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Kenning
Jan 10, 2009

I really want to post goatse. I wish I had 10bux




The old thread can be found here.

Welcome to the sumo thread!



This top post contains information about the current or upcoming tournament, as well as Goon Fantasy Sumo. If you're new to sumo, see the next post!

Next basho: Aki 2021, September 11th - 26th, Ryogoku Kokugikan in Tokyo.

Current banzuke:

code:
Hakuho		Yokozuna	
Terunofuji	  Ozeki		Takakeisho
Shodai		  Ozeki		Asanoyama
Takayasu	Sekiwake	Mitakeumi
Wakatakakage 	Komusubi	Meisei
Endo		   M1		Daiesho
Takanosho	   M2		Ichinojo
Hokutofuji	   M3		Tobizaru
Koteko		   M4		Chiyotairyu
Okinoumi	   M5		Hoshoryu
Onosho		   M6		Kiribayama
Myogiryu	   M7		Chiyoshoma
Takarafuji	   M8		Aoiyama
Hidenoumi	   M9		Shimanoumi
Tamawashi	   M10		Terutsuyoshi
Kaisei		   M11		Kotonowaka
Tochinoshin	   M12		Kagayaki
Chiyomaru	   M13		Ura
Daiamami	   M14		Chiyonoo
Tsurugisho	   M15		Tokushoryu
Chiyonokuni	   M16		Ishiura
Ichiyamamoto	   M17
Storylines:

The san'yaku

Hakuho claims he will compete. This is likely the last basho for the greatest athlete of any sport. We're going to miss him.

Terunofuji won Natsu in a playoff with Takakeisho, and is officially on a yokozuna run. Strictly speaking both Takakeisho and Terunofuji are theoretically on belt runs, but basically only if the yusho is 13-2 or better, and Takakeisho beats Terunofuji in a playoff.

Takayasu is officially on an ozeki run, but word is that he'd have to post 13+ wins and take the yusho to get it in Nagoya, so more likely he's just going to try to put up good numbers to make it easier at Aki. Mitakeumi is doing his customary feint towards starting an ozeki run, but nobody believes it.

Maegashira

Wakatakakage was very impressive in Natsu and has debuted in san'yaku for Nagoya. Hoshoryu got a slight demotion, but he was looking good over all and may be set for a good tournament in July. Endo rocketed up from mid-maegashira, and will probably get 7 or 8 wins from M1e. Tochinoshin is looking bad, people are talking of retirement.

Juryo and below

With a juryo yusho from J2w, Ura has returned to makuuchi for the first time in nearly 4 years after his injury at M13w. Joining him will be unlikely Hatsu 2020 yusho winner Tokushoryu. Taiho's grandson Oho is inching up from the bottom of juryo, while Hakuho's giant prodigy Hokuseiho is at the top of makushita (Ms2w!) and trying for sekitori this round. Our favorite idiot Abi is back in the salaried ranks with his 7-0 makushita yusho from Ms7e.

After having gotten a massive 15 rank promotion on the strength of a 0-7 record for Natsu due to a large maezumo class, sumo samurai Shonanzakura is back at the bottom of jonokuchi. Expect him to stand up at the tachi-ai and prophylactically fall over with extra spirit this basho.



Goonzuke:

code:
			    Aki 2021		
				
			  SA Goonzuke		
				
			     Ozeki		
+0	GoatSeeGuy			
				
			    Sekiwake		
0	Thauros			1	captainblastum			+2
				2	Skjorte				+1
				
			    Komusubi		
+1	Vargatron		1	Tiny Bug Child			 0
+3	bessantj		2	whats for dinner		+3
				
			   Maegashira		
+4	Kenning			1	Lid	+3
+.5	Banana Canada		2	scripterror			+6
+8	bartolimu		3	Charles Gnarwin			+5
+2	MalarkeyToboggan	4	Pakled				+3
-3	Khizan			5	sivad				-1
-6	Cage Kicker		6	Fluffdaddy			 0
+5	EveryonesFavoritePoster	7	Chinook				-2
-1	Beeswax			8	Sub Rosa			-9
+7	Brut			9	MyChemicalImbalance		+9
+7	Tochiazuma		10	pseuodragon			-1
-1	Helianthus Annuus	11	Neodoomium			-.5
+8	Dias			12	TwoWordName			 @
+9	jmzero			13	Marching Powder			-4
@	KungfuGrip		14	QuasiQuack			-2
-1	anakha			15	Bellwether			 @
-1	Maigius			16	ratmosphere			-.5
+3	Scythe			17	LlamaTrauma			 @
				
