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Android Blues posted:picking up my dirty dishes from the kitchen floor, putting them into the sink, muttering "noscope" to myself. that's right, says my positive nurture genie (the tulpa my therapist recommended i trick my brain into thinking is my friend), you don't need a scope for this. you're such a good person, and this is an actual CBT technique, which is insane to me. i quickly stop manifesting the positive nurture genie before it becomes a ghastly doubt demon and consider doing a kickflip on the linoleum Android Blues posted:chugging six 500mls of Monster® Ripper™, the sweet taste of O'ahu surf filling my nostrils, and imagining my happy place (anywhere but here, but specifically i guess surfing because of the branding of the poison i am pouring into my body) as i repetitively browse Twitter and hope for something that will make me feel good when i click it Android Blues posted:watching the X-Games and imagining a universe where i became a pro BMX bicyclist, and through a smudged lens knowing that i'd be happier in that life. i allow myself to live in it for a few moments - look over at my boyfriend on the sofa, rolling his thumb over his phone - and go back to the fantasy, knowing that it will only last so long, knowing that i no longer have time to make it anything more than a simulacrum of real Android Blues posted:I have an addiction to 'tude. All a peddler of sugars and fats has to do to get me to buy their product is slap the word "Radical" or "Blast" on it, and I'm gone. If it reminds me at all of surfing I am a powerless vessel, ridden by its incubus grip. Actual surfing? I can take or leave it. Android Blues posted:gazing into my Sonic the Hedgehog commemorative 20th anniversary collector's coin, knowing that it will appreciate slightly in value, and allowing myself to think that it will be a 6% instead of a 0.25% increase year on year for one momentary mind-blitzing trip into unattainable fantasy. I could put the down payment on a car with this bad boy, I think, dreamily, imagining a better future. I could own an air conditioner. Anything's possible for me. Android Blues posted:with each ledge ascent and death-defying wall run i tell myself "You are being good today. You deserve not to fall and hurt your ankle. You deserve a rich inner life. This is alright; doing parkour is fun, and even if it's not fast or profitable, you love parkour because it is tubular, not because it can extract profit from circumstances." I fall and hurt my ankle anyway; I know that I did not deserve it, and the pain seems less as a result. hooly loving lmao
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Jun 16, 2021 23:25
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planting a bath bomb in city hall
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Jun 17, 2021 12:01
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