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Boner M
Sep 21, 2021
Probation
Can't post for 24 days!


So im thinkin AFTER the bidet shoot water up your butt it then shoots toilet paper into your crease and dries it.

OR just a bidet that ONLy shoots toilet paper into your rear end crease at a high speed and thus wipes it.

Both good ideas.

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MackAddie
Jul 10, 2001



One word... suction.

hot cocoa on the couch
Dec 8, 2009





thinking about a japanese toilet bidet that blasts your rear end with water and then follows it up with insanely high pressure air to dry it and it has a giant 80s "TURBO" sticker on it so you know it means business

Peggy Edson
Oct 15, 2004
I AM AN UTTERLY PATHETIC TESTAMENT TO HOW SHITTY THESE FORUMS HAVE BECOME. PLEASE PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY.


a bidet that blasts the op's posts away

Torquemada
Oct 21, 2010

Drei Gläser


A big wet lapping tongue, like on a very friendly labrador.

Chrs
Sep 21, 2015



What about a tube you shove up your rear end in a top hat and you poop through the tube so that the poo poo never touches the external area of your rear end at all

frumpykvetchbot
Feb 20, 2004

PROGRESSIVE SCAN

Upset Trowel

IDK I'm thinking something industrial and futuristic. Can this be adapted for bathroom use?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACGSzBXKONo

Boner M
Sep 21, 2021
Probation
Can't post for 24 days!


hot cocoa on the couch posted:

thinking about a japanese toilet bidet that blasts your rear end with water and then follows it up with insanely high pressure air to dry it and it has a giant 80s "TURBO" sticker on it so you know it means business

25mhz rear end wipe? Lets take this one to 30! lowers assglasses

BrassRoots
Jan 9, 2012

You can play a shoestring if you're sincere - John Coltrane

What about some UV light too so you can achieve that most desirable crack tan.

Smugworth
Apr 18, 2003

Well, I've got brain damage on the side of my brain, and I don't know which side, left or right, where I huffed gasoline for ten long years.




I think it'd be great if he actually wiped out student loan debt

Seth Pecksniff
May 27, 2004

The human face is, after all, nothing more nor less than a mask.


My Build Back Bidet plan will lift all Americans to poo poo free cracks

Boner M
Sep 21, 2021
Probation
Can't post for 24 days!


Seth Pecksniff posted:

Build Back Bidet

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004


here he comes
and he's gone again


Nap Ghost

what if it's a bidet that shoots diarrhea back up your butthole

Bloopsy
Jun 1, 2006

you have been visited by the Spooky Garlic Bread. you will be cursed by having bad Garlic Bread in your life time, but only if you comment "ty garlic bread" in the thread below

I want to install bidets in my toilets but dont know which one to buy. Please help.

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004


here he comes
and he's gone again


Nap Ghost

well tbh i've used both the brondell s1000 and the biobidet supreme bb-1000 and the latter is superior (also currently $200 more than i paid for mine)

features i value:
- heated seat
- heated water
- adjustable position, spray and auto movement function

features i don't value:
- super strong blast power
- heated dry function (it's just evaporating poop and pee water off your butt and it rises up into your face)

basically a lot of the high-end features aren't really needed, other than the heated seat

Boner M
Sep 21, 2021
Probation
Can't post for 24 days!


Mozi posted:

features i value:
- heated seat
- heated water
- adjustable position, spray and auto movement function

The Jocasta 339, with WiFi (its 2021) has all of these features, is slightly more expensive but it has a Kotatsu feature. (and WiFi)

hot cocoa on the couch
Dec 8, 2009





Bloopsy posted:

I want to install bidets in my toilets but dont know which one to buy. Please help.

i hate your new av so much, it's physically revolting (mission accomplished i guess?)

Dang It Bhabhi!
May 27, 2004

Every idiot can count to one.


A bidet but it has a cat's tongue full of grit and you have NEVER felt cleaner in your whole life!

Boner M
Sep 21, 2021
Probation
Can't post for 24 days!


