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TheGreatEvilKing
Mar 28, 2016





TheGreatEvilKing? What is this?
Atom RPG is an indie post-apocalyptic RPG with a twist - instead of playing in the ruins of the United States post nuclear war, you're playing in the ruins of the USSR - specifically, the area around Moscow. Instead of a vault dweller, the player character is a member of ATOM, a secretive USSR scientific and military organization created to restore the civilization of the USSR to its prewar glory and help out around the Wasteland.

That sounds cool! I bet we could get a lot of story potential out of adventuring in the USSR!
The game actually engages with this somewhat. It wants to discuss the legacy of the Soviet Union, and we'll get to how it does that. It's...got a rather unique set of takes on the matter which it executes, in my opinion, poorly.

Oh, so this is like that Tyranny game you're also LPing?

Tyranny is a flawed game that has some interesting things to say about totalitarianism. It's not well written on a structural level, and the gameplay is bad, but it's a game worth examining that will make you think. I would describe ATOM's writing, but why should I do that, when the developers' dialog perfectly sums up the experience of playing ATOM?



This is not a good game. The writing is a bunch of Eastern European (the team is based in Poland, Latvia, Ukraine, and Russia) memelords making as many dumb jokes and references as we can fit in one game - and it will not surprise the reader to learn that Fallout references are everywhere. The actual gameplay is a miserable slog, with a questionable skill tree that has to be seen to be believed. The game is unable to settle on a consistent tone, whiplashing between "hilarious" hijinks like Fallout references and a sexual partners counter to Very Serious And Dark Moral Decisions.

It can't be that bad, right?

The portraits for the female PC are taken from mug shots of American prostitutes.

What?

Really. They did. It's a recurring theme in the game, where many of the character portraits are taken from various celebrities and inserted into odd places. Would you expect Jay from Redlettermedia to be running a Nazi rape torture snuff film dungeon? I wouldn't, but that's in the game! Now, to be fair to the developers, they apparently did try to get permission beforehand and offered to remove it if Jay objected, but the entire thing is just one giant pile of wacky references wrapped around truly miserable gameplay and bad decisions.

This is going to be a screenshot LP, so sit back and enjoy the game's load cinematic.



The game opens with an old CRT monitor.









Ronald Reagan!







It's clunky, but it's a Russian translation. It's also completely untrue, as a ton of the NPCs will talk our ears off about Communism and whatnot. Just roll with it.



Keep this in mind going forward. This is going to be a theme, and the game is going to handle it...questionably.



Sir Not Appearing In This Game.













You might be asking "if humanity is in a new Dark Age, who is manufacturing all the automatic weapons and ammo?" Don't question it. There is actual, no poo poo magic in this setting, so...



And with that, we're thrown directly into the character creation screen!

It's time for some good old audience participation! We need a name and portrait for our character. Gender is handled by your choice of portrait, so Valentina here is a lady and will, for example, get Sex Appeal bonuses against men if she takes that perk. Our choices of portraits are below:



Now, you might be asking, can we vote on skills? Unfortunately, the answer is "no" because we're going to be doing something very special with this character. While you might think the answer to combat in the homeland of the AK-47 is pumping our automatic weapons skills and shooting people with guns, the actual optimal answer is to pick up a sword and one-shot enemies. Thus, while our opponents wasted their time learning to shoot a gun, we mastered the blade. There is a perk tree. It is not well thought out, and to their credit the devs are overhauling it in the upcoming expansion.

Choose wisely!

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PurpleXVI
Oct 30, 2011

Spewing insults, pissing off all your neighbors, betraying your allies, backing out of treaties and accords, and generally screwing over the global environment?
ALL PART OF MY BRILLIANT STRATEGY!


Wow this strikes me as a game that's... bad. Just a minor hunch.

LJN92
Mar 4, 2014



TheGreatEvilKing posted:

Would you expect Jay from Redlettermedia to be running a Nazi rape torture snuff film dungeon? I wouldn't, but that's in the game! Now, to be fair to the developers, they apparently did try to get permission beforehand and offered to remove it if Jay objected, but the entire thing is just one giant pile of wacky references wrapped around truly miserable gameplay and bad decisions.

1:

2: Wouldn't the reasonable thing to do be to get the dude's permission before putting him in at all, rather than offering to remove if they object? What a bunch of creeps.

