread when I think about these appointments. I wake up at the normal time anyway and wash myself in the bathroom I share with Kenji, tidying my sleep-disheveled hair. I quickly get dressed and put my laundry in the basket. I pack up for the school day. I have all my homework done, like usual, so I have a bit of free time now. There's no point in going to the morning class for 20 minutes before I'd have to get to the nurse's office, so I lie down on my bed and read a book until it's time to go. The door to the nurse's office is open, which is unusual. I enter while knocking to announce my arrival. Looking up from his computer screen, he motions me to take a seat with a friendly hello. Steam wafts up from a piping hot cup of coffee on his desk. It's probably not his first today. Katawa Shoujo OST - Ah Eh I Oh You .png)  NURSE: "How are you feeling on this wonderful morning, Hisao?" HISAO: "I'm all right, I think. It was cold yesterday because of the rain so I woke up feeling a bit groggy." NURSE: "You too, huh? Quite a few kids got caught without an umbrella, so we've been spending time handing out masks and curing sniffles. Hmm... all right, today it's tests day. Give me your arm." I extend my left arm towards him, keeping my face expressionless. The nurse ties a rubber tourniquet around my bicep with a practiced movement and briskly goes about his business. I don't think anybody really likes getting stuck with needles, but at least I got over my distaste for them. I had to. Now, I barely even twitch at the moment of truth. Once that's done, a blood pressure check follows, then there are checklists and questionnaires to go through. The nurse nods and scribbles in my answers to the questions as I give them. NURSE: "All right. Let's have a listen, now." I unbutton my shirt and put it neatly on the back of the chair I was using while he puts on his stethoscope. I know by heart the order of places where he's going to listen to my lungs and heartbeat. I adjust my breathing to be even and deep without even being asked. It's become routine now, for both of us. It's funny, this is pretty much the only time in one's life when you really concentrate on breathing and nothing else. It has always amused me. The nurse lifts the cold steel stethoscope from my chest and places it a few inches lower, listening again. The contact of the metal makes me flinch on reflex, even though I was expecting it. He furrows his brow, but I can't tell if it's because he's unhappy or if he's trying to pick something specific out among the complex multitude of irregularities in my heartbeat. HISAO: "Is there something wrong?" NURSE: "Please don't talk." I shut up and become more anxious. The nurse is nice, but I can't help disliking these mandatory checkups. I wonder if I'm going to end up hating all medical appointments from now on because of these. He finally lifts the circular metal plate from my chest, allowing me to talk again. NURSE: "Everything seems to be fine. Are you feeling all right yourself?" HISAO: "I suppose. I was out yesterday when it was raining, and yeah, I really felt a bit under the weather in the morning. Maybe I caught a cold." NURSE: "Were you with Emi? She came down with a cold, too. My people told her to stay in bed for a day or two." HISAO: "Really? I mean, I was with her but I didn't know she got sick." I guess it was a dumb thing after all, for her to go out in the rain like that. NURSE: "Yeah. Well, let's put that aside. Everything seems to check out for you, but remember to be careful." HISAO: "Of course. I really don't want to go back to the hospital." He catches something - maybe repressed terror, I don't know - in my voice and glances up from some papers he was looking at. NURSE: "Hey, don't worry. At this stage, it would take a huge crash in your condition to get you rehospitalized." It doesn't really reassure me, but grumbling about it to him won't make any difference. I quietly take my leave. (Silence) Walking along the corridor from the auxiliary building to the main school building, I encounter a young female nurse coming the other way. She smiles at me when we pass by each other. The lobby is empty of people. No surprise, since classes are still going on. I hear muffled sounds of discussion coming from behind the first floor classroom doors. I glance at my watch. I'd have to rush to get to my classroom in time, and I don't feel like going to class anyway, so I decide to climb up to the roof and have an extra-long lunch break. Emi promised she'd bring something for me today but if she's sick, that's probably not going to happen. I'm not feeling hungry anyway, so it's all the same. The climb up the steep stairwell to the roof is oddly liberating, almost like losing weight. I feel satisfaction that it doesn't wind me as badly as it did the first time I came up here. I push open the squeaky door at the top and step into sunlight. The chain link fence allows for a grand view over the treetops, all the way to the gray silhouettes of downtown, further away. The dreary weather of yesterday is just a memory now. The silvery blue sky seems to be a mere arm's reach away. I forget for a moment that I'm in a bad mood. The warmth of the sun soaks into my bones, making me drowsy and lazy instead. The bells ring for lunch break, startling me back into reality. Soon afterwards, the quad below me bursts into life. Students pour out of the doors down on the ground floor, intent on enjoying lunch at the quad and the lush gardens in this perfect weather. When I hear the door to the stairwell being pushed open, I don't bother turning to see who it is. The intruder starts coming towards me with uneven footsteps. The little riverstones the roof is covered with rattle and crunch underfoot. The footsteps stop a few feet behind me, followed by a silence. I look upwards, into the glowing eye of the sun, absorbing its warmth with my whole body. RIN: "What are you doing?" .png) I turn around out of courtesy