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Update 116: Crescendo (Act 3, Scenes 6-7) Sex scene in this update. Katawa Shoujo OST - Everyday Fantasy I lay out the plates of food, steam slowly rising from the well-cooked rice and curry dishes, while Hanako lays out the cutlery. Knife one side, fork on the other. Western. How perfectly fitting for someone like Lilly. As we take our seats, taking careful heed of the dark red tablecloth hanging below our knees, Lilly emerges from the kitchen. In her hands are three glasses and... a bottle of wine? As I recall our previous run-in with that devilish elixir, I hide my face in my palm.  HISAO: "Alcohol? Seriously?" .png) She pauses as she reaches the table, a playful grin perched on her face.  LILLY: "Akira specifically gave permission to take a bottle from her collection." Not only does she give alcohol to minors, she even lets them pilfer their own? The perfect model of a responsible adult Akira is not. More to the point, though, is that this is hardly a meal deserving of alcohol. I'm starting to think Lilly's the type to easily become hooked on things. HISAO: "That's not really the problem. I don't really have any qualms with it, but didn't you have a bad experience with it last time?" LILLY: "Last time was likely due to drinking too much, so a single glass shouldn't prove a problem. Think of it as a learning experience." HISAO: "I can't recall many learning experiences that made me feel rotten before putting me to sleep, but I'll take your word for it." She dips an uninjured finger inside to feel the liquid level, tip against the bottom as the liquid rises up. The white of her finger almost seems to glow as the sunlight hits it, the delicate outline blurred and refracted by the glass. Her fingers are definitely longer than mine, the kind I'd think more suited to a pianist than a teacher. She'd likely have done well if she'd learned how to play. We quickly dig into our meal, forks and knives clattering against plates. None of us are particularly eager to speak while eating, Lilly altogether too reserved for such a thing, Hanako probably too shy to start conversation, and I too busy savoring the food. Such a pedestrian activity, eating together at a table. It seems so utterly normal, yet it makes me realize how long it's been since I've done something like this. Just the three of us, sitting around a single table eating as if we were a malformed family. Maybe this trip, as far away from everything as we are, was worth it. It takes quite a long time, but eventually we all finish our surprisingly filling meal. The wine, thankfully, has little effect given we've only had a glass or two each. I slump back into the seat, rubbing my stomach contentedly. HISAO: "I'm stuffed." Lilly pats her mouth with a napkin. Twice, only twice, and with evenly timed intervals inbetween. It's hard to tell sometimes whether how she acts is a well-trained routine or a well-rehearsed act. LILLY: "I think I must be as well. Did you like it, Hanako?"  HANAKO: "Mm, it was nice." LILLY: "Now that we're well fed, shall we be off?" HISAO: "Off? Where?" LILLY: "Ah, you weren't privy to the discussion between Hanako and I earlier." I get the impression that she's having a subtle dig at my sleeping in. HANAKO: "We'll be going into the town nearby." I guess I should have expected two girls to take a holiday as an excuse to go shopping, no matter where on the planet they may be. I am interested to see more around the north though, so this can only be a good thing. HISAO: "Sounds good. How long's the walk in, then?" LILLY: "It's supposed be around a mile to a mile and a half." HISAO: "Nearby, huh? Great." Just great. Katawa Shoujo OST - Air Guitar .png) As we climb up the path surrounded by trees and undergrowth, I watch Lilly and Hanako walking ahead. The slight breeze all but whisks away the sound of Lilly's cane gently tapping on the ground. I notice that Lilly's since removed the bandaid now that the bleeding of her finger has stopped. A deep, lung-filling breath of the fresh country air makes me wish all the harder that the air around home had been quite so clean. It can't have even been half a mile, but I'm already working up a sweat. It isn't a pleasantly cool day, though, so I shouldn't be too hard on myself for it. HISAO: "Hey Lilly, how well do you know this town, anyway?" LILLY: "Since I spent quite a few of my vacations here up until I entered Yamaku, I'd say I know it fairly well. We used to drive there once a weekend then." How I wish Akira was here to drive us now. I quickly take a moment to rub my hands a couple of times, staving off the oddly cold feeling in them. HISAO: "Did you like it up here?" LILLY: "I'd say it was nice during winter, but as you can work out, summers get a little too hot for comfort. It's nice and quiet, at least. My family's real house is quite far south. When they left Japan, my parents gave it to Akira and I. Only Akira lives there now, after my moving into Yamaku." HISAO: "Well, quiet certainly describes this place." Though lonely is how I'd put it. Other than the prophesied small town, there isn't another soul for miles around. Coming from a home nestled deep within the big city, it's certainly different. I think that if I'd not come to Yamaku, staying out in the country like this would be too much of a change to get used to. After getting accustomed to the school's isolation, though, the idea of living in a place such as this has become almost inviting. To be somewhere away from the hustle and bustle of the metropolitan centers. LILLY: "So Hisao, have you been to Hokkaido before?" HISAO: "Nah. I used to live down south, and we never had any field trips or holidays up this far." LILLY: "Well, it's a new experience for you then." HISAO: "Yeah, it is. I'm surprised at how nice it feels here. How about you, Hanako?" She shakes her head from side to side. HANAKO: "It's my first time too." As we continue walking, I begin to feel pins and needles in my legs. It's a little disturbing, given there's no reason for it to be happening. HISAO: "Could you two hold on a moment? I just need to..." (Silence) LILLY: "Is anything wrong?" HISAO: "Nah, I've just got pins and needles in..." Katawa Shoujo OST - Cold Iron (Heartbeat) .png) My vocal cords suddenly become taut as my chest tightens instantaneously. I quickly pull my upper arm over it, trying to quell the shot of pain spreading throughout my entire body. LILLY: "Hisao?" Lilly's face is only mildly concerned, not knowing the sight which Hanako's recoiling from. HISAO: "I'm fine, I'm... fine. Just... tired..." I remove my arm from my chest and force myself to begin walking again. It's just a minor heart flutter, so it'll pass like the others. It only takes a couple of steps before my body violently revolts against me, my legs suddenly beginning to give way underneath me and all tension in my knees seeming to evaporate. .png) Before I can react they uselessly give way under my weight, leaving me only just enough time to brace myself and fall onto all fours. HISAO: "Ah, drat..." HANAKO: "Hisa... AAAAH!" As I look up to her I realize my face is still taut with pain, only adding that much more to her worrying. LILLY: "Hisao!? Hanako, tell me what's going on! Hanako, tell me!" Hanako quickly moves to my side as Lilly almost panics, having little clue as to exactly how bad a condition I'm in. While she stands there petrified, I lower my face and take a deep breath. I come to a realization that makes me endlessly irritated with my stupid self. With all the excitement of my new surroundings, I'd entirely neglected to take my medications last night or even this morning. (Silence) Taking another breath, the acute pain in my chest begins to die down as suddenly as it had arrived. Thank God. Thank God. Thank God, thank God, thank God. .png) As it does, I become acutely aware of the sweat by now pouring off my face and the two scared girls around me. LILLY: "Hisao!" HISAO: "I'm fine, Lilly. I'm... fine." I screw up my brow in an effort to lever myself up, Hanako's arms quickly moving to catch me if I fall as I stumble a bit before regaining my balance. I look to Lilly and Hanako, worry written on both their faces. I feel awful. Utterly awful. LILLY: "I think we should go back." HISAO: "I..." Realizing the futility of protesting, I look away in frustration. HISAO: "Fine." Katawa Shoujo OST ~ Passing of Time .png) (Silence) .png) I open my eyes groggily, completely bereft of energy. For a while, I simply lie down lifelessly, staring at the ceiling as I review the events of the morning in an attempt to organize my thoughts. We went to walk to town. My heart nearly gave way. We came back. I took my pills. I slept. I can only remember each period of time as a snapshot, but the timeline is clear enough. The memory of the girls' faces as I struggled to stand is an unpleasant one, stinging my feelings harshly. If I look at the ceiling hard enough, I can imagine the tile edges and small dimples of the ceiling in the hospital. That fact alone is enough to make me sit up and try to pull myself together. I scratch the back of my disheveled hair, glancing around the room. Lilly and Hanako are nowhere to be seen, and the television's turned off. The clock above it says it's pretty late in the afternoon. The noticeably reddened sky outside the windows confirms it further. I turn and pick myself off the futon, swaying slightly as I put my arms out for balance. I suppose I'd better go look for the girls to see if they're... all right... As I look out the window, I faintly see something in the distance. Straining my eyes, I can just make out the shape of a person's figure. Her long blonde hair, swaying in the faint breeze, makes her almost seem to melt into the bright yellow of the wheat field. Without a second thought, I leave the room to follow that lone apparition. Katawa Shoujo OST - Innocence .png) The brightness of the setting sun assaults my freshly woken eyes, forcing me to avert them until they adjust. The long, yellow strands of wheat brush against my legs as I wade through them, the densely-grown field making it hard to advance. Regardless, my eyes stay fixed ahead, true to that solitary figure. Within minutes I reach her, meters behind her turned back. .png) HISAO: "Lilly?" She simply nods. HISAO: "Where's Hanako?" LILLY: "She's in bed. She went to sleep after I calmed her down." She says it matter-of-factly and with as few words as possible, as if saying any more was strictly forbidden. There's something different about her. Her normally confident figure seems oddly fragile, her body offering no resistance to the breeze blowing her skirt. The strands of wheat sway from side to side while a deafening pause passes, the only sound being their rustling. As we stand in the field alone, I know what I have to ask. HISAO: "What's wrong, Lilly? You're not acting like you usually do." LILLY: "Remember when I talked of my family, Hisao?" HISAO: "Your family..." I look downwards in thought, sifting through my scattered memories. The event seems to leap ready to hand when I search for it, rising to the surface as soon as it was recalled. HISAO: "After Hanako's birthday party?" She gives a single, simple nod. LILLY: "It was nice... back then. You and I, celebrating with Hanako. Simply sharing presents, talking, having fun together. It was almost as if we were a family. One small, misshapen family. I thought that could just go on forever. Just the three of us, happily together." She takes a long breath, a slight shakiness to it just barely audible through the moving air. LILLY: "Even if my family was so far away... as long as we were together, that was all I needed. I don't want to lose you, Hisao. I didn't even realize how afraid I was of losing someone else until today. Until..." HISAO: "I'm sorry, Lilly. I know my body's weak, but even then I make the most stupid of mistakes." (Silence) LILLY: "Don't apologize... please don't apologize..." HISAO: "Lilly...?" She turns to face me, her pale cheeks stained with tears. One misguided step after another she stumbles towards me, her arms held out in search of so much as a faint brush against me. Katawa Shoujo OST - Romance in Andante II .png) My heart doesn't race nor pound as I step towards Lilly, gently taking and steadying her in my arms as she quickly clutches to me, sobbing. With her face trembling against my shoulder, the next words from her mouth are the last I expected. LILLY: "I love you, Hisao. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you! Don't go away, I beg of you. Never, ever go away. I love you, so please...!" Katawa Shoujo OST - Romance in Andante II So... that's why she's been acting like this. That tender voice when I called her, her thoughtless concern at the slightest pain I might feel... After having been left in Japan without her family, and with only Akira, Hanako and I around, she was afraid of losing yet another person who was close to her. She was genuinely worried for me. It's a strange feeling. A mix of surprise and sorrow, yet also of the deepest gratitude I think I've ever felt. The only reaction I can muster among my conflicting emotions is a calm sigh. HISAO: "You idiot." LILLY: "Hi... sao?" For a fleeting moment, I feel her body become still. The only movement to be felt is the calm afternoon breeze. HISAO: "I said it before, didn't I? It's only natural to feel concerned about those around you. I'm still here, and I'll always be here, because I want to see you more each day. To share in your happiness, to support you in your sadness... But most of all, I'll still be here because I want to see your smile. Your true smile." A single gust of wind rustles the long strands of wheat, a second's silence passes. HISAO: "Smile when you want to smile. Cry when you want to cry. I love you, Lilly. So you don't have to hold back any more." With that, her arms clutch my back as tightly as she can, her face buried beside mine. .png) Her tears fall down my back and she cries unrestrainedly as the last of her resistance melts away. LILLY: "Hisao! Hisao! Hisao!" I close my eyes and bring my head down to her shoulder, holding her shaking frame tightly. HISAO: "It's okay, Lilly. I'll never go away. I promise." (Silence) We slowly walk back to the house, holding each other tightly as we take a seat inside. Lilly leans her head onto my shoulder as I put my arm around her waist. Neither of us has any want to break the silence. With her eyes shut it's hard to work out whether she's fallen asleep. Not that I mind: the warmth of her body leaning against me, the softness of her hand delicately held in mine... For a long, long time we sit leaning against one another, sharing our warmth and feelings as night eventually begins to settle in. Lilly's gentle, soft voice ends the silence. Katawa Shoujo OST - Aria De l’Etoile .png) LILLY: "Thank you, Hisao." HISAO: "Thank you?" LILLY: "For returning my feelings." HISAO: "Did you think I wouldn't?" LILLY: "There was the possibility." I take a deep breath in thought. That much was only my fault. HISAO: "It's funny, actually. I was thinking of telling you about my own feelings sometime soon. I guess, in that way, you saved me the effort." She raises her head a little and gives a tiny, amused giggle. I smile at how earnest it is, so girlish in its lightness. She collects herself soon afterward, her hair resting against my shoulder. HISAO: "Feeling a bit better?" She gives a small nod. LILLY: "You are thoughtful, Hisao. That's why I like you." HISAO: "I'm sorry I'm like this. As much as I didn't want to make you concerned for me, I couldn't do anything to prevent it." LILLY: "Don't apologize for it. Please don't." HISAO: "Lilly?" .png) LILLY: "Have I ever apologized for my blindness, even once? You can't help the way you were born, Hisao. There's no point in apologizing for who you are. She says this with surprising conviction. In the end, it was perhaps this mentality which spurred her to befriend me in such a short time, in addition to her motherly instincts. She did seem to become trusting very quickly, but I'd never questioned why. Now it seems obvious that she did so to help me as I went through one of the lowest points of my life. I move to respond, but cut myself off as I feel her fingers run gently through my hair. I feel their soft and delicate touch moving downwards to trace the contours of my face, her palm finally settling on my cheek. LILLY: "You are a beautiful person, Hisao. Please, don't ever apologize for that." For a moment, I'm utterly speechless. I slowly bend my head down, placing a tender kiss on her light, voluminous hair. HISAO: "We're a couple of right old fools, aren't we?" LILLY: "...We are." After a long calm, she speaks again. LILLY: "Hisao?" HISAO: "Yes?" (Silence) LILLY: "I... I wouldn't mind if you..." I feel her hand tensing under mine, trembling slightly. My mouth opens, but try as I might I can't formulate a response to her proposition. HISAO: "Lilly..." Before I can say another word, she slips her hand from under mine and tenderly holds the side of my face once more. LILLY: "Please." I give a peaceful smile, holding her hand against my cheek as I nod a single time. HISAO: "Okay." Katawa Shoujo OST - Letting My Heart Speak As I look into her eyes, she leans towards me. Her delicate lips touch mine as she guides herself with her hand. She breaks off not a second later, faintly smiling. LILLY: "I love you, Hisao." We kiss again, this time with both of us meeting the other. While the previous kiss was one of love, this is one of lust, our tongues meeting and our breathing heavy. After precious seconds we part, both our faces well and truly flushed. Both of us bring our fingers to our lips in unison, recalling that fleeting feeling, rapidly becoming buried both by our urges and bashfulness. Lilly is the first to shift uncomfortably, though. HISAO: "What is it?" LILLY: "Should we... get more comfortable?" HISAO: "Hmm? Ah, o-okay..." Now that she mentions it, this futon would be a bit too narrow to do much on. Considering the thoughts running through both our minds, it's no small wonder one of us has any measure of foresight left. I take her hands and guide her sideways as I move, the brief and awkward dance ending with both of us tentatively sitting on the floor opposite each other. As I reach forward to pull her top up, she stops after she moves her hands to do the same. LILLY: "You're shaking..." I pause for a moment and look at my hands. Sure enough, they're quivering slightly. Whether it's from nervousness or excitement, I'm not sure. HISAO: "Uh... I guess I am." LILLY: "So you're as nervous as I am, then?" I withdraw my hands and sigh, steadying myself. We have plenty of time, so there's no need to rush this. HISAO: "Sorry. It's my first time, so I'm a bit..." She giggles shakily, all but confirming what I reasonably deduced by now. LILLY: "It's the same for me. I'm happy... we could share this together." I match her smile twofold, leaning forward and taking her body in my arms as she reaches to hug me back. HISAO: "I love you, Lilly." LILLY: "You already said that." I can't help grinning. Even in such a situation, she still has her wits about her. Breaking our embrace, we decide to take off our own clothing. .png) They begin undressing themselves, with Lilly definitely taking the lead. She stops when she feels his chest and finds his surgery scar. LILLY: "Should we... really be doing this kind of thing...?" Those words bother me beyond what is rational. Lilly's face breaks my heart more than even her words possibly could, yet I don't even know the answer to her question. I can't let this condition dominate me forever. It may not even be medically advisable, but I outright refuse to live my life in such a prison. HISAO: "It's okay, Lilly. This much will be okay." The encounter is brief and simple but highly charged. By the end, the two are both exhausted, but more from the sheer emotional intensity than the physical activity. They practically pass out in each other’s laps. Falconier111 fucked around with this message at 23:24 on Feb 2, 2022 |
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Feb 2, 2022 20:33
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drat Lilly moves fast. Also you've got a broken image tag [img]https://lpix.org/4221981/Screenshot%20(2917).png
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Feb 2, 2022 21:04
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Falconier111 posted:but Lilly stops when she sees his surgery scar  I was under the impression Lilly's blindness was absolute rather than partial, is that not the case?
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Feb 2, 2022 21:56
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Cue fandom jokes about how this path is the one where Hisao's life expectancy is the shortest because all they do is drink tea and wine.Mix. posted:
She feels it with her hand IIRC.
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Feb 2, 2022 22:02
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Falconier111 posted:[]aria d l’etoile Got a missing song tag as well. Does using her hands to feel it not count as seeing? This is a genuine question and hopefully not an insensitive one.
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Feb 2, 2022 22:38
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It's more common for people to associate "seeing" with eyesight, I think feeling around with your hands qualifies as "seeing" personally but it's a little more "unconventional?" Might be the wrong word.
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Feb 2, 2022 22:43
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YaketySass posted:She feels it with her hand IIRC. This. “Sees” is the wrong word. I’ll go back and edit it. Along with everything else  Also: Falconier111 posted:Hot News: another set of job openings in the neurodiversity hiring program have come available. These ones are in Finance (the minimum experience level they’re shooting for is on the level of more than one semester of economics courses in college, and I mean that literally). If you’re interested, shoot me a PM or leave some kind of contact method (i.e. Discord) I can use to reach you in the thread. Edit: I basically dug this out of somewhere that normally wouldn’t approach me, so timing is limited; send me just a confirmation message today or early tomorrow. ZevGun, do you have a more secure way I can contact you?
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Feb 2, 2022 23:17
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Falconier111 posted:ZevGun, do you have a more secure way I can contact you? Sorry for the trouble after you asked about remote work but I forwarded the initial message to my friend and they were not as interested as I thought they might be. Apologies again. ZevGun fucked around with this message at 23:34 on Feb 2, 2022 |
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Feb 2, 2022 23:31
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Strangely enough, I find all the "Don't apologize" talk rather uncomfortable. I'm terrible at apologies myself - I've never really understood how they help anything, and they seem to beg a certain forgiveness response that I'm not capable of processing because my ability to forgive myself for anything is so deficient. Most of the things I do, I do deliberately to cause an expected effect, and in the cases where there's an effect I didn't intend, I'd rather just explain that and let the offended party decide on their own whether it's good enough or not. It's too easy to apologize insincerely, and I don't trust myself to recognize when an apology is genuine, especially when I'm the one apologizing. Not that I never do it - I understand the social implications and can say "I'm sorry" just as convincingly as "How are you" regardless of how I'm feeling. I get very uncomfortable when people apologize to me, and I don't know whether I could explain why if I thought it made sense. I probably don't see myself as worth apologizing to. Like I said, it's not going to affect my emotional state one way or the other - I've generally decided whether I'm going to forgive the person before they say anything. But some people seem to apologize way too much, like punctuation. I have, at least once, asked someone to stop doing that, and I wish I never had. If nothing else, I've heard it tends to be the result of suffering abuse in the past, but honestly, it's just rude on my part. I still say "There's nothing to apologize for" in situations where that's true, but I don't make a blanket statement of it anymore. In this case, I think Lilly is making a much bigger deal of Hisao's apology than he intends. She says things like "Don't apologize for being who you are," which is a nice sentiment outside of the context, but I take his apology to cover the fact that he forgot to take his medication, then signed up for too much exercise after a meal that probably wasn't the best prelude to it. I feel the same way when I find myself in a situation where I need to depend on someone because of my own poor health, and I usually go out of my way to hide whatever condition I may have from anyone who could become concerned, because I don't want them to worry on my behalf. There are chronic conditions we deal with, but we also make decisions that can be bad because the conditions exist. It's kinda like agreeing to give someone a ride somewhere when your car's in the shop - you apologize not because you don't have a car, but because you made an offer you couldn't see through based on not having a car, and someone is inconvenienced as a result. Or maybe I just don't understand any of this. It wouldn't be the first time.
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Feb 3, 2022 01:43
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Uh, that moved quickly. Um. I can kind of see what this route is going for, but I'm more bemused by it than anything else; I don't want to say they don't feel like people to me, exactly, but this romance is coming across as effortless in a way that feels unrealistic to me. (Maybe it feels better-paced when you're actually playing the game? I don't know.) Nidoking posted:Strangely enough, I find all the "Don't apologize" talk rather uncomfortable. I'm terrible at apologies myself - I've never really understood how they help anything, and they seem to beg a certain forgiveness response that I'm not capable of processing because my ability to forgive myself for anything is so deficient. This is an interesting thing to think about. I tend to be the latter type, and I'm never entirely sure whether it stems from insecurity or trying to be considerate (or both, or something else). I have also found that more often than not, over-apologising doesn't actually have the effect I want (putting people at ease, deflecting, etc; sometimes it's just my way of trying to say "this situation sucks") but rather just annoys people and makes the situation worse. (The possibility that it's a reflex from dealing with abusers seems plausible to me. I have a certain amount of experience with emotionally abusive parents: they always seemed to find a way to twist whatever went wrong into being my fault, and it's not hard to see how that could instill a reflex to apologise as self-defence.) My partner, meanwhile, thinks of apologies the way you do, and has been trying for years to get me to stop apologising for things I have no control over. It's a tough habit to break, and I definitely sympathise for Hisao here. In this context it's a bit thornier, because I think "don't apologise for your disability" is in some sense really meant to mean "you shouldn't be ashamed of your disability", or "you shouldn't feel guilty for taking help when you need it". But maybe it would be better to just say those things, instead of linking the sentiment to apologies? I don't know.