Also this game isn't just referencing Fallout but using its SPECIAL system too. It's just changed a few names here and there.

As for voting, I dunno, call ourselves Svetlana and go with the sixth portrait from the left?

BraveLittleToaster
May 5, 2019


Well, this looks like prime material for a TheGreatEvilKing LP. I will eagerly follow along.

Voting for 12th Male Portrait, calling ourselves Atticus.

Tulip
Jun 3, 2008

I have no country to fight for; my country is the earth; I am a citizen of the world.




Top, 3rd from left, name of "Yikes"

Slaan
Mar 16, 2009

I GAIN POWER FROM EATING PEOPLE, JUST ASSUME I'M ALWAYS VOTING TO EAT PEOPLE





Top. 5 from left because Hat. Named Bear Bearovich

Quackles
Aug 11, 2018

Pixels of Light.


Bottom, 8th portrait from the left, call ourselves Svetnyana.

SIGSEGV
Nov 4, 2010


Akshuly I was thinking that Kyros is closer to the Neo-Assyrians (in their early iron age, giving them strategic advantages in mobility and supply thanks to new boots with nails in them and iron bands on the outside of chariot wheels making them less likely to break, horrifically abusive practices towards imperial subjects, superlative cruelty (Nerat would not particularly stand out among them), survived a while thanks to the oppressed refusing to unite despite their regular revolts before, among other things, their technology spread to their imperial subjects) than it is to the Medes / Persian Empire that helped bring down the Neo Assyrians despite, well, Cyrus the Great, and, furthermore, I am quite amazed that we don't see the Empire use a Neo Assyrian technique: forced relocations of vanquished populations to other controlled territories in order to break down social and cultural links and enforce compliance, something the British empire learned to use quite well in...

Oh.

Well.

I'm gonna pick the cat pun okay?

Quackles posted:

Bottom, 8th portrait from the left, call ourselves Svetnyana.

SIGSEGV fucked around with this message at 04:09 on May 13, 2021

BisbyWorl
Jan 12, 2019

Knowledge is pain plus observation.




Isn't this the game where a merchant's portrait is a Jewish caricature?

Quackles posted:

Bottom, 8th portrait from the left, call ourselves Svetnyana.

OutofSight
May 4, 2017


Slaan posted:

Top. 5 from left because Hat. Named Bear Bearovich

Slaan gets it.
A man with such a nice at deserves to survive the apocalypse. (Although Bearovich strikes more as a wrestler than a man of the sword.)

inscrutable horse
May 19, 2010

Parsing sage, rotating time





Top, 2nd from the right. I am, how you say, Russian Guyovitch.

cardinale
Jul 11, 2016



I like bottom row, the sixth portrait from the left because of the hat and her grumpy expression. No opinion on name.

suicidesteve
Jan 4, 2006

"Life is a maze. This is one of its dead ends.




Slaan posted:

Top. 5 from left because Hat. Named Bear Bearovich

This logic is flawless.

Comrade Koba
Jul 2, 2007





Quackles posted:

Bottom, 8th portrait from the left, call ourselves Svetnyana.

Mordja
Apr 26, 2014




Hell Gem

TheGreatEvilKing posted:

Would you expect Jay from Redlettermedia to be running a Nazi rape torture snuff film dungeon?
Yes, actually. In fact I'd be surprised if he doesn't already.

JamMasterJim
Mar 27, 2010


Slaan posted:

Top. 5 from left because Hat. Named Bear Bearovich

I was initially going to suggest Ivan Ivanovich Ivanofski from Patlabor for reference, but Bear has my vote.

Sighence
Aug 26, 2009

Gus, don't be a rabid porcupine.

Slaan posted:

Top. 5 from left because Hat. Named Bear Bearovich

This is exactly what this game deserves.

anilEhilated
Feb 17, 2014

But I say fuck the rain.



Grimey Drawer

Cat, bear, cat, bear... Cat!

Quackles posted:

Bottom, 8th portrait from the left, call ourselves Svetnyana.

Really looking forward to seeing this, up to now I thought Fallout 4 was the bottom in post=apocalyctic RPG-ing.

anilEhilated fucked around with this message at 14:54 on May 14, 2021

That Italian Guy
Jul 25, 2012

We need the equivalent of the shrimp = small pastry avatar, but for ambulances and their mysteries now.

Slaan posted:

Top. 5 from left because Hat. Named Bear Bearovich

+1 to Comrade Bearovich.