at her first words, to behold the slim, awkward figure of Rin Tezuka. She looks very much like herself today, too. Her hair is maybe a tad messier than usual, as if she just got out of bed. She stands with her weight shifted onto one foot, looking at me with mild curiosity, as if I were something in a store's display window. HISAO: "I don't know. Just spacing out, I guess. What about you?" RIN: "Emi promised food. We usually eat here." HISAO: "I'm afraid you're going to be disappointed. I heard Emi came down with a cold." RIN: "Oh. I guess that makes sense. She wasn't in class." HISAO: "It's not that common to get a cold in June though. You don't think she went running at the track afterwards like she said? The rain just kept going." RIN: "Probably." HISAO: "In the rain?" RIN: "In the rain." That sounds like a bit too much for just keeping up with training regime. Emi is a hard-headed one, though, so I can see her running in the downpour just because she “had to.” HISAO: "Well, that's obviously overdoing it. Probably why she came down with that cold, too. But I guess it's kinda cool." RIN: "Speaking of that, I'm not feeling well either. I...” The screen shakes. RIN: “ACHOO!" Rin sneezes pretty hard, failing to stop it in time. She cranes her head down to wipe her nose on her shoulder, so deciding that would be too unladlylike I pull out my handkerchief and hold it to her nose. HISAO: "Here. Bless you." RIN: "Danks." She clears her nose and I dab the handkerchief gently on it, wiping it clean. Her nose is really cute. Oddly enough it's probably the girliest part of Rin's face. I think I'm blushing a little, but Rin doesn't notice. RIN: "Thanks - I think I might be coming up or down with something, too. Like I was saying." HISAO: "Hope not." Rin doesn't seem to be to bothered about eating, so despite the lack of Emi-provided lunch, we stay up on the rooftop. She comes over and stands next to me, right up against the fence, looking into the same abstract distance as I am. Nobody else seems to be coming around to intrude upon this calmness, either. It's quiet and peaceful.
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Dec 13, 2021 16:06
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Falconier111 posted:Nobody else seems to be coming around to intrude upon this calmness, either. It's quiet and peaceful. This is the single most relatable moment of the entire game for me so far.
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Dec 13, 2021 17:46
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HomestarCanter posted:This is the single most relatable moment of the entire game for me so far. me too
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Dec 13, 2021 18:06
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=puM1k-S86nE
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Dec 13, 2021 22:44
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Disability Corner: The Universality of Accessibility I have yet to run into somebody who knows what a curb cut is by name, but once I explain it, everyone knows what I’m talking about.  Curb cuts are those little dips where elevated sidewalks briefly meet the ground in urban areas, usually about wide enough to fit a couple people, sometimes with colored bumpy patches near the bottom. No one knows their name because no one thinks about them; like a lot of good urban design, they exist to fade into the background, making people’s lives easier without distracting them from whatever else they’re doing. And that was us. In 1963, a disabled British activist named Selwyn Goldsmith released Designing for the Disabled, a manual proposing fundamental principles of architectural and civic design still in use over 50 years later; though he didn’t invent them (the first one showed up in Kalamazoo in ‘45 as a way to help World War II veterans), he was the first to articulate widespread curbcuts as a measure to help wheelchair users in general, and his arguments proved so persuasive his home country started passing laws mandating them a couple years later. A group of activists in Berkeley, California talked the city government into doing something similar in 1969. And then the government sat on it for a year, letting complaints vanish into the bureaucracy until the activists decided to take action. Their ringleader, Ed Roberts (his wheelchair’s in the Smithsonian now) had them start pouring ramps in the middle of the night, dodging arrests as they went. As you can imagine, forcing disabled people to deface public property to survive wasn’t exactly a great look, so City Hall gave up and implemented the curb cuts. And then gradually noticed something: most people who used them didn’t use wheelchairs. Anybody who had to use some other wheeled device – strollers, rolling suitcases, dollies for unloading cargo, skateboards (this was California) – made a beeline to the cuts instead of hauling their stuff up the side of the curb. Old people used them to avoid taking a big treacherous step they weren’t sure their knees could take, and young people used them rather than try and clamber up concrete. People moving slowly under heavy loads took them because smaller steps are safer and take less energy, and people traveling light out on a run took them because it didn’t break their stride. Disabled people may have been the target audience, but everyone seemed to benefit. I kept seeing references to a study of curb cuts at a Florida mall in my research that proved 9 in 10 pedestrians went out of their way to use them instead of just stepping over. I couldn’t find the study, but I live in and around Chicago, where curb cuts are everywhere (it’s one of the most accessible cities in the US), and we really will all you please go 30 feet over, down a curb cut, and 30 feet back instead of just taking the step down. Part of that’s peer pressure, part of it is just laziness. But part of it is safe habit, because Chicagoland both sees a lot of rain and snow and sits at just the right climate to vibrate above and below freezing the colder parts of the year. Snow here tends to melt, freeze, melt again, and refreeze until it forms black ice.  