quote:

I'm not sure if this is the correct subreddit to post so correct me if I'm wrong but I do need advice on this topic.

My [26F] and my boyfriend [28M] have been dating for a little over a year. However, before we met/started dating, he had already been saving up to buy a house in the future. He and I both currently live at our respective families' homes (we both reside in Arizona) and at around our 11-month mark in our relationship, we started talking about the next steps that included moving in together.

Now, personally, I'm not in a financially secure spot at the moment to buy a house just yet, he told me that while it would be under his name, he still wants me to move in with him. I understand that this would basically be a situation where I'm paying a monthly rent to him. I'm not sure what are the next steps to take about asking the right questions in order to make sure that I am safe and protected when he buys this home and I move in with him. We both have communicated that we are committed to one another and see ourselves building a future together but if in the event we break up, I want to make sure I don't get screwed over financially or what not? I'm not even sure if I'm phrasing this correctly either so if someone has been in a situation similar, how did you go about planning this out?

Anything helps, or if a better subreddit is more applicable, let me know. Thanks!

TL;DR: moving into boyfriend's home he wants to buy that is under his own name. (I'm not financially in a position to buy a home just yet). While he wants me to move in with him, how do I make sure I am protected and won't get screwed over if in the event something bad happens where I'm not legally bound to anything or if in the event we break up?

EDIT: thanks everyone for their thoughts and opinions! nothing is set in stone yet on the move, its all still in the talks. i just made this post so i can prep myself for when we do discuss the logistics since i have little knowledge on this sort of thing. i definitely learned a lot and thats the beauty of reddit. i appreciate all the advice and different perspectives.

quote:

I admit I posted a version of this on the relationship subreddit the other day, but they closed it with no explanation, I assume because they just decided it was fake. I can see how they might think that, but this is a true thing that happened and is happening, and now there is more to it because I actually got broken up with over it.

With all that is going on, we had stocked up on supplies, including some canned goods. I ordered a few weeks ago 30 cans of beans. 10 are black beans, 10 are kidney beans, and 10 are pink beans. Also, I ordered 15 cans of chickpeas. I thought this is a reasonable amount of beans and chickpeas to have every now and then and would last for quite some time.

However earlier this week I opened the cabinet because I wanted to make a vegetarian chili using two cans of beans, but all of the beans were gone. What the hell?

I asked my girlfriend and she told me she buried all of the beans in the woods.

At first I thought she was joking, but she explained, no, she had buried the beans in the woods. WTF?

I asked her to explain and she told me she was afraid that "if things get bad" we might have to worry about "looters or whatever" and that the beans would be in danger of being stolen. I said I thought this was completely ridiculous and unlikely. She became angry at me and said she "is protecting our beans."

According to her logic, the beans are safely buried in the woods behind our apartment complex, and if we ever need some beans she will go to the "stash" and dig up a can or two, but would prefer if we save them all for "if things get worse".

I said why only bury the beans, why not bury our more valuable items? She said the canned food was most valuable for long-term means, and that since we get fresh food in our online grocery deliveries, it would make sense to continue to stockpile beans. She intends to go bury more beans in the woods every week.

This was too insane for me and I got very upset. I demanded to know where the beans were buried, and she refused to tell me. She said if I knew she was afraid I'd dig them up, I said drat right I would. She said "I will never jeopardize the beans."

The following day I tried to put my foot down, and I'm not usually a foot downer but there are rare issues where compromise is out of the question, and I foolishly decided this was one of those issues. I demanded to know where the beans were buried and I told her if she was going to bury beans I paid for in the woods that I would move out. We fought about it and I kept insisting.

In hindsight I should have just let it go and created my own hidden stash of beans in the apartment, and given her time to maybe cool down about this bean burying scenario, but I blew it all out of proportion. Yeah it's weird to bury beans in the woods but why did I have to press it? What's the harm at the end of the day? In the grand scheme of things? But I kept demanding her to take me to the beans, or at least draw a map or something, and finally she BROKE UP WITH ME. Over the beans. I have lost the love of my life because I couldn't let the drat beans go. I am in disbelief. She moved out. Not only am I heartbroken but I am now paying full rent instead of 50% which is a huge financial issue for me.

TL;DR - I kept demanding that my girlfriend show me where she buried the beans in the woods and she got so angry at me that she ended our relationship and moved out. My heart is shattered and my finances are jeopardized because of a bean hoard.

quote:

TLDR; I'm married to my former boss. Parents did not take the marriage as well as I'd hoped and ignored me for 5 years, only to reach out when they saw a 5th anniversary facebook post that mentioned our kids. Do I let them back in, or do I ignore them?

My husband (30m) used to be my boss. About 9 years ago I started working as his assistant. We spent about 2.5 years ignoring our mutual attraction until we gave in. We then went to HR, who reassigned me, and the whole thing was strictly above board from the time we began dating. I got pregnant about a year later, and my husband and I decided to just get married. While we'd only really been dating for about 1.5 years, we knew each other completely, loved each other, lived together, and there was a baby on the way. We knew how it would look, but I had to leave the company anyway due to problems with my new boss, so we didn't anticipate this causing any issues, except with my parents.

They (62m/57f) have always been overprotective, so I knew they wouldn't like me dating my boss, and hadn't told them, but I had to tell them if I wanted them at my wedding. We decided to be mostly honest with them, about how it was strictly professional until it wasn't, how the second it got unprofessional we went to HR, how he had never taken advantage of me, but now we wanted to get married and we wanted them there. We did not mention the baby, because I felt that giving them that information in addition to the rest all at once would just break them. I was only about 4 months along when the wedding happened, so the bump was easily hidden by a flowy dress.