Arcade Rabbit
Nov 11, 2013



Every once in a while, I'll see a game thats been sitting on my Steam wishlist get a shiny new lets play. Sometimes it fills me with a drive to finally download it and actually playthrough it myself.

This makes me feel like I dodged a bullet.

Jadecore
Mar 10, 2018

They say money can't buy happiness, but it sure does help.

I've heard a few things about Atom RPG, but all largely secondhand. It sounded like there's some good stuff, but also a lot of absolute nonsense. It'll be nice to see an actual run of the whole thing.


Quackles posted:

Bottom, 8th portrait from the left, call ourselves Svetnyana.

Gonna add my vote on to this.

steinrokkan
Apr 2, 2011



Soiled Meat

Jadecore posted:

I've heard a few things about Atom RPG, but all largely secondhand. It sounded like there's some good stuff, but also a lot of absolute nonsense. It'll be nice to see an actual run of the whole thing.

They got the guy who wrote Age of Decadence to completely re-translate it to English, which helped a lot, originally it was nearly incomprehensible at points. Mechanically it is unbalanced, but not moreso than lots of other indie RPGs, or indeed the original Fallout. Overall it was certainly better made than lots of the games it was going up against, e.g. Wasteland 2.

steinrokkan fucked around with this message at 21:18 on May 13, 2021

Commander Keene
Dec 21, 2016

This avatar helped buy Lowtax a new back.



"Atom RPG" sounds like an indie "please don't sue me Bethesda" pen-and-paper conversion for Fallout. Instead it's Russian knockoff Fallout. Makes sense.

Nissin Cup Nudist
Sep 3, 2011

Sleep with one eye open

We're off to Gritty Gritty land






GEK, do you ever LP games you legitimately like?


Wonder how much weird stuff in the game can be chalked up to uh, cultural differences

Keldulas
Mar 18, 2009


Oh boy, this looks to be full of the kind of writing I hate the most!

I think GEK actually liked Tyranny.

Speaking of, is that LP dead? It wouldn't surprise me because you were hating having to do the combat again, especially as a melee character. Trying to do alternate mechanics in a game system you don't actually like.... yeah.

Obviously the suiting thing to do with the MC is to name them Kyros with bottom 6th from the left, for it is a random-rear end inappropriate reference out of left field.

Keldulas fucked around with this message at 23:47 on May 13, 2021

TheGreatEvilKing
Mar 28, 2016



Keldulas posted:

Oh boy, this looks to be full of the kind of writing I hate the most!

I think GEK actually liked Tyranny.

Speaking of, is that LP dead? It wouldn't surprise me because you were hating having to do the combat again, especially as a melee character. Trying to do alternate mechanics in a game system you don't actually like.... yeah.

Obviously the suiting thing to do with the MC is to name them Kyros with bottom 6th from the left, for it is a random-rear end inappropriate reference out of left field.

Tyranny is still going. I promised you guys a second playthrough and I intend to deliver. I'm just running this one at the same time because I have no personal life thanks to COVID.

I actually have a much better appreciation for Tyranny than when I started, honestly. I like it! Combat blows, but the story is solid.

(Also far too many of my videogame and TTRPG characters are named Kyros. Don't question it.)

EDIT: We are tied between Bear Bearovich and Svetnyana, so the next vote for either of those two is going to settle it and send our unfortunate ATOM agent off on an extremely strange adventure.

TheGreatEvilKing fucked around with this message at 01:51 on May 14, 2021

Blastinus
Feb 28, 2010

Time to try my luck

Crap.

Bear Bearovich

Why? Because it's double bears. Can't go wrong with that.

TheGreatEvilKing
Mar 28, 2016



Mr Bearovitch it is!

Keldulas
Mar 18, 2009


Well as long as this is sustainable for you GEK, all the more power to you.

suicidesteve
Jan 4, 2006

"Life is a maze. This is one of its dead ends.




This is one of the few, if not the only, game that I bought based on an ad (or rather an article on Google that I'm sure was just a cleverly hidden ad.) Fallout in Russia?! Sign me up! I think I got about 15 minutes into the mess of a broken translation and confusing gameplay and decided I was good. I feel like there's at least part of a good game in there, but I'll be dipped if I can find it. At least it was only like $10. So I'm excited to see how this turns out.

Blastinus posted:

Bear Bearovich

Why? Because it's double bears. Can't go wrong with that.