Black ice is extremely smooth, hard, melts very slowly, and cannot be seen unless the light hits it just right or you get on your hands and knees to look – and it forms almost exclusively on roads and sidewalks, right where people run into it. If you’re lucky, your encounter with it will go something like one I had halfway through college when I rushed out the door just after a flashfreeze while still putting my belt on. I stepped on a rim of black ice at the top of the steps, slipped, flew out, and got enough airtime to start flailing; my pants came part way off, I cracked my tailbone against the steps halfway downs, and I ended up sitting stunned on the ground, staring groggily at the pair of jeans now around my ankles while the snow soaked into my underwear. If you aren’t lucky, you slip and fall hard enough to break bones in a place so dangerous to walk that people can’t go over and help you, or your car catches some and you spin out into traffic. Every time you take a step down from the sidewalk in winter, you take your life into your hands; there’s no way to predict if your foot will make contact with black ice or not. It’s even possible for snow or slush to build up over it, making a stretch of pavement looks safe until you put all your weight on it to take your other foot down. But curb cuts, especially with those contact pads installed, make things far, far easier. You just go down one carefully (black ice can still form there, though with the slope and the landing strip it’s rare and patchy instead of smooth sheets of solid ice crystal) and hobble around to your car. Black ice still regularly kills people, but having a way to mitigate the risk has saved hundreds, possibly thousands of lives over the years. And all because society bowed to the will of wheelchair users. They call this the curb cut effect: the idea that successful accessibility measures benefit abled people as much as, if not more than, the disabled people they help. As is common for disability studies, academic research on the concept seems pretty scarce and limited mostly to grad student papers, and its public penetration seems limited to blog posts and articles in small magazines. As is also common in disability studies, a lot of the data is already there, it’s just that nobody with any clout has bothered to synthesize it yet. Like, I found a study on university students and their opinions of close captioning that showed 98.6% of people surveyed approved of their presence and 85% regularly used them. Less than one in 10 use them specifically because they had a disability, even though that’s usually why they put those captions in place; instead, most people use them to aid comprehension, whether they spoke English as a second language and use the clarification, wanted to make up for poor audio quality, or, overwhelmingly, used them as a learning aid. These were not disabled people; the study drew on thousands of students across the country regardless of their status or identity, but the total number of people who used close captioning beat out the number of disabled people who used it by an order of magnitude, practically the whole sample size. That’s the kind of data that raises eyebrows and draws critiques from scientists dead certain somebody fudged the results in other disciplines. It sounds right to me, though. Let me put it this way: "”The Curb Cut Effect, or Why It Is Basically Impossible To Appropriate From Disabled People” posted:You see, people don’t generally want to accommodate disabled people any more than they have to. Accommodating disabled people is a pain in the neck, and disabled people are generally a small and relatively powerless group with limited ability to complain. However, if any TV network tries to remove closed captioning, they won’t just have to put up with complaints from Deaf people. They will have to put up with complaints from everyone who has ever tried to watch TV in a noisy bar. The latter is far more likely to strike fear in the TV executive’s heart. You see this fact, this broad applicability of accessibility measures, everywhere you look once you start digging into universal design. Color palettes designed to get around colorblindness tend to be easier to distinguish under stress because the contrast between them is so universal. User interfaces designed for use by people with anxiety disorders take less time and effort to use since the process strips out cruft and distractions that would otherwise slow people down. Workplaces designed around accommodating sensory issues see small but universal bumps in productivity as distractions are removed for everyone. And, of course, 9 out of 10 people detour to use curb cuts. So, why is the curb cut effect only barely a thing? Why aren’t people rolling it out on the regular, let alone studying it? Well, probably the same reasons Google Glass failed. You remember Google Glass, right? Those ugly-rear end goggles that told you you were dealing with an insufferable tech bro at best and someone actively recording you at worst? I was genuinely surprised to find out that not only is Google still selling them, but apparently they’ve moved on to a second edition. You have to special order them, though, and mostly they go to specialists in medical or scientific fields. As much money as Google sank into selling it to the public, it failed in the mass market. Now, if you just read the Wikipedia article, you get the impression it failed because of privacy concerns. And it’s true, as much as they tried to downplay it, you really could record just about anything with those things, legally or not. There were rumors it was compatible with MORIS, a facial recognition after designed for use by cops to identify and arrest people. I’m not interested in