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wesleywillis
Dec 30, 2016

SUCK A MALE CAMEL'S DICK WITH MIRACLE WHIP!!


*big manly narrator's voice:
"Jimmy tried, but he couldn't get that pallet up to and on shelf G, so they had to call in a more experienced operator".

/Camera cuts to interview with Jimmy, interspersed with footage of him trying to put a pallet up on "G"

Caption at bottom of the screen reads: 'Jimmy, Apprentice forklift operator"
Skinny balding guy guy with a couple crooked teeth, marlboro hat and nascar shirt

Jimmy: "Well, I tried, but I just couldn't make it"

Clip of Jimmy lifting a pallet and a guy yelling "WHOAWHOAWHOA HOLD IT 'BLEEP'"

Jimmy: "I think I just need some more experience, and I'll be better".
Clip of jimmy backing up the 'lift with the pallet still high and someone saying 'where's Bill, somebody call Bill we need him now'

Clip of Bill rolling up on his 'lift and telling everyone to stand back. Jimmy drops the pallet and backs up his 'lift to a safe distance.

Jimmy: "I'm glad Bill showed up to help, he's got a lot of experience, and he's CERTIFIED, A few more weeks and I'll be certified too, I can't wait"!!

Clip of Bill easily lifting and easing the pallet in to place on "G".

Fat, shaved head tattoo guy with wrap around sunglasses and Goatee
Caption at bottom of screen reads: 'Bill, CERTIFIED Forklift operator'

Bill: "Well, Jimmy's a good guy but he just couldn't handle a complicated lift like this one, so he did the right thing by calling me in"

Clip of Bill giving Jimmy some advice about being a topnotch forklift driver.

Bill: "When the going gets tough, you can really tell the MEN from the BOYS!"

Narrator: Bill is an experienced operator, he's been certified for nearly TWO YEARS now!

Bill: "It's like they say everyone is a forklift operator until the REAL forklift operator shows up, and thats this guy right here"!! *points at himself with both thumbs.


Narrator: 'well, that pallet of decorative Christmas pillows is safe up on "G" until its time to take it down for next year. Jimmy learned a valuable lesson, and Bill shows his worth to the big bosses upstairs.

COMING UP NEXT: At warehouse B there is a crisis in the making, a dock leveler is MALFUNCTIONING! Will they get it fixed and the truck unloaded of its critical cargo in time? Will they have another dock to unload it at available? Will they be able to "Git R Dun"??!?!?!
Stay tuned!!

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20 Blunts
Jan 21, 2017


Gotta hop out the cab and adjust the forks to haul this huge piece of poo poo post!!!

EorayMel
May 29, 2015

An excited little mouse!


wesleywillis posted:

*big manly narrator's voice:
"Jimmy tried, but he couldn't get that pallet up to and on shelf G, so they had to call in a more experienced operator".

/Camera cuts to interview with Jimmy, interspersed with footage of him trying to put a pallet up on "G"

Caption at bottom of the screen reads: 'Jimmy, Apprentice forklift operator"
Skinny balding guy guy with a couple crooked teeth, marlboro hat and nascar shirt

Jimmy: "Well, I tried, but I just couldn't make it"

Clip of Jimmy lifting a pallet and a guy yelling "WHOAWHOAWHOA HOLD IT 'BLEEP'"

Jimmy: "I think I just need some more experience, and I'll be better".
Clip of jimmy backing up the 'lift with the pallet still high and someone saying 'where's Bill, somebody call Bill we need him now'

Clip of Bill rolling up on his 'lift and telling everyone to stand back. Jimmy drops the pallet and backs up his 'lift to a safe distance.

Jimmy: "I'm glad Bill showed up to help, he's got a lot of experience, and he's CERTIFIED, A few more weeks and I'll be certified too, I can't wait"!!

Clip of Bill easily lifting and easing the pallet in to place on "G".

