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A Fancy Hat
Nov 18, 2016

Always remember that the former President was dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin

Listen up here, jack! The boys in the back and I have been getting real sick of hearing you run your mouth on that microphone week in and week out.

You say you're the best champion we've ever seen. Well, I haven't seen it! From what I can tell, you've been avoiding a match with me, even though I won that number one contender's battle royal last month. So let me ask you just one question - where's my title match, brother?

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A Fancy Hat
Nov 18, 2016

Always remember that the former President was dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin

They didn't book me in a match for Rage in the Cage. They didn't book me for Double Trouble. And you know something else? I went in the back and asked if I had a match yet for Hardcore Halloween. And you know what they said? "We got nothing for you, jack."

So this is an open challenge to any of the boys in the back. You and me, one on one, in a Pumpkin Patch Brawl. On October 31st at Hardcore Halloween!! You saw what I did to Big Man Mark last year!! I'm gonna make that look like child's play compared to what I have in store for this year!!!

Jack Stevens, you and me got some unfinished business, I'd love to beat your rear end in that pumpkin patch. But if you're too scared, I'll take on whoever's got the BALLS to accept my challenge.

A Fancy Hat
Nov 18, 2016

Always remember that the former President was dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin

You know, a lot of people are asking me "Why'd you do it, man? Why'd you turn on your tag team partner in that steel cage match?"

First of all, I don't owe you people anything. And I sure as hell didn't owe Big Nasty anything. But for the last 6 months, I've been dragging his rear end through the tag team division. And in that steel cage, we almost won the belts. ALMOST. Because Big Nasty took that Tombstone Piledriver onto a steel chair and got pinned. One. Two. Three.

And just like that, our dreams... no. MY DREAMS all washed away. The Big Rig Connection made us look like CHUMPS in that cage. So yeah, did I go a little far? Maybe. Maybe I shouldn't have put Big Nasty through that table. Maybe I shouldn't have hit him with that steel chair again and again and again. But now he knows.

Our tag team is dead. Big Nasty? You won't be seeing him around here any time soon. From what I heard, his dumb rear end needs reconstructive surgery, and you'll NEVER see him in --

*Big Nasty's music hits*

What the hell? What the hell? Nobody told me he was here! Somebody get security out here!!!

A Fancy Hat
Nov 18, 2016

Always remember that the former President was dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin

Last week, I was locked inside a steel cage with 3 other men, all of us vying for that world championship title shot. And wouldn't you know, my old tag team partner decided to make sure I didn't get a fair shot.

Big Billy - you don't know what you've done. You handcuffed me to that steel cage, tied me up like an animal. You hit me with a steel chair, then finished me off with those brass knucks of yours. You left me for dead. My rear end woke up in the ER. Those doctors told me I might never wrestle again. My wife took me home after that, she said I didn't look the same. Like something changed. Changed into something that scared her. And hell, it scared me, too. At first.

When I got here tonight, I went backstage and talked to the owners. I told 'em, give me Big Billy. No countouts. No DQ. NO RULES!

So tonight's main event is gonna be Big Billy vs me in a hardcore match. You want to treat me like an animal? Well this animal's about to be unleashed in the middle of this very ring!!!

A Fancy Hat
Nov 18, 2016

Always remember that the former President was dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin

If you watched Chaos in the Corn Maze you saw a man trapped into a shark cage and lit on fire. That man was my old manager and best friend, "Cellophane" Mike Payne. Mike decided to follow the money and turn on me, costing me my drat championship title against Masked Madness.

Well, Masked Madness, you wanna talk about madness? You claim to have escaped from a mental institution. Well, brother, they locked me up in one of those, too. The difference is - THEY KICKED ME OUT FOR BEING TOO DANGEROUS.

I'm challenging you, right now, at Pumpkin Patch Payback. You and me, one on one, for that title that you stole from me. Masked Madness, I'm gonna show you REAL MADNESS. Real madness is being willing to burn your best friend alive. Real madness is battling 15 other men in a Corn Maze Battle Royal for a shot at that championship gold. Real madness is suplexing Dr. Jim Death through a table.

On October 16th, I'm coming to collect what's mine. Mike Payne's in a hospital bed right now. I already took out the Road Block Twins. So you got nobody. And I don't need anybody. That Pumpkin Patch is gonna be your GRAVE!!!

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