defending Google Glass. But go back and read that Scientific American article. The guy who wrote it, David Pogue, is a seasoned tech writer with a history of digging up little ways tech companies bilk their customers and mounting pressure campaigns to stop them. He’s an insightful man with an attention to detail. So let’s return the favor and close-read that article. Watch how, as much as he dwells on the intentions of others, he focuses entirely on himself whenever he can. Think about how he repeatedly mentions the smugness of people who use it, but the only time he interacts with someone wearing one he talks entirely about his own behavior, not hers. Try and fail to figure out what she thought of the situation. Observe how he confidently predicts the precise behavior of people and organizations in a field that fetishizes defying expectations. Read this line: quote:There she was, wearing this creepy-looking, faux-futuristic forehead band Now read this article. If you click on one link in this post – and there are many links in this post you should – make it this one.  Here’s an image of the things. On first glance, it’s pretty similar to normal glasses: the lenses, the band, that little bridge thing that sits on your nose. But then you have a band on top that bridges the lenses, a bunch of tech on the right leg, and a little plastic thing that sticks out over your eye. It has that same bulky, utilitarian look so much assistive technology does. We’ve seen over and over again in this thread the kind of harsh judgment our society heaps on people who dare to need accommodations without looking stereotypically disabled. So is it any wonder society looks at Glass users and decides they’re all glassholes? Combine the instinctive revulsion so many people feel looking at assistive technology with the perception that someone abled-looking using it is automatically abusing it and you get that instant hostile gut reaction Pogue described. Of course he thinks it looks creepy. Of course he assumes people will abuse its capabilities. Of course he doesn’t bother writing anything about his one encounter with it in the wild other than his own suspicion and discomfort. Tech writer or not, the part of his psyche that hasn’t changed since caveman days looks at Glass users tells him they’re dangerous, sick, know it, and want to interact with him anyway. But he’s a rational guy. He’s not gonna just throw everything at the wall; he evenhandedly dismissed concerns over distraction, after all. Security and privacy, though, THERE’S something real to worry about. That must be why. Of course he focuses on perceptions: that’s where his disgust comes from. Of course he notes that Google rep visibly isn’t recording him, then casts doubt on her and the technology involved: it’s about what he thinks of that technology, not how it’s actually used. And on a broader scale, of course the world assumed Glass users were all assholes guaranteed to abuse its capabilities: they already see abled people using assistive technology as shitheads using things not meant for them, so the privacy issues just added fuel to the fire. It didn’t help that when Google tried to stir up positive publicity, they started testing it for its use in treating autism (including sloppy experimentation on ABA sufferers, because of course they did). So they proved Glass really WAS assistive technology. The public’s instincts confirmed, they just doubled down, and Glass entered the dustbin of history. (These instincts, I feel, are part of what drives resistance to masks and vaccines. To an abled person who embraces those concepts, if they are healthy, they do not need medical treatment. They instinctually grasp masks and vaccines are tools that exist to fill a medical need – they’re assistive technology, in other words – and since they’re abled, they don’t need it. Anyone who doesn’t need assistive technology but uses it anyway is a hypochondriac at best and actively malicious at worst. Therefore, they see imposing medical equipment or treatments on them as an insult, an assumption of disability, with all the assumptions of helplessness and incompetence that come with it. Combine that with the sponsorship of groups they don’t trust on logic they don’t fully understand and it becomes nefarious, a way these mysterious groups can convince the gullible to submit to them. That’s why believers seem to hop between mutually exclusive conspiracy theories or insist their right to self-determination frees them from any obligations or identify mandates with the worst kinds of crimes and violations. Masks and vaccines can’t be useful to them. Just flat out. It’s obvious to them. They assume it’s obvious to everybody. So they fight back viciously against what they see as a threat. But there’s more going on there than just that, and let’s not get any further into politics.) There’s a widespread perception, more common in some places than others but present throughout society, that if two or more mutually exclusive groups exist, they’ll inevitably start competing over resources or influence or power or anything else they’re both interested in. In its weaker and more idealistic forms, this perception frames competition as a moral good because competitors have do better in order to succeed: businesses compete for sales by producing better and more affordable products, charities compete for donations by proving more effective at their missions, political parties compete for votes by proving their platform is better suited to the needs of the people. Enlightened self-interest naturally pushes people towards the best possible decisions, you know. Trouble is, well, everybody’s self-interested but nobody’s reached enlightenment. If at any point the stakes get too high, then when you have to choose between keeping what you have now and shooting for some vague benefit down the line, you’ll probably opt not to let your power or happiness or safety go down the drain instead of