Fat, shaved head tattoo guy with wrap around sunglasses and Goatee
Caption at bottom of screen reads: 'Bill, CERTIFIED Forklift operator'

Bill: "Well, Jimmy's a good guy but he just couldn't handle a complicated lift like this one, so he did the right thing by calling me in"

Clip of Bill giving Jimmy some advice about being a topnotch forklift driver.

Bill: "When the going gets tough, you can really tell the MEN from the BOYS!"

Narrator: Bill is an experienced operator, he's been certified for nearly TWO YEARS now!

Bill: "It's like they say everyone is a forklift operator until the REAL forklift operator shows up, and thats this guy right here"!! *points at himself with both thumbs.


Narrator: 'well, that pallet of decorative Christmas pillows is safe up on "G" until its time to take it down for next year. Jimmy learned a valuable lesson, and Bill shows his worth to the big bosses upstairs.

COMING UP NEXT: At warehouse B there is a crisis in the making, a dock leveler is MALFUNCTIONING! Will they get it fixed and the truck unloaded of its critical cargo in time? Will they have another dock to unload it at available? Will they be able to "Git R Dun"??!?!?!
Stay tuned!!

The fourth line could use a little adjusting

Yaldabaoth
Oct 9, 2012

I bring my hyperbolic handwringing into every thread I can! No matter how tangential the topic, I'll shoehorn it in there.


Forklift drivers huff their own farts so much that it's surprising this hasn't been done by now.

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008


Nap Ghost

I got to watch a video before I can be a forklift operator. Thats what my boss says

Aardvark!
May 17, 1993




Aardvark!
May 17, 1993




My name's John. John Forklift. I guess you can say, my job just kind of found me. :smuggo:

SRQ
Nov 9, 2009



I get caught ramming the fork up Jerry's rear end and the real surprising part is this isn't the first time and also he can take that thing about two feet deep.
what a man

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008


Nap Ghost

I don't understand how being a forklift operator will hurt my feelings.

Funky Valentine
Feb 26, 2014

Dojyaa~an



I got a job driving a forklift here to get leads on the man called Lan Di, who murdered my father.

RepeatingMeme
Dec 27, 2012

Have u seen thos pig balls tho







Episode 2: they accidentally missed editing out one of the many slurs casually dropped every day during post production and now theyre on thin ice with the network execs

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008


Nap Ghost

Funky Valentine posted:

I got a job driving a forklift here to get leads on the man called Lan Di, who murdered my father.

kill that mother fucker and get back to us

You Are A Elf
Apr 26, 2010

Black Gold!


*out in the yard far away from the main building, my forklift runs out of propane*

“Well, sh-[BEEP].”

*unscrews the propane tank and has the camera crew follow me back to the main building on foot where I exchange tanks and make the trek back to the forklift*

“That was a fu-[BEEP] ordeal!”

Smugworth
Apr 18, 2003

Well, I've got brain damage on the side of my brain, and I don't know which side, left or right, where I huffed gasoline for ten long years.




*talking to camera* I'm plum ticked off Kevin keeps getting all the good fork shifts. I'm going to go up to that office and give Craig a piece of my mind.

runnypoops
Mar 26, 2016

been there. done that. prove yourself to me.

I am a forklift driver. All our forklifts broke trying to life OPs mom and now I’m unemployed :(

Smugworth
Apr 18, 2003

Well, I've got brain damage on the side of my brain, and I don't know which side, left or right, where I huffed gasoline for ten long years.




*lunch alarm sounds inside warehouse*

Kevin: what you got for lunch, Frank? I think my wife packed me leftovers again, ugh.

Frank: That sucks, I stopped at Subway and got a foot long "Cali Fresh" turkey sub.

Kevin: Aw man, the new one loaded with oven roasted turkey, hickory smoked bacon, smashed avocado, BelGioioso® Fresh Mozzarella, mayo, and baby spinach? Lucky!

*pulls out two sandwiches*

Frank: Looks like you're the lucky one this time Kev, Subway is running their BOGO 50% foot long off deal right now so I got two!

Milo and POTUS
Sep 3, 2017

I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?