Спасибо товарищ!

Broken Box
Jan 29, 2009



Two bears high fiving

Xander77
Apr 6, 2009

Fuck it then. For another pit sandwich and some 'tater salad, I'll post a few more.




Decided to play along... the game is really goddamned engaging and really goddamned full of random references. And the Russian stuff is occasionally more out of place than MGS references.

TheGreatEvilKing
Mar 28, 2016



A Land of Bandits and Incoherence

Welcome! Today on ATOM, we make our character.



A bureaucratic mistake by unnamed Soviet commissars has tragically left our hero's name recorded as "Bear Bearovitch", with a T. If enough goons object we can petition the Politburo.



More importantly, we have stats to allocate! A 10 in Dexterity is mandatory for every character because that determines action points, and the more AP we have the more we can make people taste our Cossack steel.

Which we won't be getting for a LONG time, mind you.



Luck gets dumped immediately. The build we're going for doesn't need luck, and you'll see why in a bit.



We end up with these stats for now, and I will end up lowering our intelligence to raise our strength so we can use high end automatic weapons (as backup) and because I'm not sure if that raises our sword damage or not.

Now we have two "distinctions" to pick. These are only available at the beginning of the game, and right away we can see the game is an unbalanced shitshow of poorly thought out mechanics. Here are our choices:

Black Belt: You were a martial arts enthusiast from an early age, but never liked firearms. +1 Endurance, +15 Martial Arts, +15 melee weapons, +5 to Dodge. -20 Pistols and SMG, --20 Rifles and Shotguns, -20 Automatic Firearms. Not great - there are several +2 Endurance distinctions and you can level up for more skill points or buy them with money. Dodge is also worthless. Next!

Cannibal: For reasons unknown, you have cannibalistic tendencies, and there is absolutely nothing okay about that. You can harvest meat from slain humans, +15 Survival, -2 Personality. Absolute trash. Meat is everywhere because you have to fight and kill the local wildlife, you can buy survival points with money, and you'll never get back those 2 points of Personality without extremely rare items better used elsewhere. Hilariously you can get temporary boosts from Perfume, so I guess if you want to be a crazy cannibal who smells like Axe Body Spray I can't stop you.

Sex Appeal: You are drop-dead, crazy gorgeous! The opposite sex has the yayas for you, but your own gender tends to be hostile. +2 Personality and +15 Barter with the opposite gender, -2 Personality and -15 Barter with your own gender. I see this get recommended for lady PCs all the time so you can drop personality to 4, but eh.

Child Prodigy: You were always way ahead of your peers as a child, but now you struggle to learn new things. +1 Intellect, +1 Personality, +1 Attention. -50% XP gain. You could probably make this work based on your tolerance for grinding bandits out in the wilderness, and everything scales to your level. Eh.

Anabolics Fan: You used weird chems to enhance your muscle growth, and it shows. +2 strength, +20 kg carry weight, -1 Intellect -6 Dodge, -5 radiation and toxic resistance. You might think this would be great for us, but that "melee damage" stat is just unarmed damage. That said, strength does give us more hit points, which is great for our endgame battle strategy of tanking damage in combat armor, then chugging ALL OF THE DRUGS to heal to full.

Technophobe: You never liked crafting or technology. Why go to the fuss of using a tractor when a shovel will do the same job?[ +1 strength, +1 endurance, -30 technology, -30 tinkering, no starting craft recipes This actually rules and you're smart to take it. Technology is a thoroughly useless skill (the one time you want it to be useful the game mocks you for trying) and the crafting system is a literal joke on the player.

Diplomat: You're a fearless public speaker and always prefer a peaceful solution. This is reflected in your terrible fighting skills. +3 Personality, +20 Speechcraft, -1 Strength, -3 Sequence, -10 to all combat skills. You could probably make this work, -10 isn't that much and you'd get a huge Personality bonus. Wiki seems to think you can use this to talk your way out of ongoing combats? Never tried this one.

Ascetic: You don't need to carry a bunch of junk around with you when you know how to survive. It takes twice as long to get hungry, +10 to survival, -1 Strength, -7 to carry weight. Absolutely worthless benefit, hunger is never an issue.

Slick Dealer: Money rules the world, and you'd make a bargain with the Devil himself if it meant turning a profit. +1 Personality, +1 Attention, +10 Barter, +10 Speechcraft, -5 Sequence, -1 Strength, -10 Carry Weight. Eh. You will never want for money in this game.

