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LobsterMobster
Oct 29, 2009

"I was being quiet and trying to be a good boy but he dialed the right combination to open the throw-down vault and it was on."

"Walter Foxx is ten times brighter than your bulb at the bottom of the tree merry xmas"


Hey motherfuckers, guess what? This weekend, MMA is giving us SLABS OF DUDES! Let's dig into these offerings of BIG MEATY MEN SLAPPIN MEAT



Konfrontacja Sztuk Walki is starting things off with KSW 64: Pudzianowski vs Bombardier on Saturday, noon Eastern

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjUgVvndsK4

These two muscle monsters were set to fight earlier this year, but it was determined they were too badass to clash at the time, so it got scrapped. Now, both lunkheads are healthy and are gonna smash into each other while sparks fly. I expect it to be a lot like ramming action figures into each other and making explosion noises, which is how I normally spend my Saturday afternoons anyway.

Pudz is the purple former World's Strongest Man, and is into his 3rd decade of fighting, having debuted in 2009. Bombardier, known to his mother as Seigne Ousmane Dia, is a Senegalese wrestling champion. Per Tapology, he was "Hospitalized With Appendicities 30 Minutes Before the Event" Now it looks like that's all cleared up, and Bombardier is putting his undefeated 2-0 record on the line. It is bonkers that I'd ever have the thought "Pudz will need to use his superior technique to win this fight" but here we are, friends, here we are.

Bellator 269 is also on Saturday, starting at 12PM ET



We've got a three-course meal of LORJ LADS here. Things kick off on the prelims with Kirill "Baby Fedor" Sidelnikov taking on Rab Truesdale. Truesdale has a win over somebody called Tony Mustard, while Kirill has a win over the Huggy Bear, Chris Barnett, and losses to the likes of Paul Buentello in 2009 and Sergei Pavlovich in 2017. Sidelnikov skipped the "being a dominant heavyweight" portion of the Fedor career plan, and just dove into "baffling losses to fat guys" section.

Baby Fedor vs Roab is just the appetizer of Bellator 269. The co-main event and I guess in this meal analogy, the premium, up-charged side dish is Said Sowma taking on former Bellator heavyweight champ, Vitaly Minakov. You remember Minakov, right? He won the Bellator heavyweight tournament back when Bellator was on season mode, beat then-champ Alexander Volkov and defended against Cheick Kongo in 2014 before skedaddling off to Fight Nights Global for 5 years, getting stripped of the title at some point. Well, in case you'd forgotten, Minakov returned to Bellator in 2019, lost to Kongo, then knocked out Tim Johnson before Covid happened. Minakov is back in the famed Circlegon, looking to expand on his impressive 22-1 record. Said Sowma is A Guy who has lost to Tyrell Fortune and defeated former middlweight Ronny Markes, putting his Bellator record to 1-1.

The MAIN EVENT of Bellator this weekend is FEDOR THE LAST EMPEROR EMELIANENKO taking on Tim "Sizeable Penis Joke" Johnson. Having Extremely A Cop energy, Chungus Tim went 4-3 in the UFC, collecting impressive wins such as Marcelo Golm and Daniel "Oat Meal Lunch Truck" Omielanczuk, while falling to Jared Rosholt and Adult Baby Enthusiast, Junior Albini. Since heading to Scott Coker's Bellator Old Folks Home, Johnson has gone 3-3, splitting wins and losses with Chieck Kongo, plus defeating Matt Mitrione and the possibly not bad Tyrell Fortune. He's also lost to the aforementioned Minakov, and fell short to Valentin Moldavsky in an interim title fight.

Fedor is merely 45 years old and has not fought a regular heavyweight since 2018 (A 48-second dusting of Francisco Santos Mir III). Since then, Fedor beat a middleweight (Chael P Sonnen), and split with 2 light heavyweights (Killed by Fate's favorite punching bag, Ryan Bader, in 35 seconds and trouncing Hampage Jackson in less time than it takes to microwave a Hot Pocket).



UFC is too loving cowardly to give us TRUE BEEF this weekend. However, this Fight Night card, which begins at 1PM ET, has a main event that should look like a heavyweight scrap, as two of the promotion's biggest dinguses square off. Paulo Costa hopefully hasn't had too much wine to face Mad Marvin Vettori, who will be channeling overwhelming rage at the ongoing cancellation of Christopher Columbus, plus the news that Chris Pratt will be voicing Mario in an upcoming movie.