Smugworth posted:

*lunch alarm sounds inside warehouse*

Kevin: what you got for lunch, Frank? I think my wife packed me leftovers again, ugh.

Frank: That sucks, I stopped at Subway and got a foot long "Cali Fresh" turkey sub.

Kevin: Aw man, the new one loaded with oven roasted turkey, hickory smoked bacon, smashed avocado, BelGioioso® Fresh Mozzarella, mayo, and baby spinach? Lucky!

*pulls out two sandwiches*

Frank: Looks like you're the lucky one this time Kev, Subway is running their BOGO 50% foot long off deal right now so I got two!

lol

Nooner
Mar 26, 2007

An A+ Spooky Poster (:

Id probably watch that show

Nooner
Mar 26, 2007

An A+ Spooky Poster (:

Id watch it while drinking too many bud lights and also smoking marlboros indoors

Edmund Sparkler
Jul 4, 2003

It's okay to watch child porn if you don't touch your dick, just raises awareness man.



The entire show should just be drivers running into poo poo and never owning up to it. That would be very realistic.

Elburroman
Dec 27, 2012


S1E18: Fork In The Road

Jacques: We thought we could lift each other up, could lift our SELVES up! Face it Meg, town like this ‘yer either drivin’, or bein’ drivin’.

Meg: I know it Jacky. Oh how’d it ever get to be this way? When I was a kid I used to stare out this window and hope and hope...really hope, that one day grandaddy’d drive home, an’ stick his ol’ forklift - Jasper, that’s what he called it, Jasper Lady - stick the tines right down in the street of our neighborhood and take us somewhere freer’n all this.

/Jimmy Cadillac ramps the ol’ forklift like 50 feet in the air and for one glorious moment it looks like he’s about to stick the cul-de-sac like a big stony suburban turkey. Instead, he pulls off the flip and lands Jasper Lady without a scratch on her, beating Buck Huffer and winning the Fork Off fair and square.

Jacques: drat. drat...just, for one second, I really believed.

Meg: Hmmm. That’s why this tired ol’ Junior Team Lead likes you so much. That kinda faith - the kind you’re wearing on that great big face - that’s uplifting.

nextlevelstart
Feb 26, 2015


Shenmue the tv show?

HORNEY VAPE BRO
Jun 14, 2009



Driving a forklift kicks rear end. All you need is to pass a drug test once and sit through some training and they trust you to cruise around at high speeds with pallets of poo poo while you're hungover and wearing sweat pants. Just don't bust open any liquids or hazmat poo poo and it's all gravy. The supervisors are trying to get out by 3 so just get that poo poo onto the trailer who cares if something gets a little bashed lol. We'll have an in-service about how we're not supposed to stack stuff labeled "Do Not Stack" and then 5 minutes later you're stacking that poo poo to the roof. The most a supervisor says is "put some cardboard between that."

LOLbertsons
Apr 8, 2009



Forklift driving owns.

I once convinced a new guy to stack visqueen (poly plastic membrane) rolls way higher than they should have gone. It was like 50 feet high. The pallets collapsed over the weekend and they owners made him re-palletize all of it and only stack it 40 feet high. LOL.

I had a guy show up in a Chevy truck (maybe a 1500?) and he had racks on the top. He insisted that I load 2 tons of rebar on the rack. I was like "Are you absolutely sure?" He responded "Yeah, I know what I'm doing." Carefully lowered 2 tons of #3 rebar onto the top of his truck as his tires squashed like ripe avocados. That was choice.

LOLbertsons fucked around with this message at 05:07 on Oct 15, 2021

Jesustheastronaut!
Mar 9, 2014






Lipstick Apathy



Forklift *operator*, OP. Thanks

Milo and POTUS
Sep 3, 2017

I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?


That's how you know they're as good as the seals

Kazzah
Jul 15, 2011

Formerly known as
Krazyface


Hair Elf

If you don't like what a I do for a living... ... ...then you can go FORK yourself

Stanley Tucheetos
May 15, 2012



Hi I'm Jim Bob and this here is my forklift. Forking isn't for everyone. You gotta have guts, integrity, and a hard work ethic for this way of life! *proceeds to knock over 50 feet of stacked corrosives and drives away before anyone sees it.*

Boner M
Sep 21, 2021
Probation
Can't post for 30 days!