A Bidet that just sucks your full rear end and some of your back and legs even like a huge mouth sensually sucking a chuppa chup

Bags Fly at Noon
Apr 6, 2011

this kills the crab

Sure, they're visually impressive, but a lot of posters find large avatars physically uncomfortable. Furthermore, the owners of large avatars often rely on their size alone and don't bother to develop more refined posting techniques.







The gently caress does a bidet need Wi-Fi for?

Boner M
Sep 21, 2021
Probation
Can't post for 24 days!


Bags Fly at Noon posted:

The gently caress does a bidet need Wi-Fi for?

Heh

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004


here he comes
and he's gone again


Nap Ghost

i need to sync my anal profile with my facebook account to access hot new bidet avatars for my Oculus

Boner M
Sep 21, 2021
Probation
Can't post for 24 days!


"I call it my Bid-Yay!" says this woman photographed earlier

Dang It Bhabhi!
May 27, 2004

Every idiot can count to one.


Bags Fly at Noon posted:

The gently caress does a bidet need Wi-Fi for?

So master can control the sucking.

Boner M
Sep 21, 2021
Probation
Can't post for 24 days!


Mozi posted:

i need to sync my anal profile with my facebook account to access hot new bidet avatars for my Oculus

Get a VPN

Bloopsy
Jun 1, 2006

you have been visited by the Spooky Garlic Bread. you will be cursed by having bad Garlic Bread in your life time, but only if you comment "ty garlic bread" in the thread below

Bags Fly at Noon posted:

The gently caress does a bidet need Wi-Fi for?

So it can upload your toilet time activities to your pre-selected streaming sites.

Dang It Bhabhi!
May 27, 2004

Every idiot can count to one.


I need a bidet for the shunting.

Boner M
Sep 21, 2021
Probation
Can't post for 24 days!


The WiFi tracks turds per minute

^ can be callibrated to seconds with a simple hack

Bags Fly at Noon
Apr 6, 2011

this kills the crab

Sure, they're visually impressive, but a lot of posters find large avatars physically uncomfortable. Furthermore, the owners of large avatars often rely on their size alone and don't bother to develop more refined posting techniques.







Bloopsy posted:

So it can upload your toilet time activities to your pre-selected streaming sites.

The Awful app already uploads my posts

Boner M
Sep 21, 2021
Probation
Can't post for 24 days!


Bags Fly at Noon posted:

The Awful app already uploads my posts

lets keep the spicy to making diarrhea, LOL

Dang It Bhabhi!
May 27, 2004

Every idiot can count to one.


Boner M posted:

The WiFi tracks turds per minute

^ can be callibrated to seconds with a simple hack

The Awful app already uploads my posts

Boner M
Sep 21, 2021
Probation
Can't post for 24 days!


Dang It Bhabhi! posted:

The Awful app already uploads my posts

Whatever works, I prefer a more subtle art.

The perfect response would be for video of a Cliff Richard type film on the beach , on holiday, called Gang making GBS threads

BigBadSteve
Apr 29, 2009

Self Defense
Nil Satanus carborundum

Yeshua akbar!
(Xtian anarchisto, no bombo)


MackAddie posted:

One word... suction.

One word... prolapse.

itry
Aug 23, 2019






For toilets-who-wash-your-anus fans

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7DjUUnejQo

The Scientist
Nov 6, 2009



Ramrod XTreme

encouraging the toilet singularity itt

kntfkr
Feb 11, 2019

GOOSE FUCKER


United States president Joe Bidet

kntfkr
Feb 11, 2019

GOOSE FUCKER


Jon Bidet Ramsey

The Voice of Labor
Apr 8, 2020



start simple. the means to carbonate your bidet water are readily available off the shelf

Nigmaetcetera
Nov 17, 2004

Sorry guys, I'm just a donut.



Just lol if you dont get a high colonic after every bm.

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Bloodfart McCoy
Jul 20, 2007

That's a high quality avatar right there.


Wow, second time Ive been able to post Kenny Vs Spenny in a week. Skip to the very end to see a human bidet.

https://youtu.be/uupYEhG2VKQ

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