Savage Hunter: You love to lose yourself in the hunt, so much that you never got into the habit of bathing or shaving regularly. +35% damage to animals, you can skin animals without a knife. -2 Personality, -15 Carry Weight. Ignoring the fact that killing animals to presumably carry them around for food and furs and whatnot somehow makes you carry less, this perk sucks because animals are a complete nonthreat. If it was extra damage against people carrying firearms, you would want it, but as it you're a moron.

Morphine Doctor: You're a drug addicted intellectual. +1 Intellect, +10 First Aid. +50% Addiction Chance. Addiction is a complete nonthreat, and the first aid is not as useful as you'd think. It just increases the amount of healing you get from drugs, but due to the way combat works, you spend 4 AP to open the inventory and then you can shoot up as much as you want. In the end, it's a free +1 intellect and thus perfect for our friend Bear here.

Hobby Engineer: You always loved to tinker! Sadly, spending so much time on this hobby in poorly lit rooms was bad for your eyesight. You start off with basic crafting recipes, +20 Tinkering and Technology. -1 Attention, -1 Personality. It's poo poo. Don't trade characteristic points for skill points, you can get tons more skill points but very few characteristic points.

Glutton: The pangs of hunger hit you harder than your skinnier brethren, but your huge paunch offers additional proctection from danger. +2 Endurance. Hunger hits you twice as fast. This is basically +2 Endurance for free, and was on my practice run character.

Circus Education: An old carnie tutored you in his nefarious craft. +1 Dexterity, +10 Sneak, +3 Dodge, +10 Lock Picking and Pickpocket. -20 kg carry weight, -7 sequence. Sequence is initiative, which usually translates to "I can hit the bad man with my sword" vs "they shot me with a machine gun". There are worse choices I guess?

Cursed Sniper: An old gypsy cursed you for shooting her pet crow! +2 Attention, +10% to aimed shot chance. -2 Luck, -7 sequence, -10% to ordinary shot chance. I think occasionally rifle builds use this?

Lone Wolf: You're much happier on your own. A bunch of chatty sidekicks are nothing but a burden. (When alone) +2 Attention, +5 sequence, +10 kilos to carry weight. (When accompanied) -2 Attention, -20 Survival, -7 sequence. Mechanically, companions suck for reasons we'll get into, so solo runs are absolutely the way to play this game. We will be ignoring this for the LP because I suspect you all want to see the companions. We can't get them all together in one run, but I'll show off who I can.

Shooting Gallery Fan: You used to spend all your spare time at the shooting gallery, where you tried out all sorts of weapons. This, however, was at the expense of any kind of physical training. +15 to gun-related skills, +5 sequence, -15 to Martial Arts, -15 to Melee Weapons, -1 Endurance. The game heavily incentivizes you to pick one gun skill, so this distinction is yet another trap in the pile.

Lucky One: You've always breezed through life without even trying. This has its downside. +3 Luck, +2 Personality, +15 Speechcraft. -1 Endurance, -10 all skills except Speechcraft and Gambling. Maybe? I think Luck affects crit chance, but we are going to be picking up an automatic critical skill later in the game, so we're ditching this.

Leader: You've always been a natural leader. Too bad people need so much leading. (For every follower, you get:) +7 Speechcraft, +5 First Aid, +5 Barter, -1 Attention, -1 Dexterity. (Followers get:) +1 Dexterity, +1 Endurance. You want me to hand off my action points to...my followers, who are under AI Control? FUUUUUCK right off!

Unlucky Optimist: You're unlucky most of the time, but when Lady Luck does take a shine to you, it's blinding! Critical hit damage up, +2 Endurance, -5 critical chance, -1 Luck. This perk loving rules mostly because of the critical damage. Our luck can't go below one, so we get a nice dump stat, and we legitimately do not care about the critical chance penalty because we will study the blade and get automatic critical hits.

So the end result is below.



Mr. Bearovitch is a fiendishly fast yet unlucky Russian man who can take a beating, is fairly strong, and is trained in the ways of the sword and stealth. Let's get this game started! I'm playing on Normal difficulty, that's bad enough.



Um. What? The first time I played, I legitimately thought this was a Christmas tree, but only now when the screenshot is paused do I see the demons on the side.





