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Twat McTwatterson
May 31, 2011


rs. I never used to be so asocial and unfriendly, but it's just what I've evolved into. I don't really want to go obviously, but my wife wants to. Have to make her not hate me for one day at least.

Anyhoo, I don't like staying up late or doing anything that fucks up my routine or schedule. And I really don't want to talk to anyone, but at least I can look at some hot chicks while I'm there and have some womanly contact with someone who is not my wife. That's probably makes it worth going.

So I'm just going to walk in, immediately take a shot of strong liquor, over the next 90 minutes drink 1 or 2 beers and then bounce out, wife in tow. Anyone got any tips for socializing? I do enjoy talking about the weather I guess.

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Sid Vicious
Jan 1, 1970

A dick, but the biggest dick in the universe. No, bigger than the universe.

if you go dreased as a populat charcter you might have sex (:

The Scientist
Nov 6, 2009



Ramrod XTreme

Be willing to eat (rear end)

BIG TIT LIL NIP
Oct 5, 2005






edward eggnog hands is a fun party game for everyone

runnypoops
Mar 26, 2016

been there. done that. prove yourself to me.

Go completely naked with a sock on your weinus

Sophy Wackles
Dec 17, 2000

> access main security grid
access: PERMISSION DENIED.







Be sure to stare directly at the other womens’ breasts and refer to your wife as “the ‘ol ball and chain”

Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Aug 1, 1981





Just start yelling out "STROKIN. CHOKIN. BUSTIN. STROKIN. CHOKIN. BUSTIN." repeatedly and you'll be the life of the party.

DeadFatDuckFat
Oct 29, 2012

This avatar brought to you by the 'save our dead gay forums' foundation.




Smoke weed with the cool people that are hanging out in the back yard

Buttchocks
Oct 21, 2020

No, I like my hat, thanks.


Dress up as a floor lamp. Don't socialize with anybody. If someone attempts to speak to you, turn your light on and off.

Tarkus
Aug 27, 2000



Sophy Wackles posted:

Be sure to stare directly at the other womens’ breasts and refer to your wife as “the ‘ol ball and chain”

The more PC way to refer to your wife these days is "The ol' spermbank" and roll your eyes in her direction. It's very endearing and people are sure to like you.

rain dogs
Apr 19, 2020



Party protip just for you op: before you go to the party, just divorce your wife so maybe she can find someone who isn't a miserable shutin and you can get back to playing Dota or whatever it is your ilk does.

Saalkin
Jun 29, 2008




Buttchocks posted:

Dress up as a floor lamp. Don't socialize with anybody. If someone attempts to speak to you, turn your light on and off.

Lol please commit to this bit please. Also record it.

Seth Pecksniff
May 27, 2004

The human face is, after all, nothing more nor less than a mask.


Dip your balls in the punch

Armitag3
Mar 15, 2020

Forget it Jake, it's cybertown.



Here's how you fake being a people person OP: no matter how much you don't care, ask questions. About their job, their hobbies, where they got that wristwatch, or that tattoo, or if they've seen the Squid Game ("I haven't, please tell me what it's about!"). People will talk for hours, and all you need to do is occasionally do a "uh-huh". You'll be remembered as this real chill dude that got along with everyone.

Don't try to be cute, or funny unless you actually are.

Good luck.

CongoJack
Nov 5, 2009

Ask Why, Asshole


rain dogs posted:

Party protip just for you op: before you go to the party, just divorce your wife so maybe she can find someone who isn't a miserable shutin and you can get back to playing Dota or whatever it is your ilk does.

Ever consider that his wife did something extremely terrible in a past life and deserves her fate?? Best not to mess around with stuff like that especially this time of year.

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008


Nap Ghost

Armitag3 posted:

Here's how you fake being a people person OP: no matter how much you don't care, ask questions. About their job, their hobbies, where they got that wristwatch, or that tattoo, or if they've seen the Squid Game ("I haven't, please tell me what it's about!"). People will talk for hours, and all you need to do is occasionally do a "uh-huh". You'll be remembered as this real chill dude that got along with everyone.

Don't try to be cute, or funny unless you actually are.

