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bag em and tag em posted:For the last time it is for the safety of our ice golems and winterborn sprites that we cannot employ fireball based traps, rumors of a treaty are patently false. Those other traps are just as harmful, just not as loud. Curses, poison and skeleton ambushes kill and maim denizens all the time. Our Overlord was pressured into signing the treaty by a bunch of do-gooders who hate our mighty fireballs. That's what you get when you put lawful evil people in charge
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Jul 31, 2021 19:36
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Klyith posted:*wobbles around like a giant jello cube, demonstrating the lack of arms that could open the fridge door* Gelatinous Cubes are able to extend a pseudopod, as needed. Without going into a lot of detail, I can tell you that they're pretty handy with those pseudopods. Tender, even.
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Jul 31, 2021 23:37
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I've heard rumours the necromancy wants to leave this dungeon and take all of his undead with him. I'm already pulling double shifts!
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Jul 31, 2021 23:50
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Baxter posted:Gelatinous Cubes are able to extend a pseudopod, as needed. I'm just going to say it: They may be handy but they give a lousy prostate massage.
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Aug 1, 2021 01:53
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I'm starting to understand the large number of sexual harassment complaints sent to HR by the gelatinous cube
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Aug 1, 2021 01:55
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we were excavating new tunnels to fill with swinging pendulum blades and broke into an ancient cultist ruin. score!
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Aug 1, 2021 02:44
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Has anyone seen my pet flumpf?!
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Aug 1, 2021 03:25
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Someone left the alternating fireballs hazard on level 8 running. Again. Guys, there haven't been any adventurers down that path for at least a week. Do you know how much propane that thing is burning every second? I would like to remind you that our end-of-year bonus is 40% pegged to our sustainability KPI and we're committed to being a carbon-neutral dungeon by 2030.
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Aug 1, 2021 05:00
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ohnobugs posted:I'm starting to understand the large number of sexual harassment complaints sent to HR by the gelatinous cube sometimes it feels like no matter how hard you work or how much you achieve, some monsters are only seeing your transparent, gelatinously cubic body. and it's the same excuse every time -- when you catch someone looking they always say they just want to see if I have any good helmets or wands inside me. especially the beholders. did you know some of them were running a private facebook group called "all eyes on hot slimes"?
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Aug 1, 2021 05:12
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Slayerjerman posted:Can I get a dungeon manager down here on southwest corner of the Depths of the Damned, pronto? We've got an adventurer threatening to sue from yet another bone related injury. That bard was performing at my wedding to the unchanging one! You nimbys nearly spoiled everything, although luckily the ceremony was completed before those goons from security showed up and the soul reaping was a lovely way to finish the occasion. Lucky Guy posted:Has anyone seen my pet flumpf?! Surely you mean captive? Unless, wait, I see it now, "Lucky Guy", Lawful Good, just like that flumpf I ate, looks like we've got an adventurer in disguise here!
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Aug 1, 2021 05:16
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Weka posted:That bard was performing at my wedding to the unchanging one! You nimbys nearly spoiled everything, although luckily the ceremony was completed before those goons from security showed up and the soul reaping was a lovely way to finish the occasion. Ugh. Let me rally the other scrunts. Think I can manage to wrangle a bugbear into helping? You can throw me, if you want, idk why no one ever expects it. Fire is out, is lightning verboten,as well?
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Aug 1, 2021 05:33
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*extends tubes toward you*
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Aug 1, 2021 06:03
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i painted a fake tunnel on a dungeon wall to see if any adventurers run into it
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Aug 1, 2021 06:26
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There's too many flavors of slime these days. Acid Slime, Fire Slime, Ice Slime, even Thunder Slime. Slime with little bones in it, Cube Slimes, Pink! Slimes, King Slimes, Slimes with funny hats sometimes. Can never decide which one to order.
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Aug 1, 2021 06:33
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slime without the little bones in it isn't even worth it imo
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Aug 1, 2021 09:48
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It’s me the tug monster look out hero’s or don’t probably a better time for you if you don’t
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Aug 1, 2021 10:03
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So I hit him for 10hp, and then get this: I hit him for 20hp! Can I get a hell yeah?! Someone high eight this paw!!!
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Aug 1, 2021 10:44
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ohnobugs posted:I'm starting to understand the large number of sexual harassment complaints sent to HR by the gelatinous cube Modrons knew
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Aug 1, 2021 10:51
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Those adventurers just now kept trying to use fire based attacks on the frost golem, not knowing I put a Rune of Inverted Affinity in the chamber. Frosty's never been more thoroughly healed!