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Feb 3, 2022 02:58
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Explopyro posted:Uh, that moved quickly. Um. I sort of agree. The growth of Hisao and Lilly's relationship has actually been fairly well-paced up to this point, but here they go from first confession to fun sexytimes (and Hisao has a lot more sex in-narrative with Lilly than with any of the other girls) with no time for the audience to adjust. They just go home, sit down, and say "Welp, we're officially a couple now. No reason not to go all the way at the first opportunity!" Explopyro posted:My partner, meanwhile, thinks of apologies the way you do, and has been trying for years to get me to stop apologising for things I have no control over. It's a tough habit to break, and I definitely sympathise for Hisao here. Is Hisao apologizing for his disability in general, or for failing to handle it responsibly and causing worry for his friends? A bit of both, I think, but it's not good to conflate the two, because one of them is legit something to apologize for. I thought I recalled from my first playthrough that Hisao had actually been half-assing his medication for a while by this point, but I must have remembered wrong.
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Feb 3, 2022 04:00
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Explopyro posted:Uh, that moved quickly. Um. It's very funny that this is the route that calls the most attention to being set in Japan but it's also the route that so far feels the most overtly, heavily English to me. Lilly's confession here feels very much part and parcel for the literary character type she comes from - 19th century Romances. Shouting the crush's name, the loud repeated "I love you" s, hell even being out in a field like that. It reminded me above all else of a specific scene from Little Women. Of course in such stories they'd get quickly and chastely married rather than losing their virginity like 10 feet away from their sleeping friend, which is very very funny for having the classiest character do almost certainly the trashiest thing. FWIW most of my relationships have moved with this level of speed and subtlety, which is to say "mach 10" and "none."
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Feb 3, 2022 04:03
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I would go so far as to say that this route feels the most "This is a Romance VN". It's the route that has fit best into the "typical" things and plot you'd see in a dating sim VN. Haven't been posting much since I don't feel like I've had much to add to most of the recent routes, but as a person who has read a lot I can at least say that the pace of this particular route feels appropriate for the genre. The game is also glossing over pretty large swathes of time, and it can be hard to spot the fact there have been numerous "fluff" days where Hisao has gotten to hang out with both Lily and Hanako casually and get to know them better. It's sort of happened in other routes too, but I'd say Lily's route so far feels like its had the most of those with Emi's probably being somewhat comparable (would have to reread it to give a better idea).
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Feb 3, 2022 04:05
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It is also common (in my experience of Japanese VNs which contain erotic content) for plots to proceed exactly like that - the confession has been accepted, let's immediately have sex. While understandable to a point when you are playing a game where the erotic content is meant to be a major carrot (good job, she likes you! have some sex now) it often throws characterisation out the window in the process.
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Feb 3, 2022 05:14
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It's absolutely true that there's been a sudden rush that's very reminiscent of the more cookie cutter aspects of the genre. But this also immediately follows Hisao's episode so it's understandable for Lilly to be in #YOLO mode right now.
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Feb 3, 2022 06:52
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Nidoking posted:Strangely enough, I find all the "Don't apologize" talk rather uncomfortable. I'm terrible at apologies myself - I've never really understood how they help anything, and they seem to beg a certain forgiveness response that I'm not capable of processing because my ability to forgive myself for anything is so deficient. To me, an apology is not a statement made in expectation of forgiveness, it is a statement made to express that I am not happy with the current outcome. It could lead to forgiveness, sure, but it is made to indicate that the actions taken were not done with malice and that the outcome has turned out to be regrettable. It is a statement of acknowledging that the recipient of the apology has not been aided, it is not (supposed to be anyways) a "get out of consequences free" card.
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Feb 3, 2022 08:45
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Evil Kit posted:I would go so far as to say that this route feels the most "This is a Romance VN". It's the route that has fit best into the "typical" things and plot you'd see in a dating sim VN. This is completely intentional. The original manga page that inspired KS describes the character that would go on to become Lilly as "kind of cliched". So her route is made up of romance cliches. In fact, almost every single comment made on that page is represented in the final game somehow. It's pretty impressive how they managed to work it all in while still making such good stories.
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Feb 3, 2022 10:29
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SerthVarnee posted:To me, an apology is not a statement made in expectation of forgiveness, it is a statement made to express that I am not happy with the current outcome. Exactly! This is all exactly how I understand it, and there's an implication here that people who apologize regularly have experienced taking an action that they didn't regret, or being happy with an outcome.
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Feb 3, 2022 15:02
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I feel like Lilly's story is as much about Hisao facing his own disability as it is about the romance with Lilly.
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Feb 3, 2022 15:56
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Dance Officer posted:I feel like Lilly's story is as much about Hisao facing his own disability as it is about the romance with Lilly. That's why I like this route, despite this rather awkwardly-out-of-nowhere confession and sex scene (plus a few other janky bits). This is really the one route where Hisao's heart is actually plot-relevant. This is a really great idea: out of all the disabilities presented in this game, blindness is probably the one that is culturally viewed as most terrifying. It's also a very obvious disability, while Hisao "passes" as abled most of the time. Turning that on its head and pointing out "Yeah, Lilly can't see, but she's not at risk of dying if she forgets her meds or gets hit in the chest or gets too stressed out about a test result" confronts the reader with their own biases. It really emphasizes that Hisao too has both limitations and coping strategies that he's going to have to learn. At least that's how it comes across to me 
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Feb 3, 2022 18:08
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Karia posted:That's why I like this route, despite this rather awkwardly-out-of-nowhere confession and sex scene (plus a few other janky bits). This is really the one route where Hisao's heart is actually plot-relevant. This is a really great idea: out of all the disabilities presented in this game, blindness is probably the one that is culturally viewed as most terrifying. It's also a very obvious disability, while Hisao "passes" as abled most of the time. Turning that on its head and pointing out "Yeah, Lilly can't see, but she's not at risk of dying if she forgets her meds or gets hit in the chest or gets too stressed out about a test result" confronts the reader with their own biases. It really emphasizes that Hisao too has both limitations and coping strategies that he's going to have to learn. At least that's how it comes across to me It really works that the person with one of the most... how to put it... life-impacting? disabilities, given how important vision is in so much of society because we just take it for granted, is also the most centered and steady person. At least outwardly. (I don't know too much of how her route develops.) She doesn't hate herself, she doesn't have a really difficult time relating to others. We learn about her and her strategies for dealing with her disability, but turns it around to learn about coping with a hidden disability that impacts one's life on a similarly all-encompassing scale if in rather different ways.
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Feb 3, 2022 20:49
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Update 117: Rhapsody in Blue (Act 3, Scenes 8-9) Sex scene this update. Katawa Shoujo OST ~ Passing of Time .png) (Silence, Rain Sounds) .png) After being woken by a sound, I open my eyes with a measure of reluctance. Turning my head to the left, I find the rain outside sweeps against the windows loudly. Spray after wind-blown spray lashes against the glass, as if trying its hardest to make up for the summer's previous heat. I sit up in the futon, holding the back of my neck to try and subdue the pain from my awkward sleeping position. By all accounts I should be lamenting the turn in the weather, given that this is our last day here. The events of yesterday refuse to stop flooding my mind, though. The feeling of holding Lilly's crying body in my arms. The rush of lust and hormones that flowed through us as we spent the night together. It seems almost futile to try and rationalize everything that happened. In an attempt to distract myself, I groan and lean over to retrieve my bag without standing. Pulling out one bottle after another, I take the daily regimen's worth of pills from their containers and swallow them without further ado. It took a surprisingly short amount of time to get used to swallowing pills without water. That said, I suppose the same thing goes for getting used to living in a school for disabled students. Remembering Yamaku, I become all the more grateful for having the chance to get away, even if it's just for the shortest of times. I appreciate the chance to spend time alone with Lilly and Hanako, away from the bustle of school life, even considering the latest complications. I never thought I'd say it, but the idea of living away from the city in a nice, tranquil area is an inviting one. It's a thought that, barely a year ago, would have seemed simply ludicrous. A flash of pink, no doubt Hanako's gown, peeks from around the corner. Realizing I must look a sight since I've only just woken up, I slap the remaining pills into my mouth and run a hand through my hair. .png) HANAKO: "Good morning, Hisao." (Rain Sounds Stop) HISAO: "Ah, go— ack!" I reply to her completely forgetting that I'm in the middle of swallowing a particularly large pill. Coughing and spluttering, I violently gag on it. HANAKO: "Ah, Hisao!" After sputtering loudly and tapping my chest a couple of times to force it down, I manage to recover. HISAO: "I'm fine. Sorry, forgot I was swallowing." HANAKO: "Sorry, I didn't mean to—" Katawa Shoujo OST - Fripperies (Rain Sounds) I hold my hand up, gesturing for Hanako to stop. HISAO: "I gagged. It's my fault. 'Morning, Hanako." She pauses a moment before bowing in reply. .png) Walking, no, staggering in behind Hanako is the familiar figure of Lilly, also dressed in her pajamas. With her eyes full of sleep and hair bedraggled, she's a sight to behold. HISAO: "Hi, Lilly." LILLY: "Good morning... Hisao." For a while, a silence hangs in the air as neither of us knows what to do. Given what happened last night, we both have more than enough reason to be finding the situation awkward; just how are we meant to react to meeting each other after something like... that? The best course of action would probably be to talk to Lilly alone, to set things in order. HISAO: "Um, I'll... start making breakfast." Lilly evidently catches on to my train of thought. LILLY: "I'll help. Hanako, could you set the table?" She nods, her head disappearing into a cupboard as she quickly goes about her assigned task. .png) I rub a little more sleep out of my eyes as I wander over to the fridge and take out some milk, and Lilly grabs various brightly colored boxes from some of the lower cupboards to my side. While we make the rather bland-looking meal, I whisper somewhat more quietly than usual. Knowing Lilly's hearing, she won't have any trouble catching what I say. HISAO: "Are you okay, Lilly? After last night..." She gives a delicate nod, her expression weak. Though her tiredness surely plays a part, she seems genuinely unsure about what's happened between us, and how to move ahead. I can't say I blame her, considering my feelings are the same. LILLY: "I'm sorry, Hisao. I wasn't thinking straight yesterday. I never stopped to consider you or Hanako, and I even went as far as..." She's winding herself up. With her hands and voice both tightening, I give her a gentle bump to try and lighten up the situation. HISAO: "You don't have to apologize. I said I liked you as well, after all." LILLY: "But I..." As her composure begins to falter, it becomes obvious there's no alternative. Turning to Lilly, I gently embrace her tall frame. She offers no resistance at all, thankfully pulling back, just, from the edge of her emotions. .png) Despite our reassuring embrace lasting only a matter of seconds, I notice Hanako wordlessly watching. The plate in her hand hovers inches above the table, her action halted midway by the sight. (Silence, Rain Sounds) The clatter of utensils against plates is the only sound to be heard as we silently eat. Whereas before only two of us may have been unsure of ourselves, the entire situation has changed. After weeks of blissful friendship, whiling away the days with shared meals and chatter with little meaning, the relationship of Lilly and I, no, that of all of us, has irreversibly changed. I can't take this. HISAO: "Lilly..." She solemnly nods, gently laying her spoon onto the plate in front of her. Neither of us knows exactly how we regard each other, let alone how Hanako would view us. LILLY: "This might seem abrupt but... I've confessed to Hisao." For a moment, Hanako looks almost confused; precisely the reaction I'd thought she would have. She eventually nods, her spoon still in her mouth as she does. HANAKO: "Did you accept?" HISAO: "I did." .png) She gives a smile so large, and so earnest, I find myself blushing. I think it's the brightest I've ever