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FADE IN: ROLLING STONES – GIMME SHELTER PLAYS

INT. BATHROOM – TEMPLE BASEMENT – NEON LIGHTS OVERLAY TEXT:1999

Two teenage boys in yarmulkes SHLOMO –fat- & HYMEN -skinny- pass a fifth of scotch back and forth.

SHLOMO: Are you ready to become a man?

SHLOMO takes a pull from the fifth, coughs, passes the fifth to HYMEN.

HYMEN laughing: Become a man. What does that even mean?

HYMEN takes a pull from the whiskey bottle, coughs, spits whiskey all over SHLOMO.

TITLECARD: FROM THE CREATORS OF HOLLYWOOD AND THE FEDERAL RESERVE

INT: PANNING SHOT OF MEN CHANTING THE TORAH AT TEMPLE FROM A SERIOUS MAN

INT: HIGH-RISE OFFICE IN MANHATTAN SKYSCRAPER - DAY

BUSINESSMAN: It MEANS that you , my friends. Get the keys to the kingdom. All this, the whole schmear is yours for the taking. You're in the right club, bubala.


TITLECARD: AND THE WRITERS THAT BROUGHT YOU THE POPULAR NARRATIVE OF THE 20th CENTURY

INT: HIGH-RISE OFFICE

GROWN UP SHLOMO, INCREDULOUS: This can't be true.

GROWN UP HYMEN, CONCERNED: I always though it was just a stereotype.

EXT: VEGAS. DRINKING. EXPENSIVE CARS. HOT PUSSY. SOMEONE STEPS OFF A JET.

BUSINESSMAN VOICEOVER: We control the media. We control the banks. We control the American president. You want to be famous? We'll make you famous. You want to be wealthy, we'll make you wealthy. You want to be a dentist, we'll make you a dentist.

TITLE CARD: THIS CHRISTMAS

INT: HIGH-RISE OFFICE (MUSIC PAUSES)

HYMEN: I think I'm getting ferklempt.

ALL LAUGHING (MUSIC RESUMES)

EXT: BACK TO VEGAS STOCK FOOTAGE. WEALTH. PUSSY. CAR CHASE. CELEBRATORY SCREAMING AT A CRAPS TABLE.

TITLE CARD: EXPERIENCE THE INCREDIBLE TRUE STORY

INT: CONFERENCE ROOM.
A sweating, exasperated HYMEN in a suit with no tie and top button undone pounds on a table, holding a
microphone.

HYMEN: There's got to be more to life than chutzpah, shikses and shekels, we used to believe in something!

TITLE CARD: 5,000 YEARS IN THE MAKING
EXT: ALLEYWAY - NIGHT

Brake lights illuminate the scene. It looks like a car-jacking. SHLOMO has a gun to his head and is screaming, almost crying.

SHLOMO: My glasses! I can't see without my glasses!

SERIES OF TITLE CARDS W/ 1 SECOND CLIP OF CAMEOS

TITLE CARD: ACADEMY AWARD WINNER ADAM SANDLER
TITLE CARD: ACADEMY AWARD WINNER ANDY SANDBERG
TITLE CARD: ACADEMY AWARD WINNER LENA DUNHAM
TITLE CARD: ACADEMY AWARD WINNER HERSCHEL KRUSTOFSKY
TITLE CARD: ACADEMY AWARD WINNER SETH ROGENSTEIN
TITLE CARD: ACADEMY AWARD WINNER JONAH HILL
TITLE CARD: ACADEMY AWARD WINNER JANET YELLEN
TITLE CARD: ACADEMY AWARD WINNER JACKIE MASON
TITLE CARD: ACADEMY AWARD WINNER JON STEWART
TITLE CARD: ACADEMY AWARD WINNER ALBERT EINSTEIN
TITLE CARD: ACADEMY AWARD WINNER DAVID BERKOWITZ
TITLE CARD: ACADEMY AWARD WINNER JAMES FRANCO
TITLE CARD: ACADEMY AWARD WINNER ED KOCH
TITLE CARD: ACADEMY AWARD WINNER THE GRINCH
TITLE CARD: ACADEMY AWARD WINNER KAT DENNINGS
TITLE CARD: ACADEMY AWARD WINNER AMY SCHUMER
TITLE CARD: ACADEMY AWARD WINNER EBENEEZER SCROOGE
TITLE CARD: ACADEMY AWARD WINNER NICK KROLL
TITLE CARD: ACADEMY AWARD WINNER LARRY DAVID
TITLE CARD: ACADEMY AWARD WINNER ALAN GREENSPAN
TITLE CARD: ACADEMY AWARD WINNER SARAH JESSICA PARKER
TITLE CARD: ACADEMY AWARD WINNER DUSTIN HOFFMAN TITLE CARD: GOOGLE
TITLE CARD: ACADEMY AWARD WINNER JERRY SEINFELD
TITLE CARD: ACADEMY AWARD WINNER JON LOVITZ
TITLE CARD: ACADEMY AWARD WINNER SARAH SILVERMAN
TITLE CARD: ACADEMY AWARD WINNER BERNARD MADOFF
TITLE CARD: ACADEMY AWARD WINNER THE DEVIL
TITLE CARD: AND FEATURING

MEL BROOKS


EXT: OLD WEST, AMERICAN PLAINS – THAT SCENE FROM BLAZING SADDLES WHERE MEL BROOKS SAYS “SHVARTZES!”

TITLE CARD: THE JEWS

PG-13