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lenoon
Jan 7, 2010



I have just wasted several hours of my life watching the dressage and Im sure some goon can answer these questions:

1. What the gently caress?

2. Horse dancing but the humans win the medal? If I won a dancing competition but some parasite clinging onto my back got given some gold Id be thinking what the gently caress

3. My understanding of horses is that they think of ants and die, these ones are dancing to queen?

4. The gold medal winner is literally a chinless hapsburg and the British medal winner looks like the kind of aristocrat that just really thought mr hitler was a good chap, theres no question here, this is the people I associate with horses

5. Who is brushing these horses and are they happy with their lives

6. Why do the scores go to three decimal places, thats a score basically out of ten thousand

Thank you for your answers to these puzzling questions olympic goons

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Bip Roberts
Mar 29, 2005
One of those Mexican ladies was built like a full plate of mashed potatoes


They run a chromosomal test and the horse has to have a more branched family tree than the rider.

ten_twentyfour
Jan 24, 2008



Probably pretty easy to accomplish. Do they clone dressage horses? I know it's gotten big in Polo to keep cloning the best horses. There was even an Argentinian team that had a while team of clones.

Erghh
Sep 24, 2007
"Stuff"

lenoon posted:

I have just wasted several hours of my life watching the dressage and Im sure some goon can answer these questions:

1. What the gently caress?

2. Horse dancing but the humans win the medal? If I won a dancing competition but some parasite clinging onto my back got given some gold Id be thinking what the gently caress

3. My understanding of horses is that they think of ants and die, these ones are dancing to queen?

4. The gold medal winner is literally a chinless hapsburg and the British medal winner looks like the kind of aristocrat that just really thought mr hitler was a good chap, theres no question here, this is the people I associate with horses

5. Who is brushing these horses and are they happy with their lives

6. Why do the scores go to three decimal places, thats a score basically out of ten thousand

Thank you for your answers to these puzzling questions olympic goons


1. It's based on battlefield training where half-passes and sidesteps helped guys on horses hit each other better

2. yes, though some horses might get more breeding chances

3. afaik they're thinking of treats and not getting whacked/jabbed with a crop

4. horse people are terrible/crazy. sometimes have quality drugs though

5. grooms and/or pages. some are actually probably pretty happy cos they like horses :unsmith:

6. dressage scoring is insanity and not worth understanding

tldr: smoking weed and brushing, giving treats to horses would probably be a better sport

lenoon
Jan 7, 2010



Clone horses would at least make it an actual skill based thing rather than just having a better horse, the winner is surely the one who has the best horse? Randomise horses? Have all the horses cloned and trained by the same guy? Do it with wild horses?

Edit: thank you for the answers!

bvj191jgl7bBsqF5m
Apr 16, 2017

Í̝̰ ͓̯̖̫̹̯̤A҉m̺̩͝ ͇̬A̡̮̞̠͚͉̱̫ K̶e͓ǵ.̻̱̪͖̹̟̕


Do the horses have to be in coach on the flight over? Yowza.

Arrhythmia
Jul 22, 2011

keep on fightin'


Arrhythmia posted:

I checked out a stream of the dressage just to see what it's like and the the announcer immediately said "and this horse... he's just absolutely loving it. he's so strong and beautiful and true.... I just hope he never realizes that there's very little people watching him"

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010






lenoon posted:

Clone horses would at least make it an actual skill based thing rather than just having a better horse, the winner is surely the one who has the best horse?

Tbf it's not like they have to do anything hard in dressage. Most horses probably know how to trot

Vakal
May 11, 2008


I would loving love it if jousting was made a Olympic sport.

EvilHawk
Sep 15, 2009

LIVARPOOL!

Klopp's 13pts clear thanks to video ref


bvj191jgl7bBsqF5m posted:

Do the horses have to be in coach on the flight over? Yowza.

There's actually an interesting article by the BBC during the last Olympics on how they transport the animals:

https://www.bbc.com/sport/olympics/36898318.amp

Youth Decay
Aug 17, 2015

a little too tithonic
yeah I really do think


Alright lemme try and explain this since I am a horse weirdo

1. Dressage originated from military exercises. While they look silly now, the kind of precise control with timing, position and most importantly collection vs impulsion were huge in cavalry training. Broadly speaking, a collected gait is where they are all slow bunched up looking; the piaffe and passage are a super-collected trot. If you're in a crowded old timey battle formation you don't want the horse to go slow per se, but rather shorten its stride while maintaining the speed of the legs, which will allow it to change direction and speed up/slow down as necessary. An extended gait is where they lengthen stride and therefore cover more ground less time - when they go fast down the line and do the flicky toe thing that's an extended trot. Pirouettes ("turning on a dime" basically), half-pass (moving diagonally), tempis (changing the lead leg in the gait at every stride or every other stride), etc. are all military movements.
Of course this was all obsolete even in 1912 when the first Olympic dressage tests were held, but judging the precision involved had evolved into a sport. The rider does a lot of work that is intended to be subtle; take a look at their hands and heels and you'll see the rider signaling constantly. They use their weight, reins, and legs to get the horse to do the things; a good rider can earn high marks on a cheap pony, while a bad rider will get a low score even if they have the fanciest million-dollar horse in the world.
So yes, it is a weird-looking anachronistic sport, but it's been in the games for over 100 years and continues to grow as a sport so I doubt it's going anywhere anytime soon.