seen her expression look. HANAKO: "Then I'm happy. I'm really, really happy." Katawa Shoujo OST - Lullaby of Open Eyes (Rain Sounds Continue) LILLY: "I'm sorry for not telling you anything about it before. Things have been..." Hanako shakes her head from side to side emphatically, apparently forgetting in her rush that Lilly couldn't possibly notice. She begins fiddling with her fingers, looking a little more nervous than she did before. HANAKO: "To be honest, I began to think you might like each other a while ago. At first I didn't really know what to think about it... but I... I decided in the end that... if my friends are happy, then I'm happy. I was really glad to have another friend when we met Hisao, so you finding love through him is even better... right?" A feeling of relief at her acceptance of our relationship falls over me like a wave. The same happens to Lilly, judging by her expression. LILLY: "Thank you, Hanako. I really appreciate you being so understanding." Lilly's voice still sounds slightly apologetic, or at least unsure. This doesn't escape Hanako, who appears lost in thought for a few moments before turning to me. HANAKO: "Hisao, do you mind if me and Lilly go outside for a bit?" HISAO: "Ah, no, feel free..." LILLY: "Hanako?" Hanako gets up from her seat, taking Lilly's hand and almost dragging her from the table in her excitement. Considering Lilly's typically slow and steady pace, Hanako's haste makes her footing awkward and she almost loses her balance a couple of times. It's a pretty amusing sight, leaving me wordless as I watch them disappear out the door. (Silence) It's only now that I realize the rain's stopped, being replaced by a sky seemingly all the more vivid and bright to make up for the morning's drab gray expanse. For Hanako, this must be a pretty big revelation. Lilly and I are really the only people she associates with, almost as if we were parents in her own's stead. I suppose that might well be the best way to describe the relationship we share. A father, mother and daughter, all playing around in our little make-believe family as if it could last forever. It might be a strange dynamic, and one that certainly can't last for long... but maybe, just for this one small moment, it's okay. As I stand from the table and go to join Lilly and Hanako in the fields outside, I nod to myself in affirmation. This one small moment of happiness, no matter how brief, will last with me, with all of us, forever. Katawa Shoujo OST - Raindrops and Puddles .png) It’s impossible to screenshot properly, but there’s a steam effect that periodically blurs parts of the background. Submerged deep in the hot water, I let a drawn-out sigh escape my lips. The feeling of seemingly every muscle in my body relaxing is euphoric. I have no idea how long it's been since I had a genuine hot bath, but right now I can hardly be bothered trying to remember. Maybe I'm giving the simple fact that for once I get to have a real bath more credit than it's due; the chance to just calm down, allow myself to unwind and have some time to myself is a welcome one. Hanako, Lilly and I wandered about outside, exploring the extent of the surprisingly large tract of land surrounding the house. Then we spent the majority of the afternoon resting, watching television, reading, and playing cards. It may not have been the most exciting finale to the trip, but such tranquil peacefulness is something to savor. Even after we return to the school tomorrow, I think I'll remember this little house in Hokkaido for a long time. It's a pity we only have a couple more hours to spend here before going to get the train back. All I can do is yawn contentedly while I watch the steam slowly rising from the clear water's placid surface, my eyes eventually locking onto the ceiling. Our exams are imminent. I've barely studied at all for them. On top of that, I don't even know what I'll do after graduation. Passing exams is all well and good, but to what end? Also now, of all times, I'm getting into a relationship. HISAO: "What the hell am I doing?" … ...I guess I shouldn't think like that. What's done is done, and maybe this could be viewed as just another aspect of my new life that I'm working on. I enjoy being with Lilly, and there's more to life than school and a career after all. As I busily attempt to rationalize all that's happened, I hear a series of raps on the door. I pick myself up and sit upright, trying to figure out the source. Three, no more and no less. Light yet assertive in their tapping, and timed regularly enough to tune a metronome. I'd be extremely surprised if it wasn't Lilly. LILLY: "May I... come in?" Yeah, it's Lilly. HISAO: "I'm still in the bath, I'll be out in a sec." LILLY: "...I know." (Silence) The voice coming from the other side of the door freezes me. After a second's thought, I rest on the side of the bath and let my arms dangle over the side. Despite trying my best to play it off, I can't help letting my mind wander. HISAO: "S-sure, come in." .png) With that she opens the door, slowly walking into the room and closing it behind her. She looks oddly calm, countering my racing heart. HISAO: "Ah... h-hey... Lilly." LILLY: "Do you mind if I take a bath with you?" HISAO: "I don't mind. Go ahead." Katawa Shoujo OST - To Become One With a small nod she begins to lift her sweater off her shoulders, baring her chest little by little. HISAO: "I could do that for you, if you'd like." LILLY: "Refused." HISAO: "Why?" LILLY: "..." Her face shows she's still not overly comfortable with letting me attend to her. I can't say I blame her. .png) She strips, somewhat awkwardly; the narration makes it clear this is no striptease, she’s just trying to get ready. After a bit of banter (she makes a sight joke, he flusters her by calling her beautiful), she gets in with him. They cuddle in the warmth. LILLY: "You run your baths quite hot, don't you?" HISAO: "A bit. Do you want me to run some cold water to cool it down a bit?" She gives a small shake of her head. LILLY: "No, this is fine." HISAO: "Okay." The conversation comes to an abrupt end, silence taking over. A very long, and very awkward, silence. LILLY: "Maybe this was a bit too..." HISAO: "Don't worry, it's okay." The situation only becomes even more awkward. As if to distract herself, Lilly runs her free hand over her legs while holding one over her breasts for modesty. I sit idly watching the wall ahead of me and the rising steam, every now and again stealing a glimpse at her body. The white of her skin glistens as she keeps sliding her hand over her legs, their length and tone all the more obvious." HISAO: "You know, compared to Akira, you look a lot more foreign." LILLY: "I took after my mother's side, genetically. Akira took after my father's more." HISAO: "I guess that makes sense. How on Earth did a native Scot and a Japanese businessman meet, anyway?" LILLY: "My mother was a journalist. She met my father while he was at a conference in Inverness." HISAO: "Ah, I see. Taking after your Scottish side would also explain your height, I suppose." I look back down at her as she nods, and sigh at the ridiculousness of the situation. HISAO: "This really is too much, isn't it?" LILLY: "You're enjoying it though, aren't you?" HISAO: "In some ways, yes. I guess things turned out okay, in the end. Everything's settled down, Hanako took our relationship well, and we'll be going back to school tomorrow." LILLY: "Indeed. It's a shame to be going back so soon, but we'll still have our memories of this place." HISAO: "Memories, huh? I suppose so. We'll have to see how everything goes once we get back, but for now... I'm just glad you like me. I've been winding myself up for weeks about that, so I'm thankful for things turning out like this." She nods, leaning into me as we share the warmth of our bodies. I'm not sure whether she'll be okay with it or not, but my temptation rapidly begins to get the better of my self-restraint. HISAO: "Hey, Lilly?" LILLY: "Yes?" HISAO: "How was it? Last night, that is." She pauses in thought before looking down slightly. A delicate smile finds its way onto her lips as she blushes, her body becoming more relaxed. It's more than enough to answer the question. Even as I give a small nod in response, thoughts of last night run through my mind. Considering the situation, I don't really think anyone'd blame me. And so things proceed apace. The two have a second encounter, this one considerably more… Sophisticated? Let’s go with that. HISAO: "That was... good..." She takes a gulp of air before replying, steadying herself as she nods. LILLY: "Mm..." She bows her head down to give me a small kiss, my hand reaching up to hold strands of her disheveled hair as we once again sit in blissful silence. Katawa Shoujo OST ~ Passing of Time .png) Most of the time, these time skip animations are identical: they start with a black background, and the background of the game’s logo (a beige heart with a pair of crossed Band-Aids in the corner) fades in with a clockwise wipe. Then the text of the logo (the game’s name in both English and Japanese) wipes in clockwise, and the whole logo wipes out clockwise too. This time, we start on a white background, and the black background only fades in with the text wipe. This is the only time this happens. (Silence, Train Sounds) .png) After a chaotic dash to the station and finding our seats in the otherwise deserted carriage, we promptly crashed. Looking at the time - close to midnight - it's little surprise that few take this particular train. Hanako is fast asleep on Lilly's shoulder and I can only barely muster the energy to stay awake. The excitement we had a while ago probably didn't help. I'd probably be pretty depressed about going back to school if my brain was actually working. As it is, though, the sight of the night-time scenery scrolling by is surprisingly beautiful. My loud yawn is nearly wholly drowned out by the clacking of the train tracks and the old carriage's rattling. HISAO: "So tired..." Katawa Shoujo OST - Comfort .png) LILLY: "And whose fault is that, Hisao?" She really does toe the line between insulting and amusing sometimes, though I manage to wring out a weary smile. I look back out the window, my reflection just visible on the clear pane. Truth be told, she's perfectly correct. If it weren't for that little interlude a few hours ago, both of us would have a lot more energy. On top of that, we both had to take another bath, very nearly making us late for the train's departure. HISAO: "Yeah, yeah, it was mine. Still, getting into a bath with a guy is a dangerous thing to do." LILLY: "Evidently." HISAO: "Sorry. I guess I kind of took advantage of the situation back there." .png) LILLY: "Well... I didn't exactly hate it..." As she trails off, I look back to her. My eyes narrow as I see her slightly reddened cheeks and small grin, her mind obviously elsewhere. HISAO: "Say it." LILLY: "I... knew the possibility of it happening... was there." HISAO: "I knew it. You're just as dirty-minded as I am." She quickly coughs into her free hand, making her disapproval crystal clear. .png) LILLY: "That's a rather crude way of putting it." HISAO: "Oh? And you would suggest?" LILLY: "I merely have a healthy adolescent sex drive." HISAO: "So in other words, dirty-minded." Almost seeming to sense the moment, Hanako mumbles quietly as she furrows her brow in Lilly's lap. Lilly's look of disapproval melts away as she gently smiles and strokes her hand on Hanako's long, dark hair. All I can do is watch. Watch and smile. If someone were to ask me when I fell in love with her, I wouldn't be able to answer. The best I'd be able to come up with is “it just happened at some point, but I didn't realize it.” If someone were to ask me why I love her, though, then I could answer much more easily. HISAO: "You really love Hanako, don't you?" She gives a deep nod, smiling warmly. .png) LILLY: "It's a pity we have to return to school. She seemed to relax so much while we were all away." >Talk about Hanako. >Talk about school. We just took another step closer. Several steps at the same time, in fact; I know a lot of routes have their sex scene start earlier, but I bet new readers weren’t expecting Lilly to jump Hisao’s bones not once, but twice in the space of the weekend. “Healthy adolescent sex drive” became a meme shortly after release for a reason. But we didn’t just get closer to Lilly. Remember how Hanako, miss “I’m so emotionally closed off and isolated I talk to like two people ever”, expressed such genuine happiness when she learned her two friends were dating she made Hisao flush? This relationship is a package deal. We aren’t just Lilly’s boyfriend, we’re Hanako’s friend, too, and while that relationship may not be romantic it’s certainly more than just a casual friendship. At this point, she’s nearly family. So why not treat her as such? =>Talk about Hanako. HISAO: "I wouldn't worry. Hanako's been gaining confidence thanks to you, at least for as long as I've known you two." She gives a self-deprecating sigh. LILLY: "I think I merely provided her with company and support. Since she came to know you she's opened up much more, even to me." I get the feeling she's understating her influence on Hanako, especially given that before the two came to know each other, Hanako had no friends to speak of. The friends I'd had in my previous school fulfilled what I'd have expected of them, for the most part simply being there for idle chatter, but in Hanako and Lilly there really feels to be more to their relationship. A part of me envies it, but another can't ignore the fact that the school year will eventually end. After graduation, I really have no idea what Hanako will do. This trip has shown me just how much we've all come to depend on one another. Indeed, we're all going to have to make decisions. Maybe that's the reason why, despite our return to school also heralding a return to the normalcy of everyday life, I can't help feeling a little restless. HISAO: "On the bright side, it won't take long for the summer holidays to arrive after our exams are finished. We could come back here during the summer holidays if you want." For a moment she thinks on the notion, her face becoming somewhat distant. I can only guess she's reflecting on all that's happened here. LILLY: "That would be... good, I think." I nod approvingly, smiling at her. Summer, together with Lilly. This idea seems like the perfect way to spend our holiday. END OF ACT 3
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Feb 4, 2022 15:13
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Falconier111 posted:
The wording here is fairly clever. Someone playing Lilly's route first might take it to mean that Hanako felt a little nervous about letting a new person get close, or Lilly possibly spending less time with her if she's in a relationship, but it's clear for anyone that's played Hanako's route that her conflicted feelings came from the fact that she had a crush on Hisao back during Act 1 (assuming you're on track for Lilly and Hanako's routes), so she's had to make peace with just being friends with Hisao on this route.
