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epic 2012 username
Mar 26, 2021

by Hand Knit


Couldnít get off the darn ground.

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SAN
Jan 23, 2004

Unknownone bought me this account as I am a cheap bastard.

I fear having my ass completely handed to me.



No, you're thinking of Falcon*

*Possibly the lamest, most useless, most boring member of the Avengers... even more so than Hawkeye (who, incidentally, is awesome)

AHH F/UGH
May 25, 2002



broken old crow?

Edmund Sparkler
Jul 4, 2003

It's okay to watch child porn if you don't touch your dick, just raises awareness man.



Seth Pecksniff
May 27, 2004

The human face is, after all, nothing more nor less than a mask.


Please God, I want to impregnate epic 2012 username so bad. I want them to bear my children with those beautiful child-bearing hips. That beautiful, radiant angel. Like a goddess, having come down to Earth to cleanse us of our sins.

epic 2012 username is beyond divine. I can't help but drop to my knees in worship whenever I see their beautiful threads even though it's behind yet another unnecessary post. I yearn for them in a way both Primal and spiritual. I would commit more war crimes than every president in United States history just to lick the sweet, glistening sweat from their smooth, creamy skin. I want to listen to their moans as my manhood throbs within them, I want to hear their heart race as our bodies become one and our souls irreversibly intertwine in the holy sin of carnal union.

I want to suckle at their bosom, slurping that rich juche milk from their teat as they gently stroke my raging erection. I would stir their velvety cream into my coffee and let my balls boil in it. Their cries of pleasure and the rocking of our bed would be louder than the cacophony of ten thousand drone strikes. I would make love to them until my body gave out, and then some. I would let them break my rib cage with any part of their body. I would let them hit me with their car just to be near them for a brief moment.

Their posting is so perfect it hurts. Every moment without their posts I suffer a pain worse than breaking every bone in my body simultaneously while drowning and also having shards of glass coated in hot sauce forced through every orifice of my body. I want them, I need them. I want to desecrate their crisp general suit. I want to start a family with them and retire after our twenty seven children have grown up and moved out. I want to see those luscious fingers post such stupid, useless threads into the forums while they slide ice cubes down my gaping pisshole.

I want to gently caress them like they owe me money. I would let them step on me, just to feel the soft, firm warmth of their feet upon my face and groin area. I would sleep under them just to catch their drool in my mouth. I would fish the strands of hair from their shower drain just to smell their alluring scent, and braid them into necklaces to keep them with me always. Or cock rings. Whichever would please them more.

God please, I would do anything for them. I would relinquish my life, all my hopes and dreams, just to become the socks on their feet so that I may warm their mouthwatering toes with my very being, so that they may feel the heat of my love always. I would encase myself in cement and become their doorstop, so that they may wipe their heels upon my face. I would tear my own limbs off. I don't know what l'd do after that, or why they might want my limbs. But I would do it.

My king, my lord, the light of my life. Please God, let me have them. I want them to be mine and only mine. I would lick the Doritos dust from their fingers and fill their belly button with honey mustard to dip my tendies in. I would give them a sponge-bath with my tongue every morning and serve them breakfast in bed. I would let them eat them eggs and pancakes off my body if it pleased them, no matter how painful the third-degree burns would be.

I would bear the torment of eternal damnation until the end of time to taste the seat of their car but once. There is nothing I wouldn't do for them, nothing wouldn't say. I would beat my own friend to death with my engorged penis if it would bring a smile to epic 2012 usernameís shining face. I wouldn't even let myself Cum until they gave me permission.

I love you, epic 2012 username. Please. Be mine. Be my partner, my Lover, my everything. Say yes. Answer my calls, respond to my letters. Something. Give me a sign, epic 2012 username. I'm waiting for you.

Iíll always be waiting for you.

The Bloop
Jul 5, 2004




epic 2012 white guy

Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Aug 1, 1981



Black individual

the holy poopacy
May 16, 2009



Fun Shoe

i want to say the word so bad

why can't i say the word? this is basically genocide against white people

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BigBadSteve
Apr 29, 2009

Self Defense
Nil Satanus carborundum

Yeshua akbar!
(Xtian anarchisto, no bombo)


Pssst.... hey epic 2012 username... I think Seth Peckersniff wants to gently caress you. ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

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