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echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004



commands to the realm master start with >
anything is possible. maybe. especially incompetence on the part of the realm master (me)
join with
>JOIN

trade things with other players. sell your organs. explore the world. expect disappointment

you'll start out with $1000 realm bucks

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Victory Position
Mar 15, 2004







>north

wait, sorry

>join

>north

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004



victory your balance is $1000

you walk north and find a large pole. this pole has some engravings that you don’t recognise. there is a man standing near the pole but he doesn’t look very friendly

Captain Foo
May 11, 2004

we vibin'
we slidin'
we breathin'
we dyin'


>join

>look man

MrQueasy
Nov 15, 2005

Quit shakin' me, kid!

> join

> Say "Cześć" to Pole

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004



Captain Foo posted:

>join

>look man

captain foo your balance is $1000 realm bucks


the man sees you looking at him. as you are socially inept, you are unable to read that this staring contest is very awkward and is drawing significant attention to yourself and your very goofy outfit

the dude walks up to you and asks “what are you looking at?”

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004



MrQueasy posted:

> join

> Say "Cześć" to Pole

mrquesy your balance is $1000 realm bucks


you say cześć to the pole. the inanimate object predictably does nothing, and the realm master makes a note of your awful joke

moonshine is......
Feb 21, 2007



> join
> stare at man

President Beep
Apr 29, 2009





i have to have a car because otherwise i cant drive around the country solving mysteries while being doggedly pursued by federal marshals for a crime i did not commit (9/11)


> join

> ask man about pole

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004



this man is starting to get disturbed by all the people
surrounding him

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004



moonshine is...... posted:

> join
> stare at man

moonshine your balance is $1000 realm bucks


the man asks you what your problem is and why so many people are coming over to stare at him

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004



President Beep posted:

> join

> ask man about pole

beep your balance is $1000 realm bucks


the man says “what pole? that pole? it’s just a pole in the ground. I’m here waiting for my friends. now if you could gently caress off outta here I’d seriously appreciate it.”

Silver Alicorn
Mar 30, 2008

The Game is Never Over


> get ye flask

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004



the mans friends turn up, and he looks back at the growing group of people with disdain, and leaves. as he turns away, it becomes apparent he is wearing assless chaps

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004



Silver Alicorn posted:

> get ye flask

user not recognised

President Beep
Apr 29, 2009





i have to have a car because otherwise i cant drive around the country solving mysteries while being doggedly pursued by federal marshals for a crime i did not commit (9/11)


echinopsis posted:

the mans friends turn up, and he looks back at the growing group of people with disdain, and leaves. as he turns away, it becomes apparent he is wearing assless chaps

> take man’s place

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004



President Beep posted:

> take man’s place

you stand in the same spot as the man. it feels unremarkable… you wonder what you were expecting when you notice you feel lighter. at first you think maybe you’ve been pick pocketed.. but you realise the backside of your pants has disappeared.

President Beep
Apr 29, 2009





i have to have a car because otherwise i cant drive around the country solving mysteries while being doggedly pursued by federal marshals for a crime i did not commit (9/11)


lol

MrQueasy
Nov 15, 2005

Quit shakin' me, kid!

> INVENTORY

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004



MrQueasy posted:

> INVENTORY

mrquesy your balance is $1000 realm bucks

you look inside your pockets and find:

a bent coin
a vial of snake venom
14 oreos
a LOT of pocket lint
a wallet brimming with realm bucks
a rusty pocket knife

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004



a voice beams from above

"you could probably use your realm bucks to buy something or do something interesting"

MrQueasy
Nov 15, 2005

Quit shakin' me, kid!

> HELP INVESTMENT PRODUCTS

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004



you recall that you know of some terminals around where you can buy cryptocurrency with your realm bucks. unfortunately all other forms of investment have been banned.

MrQueasy
Nov 15, 2005

Quit shakin' me, kid!