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Feb 4, 2022 16:11
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EclecticTastes posted:The wording here is fairly clever. Someone playing Lilly's route first might take it to mean that Hanako felt a little nervous about letting a new person get close, or Lilly possibly spending less time with her if she's in a relationship, but it's clear for anyone that's played Hanako's route that her conflicted feelings came from the fact that she had a crush on Hisao back during Act 1 (assuming you're on track for Lilly and Hanako's routes), so she's had to make peace with just being friends with Hisao on this route. It's most certainly something I missed on my first playthroughs as I did Lilly's route before Hanako's, but I'm also not the best at cluing into context. I think subtle hints like these are what I like about Lilly's route the best.
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Feb 4, 2022 16:54
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Disability Corner: Medical Ableism This is a dark one. If you have issues with medical trauma, you may want to skip to the next post. While reading the news one day, because I need to keep my head above this garbage fire to see how much more burning garbage we have to wade through, I stumbled across an article about healthcare workers with long Covid. These are medical professionals, doctors and nurses of all stripes, who report in to their literal coworkers with headaches, chest pains, and bursts of extreme fatigue. They expect their colleagues to treat them competently and respectfully, just like they think they would – experienced healthcare professionals’ confidence in their objectivity is so strong people do studies on it. Instead, they hit a brick wall. People they trusted to recognize an actual medical condition tell them to walk it off or stop taking birth control or get therapy. It’s like a magic spell: the moment they make the transition from physician to patient, other doctors and nurses start treating them like their medical training started and ended in middle school health class and confidently assign the most counterproductive treatments possible over their objections. They react to this with a sort of betrayed horror: Even Health-Care Workers With Long COVID Are Being Dismissed posted:[T]he skepticism of their peers—even now, despite wider acknowledgment of long COVID—has “been absolutely shattering,” says Clare Rayner, an occupational physician who is part of a Facebook group of about 1,400 British long-haulers who work in health care. “That people in their own profession would treat them like this has led to a massive breakdown in trust.” Having dedicated their working lives to medicine, they’ve had to face down the ways its power can be wielded, and grapple with the gaps in their own training. “I used to see medicine as innovative and cutting-edge, but now it seems like it has barely scratched the surface,” Misko told me. “My view of medicine has been completely shattered. And I will never be able to unsee it.” I was laughing by the end of the article, though my laughter was very, very bitter. To these people, discovering how doctors actually treat patients was such a shock some left medicine entirely. To disabled people, mistreatment is such a given that their existential despair comes across as almost hilarious. Like, obviously #not all doctors, there are plenty of medical professionals that either know what they’re doing and treat their patients with compassion and dignity. I’m talking about a whole job family, not a bunch of clones. Unfortunately, that family doesn’t teach its kids how to listen. Literally: doctors don’t let their patients speak very long, frequently cutting them off midsentence. But introduce any opportunity for bias and things get much, much worse. We’ve heard a few accounts of women getting mistreated by doctors in this thread, and those stories are just the tip of the iceberg. The medical community famously dismisses women’s pain, refusing them painkillers when men would get them, keeping them waiting for emergency treatment longer than men with identical symptoms, and dismissing physiological symptoms as psychological so consistently it gets people killed. The statistics and that last link, though. “Depression may be misdiagnosed in 30-50% of female patients… The adverse consequences of incorrect diagnoses range from unnecessary expenditures of a woman's resources to potentially life-threatening medical conditions. Ironically, medical misdiagnoses of physical conditions may induce depressive reactions in female patients.” Black people, too, tend to get hit by this a lot. Something like one in four doctors still think black skin is inherently thicker than white skin, which fucks up everything from diagnoses to injections. They’re also less likely to get prescribed pain meds to the tune of 20%, and that number isn’t budging. That’s because medical professionals consistently underestimate how much pain black people are feeling compared to white people with consistently disastrous results. Combine the two and the results range from infuriating (black women get specialist referrals less than half as often as white men) to horrifying (black women are three times as likely to die in childbirth). This is all established fact, by the way; every link in the last two paragraphs leads to a published, peer-reviewed study. But that doesn’t seem to stop much. So it shouldn’t shock you that disabled people, perpetual patients that we are, get hit by the same discrimination with disastrous results. I can’t speak for other countries; maybe things are better elsewhere. But in America, something like 4 in 5 doctors believe disabled people have a fundamentally lower quality of life than abled people. Well, isn’t that just realistic – not that disabled people are destined to suffer, per se, but that they face greater hurdles to living comfortably? No, because that’s not what this part of the survey was testing for. To a layman, that question is largely theoretical; yeah, we all have the power to fight ableism, but for most of us that power will never go beyond speaking up for someone or intervening in a critical situation. Doctors need to be held to higher standards, though, because they can hold the power of life or death over their patients on a day-to-day basis, especially when we’re talking about medication or therapies. We’ve seen a couple people in this thread who get along just fine while being disabled. Plenty of abled people live lives of almost unimaginable suffering. That quality-of-life gap seems logical in abstract but it’s such a huge generalization you can’t count on it in any individual case – and that’s what doctors deal in every day. The idea that disabled people’s lives are inherently less comfortable than abled people’s lives implies that compromise is the best they can hope for, that they can never reach the same level as abled people and trying to get them there is wasted effort, that you should prioritize abled people in healthcare because their lives are just not as lovely, and with limited supplies, why waste them on someone who’s just going to suffer more? That question was a trap specifically to catch doctors who carried that bias, and it did, in spades. You can see the consequences in the numbers of that same study. Remember how confident medical professionals are in their opinions? Same study tells us a bit under 60% of doctors aren’t that confident about treating disabled patients and only about half had no reservations about taking them on in the first place. They weren’t lying; when tested, a solid fifth of doctor’s offices refused to set up appointments for wheelchair users point-blank (including almost half of the gynecology offices they called up, surprise surprise). This is illegal under the ADA, by the way, but plenty of doctors don’t understand their legal obligations around disability anyway, so that won’t stop them. They don’t know Jack. So the results? Double the suicide rates of abled people, the higher STD rates I talked about in the sexuality disability corner, open dismissal of pain while staring at symptoms that cause it, a whole cottage industry of books to help you convince doctors there’s something going on, and best of all, a decade less to live on average. Around 18% of doctors agree the healthcare system is very unfair to disabled people. But that’s just numbers. No one cares about numbers. I could tell you stories about people. The woman who went to a hospital in Pendleton, Oregon, was forced to sign a DNR order for herself, and was left to die until her caretakers threatened legal action. The woman who starved to death in a British hospital while recovering from a routine operation. Story after story after story. I could discuss ableism in research, like I did in the last disability corner. I could talk about commercial interests incentivize doctors to dispense treatments that cause more harm than good because they’re getting paid to. I could even talk about how insurance companies and hospital policies keep doctors from helping when they know how to do so, as this viral open letter brings up. There are so many facets to medical ableism I couldn’t hope to cover them all. But like all -isms, ableism is learned – and the dominant model of medical education is tailor-made to teach it. Training and education for medical professionals fetishizes the grind it to an insane degree, creating an environment where overwork is expected and anyone who can’t match it gets shoved to the wayside. This happens a lot to disabled medical professionals in training, which keeps them out of an industry they have such a close tie to: doctors are something like an order of magnitude less likely to be disabled than the general population. In med school, any kind of health issue gets you insulted, berated, and treated as subhuman, especially if actually you get any of the support you need. Medical professionals get their education and enter residency feeling this as they’re gradually initiated into this cult of health where your ability to accept extreme conditions reflects your actual medical skill. It teaches them that they need to be superhuman, and that being superhuman is what makes them medical professionals. So is it any wonder that they dismiss people less healthy than them? If your identity as a professional is built on a sense of superiority, of course you don’t take your inferiors seriously. Enter long Covid. I remember thinking, back when I first read up about symptoms and sufferers, that this could be a golden opportunity for disability activism: we now have a potentially massive swath of the population who came through this disaster disabled, many of whom probably never thought it could happen to them. If we could reach out to them, bring them into the broader disabled community and jointly press our claims, we might be able to make some real changes. Turns out, by the time I thought that they’d already made contact. See, long Covid is startlingly similar to myalgic encephalomyelitis (a.k.a. chronic fatigue syndrome), which Dareon discussed his experiences with earlier in this thread. ME/CFS is just the kind of condition doctors like to ignore: it’s mysterious, extremely difficult to treat, has no clear cause, either doesn’t respond or responds negatively to just about every generic piece of advice medical professionals have to offer (especially exercising to build up stamina), and causes symptoms that, while severe, are ambiguous enough they can be assigned to another condition or just blamed on the patient if the diagnostician wants. So it gets ignored. Other conditions with fewer sufferers, milder symptoms, and better treatments available make headlines while ME/CFS has its research funds disappeared into other projects and magazines call it yuppie flu. Its biggest and most authoritative study to date was a horrifying farce. A couple of British physicians convinced thousands of their peers it was literally hysteria. Yeah, that hysteria, right down to it happening mostly in women, they just changed the name. Big chunks of the medical community still refuse to believe it exists. They sure do think it and long Covid are related, though. Hell, if the scattered evidence that ME/CFS is the aftermath of viral infections pans out, long Covid may just be ME/CFS. And activists aren’t the only ones to notice for once, judging by the plethora of articles out there on the connection ranging from medical journal reviews to op-eds in major newspapers. The scientific community has reacted with uncharacteristic speed and openness for a disability issue, meaning they flailed around for a while before setting aside resources to do all their research from scratch, ignoring the community instead of dismissing their experiences outright. These people barely even listen to long-haulers themselves, let alone work in research from other areas, and as such all that experience gets ignored while medical professionals prioritize their own decision-making and research skills over the experiences and knowledge of the people they’re trying to help – hurting a lot of people in the process. The ableism creeps back in with predictably destructive results. And it’s a shame, because medicine does not have to be ableist. Medicine, at its heart, is about improving the functioning of the human body. Modern medical philosophy has a very specific idea of what an ideal human body looks like, so its practitioners judge their patients by how close they are to it. That body is white, male, abled, cis, and more, so if you lack any of those traits, they start making faulty assumptions based on things that aren’t there and/or they judge any differences as deficiencies. Some doctors, even now, take a different tack. There are therapists, physiotherapists, nutritionists, surgeons, nurses, and experts from all over the medical world that either suppress those assumptions or have learned not to make them at all, some of whom are actively organizing. Right now, finding them is an enormous trial and often impossible. It doesn’t have to be like this, it can change, we can make an impact. I’m just not sure where to start. Falconier111 fucked around with this message at 03:26 on Feb 5, 2022 |
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Feb 5, 2022 03:21
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I remember watching a doctor show when I was younger, and one of the quotes that stuck with me was 'Horses, not zebras'. The idea behind it is that the majority of the time if a patient comes in with a certain list of symptoms that relates to two different illnesses or conditions, odds are that it will be the most common one. It made sense, but something about it always bothered me. It wasn't until years later when I was randomly scrolling the internet that I asked myself the question, 'what kind of horse?' The thing about any sort of sickness or medical condition is that sometimes it feels like you're reading off a checklist. If you don't have all these symptoms, then it's not this thing, it's another. But the human body isn't like a computer that will react the same way every single time. There are going to be plenty of differences even within the same person! Take getting the Covid vaccine as an example; the first shot left me with a lot of arm pain for around 3-4 days. The second one gave me all the symptoms of a really bad cold or a case of the flu for about 24 hours, but minimal arm pain. Booster shot once again gave me arm pain, but also back pain and that lasted around 24-36 hours. Same shot all three times, same brand of shot all three times, yet three distinct reactions from me. It counts for medical treatments as well. Two members of my family are on the same medication for the same condition, yet one of them experienced weight gain while the other didn't. During a private conversation about this with the family member who didn't gain weight, they expressed disbelief that it was the medication causing it because they didn't gain weight. I had to point out that different people react differently to medication and our other family member might just have different side effects, which seemed like an epiphany to them. It really pissed me off at the time, and still does now. But not as badly as the post above does because neither of those family members are involved in the medical field. Even the TV show didn't anger me that much because I don't expect realism in television. But unconscious bias is definitely a thing, and any sort of unconscious bias in a medical field can be deadly. Going forward, one of the requirements for pre-med students or medical students in general should be learning how to recognize and overcome these kinds of biases and beliefs. Because right now, we're operating in the medical field like we're tightrope walkers, sticking to one straight line when the right option should be learning how to branch out on the spider web.
