kntfkr posted:

Everyone above this post is an rear end in a top hat.

Barudak posted:

Let the record show: Barudak, also known as B. Arudak, Baru Dak, and in the duchy of vergonia Kadurab,

Zurtilik posted:

On the other hand, one Busch Light will probably get you less buzzed than a Pepsi.

pentyne posted:

Wasn't there an AAM about some middle manager who organized a happy hour or something, was encouraging everyone to eat some weed edibles, then surprised then with a drug test the next day?

OP posted:

Three of my reports (two staff and their team manager) were sent to a two-day conference on the other side of the state. According to one of the staff, Sally, when they were back at the hotel after the first day the team manager invited the two of them into his room and offered them a joint to smoke with him. Sally declined, her colleague did not. Sally told the front desk what her manager and colleague were doing, and the hotel called the police after confirming it. Sally checked out and took a Greyhound back to our city because she was so upset. She showed me and my boss a photo of the team manager smoking the joint and stated she was angry and upset at having an illegal drug pushed at her and pressured to use it.

Our state has not legalized marijuana for medical or recreational purposes. Both Sally’s team manager and colleague were arrested for possession. They were also given a reprimand for behaving that way on a work trip. Sally stated her objections to the fact they were not fired and reiterated her dislike of marijuana. She has put in for a transfer and stated if she is not given one, she will quit.

I agree it was inappropriate, but I think Sally is overreacting. I disagree with the marijuana laws in this state and believe in legalization. I partake myself occasionally. I understand it was completely inappropriate on a work trip and she shouldn’t have been pressured, but I think Sally is going way overboard with her crusade and telling the hotel and everything. How do I talk to her and address this with her? I’m also upset that she left the conference and came home early. I would have told her to decline it but to stay for the second day and privately talk to me after the conference.

Alison posted:

Oooof.

Yeah, I agree Sally is way overreacting, but I want to be transparent that I’m having trouble parsing out how much of that is colored by my opposition to arresting and jailing adults for marijuana use.

I’m curious to know more about what she means when she says that she was pressured to use marijuana. Does she mean it was simply offered to her? That’s not really pressure, not any more than offering someone a glass of wine when other people are partaking is pressure to drink. But if her boss and/or the coworker were seriously pressuring her (dismissing her no, trying to cajole her into it, or giving her a hard time when she wanted to leave), then yes, that’s messed up.

Either way, though, taking a photo, alerting the hotel, and cutting the trip short and taking a bus back to your city is a pretty extreme reaction, unless there’s more to the story that we don’t know.

But the manager really screwed up here and I’d be having a serious talk with him, because he showed terrible judgment in offering Sally a joint. Given that he didn’t see her reaction coming, he clearly didn’t know her well enough to have been smoking pot around her in the first place (even if there was no pressure whatsoever). You should be upset with him for his lack of judgment.

As for what to do now … well, does it make business sense to transfer Sally? Is the job she wants to be transferred to one that’s open and one that she’d be good at? Do you typically transfer people pretty easily? How’s her performance generally? Is she someone you want to retain? Has she shown good judgment in tricky situations in the past? What are her working relationships going to be like with these colleagues going forward, if she stays where she is and if she moves? In particular, is it realistic for her to keep working for someone who she got arrested? I’d consider all of those factors in deciding whether or not to transfer her.

But if those factors don’t add up to a transfer making sense, I think it’s fine to tell her that you’re not able to give her the transfer and that you understand if that means that she choses not to stay in her job.

As for talking to her about leaving the conference and coming home early and about going overboard in general … I suppose you could frame it as something like, “Let’s talk about how to handle it in the future if you’re uncomfortable with a colleague’s behavior.” But I think you’re better off letting it go. It really doesn’t sound like you’re going to convince her that she was wrong to do those things — and unfortunately the law is on her side on the reporting — so I’d just focus on moving forward from here.

Zurtilik posted:

My (30M) girlfriend's (24F) anime-geek friends (M29-34) drive me crazy and frankly, I want to beat them

OP posted:

Am I crazy? I got beaten up a lot in high school for being the slightest bit nerdy and I've tidied up a lot since then. These guys took it to an extreme I wouldn't even have dreamed of and didn't have it beaten out of them? How is this fair? Why don't people beat the poo poo out of them? Why am I losing my girlfriend to this? I don't know what to do.