taking a risk that may not get you what you want. The higher the stakes, the more likely it is you’ll resort to terrible behavior just to keep up. Businesses use predatory pricing, abuse their workers, buy off politicians, or just ignore the law, knowing it’s cheaper to bury their poorer victims in lawsuits, settlements, and NDAs then change profitable business practices. Charities spend their money on publicity campaigns and building reputations, papering over, say, the Red Cross’s incompetence, the Salvation Army’s active malice, or Live Aid helping fund the deaths of hundreds of thousands. Political parties blame every issue on the opposition until they look like the only bulwark against the end of civilization, then ignore the needs of their voters while collecting donations, monkeying with the electoral system, or straight-up seizing power. Plus, if you put a person’s identity on the line, then that perception can fuel horrors because that perception implies whatever wins is superior and whatever loses will be subjugated or erased. Religions compete over where people’s souls go. Ideologies compete over how people structure their lives. Genders compete over who dominates the household. Ethnic groups compete over what resources they can claim. At its most extreme, it means the idea of peace between groups is inherently impossible and anyone who says otherwise is trying to take out the competition; there is no room for cooperation, only victory, and any act is justifiable so long as you come out on top. But that’s an extreme. Just because you’d benefit from doing something horrible doesn’t mean you’re going to do it, and most people don’t let that perception override their morality. There’s plenty of room there for suppressing that instinct as a gesture of respect or cooperating on issues that affect everybody or supporting groups that are less competitive than yours. Hell, you could say the last one increases healthy competition by giving capable people otherwise screwed over by the market, society, or just life a chance to actually contribute in proportion to their ability. I owe my job to that line of logic. But there’s always that instinct, that silent voice in the back of your head that tells you life is a zero-sum game and there’s always a competition somewhere. That same voice also points out places where the competition feels rigged, like somebody already tilted the scales and everything feels off. It tells you to push back, because it could screw you over and it could screw people you care about over and it could screw anybody over and it’s unfair and it’s wrong and it needs to be fixed. At its most functional, enlightened self-interest lives off that instinct because it takes abstract social wrongs and makes them personal; they become violations of your vision of how the world works, things you feel compelled to fix because genuinely leveling the playing field is the only way to make that cognitive dissonance go away. In theory. But hijacking self-interest isn’t reaching enlightenment, and that instinct is why universal design never seems to make much of an impact. To a large chunk of the population, abled people using assistive technology like disabled people gives users an unfair advantage because, to them, assistive technology exists only to make disabled people competitive. You ask the people that harass wheelchair users who aren’t “obviously disabled” why they do what they do, you hear a lot of accusations of laziness, entitlement, and arrogance. Dig deeper, start parsing out their statements, and eventually you get to the truth of the matter: they think the people they harass are taking stuff disabled people need away from them for their own benefit. Sure, sometimes abled people try to lay their hands on assistive technology, but as a rule making it publicly available (and cheaper) tends to help us, especially given underdiagnosis and the expense of medical equipment; the spread of weighted blankets put anxiety relief equipment in the hands of people who needed it as anxiety disorders increased and then skyrocketed, and the fidget spinner craze gave a lot of kids a lot of stim toys really, really fast.  I have a version of this model by my desk. Each of its three arms has a flexible button that flips in and out when I press it, and they all spin around a central axle when I hold it and black one of the arms. It cost $4.99 at Walgreens and its most efficient tool I’ve ever had to keep me on track during meetings. As for assistive technology making life easier? In high school, I remember one of the school douchebags got a pair of crutches one day and started using them around school. We made fun of him for being too lazy to walk (and also being really sweaty). Then I sprained my ankle in college and had to use crutches of my own, and turns out, the reason he was sweaty was because it takes a substantial amount of effort to haul your bulk around on the drat things. Assistive technology makes life easier, but it doesn’t make it easy; between accessibility issues and the sheer effort required to use it most of the time, the costs outweigh the benefits. Abled people who think assistive technology gives you a free ride often change their minds after spending time with it. But that division is so strong it takes more than simple facts to break it When people with the power to implement universal design hear about it, more often than not they dismiss it as something for disabled people with the ideological equivalent of a marketing spin on it. At the end of the day, they look at the fact that, for all universal design helps abled people, it helps disabled people more, and treat it like something only disabled people want, something that belongs to the disabled group. All the studies in the world on how they can help your citizens or customers or employees won’t pierce that resistance because it isn’t rational, at least not past the first layer or two; they deem it a minority