			      Juryo		
				
@	Netsky			1	Communist Thoughts	 	 @
@	rare Magic card l00k	2	Eli949				 @
-10	Crusty Nutsack		3	Shiroc				-7
-8	Jobbo_Fett		4	Biosys				-2
-4	Teddybear		5	Ice Phisherman			-5
-8	Liquid Communism	6	Robviously			-9
@	Halloween Jack		7	ilmucche			 @
@	Martytoof		8	NuclearPotato			 @
@	Log082			9	Foehammer007			 @
@	Glugglugs		10	Diplomat			-8
-7	Lone Goat		11		
Fantasy storylines

All three sekiwake, Thauros, Skortje, and captainblastum, are on strong ozeki runs. They basically just need a winning record for the promotion. Vargatron is on a weak run and would need excellent numbers to get up there. Tiny Bug Child continues to hang around the junior san'yaku, Mitakeumi-like. Hatsu winner brut is back in the joi and looking for a san'yaku debut, as is newcomer scripterror, who has yet to post a losing record since their Haru debut. After a career high of komusubi west in Haru, anakha has clearly been struggling with injury and is at risk of falling into juryo with another losing record, as is Maigus, currently on a 5 basho losing streak.

The current yokogoona are Vargatron (who defended the title they won in Natsu) and captainblastum, who won in Haru, defended in Natsu, and then won again in Nagoya, a very impressive feat.

edit: Watch this video immediately.

Kenning fucked around with this message at 03:03 on Jul 23, 2021

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Kenning
Jan 10, 2009

I really want to post goatse. I wish I had 10bux




Sumo wrestling is ancient, ceremonial, and steeped in Japanese culture. It's also an excellent spectacle, full of huge men who smash into each other, old men who bicker with each other, and all of the melodrama you could hope for from a combat sport. There's a big community of people who love sumo in this thread, and we'd love for you to join us.

What is sumo

Sumo is a grappling sport with ancient origins and a complex relationship with Japanese nationalism over the centuries. If you want a lot more information about historical nerd poo poo, see the bottom of this post!

Nowadays, there are professional and amateur sumo leagues. We'll be talking about professional sumo, i.e. Grand Sumo, i.e. ozumo. Grand sumo tournaments are held 6 times a year, about midway through each odd-numbered month. They last 15 days, and each wrestler fights once per day. Bouts take place in a special clay ring called the dohyo. Wrestlers wear a special belt/loincloth called a mawashi. The wrestler with the most wins after 15 days wins the tournament, possibly subject to a playoff. The results of each tournament determine each wrestler's rank in the next tournament, and rank is everything.

Note: wrestlers are called, well, wrestlers, or sumotori (i.e. sumo-doers) or rikishi (i.e. powerful gentlemen). The top two ranks are called sekitori. They are never, ever, referred to as "sumos".



Rules of sumo

There are only really 2 rules in sumo. Don't step out of the ring, and don't touch the ground with anything but the bottoms of your feet. There are a few disqualifying moves, such as kicking above the belt, hitting with a closed fist, grabbing the hair or groin, choking, or poking the eyes. Open-handed slaps, trips, and forearm shivers are legal, and you can grip the mawashi or any bodypart that isn't the groin or neck (you can shove the neck with an open hand).

An important thing in ozumo is that there are no weight classes. That means that you get some big boys in the ring, especially in the last few decades. A normal-sized top-division wrestler weighs around 300 lbs, and is usually around 6 ft. tall. There are a few small firecrackers, like Enho and Ishiura, but "small" in this case means 5'8" and 250 lbs. The big boys are 6'+ and weigh over 400lbs.

Rankings and the banzuke

Rank is everything in sumo. There's a brutally Darwinian system of promotion and relegation: if you post more wins than losses in a tournament, your rank goes up. More losses than wins, your rank goes down. Due to the highly-regimented life in the sumo association, higher ranks are not only associated with more pay, but with greater privileges and freedom in the sumo lifestyle. The highest ranks, ozeki and yokozuna, have special requirements for promotion, and wrestlers at those ranks have some protection from demotion, as well as facing specal scrutiny of their personal behavior and fighting style.

Ranks are recorded on a document called a banzuke, which is a literal piece of paper with wrestlers' names on a chart in a sumo-specific calligraphy. A wrestler's rank is often referred to as his "position on the banzuke". Each new banzuke is released 2 weeks before the upcoming tournament, and sort of marks the beginning of the sumo season for that tournament. Copies of the banzuke are a popular collector's item.



But where do I watch the large men?

