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Rutibex
Sep 9, 2001

Official Forums Path of Exile Expert


Welcome fellow astral traveler! The winds of magic has blown you towards this thread because it is finally time for you to learn the true secrets of reality. The fates have judged you ready, or you would not be here. It is time for you to become a true Wizard!



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWQQo9lLq-8


There are many secrets to learn on your path of cosmic power. Do you think the physical world is all that it seems? Not quite! This should get you started apprentice:

Alchemy
The art of transmutation of matter, an alchemist can break down and transmute different forms of matter. He does this not for material gain, but to learn the true secrets of reality. The Alchemist is also concerned with the creation of the famed Philosopher Stone Of course material gain may be necessary along the way! It doesn't hurt to learn how to transmute lead to gold. I have included a primer on Alchemy, the alchemical notes of Issac Newton, and an MIT web course on Organic Chemistry


https://www.amazon.ca/Real-Alchemy-Primer-Practical/dp/0892541504/
https://webapp1.dlib.indiana.edu/newton/
https://ocw.mit.edu/courses/chemistry/5-12-organic-chemistry-i-spring-2003/

Numerology and Geomancy

A high magic that allows a wizard to manipulate numbers and geometric shapes for a variety of purposes. Numbers can be use to predict the future, and clever use of geometric patterns can be used for all sorts of other magics like summoning and binding! Here are some beginners guides as well as some more advanced rituals:
https://www.amazon.ca/Numerology-Divine-Triangle-Faith-Javane/dp/0914918109/
https://www.amazon.com/Numerology-Complete-Understanding-Numbers-Destiny/dp/039952732X/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UkZqFtYtqaI

General Divination


Divination allows a Wizard to see into the future, or to see into the personality of others or even himself! There are a variety of tools used for divination the most common being decks of cards, scrying crystals, runes, pendulums, bibliomancy, and dice. I've included links to get you started with these tools!
https://www.earthcrystals.com.au/crystal-scrying-receive-divine-messages-crystals/
https://www.thetarotguide.com/the-tarot-guide
https://www.norsetradesman.com/blogs/news/how-to-read-runes
https://humanparts.medium.com/the-art-of-penduluming-166b66e65978
https://medium.com/mystic-minds/how-to-perform-bibliomancy-3af08ab28b4d
https://www.fairychamber.com/blog/divination-with-dice

General Spellcasting

This is the meat an potatoes of being a Wizard right? You want to cast some spells? Well there are lots of spells out there to choose from! It really depends what you are trying to accomplish. There is a lot of material out there for wicca spells to increase your luck and such but thats not what we are trying to do we are real wizards. As such I included some links to classic grimoires from ancient wizards for you to study!
https://www.amazon.com/Black-Pullet-Hen-Golden-Eggs/dp/1506166407/
https://www.amazon.com/Grand-Grimoire-Red-Dragon/dp/1506186017/
https://www.amazon.com/Sworn-Book-Honorius-Iuratus-Honorii/dp/0892542152/
https://www.amazon.com/Greek-Magical-Papyri-Translation-Including/dp/0226044475/
https://www.amazon.com/Golden-Dawn-Original-Teachings-Ceremonies/dp/0738743992/
https://www.amazon.com/Book-Abramelin-Translation-Revised-Expanded/dp/0892542144/

Low Level Jewish Magic/Demon & Angel Summoning

Now this is the real poo poo! Do you want to bind Asmodeus and other D&D monsters to your will? Than this is the magic for you! Christian/Jewish traditions have lots of powerful magic spells, don't let them tell you that they don't. You might think this is cleric magic, but not at all. These spells are all appropriate for a wizard. Bind Away!
https://www.amazon.com/Three-Magical-Books-Solomon-Testament/dp/194677409X/
https://www.amazon.com/Sixth-Seventh-Books-Moses/dp/089254130X/

High Level Jewish Magic/Kabbalah

This is very high level magic and it is not recommended for low level wizards. This system allows you to realize the true reality of the universe and travel the higher planes! Be careful God is up there and he might want to talk to you For this level of magic it is recommended you read the Torah for 10 years and then study The Zohar for the rest of your life. It should be forever because you will ascend to oneness with the universe and godhood, maybe?
https://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/the-tanakh-full-text
https://www.amazon.com/Zohar-Unabridged-English-Translation-Commentary/dp/1571892397/

please use this thread for posting about your progress in becoming a wizard and any questions you might have so that the rest of the wizard community can help you on your magical path!