issue and treat it with the same care and respect people in power usually afford minority issues. So it gets ignored, or delayed indefinitely or watered down until it doesn’t matter, and people suffer for it. Ableism, of course, also plays a role here, as it does everywhere else in this disability corner; it’s what fuels that gut reaction, makes people dismissive, and enforces the divide between abled and disabled in the first place. But society at large barely acknowledges its existence. Tackling it is (literally) the work of a lifetime, probably several. That isn’t what accessibility is for. Accessibility as a concept exists to make people’s lives easier right now. You don’t have to start protests about it or anything to start seeing its effects on just about everyone. Way, way back, I revised the LP to repeat the text in images below the images themselves and labeled each portrait before lines of dialogue. Most LPs do neither because it takes extra work to put them in or transcribe things if you don’t have a script, and that work builds up over time. I did it to make it possible to read the LP with a screenreader (not that this LP is that screenreader-friendly, but I can only go so far until the forum implements new features). And then I realized not shifting my eyes between different text sizes and fonts greatly reduced eyestrain, and I found there was something elegant to the format one particularly virtuous poster came up with for portraits that draws your eyes in and down as you read. If you want a good example of how the universality of accessibility works, here’s your example: measures intended to help a specific group of disabled people paid off and made the reading experience so much smoother. If you guys want to, I encourage you trying to spread the format; at some point I’m going to take that workflow disability corner I cobbled together and restructure it into a guide for the Tech Support Fort and see if I can’t get people using it elsewhere. What kind of activist would I be if I didn’t shove my nose in where it didn’t belong ?Falconier111 fucked around with this message at 06:25 on Dec 14, 2021 |
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Dec 13, 2021 23:58
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I recall a point in my life when I was..."forced into a wheelchair" isn't completely accurate as stilts were probably available, but it was the option they gave me when I heavily injured/bruised my ankles at some point (still never got full confirmation on that, I got an official diagnosis and medication on it but it likely was to shut me the hell up as they work completely fine nowadays without said medication???) (walking wasn't an option, it was crawling unless I had a supportive device of some kind), and I never really thought too heavily about curb cuts (including the name) until that exact time period. I'm aware this is heavily heavily undermining the entire post and that I wasn't "technically" disabled, but it's one point that particularly stuck out to me on a personal level. I'm fascinated by the history of the curb cut, and glad they became more commonplace for people who are less fortunate than myself who are in fact dedicated to a wheelchair permanently or longer than a month, and am certainly not against other groups finding use out of it. I'd call it an extra bonus, where it was of course intended a specific group of people, but others found useful for different accessibility reasons. As for the Rin route, I have absolutely nothing new to add in that others haven't already echoed. I find her particularly relatable with how some of my real world conversations have went before. Also Emi I know you're trying to get Rin to eat some sweets and maybe the first response was blunt but "nothing thank you" is completely acceptable too!
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Dec 14, 2021 00:50
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Falconier111 posted:Just because you’d benefit from doing something horrible doesn’t mean you’re going to do it, and most people don’t let that perception override their morality. I was reading along with mounting confusion (going "None of that is true of me..." in a very egotistical thought process) until I hit that sentence, then it clicked and I was like "Oh, right, that's because I'm autistic!" No, seriously. A very recent study showed that autistic people stick to their morality more than neurotypicals. And of course the researchers framed this as somehow a problem of "excessive morality" in the NDs, because being ND is bad, so any divergence from neurotypical behavior must also be bad. 
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Dec 14, 2021 02:09
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I remember when I got my first pair of glasses. I was in the second grade and had just turned 8, so most of what I read at the time was children's literature. There must have been over two dozen stories that immediately sprang to mind about a kid getting a pair of glasses and getting teased by someone about it. So I was a little worried when I first walked into school. But no one cared. My friends did and they told me I looked nice, but no one teased me. No one even seemed to notice I was wearing them. All that worry for nothing. But looking back, doesn't that say a lot about how glasses and other disabilities are treated in media? The stories I read as a kid, when glasses were considered relatively normal and acceptable, usually ended up with the protagonist or some other kid getting teased or mocked for their glasses. Even when the ending would wind up showing it was important to wear them because your health is more important, it was telling that it was expected for people with glasses to be teased. So much so that I was surprised when it didn't happen to me. Yet it's reached the point where you can literally step into a dollar store and pick up a pair of cheaters with ease.