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Feb 5, 2022 15:07
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SimplyUnknown1 posted:
Funnily enough, that was actually what was happening in the show (Scrubs, which was a comedy rather than a strict medical show.) The patient was presenting with uncommon symptoms to a common disease, and the younger doctor was scouring medical textbooks for the one checklist of symptoms that matched it, to the mockery of the character making the quip.
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Feb 5, 2022 15:47
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Hidingo Kojimba posted:Funnily enough, that was actually what was happening in the show (Scrubs, which was a comedy rather than a strict medical show.) The patient was presenting with uncommon symptoms to a common disease, and the younger doctor was scouring medical textbooks for the one checklist of symptoms that matched it, to the mockery of the character making the quip. You're probably not wrong, I never watched enough of Scrubs, but "Horses, not zebras" was at least also used in one of the early episodes of House (Possibly even the pilot, just to kind of nail down that House is the guy you go to for zebras).
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Feb 5, 2022 17:37
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My family moved around a lot when I was a child, which always meant finding a new family doctor. As I understand it, I used to have ear infections constantly, and the symptoms were always rather off the wall as far as ear infections go. My mom used to use that to vet potential doctors - if they correctly identified one of my ear infections, they clearly knew their stuff. If not, it was time to look for a different doctor. And bias can affect anyone, regardless of demographics, although the farther you are from the medical template, the more you'll run into it. When I was in second grade, I was sent back to class with a minor case of appendicitis because the school nurse apparently thought I was just trying to get out of taking a test. (I don't think that's the sort of thing I was likely to do, and I'm a bit surprised nobody at the school gave me the benefit of the doubt.) It was a very painful walk home. And I met all of the "default person" descriptors at the time. I suppose, to be completely fair, the pain was on the opposite side of my body from where my appendix was - that's another one of those things that seems to run in my family.
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Feb 5, 2022 18:14
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Back in the Before Times, I sang in a chorus that included an older gentleman (I use the term loosely) who was both a probably-should-have-already-retired-but-hadn't-yet family physician, and an anti-vaxer. "Back when I was growing up, we didn't have all these vaccines, and you know what else we didn't have? All this autism!" YOU ARE A loving PHYSICIAN SIR! The presence of him and other old fogeys with similar terrible politics is one of the main reasons I don't really plan to return to that chorus.
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Feb 5, 2022 23:15
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"Patients aren’t people. They’re problems to be solved, and are expected to be compliant – let us poke you with needles, fill you with medicines, summon you to doctors’ offices at our convenience. You’re not human on some vital level until you’re well again." -Ferrett Steinmetz I read somewhere that doctors always feel a pressure to Do Something; whether because the patient demands it or because that's what they do: take action. The immediate consequence is that unnecessary medication gets prescribed and unnecessary tests done. On the other end of care, though, patients whose ailments resist everything that can apparently be done are just sources of frustration. Either accept failure or find a reason to blame the patient. And former 4.0 students don't accept failure well... I never realized this, but the fact that my experiences with healthcare the last 10 years have been generally positive is very likely due to getting them via the VA. For all its faults, the ground-level personnel take the idea of service seriously. Not that you can't get screwed in other ways. I've only had one "non-governmental" doctor in my adult life, and that didn't go well (but it's a long story). Thoughts on Lilly route still formulating...
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Feb 6, 2022 10:19
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It’s that time again, folks! We have another round of  posts to work into the OP, and I’d like to lay out exactly what happens next. We’re less than a month out before the end of the LP, so I wanted to get my ducks in order now. I decided to delete the backup; we’re close enough to the end that I’m (reasonably) confident we won’t lose the thread or anything and maintaining it was an infuriating trial. I no long need or want your permission to repost things elsewhere. Except. Once we’re done here, this LP will go up on the SA LP Archive.  That includes any posts I included in the OP, which is standard practice for the archive. You can ask me to remove links from the OP before then, but after it goes up you’d have to contact Baldurk. I’m not planning on formally uploading this thing until at least a week after it formally ends, so you have some time. I also recommend that, if you have something in the OP, you go back and look it over to make sure the description meshes with what you said and you still want it included. Please PM me or leave a note in the thread if you want something altered.That said, back to work. citybeatnik, Mix., SimplyUnknown1, SpaceKablooey, Dirk the Average, Explopyro, Violet_Sky, Nidoking, Tulip, Karia, SerthVarnee, Dareon, ChrisBTY, Cobalt-60, Antistar01, EclecticTastes, YaketySass, someone awful., disposablewords, HomestarCanter, gegi, you’ve all made posts that warrant inclusion and have already given ongoing permission. This is just a courtesy call to let you know in case you have anything you want to change, exclude, or limit before it goes into the OP. Just let me know via PM or in the thread. Taberquol, Captain Oblivious, Poll, MiracleFlare, SSJ_naruto_2003, Thunk, Evil Kit, you also made posts that qualify for inclusion, but I haven’t received permission from you yet so you get the full spiel. I need your permission in the thread or through a PM to put your posts in the OP. I have a background in oral history, and I know drat well how sensitive information about a person’s disabilities is from a legal and moral standpoint. But I can’t really apply the full set of ethical standards to this thread without it getting ridiculous, so this is my compromise with myself. You can give me permission just to use those specific posts in the OP or give it for any of your posts going forward; in the latter case, say specifically that you grant me permission to use your posts in this thread going forward unless you specifically say otherwise . And I mean it - you can tell me at any time to take this stuff down and I will. You can contact me via PM or in the thread at any time with requests or further questions.
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Feb 6, 2022 20:27
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One second, I’m going to double check my posts. Edit: yeah, it’s cool! Also, I’ll clarify if I want a post left out.
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Feb 6, 2022 21:47
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I'm cool with what I've posted since the last go around being included - permission still stands.
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Feb 6, 2022 22:07
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Huh, I'm actually kinda surprised I managed to post something you think added to the LP. Even went to check the OP and ctrl+f to find where you thought it fell, only to realize I haven't given permission yet so you haven't. Guess I'll find out eventually! You have my explicit permission to use whatever I post, and I'll say otherwise if I'd rather it not be included.
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Feb 7, 2022 01:17
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Seeing my name included in the list of people, who you deem to have contributed valuable knowledge, is giving me all the warm and fuzzy feelings right now. Keep on keeping on, permission continues to be granted.
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Feb 7, 2022 07:20
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Funktor posted:Back in the Before Times, I sang in a chorus that included an older gentleman (I use the term loosely) who was both a probably-should-have-already-retired-but-hadn't-yet family physician, and an anti-vaxer. "Back when I was growing up, we didn't have all these vaccines, and you know what else we didn't have? All this autism!" It just occurred to me: did this guy grow up before the polio vaccine? If not, the vaccines really were around when he was a kid. If so, how long ago did he get his medical education?