Rutibex fucked around with this message at 17:58 on Jun 24, 2021

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Genesplicer
Oct 19, 2002

If anyone wants me, I'll be in the Angry Dome!

Total Clam

If I do this, can I teach Alchemy along with chemistry in my science class? That'd be great!

Scald
May 5, 2008
Probation
Can't post for 10559 days!


Divination is something of a specialty of mine, but it's really not hard to get into. Look into the I-Ching, but I'll warn you that there's more than one way to perform the ritual. There's an easy way, where you just use coins and get a reading, and that works. There's another ritual, where you start with 50 sticks, take one away, and then remove 4 at a time until you've built your shape. I did that one once, after having found true north with my nautical compass, set-up my altar, and lit incense. I was also smoking meth. I got REALLY into the ritual, and I found that my hands started to dance in the discarded pile of sticks, creating new shapes that weren't in the book, and when I made the last one, I felt something...

I tried to interpret the runes and the reading on my own, and with the book, but they both left me feeling unresolved. The day after the ritual was Good Friday, and I was broke, so I went to the Mustard Seed for dinner. I wound up getting there an hour earlier, so I sat at a table next to a couple of elderly Asian men. After a little while< I showed one of them a drawing I had made out of the discard rune -- he recognized it for what it was, and asked me what the reading had been. He then looked on his phone at some sites in Chinese, and ultimately produced a translation of the meaning.

There was a lot in it, but the line that stuck out to me was "the young fox with the wet tail will know only grief". I immediately thought of my sister, and so I went home, and I wrote her a letter, and then asked my little brother for her address. He told me that her child had just died, the night before, and I still to this day wonder if I had something to do with it.

Rutibex
Sep 9, 2001

Official Forums Path of Exile Expert


Genesplicer posted:

If I do this, can I teach Alchemy along with chemistry in my science class? That'd be great!

yes that would be encouraged. the students must wear wizard hats of course, as they are now apprentices

Mooey Cow
Jan 27, 2018



Pillbug

For 20 years I studied the great mysteries and became a mighty wizard, but did it help me one iota towards my true goal, to open this goddamn jar of pickles? No. It must have sealed by a more powerful wizard.

Rutibex
Sep 9, 2001

Official Forums Path of Exile Expert


Scald posted:

Divination is something of a specialty of mine, but it's really not hard to get into. Look into the I-Ching, but I'll warn you that there's more than one way to perform the ritual. There's an easy way, where you just use coins and get a reading, and that works. There's another ritual, where you start with 50 sticks, take one away, and then remove 4 at a time until you've built your shape. I did that one once, after having found true north with my nautical compass, set-up my altar, and lit incense. I was also smoking meth. I got REALLY into the ritual, and I found that my hands started to dance in the discarded pile of sticks, creating new shapes that weren't in the book, and when I made the last one, I felt something...

I tried to interpret the runes and the reading on my own, and with the book, but they both left me feeling unresolved. The day after the ritual was Good Friday, and I was broke, so I went to the Mustard Seed for dinner. I wound up getting there an hour earlier, so I sat at a table next to a couple of elderly Asian men. After a little while< I showed one of them a drawing I had made out of the discard rune -- he recognized it for what it was, and asked me what the reading had been. He then looked on his phone at some sites in Chinese, and ultimately produced a translation of the meaning.

There was a lot in it, but the line that stuck out to me was "the young fox with the wet tail will know only grief". I immediately thought of my sister, and so I went home, and I wrote her a letter, and then asked my little brother for her address. He told me that her child had just died, the night before, and I still to this day wonder if I had something to do with it.

i should have mentioned I-Ching! yeah you can cheat and just do bibliomancy on the book but your really supposed to do the whole sticks thing for the true experience

Genesplicer
Oct 19, 2002

If anyone wants me, I'll be in the Angry Dome!

Total Clam

Rutibex posted:

yes that would be encouraged. the students must wear wizard hats of course, as they are now apprentices

I would so do that. Seriously. I actually do mention alchemy in class. When we study the history of chemistry, we look at alchemy and how it led to our current understanding in chemistry. I'd have the students wear wizard hats during this lesson, if we could do that.