If you're not in Japan there are basically 3 options:

1) Official NHK broadcast streams/recordings
2) Bootleg streams that are often more comprehensive but harder to find (because they get shut down)
3) Youtube compilations that upload within a few hours of action

Option 3 is the best choice for starting out, since you don't have to stay up late (if you're an American) or watch during work hours (if you're in Europe). Everyone has their favorite channel, but right now I'd say there are 3 big ones:

Jason's All-Sumo Channel - This is the best for true newbies. Jason is a dorky but charming American in Japan who loves sumo, and who provides his own commentary and explains the rules and personalities very well. He usually only covers the last few bouts of the day, but those are high-rankers who it's good to learn, and you get to watch all the pre-bout action that is very fun.

Kintamayama - A venerable online sumo legend, Kinta offers an aggressively-edited daily compliation of all the top-division bouts along with occasional lower-division highlights. Often has pithy and hilarious captions on the bouts. Basically the only way to watch daily sumo in less than 20 minutes. My personal go-to.

Natto Sumo - Relatively new on the scene, Natto's compliations are a bit longer than Kinta's (he doesn't edit out long pauses when the wrestlers are just leaning on each other, for example), and he includes ridiculously comprehensive stats as a bout is about to start. Has a bad habit of trying to monetize in-platform and getting shut down (the other guys just have like PayPal tip jars).

Hopefully posters in the thread can give people the heads-up for good streams during the tournaments.



Important wrestlers

Because the top division only has 42 dudes you can get a real sense for their individual styles and personalities, which is one of the most fun parts of sumo. Below is a list of a few important rikishi. Note: wrestlers adopt a ring name, or shikona, when they enter sumo. Occasionally a wrestler will change their ring name, usually either to commemorate a career benchmark, or to break a streak of bad luck. There are various ring-naming conventions in the different stables, usually to honor the stablemaster. That's why there are a bunch of Kotos and Chiyos running around. Shikona usually have some meaning, referencing mountains and wind and power and stuff.

Hakuho - the greatest rikishi of all time, hands down, no contest. He's at the very brink of retirement, and has had quite a few injuries building up over the last few years. I recommend watching compilations of his bouts, or just any tournament from like 2018 or earlier to get a pretty good sense of the utter perfection of sumo wrestling that everyone else is trying to imitate. A Mongolian, he has annoyed the hell out of the stodgy old men who run sumo for almost 15 years. Basically we all love him.

Terunofuji - Another Mongolian, Teru suffered serious health problems in 2017, was demoted to the second-bottom division, and fought his way back up to the ozeki rank. An absolute beast of a man, 6'3", over 400 lbs, affectionately known as the Kaiju. Also basically universally beloved.

Takakeisho - A Japanese ozeki notable for being nearly spherical, and also for reaching the second-highest rank solely on the strength of an unbeatable pushing game. Some people don't like that he can't grapple, but to hell with them.

Tochinoshin - A Georgian (the country) powerhouse, Tochi also had an injury -> demotion -> return to rank story that capped at ozeki. Known for lifting 300 lb dudes up and setting them outside the ring. His knees are entirely constructed of athletic bandages and hope. Probably soon to retire.

Endo - The great Japanese also-ran. Once heralded as the next great Japanese wrestler, he's struggled with injury and underperformance. Has tournaments where he seems brilliant, but it's risky to love him. Considered the most handsome top-division guy, he has lots of female fans.

Enho - A tiny wrestler with insane technique, Enho weighs just over 200 lbs and is only 5'6". A phenom when he debuted, he might have been figured out by now. We still love him.

Aoiyama - A Bulgarian master of pushing and thrusting renowned for having the best rack in sumo. Has a small but mental fanbase in this thread.

Asanoyama - Ozeki who got caught flouting COVID rules by going to a hostess bar. He's being sidelined for 6 tournaments and will drop out of the salaried ranks. Good sumo when he's in shape, but apparently a moron.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VtUfdZb0grw#t=300s

Other important wrestlers to watch (I could write bios for almost everyone but that gets excessive).

Takayasu - Hairy fan favorite
Wakatakakage - Up-and-coming
Hoshoryu - Nephew of a great former yokozuna
Tobizaru - Chaotic and fun
Ichinojo - Brick shithouse
Ura - Another beloved injury/recovery story
Kaisei - The nicest guy in sumo

When you're starting out it's hard to tell all the massive men in diapers apart. The color of the mawashi can help, and certain guys are easy (Takayasu's hairy back, Chiyotairyu's sideburns). Eventually you'll be able to tell them apart, but no one can remember what Shimanoumi or Hidenoumi look like. Don't sweat it.

More sumo resources

In addition to watching the tournaments, there's lots of good sumo content and information to be enjoyed. First off, read the Wikipedia page. Seriously, it's good. The glossary of sumo terms is also incredibly useful. Beyond that, see below:

Tachiai Blog - Great day-by-day coverage during tournaments, and good analysis in between. Pretty fun sports writing.