These guys are real dumb, so hopefully they fight that way, throwing out "tactics" and "game plans" and "strategy" in favor of just PONCH HORD



The night ends with RIZIN 31, starting at 12AM ET, Sunday morning. There's only one BEEFMAN contest on that card, and from the looks of things, it's the opener, so you can call it an early night once that goes down. Former sumo Tsuyoshi Sudario, the villain who kicked MINOWAMAN's leg to dust last year, takes on the unknown, enigmatic "Saint". Sudario has had all 4 of his pro fights in the RIZIN ring, going 3-1, possibly thanks to his coach, MMA legend Enson Inoue. Saint is 2-0, having made his pro debut in June of this year in DEEP. I don't purport to know much of the Japanese scene, so by saying "i dont know who this man is" there shouldn't be any judgement on that.

Let's talk turkeyBEEF, forums friends. Hell, not just this weekend's BEEF, let's talk any and all combat sports BIG FELLAS, past, present and future. EMBRACE THE BULK.

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CarlCX
Dec 14, 2003



There are maybe two actual heavyweights of any relevance in Bellator Fedor could conceivably beat, and Johnson is one, and I cannot wait for twitter to explode into another round of how Fedor is back and Arlovski definitely wasn't piecing him up before he got killed.

LobsterMobster
Oct 29, 2009

"I was being quiet and trying to be a good boy but he dialed the right combination to open the throw-down vault and it was on."

"Walter Foxx is ten times brighter than your bulb at the bottom of the tree merry xmas"


CarlCX posted:

There are maybe two actual heavyweights of any relevance in Bellator Fedor could conceivably beat, and Johnson is one, and I cannot wait for twitter to explode into another round of how Fedor is back and Arlovski definitely wasn't piecing him up before he got killed.





dear lord, i had no idea jake hager was in the top 10 rankings, jesus

CarlCX
Dec 14, 2003



There are maybe three actual heavyweights of any relevance in Bellator Fedor could conceivably beat, and Johnson is one, and I cannot wait for twitter to explode into another round of how Fedor is back and Arlovski definitely wasn't piecing him up before he got killed.

Eat This Glob
Jan 14, 2008

God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. Who will wipe this blood off us? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we need to invent?



Lipstick Apathy

I don't watch really any bellator (last fight was shamrock getting kicked in the dick by royce or dada/kimbo, which ever was most recent) but ryan "lost to old man tito" bader is both a heavyweight and the hw champ? what a world

LobsterMobster
Oct 29, 2009

"I was being quiet and trying to be a good boy but he dialed the right combination to open the throw-down vault and it was on."

"Walter Foxx is ten times brighter than your bulb at the bottom of the tree merry xmas"


Eat This Glob posted:

I don't watch really any bellator (last fight was shamrock getting kicked in the dick by royce or dada/kimbo, which ever was most recent) but ryan "lost to old man tito" bader is both a heavyweight and the hw champ? what a world

He was, for a brief moment, the heavy AND light heavyweight champ. He lost the LHW belt to Vadim Nemkov via thorough asskicking.

Eat This Glob
Jan 14, 2008

God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. Who will wipe this blood off us? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we need to invent?



Lipstick Apathy

ryan bader champ-champ?! im glad the power of WREAM still applies even in a post khabib mma world

Southpaugh
May 26, 2007

Smokey Bacon




Finally somewhere to post about Alexander Romanov.

LobsterMobster
Oct 29, 2009

"I was being quiet and trying to be a good boy but he dialed the right combination to open the throw-down vault and it was on."

"Walter Foxx is ten times brighter than your bulb at the bottom of the tree merry xmas"


*slamming knife and fork on table*

beef
Beef
BEEF


https://twitter.com/KSW_MMA/status/1451598537167446021

Digital Jedi
May 28, 2007

Wow....that feels good






Fallen Rib

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tviyAIS9c_U

Pamela Springstein
Aug 10, 2016

just wanted to be
a happy camper



who was the original Lamentable Dust Man? Bob sapp wasn't it?

LobsterMobster
Oct 29, 2009

"I was being quiet and trying to be a good boy but he dialed the right combination to open the throw-down vault and it was on."

"Walter Foxx is ten times brighter than your bulb at the bottom of the tree merry xmas"


BEEF TIME IS HERE

PUDZIAN VS BOMBARDIER

LobsterMobster
Oct 29, 2009

"I was being quiet and trying to be a good boy but he dialed the right combination to open the throw-down vault and it was on."

"Walter Foxx is ten times brighter than your bulb at the bottom of the tree merry xmas"


:saddowns:

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Digital Jedi
May 28, 2007

Wow....that feels good






Fallen Rib

What a sad day for us all

https://twitter.com/arielhelwani/status/1452029778354114564?s=20

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