"One thing I learned in this business; Teach a man to drive a forklift and they usually stop driving my wife behind my back. Hell of a thing a living wage" - Ken, 65, Forklift driver & site manager.

hotdog feet
Nov 3, 2005





I drive in on my fork. Backwards cap, huge penis showing through pants, leather jacket, and a dragon ball z shirt. Also I'm Goku.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

My forklift's hair stands up and turns bright gold and

A Fancy Hat
Nov 18, 2016

Always remember that the former President was dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin



NARRATOR: Jimmy was planning to move this pallet from one side of the warehouse to the other. But there's a problem.

*dramatic music sting*

JIMMY: Who the hell put up this wet floor sign?

NARRATOR: Jimmy must now carefully navigate the treacherous conditions on the warehouse floor. Any loss of control could spell disaster for Jimmy and his precious cargo.

JIMMY: Woahh.... woahhhh... easy there girl. Just hold on a little longer.

NARRATOR: Jimmy expertly avoids the obstacle and delivers the pallet to its intended destination.

JIMMY: Yeah, you know, we run into things like that a lot. The boss man said get this pallet of dildos up to shelf 7G, I had to do it. That's money in my pocket right there, can't let a wet floor sign take food from my kids' mouths.

Boner M
Sep 21, 2021
Probation
Can't post for 30 days!


Tom Of Finland, the new name in Forklift Technology

Takes the full load, every time!

Malcolm Excellent
May 20, 2007




Buglord

"For over 25 years I've been forking my way up the east coast, and I've forked loads from over 127 countries. Now I'm looking for the next generation of elite forkers to rise to the challenge, and squeeze in some big loads. I'm Malcolm Excellent, and this is America's Big Forking Challenge: World Tour"

*Royalty Free rock music theme*

Boner M
Sep 21, 2021
Probation
Can't post for 30 days!


A Fancy Hat
Nov 18, 2016

Always remember that the former President was dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin



NARRATOR: Frank is a veteran forklift driver, but considered a "bad boy" of the industry.

FRANK: I've worked all of the big warehouses, but I never stay long. Too many rules for me.

NARRATOR: Today, Frank has been asked to move one pallet, and then carry a second box by hand. Frank, however, has other ideas.

FRANK: Watch this. If I put the box on top of the pallet, I can move both at the same time. I don't get paid by the hour, there's no time to mess around.

*cue an elaborate CGI graphic of a box being placed on a pallet*

NARRATOR: Frank's brilliant idea has just one flaw - he actually is paid by the hour.

Panic! At The Tesco
Aug 19, 2005

Pogchamp



I was doing donuts in reverse on the forklift and it tipped over, throwing me out and then landing on my legs, absolutely obliterating them and leaving me in a wheelchair for life

*dramatic sting*

GetDunked
Dec 16, 2011

"We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time."

https://soundcloud.com/phatcapbeats/yall-ready-for-this-space-jam-song-phatcap-trap-remix?in=anicerobe/sets/you-should-fucking-duck-when


This website broke my brain, I read "Goatee" as :goatsecx:

Buttchocks
Oct 21, 2020

No, I like my hat, thanks.


I get picked to ride on the forks during the team event. The other half of my left boot is finally located eight episodes later.

A Fancy Hat
Nov 18, 2016

Always remember that the former President was dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin



I'm the grizzled vet of the forklift industry. I wear a leather jacket with my nickname, FORKS O'PLENTY, emblazoned on it.

I also have a fuckup son who very obviously was forced into the forklift industry and resents me for it.

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Smugworth
Apr 18, 2003

Well, I've got brain damage on the side of my brain, and I don't know which side, left or right, where I huffed gasoline for ten long years.




"Fork you," I say for the 20th time today to someone.

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