Grand Sumo Breakdown - A podcast by 4 American sumo fans, they do 3 episodes per tournament (preview, midway, recap), as well as banzuke predictions and bonus episodes on specific topics. I always listen.

Sumo DB - An obsessively-compiled repository of sumo stats in English. Crucial reference source.

Sumo Forum - As full of pedantic nerd poo poo as you can expect from a niche web forum, it's also a good source for sumo news translated into English. I've never really read it but I know a few people here check in.

Chris Sumo - Good Youtube channel on sumo news and deep-dives into wrestler storylines. People say he can get pretentious, but I like him a lot.

@sumofollower on Twitter - Really good at getting sumo news out in English quickly.

Martytoof posted:

I’m going to call out two more podcasts that you might want to add to the OP:

Sumo Mainichi: https://sumomainichi.podbean.com/

Delightful podcast run by Dave and Amy from Australia. My favourite of all the Sumo pods just because of the personalities involved. Typically produce banzuke and pre-basho episodes, as well as a good 30-50 minute episode every day of the tournament. The charm can’t be overstated, this is easily my favourite sumo podcast and often threatens some others for “favourite podcast” title overall. The banzuke episode never fails to remind me that SUMO’S A COMIN’!

Sumo Kaboom: https://sumokaboom.fireside.fm/

Another lighthearted pod run by two sisters from Texas. Laurie and Leslie typically do a group recap episode every three or four days of the tournament, but they also run content non-stop between tournaments. They’ve snagged some pretty impressive guests (John Gunning, Konishiki) for live interviews, and they do theme episodes discussing various aspects of Sumo or things sumo-adjacent.

I know there are also Discord servers and the like but I've never really hosed with those. Chime in with resources and I'll add them to the OP!



Sumo history and nerd poo poo

Sumo has very ancient origins in Shinto spiritual practice. Shades of that tradition are present in the pre-bout rituals of salt-throwing (to purify the ring) and stomping (to frighten off unfriendly spirits). The sport waxed and waned in popularity and importance, usually in association with the importance of the emperor, since it ended up becoming something of a court spectacle. The history of the Japanese emperor is a whole other story.

Modern sumo began to take shape in the late 17th century, when it was organized into a sanctioned sport after having been banned as a public nuisance. In the late 18th century a number of renowned wrestlers emerged, including the first yokozuna, and the overall modern structure of ranks and stables etc. was essentially established.

In 1927 the competing Osaka and Tokyo sumo associations merged, and then (after being briefly banned following WWII) the truly modern form of sumo was established in 1958, with 15 day tournaments, 6 tournaments per year, and basically all of the current rules. Almost all sumo records are reckoned from 1958 for this reason.

An interesting note about sumo is that its current status as a bedrock symbol of Japanese culture is largely due to the interest of two emperors, Meiji in the late 19th century and Showa in the 20th. Meiji supported sumo during a period when Western culture was ascendent in Japan, and saved it from being discarded as old-fashioned. Showa loved sumo (he established the Emperor's Cup, originally the Prince Regent's Cup), and his support for it after WWII really helped solidify it as emblematic of Japanese nationhood in an era where the militaristic nationalism of the imperial period was no longer viable.

As a result of all of this intermixing of culture, nationalism, and sport, sumo occupies an unusual and sometimes uncomfortable position as both a modern sporting association and also a living piece of cultural heritage. The ramifications of these tensions are nearly as interesting as the huge men themselves, and make for quite a bit of conversational grist between tournaments. Hmu in the thread if you wanna go to town on this.

Hakkeyoi!

Kenning fucked around with this message at 20:01 on Jun 21, 2021

Kenning
Jan 10, 2009

I really want to post goatse. I wish I had 10bux






Fantasy Sumo

We have a fantasy sumo tournament alongside every sumo tournament. In short, you pick wrestlers for your team, and get points for their performance, just like any other sport. Fantasy is a great way to get to know more wrestlers, especially guys lower down on the banzuke, and it makes it so even bouts that have no impact on the yusho race are still exciting.

Drafting

You'll have 5 wrestlers on your team, each from a different rank set:

1 from the yokozuna/ozeki ranks
1 from the sekiwake/komusubi ranks
1 from maegashira 1-5
1 from maegashira 6-10
1 from maegashira 11+

Multiple people can have the same wrestler, but there are limits to keep it interesting. Therefore, when submitting your picks, choose 3 guys from each set. An example draft from a previous tournament:

Y/O: Terunofuji / Asanoyama / Takakeisho
S/K: Takayasu / Daiesho / Takanosho
M1-M5: Wakatakakage / Hokutofuji / Meisei
M6-M10: Tsurugisho / Tamawashi / Ichinojo
M11+: Kotonowaka / Chiyoshoma / Kaisei

We do a snake draft and have a running draft wire, but that's not too important for players to keep track of. Wrestlers can also be traded during the first week.

