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Big Scary Owl
Oct 1, 2014

Too scary



Where are the good porn games? What gives? It's the 21st century and most of them are lovely. Why aren't AAA porn games a thing yet

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The Bananana
May 21, 2008

This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.





Big Scary Owl posted:

Where are the good porn games? What gives? It's the 21st century and most of them are lovely. Why aren't AAA porn games a thing yet

Let's all pitch in and make one!

epic 2012 username
Mar 26, 2021
Probation
Can't post for 28 days!


Come play EverQuest mlord

Malcolm Excellent
May 20, 2007




Buglord

The current porn games make people cum in 5 minutes or less. If they were any higher quality they would be weapons used to make the masses cum near instantly, repeated.

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

Our grasp of teledildonics is simply not sufficient yet

Hairy Right Hook
Sep 9, 2001

Hee to the ho


They are you just have to move to Japan or change your Steam settings or something I'm not sure exactly how it works but if you go on the right subforums here they'll get you straightened out with no problems I guarantee!!

mom and dad fight a lot
Sep 21, 2006

twenty-six characters long



Who wants to pay for porn

EorayMel
May 29, 2015


It was all downhill after Custers Revenge on the Atari 2600

LordArgh
Mar 17, 2009



Nap Ghost

The Bananana posted:

Let's all pitch in and make one!

swap.exe

I'll start the wiki!

Valko
Sep 17, 2015

A confident little mouse!


Most games I've played required both hands. There is the occasional game like the Heroes of Might and Magic series where you can get away with just using the mouse. BUT... most people wank with their dominant hand - which is their mouse-using hand. Anytime I tried it with my off-hand and it feels like a drunken stranger trying to fondle me.

Also, most games advertise themselves as having 40-60 hours of gameplay while at the same time big hotel chains say the average amount of time a porn film is watched when rented is... 11 minutes. So you get horny, jack off - and then what do you do for the rest of the game?

Anyway - some people are actually trying.

Hairy Right Hook
Sep 9, 2001

Hee to the ho


LordArgh posted:

swap.exe

I'll start the wiki!

You have a virus and you're about to spread it from your butt to the internet

The Bloop
Jul 5, 2004




Valko posted:

most people wank with their dominant hand

Wait

is this true


You can't just drop a factoid like that without evidence

Rutibex
Sep 9, 2001

Official Forums Path of Exile Expert


camgirls are the AAA porn game

Big Scary Owl
Oct 1, 2014

Too scary



I wank with my left one cause the right uses the mouse


Valko posted:

Most games I've played required both hands. There is the occasional game like the Heroes of Might and Magic series where you can get away with just using the mouse. BUT... most people wank with their dominant hand - which is their mouse-using hand. Anytime I tried it with my off-hand and it feels like a drunken stranger trying to fondle me.

Also, most games advertise themselves as having 40-60 hours of gameplay while at the same time big hotel chains say the average amount of time a porn film is watched when rented is... 11 minutes. So you get horny, jack off - and then what do you do for the rest of the game?

Anyway - some people are actually trying.

I didn't know about Subverse, I wonder what the gameplay-porn ratio is like

BluesShaman
Apr 25, 2016

She wore Blue Velvet.


Big Scary Owl
Oct 1, 2014

Too scary



For example, how about a porn idle game? With tons of loving and weird poo poo going on. Numbers go up, dopamine go up, cum go up, everyone wins


I had it and I enjoyed it very much thank you

BluesShaman
Apr 25, 2016

She wore Blue Velvet.


HuniePop is legitimately a great game. Fun match-3/dating game hybrid. Good writing, and great voice acting.

Ziggy Smalls
May 24, 2008

If pain's what you
want in a man,
Pain I can do


There's a game on Steam called Lust Epidemic. That sounds pretty porny to me.

Slayerjerman
Nov 27, 2005

...and spelling lessons.


Several years ago I was on a dev team building a horny version of clash of clans. But the client/publisher wouldn't listen to us when we told them Apple/Google would reject it...

We had completed our dev cycle and when it came time for that sweet release :jizz: both Apple and Google cockblocked it as expected and last I heard the client/publisher folded because they put all of their eggs in this one horny basket.

We tried to discuss ports to PC, but of course with all the MTX tomfoolery it wouldn't have mattered

Hairy Right Hook
Sep 9, 2001

Hee to the ho


I know this sounds weird but hear me out: Big. Horny. Lizards.

