Bula Vinaka posted:

Tite Barnacle posted:

Cat piss is high on the list but nothing tops being sprayed by a skunk at close range. That happened to me. At the time I had a big white cat, Azzy, who loved to go outside at night for a couple hours and come back in when I went out to smoke my last cig, usually around midnight. It was a routine. So I go to smoke my last cig on the stoop and see a big white shape and say c'mon buddy, time to come in. It wasn't Azzy. It was a skunk with a broad white back that looked quite like the cat I was looking for. I got a full on skunk facial. That is some weaponized unpleasantness. I didn't realize what had happened for a few seconds but then the scent hit me. I puked for a minute or two. Then I stripped naked and left all my clothes in a stinking pile in the yard and tried to clean myself with the garden hose. I still stunk of skunk. Reeked of it. I retrieved Azzy, eventually (He was the smart one, he hid beneath my shitheap car, he knew better than to mess with skunks). I was tired. So I came in, naked, balls to the wind, stinking, leading a terrified old cat to a nice warm bed. Of course my girlfriend had heard the racket, what with the screaming and the skunk and the cat and all. All she said was, it ain't the worst I've seen of you.

Nooner posted:

My rear end covered in crap that got smeared all over it whne i just diarrhead in my pants my stomach hurts so bad

verbal enema posted:

My feet