I won't lie, the trees really make it look like a Christmas decoration. Also, I have the UI size turned up to 2.25, which I will realize is a horrible mistake and correct later.



: AAAAAHHH!



: [You see nothing unusual. You're in the barracks for agents about to be deployed on field work. A man is standing near you. He looks worried.]

Lenin is our unofficial narrator for this LP, folks. As the ATOM Team freely drafted celebrities, this lets me draft Lenin. On a more serious note, I can't come up with another person who embodies the USSR nearly as well - when you preserve a guy to found a cult and study his "scientific brain" and slap his posters everywhere after he founds your government, he's gonna be known for the Soviet Union. Lenin was admittedly a pretty smart guy.



: That's the idea. Who are you again?



: What is my mission, though?



: Uhh... Where am I? Can't tell... Guess I overslept.



Ha ha.

: Okay. So what should we do now?



: I'll eat later. Let's head straight to the briefing.



I'm skipping the fighting tutorial for being uninteresting.

: Fine. Let me get something to eat first, though.



So we have a reference to a Seinfield episode that aired in...1995? In a game that came out in 2017?

: [Get a hold of your faculties.]

Any inventory tutorial occurs that I skip.





: This is a test of some kind, right?



: You're a weird fella, aren't you? Hold on. I'll see if I can find it.

We're given a tutorial on how to use items. Notably, the key (which is on the table under the window) needs to be equipped in a weapon slot for some loving reason.



Really!





The reason I wanted to show this off is because ATOM has a fully functional army base, with at least one tank (offscreen, but on the map) and troop carrier trucks. Now we can finish the tutorial.

: It's not my first time. I'll cope. [Finish the tutorial.]

: That's what you all say. But if that's how you feel, I'll just follow you to the briefing.



: [Listen to the briefing and venture forth towards your destiny!]

Cutscene time!



A movie camera!



Countdown!



I have no idea what this says.



I honestly like this game's video segments.



As much as I'm tempted to quote Yeltsin in the supermarket, the USSR was probably better than living in the aftermath of a nuclear war.





My guess is that this is old Soviet propaganda footage, but I don't honestly know.



We'll be hearing this name on and off again in the future. This game's pacing leaves something to be desired.



The good general himself. A quick google indicates that there was a real General Morozov in the Red Army, who wrote a bunch of memoirs in World War II. Farewell, wallet, hello, Amazon bill.



It's tempting to point and laugh, but this is one of many hints that ATOM is not competently run. This will be a plot point.









This guy's a companion, who I ended up ditching after the Jay from Redlettermedia fight. What? That's in the game!







We're going to be doing a LOT of heroics regardless.

: The Wastes are a dangerous place.



Our protagonist throws the dossier onto the fire.



And we cut to an in-engine cutscene. I want you all to notice the AK-47 sitting by that log.

: Wait a second... What's that rustling sound?



So, yes, the protagonist of ATOM is a goddamn idiot who left all of his weapons out of easy reach in a post-apocalyptic wasteland where the opening narration will not shut up about the struggle to survive.



Oh boy!

: Well, well, well. What do we have here? Hope I'm not bothering you, comrade.



So, yes, here's my problem with the scene: we're getting attacked by a pack of jackasses with brass knuckles and crowbars and poo poo, and we have a goddamn AK-47. I didn't play a lot of New Vegas, but the opening is similar - except that the Courier is shot by a gang of gunmen led by a distinctive rear end in a top hat, not...well, watch this.

: You look like a tourist, man. Nice tent, clean clothes without holes or tears... and so much other stuff!

: [The man whistles at all your equipment.]

: It must be difficult carrying such a load of stuff around.

: [The stranger's face breaks into an enormous smile.]

: You know, me and my pals could help you... Well, not for free of course, but for a very reasonable price. What say you?



Hooray!

: Easy there, man. Maybe you missed it in the dark, but I'm not the sort to be stopped by some brass knuckles.



This sounds like some kind of opportunity for a trained Soviet soldier to maybe grab the AK, but what do I know?



Anyway. This fight. You can't win this fight. You used to be able to make a character build that crippled yourself personalitywise but let you grab the bag and gun and mow down the bandits, but according to the wiki, the devs patched that out. Of course, if you aren't strong enough the game has an undocumented feature where Cutscene Dipshit automagically wins initiative and one-shots you.