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

Idk that'll never work unless you bolt some breasts on

Gutcruncher
Apr 16, 2005

Go home and be a family man!


If youíre enough of a pervert, every game is a porn game

I havenít played a non-porn game in decades!

Haschel Cedricson
Jan 4, 2006

Brinkmanship



Solar Tornado
Aug 9, 2016

A true fool keeps on fighting, even when there is no more glory to be gained

I'm pretty sure all the Meet n' gently caress games are still on Newgrounds.

Get porn for answering trivia questions correctly. Peak flash-based porn games.

Saalkin
Jun 29, 2008




https://store.steampowered.com/app/1085750/Sex_with_Stalin/

Junk
Dec 20, 2003

Listen to reason, man. Why make your job difficult?

The Bananana posted:

Let's all pitch in and make one!

swap.exe

Who What Now
Sep 10, 2006



turning a big dial taht says "butthole thickness" on it and constantly looking back at the audience for approval like a contestant on the price is right

down n out
Sep 16, 2008



Nap Ghost

Itís definitely out there, but itís all renpy and rpg maker and gets stale fast. Imagine a triple-a COD style first person where instead of a gun itís a dildo, and you press f to gently caress.

SidneyIsTheKiller
Jul 16, 2019

I did fall asleep reading a particularly erotic chapter
in my grandmother's journal.

She wrote very detailed descriptions of her experiences...


Wasn't there a Wii game where you milked a cow? Just turn the screen upside down and you've got a jerking off game

Poohs Packin
Jan 13, 2019



Leisure suit larry had some tits and dicks

Frank Frank
Jun 13, 2001

Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of "meh"



Poohs Packin posted:

Leisure suit larry had some tits and dicks

You could also get AIDS and die in like the first 5 minutes

sugar free jazz
Mar 5, 2008



Edge Master Mayhem is good, itís like The Witness but horny

SetSliRol
Apr 30, 2021


I feel like the biggest problem with porn games, at least the ones that I always see on Steam, is that you mostly gotta do a bunch of trite basic gameplay stuff to see some porn and there's only so many jigsaw puzzles/match 3/guitar hero/dialog boxes you can get through before you remember that the internet exists and you can get all the porn you want in a few clicks. It's kind of like how Playboy just dropped their nudes a few years ago because there's just no use in competing with internet porn.
I have to guess there's a magical ratio between tits/porn/gameplay to actually keep players retained and interested, and also to make the developer actually want to add onto the gameplay to make it worth it. Maybe once a game actually hits that we might see innovation in the field but until then everyone might as well get used to asset flip anime shooters and sliding tile games with stolen art.

Montague Tigg
Mar 23, 2008

You don't own space, so stop acting like you do.



lmao

sugar free jazz
Mar 5, 2008



Pornerlands, the looter-shooter where all the guns are dicks and bullets are cum was a definite 5 star game and the sheer variety of vaginas and buttholes and mouths you fight is actually impressive as are the in game physics and masterfully crafted UX

Lascivious Sloth
Apr 26, 2008



porny games are on steam, weird asian hentai games

Boner M
Sep 21, 2021
Probation
Can't post for 28 days!


lIFE: tHE hIGHEST qUALITY pORN gAME

Bad Purchase
Jun 17, 2019





steam recommends games like this to me now:
https://store.steampowered.com/app/1173400/Futa_Fix_Dick_Dine_and_Dash/

it's because i played hatoful boyfriend, one of hundreds of games in my library, and now they think i want to suck and gently caress all animes

Grevlek
Jan 10, 2004

r1ft w1z4rd


I'm not gonna read any of this but this is the plot of a 30 rock episode

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spouse
Nov 10, 2008

When our turn comes, we shall not make excuses for the terror.



Bad Purchase posted:

steam recommends games like this to me now:
https://store.steampowered.com/app/1173400/Futa_Fix_Dick_Dine_and_Dash/

it's because i played hatoful boyfriend, one of hundreds of games in my library, and now they think i want to suck and gently caress all animes

Why are they always visual novels and puzzle poo poo? As a discerning consumer, I feel what the market needs is a 4X empire building porn game, or maybe that Hand Simulator game but with awkwardly jerking off gargantuan cocks.

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