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Dec 14, 2021 02:20
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Falconier111 posted:for all universal design abled people, it helps disabled people more I think you're missing a "helps" here.
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Dec 14, 2021 02:21
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SimplyUnknown1 posted:I remember when I got my first pair of glasses. I was in the second grade and had just turned 8, so most of what I read at the time was children's literature. There must have been over two dozen stories that immediately sprang to mind about a kid getting a pair of glasses and getting teased by someone about it. So I was a little worried when I first walked into school. But no one cared. My friends did and they told me I looked nice, but no one teased me. No one even seemed to notice I was wearing them. All that worry for nothing. Might just be an age thing, I can't really think of any recent piece of media that has something like that, it's almost all older stuff where kids get teased for glasses.
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Dec 14, 2021 03:11
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Ibblebibble posted:Might just be an age thing, I can't really think of any recent piece of media that has something like that, it's almost all older stuff where kids get teased for glasses. Yeah, back when I got my glasses in 2007, they were becoming cool. Likewise I did some work for an eyeglass frame company. I wrote down that in the West, glasses were seen as nerdy and uncool. The owners, who were all from China, were surprised by this because in their culture, glasses were seen as wise. (Yes I know about Mao, but the owners seemed to be born after that whole madness.)
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Dec 14, 2021 05:29
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SimplyUnknown1 posted:I remember when I got my first pair of glasses. I was in the second grade and had just turned 8, so most of what I read at the time was children's literature. There must have been over two dozen stories that immediately sprang to mind about a kid getting a pair of glasses and getting teased by someone about it. So I was a little worried when I first walked into school. But no one cared. My friends did and they told me I looked nice, but no one teased me. No one even seemed to notice I was wearing them. All that worry for nothing. Same. The day I got my glasses we watched an episode of a children's TV show (I think Goofy and Max) where someone got bullied for wearing glasses. That certainly left an impression. I got called four-eyes once in my entire life.
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Dec 14, 2021 05:36
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FlamingRok posted:I recall a point in my life when I was..."forced into a wheelchair" isn't completely accurate as stilts were probably available, but it was the option they gave me when I heavily injured/bruised my ankles at some point (still never got full confirmation on that, I got an official diagnosis and medication on it but it likely was to shut me the hell up as they work completely fine nowadays without said medication???) (walking wasn't an option, it was crawling unless I had a supportive device of some kind), and I never really thought too heavily about curb cuts (including the name) until that exact time period. I'm aware this is heavily heavily undermining the entire post and that I wasn't "technically" disabled, but it's one point that particularly stuck out to me on a personal level. I'm fascinated by the history of the curb cut, and glad they became more commonplace for people who are less fortunate than myself who are in fact dedicated to a wheelchair permanently or longer than a month, and am certainly not against other groups finding use out of it. I'd call it an extra bonus, where it was of course intended a specific group of people, but others found useful for different accessibility reasons. The fact that people can (and usually do) slip in and out of the disabled and abled categories over the course of their lives is a solid testament to just how arbitrary the social construction of disability can be. Was I disabled when I used those crutches? Well, yes, because I was autistic. But would having to use crutches to get around slot me into that category by itself? I couldn’t leave my bed without assistive technology for the first couple weeks, and I’d say that definitely qualifies as disabled. And a month later I was more or less back to full mobility. If I was neurotypical, would I have temporarily dipped into and out of the disabled category? I think the answer would vary from person to person. I generally take the inclusive view; I’ve heard it said everyone becomes disabled if they live long enough. Dire Lemming posted:I think you're missing a "helps" here.  Goddamnit, I knew I missed SOMETHING. That bastard was over 4000 words long (a new record!), there’s no way I wouldn’t post it without something going wrong.E: almost posted this without the 4000 DoubleE: there’s now way 
Falconier111 fucked around with this message at 06:28 on Dec 14, 2021 |
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Dec 14, 2021 06:20
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Falconier111 posted:The fact that people can (and usually do) slip in and out of the disabled and abled categories over the course of their lives is a solid testament to just how arbitrary the social construction of disability can be. Was I disabled when I used those crutches? Well, yes, because I was autistic. But would having to use crutches to get around slot me into that category by itself? I couldn’t leave my bed without assistive technology for the first couple weeks, and I’d say that definitely qualifies as disabled. And a month later I was more or less back to full mobility. If I was neurotypical, would I have temporarily dipped into and out of the disabled category? I think the answer would vary from person to person. I generally take the inclusive view; I’ve heard it said everyone becomes disabled if they live long enough. Temporary disability is definitely a thing; there are even labor laws in the US about employees being able to get leave for being temporarily disabled. Even some surgeries, like knee/hip replacements, that are intended to allow someone to walk without discomfort will temporarily disable a person for a month or three while they heal up.
