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ELTON JOHN
Feb 17, 2014


well shucks, i dont know what a fancy city gal like you could learn from a small town like this, but maybe you can help us prepare for the annual christmas festival, my name is tim

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Icochet
Mar 18, 2008

I have a very small TV. Don't make fun of it! Please don't shame it like that~


Grimey Drawer

*sucks cock*

Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

pro hobo

Silent Majority
THE DON







drat ive got to find old man shultz and get the secret of how to find the magic christmas rose endowed with the power of christmas love to win jessica's heart before midnight on christmas eve



Who What Now
Sep 10, 2006



Hello, Big City Woman, I'm your Big City Boyfriend at the start of the movie who is slightly dismissive or inattentive towards you. Now please go off to the Christmas Lovers Cattle Ranch where all the cows have reindeer antlers and the slaughterhouse is decorated with tinsel and lights. But please don't fall in love with a hunky slaughterhouse butcher with a heart filled with kindness and Christmas cheer so that I can walk in to find you having an emotional affair with him in a way that will somehow frame me as the villain and not the victim.

A Fancy Hat
Nov 18, 2016

Always remember that the former President was dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin



I'm a successful architect in a big city, far too busy for Christmas. I'm just going to sit at home with the one thing I care about - my dog.

Oh no! My dog ran away!

givepatajob
Apr 8, 2003

One finds that this is the best of all possible worlds.

Dinosaur Gum

<ties bow around my schlong>

Edward Mass
Sep 14, 2011

fuck the molice


I was in a successful genre TV show 8 years ago, now I'm a regular for Christmas romcoms!

MEIN RAVEN
Oct 7, 2008

Dis Ist Ein Raven


Don't you dare gently caress Santa

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

Oh no I hosed Santa, we must petition the pope to dissolve his marriage to Mrs. Santa and marry me by Christmas Day or else we both go to hell :devil:

BIG TIT LIL NIP
Oct 5, 2005






jingle my balls!!!!!!!

happyhippy
Feb 21, 2005

Playing games, watching movies, owning goons. 'sup


Pillbug

Lets spend the full day decorating the one tree together!

Oh look, its snowing on a clear sky day.

ELTON JOHN
Feb 17, 2014


Icochet posted:

*sucks cock*

hey thanks. that means a lot and you've really helped this town and i think...i think this town might have helped you too

Loden Taylor
Aug 11, 2003





my girlfriend said I was a real scrooge, but then jesus gave this street urchin leukemia so that I could learn the real meaning of Christmas

now it's new year's eve, the kid's dead and I'm banging my girlfriend lmao

Chinatown
Sep 11, 2001

~*Suck My Balls*~

Fun Shoe

this coke sucks

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

This year, you will find the true meaning of Christmas deep in Santa's sack :wiggle:

Toph Bei Fong
Feb 29, 2008

You can't see me at all...



Boy, I'd better not let my shithead cousin fix the economy of this country by abdicating the throne, I should instead entrust our nation's future to this magazine journalist who was disguised as my little sister's tutor instead.

Fluffy Bunnies
Jan 9, 2009
DON'T BOTHER REPLYING TO ME. I WON'T READ OR COMPREHEND ANY OF IT.


I was sold at a charity auction and now I'm gonna bone this guy after a sleigh ride because children with cancer needed toys, or whatever.

snow falls

kids die

my laughter brings tears to my eyes

the children watch from the hospital window as my new beau and I kiss on our first date, the town square alight with colorful decorations.

then we go home and gently caress and I'm pregnant and five years later our kid has cancer, too, because this tiny hometown of mine was built over a loving shitload of discarded nukes that the military buried and didn't bother to tell anybody about.

E: also the kid dies of cancer and I was an atheist before my special xmas love interest thing happened, then I was a jesus person, now I'm an atheist again and it's gonna take FIVE MORE MEN, all sons of santa, to convince me (with their ding dongs) that jesus is cool again because this just became a reverse harem romcom. :getin:

Fluffy Bunnies fucked around with this message at 19:02 on Sep 17, 2021

kntfkr
Feb 11, 2019

GOOSE FUCKER


I'm really nervous about you meeting my parents, they're different from your family!