Sisal Two-Step posted:

wasn't there a user on here that went by the name of baby mullet?

Solenna posted:

Do you think Reddit would overload from white hot rage if someone posted an AITA as a Christian dealing with a drug problem who cheated on someone?

Or would MLMs and children need to be involved?

blatman posted:

edit: enhance

quote:

Twelve years ago our grandparents died, leaving their beach house to me (37f) and my brother (35m). The place is within drivable distance of my town; my work is such that I can do it remotely a lot of the time; I now have two small children. Because of all these factors, through the years, I’ve been in the beach house much more, basically summering in it, while my brother, who lives much more distant, only crashes occasionally or requests it for a couple of weeks, while I often nipped in through the winter.

My brother is now married to my SIL (25f). My SIL has very specific ideas of what ‘their new married life’ will be like (Pinterest board, custom hashtag for social media, Cricut affirmations pasted around the house). The beach house features prominently in it. Despite their having to drive four hours to get to it, she insists we should ‘divide time equally’ and ‘leave it free if they want it’ and that she may well ‘redecorate to make it more hers’.

I have redecorated that house to suit me. I asked my brother for no money, except for structural issues. There are three bedrooms, so there are no reasons we couldn’t be there together. My brother literally told me he ‘wasn’t there enough to care’ about swapping use of the main bedroom, which is the only seafront one, and in which my husband has built our bed. She wants that particularly, claiming it would be ‘their perfect love nest’.

I think it’s my bedroom and while she’s welcome to my brother’s, she can’t have mine. As well, we had established how to work it, I have built my patterns around it, and I don’t want to change it now. She says she can’t be there while we’re there because ‘it would ruin the feeling of retreat’. My brother is happy with whatever she’s happy with, but I know very well determined opposition on my part will make him back down. (The last discussion we had about it, when I pointedly asked ‘would she like to decoupage ‘live love laugh’ on the kitchen table?’ He winced and left the room).

So if I want to hold on to the house on my terms, I can. But does it make me the rear end in a top hat?

To be clear:

- I don’t object to their being here more
- I don’t object to their having more alone time
- I don’t object to their redecorating their room/bathroom however
- I don’t object to their bringing some things in

But I object to having to swap my room after 12 years, having her overhaul spaces I redecorated and spent money on, and agreeing to a rigid 50/50 schedule when I already know my brother cba with regular long drives.

ETA: you guys: I'm totally fine with being called an AH. But I find it hilarious that people here think my brother is an unfortunate and bullied soul. He left our hometown to strike out on his chosen career. He did wonderfully. He bought a house before me and my husband did. He adores travelling abroad and until he met SIL he wasn't keen on romantic commitment. I'd spend week-ends pottering about the house and he'd fly to Bangkok to hike. And that was wonderful for both of us.

The issue here is that he is conflict-avoidant and unwilling to discuss this with me and my sister in law. I certainly flipped out and I am happy admitting it and bringing discussion back. But believe you me: he wasn't in the beach house because he was having the time of his life elsewhere

ETA 2: right people, I think I heard enough. I have spoken to a mortgage advisor as to how much I should offer, and will discuss it with my husband re using our savings as deposit. I will then offer to my brother when we meet up to discuss (details being firmed up). If I manage, I'll update.

One thing I want to say: it's pretty laughable to me that people so quickly assume I don't know my brother or am strong-arming him or bullying him or whatever else. I got use of the house, and he got someone else to maintain his private ensuite for the one to two weeks a year he wanted it. Seaview room might be best for lots, but he rather wanted to annex a bathroom and that's what he did.

They also aren't Airbnb'ing this as some of you suggested. This isn't a random vacation share, it's a well-loved family home that (with my brother's full knowledge, consent, and enjoyment of the fact that everything was clean and lovely and updated every time he came here, which was rarely) I used more and more over the years. I trust my brother to acknowledge that.

As for 'people change when they get married': if this was my brother asking me these things, it would be different. What I got was my SIL swanning in with demands and him murmuring noncommittally in the background. You are all very right I should have brought it to him first though, and that's on me. But I hardly denied his wishes. Because truth is: his wishes haven't changed. They've been together two years and his pattern of using the house hasn't changed, she just thinks it will because now she has redone their main home she wants another project/IG backdrop.

Anyway. Thanks to those of you who engaged in good faith, very much including all the YTAs who managed 5o speak to my relationship with the house without implying I was cheating my brother out of it. Reddit, AITA?