> LOOK EXITS

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004



a hundred feet or so away is a busy road. there's a few cabs

immediately though, you see a burger king, a post office, a subway entrance, and back to where you came from is a high school

President Beep
Apr 29, 2009





i have to have a car because otherwise i cant drive around the country solving mysteries while being doggedly pursued by federal marshals for a crime i did not commit (9/11)


> purchase 14 oreos from mr. queasy

axolotl farmer
May 17, 2007

Now I'm going to sing the Perry Mason theme


>JOIN
>SAY XYZZY

MrQueasy
Nov 15, 2005

Quit shakin' me, kid!

President Beep posted:

> purchase 14 oreos from mr. queasy

> SET OREO PRICE TO 10 REALM BUCKS PER OREO
> SET POCKET LINT PRICE TO 1000 REALM BUCKS PER OUNCE
> CREATE 10% APR FINANCING PRODUCT

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004



beep your balance is 860 realm bucks and you now have 78 oreos. you already had a shitload of oreos

quesy your balance is $1140 realm bucks

realm master wants to confirm - are you truing to make an illegal investment product?

axolotl your balance is 1000 realm bucks


you attempt to shout out loud “XYZZY” and .. you do. your friends look at you with suspicion

Cat Face Joe
Feb 20, 2005

where did you come from
where did you go
where did you come from,
cat face joe


Doctor Rope

> JOIN

MrQueasy
Nov 15, 2005

Quit shakin' me, kid!

echinopsis posted:

beep your balance is 860 realm bucks and you now have 78 oreos. you already had a shitload of oreos

quesy your balance is $1140 realm bucks

realm master wants to confirm - are you truing to make an illegal investment product?

axolotl your balance is 1000 realm bucks


you attempt to shout out loud “XYZZY” and .. you do. your friends look at you with suspicion

> NO

> TAKE POLE

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004




cat face your balance is 1000 realm bucks

MrQueasy posted:

> NO

> TAKE POLE

unsurprised by your idiocy, your friends watch you go up to this phenomenally sturdy pole, and try to pull it out of the ground. it does not budge. it’s like a fuckin power pole ok. you’ll need a large machinery to move it if that’s what you hope to do

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004



beep your rear end-less pants are starting to fall off due to being too heavily weighed down by oreos. you’ll need a belt or bag going forward

Cat Face Joe
Feb 20, 2005

where did you come from
where did you go
where did you come from,
cat face joe


Doctor Rope

> INVENTORY

President Beep
Apr 29, 2009





i have to have a car because otherwise i cant drive around the country solving mysteries while being doggedly pursued by federal marshals for a crime i did not commit (9/11)


> inventory

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004




cat face you look in your napsack and find your trusty well-read copy of “atlas shrugged”. it brings a smile to your face. you dig a little deeper and find a set of clip-on universal-fit bootstraps. you pride yourself on not needing anything else


countless oreos
an insulin pen
a pen and pad
the pad is full of drawings of donuts and other sweet treats
a calculator

President Beep
Apr 29, 2009





i have to have a car because otherwise i cant drive around the country solving mysteries while being doggedly pursued by federal marshals for a crime i did not commit (9/11)


> fashion utilikilt out of paper from notebook

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004



beep your balance is 833 realm bucks because you spent 27 reals bucks on sellotape and staples from the wandering stationary merchant who just passed


your utilitkilt appears fragile and highly flammable. however it looks sharp

axolotl farmer
May 17, 2007

Now I'm going to sing the Perry Mason theme


>EAT OREO

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echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004



you ask beep if you can have one of his oreos.

he looks sad. he knows he should just give you one. after all he has more than he can count. you can see in his eyes that he knows these oreos arent a blessing but a curse.

perhaps he could get ahead in life if he could get rid of this monkey on his back. but these oreos consume him as much as he consumes them. he's a slave to the oreo


but you see a sparkle in his eye when he realises if he gets you hooked on oreos then you'll be his oreo buddy and you'll help him get more oreos


so he offers you a couple, and suggests you take a big sloppy bite. and by gum, you do.

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