Good luck.

gently caress him. be what ever you want for Halloween.
The last times I dressed up I was, Raul Duke, Patrick Bateman, and Arthur Dent

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008


Nap Ghost

I was also a homicidal maniac. They look just like everyone else

BIG TIT LIL NIP
Oct 5, 2005






Seth Pecksniff posted:

Dip your balls in the punch

a good way to taste test without drinking all that sugar

Nooner
Mar 26, 2007

An A+ Spooky Poster (:

Sid Vicious posted:

if you go dreased as a populat charcter you might have sex (:

Weka
May 5, 2019

And if you gaze long into an abyss, you will say `look, no ring.`

Dress yourself as a misanthropic character from popular media and then you can pretend you are merely 'in character' when you are an arsehole. Sorry I am too hip to consume popular media so I cannot advise you as to which one.

Alternately, dress as a popular character with a catch phrase. Only say that phrase. Your wife's 'normy' friends will love it.

Bad Purchase
Jun 17, 2019





costume idea: pig with huge balls

Icochet
Mar 18, 2008

I have a very small TV. Don't make fun of it! Please don't shame it like that~


Grimey Drawer

Bring an acoustic guitar

Bad Purchase
Jun 17, 2019





costume idea: an acoustic guitar that other people at the party can play

ohnobugs
Feb 22, 2003




Try a scent-based costume

Outpost22
Oct 11, 2012

RIP Screamy You were too good for this world.


So we're allowed to have parties now?!

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

Wear a self aware covid virus costume, tell everyone that you'll see them in ICU,

syntaxfunction
Oct 27, 2010


I got invited to a Halloween party too OP. I'm gonna dress kind of witchy and sexy. Probably talk to some people, vibe, have a good time. It's gonna be rad!

I'm glad you're gonna do the same thing and socialise with people that invited you, because it's a fun thing to be social with people! Good job OP!

kntfkr
Feb 11, 2019

GOOSE FUCKER


I didn't get invited to poo poo.

Why does your wife hate you?

Junk
Dec 20, 2003

Listen to reason, man. Why make your job difficult?

just eat a little poo

Weka
May 5, 2019

And if you gaze long into an abyss, you will say `look, no ring.`

Go as a baby and poop your pants as your exit move.

Jesustheastronaut!
Mar 9, 2014






Lipstick Apathy

Twat McTwatterson posted:

rs. I never used to be so asocial and unfriendly, but it's just what I've evolved into. I don't really want to go obviously, but my wife wants to. Have to make her not hate me for one day at least.

Anyhoo, I don't like staying up late or doing anything that fucks up my routine or schedule. And I really don't want to talk to anyone, but at least I can look at some hot chicks while I'm there and have some womanly contact with someone who is not my wife. That's probably makes it worth going.

So I'm just going to walk in, immediately take a shot of strong liquor, over the next 90 minutes drink 1 or 2 beers and then bounce out, wife in tow. Anyone got any tips for socializing? I do enjoy talking about the weather I guess.

lol you sound like you suck, OP.

I would take this guy's advice if I were you


Weka posted:

Go as a baby and poop your pants as your exit move.

Spinz
Jan 7, 2020

CLICK HERE TO PLEASE THE WOMEN IN YOUR LIFE

The Scientist posted:

Be willing to eat (rear end)

Lol

Tiberius Christ
Mar 3, 2009


Go to the party and spend the whole night staring into your drink not talking to anyone and be a downer for anyone who tries

Tree Bucket
Apr 1, 2016



The only thing i hate more than socialising is being thought of as one of those people who hates socialising

Caesar Saladin
Aug 15, 2004



I bet you'll have more fun than you expect after a few drinks OP

EoinCannon
Aug 29, 2008



Grimey Drawer

Maybe this is your first step towards becoming more social again OP. Things go in cycles.

Dr.D-O
Jan 3, 2020


Don't forget your knife.

Amarcarts
Feb 21, 2007

This looks a lot like suffering.


Go as Snake Plissken but then stay dressed up and in character for the rest of your life.

Outpost22
Oct 11, 2012

RIP Screamy You were too good for this world.


Tiberius Christ posted:

Go to the party and spend the whole night staring into your drink not talking to anyone and be a downer for anyone who tries

Just continuously bring up the number of COVID cases/deaths everytime someone tries to talk to you. Also don't wear a costume.

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Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013

yo quiero BEEF



just got invited to a costume party too, op it's where everyone dresses up as someone else or hides from each other or pretends to be something they aren't specifically to pretend to have never had any interaction with me ever

e nm that was just some junk mail

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