IOwnCalculus posted:

No poo poo. I was thinking YTA right through the bit about the sister being infertile / unable to adopt, but that turned around really loving quickly at the idea that OP's kid should be handed over to the golden child.

Evil Willow posted:

OP posted:

How can you LEGALLY not give me photos of ME

Thumbtacks posted:

anyway he also once told me that if you're not actively cheating on a girlfriend you don't really love her and i never bothered unpacking that, i forgot about that until just now

Zurtilik posted:

People think I'm [23/M] either trans or gay because I choose female characters/avatars in video games

Scaevolus posted:

fiance

killer crane posted:

My wife and I moved into a house where the previous two or three owners got divorced within like 5 years of buying the house. I think I know why- The main bathroom was fairly cramped, but at some point a previous owner installed a very large pedestal sink. So there's no under sink cabinet, and the sink was so wide you couldn't fit more than one person in the bathroom. The whole house had things like that, doors that couldn't latch, outlets that wouldn't work, fixtures that burned out bulbs quickly. They all made life just a little annoying and uncomfortable; the state of the house was sending a subconscious message.

Olewithmilk posted:

I pour food directly from the pan into my mouth, no fuss, no muss.

blackmet posted:

Perfectly possible on an old Hyundai. That the boyfriend was trying to play Fast and Furious with, and probably got into trouble because you can't exactly do that with a 2002 Accent or 2005 Sonata.

Malcolm Excellent posted:

You can't

I CAN

kntfkr posted:

Do you see any success with parents blocking social media? My religion is wanting Mark Zuckerberg to be violently killed but I don't want my kids (0 & 3) to be alienated from their peers. I know I can't block anything because the 3 year old can already remember unlock codes for different devices to sate his youtube addiction, I just want them to grow up being too cool to have or need Facebook, Instagram, Twitter or Snapchat.

A Pack of Kobolds posted:

drat, the British must be really upset at those British confectionery companies for selling out then.

Seth Pecksniff posted:

Excuse me, the United States Constitution, where the SA servers are based,

wizardofloneliness posted:

...and then being upset that only his menu included prices and she got the lady version of the menu without them.

cumshitter posted:

Neito posted:

Why is "Give me your kid" such a common thing? Like, I can understand "Give me your car", I can almost understand "Give me your house", but "Give me your kid" is just insane to me. It's probably because I see a kid as a human being with a soul and a connection and a thing that loves and can be loved, and the real answer is "You're not a psychopath who views kids as a checklist item and property at best", but loving hell.

Invisible Clergy posted:

The site won't let me post it as an embedded image or attachment but this bridezilla post is very funny.

Invisible Clergy posted:

His Divine Shadow posted:

I've had several tetanus shots in my life (FYI reminds me 2021 is supposed to be when I renew them), what's supposed to be worse about those than any other vaccination?

carry on then posted:

It’s also why men being virgins past their early 20s (excluding physical/health, queerness, or religious reasons) is a huge red flag because it means they missed out on some extremely crucial growth and experience that they really should have at that age.

Dazerbeams posted:

Reminder that people should not take carry on then seriously and falling for bait is a failure in internet literacy on your part.

axolotl farmer posted:

"Virginity" is a patriarchal and outdated term. The modern term is sexual debut.

The Maroon Hawk posted:

Seriously, how the poo poo is someone that describes themselves as sex-craved repeatedly having hourslong cuddle sessions with someone and never once making a move?

comforthawk posted:

they had the nerve to yell at me for not getting upset about it.

value-brand cereal posted:

I was curious what the comments were and what else the OP had to say. I found that the post was deleted for some reason? Would anyone mind explaining what the hell this means for someone who doesn't use reddit?

"This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below."

Why is there even a limit on comments? What the hell is karma? Wtf.

carry on then posted:

try behaving like a human and ask the people around if they mind first, don't just rock up to the stereo, put linkin park's entire discography on shuffle, slam the volume to 11 and break the knob off

Jonny Nox posted:

Technically, C++ isn’t a successor to C, it’s an increment of the same language. Hence the name.

Successor was called “JAVA”, I guess.

Batterypowered7 posted:

I thought C# was Microsoft's attempt at Java.

Variable 5 posted:

Girl streamers hiding their boyfriends

At least sex workers get to have relationships outside of work. The Internet was a mistake.