*starts cutting self*

Earwicker
Jan 6, 2003



im a grumpy old dogwhistle banker who says "happy holidays" in a shrill voice whenever someone wishes me a merry christmas, and the employer of one of the lead characters, whom i chastise for putting up too many decorations in their cubicle. by the end of the movie i will be sloshed on egg nog and last seen crawling out of a gutter wearing a bent top hat with a big red bow on it

signalnoise
Mar 7, 2008


Hugh Grant

Ventral EggSac
Dec 3, 2019



You open the door, I put a finger over my mouth and start playing carols. I'm holding a stack of big cue cards.

Your husband yells out "Who is it?"

I flip over the first card: SAY IT'S LIGMA

"It's Ligma"

"Ligma? Who's Ligma"

I flip over my next card: FUCKEN GOTEM LMAO

We both double over laughing silently, until I flip the next card and it's full-on goatse and you throw up on the snow

Fluffy Bunnies
Jan 9, 2009
DON'T BOTHER REPLYING TO ME. I WON'T READ OR COMPREHEND ANY OF IT.



more like huge grant from what I've heard

Sinnlos
Sep 5, 2011

Ask me about believing in magical rainbow gold



I'm a big land developer and I'm here to demolish the oldest christmas tree farm in Wisconsin.

Dr. Gojo Shioji
Apr 22, 2004



I'm a big-fish-in-a-small-pond real estate tycoon, and I just can't wait until Christmas Eve/Day to foreclose on the protagonist's family farm/house/business. I just have to hope that the town isn't lead to charitably paying off the outstanding mortgage by the protagonist's lovable down-to-earth charm or the rugged charisma of their local romantic interest.

Jay_Zombie
Apr 20, 2007

We're sealing the tunnel!


I sprint through the airport trying to get to the gate before the plane boards so that I can clear up a big misunderstanding that should have been handled days ago and finally tell her how much I've always loved her and we can be together through the magic of Christmas.
I see the gate!
There she is!
Our eyes meet, her face lights up,.
This is it! It's going to happen!
I'm tackled by airport security and tasered repeatedly until I lose control of my bowels and poo poo myself.
I struggle to lift my head as I'm wrestled into handcuffs to see the love of my life dry-heaving as she boards her flight.

ELTON JOHN
Feb 17, 2014


Sinnlos posted:

I'm a big land developer and I'm here to demolish the oldest christmas tree farm in Wisconsin.

poo poo

gently caress!

Fluffy Bunnies
Jan 9, 2009
DON'T BOTHER REPLYING TO ME. I WON'T READ OR COMPREHEND ANY OF IT.


I'm the token lesbian/gay romcom. Isn't it funny that we're lesbian/gay. heehee. teehee. :lol:

the movie tries to be a good ally but it does things like makes our xmas tree a rainbow because gay people love rainbows.

rainbows are in the sky

rainbow are in your heart

they're in our eyes

they're coming through your tv

the American family council (or whatever the gently caress) was right.

we're coming for you. now you're gay too. we're all gay.

we're all gay.

ELTON JOHN
Feb 17, 2014


hi im tim im gay and i fuckin love christmas

ikanreed
Sep 25, 2009

Rise and shine, master leprechaun.





Only ever lives somewhere in snows in December

Shneak
Mar 6, 2015

"Doctor, listen to me and listen to me closely.
You're gonna witness all the days..."




WwhHooOaaA! *falls off roof and gets lifelong back pain*

ikanreed
Sep 25, 2009

Rise and shine, master leprechaun.





Gets sent to jail for 15 years for fraud after writing "it's Christmas" on a loan forgiveness document at the bank I manage.