2. Human athletes get the medals, horses get a ribbon and a lot of treats. Horse and human are both being judged and human skill is what ultimately decides the event.

3. These horses are extremely well-trained and have been exposed to shows and events with loud music, crowds, and other scary things. Occasionally you'll still see a horse spook at something and that is a major deduction; too many of those and the horse and rider rmay be excused from the competition.

4. There are indeed a lot of rich people in equestrian and especially in dressage, though there are also riders who started out shoveling poo poo to afford lessons and moved up the ladder to get to the Olympics.
A New Yorker article from 2016 on British medallist Charlotte Dujardin who is a step or two below aristocrat. Article does not mention anything about Hitler though.

5. Grooms do. The horse's groom is named on the Olympic website along with the rider and typically they receive a portion of the prize money if the rider medals. While there is a major problem with underpaid stable workers at ordinary barns, at the Olympic level they generally get decent pay.

6. Each movement is scored out of 10 by a panel of judges, and these are weighted according to difficulty and then added to overall artistic scores and other mumbo jumbo to come up with the magic number. Lots of math involved so lots of decimals.

Socialized
Oct 27, 2010


All grooms, no brides?

bvj191jgl7bBsqF5m
Apr 16, 2017

Í̝̰ ͓̯̖̫̹̯̤A҉m̺̩͝ ͇̬A̡̮̞̠͚͉̱̫ K̶e͓ǵ.̻̱̪͖̹̟̕


Youth Decay posted:

Article does not mention anything about Hitler though.

hosed up, if true.

Shumagorath
Jun 5, 2001


somehow this remained an olympic sport while only accessible to 1% westerners and the mongolians who can't do archery at the same time, yet wrestling was recently on the chopping block

Bip Roberts
Mar 29, 2005
One of those Mexican ladies was built like a full plate of mashed potatoes


Shumagorath posted:

somehow this remained an olympic sport while only accessible to 1% westerners and the mongolians who can't do archery at the same time, yet wrestling was recently on the chopping block

Keep in mind the IOC is literal Nazis, vamps, and nazi vamps

SLICK GOKU BABY
Jun 12, 2001

Havin' a roni


Shumagorath posted:

somehow this remained an olympic sport while only accessible to 1% westerners and the mongolians who can't do archery at the same time, yet wrestling was recently on the chopping block

I assume the Dressage "athletes" have a lot of money and give some hefty bribes to the IOC, which they thrive on bribes.

TheFluff
Dec 13, 2006

FRIENDS, LISTEN TO ME
I AM A SEAGULL
OF WEALTH AND TASTE


Shumagorath posted:

somehow this remained an olympic sport while only accessible to 1% westerners and the mongolians who can't do archery at the same time, yet wrestling was recently on the chopping block

check out the world nomad games for Mongolian horse sports

https://twitter.com/jacqueslou1s/status/1420020869242425347?s=21

really like the old Soviet tank crew helmets some of the riders use

bvj191jgl7bBsqF5m
Apr 16, 2017

Í̝̰ ͓̯̖̫̹̯̤A҉m̺̩͝ ͇̬A̡̮̞̠͚͉̱̫ K̶e͓ǵ.̻̱̪͖̹̟̕


Dressage is just Reigning but with tighter pants and shinier boots, op

Kallikaa
Jun 13, 2001


Socialized posted:

no brides?

I think they called them 'bridles' in horsery.

SLICK GOKU BABY
Jun 12, 2001

Havin' a roni


What brand of spurs should I buy to cause the horse the most pain so I can dominate it the most?

Bip Roberts
Mar 29, 2005
One of those Mexican ladies was built like a full plate of mashed potatoes


They should make a Hot Ones and dressage crossover sport where a horse has to do a dancy routine after eating a ghost pepper

Youth Decay
Aug 17, 2015

a little too tithonic
yeah I really do think


Eventing dressage is more entertaining. The horses are mostly trained for the fast cross-country and jumping phases so they just want to GO GO GO instead of doing silly movements in an arena. Hong Kong horse who went at the end of session 1 apparently forgot he's the oldest horse in the competition and threw in a few hops, huge credit to his rider for staying aboard and finishing the test.

Cross-country is the best of the Olympic equestrian stuff from a spectator point of view, and since they have to start in early morning to beat the heat it'll be on primetime Saturday for the US. Highly recommended if you want to see rich people get dumped into water.

Impossibly Perfect Sphere
Nov 6, 2002


Eliminate this sport.

Arrhythmia
Jul 22, 2011

keep on fightin'


Impossibly Perfect Sphere posted:

Eliminate this sport.

No.

lenoon
Jan 7, 2010



Impossibly Perfect Sphere posted:

Eliminate this sport.

Despite all the excellent info given in this thread to answer my questions, it shouldnt be eliminated because it isnt a sport. Eliminate this thing.

Arrhythmia
Jul 22, 2011

keep on fightin'


Everything that anyone could conceivably call a sport should be in the olympics. Add Frolf.

Lucavi
May 12, 2002

Lookin' cute
Feelin' cute


salad dressage

DeimosRising
Oct 17, 2005

Hola SEA!




There are only two things you need to know about wrt dressage:

https://youtu.be/knCj92zA0tU

And

https://mobile.twitter.com/Flora_Anderson/status/1420467229007785989

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Drunk in Space
Dec 1, 2009


Make jousting an olympic sport already!

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