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Dolphin
Dec 5, 2008



Larry is not me. His name is not actually Larry. Amongst Larry's exploits are the following:

He decided that making GBS threads in his garbage disposal was the appropriate solution to his toilet being backed up. He insisted that it was easy to clean the disposal and that the disposal was essentially a glorified sewage pump. He did this for two weeks, and surprisingly it didn't actually cause any horrible smells in his house. Larry has been using lemons to freshen up his disposal for as long as I've known him. The seeds make a harsh grinding sound in the disposal and he has to regularly twist a screw on the bottom of the disposal to clear jams. As far as I know Larry has stopped making GBS threads in his garbage disposal.

At one point on a vacation to Pensacola, Larry was terrified of the moon jellies in the water. There was a purple sign warning of jellyfish. He initially went in the water and claimed that he was getting stung by the jellies, and insisted that someone pee on his legs. No one obliged so he went to a store to buy vinegar. He REALLY wanted to swim but he didn't want to be stung more, so his solution to this issue was to get duck tape while he was at the store, and then he duck taped his jeans to his shoes to make sure none of the dastardly moon jellies could swim up his pants. He swam in the water fully clothed with his pants duck taped to his shoes for about an hour, and then insisted that we go crab fishing. He picked a spot under a bridge where a local person informed us that we shouldn't eat anything fished from that location. Larry managed to catch about 4 tiny crabs (no fishing license) roughly the color of tree bark which he brought back home and cooked. Larry insisted they were delicious and we should eat some (no one else did). Larry then wanted to catch more crabs, and the friend we were visiting declined so Larry threw a fit complaining that he never got to choose group activities.

Larry likes to make things himself. He has a junkyard full of vehicles on his property that he keeps for projects. He is currently working on a vacuum truck because he wants to make a firing range in the hill behind his house, and his best solution to the excavation was to purchase a used vacuum unit and mount it to a trailer which he wants to vacuum out the soil with. The vacuum unit is a giant 600 pound monstrosity that came out of a sawmill factory for removing sawdust. He wants to hook it up to a propane tank and suck out the soil. He will not listen to any advice that it would be cheaper and easier to just rent a vacuum truck, or just go to a firing range.

Some background on Larry:

Larry has a lucrative trade job and he pulls roughly 250K per year.

His house is currently under heavy renovation because he exploded it in a manner that I wish I could post but it would be too easy to identify him. He insisted that paying contractors was too expensive, so he has been doing the renovation himself. It is thus far extremely incomplete and he's living with his mother.

Larry recently had a vasectomy reversed. His reasoning for the reversal was pain from "too much cum backing him up."

Larry has received numerous complaints from the city about his accumulation of junk vehicles. His solution was to purchase a large excavator to build up berms around his junkyard. He didn't want to spend too much money so he purchased an excavator that doesn't work but was "easy to fix." He has since received complaints from the city about the excavator. He routinely calls me to ask "what the gently caress do they even expect me to do, I'm trying to work on the thing."

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Sid Vicious
Jan 1, 1970




Larry fucks

RepeatingMeme
Dec 27, 2012

Have u seen thos pig balls tho







this guy sure sounds like a real character if you ask me, a straight whackadoo!

so when ya gonna buy him an account?

Dolphin
Dec 5, 2008



Larry has a sump pump in his basement for normal reasons. There is a bathroom directly adjacent to the sump but it doesn't have a light, so Larry regularly removes the lid from the sump basin so he can take a piss in it instead of just having a light installed in the bathroom, or just walking upstairs. The drain that exits outside smells extremely of piss.

SilvergunSuperman
Aug 6, 2010



Larry is a strong masculine name

Dolphin
Dec 5, 2008



And a real hero.

Dolphin
Dec 5, 2008



HOMO ERECTUS posted:

this guy sure sounds like a real character if you ask me, a straight whackadoo!

so when ya gonna buy him an account?
Larry would disown me if he saw this thread. But if I did buy him an account he would adamantly justify every one of his life choices.

Spinz
Jan 7, 2020



How does Larry make a quarter of a million dollars a year?
He is skilled at this one trade?

Or did he get incredibly lucky or what

Dolphin
Dec 5, 2008



Spinz posted:

How does Larry make a quarter of a million dollars a year?
He is skilled at this one trade?

Or did he get incredibly lucky or what
I forgot to mention that he's perpetually broke. He constantly buys equipment online, all defunct.