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench

Fluffy Bunnies posted:

I'm the token lesbian/gay romcom. Isn't it funny that we're lesbian/gay. heehee. teehee. :lol:

the movie tries to be a good ally but it does things like makes our xmas tree a rainbow because gay people love rainbows.

rainbows are in the sky

rainbow are in your heart

they're in our eyes

they're coming through your tv

the American family council (or whatever the gently caress) was right.

we're coming for you. now you're gay too. we're all gay.

we're all gay.
Yukon Cornelius and the Abominable Snowman are now life partners because this special was made in the early 90s when ABC could give a wink and nod but not say it directly.

phasmid
Jan 16, 2015

Booty Shaker
SILENT MAJORITY


I'm the leading lady's younger brother who's and athiest because I lost my legs in the sled race fifteen years ago. By the end of the movie I will be reconciled to Christianity in a wink-wink fashion, probably some non-sequitur involving cute puppies or my own love interest singing a song about Christmas. People will stop calling me Gimpy Steve and now I can go back to being just Steve. Thanks, Jesus!

QuoProQuid
Jan 12, 2012

Tr*ckin' and F*ckin' all the way to tha
T O P


Fluffy Bunnies posted:

I'm the token lesbian/gay romcom. Isn't it funny that we're lesbian/gay. heehee. teehee. :lol:

the movie tries to be a good ally but it does things like makes our xmas tree a rainbow because gay people love rainbows.

rainbows are in the sky

rainbow are in your heart

they're in our eyes

they're coming through your tv

the American family council (or whatever the gently caress) was right.

we're coming for you. now you're gay too. we're all gay.

we're all gay.

im the token gay person but you never actually see me doing anything gay for fear of alienating straight audiences. i just act flamboyant and talk in vague terms about “not fitting in” before devoting myself wholly to the woman protagonist’s own journey toward christmas romance and self-discovery, subordinating my own desires to this woman who i met literally 24 hours ago. i don't even have a love interest or any kind of life outside of offering sage life advice to this straight white woman. my interior life shall forever remain a mystery.

also, i own a tacky, light-up Christmas sweater and there’s a hilarious scene of me wearing it at an extremely inopportune time in front of your curmudgeon, big city boss. talk about awkward!

QuoProQuid fucked around with this message at 20:22 on Sep 17, 2021

happyhippy
Feb 21, 2005

Playing games, watching movies, owning goons. 'sup


Pillbug

Watch me wear this $200 wool christmas jumper all the time!

Szyznyk
Mar 4, 2008


Fluffy Bunnies posted:

I'm the token lesbian/gay romcom. Isn't it funny that we're lesbian/gay. heehee. teehee. :lol:

the movie tries to be a good ally but it does things like makes our xmas tree a rainbow because gay people love rainbows.

rainbows are in the sky

rainbow are in your heart

they're in our eyes

they're coming through your tv

the American family council (or whatever the gently caress) was right.

we're coming for you. now you're gay too. we're all gay.

we're all gay.

Conversely, we’re the only two Jews in Christmas Town. Wonder if we’ll end up together at the movies or at a Chinese restaurant.

SRQ
Nov 9, 2009



the turkey is now on fire.

QuoProQuid
Jan 12, 2012

Tr*ckin' and F*ckin' all the way to tha
T O P


SRQ posted:

the turkey is now on fire.

magically, there's a new, fully cooked turkey on the kitchen table Christmas day. it and the rest of the table display looks like something done by martha stewart

we look knowingly at each other but otherwise refuse to acknowledge this miracle

Icochet
Mar 18, 2008

I have a very small TV. Don't make fun of it! Please don't shame it like that~


Grimey Drawer

Argh my dyslexia won't let me see this thread title without thinking about being in a christmas condom

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Sinnlos
Sep 5, 2011

Ask me about believing in magical rainbow gold



My big land deal fell through when the owner of the oldest christmas tree farm in Wisconsin died, leaving it to his grandchild, a moderately attractive white person with uncomfortably perfect teeth.

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