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Aug 1, 2021 11:04
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lol I just saw a goon adventurer call another adventurer dumb
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Aug 1, 2021 12:41
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Chapter 4: The party stood in the center of a large room that was obviously a hub of the dungeon. Numerous exits -- dozens of them -- all lead to either stairs up or further down. Above each exit, cryptic symbols were carved into the rock walls. "What do you suppose the symbols mean?" Carly the Centaur asked as she stared, puzzled, at one of the exits. Above it were three letters: QCS Hannah the Harpy, the party's wizard and resident thinker, replied, "With the number and variety of denizens in this dungeon it's reasonable that they section themselves off into sub-groups of some kind." She too was puzzling over an exit, this one labeled YOSPOS. "But I can't see any hints of what system they're using." "Which way should we go?" asked Arachne. She was turning in slow circles in the center of the room, her bootless spider-legs making a sharp click each time she put one down. "One's as good as another right?" asked Gillian the Goblin. "Not this one," said Oriah the Oni said nervously. The others turned to look at the exit she stood before. A long moment passed, and a chill ran down the spine of each of them. Above the door was written: FYAD "Yeah," Lara the Lamia said. "Yeah I agree, we should stay out of there." She couldn't explain why. She just knew. "Oooo!" Arachne said, "Let's take this one!" She'd finally stopped turning circles in the center of the room, click-click-clicking her way over to an exit labeled ADTRW. "It just feels right for some reason, doesn't it?" The others murmured agreement. Again, they didn't quite know WHY it was the right choice. They just knew it was. The decision made, they began to file through the exit into ADTRW, whatever that was. Lara the Lamia turned and gazed longingly at the exit labelled GBS for a moment, then turned to join her companions.
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Aug 1, 2021 12:59
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super sweet best pal posted:Modrons knew
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Aug 1, 2021 14:23
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a dmc delorean posted:lol I just saw a goon adventurer call another adventurer dumb I just saw two goon adventurers spend three hours arguing in QCS about which one of them needs to be banned while a manticore ate the rest of their party.
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Aug 1, 2021 14:29
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super sweet best pal posted:Modrons knew
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Aug 1, 2021 14:30
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it's time to excavate the collapsed HELLDUMP tunnels, who's in?
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Aug 1, 2021 18:38
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Meme Poker Party posted:4 strength 4 stam leather belt. You're thinking of the 50 Shades kind of dungeon, this isn't that. Is it?
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Aug 1, 2021 19:14
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GuestBob posted:You're thinking of the 50 Shades kind of dungeon, this isn't that. Is it? 50 Shades of Goon
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Aug 1, 2021 21:50
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Met with management about the bone issue, they said they would take the feedback into consideration... but they said moving any bones without approval from the Monsters Union, local 666 would be a violation of the long-term contract in place. Yeah, I totally moved a pile of bones and made a little unofficial boner golem using a huge bone from a troll for his boner and placed it just to the left of the hidden spike pit. Now my adventurer kill ratio numbers are off the charts and mgmt is none the wiser.
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Aug 2, 2021 05:28
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You are not allowed to call it a boner golem if it's not made out of boners, gosh. Have you got no respect for our rules and regulations?
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Aug 2, 2021 05:53
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Guys, stop putting the slimes in Jell-O molds. Adventurers aren't being fooled by all the "fruit salads" and "parfaits" sitting on decrepit tables in our lairs.
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Aug 2, 2021 06:15
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I'm not sure if I'd be a vampire, nosferatu, lich, or mindflayer. I'm not super beefy and kinda weak in the tentacle department so I'm probably nosferatu or lich.
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Aug 2, 2021 06:26
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CaptainSarcastic posted:I'm not sure if I'd be a vampire, nosferatu, lich, or mindflayer. I'm not super beefy and kinda weak in the tentacle department so I'm probably nosferatu or lich. You apply for the position and then get the tentacles. We're not some fly-by-night two bit operation that expects our employees to shoulder the cost of vital equipment.
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Aug 2, 2021 07:11
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Blurry Gray Thing posted:You apply for the position and then get the tentacles. We're not some fly-by-night two bit operation that expects our employees to shoulder the cost of vital equipment. I'm probably a mid-manager nosferatu. Like sit at my desk most of the day pretending to look busy, rubber stamp a few new traps or curse a couple items, then clock out and watch TV.
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Aug 2, 2021 07:29
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If the Midnight King of the Fey Court offers you any glazed donuts DO NOT ACCEPT. Report the offer to your level supervisor immediately. In the event you do accept, this violates the "alternate bargain with secondary entities" clause in your contract and you will be terminated immediately.
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Aug 2, 2021 07:56
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buddy i got adventurers up my rear end trying to terminate me every day, you're goddamn right i'm gonna take some donuts. i always share them with the slimes
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Aug 2, 2021 08:19
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Kudos to whoever put a bait-barrel near the entrance to floor 3 with several gold pieces in it, then a few explosion barrels nearby. I just saw an adventurer with long, wavy blonde hair and a chiselled chin smash open the barrel of gold with a super dumb smirk, then run over to the others whacking them with his sword only to be immediately melted by the hodge podge cocktail of explosives within. YEEEAH! Take that, greedy once-good-looking adventurer!
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Aug 2, 2021 10:57
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I was assigned to go do some minor necromancing in the east cave by the waterfall, but I spent way too long arranging my half melted candles instead of conjuring skeleton guards and now it's been occupied by bandits. I mean they deter adventurers all the same but it's not going to look good on my review
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Aug 2, 2021 11:04
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I'm 6-10 human bandits with bows and shortswords, plus one boss bandit with two swords.
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Aug 2, 2021 11:07
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You're on thin ice here, bandits. Better die quick and come back as a skeleton or a zombie if you want to stay in this dungeon
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Aug 2, 2021 17:16
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Still rattling my bones! *rattle* *rattle* *rattle* *rattle* Maybe I should learn to juggle my skull, distract adventurers.
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Aug 2, 2021 19:42
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