Scoring

Points will be granted in the following ways:

1 pt. for each win
5 pts. for the championship or yusho
3 pts for the runner-up, or jun-yusho
3 pts for a special prize, or sansho
2 pts for a gold star victory, or kinboshi
1 pt. for a winning record, or kachi-koshi
-.5 pt. for a losing record, or make-koshi
-.5 pt. for your second trade
-1 pt. for every trade beyond the first 2

There are a couple of special rules in scoring. You get the make-koshi penalty for a wrestler even if you traded them away. You only get the kachi-koshi score from a wrestler who is in your stable at the end of the tournament. You only get the kinboshi score from a wrestler if they scored the kinboshi while they were in your stable AND if you still have them at the end of the tournament. The jun-yusho points will not be awarded if 3 or more wrestlers are tied for second place in terms of their record.

Here are the tie-breakers, in order:

Yusho
Jun-yusho
Total Sansho
Total Kinboshi
Total kachi-koshi
Fewest trades

Trading

In case of injury or plain underperformance, wrestlers can be traded out during the first week. No trades are accepted after middle Sunday, or nakabi. Players can trade once per day. The wrestlers must belong to the same rank set, and the new wrestler needs to be available (i.e. not held by too many other players already). Conflicts are resolved by postion on the draft wire, and trading places you at the bottom of the wire. Trades must be submitted before the top-division bouts start that day.

The Goonzuke

Based on their performance, players in Fantasy get ranked on the Goonzuke, which is our own banzuke. See the OP for current rankings.

Marching Powder
Mar 8, 2008



insanely good op. makes what seems like a pretty inscrutable sport easily understood.

you misspelled AOIYAMA

Ice Phisherman
Apr 12, 2007

Swimming upstream
into the sunset





Excellent OP. Thanks for the effort.

I want to say that if you're new to sumo like I am it's actually pretty fun. There's an immediacy to the sport where you don't really need to know anything about it to understand it because the rules are so simple. Two men try to push each other out of the ring or to the ground. That's it. That's all. If you can understand that you understand 90% of sumo so the buy in for people who may not have a lot of time or attention is super low. And if you catch the Grand Sumo Highlights you can watch all the matches of a day in half an hour which is pretty drat short if you normally watch sports that take multiple hours.

I'll also say that after you start getting to know the rikishi (wrestlers) it's fun to follow them. The names might sound odd to you at first but eventually you'll get used to them and find your favorites. You don't have an entire team or even their all-stars to remember. Just individuals which really helped me as someone who normally doesn't watch sports.

Also even though he's not the greatest I really like Kaisei because he's super nice and I appreciate that.

bessantj
Jul 27, 2004




Yes, posting in the shiny, new fabulous fat fellas fighting fred!

Great OP.

So hyped to see Wakatakakage in the san'yaku ranks he has put in all the effort in the world. Also looking forward to seeing what Ura can do in the top division.

Marching Powder
Mar 8, 2008



Also I'd have called the thread fat slaps, fat stacks,. But yours is more descriptive.

Kenning
Jan 10, 2009

I really want to post goatse. I wish I had 10bux




Ice Phisherman posted:

Excellent OP. Thanks for the effort.

Also even though he's not the greatest I really like Kaisei because he's super nice and I appreciate that.

Glad y'all like it! And yeah, Kaisei is one of my favorites for that reason too.

Marching Powder posted:

Also I'd have called the thread fat slaps, fat stacks,. But yours is more descriptive.

Honestly the thread subtitle was easily the hardest part of this whole thing.

Lid
Feb 18, 2005

Cabana's legal advice?
I'm bourgeoisie.
I... hit the shitty
firemans carry knee.





thread should just be a thirst trap dedicated to alternating pictures of Chiyonofuji and Chiyoshoma without comment

ilmucche
Mar 16, 2016

Someone had to do it.

What's chiyomaru up to these days? Sleeping somewhere? Waking up sleeping wrestlers?

I will of course be cheering for (but probably not picking) half-man half-duct tape tochinoknee

bessantj
Jul 27, 2004




ilmucche posted:

I will of course be cheering for (but probably not picking) half-man half-duct tape tochinoknee

Last time he was this far down the banzuke he bounced back with a 10-5 so it might be worth a shout even with his dusty knees.

Chinook
Apr 11, 2006

...into the far North we shall take you.



ilmucche posted:

What's chiyomaru up to these days? Sleeping somewhere? Waking up sleeping wrestlers?