Nefarious 2.0
Apr 22, 2008

Offense is overrated anyway.



if I wanted to learn how to be a wizard I'd ask the freakin wizard master, not da op

Rutibex
Sep 9, 2001

Official Forums Path of Exile Expert


Genesplicer posted:

I would so do that. Seriously. I actually do mention alchemy in class. When we study the history of chemistry, we look at alchemy and how it led to our current understanding in chemistry. I'd have the students wear wizard hats during this lesson, if we could do that.

you should try Iron/Copper Sulfate reaction. it was commonly used by alchemists in public demonstrations to prove their ability of "transmutation". like a stage magician:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmhD8BmEFIo

Zeluth
May 12, 2001



Open Sesame!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PuIc60zBQhQ

Blurry Gray Thing
Jun 3, 2009


Nefarious 2.0 posted:

if I wanted to learn how to be a wizard I'd ask the freakin wizard master, not da op

I think OP might be a Wizard Doctor.

Weka
May 5, 2019

And if you gaze long into an abyss, you will say `look, no ring.`

Genesplicer posted:

I would so do that. Seriously. I actually do mention alchemy in class. When we study the history of chemistry, we look at alchemy and how it led to our current understanding in chemistry. I'd have the students wear wizard hats during this lesson, if we could do that.

YOU could wear the hat.

Ror
Oct 21, 2010

Everything's purrfect!



what's with the hats?

Das Boo
Jun 9, 2011

There was a GHOST here. It's gone now.




Can I be a girl wizard or is this gender-locked on my skill tree?

Caesar Saladin
Aug 15, 2004



most of you will never be anything but a mere mage

SLICK GOKU BABY
Jun 12, 2001

Havin' a roni


All you got to do is stick a stick up your rear end and fart OP. You will become a very powerful wizard able to topple buildings in Miami with 1 taco.

Yaldabaoth
Oct 9, 2012


King Solomon was a hack because most of his so-called demons were just bastardizations of the babylonian gods.

Mooey Cow
Jan 27, 2018



Pillbug

Yaldabaoth is a false god trying to deceive ya'll, do not listen!

Rutibex
Sep 9, 2001

Official Forums Path of Exile Expert


Das Boo posted:

Can I be a girl wizard or is this gender-locked on my skill tree?

you can if you want, wizardry is not gender locked. a girl wizard isn't just a witch thats completely different!

Deptfordx
Dec 23, 2013



My advice is become an Evoker. That'a a proper blue collar job for a Wizard. Forget what your careers advisor told you about these fancy college specialisations. When you kick open a dungeon door and see a horde of Bugbears looking at you, then divination magic isn't going to cut it.

The world will always need Fireballs.

syntaxfunction
Oct 27, 2010


Where do Bards stand in the realm of wizardry? Cause Bards are the best and we all know it.

Rutibex
Sep 9, 2001

Official Forums Path of Exile Expert


syntaxfunction posted:

Where do Bards stand in the realm of wizardry? Cause Bards are the best and we all know it.

i mean thats fine if you want to dabble here and there, maybe read a spell scroll. but you will never achieve true wizardly power without focus

syntaxfunction
Oct 27, 2010


Rutibex posted:

i mean thats fine if you want to dabble here and there, maybe read a spell scroll. but you will never achieve true wizardly power without focus

I thought about this for a while.

Turns out I'm really okay with that.

DeadFatDuckFat
Oct 29, 2012

This avatar brought to you by the 'save our dead gay forums' foundation.


I am the Inquisition. So who here again has magical powers?

Rutibex
Sep 9, 2001

Official Forums Path of Exile Expert


DeadFatDuckFat posted:

I am the Inquisition. So who here again has magical powers?


*casts dimension door*

Uganda Loves Me
May 24, 2002




tl;dr

just lol if you can't harness the power of magic through your innate charisma

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

*flicks a lighter* behold my mastery of fire!

But seriously, fellow wizards, is a skeleton golem a construct or undead?!?

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

Deptfordx posted:

My advice is become an Evoker. That'a a proper blue collar job for a Wizard. Forget what your careers advisor told you about these fancy college specialisations. When you kick open a dungeon door and see a horde of Bugbears looking at you, then divination magic isn't going to cut it.

The world will always need Fireballs.

That's what they tell you in evoking 101 but then you just end up shooting firebolts at a giant cauldron 8 hours a day at a power station

DeadFatDuckFat
Oct 29, 2012

This avatar brought to you by the 'save our dead gay forums' foundation.


Rutibex posted:


*casts dimension door*


*Allocates a stake and enough tinder for Rutibex*

Rutibex
Sep 9, 2001

Official Forums Path of Exile Expert


Colonel Cancer posted:

*flicks a lighter* behold my mastery of fire!

