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I’m not being grumpy. I listened to your dad tell me his bullshit stories for the millionth time. No I wasn’t! That’s just how I sigh sometimes! He didn’t notice and no one else could hear anyway!
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Dec 24, 2021 22:58
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I see you've left out the nativity scene I gifted you again this year. I also heard you're not going to mass tonight? No, no, no, we're talking about this. We're doing this right now. Don't tell me what to do Elizabeth, I want to hear what Jason has to say for himself.
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Dec 24, 2021 23:01
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*left backdoor open after coming inside and now a wild racoon is running around in the house*
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Dec 24, 2021 23:03
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This year your grandmother and I were lucky enough to find a cache of canned goods that were manufactured before that fake virus and hoax vaccine existed. You should be thanking us that we are able to provide you a nice meal that has not been tainted by workers shedding proteins. Now, these cans had some dent and dings and the expiration date is Dec 2018 but Gramma just cooked everything a few minutes longer so we should be fine. Not stop complaining and let's hold hands for the blessing.
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Dec 24, 2021 23:13
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Some tender tidings of Holiday malaise from my home to yours: https://www.mixcloud.com/RoldanNVL/christmas-ii/
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Dec 24, 2021 23:18
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* come they told me parapapampam starts playing* *pulls decorative Christmas pillow onto lap awkwardly*
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Dec 24, 2021 23:32
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No, the gravy doesn’t have any taste either. Weird. Let me try your drink- oh stop it, we’re practically family! Nope, nothing! Is your house built on a slab?
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Dec 24, 2021 23:38
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I’m not drunk, I swear. You asked me to take out the food from the oven and there was so much going on I just grabbed it without the mitt because I was flustered. I don’t need to go to the hospital, it just looks a lot worse than it is. No, no, it’s only that red because I have my hand in the Gin Ice! I’m just going to relax and enjoy the night. Can you hand me that? Stop it, no I’m not!
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Dec 24, 2021 23:45
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Merry Fishmas somethingawful! I mean Christmas! Oh, man I must of ruined everyone's day with that whole fishmas thing. I just wanted to spread some happiness to this thread! Ah, man can I just not do anything write. 
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Dec 25, 2021 00:02
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Uncle Dr_rat is hosed on spiced rum but at least he’s not ranting about minorities yet
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Dec 25, 2021 00:08
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Welcome everyone! Dinner is at 6pm and there are no snacks before hand. Man was not meant to be eating all day, we will all fast so to trigger our natural defense mechanisms and live longer. My gift to you is longevi get out of the Pantry god dammit I said no snacking!
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Dec 25, 2021 00:55
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Bonzo posted:This year I'm buying everyone Reddit gold. Lol
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Dec 25, 2021 00:55
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Get that poo poo off the fireplace. The only stockings being filled in this house tonight will be if I can find a hooker who doesn't already know me.
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Dec 25, 2021 01:28
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*intently watches NORAD's Santa tracker while cradling a rocket launcher*
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Dec 25, 2021 02:25
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I survived christmas 2021. This one was easy because 99% of my relatives were either in quarantine or in intensive care for 'rona(most of them were unvaxxed by choice so it's okay to laugh at them), basically only me and my siblings and our mom met up and ate some food. I was loving hammered when I showed up and continued slamming beers throughout the day, so maybe I ruined the christmas idk?? Personally I enjoyed it, now Im railing amphetamine and keep slamming down those beers
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Dec 25, 2021 04:30
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What do you mean I have to leave if I dont order anything? gently caress that Im not done yet, anyway when I was seven years old...
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Dec 25, 2021 04:33
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Shows up to family Christmas gathering with five kids after specifically saying they wouldn't be there. At least two of the kids have strep.
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Dec 25, 2021 22:14
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Don’t worry, we gave the sicks kids rapid tests! *Kid whispers “No we didn’t!” and is ignored*
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Dec 25, 2021 22:19
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Gives all the children Christmas sweaters wrapped in playstation boxes.
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Dec 25, 2021 22:38
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Holiday Update: I’m just putting vodka in whatever at this point
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Dec 26, 2021 16:25
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Well kids, I hope you enjoyed playing with the XBox yesterday, because it needs to be back in the pawn shop by 4.
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Dec 26, 2021 17:19
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Dammit! It’s Christmas Eve, not Christmas Steve!
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Dec 27, 2021 07:43
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What do you mean you "already had christmas"? 27th is when we usually celebrate, is it not
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Dec 27, 2021 10:51
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Let's see, this year we had a 5 year old boy screaming and kicking his mother when she takes a toy away. She "punished" him by allowing him to open gifts. A OLED TV turned to the Hallmark channel in SD and overscan correction off. A dog barking for hours because he was locked in the bedroom. Then my niece's ex showed up uninvited and unannounced and also unvaccinated. This was after 6 hours of driving. My wife and I have cancelled Christmas next year.
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Dec 27, 2021 18:18
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Christmas was cancelled for us a few days ago. Husband's anti-vaxx brother, sisters-in-law, 20 year old stepson, and our 12 niece and 9 year old nephew. Stepson was asked by husband's dad (referred to as grandpa here on out) if stepson wouldn't mind wearing a mask since stepson might have been around some covid positive people. Stepson tells grandpa "gently caress you" and flips him off. Grandpa loses it over the blatant disrespect for a grandparent and then sister in law (a real bitch) jumps in to protect her poor son who couldn't have been out anywhere lately because he just got a DUI. This is the part where husband and I walk in from a quick trip to the grocery store. Grandpa continues to tell sister-in-law off on her other bullshit that he had obviously been holding onto for a while but she needed to hear it. She takes the kids to the car. Husband's brother has a small spat with them for a bit but soon everyone is trying to figure out how to save Christmas My instincts from being raised from frequently ruined big family holidays or weddings, etc take over and I start quietly piling they're presents by the door. The continued to find a way to fix Christmas but nope, bitch of a sister in law has too much pride. I feel like I used my experiences to move them along the shock process and into having fun sooner.
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Dec 27, 2021 22:53
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It sounds like you saved Christmas!
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Dec 28, 2021 11:11
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Yeah, wrong thread idiot!
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Dec 28, 2021 12:50
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I got everybody copies of the New King James version of the Bible! Because, let's face it, you people need Jesus in your life! Marty, looking at you, pal. Your Halloween decorations this year were a little too... intense. I asked my pastor and he said you're probably being tempted by Satan, even if you don't realize it. All those skeletons and rubber bats, it's not normal! And Liz? Listen, maybe YOU'RE okay with abortions, but that child inside of you WASN'T! Your body, your choice, huh? Well what about that 3 week old child's choice, huh? HUH LIZ???
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Dec 28, 2021 13:34
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A family friend got born again and gave everyone bibles. I've got mine somewhere but my smarter brother used glue and a knife to make pot storage and rolling papers. We didn't get sent to hell or abort any fetuses tho
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Dec 30, 2021 23:27
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 13:12 |
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Outrail posted:We didn't get sent to hell Well, not yet, anyways
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Dec 30, 2021 23:47
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