He got the trade gig from his father, who is a multimillionaire. I can't go into specifics.

GoutPatrol
Oct 17, 2009

Coal Jobs for the Coal God



Are you sure his house exploding and making GBS threads in the garbage disposal are not related?

RepeatingMeme
Dec 27, 2012

Have u seen thos pig balls tho







Dolphin posted:

But if I did buy him an account he would adamantly justify every one of his life choices.

now THAT would be a thread

Dolphin
Dec 5, 2008



GoutPatrol posted:

Are you sure his house exploding and making GBS threads in the garbage disposal are not related?
gently caress it, I'll bite.

Larry is extremely into the natural health thing so he started making ozonated olive oil which he planned to sell for a profit. While he was manufacturing the ozonated olive oil he was simultaneously making essential oils from something or other, I don't recall. The essential oils created a mist in his house which mixed with the ozone he was making and a spark or something caused the mixture to ignite and blew up his entire house. All of the windows blew out and started a fire which caused enough smoke to ruin every room in his house. He explained all of this to the fire department who decided this was all his fault so he got no insurance compensation which he is still extremely pissed about. How could he have known that could happen.

rotinaj
Sep 4, 2008






Fun Shoe

Would you please give us some sort of reason you classify Larry as a friend? I know you are picking and choosing things to talk about but so far this person does not sound like a good person to spend time with.

Dolphin
Dec 5, 2008



rotinaj posted:

Would you please give us some sort of reason you classify Larry as a friend? I know you are picking and choosing things to talk about but so far this person does not sound like a good person to spend time with.
Larry is actually pretty fun to hang out with. He also has a lot of money and is a good person to know in a pinch. I'm sure that makes me sound like a terrible person.

GoutPatrol
Oct 17, 2009

Coal Jobs for the Coal God



Dolphin posted:

gently caress it, I'll bite.

Larry is extremely into the natural health thing so he started making ozonated olive oil which he planned to sell for a profit. While he was manufacturing the ozonated olive oil he was simultaneously making essential oils from something or other, I don't recall. The essential oils created a mist in his house which mixed with the ozone he was making and a spark or something caused the mixture to ignite and blew up his entire house. All of the windows blew out and started a fire which caused enough smoke to ruin every room in his house. He explained all of this to the fire department who decided this was all his fault so he got no insurance compensation which he is still extremely pissed about. How could he have known that could happen.

asked and answered thank you

BigBadSteve
Apr 29, 2009

Self Defense
Nil Satanus carborundum

Yeshua akbar!
(Xtian anarchisto, no bombo)


Sid Vicious posted:

Larry fucks

Dolphin posted:

Larry is extremely into the natural health thing so he started making ozonated olive oil which he planned to sell for a profit. While he was manufacturing the ozonated olive oil he was simultaneously making essential oils from something or other, I don't recall. The essential oils created a mist in his house which mixed with the ozone he was making and a spark or something caused the mixture to ignite and blew up his entire house. All of the windows blew out and started a fire which caused enough smoke to ruin every room in his house. He explained all of this to the fire department who decided this was all his fault so he got no insurance compensation which he is still extremely pissed about. How could he have known that could happen.

Antivehicular
Dec 30, 2011

I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving
And something has got to give


Wait, was the garbage-disposal making GBS threads happening in the now-destroyed house, or was Larry making GBS threads in his mom's garbage disposal?

Mafic Rhyolite
Nov 7, 2020


rotinaj posted:

Would you please give us some sort of reason you classify Larry as a friend? I know you are picking and choosing things to talk about but so far this person does not sound like a good person to spend time with.

I don't know wtf you're talking about, this dude sounds great to have as a friend, just not to ever live with. Probably a very bad time living with Larry.

RepeatingMeme
Dec 27, 2012

Have u seen thos pig balls tho







have you tried making GBS threads in your sink? maybe its not such a bad idea

Dolphin
Dec 5, 2008



at one point our friends wife in Pensacola was drunk and rolling around on the floor going "he duct taped his pants to his shoes! he's so loving stupid"

to which Larry replied "well when you put it like that it does sound kinda dumb..."

Internetjack
Sep 15, 2007

oh god how did this get here i am not good with computers


Top Cop

Antivehicular posted:

was Larry making GBS threads in his mom's garbage disposal?

is probably a SA question I will remember for a while.