But seriously, fellow wizards, is a skeleton golem a construct or undead?!?

hey now i didn't post anything about necromancy. this is a clean thread for upstanding wizards.
now if you want to create a golem there is some good jewish magic for that. i'm pretty sure they invented them!

https://www.amazon.com/Sefer-Yetzirah-Creation-Aryeh-Kaplan/dp/0877288550/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmobkcnsB28

there is also various alchemical procedures for creating homunculus. these are not exactly the same as golems (they are not as well behaved!) the formulas for making this are kinds of secret though. almost as hard to find as the formula for transmuting base metals to gold
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bx0gcLyoOwE

Mooey Cow
Jan 27, 2018



Pillbug

I have developed a formula for transmuting piss into poo but lol if you think I'll spill the beans to some low level spellcaster.

PookBear
Nov 1, 2008


Nobody exists on purpose, nobody belongs anywhere, everybody's going to die.


nuclear transmutation is basically alchemy

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004


here he comes
and he's gone again


Nap Ghost

i cast MAJICK MISSILE

Rutibex
Sep 9, 2001

Official Forums Path of Exile Expert


PookBear posted:

nuclear transmutation is basically alchemy

funny thing is alchemists were obsessed with transmuting elements because they were "atomists". they believed that every substance could be broken down into simpler parts and recombined to make more complex ones. they were essentially correct in their assumptions, its just their furnaces couldn't go up to 7.2 trillion degrees Fahrenheit

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

I'm a warlock lol you nerds

Internetjack
Sep 15, 2007

oh god how did this get here i am not good with computers


Top Cop

Why are wizard hats always pointy on top? I get the wide brim; it keeps the sun off your ears and back of your neck when you're wandering the countryside on a hot and sunny day. But why the cone?

low key sex master
May 27, 2004

The human face is, after all, nothing more nor less than a mask.


I want to do low level Jewish magic and summoning tia

William Bear
Oct 25, 2012

"That's what they all say!"


Rutibex posted:

Low Level Jewish Magic/Demon & Angel Summoning

Now this is the real poo poo! Do you want to bind Asmodeus and other D&D monsters to your will? Than this is the magic for you! Christian/Jewish traditions have lots of powerful magic spells, don't tell them you that they don't. You might think this is cleric magic, but not at all. These spells are all appropriate for a wizard. Bind Away!
https://www.amazon.com/Three-Magical-Books-Solomon-Testament/dp/194677409X/
https://www.amazon.com/Sixth-Seventh-Books-Moses/dp/089254130X/

High Level Jewish Magic/Kabbalah

This is very high level magic and it is not recommended for low level wizards. This system allows you to realize the true reality of the universe and travel the higher planes! Be careful God is up there and he might want to talk to you For this level of magic it is recommended you read the Torah for 10 years and then study The Zohar for the rest of your life. It should be forever because you will ascend to oneness with the universe and godhood, maybe?
https://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/the-tanakh-full-text
https://www.amazon.com/Zohar-Unabridged-English-Translation-Commentary/dp/1571892397/

please use this thread for posting about your progress in becoming a wizard and any questions you might have so that the rest of the wizard community can help you on your magical path!

There are two answers you'll typically get if you try to research where the stereotypical bearded wizard in a pointed hat comes from. One is from Norse myth, where Odin was described as a mysterious wanderer with a broad-brimmed hat and staff who performs magic.

The other explanation, and my preference, is from the enforced Jewish dress of the medieval period. In that time, Jews were required to wear pointed hats to identify themselves as Jews when they left their ghettos, and, of course they all had impressive beards, courtesy of Leviticus 19:27. Combine that with cultural perceptions that Jews were constantly studying mystical tomes, and the prominence of some Jews in the field of alchemy, and you get the modern wizard.


Pictured: 12th century German Jews/wizards

Mooey Cow
Jan 27, 2018



Pillbug

Internetjack posted:

Why are wizard hats always pointy on top? I get the wide brim; it keeps the sun off your ears and back of your neck when you're wandering the countryside on a hot and sunny day. But why the cone?

Obviously to make it easy to insert into your butt/lady butt, don't see what's confusing about this

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DeadFatDuckFat
Oct 29, 2012

This avatar brought to you by the 'save our dead gay forums' foundation.


Mooey Cow posted:

Obviously to make it easy to insert into your butt/lady butt, don't see what's confusing about this

Only the skilled wizards know this, which makes the question kind of embarrassing for internetjack tbh

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