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peter gabriel
Nov 8, 2011

Hello Commandos


empty a full jar of coffee into your hot water tank then every time you run the tap you get delicious fresh coffee

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Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

If you poo poo first, you can use your piss as a rudimentary bidet

peter gabriel
Nov 8, 2011

Hello Commandos


fold a sheet of A4 paper in half and glue it together - bam! Instant card.

BigBadSteve
Apr 29, 2009

Self Defense
Nil Satanus carborundum

Yeshua akbar!
(Xtian anarchisto, no bombo)


If you don't ever stop tuggin', you never need to start tuggin'.

The Scientist
Nov 6, 2009



Ramrod XTreme

Tie your penis into an overhand knot

Aardvark!
May 17, 1993




Order your pizzas uncut so you can cut them in half and not have to lie about only eating 2 slices last night

kntfkr
Feb 11, 2019

GOOSE FUCKER


Here's a tip. Put a pinch of sage in your boots. All day long, the spicy scent shall be your reward.

Catastrophe
Oct 5, 2007

Committed to burn twice as long and half as bright


e: wrong thread because I am dumber than dirt

Catastrophe fucked around with this message at 19:22 on Sep 17, 2021

Poo In An Alleyway
Feb 12, 2016
Not Orange?




Catastrophe posted:

e: wrong thread because I am dumber than dirt

Don't be dumber than dirt. Lifehack!

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014



Mozi posted:

the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. but, the journey of a thousand miles minus one step begins with nothing, so take your time really
theres no better time to plant a tree than tomorrow

a peck of pickled peckers
Aug 3, 2014

I am your Redeemer! It is by my hand that you arise from the ashes of this world!



Tired of your parents dragging you to church every Sunday? Convert to Islam and tell your white demon parents that you have seen the Holy Light Allah Akbar

Lamebot
Sep 8, 2005

ロボ顔菌~♡


See poo poo streaked on the toilet seat in a public restroom? Drop a big spit on it and wipe it down with toilet paper. Then at least you're only sitting on your own filth.

Archer666
Dec 27, 2008



Money can be exchanged for goods and services!

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014



whislt travelling provincial roads and thoust come upon a stranger who does not announce himself tis best to strike first and query later than be caught off guard and risk your life and treasure

numberoneposter fucked around with this message at 20:13 on Sep 17, 2021

Katamari Democracy
Jan 18, 2010

Oh, We understand.
A trip to collect a million votes, yes.
Oh, we know why.
We get the point of rolling up a million.


Wedge Regret

Vote. It just works!

MEIN RAVEN
Oct 7, 2008

Gutentag Mein Raven



Don't vote! It never works!

The Bloop
Jul 5, 2004




You can get milk from ANY mammal, not just cows

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014



public wells are often cursed by black humors so it is advisable to only consume fermented drink

Tip
Mar 21, 2006

Your move, creep.





The Bloop posted:

You can get milk from ANY mammal, not just cows

Harry_Potato
May 21, 2021



Bull milk is too metallic for cereal but tastes great in Coffee...

peter gabriel
Nov 8, 2011

Hello Commandos


If you get a virus on your computer simply do not use it again, problem solved.

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014



if you dont like abortions dont get one

kntfkr
Feb 11, 2019

GOOSE FUCKER



BEN STILLER: Fuckin' smartass all the time.... yeah, I can milk you tough guy. I'll milk you.

BEN STILLER quickly rises from his seat slams ROBERT DENIRO on the ground, smashing plates and silverware. STILLER rips open DENIRO'S shirt and begins twisting his nipples roughly.

WIVES (in unison): Stop! Stop!

BEN STILLER: Milk you SO good!

DENIRO is crying, wives are crying. STILLER pauses

BEN STILLER: There that's a nice steady stream.

WIVES & DENIRO (in unison): It's just blood!


STILLER takes a vial out of his sports coat pocket to collect the viscous fluids seeping from DENIRO'S TITS, pops on the top and tosses it to his wife.

BEN STILLER: Get it tested.

STILLER kicks the sobbing Deniro in the jaw

END SCENE

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

IN THE GRIM BARKNESS
OF THE FUTURE
THERE ARE ONLY DOGS



Nap Ghost

Clip two paperclips together to create a paradox.

Catastrophe
Oct 5, 2007

Committed to burn twice as long and half as bright


justifying how you need 900 sq ft of space in your SUV in order to drive you and your one child to the grocery store 6 blocks away

The Bloop
Jul 5, 2004




Catastrophe posted:

justifying how you need 900 sq ft of space in your SUV in order to drive you and your one child to the grocery store 6 blocks away

Useless white people hacks

gleebster
Dec 16, 2006

Only a howler

Pillbug

kntfkr posted:

Here's a tip. Put a pinch of sage in your boots. All day long, the spicy scent shall be your reward.

And put a drop of vanilla extract behind your ear and you'll smell like a cookie all day.

Better lifehack: Feeling too hot and humid where you are? Just move.

longtimelurker
Mar 12, 2006

Powered by alcohol



Don't waste time on the toilet and money on toilet paper, just poo poo on the shower drain and waffle stomp it down as you bathe.

Poo In An Alleyway
Feb 12, 2016
Not Orange?




Catastrophe posted:

justifying how you need 900 sq ft of space in your SUV in order to drive you and your one child to the grocery store 6 blocks away

White people thread?

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

IN THE GRIM BARKNESS
OF THE FUTURE
THERE ARE ONLY DOGS



Nap Ghost

Print out your ebooks so you can read them if your e-reader's battery dies.

Catastrophe
Oct 5, 2007

Committed to burn twice as long and half as bright


Poo In An Alleyway posted:

White people thread?

I keep confusing these two threads!

Aiden, quit distracting me!

Smugworth
Apr 18, 2003

Well, I've got brain damage on the side of my brain, and I don't know which side, left or right, where I huffed gasoline for ten long years.




Kratom rules

Funky See Funky Do
Aug 20, 2013
STILL TRYING HARD

Tired of going to prison for every little crime you commit? Just stop turning yourself in.

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004


here he comes
and he's gone again


Nap Ghost

Is the simple act of breathing too much work? Try getting a severe case of Covid and enjoy an extended, restful staycation at your local hospital as a ventilator does all the work for you!

Tip
Mar 21, 2006

Your move, creep.





Mozi posted:

Is the simple act of breathing too much work? Try getting a severe case of Covid and enjoy an extended, restful staycation at your local hospital as a ventilator does all the work for you!

And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker.

Dick Swiveller
Mar 2, 2011



If you have an electric stove or hotplate you can save on cleaning by just cooking a burger straight on it, indoor grill style, no pan needed. If you have one of those conduction stoves you can just mix ball bearings into the patties and pick them out as you eat.

Potrzebie
Apr 6, 2010
I may not know what I'm talking about, but I sure love cops! ^^ Boy, but that boot is just yummy!

Lipstick Apathy

Want to save money? Stop paying your bills.

gleebster
Dec 16, 2006

Only a howler

Pillbug

I Forgot! I forgot that you had to pay taxes.

HORNEY VAPE BRO
Jun 14, 2009



If you're having trouble breathing in public areas with a mask on, just pull it down a little so your nose sticks out and you're breathing good baby!

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Potrzebie
Apr 6, 2010
I may not know what I'm talking about, but I sure love cops! ^^ Boy, but that boot is just yummy!

Lipstick Apathy

gleebster posted:

I Forgot! I forgot that you had to pay taxes.

just let the IRS know that glE*eb_sT!er did not consent to joinder and your fine!

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