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peter gabriel
Nov 8, 2011

Hello Commandos
empty a full jar of coffee into your hot water tank then every time you run the tap you get delicious fresh coffee

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Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon
If you poo poo first, you can use your piss as a rudimentary bidet

peter gabriel
Nov 8, 2011

Hello Commandos
fold a sheet of A4 paper in half and glue it together - bam! Instant card.

BigBadSteve
Apr 29, 2009

If you don't ever stop tuggin', you never need to start tuggin'.

whose tuggin
Nov 6, 2009

by Hand Knit
Tie your penis into an overhand knot

AARD VARKMAN
May 17, 1993
Order your pizzas uncut so you can cut them in half and not have to lie about only eating 2 slices last night

kntfkr
Feb 11, 2019

GOOSE FUCKER
Here's a tip. Put a pinch of sage in your boots. All day long, the spicy scent shall be your reward.

Catastrophe
Oct 5, 2007

Committed to burn twice as long and half as bright
e: wrong thread because I am dumber than dirt

Catastrophe fucked around with this message at 20:22 on Sep 17, 2021

Poo In An Alleyway
Feb 12, 2016



Catastrophe posted:

e: wrong thread because I am dumber than dirt

Don't be dumber than dirt. Lifehack!

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014

How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

Mozi posted:

the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. but, the journey of a thousand miles minus one step begins with nothing, so take your time really
theres no better time to plant a tree than tomorrow

a peck of pickled peckers
Aug 3, 2014

I am your Redeemer! It is by my hand that you arise from the ashes of this world!

Tired of your parents dragging you to church every Sunday? Convert to Islam and tell your white demon parents that you have seen the Holy Light Allah Akbar

Lamebot
Sep 8, 2005

ロボ顔菌~♡
See poo poo streaked on the toilet seat in a public restroom? Drop a big spit on it and wipe it down with toilet paper. Then at least you're only sitting on your own filth.

Archer666
Dec 27, 2008
Money can be exchanged for goods and services!

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014

How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

whislt travelling provincial roads and thoust come upon a stranger who does not announce himself tis best to strike first and query later than be caught off guard and risk your life and treasure

numberoneposter fucked around with this message at 21:13 on Sep 17, 2021

Katamari Democracy
Jan 19, 2010

Guess what! :love:
Guess what this is? :love:
A Post, Just for you! :love:
Wedge Regret
Vote. It just works!

MEIN RAVEN
Oct 7, 2008

Gutentag Mein Raven

Don't vote! It never works!

The Bloop
Jul 5, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
You can get milk from ANY mammal, not just cows

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014

How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

public wells are often cursed by black humors so it is advisable to only consume fermented drink

TIP
Mar 21, 2006

Your move, creep.



The Bloop posted:

You can get milk from ANY mammal, not just cows

Harry_Potato
May 21, 2021

Bull milk is too metallic for cereal but tastes great in Coffee...

peter gabriel
Nov 8, 2011

Hello Commandos
If you get a virus on your computer simply do not use it again, problem solved.

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014

How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

if you dont like abortions dont get one

kntfkr
Feb 11, 2019

GOOSE FUCKER

BEN STILLER: Fuckin' smartass all the time.... yeah, I can milk you tough guy. I'll milk you.

BEN STILLER quickly rises from his seat slams ROBERT DENIRO on the ground, smashing plates and silverware. STILLER rips open DENIRO'S shirt and begins twisting his nipples roughly.

WIVES (in unison): Stop! Stop!

BEN STILLER: Milk you SO good!

DENIRO is crying, wives are crying. STILLER pauses

BEN STILLER: There that's a nice steady stream.

WIVES & DENIRO (in unison): It's just blood!


STILLER takes a vial out of his sports coat pocket to collect the viscous fluids seeping from DENIRO'S TITS, pops on the top and tosses it to his wife.

BEN STILLER: Get it tested.

STILLER kicks the sobbing Deniro in the jaw

END SCENE

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
Clip two paperclips together to create a paradox.

Catastrophe
Oct 5, 2007

Committed to burn twice as long and half as bright
justifying how you need 900 sq ft of space in your SUV in order to drive you and your one child to the grocery store 6 blocks away

The Bloop
Jul 5, 2004

by Fluffdaddy

Catastrophe posted:

justifying how you need 900 sq ft of space in your SUV in order to drive you and your one child to the grocery store 6 blocks away

Useless white people hacks

gleebster
Dec 16, 2006

Only a howler
Pillbug

kntfkr posted:

Here's a tip. Put a pinch of sage in your boots. All day long, the spicy scent shall be your reward.

And put a drop of vanilla extract behind your ear and you'll smell like a cookie all day.

Better lifehack: Feeling too hot and humid where you are? Just move.

longtimelurker
Mar 12, 2006

Powered by alcohol

Don't waste time on the toilet and money on toilet paper, just poo poo on the shower drain and waffle stomp it down as you bathe.

Poo In An Alleyway
Feb 12, 2016



Catastrophe posted:

justifying how you need 900 sq ft of space in your SUV in order to drive you and your one child to the grocery store 6 blocks away

White people thread?

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
Print out your ebooks so you can read them if your e-reader's battery dies.

Catastrophe
Oct 5, 2007

Committed to burn twice as long and half as bright

Poo In An Alleyway posted:

White people thread?

I keep confusing these two threads!

Aiden, quit distracting me!

Smugworth
Apr 18, 2003

Kratom rules

Funky See Funky Do
Aug 20, 2013
STILL TRYING HARD
Tired of going to prison for every little crime you commit? Just stop turning yourself in.

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die
Nap Ghost
Is the simple act of breathing too much work? Try getting a severe case of Covid and enjoy an extended, restful staycation at your local hospital as a ventilator does all the work for you!

TIP
Mar 21, 2006

Your move, creep.



Mozi posted:

Is the simple act of breathing too much work? Try getting a severe case of Covid and enjoy an extended, restful staycation at your local hospital as a ventilator does all the work for you!

And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker.

Dick Swiveller
Mar 2, 2011

If you have an electric stove or hotplate you can save on cleaning by just cooking a burger straight on it, indoor grill style, no pan needed. If you have one of those conduction stoves you can just mix ball bearings into the patties and pick them out as you eat.

Potrzebie
Apr 6, 2010

I may not know what I'm talking about, but I sure love cops! ^^ Boy, but that boot is just yummy!
Lipstick Apathy
Want to save money? Stop paying your bills.

gleebster
Dec 16, 2006

Only a howler
Pillbug
I Forgot! I forgot that you had to pay taxes.

HORNEY VAPE BRO
Jun 14, 2009

If you're having trouble breathing in public areas with a mask on, just pull it down a little so your nose sticks out and you're breathing good baby!

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Potrzebie
Apr 6, 2010

I may not know what I'm talking about, but I sure love cops! ^^ Boy, but that boot is just yummy!
Lipstick Apathy

gleebster posted:

I Forgot! I forgot that you had to pay taxes.

just let the IRS know that glE*eb_sT!er did not consent to joinder and your fine!

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