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Dec 14, 2021 06:26
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I'm not going to deny that the curb cut effect is a thing, but I can't be the only person who would step up the curb, except that there's grass between the sidewalk and the street everywhere except where the curb cuts or driveways are. It's more convenient, but sometimes, the more convenient, accessible version of something completely replaces the original version, and the use statistics don't so much prove that people are using it, just that people are still doing the same thing they used to do in the only way they can. That's probably the best outcome, though, because I know the mentality of not wanting to use an accessibility feature because I don't need it. I used to avoid foods that were marked as diet or low anything until I had no choice but to make the switch. Since then, I've been suspecting that the diet industry is a backdoor plan to make food more accessible. I thought Dr. Atkins was a fraud when I heard about the low-carb diet, but now I think he just had diabetic friends who were having a hard time finding convenient food and decided that the only way to make it available was to convince non-diabetic people that they could benefit from it as well. Prove me wrong. (Do not actually prove me wrong; I'm probably wrong.) Contrary to this idea of saving accessible items for the people who need them, if more people buy them, demand increases and more of them will be available in total. Usually. This has led me to wonder why we still have curbs and don't just make the entire street-sidewalk interface into ramps, but that's probably like asking why they don't make the whole plane out of the black box material. I was in the eyeglasses crowd, and I got mine before anyone had heard the name Steve Urkel. In fact, I was about six years old. At that age, they were more of a curiosity than something to be made fun of. Then again, I didn't always understand when people were making fun of me, so perhaps they did and I just had no idea.
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Dec 14, 2021 12:12
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There's something very funny to me that Rin is canonically supposed to be the "what the gently caress are you talking about" character, the one that's 'off' and out of step and hard to understand, but is there anything more understandable and common than being anxious that you're not being clear, or worrying that you're not in control of your life, or struggling to feel that you're ready for things you've prepared for? Makes me feel like Hisao is the one in the story who's divergent. Nidoking posted:This has led me to wonder why we still have curbs and don't just make the entire street-sidewalk interface into ramps, but that's probably like asking why they don't make the whole plane out of the black box material. It's a couple reasons ranging from water management to construction but for my money the best reason is car/pedestrian segregation. Cars are already enough of a menace.
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Dec 14, 2021 13:01
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Dirk the Average posted:Temporary disability is definitely a thing; there are even labor laws in the US about employees being able to get leave for being temporarily disabled. Even some surgeries, like knee/hip replacements, that are intended to allow someone to walk without discomfort will temporarily disable a person for a month or three while they heal up. The interesting question is whether or not they could fairly identity as disabled, knowing they wouldn’t be in a short while. I know a lot of disabled people who’d react negatively to the concept
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Dec 14, 2021 16:16
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Falconier111 posted:The interesting question is whether or not they could fairly identity as disabled, knowing they wouldn’t be in a short while. I know a lot of disabled people who’d react negatively to the concept I think it depends on the scenario, but it should be possible. Let's say that someone had extensive surgery on their lower body. They would fully recover in due time, but during the recovery period, their doctor recommended they use a wheelchair. It's not a permanent disability, but the person using the wheelchair would have to deal with all the things that a permanent wheelchair user does. Since it's not permanent for them, does that mean he or she shouldn't use the wheelchair parking spaces available? Or the electric grocery carts that are offered? Just because a disability is temporary in this case doesn't make it less real. There shouldn't be a time limit on things like this, at least in my opinion.
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Dec 14, 2021 16:56
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I think the semantics here are about identity. There's disability as a limitation on either what someone can do or how they can do it, and there's disability as part of someone's self-identification. It's the same difference between "I am depressed because I've experienced a traumatic situation and am still trying to figure out how to cope with it," and "I am depressed because I have a chemical imbalance." For one person, this is a temporary condition that is distinctly different from their personal normal, and likely not something they would integrate into their identity. For the other, it's as much part of who they are as anything else, and they would be more likely to identify with it. There's very much an element of "You don't know what it's like to experience this over the long term, so it's not appropriate for you to use the same word to describe it." But there's also "You've had a long time to learn to compensate for this, while I have to learn how to do things in a new way, and the rest of the world expects me to maintain the proficiencies I had previously without giving me space to reach them, and since this condition will end, the expense of making that effort may not be worth it."
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Dec 14, 2021 18:17
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