I will of course be cheering for (but probably not picking) half-man half-duct tape tochinoknee

Chiyomaru worked his way back up to makuuchi last basho, and he’s still hanging around! I’m glad.

As far as his other antics I have no idea but I really want to know

Martytoof
Feb 25, 2003

 
 


I’m going to call out two more podcasts that you might want to add to the OP:

Sumo Mainichi: https://sumomainichi.podbean.com/

Delightful podcast run by Dave and Amy from Australia. My favourite of all the Sumo pods just because of the personalities involved. Typically produce banzuke and pre-basho episodes, as well as a good 30-50 minute episode every day of the tournament. The charm can’t be overstated, this is easily my favourite sumo podcast and often threatens some others for “favourite podcast” title overall. The banzuke episode never fails to remind me that SUMO’S A COMIN’!



Sumo Kaboom: https://sumokaboom.fireside.fm/

Another lighthearted pod run by two sisters from Texas. Laurie and Leslie typically do a group recap episode every three or four days of the tournament, but they also run content non-stop between tournaments. They’ve snagged some pretty impressive guests (John Gunning, Konishiki) for live interviews, and they do theme episodes discussing various aspects of Sumo or things sumo-adjacent.

Martytoof fucked around with this message at 11:16 on Jun 21, 2021

bessantj
Jul 27, 2004




As we probably saw coming

https://twitter.com/SumoFollower/status/1406875813878943744

In 16 years he missed only 14 bouts. Amazing.

bessantj fucked around with this message at 11:27 on Jun 21, 2021

Beeswax
Dec 29, 2005



Grimey Drawer

Great OP, Kenning. Really looking forward to the next basho. Also: AOI, and I cannot emphasise this enough, YAMA

Beeswax fucked around with this message at 11:45 on Jun 21, 2021

Communist Thoughts
Jan 7, 2008

0.000% of Communism has been built.
Evil, child-murdering billionaires still rule the world with a shit eating grin.

All he has managed to do is make himself *sad*.

Instead of building communism, he now builds a precise model of this grotesque, duplicitous world.





How do I get involved in the sumo fantasy team stuff? I've never done a fantasy team but I want those tags

scripterror
Sep 6, 2011



Nap Ghost

I have serious doubts that Hakuho can make it through a full two-week slate of matches with the last reported condition of his knees, though I'd love to be proven wrong. Here's hoping the GOAT goes out on a high note.

Marching Powder
Mar 8, 2008



Communist Thoughts posted:

How do I get involved in the sumo fantasy team stuff? I've never done a fantasy team but I want those tags

A call will go out a week before the basho starts and people will just post them in the thread. Post yours and at the end you'll be on the goonzuke.

whats for dinner
Sep 25, 2006

IT TURN OUT METAL FOR DINNER!



nth-ing the love for the OP, Kenning! Seriously informative and easy to read.

scripterror posted:

I have serious doubts that Hakuho can make it through a full two-week slate of matches with the last reported condition of his knees, though I'd love to be proven wrong. Here's hoping the GOAT goes out on a high note.

He's really the wildcard in the Terunofuji/Takakeisho yokozuna runs, right? If he survives to the end he could very easily derail one or the other. He also keeps most of the other upper-maegashira and san'yaku out of contention early on if he just lays waste to them.

Vargatron
Apr 19, 2008

MRAZZLE DAZZLE




bessantj posted:

As we probably saw coming

https://twitter.com/SumoFollower/status/1406875813878943744

In 16 years he missed only 14 bouts. Amazing.

My congrats to him on an excellent career.

pseudodragon
Jun 16, 2007




Great OP! Thanks for the effort!

Kenning posted:


Asanoyama - Ozeki who got caught flouting COVID rules by going to a hostess bar. He's being sidelined for 6 months and will drop out of the salaried ranks. Good sumo when he's in shape, but apparently a moron.

Quick correction on dumbass Asanoyama. He’s out for 6 tourneys or 12 months depending on which word you want to change (or just say until July 2022 so it doesn’t need updating).

Martytoof
Feb 25, 2003

 
 


Apropos of nothing, I watched Sumo-do at the Toronto Japanese Film Festival.

A Japanese film from 2020 that followed Goeido and Ryuuden during a tournament, and I think some other bits of flavour. I thought it was really neat to see a little more behind the scenes stuff than you normally do, and it was fun to watch rikishi being human, but ultimately I thought the movie was a little wandering and I felt like I was checking my watch about 3/4 of the way through. I’d still give it a recommendation if you’re a die hard sumo fan because .. well hey, it’s sumo content.

I’d completely forgotten Goeido once he retired so it was kind of neat to see him again. The bits with Ryuuden and his wife were cute.