Spinz
Jan 7, 2020



Larry absolutely does sound fun absolutely as long as he doesn't kill you by accident some night. Like I would literally never eat food of his

Hell I'd be scared to go to the bathroom there I guess. Or actually it sounds like it's impossible what what a character

1redflag
Feb 15, 2012

I'm accidentally a suicide bomber!


Is Larry married? Cause he sounds like a dreamboat

Smugworth
Apr 18, 2003

Well, I've got brain damage on the side of my brain, and I don't know which side, left or right, where I huffed gasoline for ten long years.




I hope you at least offered Larry some hand relief after he explained how backed up he was. That's what a real friend would do for his bud, OP

Son of Rodney
Feb 22, 2006

ohmygodohmygodohmygod



Larry owns lmao

BigBadSteve
Apr 29, 2009

Self Defense
Nil Satanus carborundum

Yeshua akbar!
(Xtian anarchisto, no bombo)


Larry is Cosmo Kramer if Kramer had a good income and a house. Larry for POTUS!

OMFG FURRY
Jul 10, 2006

[snarky comment]


Larry is the kind of friend you keep at arms length at all times, but enjoy hanging around because what sort of dumb poo poo is he going to get into next.

Don't let him drive you anywhere, though. That is a life altering mistake.

Poohs Packin
Jan 13, 2019

My god, Winston, is that infernal sun still giving my buttocks that entirely too cool smirk?!


Dolphin posted:

Larry has received numerous complaints from the city about his accumulation of junk vehicles. His solution was to purchase a large excavator to build up berms around his junkyard. He didn't want to spend too much money so he purchased an excavator that doesn't work but was "easy to fix." He has since received complaints from the city about the excavator. He routinely calls me to ask "what the gently caress do they even expect me to do, I'm trying to work on the thing."

I love this so much. A true renaissance man.

Captain Splendid
Jan 7, 2009

Qu'en pense Caffarelli?

Go, Larry!

givepatajob
Apr 8, 2003

One finds that this is the best of all possible worlds.

Dinosaur Gum

I'm Larry

Flannelette
Jan 16, 2010




Rip Larry
"Died in a shower of cum from his backed up nuts"

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

He sounds like a giant piece of poo poo op but I appreciate the grift for his mom's money or whatever

Dang It Bhabhi!
May 27, 2004

Every idiot can count to one.


Dolphin posted:

Larry is actually pretty fun to hang out with. He also has a lot of money and is a good person to know in a pinch. I'm sure that makes me sound like a terrible person.

Dang It Bhabhi!
May 27, 2004

Every idiot can count to one.


OK class welcome back to Country Music Hitwriting 101. Today's writing prompt: "Backed up truck nutz."

You have 60 minutes start now.

Luvcow
Jul 1, 2007




just wondering about the sink making GBS threads situation. like does larry climb up on the counter and hang his rear end into the sink and poo poo or does he poo poo into a bucket and pour it in or maybe he shits in the broken toilet and then gently fishes it out with a little fish net and then carries it to the sink while leaving a little trail of lovely water behind him?

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

Backed up truck nutz
My wife jus' left me
Had 2 six-packs
Sucking on a shotgun

Luvcow
Jul 1, 2007




i guess i'm wondering if we can get a diagram or a diorama of the process

DarkSoulsTantrum
Apr 6, 2011

this kills the crab

Sure, they're visually impressive, but a lot of posters find large avatars physically uncomfortable. Furthermore, the owners of large avatars often rely on their size alone and don't bother to develop more refined posting techniques.






Larry simultaneously owns and sucks poo poo

givepatajob
Apr 8, 2003

One finds that this is the best of all possible worlds.

Dinosaur Gum

DarkSoulsTantrum posted:

Larry simultaneously owns and sucks poo poo

He's a real-life Werewolf Jones

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Bula Vinaka
Oct 21, 2020

Beachside!


Dolphin posted:

He explained all of this to the fire department who decided this was all his fault so he got no insurance compensation which he is still extremely pissed about. How could he have known that could happen.

AFAIK, home owners insurance will pay for any damage to a house, even if it's the homeowner's fault. They will not cover the damage if they determine that it was caused deliberately... in other words, fraud, in order to get a new house or free renovations or something like that. It also doesn't cover floods from natural causes... you need flood insurance for that. (I.e., burst pipe is covered, basement flooding from huge rain storm isn't.)

This for me unfortunately raises suspicions about the authenticity of the stories of Larry. :\

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