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Feb 7, 2022 16:43
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118: Slow Steps ‘Fore a Waltz (Act 4, Scenes 1-2).png) Katawa Shoujo OST - School Days After the excitement of our trip to Hokkaido, it seems strange to be right back to the usual daily routine so soon. Indeed, it feels like a normal day, the same as any other. Well, that's what I'd like to think, anyway. To tell the truth, the atmosphere of the entire class, no, the entire school has changed. While an undercurrent of subdued trepidation had previously pervaded the class, now that the exams are in sight it's boiled over into frantic studying rarely seen otherwise. One day until exams start. It's horrific, really, that instead of studying we went and wasted our time up north. We were such model students, too. Glancing around the class, even the bubbly, ever-energetic Misha seems oddly deflated. She sits at her desk, nervously chewing a pen while Mutou lectures from the front of the class. Wait... on closer inspection, I do believe she's eating it. Tearing my eyes from the sorry spectacle, I turn my attention elsewhere. Hanako sits frantically scribbling in her notebook, her face mere inches away from the page, seemingly trying to record every word that leaves Mutou's mouth. Shizune's, well... Shizune. Cool as a cucumber, she sits diligently taking notes with her attention wholly focused on the front of the class. Truth be told, it's what I should be doing as well, if not for the fact that I feel like I have a pretty good handle on what's being covered already. I wonder how Lilly's doing. While she does have a good head on her, she has plenty on her plate, unlike me. Her class representative duties, taking care of Hanako, her other social contacts, her extra English studies... that girl really does take on a lot. The lunchtime bell brings a sigh of relief from the entire class, Mutou being no exception. I get the feeling he much prefers the more laid-back atmosphere of his normal classes to the frantic pace of exam preparation we're subjected to right now.  MISHA: "Hicchan~...” .png) MISHA: "Help me~..." I lower my eyelids to half-mast, making clear my intention of doing quite the opposite. MISHA: "Help me, help me, help me~..." HISAO: "Not going well?" MISHA: "Shicchan's going to be fine, but I think I might die. Am I going to die, Hicchan? Will you let me die from all this work?" How maudlin. Given that she's neither the brightest student in the class, nor the most diligent, it isn't a great surprise that she's finding it hard to cope with the workload. HISAO: "Sorry Misha, but I've got my own work to do. I thought you and Shizune would be studying together over the long weekend, anyway?" MISHA: "Studying's too boring to waste a holiday on, Hicchan! Shopping together was much more fun, wasn't it, Shicchan?" .png) It's only now that I realize Shizune's been looking over to us, and that Misha's arms have been moving likely all this time. I must be really zoned out to not have noticed. HISAO: "What is it with girls and shopping, anyway? Even Lilly and Hanako have dragged me out with them a couple of times." MISHA: "But you went anyway? It's so rare to see a guy that likes going shopping~..." HISAO: "Well, my role would probably be best described as “pack mule”. I can't say I share your enthusiasm about the experience. Back to the exams; you studied after you got back from the days off, didn't you, Shizune?"  SHIZUNE: "..." MISHA: "Of course, Hicchan. It's only sensible to study in the days before... U~rgh." Misha makes a sound vaguely similar to a dying cow as she realizes her folly and unceremoniously flops onto her desk, betrayed even by her best friend. Judging from Shizune's quite frustrated look at Misha, she probably told her to study as she did. HISAO: "Don't worry, you can still gain some marks if you start studying now. Maybe." Misha does not seem overly amused. It seems the bubbly balloon of everlasting cheerfulness has been cruelly popped. SHIZUNE: "..." Shizune's signing goes unnoticed by the moping Misha, earning her a quick poke in the shoulder. It takes barely a moment for Misha to get back into form. MISHA: "Oh, ah, so what did you do over the weekend, Hicchan?" HISAO: "Just took a trip up north with Lilly and Hanako. It was pretty nice." I see both of them narrowing their eyes at me, their minds surely in the gutter. The fact that their suspicions are founded makes the situation all the more awkward. HISAO: "We just studied and went sightseeing; there's nothing more to it." MISHA: "Hmm~..." After such a flagrant lie, I realize that it may not have been the best step, considering Shizune's connections and her total lack of restraint when it comes to questioning someone she suspects of telling untruths. I really have no idea of how she's going to take it, but she'll find out eventually anyway. It isn't as if it's really her business whom I date, in any case. HISAO: "And yes, Lilly and I are going out now." While Misha receives the news with an enthusiastic smile, Shizune gives a look of mild surprise somewhat masked by her cool demeanor. SHIZUNE: "..." MISHA: "Whoever you date is your business. I hope you two go well together." Misha gives a look that says this is the most quarter I could possibly receive on the matter. It's all I wanted, really. After she says this, though, Shizune begins to sign something else, then stops herself and shakes her head at Misha to prevent her from translating. Normally I'd think this strange enough, but the awkwardly casual wave Shizune gives before walking off with Misha in tow adds to my confusion. Shizune's hardly the kind of person to pull a punch or communicate without forethought. I shrug my shoulders at the duo's odd behavior and look towards Hanako's desk, but see that her chair's empty. She was definitely here before, so I guess she just didn't feel like waiting. I'll go grab some food alone, then. (Silence) Walking down the hallway to the unused room that's become a second home to three students in particular, I mournfully look down at the plastic-wrapped salad roll and juice box in my hand. The cafeteria's food really is unappetizing. Maybe I'll consider this my penance for my recent indiscretions. Opening the door, I notice one less quiet figure than I'd expected. Katawa Shoujo OST - Concord (Lilly’s Theme) .png) It's strange. Despite having known Lilly for months, I can't help thinking back to the very first time I opened this door and saw her silently sitting in the sunlight. Just as she did then, she slowly opens her eyes, unmoving as they are, and calmly addresses me. LILLY: "Good morning, Hisao." HISAO: "It's afternoon, I think. Has Hanako been around? She skittered out of class without me even noticing." Lilly cradles her cheek thoughtfully as I take a seat, my bag taking its place against the closest leg of the table and my unsatisfying meal neatly set out in front of me. LILLY: "She did appear... for a time. She said she had to study for the upcoming exams, and left for the library." We find ourselves not entirely believing her words. HISAO: "Well, at least her intentions are in the right place." LILLY: "She is sweet, but she needn't go this far to let us have our space. I might talk to her about it sometime." HISAO: "Probably for the best." For a while we quietly eat our meals, Lilly elegantly nibbling on her sandwiches and sipping her tea as I eat what tastes like a garden sandwiched in dry dough. The atmosphere feels slightly strained, neither of us knowing quite what to say to each other now that our small talk has dried up. Eventually we both finish our food, with no conversation forthcoming for quite some time. Eventually, though, Lilly's soft voice breaks the silence. LILLY: "A lot happened back there... didn't it?" HISAO: "Mm." Again, silence. With both our minds on the same topic, though, I think I have my feelings on that sorted out. HISAO: "I know everything happened in kind of a hurry, but... I don't regret anything that happened in Hokkaido. Not one thing." LILLY: "Hisao...?" Slightly tense, I take her hands in mine; half to feel her, half to settle my own nerves. HISAO: "I stand by my words back there, Lilly. I love you, and I won't leave you. I only wish for you to think the same." She silently reflects for a long time, which feels like an eternity. Her reverie comes to an end as she takes one hand from mine, placing it over them as she leans her body forwards and stands out of her chair. After a moment's hesitation, her face slightly pensive, her lips meet mine for a brief moment. My mind feels as if it briefly stopped at that moment, barely registering Lilly sitting back in her chair and smiling back at me with ever so slightly reddened cheeks. LILLY: "Hearing that makes me very happy, Hisao. I would be glad to stay with you." HISAO: "Maybe it would be good to slow things down a bit, compared to before. We still have school, after all, and our exams." She gives a mischievous giggle, which proves to be contagious. LILLY: "That might be a good idea indeed. Do you think you'll fare well in your exams? It's only one day until they arrive, as you say." HISAO: "I probably should have studied more, but I think I've got a good enough head to manage. That said, I had to bat off Misha and Shizune. Is your class as worried about the exams as mine?" She lets out an exasperated sigh, all but confirming it. I'm thankful for the atmosphere becoming a bit lighter. LILLY: "I think so. I've already been asked for help by two of my classmates, and there'll no doubt be more." HISAO: "Think of it as your first training in being a teacher, maybe?" LILLY: "That's probably a good way to think of it. On that note, how are you faring in your English studies? I remember it was far from your strongest subject, and the few sentences you memorized to speak to my mother aren't likely to help." drat, right on the mark. HISAO: "You got me. If you don't mind, would you be able to possibly help in that regard? Please?" LILLY: "It would be my pleasure to help you, Hisao. But in exchange..." She lowers her eyebrows at me, her coquettish nature tentatively coming to the fore. HISAO: "No problem at all. You'd probably be better off with some help in your studies, though." She beams a smile at me, one of girlish victory that nearly makes me blush. I get the feeling she's aware of how to use her face to twist my judgment, so I should probably be more on guard. Here and now though, a study group seems like an expedient way for both of us to shore up our more lacking skills. The school bell rings out, reminding us that time isn't going to stand still. HISAO: "Huh, lunchtime's over already. It sure is easy to lose track of the time here." LILLY: "This room's so far from the other clubs and activities, not much sound can reach us. That's probably most of the reason why." A place far from all the others, alone with just one person whom she loves. As Lilly stands and collects her bag and cane, my thoughts are cast back to the time we spent in Hokkaido. .png) LILLY: "Ah, before I go; Akira and I are having a homecoming party in my room tomorrow. Will you be able to come?" …and back again. HISAO: "My schedule is free, so I should be able to make enough room in my study time to make it." LILLY: "Good to hear, Hisao." HISAO: "For what it's worth, I'm glad you're back from Scotland. Once exams are over, we should have some more time to ourselves." LILLY: "Mm. Holidays start soon after, too." HISAO: "We can start the holidays with Tanabata then, just as we promised at the school festival." She brings her hand to her cheek and laughs slightly nervously, recalling the event as I silently thank myself for managing to remember. It seems odd to see her react in such a way, though it's not like I never saw her embarrassed before. LILLY: "I'd... better be going. Farewell, Hisao." HISAO: "Bye." (Silence) Whether it's out of habit or just a stubborn desire for one small fragment of normality, I hold my hand up in farewell just as I always do. At least I'm consciously aware that I'm doing it now. I think I'm beginning to see a bigger picture than I ever have before, not only with Lilly but also my life ahead. The chains of my past are finally breaking. Katawa Shoujo OST ~ Passing of Time .png) Katawa Shoujo OST - Ease Walking up the now slightly more familiar corridor of the girls' dormitories, I can hear the faint sound of laughter coming from up ahead. It doesn't take long to identify the source as Lilly's room, though the deep timbre of the female voice unmistakably belongs not to her, but to her sister. I rap my knuckles on the door with the usual three light taps, my hand barely retreating as the door swings open. .png)  AKIRA: "Hey, Hisao." HISAO: "Hey. Hello Lilly, Hanako." .png) Hanako looks up tentatively, her hands buried in her oversized pink nightgown. From her side, Lilly turns sideways towards the direction of my voice and smiles. It would be a flagrant lie to say I dislike the sight of her in those pajamas. I catch Akira giving me a sidelong look with a knowing grin, to which I reply with a sharp glare. She takes the hint, shrugs and walks back to the low table in the center of the room. As I go to join her, Lilly gives me a nod of greeting and starts pouring me a cup of tea. HISAO: "It's nice to see you again, Hanako. You've been getting around recently." Lilly wears a look of concentration as the light brown liquid, carefully measured by her finger as always, flows from the teapot into the cup. LILLY: "It seems Hanako has taken up helping one of the people in your class with the newspaper club. Naomi, I think?" Hanako gives an affirmative nod. Even after spending about two months in the class, I still have trouble remembering the names of those students I rarely talk with. It takes me a few mental contortions to connect the name with a face, but I eventually remember the girl that sits beside Hanako at the back of the class. Naomi Inoue. A fairly average-looking girl, except for her bleached blonde hair. Given her upbeat and straightforward personality, Naomi may have seen an opening to poach Hanako for her club when she enquired about joining one. Either way, it's nice to see Hanako broadening her