So I dunno, if you get the chance and have an hour and change to spare, go for it.


Also, just realized I’ve been skimming the new thread title incorrectly. I thought it said “huge men, massive tits” and I’m not sure it would have been incorrect.

pseudodragon
Jun 16, 2007




Martytoof posted:

The bits with Ryuuden and his wife were cute.

This probably plays differently now than it did when the film was released (or even like 3 months ago).

Lunsku
May 20, 2006



bessantj posted:

As we probably saw coming

https://twitter.com/SumoFollower/status/1406875813878943744

In 16 years he missed only 14 bouts. Amazing.

Worth noting that the 14 missed bouts are the last two bashos of this year. As far as I can see, Ikioi made every bout from May 2005 until his final active basho this January. In a sport like this, that is some resilience. Going by Sumoforum discussion, I understood that the reason he held for the last two bashos might have been that his elder stock, or kabu, was still on loan to ex-Bushuyama, who indeed was loaning it from May 2020 to this past May, when he bought Matsuchiyama kabu from ex-Banryuyama, who had that stock since 1987, and Ikioi got his kabu back and could assume it.

Martytoof
Feb 25, 2003

 
 


pseudodragon posted:

This probably plays differently now than it did when the film was released (or even like 3 months ago).

lol yes I was just thinking that when watching it. Was the whole affair thing confirmed or is that still speculation? I can't keep my sumo scandals straight anymore. Last I remember reading he was forcing someone to have an abortion or something?

Takuan
May 6, 2007



I keep saying "One of these days, I'm gonna try getting in to sumo."

This is it. This is the day. I'm gonna try my best to follow this basho.

Kenning
Jan 10, 2009

I really want to post goatse. I wish I had 10bux




Welcome to the thread! Sumo is pretty easy to follow tbh. You're very likely to recognize the yusho race contenders early on, and even if you don't know who's fighting whom the action is great fun. There's a lot of terminology to learn, but we're all super happy to explain anything if you have questions. Also, consider joining Fantasy, it helps follow along for sure, even if you're just picking random dudes.

pseudodragon posted:

Great OP! Thanks for the effort!

Quick correction on dumbass Asanoyama. He’s out for 6 tourneys or 12 months depending on which word you want to change (or just say until July 2022 so it doesn’t need updating).

Good catch, thanks. That's what I get for posting an effort thread after midnight.

Communist Thoughts posted:

How do I get involved in the sumo fantasy team stuff? I've never done a fantasy team but I want those tags

I'll be putting out the call for people's drafts next week. I'll post a template, just fill it in with your choices and then you're off to the races. As for the tag, you can add it to your avatar if you buy a new one, but I think Brut and Mekchu, our resident mods, have queued up freebies for new players in the past.

Martytoof posted:

Sumo podcasts

Excellent stuff, I added it to the OP. Thanks!

Martytoof posted:

Also, just realized I’ve been skimming the new thread title incorrectly. I thought it said “huge men, massive tits” and I’m not sure it would have been incorrect.

I did that on purpose

Kenning fucked around with this message at 16:54 on Jun 21, 2021

MyChemicalImbalance
Sep 15, 2007

Keep on smilin'





scripterror posted:

I have serious doubts that Hakuho can make it through a full two-week slate of matches with the last reported condition of his knees, though I'd love to be proven wrong. Here's hoping the GOAT goes out on a high note.

I'm in this boat too, I've only recently gotten into sumo and would love to witness one last proper Hakuho performance before he sails off

Great OP! can also vouch for how much enjoyment the fantasy adds, my first was this Basho past and despite picking Asanoyama I had a Very Good time.

bessantj
Jul 27, 2004




Lunsku posted:

Worth noting that the 14 missed bouts are the last two bashos of this year. As far as I can see, Ikioi made every bout from May 2005 until his final active basho this January. In a sport like this, that is some resilience.

It is a remarkable run that you're unlikely to see often. Will be interesting to see if this ethic manages to rub off onto any of his students.

pseudodragon
Jun 16, 2007




Martytoof posted:

lol yes I was just thinking that when watching it. Was the whole affair thing confirmed or is that still speculation? I can't keep my sumo scandals straight anymore. Last I remember reading he was forcing someone to have an abortion or something?

Don't know how Japanese slander/libel laws work, but it was in actual newspapers and I don't recall seeing anything about retractions or lawsuits.

I think the story was he had a long term affair, mistress gets pregnant, he convinced her to get an abortion, they break up and things get messy.

Martytoof
Feb 25, 2003

 
 


Were you say BOO or BOO-den?