The wedding itself went off without a hitch, and apart from my mother pulling me into the bathroom shortly before the ceremony to ask if I was sure about this, which I said I was, my parents seemed to take it well. The ceremony and reception were at 2 different venues, and we had to travel from one to the other, and my parents never arrived at the reception. I called them and got ignored, and then my brother called them and they told him that they were going home. I don't remember the exact reason they gave but it amounted to them being tired and uncomfortable. I tried contacting them after the wedding, but found that I was blocked on everything except email, which I used to send them a long letter essentially saying that I'm an adult who made an adult choice and I hope they can respect that.

5 years later, I have not heard from my parents since my wedding. My husband and I are not big on social media in general but I recently posted something for our 5th anniversary in which I mentioned our 2 kids and third on the way. Within a month of making this post, my parents left a voicemail saying they saw the post, and, having had no idea that they had grandchildren previously, now want to meet them. I haven't responded and there have been a few follow ups since then asking why I haven't.

I don't know what to do, but my gut instinct is that 5 years is too long, and it's about the kids, not about them respecting my choices or relationship. However, I can't help but feel that I'm being unfair, and my brother agrees, because I told them in my email that if they could learn to respect my choice and my marriage eventually, then we could talk, and now I'm retroactively applying a time limit.

Should I reach out to them? If I did, how would we go about rebuilding the relationship?

Zurtilik posted:

Roommate poisoned my betta fish

Barudak posted:

Cockblox'd.

cumshitter posted:

In the comments denture OP admits the husband wanted to be able to bite through chair legs and that he had previously worked as a carnival geek.

Funktastic posted:

after an employee died, her team has driven off anyone we hire to replace her

Dongsturm posted:

I have no idea what is going on here, but I'm going to guess that anyone who holds onto a grudge for 10+ years is probably the real psycho.

quote:

throwaway because he uses reddit and also because this is kind of embarrassing?

tl;dr - my boyfriend won't stop speaking in a stupid "tough guy" italian american accent and is starting to make up fake italian-sounding words. i'm really annoyed / worried if this might be a red flag

Okay to preface this, I love my boyfriend and he is a super sweet, nice, smart guy that I feel lucky to have but his behavior lately is freaking me out and makes me worried for the future.

My boyfriend loves movies, especially mob movies. He has all of the Sopranos DVDs at his place and I'm pretty sure he still watches them that way. That's fine, obviously you can watch and enjoy whatever you want. But last week he saw "The Irishman" with some friends and since then he will NOT stop talking in like a fake stereotypical mobster accent. We were in an uber the night after going out to dinner and admittedly the driver was going a little fast but my boyfriend kept muttering things like "Who's this loving guy, huh? Dale Earnhardt Jr over here" and shouting "HO!" as we took corners. He would NOT shut up and even gave the driver a one-star review saying it was about "respect."

Everyone has their quirks, I get it, and they can be what makes someone special. At first it was even kind of cute / funny but I just can't really understand this shift all of a sudden. It's been a week and he continues to make asides in this voice and when he gets drunk he speaks in made up Italian. Like we were having desert at my sister's and he came up to me and said "Hey, ma, I gotta get home and hit the drippini." I'm the DD (I don't drink) so I asked him why he wants to leave and what a drippini is ??? His response was "Ya know, like a shower." Drippini is NOT a word! In ANY language! He also never called me "ma" before ever and now he does it almost all the time. I feel crazy, like is this going to be a permanent feature of his personality now?

I know this sounds incredibly stupid compared to some of other serious issues on here but I am just really nervous about what this means about his personality / mental health. He really is a sweet loving guy with a wonderful family and we have a lot in common but just like, I don't even know how to begin to approach this. I want to tell him off and be like why do you keep doing this voice can you please stop. We don't live together so thankfully it's not a constant thing but like, what if we did and it was?? Is this the kind of thing you just deal with when its someone you love?

EDIT: I just want to add that he's NOT italian at all either so im also worried people will get offended when we're out or something

Dewgy posted:

Sorry to hear you have disrespect problems grandpa.

Winter Stormer posted:

Dude is clearly the one rear end in a top hat in this story, but also I think it's kind of weird to go topless around your seven-year-old



My [30s F] with my parents [60s M/F], they have been intrusive and problematic since I had my baby [0,F]

This will end in estrangement

the holy poopacy posted:

feels like a no brainer tbh. kids taste like garbage and they're so much work for the little bit of meat on the bone, frankly I don't know how witches manage.

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

Cowslips Warren posted:

AITA for not having a traditional wedding even though my fiance wants one?

Wow, I see a long marriage here.

ad090 posted:

AITA For not agreeing on what my fiance wants to do on our wedding day?

Zulily Zoetrope posted:

I had a wire retainer that fell out when I was a kid, and never got it replaced or properly removed, so I've still got a bit of permanent glue on the back of my canines. I don't think anyone knows this about me, despite it not being anything secret or personal, because it has never come up in conversation and I don't know why anyone would need to be told.

Except you guys. You are the only ones to know this.

IOwnCalculus posted:

As bad as that is, I'm hung up on the very first part. Who the gently caress would let someone poo poo on their spouse's appearance for 15 minutes? I can't fathom carrying on any conversation with someone like that. At best I'd give them the benefit of a sudden onset of foot-in-mouth disease, but if they actually persisted that'd be a "this conversation is over, leave immediately and lose my phone number on the way out".

Arsenic Lupin posted:

AITA for telling my fiancé I won’t attend his brother’s wedding not even 3 months before ours ?

Weddings should be banned. You can get married, but you can't have a wedding. So there.