I miss the screenshot, but the bag is full of stuff including a Soviet combat knife that would serve us well until we got the sword. Unfortunately, grabbing the bag leaves us at three action points. I do have to acknowledge, even if you make it to turn 2 with the gun you still have to load the drat thing, because, again, our protagonist is an idiot.



We get the poo poo beat out of us by the bandits. The lying down animation is how the game handles being stunned, so the bandits beat us down to 16 hp and fade to black, running off with all our stuff. Note that 16 hp is a little less than half our starting health, but the developers are determined to show what an idiot the player character is.



Except the tent the bandit leader explicitly said he thought was nice.



Goddammit, ATOM.

TheGreatEvilKing summary posted:

: You are having a SPOOOOKY dream! There are a bunch of lights and evergreens, that almost indicate a Christmas tree, but there are also easily missable demons off to the side! Suddenly you are attacked by the black smoke monster from LOST! WoOoOoOoOoO!

: AAAAH! What the gently caress kind of mishmash of incoherent imagery is this?

: Hey, it's me, Alf, I might or might not be some kind of a reference. Want a tutorial?

: Eh...sure....

: Now have a Soup Nazi reference! You like references you little bitch?

: You know what, let's just start the game.

: It's time for another tonal shift! We started with bizarre cosmic horror, then shifted to funny references, and now I will patriotically invoke the glory of the Motherland and ask you to go on an expedition to find the lost General Morozov! He was looking for Bunker 317, which had pre-war technology we could use to rebuild civilization. Go to the town of Otradnoye, but also look for our agent Fidel in Krasnoznamenny. No heroics! The wasteland is dangerous!

: I am a goddamn loving moron and will adventure around irresponsibly leaving my AK-47 out of reach.

: WHAT THE gently caress DID I JUST SAY?

: Hello, I will soliloquy for three hours before leading my gang of men armed with improvised melee weaponry to attack you. See my brass knuckles? I'm super dangerous!

: I'M BEAR BEAROVITCH, MOTHERFUCKER!

: Uh...poo poo...get him, men!

: Ha ha! This is a cutscene! We are beating and robbing you now!

:

So we've started this game with a bizarre tonal whiplash. We start with what is supposed to be some kind of horror but reads as farce with dancing demons, evil stars, and evergreens, then we transition into Alf and his land of kooky humor, then we have a patriotic briefing to restore the Soviet motherland, and then we are beaten within an inch of our life after the game jokes about us being an oblivious idiot. Parts of it almost work, like the briefing telling us to be careful contrasted with the sheer idiocy our protagonist displays, but the end result is just this weird whiplash where I'm not sure if I'm supposed to take the horror plot seriously the game...kind of tries to later? I'm honestly not sure if the takeaway from the ambush is supposed to be that the Wasteland is dangerous or that the protagonist is a complete idiot. Oh well!

Next time: One drug-loving man's quest to brick every rat in the Unity Asset Store.

LJN92
Mar 4, 2014



Turn based combat that relies on Agility? Golly, that sounds familiar....

drkeiscool
Aug 1, 2014


Soiled Meat

i like how the stat system is literally the fallout SPECIAL system with the names and places shuffled a bit

also, i see from the intro that we're off to a great start.

Sindai
Jan 24, 2007
i want to achieve immortality through not dying

drkeiscool posted:

i like how the stat system is literally the fallout SPECIAL system with the names and places shuffled a bit
It looks like the stats were translated to Russian and back, resulting in some of them becoming almost-synonyms that aren't normally used in this context. It's great.

PurpleXVI
Oct 30, 2011

Spewing insults, pissing off all your neighbors, betraying your allies, backing out of treaties and accords, and generally screwing over the global environment?
ALL PART OF MY BRILLIANT STRATEGY!


I love cutscene losses that make no sense on any level.

Ninurta
Sep 19, 2007
What the HELL? That's my cutting board.




Google translates this as Ministry of Defense, Organization of ATOM and that this film is Perfectly Secret.

Also, the Honey Eaters Brigade? Please tell me that was just a mistranslation of Honey Badger.

Quackles
Aug 11, 2018

Pixels of Light.


Well, as they say... up and ATOM.

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Slaan
Mar 16, 2009

I GAIN POWER FROM EATING PEOPLE, JUST ASSUME I'M ALWAYS VOTING TO EAT PEOPLE





The T isn't a typo. It's an unusual suffix from the bear tribe of bearland sibearia

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