Halloween Jack
Sep 11, 2003

Let your word be "Yes, Yes" or "No, No"; anything more than this comes from the evil one.




ilmucche posted:

What's chiyomaru up to these days? Sleeping somewhere? Waking up sleeping wrestlers?
I hear he's developing his own style of sumo based on the fighting techniques of certain animals (robins, hedgehogs, blowfish, chain chomps) to become even more perfectly round.

Hirayuki
Mar 28, 2010




I remember very well what Hidenoumi looks like because he is one ugly son of a bitch. Can't believe he's Tobizaru's big brother (who got the Flying Monkey into sumo).

Southpaugh
May 26, 2007

Smokey Bacon




I love sumo.

Martytoof
Feb 25, 2003

 
 


Hidenoumi just looks like an asian Dan Aykroyd

Marching Powder
Mar 8, 2008



Martytoof posted:

I’m going to call out two more podcasts that you might want to add to the OP:

Sumo Mainichi: https://sumomainichi.podbean.com/

Delightful podcast run by Dave and Amy from Australia. My favourite of all the Sumo pods just because of the personalities involved. Typically produce banzuke and pre-basho episodes, as well as a good 30-50 minute episode every day of the tournament. The charm can’t be overstated, this is easily my favourite sumo podcast and often threatens some others for “favourite podcast” title overall. The banzuke episode never fails to remind me that SUMO’S A COMIN’!



Sumo Kaboom: https://sumokaboom.fireside.fm/

Another lighthearted pod run by two sisters from Texas. Laurie and Leslie typically do a group recap episode every three or four days of the tournament, but they also run content non-stop between tournaments. They’ve snagged some pretty impressive guests (John Gunning, Konishiki) for live interviews, and they do theme episodes discussing various aspects of Sumo or things sumo-adjacent.

i don't mean this to sound like 'women don't like punch sports' or anything BUT is it just me or do more women than usual take an interest in sumo? when i started following sumo my girlfriend sat down with me unprompted and started getting into it. she usually only watches the last day in total but always makes me tell her when the upper maegashira / sanyaku fights are on (and enho, whenever he's fighting, for obvious reasons).

Communist Thoughts
Jan 7, 2008

0.000% of Communism has been built.
Evil, child-murdering billionaires still rule the world with a shit eating grin.

All he has managed to do is make himself *sad*.

Instead of building communism, he now builds a precise model of this grotesque, duplicitous world.





Marching Powder posted:

i don't mean this to sound like 'women don't like punch sports' or anything BUT is it just me or do more women than usual take an interest in sumo? when i started following sumo my girlfriend sat down with me unprompted and started getting into it. she usually only watches the last day in total but always makes me tell her when the upper maegashira / sanyaku fights are on (and enho, whenever he's fighting, for obvious reasons).

this happened to us as well and my crackpot theory involves the facts the wrestlers initially dont look threatening and they are courteous outside the ring

Shiroc
May 16, 2009



As a woman who doesn't like other punch sports, I do like how the violence is not the point of sumo. You're not trying to hurt the other person in the same way as something like boxing. Obviously people still get hurt badly but the majority of it is just pushing and grappling versus punching a guy as hard as you can as much as you can.

The culture around it, at least as presented to the US viewer, is also a lot less bro-y macho poo poo. There is ceremony, the wrestlers are to treat each other with respect, there are expectations of modesty and dignity. The scandals that come out of course involve how at least some of the wrestlers are still big macho idiots who treat people like poo poo but it feels strongly counterbalanced by guys who Takayasu who just seem like delights outside the dohyo.

Kenning
Jan 10, 2009

I really want to post goatse. I wish I had 10bux




e: ^^^ Yeah, my thoughts exactly.

Communist Thoughts posted:

this happened to us as well and my crackpot theory involves the facts the wrestlers initially dont look threatening and they are courteous outside the ring

That's honestly a pretty interesting theory I'd never thought about before. While sumo certainly has issues with masculine hierarchy and dominance, the rikishi aren't constantly dripping with toxic masculinity. I know not every boxer or MMA fighter is a roided out madman, but the performative aggression is way more in your face in those sports.

Plus, wrestlers like Chiyomaru, Ura, and ex-Musashimaru are genuinely adorable sweethearts the instant they leave the ring. I know that when I was throwing sumo parties back in 2017 all of the women who learned a bit about sumo were instant Ura fans, and I can't really blame them. Again, I'm sure there are sweethearts in other combat sports, but they don't have the round friendly faces of our favorite teddybears.

I mean seriously:

Kenning fucked around with this message at 23:26 on Jun 21, 2021

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Teddybear
May 16, 2009

Look! A teddybear doll!
It's soooo cute!



Kenning posted:

but they don't have the round friendly faces of our favorite teddybears.

Oh, so THAT'S why I've been following this so much. I'm among my people!

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