horizons. When I first met her, the idea of her joining a club with anyone but Lilly would have seemed utterly laughable. HISAO: "That'd explain how busy you've been. Enjoying it?" .png) HANAKO: "Mm. It's... really interesting." As always, Hanako's far from being talkative. Some things never change, and it seems that Hanako's personality is one of them; she'll likely always be one to shy away from being overly social. .png) Warned by the sound of crockery against the table as Lilly gently places my drink in front on me, I thank her and take a long sip. Hanako and Lilly are attending to their own, and Akira is quaffing a mug of strong-smelling black coffee. AKIRA: "You're a lucky bastard, Hisao." HISAO: "Huh?" I can't help grimacing at her teasing smile, still visible around the edges of the mug pressed to her lips. AKIRA: "Seeing my sister in her pajamas, there's a lotta men out there who'd like to be where you are." I've seen a lot more than that of her, not that I'd admit it. LILLY: "Akira!" AKIRA: "Hey, I'm just teasing." She leans over to me as much as she can, whispering with a sly grin written on her face. AKIRA: "And Hanako, too. You perv." HISAO: "Hey, it was her idea." HANAKO: "Um, I... uh..." We both look over to her, her face turned to the ground and her hands fidgeting in the lap of her nightgown. HANAKO: "If... it's Hisao... I don't mind..." Ah, this could be bad. I know Hanako's altogether too innocent to bother reading too much into such a thing, but the expression Akira directs at me is positively stormy. LILLY: "Um... Akira... please..." It seems Lilly can sense Akira's sudden change in aura just as well as I, even without seeing it for herself. Akira slowly looks away from me, like an attack dog leashed by its owner in the nick of time. I breathe a sigh of relief. I can't think of a more appropriate time to try and change topics than around now. HISAO: "If you don't mind me asking, Akira, what do you do for a living? I've never seen you out of that suit." AKIRA: "Thinking about what to do with yourself after school's over, eh? I'm a lawyer. For the most part, I work in the legal department of the Japanese branch of our family's company. The most boring possible answer, I suppose. Law's a pretty dry topic to most people." HISAO: "Kinda." AKIRA: "Oi, you're not supposed to agree." Lilly gives an amused giggle while holding her teacup and saucer, Hanako quickly joining her. This friendly atmosphere between everyone is something I'd missed while Lilly and Akira were on their trip. While the dealings I had with Hanako didn't help, I think just not having Lilly around changed the mood. LILLY: "It's nice to be back. I missed you, Hisao, and you too, Hanako." HISAO: "Same goes for the both of us. I'm guessing your classmates were happy to see you back." LILLY: "In a manner of speaking, yes." Akira's amused snort shows she's well aware of Lilly's attitude towards such figures of speech. I imagine she'd have to be, given how long they've been together. HANAKO: "Did you have fun in Scotland?" Katawa Shoujo OST - Ease (Muffled) For a moment I wonder why she's asking, it having been quite a while since they came back, but then I remember everything that happened. We've simply not had time to look back, what with the exams and our Hokkaido trip. Lilly's face goes distant for a moment, and the fact that Akira's first reaction is to look over to her sister doesn't escape me. Nonetheless, she quickly collects herself. Katawa Shoujo OST - Ease LILLY: "It was... nice. I... we... hadn't met our family in such a long time, so it was a wonderful reunion." AKIRA: "Yeah, I guess that's right. Their house being beachside was the best part, though." From her dismissive tone, I get the feeling Akira doesn't like their family as much as Lilly does. LILLY: "You only liked that because you finally had time to play around." AKIRA: "Just 'cause I'm the better swimmer..." LILLY: "I don't take after the athletic side of the family, that's all." AKIRA: "Well, you can take heart in the fact that you got the height genes at least. And the bust genes..." LILLY: "That's not really the right kind of thing to say around others..." Though Lilly pretends to scold Akira, she does so with an unmistakable, slightly cheeky grin on her face. I doubt Akira really minds that, judging from her nonchalant expression. While I don't either, Hanako's looking down and blushing furiously beside me. The sisters' antics aside, their parents really do lead a bourgeois lifestyle. It seems utterly divorced from the life that Lilly and Akira have lived until now. I suppose practicality must have made the decision for them. To have come from such a wealthy and well-connected lineage only adds to the almost noble air Lilly seems to have, though. It's a small wonder none of it seems to have rubbed off onto Akira. They really are as little alike as siblings could be. Their only similarity seems to be their shared confidence, which can be both endearing and a headache at times. (Silence) .png) Most of the night continues much the same, with Hanako eventually leaving the Satou sisters and I to ourselves as she heads back to her dorm room for a rest. For a while, only the barely audible sound from Lilly's teacup and saucer can occasionally be heard as she slowly drinks. The silence is strained as Lilly and I wait for the elephant in the room to be addressed. AKIRA: "So..." Katawa Shoujo OST - Raindrops and Puddles Lilly dutifully puts her cup down, giving her sister her undivided attention. With Lilly and I on one side of the low table and Akira at the other, this almost feels like a judge passing down a verdict. AKIRA: "I hear that you two are going out now?" I glance sideways at Lilly to confirm her as the source of Akira's knowledge. She gives a gentle nod to Akira, which I mirror in affirmation. Deciding that this is the proper time and place to do so, and Akira being the closest figure to a parent Lilly's had for much of her life, I bow deeply with my hands on the floor before me and my head very nearly the same. HISAO: "I'll take good care of your sister, Akira. I promise you." LILLY: "See? He's a lovely young gentleman." She must've heard my voice coming from a lower position than usual. I slowly bring myself back up, my eyes tentatively looking to Akira from under my brow. To tell the truth, I very much doubt my suited judge will raise any objections. She's very definitely the type to make her disapproval with others well known, something that lends her a measure of respect in my eyes. AKIRA: "The old-fashioned kind, huh? Well, he's the kind of person I guessed you'd go for. I don't have a problem with it, and I wish you two the best. Even if I didn't like it, I couldn't really do anything anyway." I offer a nod of appreciation to her as Lilly gives a small sigh of relief, likely more out of duty than any actual belief Akira might have had any problems with us being together. AKIRA: "I do wonder though... how's the rest of the family taking it, particularly the part residing at Yamaku? Have you told her?" Smiles turn to grimaces as Akira grins downright evilly. Those closest know how to twist the knife best, after all. LILLY: "“Putting up with it” may be the best term for the situation. Don't you agree, Hisao?" HISAO: "Yeah, that sounds about right. At least she's being reasonable about it." AKIRA: "Good to hear. That girl can be a handful at the best of times. We sent a few messages back and forth during and just after the trip, and she was already busting my chops for seeing my boyfriend when we came back, after leaving Hideaki for so long. She really does care for the little guy." I cast my mind back to Shizune's odd reaction after telling her about our relationship, but decide not to bring it up. It's no doubt simply born of their mutual antipathy, and Akira's comments only back that up. AKIRA: "Well then, that's settled. Gotta get to work early tomorrow, so I'd better be off." She rises from the table with a grunt, her hand on her knee to push herself up. I just notice Akira's eyes lingering on Lilly for a couple of seconds before turning away, as she begins to take her leave. After she walks out the door, she stops and looks up thoughtfully before turning to us one last time. AKIRA: "Oh yeah, I almost forgot to tell you. Use protection. Every time." I gag violently on the tea in my mouth. Contrary to my own, Lilly's composure holds perfectly as she seems entirely unfazed. I'm kind of impressed. LILLY: "We are, don't worry." AKIRA: "'Atta girl. Seeyas." And with that she turns and strides out of the door, a hand held high as she disappears into the darkened hallway, closing the door behind her. The most reaction I can muster is flopping forwards onto the table, completely drained of energy and truly exhausted by her. Lilly's ability to hold her own against that suited devil is something I admire. HISAO: "She really is incredibly blunt. I don't think I'll ever be able to keep up with your sister's energy." .png) As I feel Lilly's soft hand come to rest on my own, I roll my head to the side to see her gently smiling. For a long time, we simply sit beside each other silently. Given her unquestionably unusual height, she is pretty much exactly as tall as I am; probably a couple of centimeters higher if anything. Like this, she appears even taller. The feeling of her pale, soft hand against mine is a pleasant one, as is the sight of the thin silken pajamas she wears, showing her curves and collarbone. LILLY: "You do get on well though, even if you do say that." HISAO: "I guess. You know, you two are a lot more alike than I first thought when I met you." LILLY: "Then it's a good thing I quickly stopped you from going after her, isn't it?" Though she jokes about it, my assessment of my inability to keep up with Akira, either physically or mentally, was quite in earnest. Lilly's slow-paced and ladylike, almost motherly, nature is perhaps the single thing that helped me most in my first weeks at Yamaku. Come to think of it... HISAO: "Wait... since when were we using protection?" "As I give a curious look to my side, Lilly's cheeks puff out as she huffs at me. LILLY: "Unlike you, I remembered. The packet is in the cupboard next to the sink." So, I'm not the only one of us that takes a pill. In hindsight, I feel rather thoughtless for not remembering at all and leaving it to Lilly. Looking over to the cupboard she mentions, I notice again the knee-high piles of books around us that were here the other times I'd visited. For the most part, they're lined up against the wall to give a little more room around the table. HISAO: "Why don't you get a bookshelf for your books? It's odd to see books just piled around, especially given that your room looks so neat and orderly otherwise." LILLY: "They're easier to find this way; I know exactly which pile each book is in." HISAO: "Wouldn't you still know that after putting each set on a different shelf?" LILLY: "That may be, but..." So she's not immune to bouts of laziness after all. HISAO: "You have so many of them, it's kind of a shame we can't share our book sets despite both of us reading so much." She gives a short giggle. HISAO: "Come to think of it, why do you order your books through Yuuko? I imagine there'd be plenty of sites that you could order books in Braille from, especially in English Braille. There are a lot of text-to-speech programs, too." She turns her head slightly away from me, which strikes me as somewhat surprising. LILLY: "I'm just... not all that good with computers. I'm all right with typewriters and braillers... but that's about it." Her tone almost makes me chuckle. She's a prideful person, so admitting something like that must be difficult. So, Lilly's the low-tech kind of person. Given her old-fashioned personality, it's not really a stunning surprise. HISAO: "I wouldn't worry about it. A lot of people aren't really that good with them, so it's not that unusual." LILLY: "“That” unusual..." Now she's even more depressed. It feels like I'm twisting the knife, rather than healing her wounds. With a bit of squirming I shuffle my way closer to her, tentatively putting one hand around her waist to hug her. I'm still not really used to this kind of physical affection, but Lilly seems to like it. .png) Lilly smiles as she turns to face me, a kiss being the reward for giving in to her. She draws me in, brushing my upper lip with hers before pressing against both. This way, every one of my senses is filled with her. The barely perceptible scent of her hair, her taste as her tongue fleetingly touches mine, the tenderness of her lips, the image of her filling my mind, the total silence apart from her faint breath... We may have kissed before, but even if this is more a kiss of simple affection than anything, it's still a new and pleasant sensation. Judging from her vivid blush as she pulls back, it's obvious she feels the same as I do; even if we're entirely alone, it still feels a little embarrassing to open up to each other this much. LILLY: "If we take everything day by day, I think that would be for the best. Small steps, right?" HISAO: "Yeah. Just small steps." We have plenty of time to be together, even after the school year is over. As long as we move together, I think everything will work out okay; neither of us is going anywhere soon, after all. For now, I'm just thankful for this small moment in time we can spend together.
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Feb 7, 2022 16:48
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Falconier111 posted:It just occurred to me: did this guy grow up before the polio vaccine? If not, the vaccines really were around when he was a kid. If so, how long ago did he get his medical education? I looked it up. He graduated from med school in 1965 and is currently 80 years old. Announcement of the Polio vaccine was 1952, so....
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Feb 7, 2022 22:39
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Falconier111 posted:It’s that time again, folks! We have another round of No objections here! Feel free to use any of my ramblings.
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Feb 8, 2022 09:19
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